Houses for rent st charles mn
Winona, Minnesota
2011.05.03 18:44 Winona, Minnesota
Everything pertaining to Winona, Minnesota.
2023.04.01 16:55 Ok_Commercial_186 Should I wait ?
I was going to get into starting the process in December however I just don’t make enough money to find a house in my area.My DTI isn’t bad but I only make $17.25 that’s not gonna qualify me for anything decent living in Florida.. I’m thinking about just giving up for now until I’m done with school and find an apartment but my family keeps telling me not to rent.
submitted by Ok_Commercial_186 to FirstTimeHomeBuyer [link] [comments]
2023.04.01 16:54 SchlesingerMindy323 [HIRING] 25 Jobs in KS Hiring Now!
2023.04.01 16:52 DesignerfromBombay NYC student accommodation
Looking for cheap accommodation and student house. Or probably someone to rent with in NYC
Please help!
submitted by DesignerfromBombay to NYIT [link] [comments]
Please help!
2023.04.01 16:48 Ready-Bat-8824 March 2023 Recap of Hilaria’s IG = 12 Posts or “New Spin”
 | One year and five months after Alec killed Halyna Hutchins on the cursed set of Rust, Hillary Lynn “I am a white girl” Hayward-Thomas Baldwin has finally been made to pump the brakes on her submitted by Ready-Bat-8824 to HilariaBaldwin [link] [comments] Alec made 14 IG grid posts in March (because Peepaw cannot figure out Stories) and Hillary posted on her IG 12 times in March as compared to: · 159 times in January 2023 · 35 times in February 2023 (and 565 times in February 2022) · 118 times in March 2022 Generally speaking, Alec and Hillary seem to be finally heeding the PR advice they’re paying an arm and a leg for. Molly McPherson, a fantastic PR guru who has posted about the Baldwins in the past recommends that in a PR crisis, people need to “designate a leader to oversee the crisis and a communicator to manage it,” and that can be the same person. Well, since December 2020, Hillary has been overseeing first her fake heritage crisis then Alec’s Rust crisis and also communicating about both directly and indirectly. The word “bungle” sums it all up neatly. For reference, these are the images from January that Hillary and Alec are trying to make the public forget in their carefully curated “less is more” approach to IG: Never forget sewer bro and \"you're hurting me!\" 1/20/23 A prize. 2/20/23 Even though Hillary only posted 12 times, tons happened in March because these people are chaos magnets:
So much money, so little shoe savvy.
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2023.04.01 16:48 HippieLady88 I totaled my car and am about to receive a ~$17,500 settlement payment. Do I use it to buy a new car or pay back my 401K loan that’s about to default due to my layoff?
Here are the facts:
-On Monday I totaled my new-ish car and once my loan on that is paid off, I will be getting a check for about $17,500. No one was hurt in the accident, and no other property was damaged.
-I was recently laid off. I am currently living off severance payments and using my time to write and self-publish a novel. I’ve published short stories in the past and made a bit of money on them.
-About two years ago I took out a loan of close to $25,000 from my 401(k) and used it to buy a house. I knew the risks going in, and I don’t regret it. I locked in a great interest rate, the value of the home is increasing, and I currently have an affordable place to live in a city where rents keep rising.
-Because I left my employer, my 401(k) will soon be in default. My former employer does not allow me to continue making payments on the loan after leaving. However, through some fluke in the payroll system, payments towards my 401(k) loan have continued to be taken out of my severance checks, and the loan is not yet in default. I’m assuming this is going to end with my last severance payment, which will be in early June.
-My 401(k) plan does not allow me to make partial payments. The balance is currently around $19,800.
-I do not currently have any cash savings or investments (other than my house).
-My credit score is currently 703.
-I live by myself and my city has a mediocre public transit system. It’s definitely a place where life is made difficult if you don’t have a car.
-I feel like I need to buy a car, but I also feel like the smart thing to do might be to take my car settlement money and use it to pay off my 401k loan, thus avoiding the taxes/early withdrawal penalty.
-I’ve spoken to multiple people at the company that services my 401(k), trying to figure out what my options are and have received completely different answers to my questions every time. It seems like no one there knows what the hell they’re talking about.
Here are my questions for you lovely people:
-Is there a way to move my 401k loan into some other type of retirement account and continue making payments on it, thus avoiding an early withdrawal?
-Am I exempt for the 10% withdrawal penalty because I used the loan to buy my first home? Or does that benefit evaporate if my loan defaults?
-My 401k plan supposedly does not allow partial payments, but is there a way to get around that? Could I say throw 10k of my car money at my loan balance, thus lowering the penalty for default, and use the rest to buy a car?
-Are there any other things I can do with my 401k loan that would allow me to avoid paying the taxes/penalty on it?
-Is anyone going to give me a car loan at a decent rate with little to no money down when I am unemployed (or self employed if I can count working on my novel)?
-What would you do in my situation?
submitted by HippieLady88 to personalfinance [link] [comments]
-On Monday I totaled my new-ish car and once my loan on that is paid off, I will be getting a check for about $17,500. No one was hurt in the accident, and no other property was damaged.
-I was recently laid off. I am currently living off severance payments and using my time to write and self-publish a novel. I’ve published short stories in the past and made a bit of money on them.
-About two years ago I took out a loan of close to $25,000 from my 401(k) and used it to buy a house. I knew the risks going in, and I don’t regret it. I locked in a great interest rate, the value of the home is increasing, and I currently have an affordable place to live in a city where rents keep rising.
-Because I left my employer, my 401(k) will soon be in default. My former employer does not allow me to continue making payments on the loan after leaving. However, through some fluke in the payroll system, payments towards my 401(k) loan have continued to be taken out of my severance checks, and the loan is not yet in default. I’m assuming this is going to end with my last severance payment, which will be in early June.
-My 401(k) plan does not allow me to make partial payments. The balance is currently around $19,800.
-I do not currently have any cash savings or investments (other than my house).
-My credit score is currently 703.
-I live by myself and my city has a mediocre public transit system. It’s definitely a place where life is made difficult if you don’t have a car.
-I feel like I need to buy a car, but I also feel like the smart thing to do might be to take my car settlement money and use it to pay off my 401k loan, thus avoiding the taxes/early withdrawal penalty.
-I’ve spoken to multiple people at the company that services my 401(k), trying to figure out what my options are and have received completely different answers to my questions every time. It seems like no one there knows what the hell they’re talking about.
Here are my questions for you lovely people:
-Is there a way to move my 401k loan into some other type of retirement account and continue making payments on it, thus avoiding an early withdrawal?
-Am I exempt for the 10% withdrawal penalty because I used the loan to buy my first home? Or does that benefit evaporate if my loan defaults?
-My 401k plan supposedly does not allow partial payments, but is there a way to get around that? Could I say throw 10k of my car money at my loan balance, thus lowering the penalty for default, and use the rest to buy a car?
-Are there any other things I can do with my 401k loan that would allow me to avoid paying the taxes/penalty on it?
-Is anyone going to give me a car loan at a decent rate with little to no money down when I am unemployed (or self employed if I can count working on my novel)?
-What would you do in my situation?
2023.04.01 16:46 No_Armadillo427 Feeling hopeless still
This was me. This is STILL me, here we are in April and he is still living in my house. I finally asked my therapist if he thought I was being abused and he said "yes" and for some reason, that rocked my world. I knew I was but having someone who knows me confirm it....
Today that changes, Bromos. I am leaving the house that I own to get away from him. I signed a lease for a studio nearby. I am leaving him, and, horribly, I am leaving my son here. I will see my son all of the time, because exh works at a hospital and has zero flexibility so I'll have to do school pickups and dropoffs.
I'm going to tell my little boy that I love him and that I am here for him always, and this is not his fault, but I cannot be a good mom living in this house with his dad. And it's true, I basically spend all the time when he is home in bed and sleeping to get away from him.
My ultimate goal is to have exh give me a chunk of the money he got from the house, so that I can rent a nearby place while he stays here with my son and our son can independently go from one house to another. With the ultimate goal of my exh buying this house from me when interest rates are better. I'll subtract the chunk of $ that he gives me from the house price.
I have a custody agreement for 70% custody. What else am I not thinking of? I am desperate folks, I have tried to get him to leave many times but he throws huge tantrums and involves our son and its just horrible. He cannot accept that it is over, even though we are divorced! In his mind, he is still fighting for our family while I am nearly suicidal because I so don't even want to be near him.
I have told him SO many times that I don't love him anymore, and I don't want to be with him and he just say "nope, you can't fall out of love after 20 years" and completely dismisses it. He blames my actions on perimenopause, or mental illness and refuses to treat me like a person with independent thought.
Oh, wish me well Bromos. I am so messed up.
submitted by No_Armadillo427 to breakingmom [link] [comments]
Today that changes, Bromos. I am leaving the house that I own to get away from him. I signed a lease for a studio nearby. I am leaving him, and, horribly, I am leaving my son here. I will see my son all of the time, because exh works at a hospital and has zero flexibility so I'll have to do school pickups and dropoffs.
I'm going to tell my little boy that I love him and that I am here for him always, and this is not his fault, but I cannot be a good mom living in this house with his dad. And it's true, I basically spend all the time when he is home in bed and sleeping to get away from him.
My ultimate goal is to have exh give me a chunk of the money he got from the house, so that I can rent a nearby place while he stays here with my son and our son can independently go from one house to another. With the ultimate goal of my exh buying this house from me when interest rates are better. I'll subtract the chunk of $ that he gives me from the house price.
I have a custody agreement for 70% custody. What else am I not thinking of? I am desperate folks, I have tried to get him to leave many times but he throws huge tantrums and involves our son and its just horrible. He cannot accept that it is over, even though we are divorced! In his mind, he is still fighting for our family while I am nearly suicidal because I so don't even want to be near him.
I have told him SO many times that I don't love him anymore, and I don't want to be with him and he just say "nope, you can't fall out of love after 20 years" and completely dismisses it. He blames my actions on perimenopause, or mental illness and refuses to treat me like a person with independent thought.
Oh, wish me well Bromos. I am so messed up.
2023.04.01 16:40 ladeedadeedee Issues with nuisance tenant who is in and out of jail
I moved into a unit in a multi-family home in BK in August 2022. This apartment is (or was, it’s a bit unclear) owned by his mother-in-law. She lives in the unit downstairs with her grandson. Let’s call him Nathan.
When I moved in, I met Nathan because he was banging on my door to introduce himself. He told me he was staying next door but that he wasn’t supposed to be there and I shouldn’t tell his uncle. He promised to be peaceful and quiet. He then proceeded to tell me about how he’d been in jail, been shot and stabbed (and showed me the wounds), and that he’d been in a gang. He seemed to be high so I tried to diffuse the situation as much as possible. I immediately bought a ring camera for the door because I knew he’d be trouble.
He frequently sits on our stoop (our stoops are divided by a railing) with his friends and will be smoking, drinking, and talking late into the night. Stuff that was annoying but kinda just typical NYC stuff. He can be a little push and aggressive when I try to ignore him (“hey I’m talking to you!” Kind of stuff), and he’s always telling me about prison, his gun shot wounds, being in a gang, and even killing people. It’s very clear that he’s unwell.
Then we had a few specific incidents. I’ll keep them short. 1. He was fully drugged out on the stoop and harassed my friends as they were leaving my apartment (late Oct 22) 2. We had an altercation where he screamed at me in the street that I shouldn’t mess with him because he’s killed people before and “would kill again”. And that he would kill for me and my roommate (I thought that was strange). It was VERY scary and I immediately called the landlord. He promised to handle it. All he really did was tell him not to bother me or speak to me anymore. (Late Oct 22) 3. He took a space heater from my stoop and destroyed it. I sent the video from the ring camera to my landlord. He said he would start the proceedings for eviction. (Early Dec 22)
In mid December he ended up going to jail. I don’t know what for and didn’t know how long, but I thought it had solved the problem for me. I learned from his cousin that Nathan is bipolar schizophrenic. He didn’t think Nathan was explicitly dangerous, but he said I should definitely be careful and ready to call the police on Nathan if I needed to. Anyway, he got out of jail mid March 2023 and imagine my surprise when he was back on my doorstep.
I’ve had multiple conversations with my landlord about what he is going to do to ensure I am safe and comfortable in my home. He keeps saying he’ll handle it - but so far he has done nothing more than give him a talking to. He keeps saying it’s a hard position for him because it’s his nephew and his family, but he knows it’s bad for business.
I’m obviously very upset about this because the NYC housing market is crazy and I went through HELL with a truly vile human being of a broker to get this place and had to pay a hefty broker’s fee for it.
This apartment is fantastic and I really don’t want to move, but I’m not really sure what my rights are / what I’m owed in this situation / how to get the landlord to take care of this situation (or compensate us via lowering the rent, etc). To be clear, I think of him as more of a nuisance than an active threat, but would definitely be more comfortable if he wasn’t around. I also feel bad because it really seems like he has nowhere else to go.
I’d love some advice on how to handle this situation without disrupting my living environment or creating an enemy out of my landlord.
submitted by ladeedadeedee to AskNYC [link] [comments]
When I moved in, I met Nathan because he was banging on my door to introduce himself. He told me he was staying next door but that he wasn’t supposed to be there and I shouldn’t tell his uncle. He promised to be peaceful and quiet. He then proceeded to tell me about how he’d been in jail, been shot and stabbed (and showed me the wounds), and that he’d been in a gang. He seemed to be high so I tried to diffuse the situation as much as possible. I immediately bought a ring camera for the door because I knew he’d be trouble.
He frequently sits on our stoop (our stoops are divided by a railing) with his friends and will be smoking, drinking, and talking late into the night. Stuff that was annoying but kinda just typical NYC stuff. He can be a little push and aggressive when I try to ignore him (“hey I’m talking to you!” Kind of stuff), and he’s always telling me about prison, his gun shot wounds, being in a gang, and even killing people. It’s very clear that he’s unwell.
Then we had a few specific incidents. I’ll keep them short. 1. He was fully drugged out on the stoop and harassed my friends as they were leaving my apartment (late Oct 22) 2. We had an altercation where he screamed at me in the street that I shouldn’t mess with him because he’s killed people before and “would kill again”. And that he would kill for me and my roommate (I thought that was strange). It was VERY scary and I immediately called the landlord. He promised to handle it. All he really did was tell him not to bother me or speak to me anymore. (Late Oct 22) 3. He took a space heater from my stoop and destroyed it. I sent the video from the ring camera to my landlord. He said he would start the proceedings for eviction. (Early Dec 22)
In mid December he ended up going to jail. I don’t know what for and didn’t know how long, but I thought it had solved the problem for me. I learned from his cousin that Nathan is bipolar schizophrenic. He didn’t think Nathan was explicitly dangerous, but he said I should definitely be careful and ready to call the police on Nathan if I needed to. Anyway, he got out of jail mid March 2023 and imagine my surprise when he was back on my doorstep.
I’ve had multiple conversations with my landlord about what he is going to do to ensure I am safe and comfortable in my home. He keeps saying he’ll handle it - but so far he has done nothing more than give him a talking to. He keeps saying it’s a hard position for him because it’s his nephew and his family, but he knows it’s bad for business.
I’m obviously very upset about this because the NYC housing market is crazy and I went through HELL with a truly vile human being of a broker to get this place and had to pay a hefty broker’s fee for it.
This apartment is fantastic and I really don’t want to move, but I’m not really sure what my rights are / what I’m owed in this situation / how to get the landlord to take care of this situation (or compensate us via lowering the rent, etc). To be clear, I think of him as more of a nuisance than an active threat, but would definitely be more comfortable if he wasn’t around. I also feel bad because it really seems like he has nowhere else to go.
I’d love some advice on how to handle this situation without disrupting my living environment or creating an enemy out of my landlord.
2023.04.01 16:40 WorldNewsinPictures Tom And Maria #Browne Have Been #renting a House in #Delvin Co #Westmeath For 11 Years And Will Have to Leave by The End of September. Tom Said he Was 'devastated' When he Was Given The Notice to Quit.
Tom and Maria #Browne have been #renting a house in #Delvin Co #Westmeath for 11 years and will have to leave by the end of September. Tom said he was 'devastated' when he was given the notice to quit. Poor people, what's worse is they probably voted for FF/FG all their life.... MORE -> https://worldnewsinpictures.com/tom-maria-browne-renting-house-delvin
submitted by WorldNewsinPictures to WorldNewsNPictures [link] [comments]
2023.04.01 16:39 FlatCapWolf Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow Live
Grab a pint and get ready for the messiest night out in the UK!
20 years after the hit BBC show Da Bungalow first burst on to our screens, quadruple Bafta award winners Dick & Dom are bringing their own special kind of mayhem live on tour!
Book via the Buxton Opera House Box Office - call 01298 72190.
Buxton Opera House, Water St, Buxton SK17 6XN, UK
April 1, 2023 at 07:30PM
April 1, 2023 at 10:00PM
submitted by FlatCapWolf to Buxton [link] [comments]
20 years after the hit BBC show Da Bungalow first burst on to our screens, quadruple Bafta award winners Dick & Dom are bringing their own special kind of mayhem live on tour!
Book via the Buxton Opera House Box Office - call 01298 72190.
Buxton Opera House, Water St, Buxton SK17 6XN, UK
April 1, 2023 at 07:30PM
April 1, 2023 at 10:00PM
2023.04.01 16:38 zimmer550king What are some of the best cities for immigrants to live in?
For this, I am factoring in the following:
submitted by zimmer550king to germany [link] [comments]
- being fluent in German
- finding a job in tech
- buying a house or finding an apartment to rent
- availability of social activities
- government bureaucracy (specifically related to the Immigration Department)
- dating or, if you're married, your spouse (who is also an immigrant) being able to integrate into the city and find a job there
2023.04.01 16:37 Grrrr-Argh Thanks ChatGPT for confirming how bleak the future looks.
So decided to get ChatGPT to crunch out some numbers for me in regards to renting vs owning for people under the age of 35 for both people working or on Jobseeker in Australia. Estimating how long it would take to save up for a 20%deposit of the medium price of a house in Australia. And what the ideal income would be annually in order to afford rent/down payment and cover cost of living.
Here’s what ChatGPT has to say
• The median annual income for persons aged 15-24 years was $22,500 and for persons aged 25-34 years was $48,000
• The annual JobSeeker allowance in Australia is up to $14,016 AUD per year for a single person with no children.
• The median weekly rent for a house in Australia is $491 AUD per week, or approximately $25,532 AUD per year.
• To afford median rent of $491 AUD per week while following the guideline of spending no more than 30% of income on housing costs, an individual would ideally need an annual income of around $85,107 AUD.
• The median house price in Australia is $836,200 AUD.
• Assuming an individual under the age of 35 earning the median income in Australia saves 20% of their income per year, it would take approximately 18-36 years to save for a 20% down payment on a house worth the median price in Australia.
• Assuming an individual on the JobSeeker allowance saves all of their remaining income after paying median rent, it would take approximately 112 years to save for a 20% down payment on a house worth the median price in Australia.
• A healthy annual income to afford to rent or buy a house at the median price in Australia would be significantly higher than the median income of someone under the age of 30, likely closer to $100,000 AUD or more per year, depending on the specific location and circumstances.
What makes it bleaker is that with current interest rates averaging 3.6% for a mortgage of $800,000 over 30years it can end up costing anywhere up to $1.3mil in total. With monthly repayments being anywhere from $2,400 - $3700 per month or $28,800 - $48,000 annually.
I’d hate to see what it’s like for the next generation if we keep on this path.
submitted by Grrrr-Argh to AusPol [link] [comments]
Here’s what ChatGPT has to say
• The median annual income for persons aged 15-24 years was $22,500 and for persons aged 25-34 years was $48,000
• The annual JobSeeker allowance in Australia is up to $14,016 AUD per year for a single person with no children.
• The median weekly rent for a house in Australia is $491 AUD per week, or approximately $25,532 AUD per year.
• To afford median rent of $491 AUD per week while following the guideline of spending no more than 30% of income on housing costs, an individual would ideally need an annual income of around $85,107 AUD.
• The median house price in Australia is $836,200 AUD.
• Assuming an individual under the age of 35 earning the median income in Australia saves 20% of their income per year, it would take approximately 18-36 years to save for a 20% down payment on a house worth the median price in Australia.
• Assuming an individual on the JobSeeker allowance saves all of their remaining income after paying median rent, it would take approximately 112 years to save for a 20% down payment on a house worth the median price in Australia.
• A healthy annual income to afford to rent or buy a house at the median price in Australia would be significantly higher than the median income of someone under the age of 30, likely closer to $100,000 AUD or more per year, depending on the specific location and circumstances.
What makes it bleaker is that with current interest rates averaging 3.6% for a mortgage of $800,000 over 30years it can end up costing anywhere up to $1.3mil in total. With monthly repayments being anywhere from $2,400 - $3700 per month or $28,800 - $48,000 annually.
I’d hate to see what it’s like for the next generation if we keep on this path.
2023.04.01 16:32 aitathrowaway23456 AITA For visiting my parents with my newborn
For some context, I had a baby in January. Crazy enough, my sister also had a baby a week earlier. She works commission and decided to take only 2 weeks maternity leave. I wouldn't do that but to each their own. But to do this, she moved from the East coast to Southern California to live with my parents house for 3 months. She also has a night nurse. live in Seattle area. I have 12 weeks maternity leave. My sister said she needed all the rooms in my parents house so she and her husband can work. My mom is helping watch the baby every day. My mom visited a week in Seattle to help us. I didn't plan to come down originally, but got tired of the cold. I also would like to meet my sisters baby - my first niece or nephew. So I decided to come down and rent an Airbnb for the 10 days overlap with my sister before her 3 month stay is up and she leaves. For some reason she is totally against this. I asked to hang out for Easter. She is now saying that I'm so selfish to come a steal the time with my parents that she had planned months in advance and that I don't need help because I have maternity leave. That she's super busy at work and I'm stealing her childcare. AlTA for visiting at the same time? I mean I have a baby too...
submitted by aitathrowaway23456 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.04.01 16:20 Wan_Haole_Faka Restarting at 32 in Plumbing, Left Cult, Overcoming Self-Harm
This is sort of a broad post with many facets and I don't have a TLDR. I was in a high-control "spiritual" group from age 21-30 and am having some challenges readjusting to many of the "realities" of life. I don't know where to go to for help and would greatly appreciate outside perspectives.
I'm starting my 2nd year as an apprentice plumber after finishing first in my trade school (once I decided to leave said group).
I believe that one of the triggers for addictive/self-destructive behavior is trying to avoid challenging emotions. I struggle with binge eating maybe 50% of evenings and I live with my mother. She has been wonderfully supportive since I decided to make my own decisions in life and doesn't charge me rent, never will and will allow me to stay as long as I want to.
Last year I paid off $7,000 of credit card debt and maxed my new Roth IRA. The year before I paid $6,000 of delinquent capital gains tax. All these debts were due to squandering an inheritance from my grandfather due to me having a good heart, being gullible perhaps and not having any financial literacy until I decided that personal sovereignty was very important to me.
Anyways, living with my mother has allowed me to save a little money, but I'm not happy with the emotional/social dynamic. I don't want to speculate too much, but I think I reject the kind of love my mother wants to give me. She's getting better about seeing me as an adult, but still does things like trying to speak for me to others while in my presence, kind of normal mothering stuff for a little boy, I guess. She's retired and I think sort of has a tendency to live vicariously through others. I don't think it's healthy and so I don't really talk about my life much or communicate much with her at all. I respect her, but we're into different things and frankly, as adults, don't have a lot of common interests, which is fine. Me living with her is putting a fair strain on both of us I think, but she'll never ask me to leave.
We don't eat together for various reasons. Partially it's scheduling, she's more into snacking and I don't like talking while eating. Also, although I don't show it outwardly, I think I get triggered by her questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated and as an adult, I don't owe her any answers.
I think one of my triggers for binge eating is feeling trapped and not in control of my life. I'm wondering if living on my own will help me to "man up" for lack of a better phrase and just make my life work. I've lived alone and with roommates before in many different situations. However I also struggled with binge eating/drinking while living alone in situations where I didn't feel in control, or I didn't like my life circumstances, such as my boss being my landlord, etc. I did learn some independence even though I was in a cult lol. I was told what part of the work to go to, what country to go to, then left and forgotten about. I had to find odd jobs with limited handman/farm skills and couldn't make any commitments. I had to make it work.
I'm hedging my bets that being more independent will help me to overcome my self-destructive habits. Frankly, I've struggled with food addiction before I even got involved in the high-control group. I'm not overweight and am actually very fit, but you know when you have a problem.
I haven't confessed this to anyone in my life, but I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago and have talked about using food to cope. I have a good relationship with some of my family members but I guess I just don't want sympathy. There was a time maybe 12-13 years ago I had a major eczema issue with my skin, lived with my mother and told my sisters I wasn't interested in going to see a Western medical practitioner. Frankly, the crying, begging and emotional strain of having people care about me with good intentions can be a lot to bear. It doesn't always make things better.
I have hobbies, but I don't fully express myself and my interests around my mother and family members. I'm hoping that living on my own (even with roommates), I can focus on increasing my earning potential, work occasional side jobs and focus on my hobbies (singing, Spanish language, martial arts, yoga, etc.) and that this purpose will help me to face uncomfortable emotions and not rely on coping in negative ways.
I'd like to move out of the house and keep reworking my budget, but it's tough. I currently make $21.50/hr. but if I go to another company, I may be taking a pay cut. Although currently, I don't have any benefit package from my job and with a different company, I'd have a package. I currently have about $21,000 in a HYSA that is a combination of an emergency fund and new catruck savings.
I drive a Toyota Solara with 246,000 miles that's been well-cared for. I just put in a new alternator and new tires. Part of my hesitation in leaving my company and current city is that I don't know how much longer this car will last. I don't want to be somewhere I don't know anybody and have to deal with towing a scrap car, potentially missing work at a new company, getting a rental car and finding something reliable with Uber's and whatnot. I don't necessarily NEED a truck but am looking at everything from Tundras to Rangers because it will help me keep options open for weekend side jobs and also to move living situations if I need to.
At my current job, I'm not getting the best training (but it's okay and I can make it work), but I have a company van, they may have given me a little too early (7 months in). So, if my personal car breaks down on a weekend while I have a work van and I'm living with my mother, it's not a huge deal. Problem is, I live in a HCOL area, but I could probably find a roommate and keep my housing/utility costs under $850/mo.
My credit is 694 and I don't want to have a car loan that is less than 91.5% paid off while potentially needing to have a landlord run my credit. 694 should be fine for an apartment, but not if I add a mostly unpaid car loan.
My buddy's mother and her partner have a mother-in-law suite they are trying to rent out in a major city 1 hour away from me. They would charge below market value and there is a good plumbing company in the area I would try to get in with. They are known for having a wonderful paid training program (they actually subcontract out their training). I'd likely take a pay cut but get benefits I'm currently paying for myself (dental, health, retirement). I would probably be someone's helper for 2-6 months before getting my own work vehicle. This is an option.
I guess there's a part of me that feels bad to leave my current company. There is sideways and upward mobility, I have enough say (due to my work ethic and intellect) that I can mostly work with who I want to. They took a chance on me, pay me decently (started me at $20 and now got an additional $1.50 after 10 months) and they make a decent effort to teach me stuff. Problem is they aren't organized with how they bill jobs, among other thing. Some jobs are time and materials, some things are flat rate, some things are a total toss up and some are charity for the church, which takes money out of the employees pockets. At the risk of sounding like I'm slandering them, a good few of the guys are pot heads and even smoke at work. Warnings have been given, but nobody gets fired. If you splash too much water out of a small puddle, I guess you're only left with mud. But I still believe that a company should have standards. Small family company and management doesn't really command respect. We lose money on efficiency and productivity. Guys 6 years in still don't know how to solder and make what I make, some less. One of our lead plumbers makes $.50 an hour more than I do.
So my point is that I could do okay if I stayed in this city with my current job, for now, but I wouldn't be relying on being around people with a growth mindset. I would be relying on my own drive, which is fickle. I'm driven, but I feel like I'm also influenced by my environment. If I stay here, I'd continue seeing my therapist, but if I move to the larger city with arguably the better company, I'd probably find another therapist and would also have access to a couple different men's groups, but nothing like Overeaters Anonymous or Smart Recovery. There are options though for help if I need it, more so in the larger city.
I'll add that my former cult is based out of the larger city with these opportunities. They aren't like a major Church, but are low-key, Christian-influenced Andean Shamanic type people who are followers of someone very charismatic with a few allegations of sexual harassment, although nothing is concrete so far (I think). If I moved there, I may run into the people I left who I was very close to for 9 years. Wouldn't be a big deal I don't think, but I might have to face that.
Budget: $2,900 monthly net income
$693 food (inflated due to not feeling comfortable in my mom's kitchen to cook healthy/cheap)
$541 IRA contributions
$150 catruck savings
$100 gas
$80 clothes/shoe allowance
$80 counseling copayments
$70 health insurance
$70 Verizon bill
$55 car maintenance
$50 supplements
$35 dental insurance
$25 cleaning/maintenance
That leaves me with $951 for rent/utilities, but perhaps more. My food spending should go down substantially if I live alone, but it might not go down if I have to share a kitchen with someone.
I get bonuses at work but don't build my budget around that or anything I make from side jobs.
My mother has decided to pay my car insurance and I won't necessarily complain about that.
Currently Reading:
"The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz
"Break the Binge Eating Cycle" Sylvana Siskov
The last thing I'll add is that I'm learning to enjoy taking ice baths and am trying to pursue difficult things in order to build up my discipline. If you've read all that, thank you and I hope you can offer some insight that maybe I'm missing. Also, if there's another sub I should post this expression, suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Have a great weekend!
submitted by Wan_Haole_Faka to AddictionAdvice [link] [comments]
I'm starting my 2nd year as an apprentice plumber after finishing first in my trade school (once I decided to leave said group).
I believe that one of the triggers for addictive/self-destructive behavior is trying to avoid challenging emotions. I struggle with binge eating maybe 50% of evenings and I live with my mother. She has been wonderfully supportive since I decided to make my own decisions in life and doesn't charge me rent, never will and will allow me to stay as long as I want to.
Last year I paid off $7,000 of credit card debt and maxed my new Roth IRA. The year before I paid $6,000 of delinquent capital gains tax. All these debts were due to squandering an inheritance from my grandfather due to me having a good heart, being gullible perhaps and not having any financial literacy until I decided that personal sovereignty was very important to me.
Anyways, living with my mother has allowed me to save a little money, but I'm not happy with the emotional/social dynamic. I don't want to speculate too much, but I think I reject the kind of love my mother wants to give me. She's getting better about seeing me as an adult, but still does things like trying to speak for me to others while in my presence, kind of normal mothering stuff for a little boy, I guess. She's retired and I think sort of has a tendency to live vicariously through others. I don't think it's healthy and so I don't really talk about my life much or communicate much with her at all. I respect her, but we're into different things and frankly, as adults, don't have a lot of common interests, which is fine. Me living with her is putting a fair strain on both of us I think, but she'll never ask me to leave.
We don't eat together for various reasons. Partially it's scheduling, she's more into snacking and I don't like talking while eating. Also, although I don't show it outwardly, I think I get triggered by her questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated and as an adult, I don't owe her any answers.
I think one of my triggers for binge eating is feeling trapped and not in control of my life. I'm wondering if living on my own will help me to "man up" for lack of a better phrase and just make my life work. I've lived alone and with roommates before in many different situations. However I also struggled with binge eating/drinking while living alone in situations where I didn't feel in control, or I didn't like my life circumstances, such as my boss being my landlord, etc. I did learn some independence even though I was in a cult lol. I was told what part of the work to go to, what country to go to, then left and forgotten about. I had to find odd jobs with limited handman/farm skills and couldn't make any commitments. I had to make it work.
I'm hedging my bets that being more independent will help me to overcome my self-destructive habits. Frankly, I've struggled with food addiction before I even got involved in the high-control group. I'm not overweight and am actually very fit, but you know when you have a problem.
I haven't confessed this to anyone in my life, but I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago and have talked about using food to cope. I have a good relationship with some of my family members but I guess I just don't want sympathy. There was a time maybe 12-13 years ago I had a major eczema issue with my skin, lived with my mother and told my sisters I wasn't interested in going to see a Western medical practitioner. Frankly, the crying, begging and emotional strain of having people care about me with good intentions can be a lot to bear. It doesn't always make things better.
I have hobbies, but I don't fully express myself and my interests around my mother and family members. I'm hoping that living on my own (even with roommates), I can focus on increasing my earning potential, work occasional side jobs and focus on my hobbies (singing, Spanish language, martial arts, yoga, etc.) and that this purpose will help me to face uncomfortable emotions and not rely on coping in negative ways.
I'd like to move out of the house and keep reworking my budget, but it's tough. I currently make $21.50/hr. but if I go to another company, I may be taking a pay cut. Although currently, I don't have any benefit package from my job and with a different company, I'd have a package. I currently have about $21,000 in a HYSA that is a combination of an emergency fund and new catruck savings.
I drive a Toyota Solara with 246,000 miles that's been well-cared for. I just put in a new alternator and new tires. Part of my hesitation in leaving my company and current city is that I don't know how much longer this car will last. I don't want to be somewhere I don't know anybody and have to deal with towing a scrap car, potentially missing work at a new company, getting a rental car and finding something reliable with Uber's and whatnot. I don't necessarily NEED a truck but am looking at everything from Tundras to Rangers because it will help me keep options open for weekend side jobs and also to move living situations if I need to.
At my current job, I'm not getting the best training (but it's okay and I can make it work), but I have a company van, they may have given me a little too early (7 months in). So, if my personal car breaks down on a weekend while I have a work van and I'm living with my mother, it's not a huge deal. Problem is, I live in a HCOL area, but I could probably find a roommate and keep my housing/utility costs under $850/mo.
My credit is 694 and I don't want to have a car loan that is less than 91.5% paid off while potentially needing to have a landlord run my credit. 694 should be fine for an apartment, but not if I add a mostly unpaid car loan.
My buddy's mother and her partner have a mother-in-law suite they are trying to rent out in a major city 1 hour away from me. They would charge below market value and there is a good plumbing company in the area I would try to get in with. They are known for having a wonderful paid training program (they actually subcontract out their training). I'd likely take a pay cut but get benefits I'm currently paying for myself (dental, health, retirement). I would probably be someone's helper for 2-6 months before getting my own work vehicle. This is an option.
I guess there's a part of me that feels bad to leave my current company. There is sideways and upward mobility, I have enough say (due to my work ethic and intellect) that I can mostly work with who I want to. They took a chance on me, pay me decently (started me at $20 and now got an additional $1.50 after 10 months) and they make a decent effort to teach me stuff. Problem is they aren't organized with how they bill jobs, among other thing. Some jobs are time and materials, some things are flat rate, some things are a total toss up and some are charity for the church, which takes money out of the employees pockets. At the risk of sounding like I'm slandering them, a good few of the guys are pot heads and even smoke at work. Warnings have been given, but nobody gets fired. If you splash too much water out of a small puddle, I guess you're only left with mud. But I still believe that a company should have standards. Small family company and management doesn't really command respect. We lose money on efficiency and productivity. Guys 6 years in still don't know how to solder and make what I make, some less. One of our lead plumbers makes $.50 an hour more than I do.
So my point is that I could do okay if I stayed in this city with my current job, for now, but I wouldn't be relying on being around people with a growth mindset. I would be relying on my own drive, which is fickle. I'm driven, but I feel like I'm also influenced by my environment. If I stay here, I'd continue seeing my therapist, but if I move to the larger city with arguably the better company, I'd probably find another therapist and would also have access to a couple different men's groups, but nothing like Overeaters Anonymous or Smart Recovery. There are options though for help if I need it, more so in the larger city.
I'll add that my former cult is based out of the larger city with these opportunities. They aren't like a major Church, but are low-key, Christian-influenced Andean Shamanic type people who are followers of someone very charismatic with a few allegations of sexual harassment, although nothing is concrete so far (I think). If I moved there, I may run into the people I left who I was very close to for 9 years. Wouldn't be a big deal I don't think, but I might have to face that.
Budget: $2,900 monthly net income
$693 food (inflated due to not feeling comfortable in my mom's kitchen to cook healthy/cheap)
$541 IRA contributions
$150 catruck savings
$100 gas
$80 clothes/shoe allowance
$80 counseling copayments
$70 health insurance
$70 Verizon bill
$55 car maintenance
$50 supplements
$35 dental insurance
$25 cleaning/maintenance
That leaves me with $951 for rent/utilities, but perhaps more. My food spending should go down substantially if I live alone, but it might not go down if I have to share a kitchen with someone.
I get bonuses at work but don't build my budget around that or anything I make from side jobs.
My mother has decided to pay my car insurance and I won't necessarily complain about that.
Currently Reading:
"The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz
"Break the Binge Eating Cycle" Sylvana Siskov
The last thing I'll add is that I'm learning to enjoy taking ice baths and am trying to pursue difficult things in order to build up my discipline. If you've read all that, thank you and I hope you can offer some insight that maybe I'm missing. Also, if there's another sub I should post this expression, suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Have a great weekend!
2023.04.01 16:20 FamiliarChanges [M4F] Witch’s new familiar
I’d been looking for a new flat mate for weeks, and was getting desperate; I’d never be able to pay rent on my own. You weren’t the usual type of person I’d want to live with, but I was in a state, so here we are.
A month down the line, and the extent of my mistake had become apparent. We did not get on. At all. You seemed like a weird person: you were quiet, yet obnoxious, you dressed strangely, always left weird things lying around the house, peculiar sounds came from your room, and most annoyingly, you always tried to tell me what to do.
I was getting close to asking you to leave, but you had other plans.
I had no idea, but you were a witch. Secretly studying to advance your skills and pass your remaining exams, you couldn’t stand me any longer. Fortunately for you, you could do something about it, and you didn’t have a familiar yet.
You wanted the classic black cat, and although you could imbue a stray with magic, you knew the best ones were those that used to be human. The variant of the spell for witches at your level was a complicated one that took about a week to complete, using a mixture of potions and verbal spells, resulting in a strong link being formed between you and your new feline friend.
————————————————————
Hey there, I hope this idea interests someone out there.
I’m really interested in fleshing out a meaningful relationship and story between our two characters as the changes take place over the week, focusing on how the spell changes our connection as well as me physically. I am also happy to slightly change the setup if you have any other ideas or suggestions.
Please message me if you’d like to discuss further!
submitted by FamiliarChanges to Roleplay [link] [comments]
A month down the line, and the extent of my mistake had become apparent. We did not get on. At all. You seemed like a weird person: you were quiet, yet obnoxious, you dressed strangely, always left weird things lying around the house, peculiar sounds came from your room, and most annoyingly, you always tried to tell me what to do.
I was getting close to asking you to leave, but you had other plans.
I had no idea, but you were a witch. Secretly studying to advance your skills and pass your remaining exams, you couldn’t stand me any longer. Fortunately for you, you could do something about it, and you didn’t have a familiar yet.
You wanted the classic black cat, and although you could imbue a stray with magic, you knew the best ones were those that used to be human. The variant of the spell for witches at your level was a complicated one that took about a week to complete, using a mixture of potions and verbal spells, resulting in a strong link being formed between you and your new feline friend.
————————————————————
Hey there, I hope this idea interests someone out there.
I’m really interested in fleshing out a meaningful relationship and story between our two characters as the changes take place over the week, focusing on how the spell changes our connection as well as me physically. I am also happy to slightly change the setup if you have any other ideas or suggestions.
Please message me if you’d like to discuss further!
2023.04.01 16:20 Wan_Haole_Faka Restarting at 32 in Plumbing, Left Cult, Overcoming Self-Harm
This is sort of a broad post with many facets and I don't have a TLDR. I was in a high-control "spiritual" group from age 21-30 and am having some challenges readjusting to many of the "realities" of life. I don't know where to go to for help and would greatly appreciate outside perspectives.
I'm starting my 2nd year as an apprentice plumber after finishing first in my trade school (once I decided to leave said group).
I believe that one of the triggers for addictive/self-destructive behavior is trying to avoid challenging emotions. I struggle with binge eating maybe 50% of evenings and I live with my mother. She has been wonderfully supportive since I decided to make my own decisions in life and doesn't charge me rent, never will and will allow me to stay as long as I want to.
Last year I paid off $7,000 of credit card debt and maxed my new Roth IRA. The year before I paid $6,000 of delinquent capital gains tax. All these debts were due to squandering an inheritance from my grandfather due to me having a good heart, being gullible perhaps and not having any financial literacy until I decided that personal sovereignty was very important to me.
Anyways, living with my mother has allowed me to save a little money, but I'm not happy with the emotional/social dynamic. I don't want to speculate too much, but I think I reject the kind of love my mother wants to give me. She's getting better about seeing me as an adult, but still does things like trying to speak for me to others while in my presence, kind of normal mothering stuff for a little boy, I guess. She's retired and I think sort of has a tendency to live vicariously through others. I don't think it's healthy and so I don't really talk about my life much or communicate much with her at all. I respect her, but we're into different things and frankly, as adults, don't have a lot of common interests, which is fine. Me living with her is putting a fair strain on both of us I think, but she'll never ask me to leave.
We don't eat together for various reasons. Partially it's scheduling, she's more into snacking and I don't like talking while eating. Also, although I don't show it outwardly, I think I get triggered by her questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated and as an adult, I don't owe her any answers.
I think one of my triggers for binge eating is feeling trapped and not in control of my life. I'm wondering if living on my own will help me to "man up" for lack of a better phrase and just make my life work. I've lived alone and with roommates before in many different situations. However I also struggled with binge eating/drinking while living alone in situations where I didn't feel in control, or I didn't like my life circumstances, such as my boss being my landlord, etc. I did learn some independence even though I was in a cult lol. I was told what part of the work to go to, what country to go to, then left and forgotten about. I had to find odd jobs with limited handman/farm skills and couldn't make any commitments. I had to make it work.
I'm hedging my bets that being more independent will help me to overcome my self-destructive habits. Frankly, I've struggled with food addiction before I even got involved in the high-control group. I'm not overweight and am actually very fit, but you know when you have a problem.
I haven't confessed this to anyone in my life, but I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago and have talked about using food to cope. I have a good relationship with some of my family members but I guess I just don't want sympathy. There was a time maybe 12-13 years ago I had a major eczema issue with my skin, lived with my mother and told my sisters I wasn't interested in going to see a Western medical practitioner. Frankly, the crying, begging and emotional strain of having people care about me with good intentions can be a lot to bear. It doesn't always make things better.
I have hobbies, but I don't fully express myself and my interests around my mother and family members. I'm hoping that living on my own (even with roommates), I can focus on increasing my earning potential, work occasional side jobs and focus on my hobbies (singing, Spanish language, martial arts, yoga, etc.) and that this purpose will help me to face uncomfortable emotions and not rely on coping in negative ways.
I'd like to move out of the house and keep reworking my budget, but it's tough. I currently make $21.50/hr. but if I go to another company, I may be taking a pay cut. Although currently, I don't have any benefit package from my job and with a different company, I'd have a package. I currently have about $21,000 in a HYSA that is a combination of an emergency fund and new catruck savings.
I drive a Toyota Solara with 246,000 miles that's been well-cared for. I just put in a new alternator and new tires. Part of my hesitation in leaving my company and current city is that I don't know how much longer this car will last. I don't want to be somewhere I don't know anybody and have to deal with towing a scrap car, potentially missing work at a new company, getting a rental car and finding something reliable with Uber's and whatnot. I don't necessarily NEED a truck but am looking at everything from Tundras to Rangers because it will help me keep options open for weekend side jobs and also to move living situations if I need to.
At my current job, I'm not getting the best training (but it's okay and I can make it work), but I have a company van, they may have given me a little too early (7 months in). So, if my personal car breaks down on a weekend while I have a work van and I'm living with my mother, it's not a huge deal. Problem is, I live in a HCOL area, but I could probably find a roommate and keep my housing/utility costs under $850/mo.
My credit is 694 and I don't want to have a car loan that is less than 91.5% paid off while potentially needing to have a landlord run my credit. 694 should be fine for an apartment, but not if I add a mostly unpaid car loan.
My buddy's mother and her partner have a mother-in-law suite they are trying to rent out in a major city 1 hour away from me. They would charge below market value and there is a good plumbing company in the area I would try to get in with. They are known for having a wonderful paid training program (they actually subcontract out their training). I'd likely take a pay cut but get benefits I'm currently paying for myself (dental, health, retirement). I would probably be someone's helper for 2-6 months before getting my own work vehicle. This is an option.
I guess there's a part of me that feels bad to leave my current company. There is sideways and upward mobility, I have enough say (due to my work ethic and intellect) that I can mostly work with who I want to. They took a chance on me, pay me decently (started me at $20 and now got an additional $1.50 after 10 months) and they make a decent effort to teach me stuff. Problem is they aren't organized with how they bill jobs, among other thing. Some jobs are time and materials, some things are flat rate, some things are a total toss up and some are charity for the church, which takes money out of the employees pockets. At the risk of sounding like I'm slandering them, a good few of the guys are pot heads and even smoke at work. Warnings have been given, but nobody gets fired. If you splash too much water out of a small puddle, I guess you're only left with mud. But I still believe that a company should have standards. Small family company and management doesn't really command respect. We lose money on efficiency and productivity. Guys 6 years in still don't know how to solder and make what I make, some less. One of our lead plumbers makes $.50 an hour more than I do.
So my point is that I could do okay if I stayed in this city with my current job, for now, but I wouldn't be relying on being around people with a growth mindset. I would be relying on my own drive, which is fickle. I'm driven, but I feel like I'm also influenced by my environment. If I stay here, I'd continue seeing my therapist, but if I move to the larger city with arguably the better company, I'd probably find another therapist and would also have access to a couple different men's groups, but nothing like Overeaters Anonymous or Smart Recovery. There are options though for help if I need it, more so in the larger city.
I'll add that my former cult is based out of the larger city with these opportunities. They aren't like a major Church, but are low-key, Christian-influenced Andean Shamanic type people who are followers of someone very charismatic with a few allegations of sexual harassment, although nothing is concrete so far (I think). If I moved there, I may run into the people I left who I was very close to for 9 years. Wouldn't be a big deal I don't think, but I might have to face that.
Budget: $2,900 monthly net income
$693 food (inflated due to not feeling comfortable in my mom's kitchen to cook healthy/cheap)
$541 IRA contributions
$150 catruck savings
$100 gas
$80 clothes/shoe allowance
$80 counseling copayments
$70 health insurance
$70 Verizon bill
$55 car maintenance
$50 supplements
$35 dental insurance
$25 cleaning/maintenance
That leaves me with $951 for rent/utilities, but perhaps more. My food spending should go down substantially if I live alone, but it might not go down if I have to share a kitchen with someone.
I get bonuses at work but don't build my budget around that or anything I make from side jobs.
My mother has decided to pay my car insurance and I won't necessarily complain about that.
Currently Reading:
"The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz
"Break the Binge Eating Cycle" Sylvana Siskov
The last thing I'll add is that I'm learning to enjoy taking ice baths and am trying to pursue difficult things in order to build up my discipline. If you've read all that, thank you and I hope you can offer some insight that maybe I'm missing. Also, if there's another sub I should post this expression, suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Have a great weekend!
submitted by Wan_Haole_Faka to addiction [link] [comments]
I'm starting my 2nd year as an apprentice plumber after finishing first in my trade school (once I decided to leave said group).
I believe that one of the triggers for addictive/self-destructive behavior is trying to avoid challenging emotions. I struggle with binge eating maybe 50% of evenings and I live with my mother. She has been wonderfully supportive since I decided to make my own decisions in life and doesn't charge me rent, never will and will allow me to stay as long as I want to.
Last year I paid off $7,000 of credit card debt and maxed my new Roth IRA. The year before I paid $6,000 of delinquent capital gains tax. All these debts were due to squandering an inheritance from my grandfather due to me having a good heart, being gullible perhaps and not having any financial literacy until I decided that personal sovereignty was very important to me.
Anyways, living with my mother has allowed me to save a little money, but I'm not happy with the emotional/social dynamic. I don't want to speculate too much, but I think I reject the kind of love my mother wants to give me. She's getting better about seeing me as an adult, but still does things like trying to speak for me to others while in my presence, kind of normal mothering stuff for a little boy, I guess. She's retired and I think sort of has a tendency to live vicariously through others. I don't think it's healthy and so I don't really talk about my life much or communicate much with her at all. I respect her, but we're into different things and frankly, as adults, don't have a lot of common interests, which is fine. Me living with her is putting a fair strain on both of us I think, but she'll never ask me to leave.
We don't eat together for various reasons. Partially it's scheduling, she's more into snacking and I don't like talking while eating. Also, although I don't show it outwardly, I think I get triggered by her questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated and as an adult, I don't owe her any answers.
I think one of my triggers for binge eating is feeling trapped and not in control of my life. I'm wondering if living on my own will help me to "man up" for lack of a better phrase and just make my life work. I've lived alone and with roommates before in many different situations. However I also struggled with binge eating/drinking while living alone in situations where I didn't feel in control, or I didn't like my life circumstances, such as my boss being my landlord, etc. I did learn some independence even though I was in a cult lol. I was told what part of the work to go to, what country to go to, then left and forgotten about. I had to find odd jobs with limited handman/farm skills and couldn't make any commitments. I had to make it work.
I'm hedging my bets that being more independent will help me to overcome my self-destructive habits. Frankly, I've struggled with food addiction before I even got involved in the high-control group. I'm not overweight and am actually very fit, but you know when you have a problem.
I haven't confessed this to anyone in my life, but I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago and have talked about using food to cope. I have a good relationship with some of my family members but I guess I just don't want sympathy. There was a time maybe 12-13 years ago I had a major eczema issue with my skin, lived with my mother and told my sisters I wasn't interested in going to see a Western medical practitioner. Frankly, the crying, begging and emotional strain of having people care about me with good intentions can be a lot to bear. It doesn't always make things better.
I have hobbies, but I don't fully express myself and my interests around my mother and family members. I'm hoping that living on my own (even with roommates), I can focus on increasing my earning potential, work occasional side jobs and focus on my hobbies (singing, Spanish language, martial arts, yoga, etc.) and that this purpose will help me to face uncomfortable emotions and not rely on coping in negative ways.
I'd like to move out of the house and keep reworking my budget, but it's tough. I currently make $21.50/hr. but if I go to another company, I may be taking a pay cut. Although currently, I don't have any benefit package from my job and with a different company, I'd have a package. I currently have about $21,000 in a HYSA that is a combination of an emergency fund and new catruck savings.
I drive a Toyota Solara with 246,000 miles that's been well-cared for. I just put in a new alternator and new tires. Part of my hesitation in leaving my company and current city is that I don't know how much longer this car will last. I don't want to be somewhere I don't know anybody and have to deal with towing a scrap car, potentially missing work at a new company, getting a rental car and finding something reliable with Uber's and whatnot. I don't necessarily NEED a truck but am looking at everything from Tundras to Rangers because it will help me keep options open for weekend side jobs and also to move living situations if I need to.
At my current job, I'm not getting the best training (but it's okay and I can make it work), but I have a company van, they may have given me a little too early (7 months in). So, if my personal car breaks down on a weekend while I have a work van and I'm living with my mother, it's not a huge deal. Problem is, I live in a HCOL area, but I could probably find a roommate and keep my housing/utility costs under $850/mo.
My credit is 694 and I don't want to have a car loan that is less than 91.5% paid off while potentially needing to have a landlord run my credit. 694 should be fine for an apartment, but not if I add a mostly unpaid car loan.
My buddy's mother and her partner have a mother-in-law suite they are trying to rent out in a major city 1 hour away from me. They would charge below market value and there is a good plumbing company in the area I would try to get in with. They are known for having a wonderful paid training program (they actually subcontract out their training). I'd likely take a pay cut but get benefits I'm currently paying for myself (dental, health, retirement). I would probably be someone's helper for 2-6 months before getting my own work vehicle. This is an option.
I guess there's a part of me that feels bad to leave my current company. There is sideways and upward mobility, I have enough say (due to my work ethic and intellect) that I can mostly work with who I want to. They took a chance on me, pay me decently (started me at $20 and now got an additional $1.50 after 10 months) and they make a decent effort to teach me stuff. Problem is they aren't organized with how they bill jobs, among other thing. Some jobs are time and materials, some things are flat rate, some things are a total toss up and some are charity for the church, which takes money out of the employees pockets. At the risk of sounding like I'm slandering them, a good few of the guys are pot heads and even smoke at work. Warnings have been given, but nobody gets fired. If you splash too much water out of a small puddle, I guess you're only left with mud. But I still believe that a company should have standards. Small family company and management doesn't really command respect. We lose money on efficiency and productivity. Guys 6 years in still don't know how to solder and make what I make, some less. One of our lead plumbers makes $.50 an hour more than I do.
So my point is that I could do okay if I stayed in this city with my current job, for now, but I wouldn't be relying on being around people with a growth mindset. I would be relying on my own drive, which is fickle. I'm driven, but I feel like I'm also influenced by my environment. If I stay here, I'd continue seeing my therapist, but if I move to the larger city with arguably the better company, I'd probably find another therapist and would also have access to a couple different men's groups, but nothing like Overeaters Anonymous or Smart Recovery. There are options though for help if I need it, more so in the larger city.
I'll add that my former cult is based out of the larger city with these opportunities. They aren't like a major Church, but are low-key, Christian-influenced Andean Shamanic type people who are followers of someone very charismatic with a few allegations of sexual harassment, although nothing is concrete so far (I think). If I moved there, I may run into the people I left who I was very close to for 9 years. Wouldn't be a big deal I don't think, but I might have to face that.
Budget: $2,900 monthly net income
$693 food (inflated due to not feeling comfortable in my mom's kitchen to cook healthy/cheap)
$541 IRA contributions
$150 catruck savings
$100 gas
$80 clothes/shoe allowance
$80 counseling copayments
$70 health insurance
$70 Verizon bill
$55 car maintenance
$50 supplements
$35 dental insurance
$25 cleaning/maintenance
That leaves me with $951 for rent/utilities, but perhaps more. My food spending should go down substantially if I live alone, but it might not go down if I have to share a kitchen with someone.
I get bonuses at work but don't build my budget around that or anything I make from side jobs.
My mother has decided to pay my car insurance and I won't necessarily complain about that.
Currently Reading:
"The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz
"Break the Binge Eating Cycle" Sylvana Siskov
The last thing I'll add is that I'm learning to enjoy taking ice baths and am trying to pursue difficult things in order to build up my discipline. If you've read all that, thank you and I hope you can offer some insight that maybe I'm missing. Also, if there's another sub I should post this expression, suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Have a great weekend!
2023.04.01 16:19 Unlikely_Special4553 My family is so toxic
I'm renting a house off my dad and it's right across the alley from my parents. My dad threw a fit because I told him he couldn't come over everyday and that I wanted some time and space to relax considering I work 40 hours and I had to come to his house to shower because the shower here floods the basement. I also don't have a working stove so I have to go over there to cook food and shit. My mom keeps "joking" that she'll take my house she can't though because she has 5 kids and it's a small house. It's still rude though. Like I work hard to pay for this house to get away from the toxicity of my childhood. Like I just want peace. Fuck.
submitted by Unlikely_Special4553 to Vent [link] [comments]
2023.04.01 16:19 Imustknowy Is this Jocasta complex?? Or BPD?
My MIL is one of the weirdest people I have ever met. Ever since I met my husband she is obsessed with her sons sex life. For context she grew up communist and in a boarding school. She never dated. She ended up marrying the only unmarried boy in her town. They moved to the US. She fell pregnant her husband who started to decline with MS at 30. He could not longer function and has been in a nursing home since the 90s. She ended up raising my husband alone. Long story short I met my husband during the pandemic. Since the very beginning she has been manipulative and try to break us apart. She has no filter. One of the first times I met her she came into my room and went into my underwear drawer and pulled out a thong. She told me I was a whore for wearing that. She would constantly calls me fat and ugly and say I’m surprised my son is into you because you are not skinny and blonde (I’m Latina). My husband is always sticking up for me and yelling at her. She reply’s with “I’m the mother and you’re the son”. At a point she was completely finiacally dependent on my husband. He was paying for her rent, phone, car, cable etc. We decided to move out of state. And he cut her off. That’s when she become crazy. She gifted me lingerie and said this is for you to have sex with my son. I thought it was weird. A few months later I fell pregnant and had a miscarriage and she told me she was glad because she wishes her son married a Russian woman and now since I had a miscarriage he has a chance again. A few months later we got married. She showed up late to the wedding and told me right before pictures I looked fat. I’ve tried to stay civil with this woman after all of these horrible things and these are just the slight few. She never makes any attempt to see her grandchild or even ask about her. My baby is 9 months and she has only seen her maybe 8 times. We moved back and We do not live far at all. The last time I went to her house she had hung up a picture that my husband sent her of all of us. But she cropped me out framed it and hung it up. I asked her why. She said she loved how her son looked and didn’t think it was weird. On the latest occasion. She gifted me lube and said it was to have sex with her son. I was so offended I cut her off. She is harassing my husband saying that I need to talk with her. Once again she is trying to manipulate the situation and is trying to gas light me. The lube she bought me was the brand chivaye. She says it’s for taming skin and a moisturizer. She sent me countless messages how I am misunderstanding and she loves me like a daughter. I told her I am done with her behavior and haven’t answered any of her texts to me. She’s now threatening to put her self into the hospital to my husband. It’s causing lots of stress in our marriage. What would you do ?
submitted by Imustknowy to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
2023.04.01 16:14 blegoo94 28 [M4F] St. Louis, MO - Hi. I have Asperger's and I'm interested in finding a relationship.
Hey there! My name is Ryan and I'm from St. Louis, Missouri. I'm looking for a long term relationship; the "until death do us part" kind of relationship. I am 100% monogamous and I don't want that to ever change. I know physical attractiveness is important, so here is a picture of me. I'm 6'0", bearded, bald, and with a smile to light up your day!
So you're probably mostly interested in my title. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 20 years old.
My biggest symptom is that my ability to socialize is pretty shit. I'm just a pretty quiet person.
Most people would not guess that I have Asperger's because for one I am already very high functioning in comparison to most people with it. Second, I have been masking my traits for so long by not talking a lot that being 'the quiet guy' has just become natural to me.
Whenever I do talk, it's like everything goes through a subconscious filter in my head and I do a pretty good job at seeming neurotypical because of it.
If you're wondering if being in a relationship with me means that you have to be some kind of caretaker, you won't. I am 100% independent. I currently live alone half way across the US from family, work full time as a lead, pay my own bills, drive my own car, have my own hobbies, etc..
If you're also wondering if I would be communicative in a relationship, the answer is very much yes.
I've never been in a serious relationship before. The closest thing I have been in is a LDR and had a couple FWBs. I suck at talking to people. Woman or not lol. I was recently hit on at a club (I don't normally go to clubs. It was with an engagement party.), and I didn't realize it until she left. Stuff like this happens at my work too sometimes. Point is to further show that I am socially inept.
I've been typically described as kind, smart, gentle, sweet, caring, compromising, affectionate, clingy (in a healthy way), and loyal. I've taken the love language test before and I found that I love physical touch and quality time spent together. Sex, cuddling, kissing, and hand holding while spending plenty of time together will make me the happiest boyfriend in the world!
Some indoor hobbies I enjoy are PC gaming, programming, listening to music, watching movies/shows/anime. And some outdoor hobbies/activities I enjoy (especially with someone else) are going for walks, working on some kind of DIY project, going out to eat, and going to the park. Honestly I just spend most of my free time coding. I'd like to say I'm too mature for memes but then I end up seeing them every day on reddit.
Some qualities I value would be a good emotional intelligence, the time and ability to put effort into getting to know me, and just being a genuinely kind person. I've found that I can get along very well with extroverted people because they can counteract my quiet nature easily, or introverted people that have similar hobbies.
Other about-me stuff you may find important: I am politically liberal, atheist, and super non judgmental.
An LDR is not entirely out of the question for me. If you really believe that we are a great match, then let's chat. I would prefer you are in the US though.
Here's some keywords for people who use the search function: stl, missouri, illinois, stlouis, st. charles, edwardsville, glen carbon, clayton, richmond heights, affton, webster groves
submitted by blegoo94 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
So you're probably mostly interested in my title. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 20 years old.
My biggest symptom is that my ability to socialize is pretty shit. I'm just a pretty quiet person.
Most people would not guess that I have Asperger's because for one I am already very high functioning in comparison to most people with it. Second, I have been masking my traits for so long by not talking a lot that being 'the quiet guy' has just become natural to me.
Whenever I do talk, it's like everything goes through a subconscious filter in my head and I do a pretty good job at seeming neurotypical because of it.
If you're wondering if being in a relationship with me means that you have to be some kind of caretaker, you won't. I am 100% independent. I currently live alone half way across the US from family, work full time as a lead, pay my own bills, drive my own car, have my own hobbies, etc..
If you're also wondering if I would be communicative in a relationship, the answer is very much yes.
I've never been in a serious relationship before. The closest thing I have been in is a LDR and had a couple FWBs. I suck at talking to people. Woman or not lol. I was recently hit on at a club (I don't normally go to clubs. It was with an engagement party.), and I didn't realize it until she left. Stuff like this happens at my work too sometimes. Point is to further show that I am socially inept.
I've been typically described as kind, smart, gentle, sweet, caring, compromising, affectionate, clingy (in a healthy way), and loyal. I've taken the love language test before and I found that I love physical touch and quality time spent together. Sex, cuddling, kissing, and hand holding while spending plenty of time together will make me the happiest boyfriend in the world!
Some indoor hobbies I enjoy are PC gaming, programming, listening to music, watching movies/shows/anime. And some outdoor hobbies/activities I enjoy (especially with someone else) are going for walks, working on some kind of DIY project, going out to eat, and going to the park. Honestly I just spend most of my free time coding. I'd like to say I'm too mature for memes but then I end up seeing them every day on reddit.
Some qualities I value would be a good emotional intelligence, the time and ability to put effort into getting to know me, and just being a genuinely kind person. I've found that I can get along very well with extroverted people because they can counteract my quiet nature easily, or introverted people that have similar hobbies.
Other about-me stuff you may find important: I am politically liberal, atheist, and super non judgmental.
An LDR is not entirely out of the question for me. If you really believe that we are a great match, then let's chat. I would prefer you are in the US though.
Here's some keywords for people who use the search function: stl, missouri, illinois, stlouis, st. charles, edwardsville, glen carbon, clayton, richmond heights, affton, webster groves
2023.04.01 16:12 seannestor This Week in Toledo 4/1/23
 | submitted by seannestor to toledo [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/7u6wyqfh6ara1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=0969cb17bea6685e8c30c2d8a0940f55890162b2 • On Monday, Lucas Metropolitan Housing announced plans to invest $121 million in mixed housing development in the Junction neighborhood over the next ten years. The effort is funded by a $40 million grant from the U.S. Department of Housing & Urban Development's Choice Neighborhoods Initiative with the remaining funds coming from a number of community partners, including Toledo Public Schools, the Toledo Police Department, HOPE Toledo, Neighborhood Health Association, and ProMedica. • Also on Monday, the Toledo Area Regional Transit Authority (TARTA) unveiled several new route expansions, including routes every 60 minutes instead of every 90 minutes; increased route frequency on weekends; the expansion of route 32 into the Spring Meadows shopping area; and the establishment of a new route, route 33, which will run between Uptown and South Toledo through Junction. • On Tuesday, Toledo City Council reviewed a proposal to create a new regional-scale playground at Ottawa Park that would incorporate custom equipment of popular Toledo icons such as a Jeep and the high-level bridge. The playground will also be covered in rubber surfacing to make it fully accessible to all children. The $1.1 million project, if approved, it is expected to be installed by late summer. Council also heard plans to lease city-owned Sterling Field to the Toledo Celtics Rugby organization for $500 annually. • Also on Tuesday, the Lucas County Commissioners voted to approve a request from ProMedica for leniency regarding when it has to pay the $5 million it pledged to secure naming rights to the Glass City Center Powered by ProMedica (formerly the SeaGate Convention Centre). The original agreement required them to pay $333,333 each year for 15 years beginning as soon as the ballroom was completed, which was in August of 2022. • In further Tuesday news, officials with Toledo Public Schools announced that sixteen seniors were in danger of not being able to graduate due to unpaid debts to private schools incurred while using EdChoice vouchers. The district is seeking donors to cover the $36,000 collectively held by the students so that they can receive their transcripts and graduate. • On Wednesday, Mayor Kapszukiewicz gave his annual state of the city address at the Frederick Douglass Center. In it, he announced plans to convert 500+ acres of land currently used by the Toledo Executive Airport into a site for manufacturing electric vehicle parts; ongoing efforts to reduce gun violence by partnering with Cities United; and the need for $900 million in repairs to the Bay View Water Treatment Plant on North Summit Street. • Also on Wednesday, Mercy Health stated their intent to hire over 400 employees of St. Luke's Hospital. St. Luke's hospital currently employs 861 people and is set to close by May 15 due to financial losses. • On Thursday, Mayor Kapszukiewicz announced that he had selected Michael Troendle to be the city's new police chief. Chief Troendle had served as deputy police chief under former police chief George Kral, who retired on January 9 of this year. • Also on Thursday, the boards of the Lucas County Economic Development Corporation and Lucas County Builds considered a motion to provide $3.5 million toward the Toledo Colony Apartments, a $45 million, 262-unit luxury apartment development at Central and Upton. The project was being driven by ProMedica until recent financial woes forced it to scale back. The motion was tabled pending legal inquiries into whether the bodies, which historically have only provided grants or loans for development projects, are able to provide equity investment. • In further Thursday news, a ribbon-cutting ceremony was held for the Mosaic Early Learning Center at 860 Orchard Street in South Toledo. The building will house the Mosaic Children's Zone, a pre-kindergarten education program modeled after the award-winning Harlem Children's Zone in New York City. • On Friday, ProMedica delayed posting its 2022 financial reports to bondholders for the second time; the organization had previously delayed posting the results on March 1, stating it needed an additional 30 days. It is expected to post losses of around $358.6 million. • Also on Friday, the Ritter Planetarium at the University of Toledo re-opened to the public with a new $320,000 digital projection system. The planetarium will show "Stars of the Pharaohs" every Friday at 7:30 p.m. between now and April 28 and "Zulu Patrol: Under the Weather" every Saturday at 1 p.m. through April 29. Tickets are $8 for adults and $6 for children. • ProMedica has stated that due to ongoing financial issues, it has exited from its 10-year presenting sponsorship of the U.S. Women's Open, which began only last year. The organization has also put on hold a $10 million commitment to the Metroparks Toled Foundation to cover expenses related to construction of the Glass City Riverwalk project and has withdrawn it's $60,000 presenting sponsorship of this year's Jeep Fest. • The Lucas County Mental Health & Recovery Services Board is considering a 20-year lease in the former HCR ManorCare building at 333 N. Summit Street at a rate of $14.25 per square foot - almost twice the $7.25 per square foot it pays for its current building on Adams Street. Board Director Scott Sylak states that it is justifiable on the basis that a recent study found that it would cost $35-40 million to renovate their current building. County commissioner Pete Gerken added that the move would not happen unless Lucas County Job & Family Services moved into the building. Though the Toledo-Lucas County Port Authority owns the building, the county agencies would sub-lease from ProMedica. • Those who purchase electricity from FirstEnergy are likely to see their rates double in June from $0.053/kWh to an estimated $0.102/kWh. Those affected can seek other suppliers using the Energy Choice Ohio website operated by the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio (PUCO). For more information, visit https://www.energychoice.ohio.gov/ApplesToApplesCategory.aspx?Category=Electric • Former Walbridge Mayor Dan Wilczynski, a Republican, has announced plans to challenge Marcy Kaptur for her seat representing the 9th Congressional District in the United States Houses of Representatives in 2024. • On Saturday (April 1) from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m., a town hall on rail safety legislation will take place at the Oregon Public Library (3340 Dustin Road in Oregon). Panelists include U.S. Representative Marcy Kaptur, State Representatives Dr. Michele Grim and Josh Williams, State Senator Paula Hicks-Hudson, and Ohio State Legislative Board Chair John Esterly. • Next Monday (April 3), ProMedica will open a new 80,000-square-foot medical office building in Perrysburg at 1620 Brigham Drive. • Also next Monday (April 3) from 5:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m., the City of Toledo's Department of Parks and Youth Services will hold a public meeting at the Toledo Police Museum (2201 Kenwood Blvd.) regarding proposed improvements to the paved trail that goes around Ottawa Park. • Next Thursday (April 6) at 12:00 p.m., Monroe Street United Methodist Church (3613 Monroe St.) will be hosting a presentation on LGBT issues by Joe Wood, board chair of Equality Toledo. The cost to attend is $15, which includes lunch, and attendees must RSVP to [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]). • You can receive This Week in Toledo via e-mail by subscribing at https://toledo.substack.com/subscribe. You can also receive updates on Facebook by liking the official page at https://www.facebook.com/thisweekintoledo. News sources: The Blade, CBS Cleveland |
2023.04.01 16:03 iwanndie123 I think that's how Hyperspace works.
 | submitted by iwanndie123 to starsector [link] [comments] |
2023.04.01 16:02 Anxious_Hippie-vibes When a man tried to kidnap me
Hi everyone! I got this other story sticking in my mind.
I (22F) was 18 years old at that time. In those days, I was a party girl, going out three times a week and drinking a lot. That time was wild. I decided to host a party, it was my first party and I rented a space in my village, it was a cabin on location for events, very cheap for locals. I organized everything with my (18F) best friend, let’s called her Marie and another friend (18F) named Rose. We were having fun decorating and preparing the party, I was so stressed about the party was going to be lame. I decided to cope the stress with alcohol. When the party started and people arrived, I was already tipsy. I invited unrelated people I knew from middle school to high school and some friends I made at college. Even though no one knew anyone, the party was great and people were meeting each other. I had a boyfriend(19) who was coming with his friends, we were around thirty. It was late summer so the weather was mild and most people were outside talking, laughing and dancing.
I had this middle school friend let’s called her Luna, who binged drink and threw up at the entrance of the cabin. She even hurt her foot and so she had some difficulties to walk. I was a that point, drunk, but I wanted to help my friend. I asked her if she wanted to be put to bed and she said yes. I took her arm and guided her to my house.
I live in a small village in the countryside, so it takes less than 5 minutes to get to my house.It was super safe, I used to wander alone in the streets late at night (1AM -4AM) when I had insomnias and nothing ever happened. It was pitch dark, we were the only ones outside. As we walked, we saw a white suv, but I didn’t think much of it. I came home, gave her some water and let her sleep in my room. I was alone with my sister that night. I warned her of the presence of my friend and headed back to the party.
I was not walking straight, since I was so intoxicated. I saw the white suv parked near the farm. As I continued walking, a black car stopped next to me and opened its window. I looked at the man (I still don’t know what age he was, it was so dark), he said to me “I’ve seen this white suv following you for a while, it is dangerous you should come to my car”. I was drunk but I directly felt that something was wrong. I just answered that I was okay and my friends were nearby. He insisted, he repeated to come to his car for my safety. My inner alarm went off as I was trying to walk faster and answered again that I was okay. Suddenly, I heard the car’s doors opened, he was not alone. I didn’t think twice, I just ran for my life.
I arrived quickly to the cabin, my friends were all drunk, one of my drunk male friends was complimenting Rose. They saw me coming at them in a hurry. The male friend looked at me and started to compliment me. I told him, “Man, someone tried to abduct me”. He stared at me and told me that I shouldn’t have left alone, that it was not safe.
The party lasted until 4AM, people who didn’t drink, took their car and left, the few others were inside the cabin and started to talk. One of my boyfriend’s friends was mad on the Snapchat group because he forgot his knife at the cabin (why did he carry a knife with him at the party?). I told them about what happened and we were all spooked.
After that event I stopped wandering in the village late at night but I hosted a few other parties. I have never seen this man and his black car again.
Most people keep telling me how great the party was, a couple who met at the party are still together. I still wonder to this day, what would have happened to me if I didn’t react that spontaneously.
submitted by Anxious_Hippie-vibes to creepyencounters [link] [comments]
I (22F) was 18 years old at that time. In those days, I was a party girl, going out three times a week and drinking a lot. That time was wild. I decided to host a party, it was my first party and I rented a space in my village, it was a cabin on location for events, very cheap for locals. I organized everything with my (18F) best friend, let’s called her Marie and another friend (18F) named Rose. We were having fun decorating and preparing the party, I was so stressed about the party was going to be lame. I decided to cope the stress with alcohol. When the party started and people arrived, I was already tipsy. I invited unrelated people I knew from middle school to high school and some friends I made at college. Even though no one knew anyone, the party was great and people were meeting each other. I had a boyfriend(19) who was coming with his friends, we were around thirty. It was late summer so the weather was mild and most people were outside talking, laughing and dancing.
I had this middle school friend let’s called her Luna, who binged drink and threw up at the entrance of the cabin. She even hurt her foot and so she had some difficulties to walk. I was a that point, drunk, but I wanted to help my friend. I asked her if she wanted to be put to bed and she said yes. I took her arm and guided her to my house.
I live in a small village in the countryside, so it takes less than 5 minutes to get to my house.It was super safe, I used to wander alone in the streets late at night (1AM -4AM) when I had insomnias and nothing ever happened. It was pitch dark, we were the only ones outside. As we walked, we saw a white suv, but I didn’t think much of it. I came home, gave her some water and let her sleep in my room. I was alone with my sister that night. I warned her of the presence of my friend and headed back to the party.
I was not walking straight, since I was so intoxicated. I saw the white suv parked near the farm. As I continued walking, a black car stopped next to me and opened its window. I looked at the man (I still don’t know what age he was, it was so dark), he said to me “I’ve seen this white suv following you for a while, it is dangerous you should come to my car”. I was drunk but I directly felt that something was wrong. I just answered that I was okay and my friends were nearby. He insisted, he repeated to come to his car for my safety. My inner alarm went off as I was trying to walk faster and answered again that I was okay. Suddenly, I heard the car’s doors opened, he was not alone. I didn’t think twice, I just ran for my life.
I arrived quickly to the cabin, my friends were all drunk, one of my drunk male friends was complimenting Rose. They saw me coming at them in a hurry. The male friend looked at me and started to compliment me. I told him, “Man, someone tried to abduct me”. He stared at me and told me that I shouldn’t have left alone, that it was not safe.
The party lasted until 4AM, people who didn’t drink, took their car and left, the few others were inside the cabin and started to talk. One of my boyfriend’s friends was mad on the Snapchat group because he forgot his knife at the cabin (why did he carry a knife with him at the party?). I told them about what happened and we were all spooked.
After that event I stopped wandering in the village late at night but I hosted a few other parties. I have never seen this man and his black car again.
Most people keep telling me how great the party was, a couple who met at the party are still together. I still wonder to this day, what would have happened to me if I didn’t react that spontaneously.
2023.04.01 16:01 Wan_Haole_Faka Restarting at 32 in Plumbing, Left Cult, Overcoming Self-Harm
This is sort of a broad post with many facets and I don't have a TLDR. I was in a high-control "spiritual" group from age 21-30 and am having some challenges readjusting to many of the "realities" of life. I don't know where to go to for help and would greatly appreciate outside perspectives.
I'm starting my 2nd year as an apprentice plumber after finishing first in my trade school (once I decided to leave said group).
I believe that one of the triggers for addictive/self-destructive behavior is trying to avoid challenging emotions. I struggle with binge eating maybe 50% of evenings and I live with my mother. She has been wonderfully supportive since I decided to make my own decisions in life and doesn't charge me rent, never will and will allow me to stay as long as I want to.
Last year I paid off $7,000 of credit card debt and maxed my new Roth IRA. The year before I paid $6,000 of delinquent capital gains tax. All these debts were due to squandering an inheritance from my grandfather due to me having a good heart, being gullible perhaps and not having any financial literacy until I decided that personal sovereignty was very important to me.
Anyways, living with my mother has allowed me to save a little money, but I'm not happy with the emotional/social dynamic. I don't want to speculate too much, but I think I reject the kind of love my mother wants to give me. She's getting better about seeing me as an adult, but still does things like trying to speak for me to others while in my presence, kind of normal mothering stuff for a little boy, I guess. She's retired and I think sort of has a tendency to live vicariously through others. I don't think it's healthy and so I don't really talk about my life much or communicate much with her at all. I respect her, but we're into different things and frankly, as adults, don't have a lot of common interests, which is fine. Me living with her is putting a fair strain on both of us I think, but she'll never ask me to leave.
We don't eat together for various reasons. Partially it's scheduling, she's more into snacking and I don't like talking while eating. Also, although I don't show it outwardly, I think I get triggered by her questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated and as an adult, I don't owe her any answers.
I think one of my triggers for binge eating is feeling trapped and not in control of my life. I'm wondering if living on my own will help me to "man up" for lack of a better phrase and just make my life work. I've lived alone and with roommates before in many different situations. However I also struggled with binge eating/drinking while living alone in situations where I didn't feel in control, or I didn't like my life circumstances, such as my boss being my landlord, etc. I did learn some independence even though I was in a cult lol. I was told what part of the work to go to, what country to go to, then left and forgotten about. I had to find odd jobs with limited handman/farm skills and couldn't make any commitments. I had to make it work.
I'm hedging my bets that being more independent will help me to overcome my self-destructive habits. Frankly, I've struggled with food addiction before I even got involved in the high-control group. I'm not overweight and am actually very fit, but you know when you have a problem.
I haven't confessed this to anyone in my life, but I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago and have talked about using food to cope. I have a good relationship with some of my family members but I guess I just don't want sympathy. There was a time maybe 12-13 years ago I had a major eczema issue with my skin, lived with my mother and told my sisters I wasn't interested in going to see a Western medical practitioner. Frankly, the crying, begging and emotional strain of having people care about me with good intentions can be a lot to bear. It doesn't always make things better.
I have hobbies, but I don't fully express myself and my interests around my mother and family members. I'm hoping that living on my own (even with roommates), I can focus on increasing my earning potential, work occasional side jobs and focus on my hobbies (singing, Spanish language, martial arts, yoga, etc.) and that this purpose will help me to face uncomfortable emotions and not rely on coping in negative ways.
I'd like to move out of the house and keep reworking my budget, but it's tough. I currently make $21.50/hr. but if I go to another company, I may be taking a pay cut. Although currently, I don't have any benefit package from my job and with a different company, I'd have a package. I currently have about $21,000 in a HYSA that is a combination of an emergency fund and new catruck savings.
I drive a Toyota Solara with 246,000 miles that's been well-cared for. I just put in a new alternator and new tires. Part of my hesitation in leaving my company and current city is that I don't know how much longer this car will last. I don't want to be somewhere I don't know anybody and have to deal with towing a scrap car, potentially missing work at a new company, getting a rental car and finding something reliable with Uber's and whatnot. I don't necessarily NEED a truck but am looking at everything from Tundras to Rangers because it will help me keep options open for weekend side jobs and also to move living situations if I need to.
At my current job, I'm not getting the best training (but it's okay and I can make it work), but I have a company van, they may have given me a little too early (7 months in). So, if my personal car breaks down on a weekend while I have a work van and I'm living with my mother, it's not a huge deal. Problem is, I live in a HCOL area, but I could probably find a roommate and keep my housing/utility costs under $850/mo.
My credit is 694 and I don't want to have a car loan that is less than 91.5% paid off while potentially needing to have a landlord run my credit. 694 should be fine for an apartment, but not if I add a mostly unpaid car loan.
My buddy's mother and her partner have a mother-in-law suite they are trying to rent out in a major city 1 hour away from me. They would charge below market value and there is a good plumbing company in the area I would try to get in with. They are known for having a wonderful paid training program (they actually subcontract out their training). I'd likely take a pay cut but get benefits I'm currently paying for myself (dental, health, retirement). I would probably be someone's helper for 2-6 months before getting my own work vehicle. This is an option.
I guess there's a part of me that feels bad to leave my current company. There is sideways and upward mobility, I have enough say (due to my work ethic and intellect) that I can mostly work with who I want to. They took a chance on me, pay me decently (started me at $20 and now got an additional $1.50 after 10 months) and they make a decent effort to teach me stuff. Problem is they aren't organized with how they bill jobs, among other thing. Some jobs are time and materials, some things are flat rate, some things are a total toss up and some are charity for the church, which takes money out of the employees pockets. At the risk of sounding like I'm slandering them, a good few of the guys are pot heads and even smoke at work. Warnings have been given, but nobody gets fired. If you splash too much water out of a small puddle, I guess you're only left with mud. But I still believe that a company should have standards. Small family company and management doesn't really command respect. We lose money on efficiency and productivity. Guys 6 years in still don't know how to solder and make what I make, some less. One of our lead plumbers makes $.50 an hour more than I do.
So my point is that I could do okay if I stayed in this city with my current job, for now, but I wouldn't be relying on being around people with a growth mindset. I would be relying on my own drive, which is fickle. I'm driven, but I feel like I'm also influenced by my environment. If I stay here, I'd continue seeing my therapist, but if I move to the larger city with arguably the better company, I'd probably find another therapist and would also have access to a couple different men's groups, but nothing like Overeaters Anonymous or Smart Recovery. There are options though for help if I need it, more so in the larger city.
I'll add that my former cult is based out of the larger city with these opportunities. They aren't like a major Church, but are low-key, Christian-influenced Andean Shamanic type people who are followers of someone very charismatic with a few allegations of sexual harassment, although nothing is concrete so far (I think). If I moved there, I may run into the people I left who I was very close to for 9 years. Wouldn't be a big deal I don't think, but I might have to face that.
Budget: $2,900 monthly net income
$693 food (inflated due to not feeling comfortable in my mom's kitchen to cook healthy/cheap)
$541 IRA contributions
$150 catruck savings
$100 gas
$80 clothes/shoe allowance
$80 counseling copayments
$70 health insurance
$70 Verizon bill
$55 car maintenance
$50 supplements
$35 dental insurance
$25 cleaning/maintenance
That leaves me with $951 for rent/utilities, but perhaps more. My food spending should go down substantially if I live alone, but it might not go down if I have to share a kitchen with someone.
I get bonuses at work but don't build my budget around that or anything I make from side jobs.
My mother has decided to pay my car insurance and I won't necessarily complain about that.
Currently Reading:
"The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz
"Break the Binge Eating Cycle" Sylvana Siskov
The last thing I'll add is that I'm learning to enjoy taking ice baths and am trying to pursue difficult things in order to build up my discipline. If you've read all that, thank you and I hope you can offer some insight that maybe I'm missing. Also, if there's another sub I should post this expression, suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Have a great weekend!
submitted by Wan_Haole_Faka to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]
I'm starting my 2nd year as an apprentice plumber after finishing first in my trade school (once I decided to leave said group).
I believe that one of the triggers for addictive/self-destructive behavior is trying to avoid challenging emotions. I struggle with binge eating maybe 50% of evenings and I live with my mother. She has been wonderfully supportive since I decided to make my own decisions in life and doesn't charge me rent, never will and will allow me to stay as long as I want to.
Last year I paid off $7,000 of credit card debt and maxed my new Roth IRA. The year before I paid $6,000 of delinquent capital gains tax. All these debts were due to squandering an inheritance from my grandfather due to me having a good heart, being gullible perhaps and not having any financial literacy until I decided that personal sovereignty was very important to me.
Anyways, living with my mother has allowed me to save a little money, but I'm not happy with the emotional/social dynamic. I don't want to speculate too much, but I think I reject the kind of love my mother wants to give me. She's getting better about seeing me as an adult, but still does things like trying to speak for me to others while in my presence, kind of normal mothering stuff for a little boy, I guess. She's retired and I think sort of has a tendency to live vicariously through others. I don't think it's healthy and so I don't really talk about my life much or communicate much with her at all. I respect her, but we're into different things and frankly, as adults, don't have a lot of common interests, which is fine. Me living with her is putting a fair strain on both of us I think, but she'll never ask me to leave.
We don't eat together for various reasons. Partially it's scheduling, she's more into snacking and I don't like talking while eating. Also, although I don't show it outwardly, I think I get triggered by her questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated and as an adult, I don't owe her any answers.
I think one of my triggers for binge eating is feeling trapped and not in control of my life. I'm wondering if living on my own will help me to "man up" for lack of a better phrase and just make my life work. I've lived alone and with roommates before in many different situations. However I also struggled with binge eating/drinking while living alone in situations where I didn't feel in control, or I didn't like my life circumstances, such as my boss being my landlord, etc. I did learn some independence even though I was in a cult lol. I was told what part of the work to go to, what country to go to, then left and forgotten about. I had to find odd jobs with limited handman/farm skills and couldn't make any commitments. I had to make it work.
I'm hedging my bets that being more independent will help me to overcome my self-destructive habits. Frankly, I've struggled with food addiction before I even got involved in the high-control group. I'm not overweight and am actually very fit, but you know when you have a problem.
I haven't confessed this to anyone in my life, but I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago and have talked about using food to cope. I have a good relationship with some of my family members but I guess I just don't want sympathy. There was a time maybe 12-13 years ago I had a major eczema issue with my skin, lived with my mother and told my sisters I wasn't interested in going to see a Western medical practitioner. Frankly, the crying, begging and emotional strain of having people care about me with good intentions can be a lot to bear. It doesn't always make things better.
I have hobbies, but I don't fully express myself and my interests around my mother and family members. I'm hoping that living on my own (even with roommates), I can focus on increasing my earning potential, work occasional side jobs and focus on my hobbies (singing, Spanish language, martial arts, yoga, etc.) and that this purpose will help me to face uncomfortable emotions and not rely on coping in negative ways.
I'd like to move out of the house and keep reworking my budget, but it's tough. I currently make $21.50/hr. but if I go to another company, I may be taking a pay cut. Although currently, I don't have any benefit package from my job and with a different company, I'd have a package. I currently have about $21,000 in a HYSA that is a combination of an emergency fund and new catruck savings.
I drive a Toyota Solara with 246,000 miles that's been well-cared for. I just put in a new alternator and new tires. Part of my hesitation in leaving my company and current city is that I don't know how much longer this car will last. I don't want to be somewhere I don't know anybody and have to deal with towing a scrap car, potentially missing work at a new company, getting a rental car and finding something reliable with Uber's and whatnot. I don't necessarily NEED a truck but am looking at everything from Tundras to Rangers because it will help me keep options open for weekend side jobs and also to move living situations if I need to.
At my current job, I'm not getting the best training (but it's okay and I can make it work), but I have a company van, they may have given me a little too early (7 months in). So, if my personal car breaks down on a weekend while I have a work van and I'm living with my mother, it's not a huge deal. Problem is, I live in a HCOL area, but I could probably find a roommate and keep my housing/utility costs under $850/mo.
My credit is 694 and I don't want to have a car loan that is less than 91.5% paid off while potentially needing to have a landlord run my credit. 694 should be fine for an apartment, but not if I add a mostly unpaid car loan.
My buddy's mother and her partner have a mother-in-law suite they are trying to rent out in a major city 1 hour away from me. They would charge below market value and there is a good plumbing company in the area I would try to get in with. They are known for having a wonderful paid training program (they actually subcontract out their training). I'd likely take a pay cut but get benefits I'm currently paying for myself (dental, health, retirement). I would probably be someone's helper for 2-6 months before getting my own work vehicle. This is an option.
I guess there's a part of me that feels bad to leave my current company. There is sideways and upward mobility, I have enough say (due to my work ethic and intellect) that I can mostly work with who I want to. They took a chance on me, pay me decently (started me at $20 and now got an additional $1.50 after 10 months) and they make a decent effort to teach me stuff. Problem is they aren't organized with how they bill jobs, among other thing. Some jobs are time and materials, some things are flat rate, some things are a total toss up and some are charity for the church, which takes money out of the employees pockets. At the risk of sounding like I'm slandering them, a good few of the guys are pot heads and even smoke at work. Warnings have been given, but nobody gets fired. If you splash too much water out of a small puddle, I guess you're only left with mud. But I still believe that a company should have standards. Small family company and management doesn't really command respect. We lose money on efficiency and productivity. Guys 6 years in still don't know how to solder and make what I make, some less. One of our lead plumbers makes $.50 an hour more than I do.
So my point is that I could do okay if I stayed in this city with my current job, for now, but I wouldn't be relying on being around people with a growth mindset. I would be relying on my own drive, which is fickle. I'm driven, but I feel like I'm also influenced by my environment. If I stay here, I'd continue seeing my therapist, but if I move to the larger city with arguably the better company, I'd probably find another therapist and would also have access to a couple different men's groups, but nothing like Overeaters Anonymous or Smart Recovery. There are options though for help if I need it, more so in the larger city.
I'll add that my former cult is based out of the larger city with these opportunities. They aren't like a major Church, but are low-key, Christian-influenced Andean Shamanic type people who are followers of someone very charismatic with a few allegations of sexual harassment, although nothing is concrete so far (I think). If I moved there, I may run into the people I left who I was very close to for 9 years. Wouldn't be a big deal I don't think, but I might have to face that.
Budget: $2,900 monthly net income
$693 food (inflated due to not feeling comfortable in my mom's kitchen to cook healthy/cheap)
$541 IRA contributions
$150 catruck savings
$100 gas
$80 clothes/shoe allowance
$80 counseling copayments
$70 health insurance
$70 Verizon bill
$55 car maintenance
$50 supplements
$35 dental insurance
$25 cleaning/maintenance
That leaves me with $951 for rent/utilities, but perhaps more. My food spending should go down substantially if I live alone, but it might not go down if I have to share a kitchen with someone.
I get bonuses at work but don't build my budget around that or anything I make from side jobs.
My mother has decided to pay my car insurance and I won't necessarily complain about that.
Currently Reading:
"The Four Agreements" Don Miguel Ruiz
"Break the Binge Eating Cycle" Sylvana Siskov
The last thing I'll add is that I'm learning to enjoy taking ice baths and am trying to pursue difficult things in order to build up my discipline. If you've read all that, thank you and I hope you can offer some insight that maybe I'm missing. Also, if there's another sub I should post this expression, suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Have a great weekend!