K michelle mother's prayer lyrics

It was meant to be to teach bible stories but actually it would be a few weeks of outings which we children would not have had otherwise, we would go to the swimming baths, on a coach to the seaside (we already lived at the seaside in Cromer but would go on a day trip further down the coast to a different but exactly the same seaside location where we would have icecream and play with beach balls and have buckets and spades) also we would play hide and seek round the church and other games, we had a great time.We would put on a play at the end of the summer school that parents would come to see and there would be things to buy and I think it was the proceeds of that sale of cakes and things that would fund the summer school (i remember buying a ruler for tuppence which my mother said was too expensive). I don't think parents had to pay and it was a way of looking after children while parents either worked or they couldn't pay for these outings and other things for the children.I recall that children who didn't have suitable clothes for going to the park and playing or going to the beach were given donated clothing.
I am trying to recall what else we did, it was a whole organised scheme, which would be something like swimming baths monday, play in park tuesday, beach wednesday, trip to market thursday, organised playing in church hall and gardens friday and a brief prayer and discussion of the day with connected bible stories and colouring in afterwards.When we went to the park, it was not the local quite small park, it was a much bigger park with big slides and other equipment.
Every day we had a small lunch of a paste sandwich, a plastic juice with a straw in it and I especially recall the malt biscuits with cows on.We had to say grace at lunch.
I think we were there for long hours from about 8am to 6pm or longer.

What is compulsory heterosexuality ("comphet")?
Compulsory heterosexuality refers to the pressure and expectation that women center their lives around relationships with men. Not only that they have a heterosexual orientation, but also that they fulfill the "heterosexual role" to be a good wife and mother and subjugate their own desires to serve a man.
All women are affected by these expectations, but they can impact lesbian and bi women in a particular way by making it difficult for them to understand their sexuality. Lesbians may think it's normal to have no interest in men and view dating them as something they have to put up with. Bi women may think they because they can be attracted to men, they are obligated to ignore their (possibly stronger) attraction to women and end up with a man.
This sub is for women who are untangling these expectations in relationship to their sexuality, as well as any discussion of questioning your sexuality or dealing with internalized homophobia and heteronormativity.
About the "Master Doc":
The "lesbian master doc" is a document that began circulating online a few years ago, and since has gone viral. It was written by a 19-year-old woman on Tumblr who was working out her own sexuality at the time. She later came out as bisexual and said that a history of trauma from men had confused her into thinking that she was a lesbian.
The document has been heavily criticized by both bi and lesbian women for portraying common experiences for women involved with men as exclusively lesbian experiences. Most points on the list have multiple possible other explanations, such as a history of trauma, fear of commitment, or wanting to avoid misogyny and sexist gender roles. Some are even exclusively non-lesbian experiences (ex. only liking feminine men, wanting to peg a man).
Some women have said that it helped them to think about questions that hadn't occurred to them otherwise, but it shouldn't be used as a checklist or a test. It's possible to relate to most of the points on the document and still be bisexual or even straight.
Rules:
1) Be civil
Disagreements are allowed, just stay polite and civil.
2) No lesbophobia or biphobia:
This is a space equally for all lesbians, bi women, and questioning women. Lesbophobia and biphobia are not welcome. This includes statements like "lesbians can have male exceptions or enjoy sex with men" or "sexual orientation is fluid for everyone". These statements are both lesbophobic and bi-erasure.
3) No gender debates:
There has been a lot of debate among lesbians about whether the definition of sexual orientation should be based on biological sex/AGAB or on gender identity, and if NB people are included. People with any of these views on their own sexuality are welcome here. This is not the place to have debates about this topic. Please respect other people's views and keep Reddit's content policy in mind.
4) No men:
This sub is for exploring the particular ways that women are affected by comphet. Because the expectations for men and women in heterosexual society are so different, and because a lot of women (and especially wlw) don't feel comfortable talking about sexual topics in a space with men, this is not a space for men.
About HOCD / SO-OCD:
There is a form of OCD known as HOCD (homosexual OCD) or SO-OCD (sexual orientation OCD), where a person has intrusive thoughts that they are in denial about their sexuality. This isn't internalized homophobia or actual denial about their sexuality, but usually a fear of losing their identity or having to break up with their partner.
Please head to /HOCD or /OCD if you are struggling with these sorts of thoughts. They can offer you more guidance on how to deal with them and how to find treatment if you need it. This sub isn't equipped to offer the sort of support that you need, since most commenters are not familiar with HOCD and will not give helpful replies.
If you see a poster who seems to be dealing with this, please report the post, and don't reply saying things like "you sound obviously straight". People with SO-OCD often ask others for reassurance about their sexuality to temporarily lower their anxiety, but this will actually make their OCD worse long-term.

So, just to give a little context. I asked this girl out just after the lockdown and she said NO. Because she felt that I wasn’t a strong Christian. She was right. I was drifting away towards a path of becoming a devout atheist. We had a lot of things in common. But we disagreed on a lot stuff like the LGBTQIA2S+ stuff. My best friend who was a worship leader in my church opened up to me and told me that he was gay. And I was trying to defend him. And she kept Bible bashing and sent me a voice note mentioning that my best friend being gay is a spiritual battle (insinuating that it’s satanic). She also mentioned in the voice note that she wasn’t gonna watch the Netflix documentary that I posted in the chat. So she expects me to watch the videos and read the stuff that she posts, but she’s not gonna keep an open mind and watch the stuff that I recommend? And to give you further context, she wasn’t a believer before. She had sex with multiple men and did a lot of drugs before she became a Christian. And she strongly believes that all her sins are washed cleaned after she was baptized. And has the right to judge others? I’m glad that I didn’t end up with this girl, because I’ve seen how she treats waitresses in restaurants and security guards in buildings. Looking down at them and being rude to them is a huge turnoff for me. And then she goes back to church feeling all pious and pure. I wish her pastors can see how she talks to people outside the church. Fucking hypocrite.

Hello, darlings, from Helena the Clown. I decided to tell you a thing that has happened to me. After that life changing night before Christmas, (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5) I decided to step down for a bit and just rest. Take a break. Sleep in my cozy coffin my Vampire sleep. Be a little lazy. Something normal, for both us the immortals and for mortals alike. Especially after all the ordeal of that night.
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I have to admit, when I had to write it all down, I kind of relieved it. And since it took me more to write it than to live it first hand, I had to return to it over and over, until my mind felt sour. But I needed to tell the story, it felt that I had to.
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The psychedelic rollercoaster of that night was an experiment of the SRI (Romanian secret service) alongside the CIA, as the agent I caught told me. Was the experiment successful for them? I do not know. Both me and Sophie, the lovely Elf I met that night, who was a collateral victim of it, waited to see any signs from those bastards. Especially since their weapons were able to give a huge power to demons over us. Nothing clear was seen, on the outside, but our souls were heavy on residue, like some thick goo on them, that needed time to wash away. Yet, signs of slow healing are visible, albeit slow.
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On the other hand, from time to time, I felt some mental ”breeze”. It felt like one of those attacks I experienced, the beginning of it, but dissipating fast. Some went harder than the rest. I talked to Sophie, it seems she had experienced those as well. The Buzz itself did not seem to get the proportions of that night so we can not tell if there are still some agents on us, or just some demons playing around, or our scars, or a combination of those. My ”gut feeling”, something I do not (mostly) rely upon, told me that, most likely, it was not a Human work. At least, not by agents or special drones, like that night.
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Christmas was peaceful, my first Christmas I celebrated as a Christian since I became a Vampire. My confessor, father George Baka, the exorcist, managed to give me Holy Communion, after hiding me close to the church, in order not to inflict panic on my presence there for his Human parishioners. My dear friend Ruxandra drove me in and out of the village in Ialomița county. As I was back in Bucharest and Ruxandra spent some time with her boyfriend, I met Sophie at night at the Circus Park a few days after, where it all ended, after finding a way to get Vampire magic and Elven magic to work together.
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Her parents were dead scared, they wanted to convince Sophie to leave Romania for the UK, in order to stay safe. It seems her mother was mostly afraid of the SRI, the descendent of the former communist political police, the Securitate, most of all. Sophie did not want to, since whatever happened in Romania could happen in the UK, hence the involvement of the CIA made it an international matter. And, besides, Sophie felt safer in here, where I resided and where so many Caterpillar Elves like her were, Elves she wanted to awake. She dressed up the whole time as a Christmas Elf (Yeah, some may say it was silly, but she enjoyed it.), even spoke to kids on Elves. Cannot blame her. She can have enough time in her immortal life to be a Full, ”serious” Elf.
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Indeed, something happened. If it didn„t, I would not be writing this now. Father George decided to perform Holy Liturgy on the night of January the first, which is the secular New Year, like he used to do in the years before, especially since January the first this year was on sunday. Most people would stay up, party and skip church that morning. So, he did it at night, so that at least some will come, then start to party a little. Most will not come.
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Ruxandra drove there, outside Bucharest, as usual. Since my presence would cause havoc, I was supposed to stay close by, not inside the church, with the people who will attend. Ruxandra asked me to help tune up her laptop, on which a fresh Linux installation was made. Since I knew Linux better than her, who is a lifelong Windows user, and her boyfriend was a Macbook type of guy, I decided to make myself useful a bit, before Holy Liturgy. Adrian came with us, still a bit uneasy about my presence in the car. We came out pretty early. I had the idea of going into the graveyard, where we used to spend time myself, Ruxandra and father George, in late summer and early autumn. Since both me and Ruxandra were supposed to take Holy Communion later that night, we needed to stop eating after midnight. After greeting father George, I decided to get to the graveyard, where there is a temporary plastic kiosk, somewhere near the corner of the graveyard. It was a pretty clean, countryside graveyard, nothing great or fancy.
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I was dressed in one of my black belle epoque dresses, with a matching hat, this time. For a Vampire like me, winter cold is far better tolerated than for mortals, but even ourselves have our own limits. Ruxandra came with her laptop, Adrian followed her. People were gathering at church, as Father George performed a Lity. Ruxandra wanted to stay with me but, as she was visibly disturbed by the cold, I told her to get inside. In fact, if it weren't for my friends and Father George, I would have stayed at home in Bucharest, alone, as I do not care too much for the secular New Year. In order to get things going, Ruxandra came with Adrian„s Macbook and we managed to set up a small network, using her phone as well, in order we would be able to get online. She stayed with me a bit, then went to the church for Lity, and let me mind my own doing.
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Yep, it was cold, even I found gloves useful. I spent decades in my grave, hibernating, but that was a special state, pretty different from the one when I am awake and active. I am pretty cold and harsh, but not that much not to feel the cold at all. I started installing and configuring some software from repositories into Ruxandra„s laptop. As night passed, kids around the village started to blow firecrackers and small fireworks on a large scale, it felt like war. I liked it, I admit it, the war flavor of it. I felt like going to them and playing along, but I could not, of course. They have not entered the graveyard, fortunately, although some firecrackers fell inside it. Poor dogs started to bark and howl of that noise.
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Meanwhile, I managed to install Tor Browser, to get on the Dark Web. You know, you can meet some real Vampires there, if you know where to look. At first, when I discovered it, in the months after waking up from my decades of hibernation, in July 2021, alongside things like creepypasta, the world felt far more interesting on the dark side then today. As you may imagine, it was hard to distinguish at first creepypasta from real things, I am sure sometimes it is harder even for someone who was born and lived in this age to do it. Fortunately, I grew more experienced on this pretty fast. No one I could talk to from those hidden online communities was logged in, as it seemed, so I decided to start digging up some things regarding the effects on infrasounds.
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Midnight came. I did not feel excited or anything, neither too sad. Perhaps just a little sad. Humans were having fun in the streets, explosions and stuff. Since the Holy Liturgy started, I stopped working on the laptop itself, and tried to listen to psaltical chants on Youtube. I admit I got bored fast, and went to my regular music. Earphones on maximum level, as I usually like to listen (I know, it is bad to do it for long.). I started to feel a little drowsy and sleepy. Probably something was at work at this point, as it was not normal for me (or my kind) to feel sleepy at night. At some point, I placed my head on the table and listened to the music with my eyes closed. My head was inside the hotspot, inside the wifi medium, but I did not realize it. I let myself drift into sleep, thinking that Ruxandra would wake me up.
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I do not know how, Youtube seems moody at times regarding the autoplay, on being turned on and off. I usually keep it off. As I was signed in with my Google account, it seems it started to play things as I was sleeping, random stuff. I went on for about an hour and a half.
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Eventually, I woke up. Some kind of ASMR or white noise clip was playing, a grey screen, looking a bit like static on an old black and white TV. The sound sounded a bit like that as well, but not exactly. I said something like ”ASMR Relaxing static for deep sleep”. I turned it off, as I was shaking sleepiness off from my mind. The outside was pretty silent, just some crackers from time to time. It was a feeling of things being a bit off. I do not know how to put it, the flavor of reality was off. A feeling that was a little familiar, since that night not too long ago. I was not too concerned, still, since it was not too strong, we have not noticed anything coming here. Indeed, a was a little troubled by this, but not as much as a mortal would have been, being alone, at night, in a graveyard. For me, it was a place and a time that I was in tune with. Perhaps, If I were Human, I would have had a better attitude in that situation. I started to say the Jesus Prayer a bit, and started to walk towards the church. As I was getting closer and felt better, I started to let my guard down and let my thoughts go loose.
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I do not know what is the clear border between a thought and an attitude. I am not a psychologist, just my own rambling here. I think some thoughts work at the edge between the conscious and the unconscious, since they manifest in attitudes, even if the conscious does not want to admit them. Those are not just some deep unconscious processes, they are closer to the surface, so to say. Indeed, before Adam and Eve fell, they had no unconscious part of their souls, after the fall they lost sight of a large part of themselves. Only those very spiritually advanced can truly become fully aware of themselves, and turn the whole unconscious into conscious. Of course, I am not one of them.
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Looking back at those moments, some things are blurry. I was not asleep, for sure, yet it felt a bit like a sleep-like state, the bizarreness of all. It seems some thoughts were moving from conscious to this semiconscious part, back and forth, not all at the same time. I was walking stiffer than I usually do (And I do walk pretty stiff usually.). There was something, I do not remember exactly how much I was aware of, I felt I needed to get closer to the church and away from the kiosk in the graveyard. I started to feel a bit, only a bit, like at the moments during that night, when I felt alone in the whole world. Not strong enough to have a strong attitude, it would have been better if the feeling was stronger.
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I got close to the church, lights were on, but it was silent, like empty. Familiar feeling, but not too intense. I looked back at the graves, something felt new. Unreal in a new way. All this was still faint, for now. I heard some noises on the other side of the graveyard. Then I had a thought that some kids may enter the graveyard and steal the laptops and rest. Something from my mind was saying to stop, not to go into the weird, unreal darkness from there. But I brushed it out, being too faint, unfortunately for me. I went back towards that place.
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As I would later find out, at this point, the Holy Liturgy was over, just a small snack for the people inside, Ruxandra was getting ready to come to me, outside, she just waited for the people to leave the church. She heard something outside, and felt my presence faintly. She decided to come out, to see if I had come too early. By the time she was out, I was already on my way back to the kiosk, she saw me from a distance. The sky was unusually dark on one side, and a feeling of a new unease was in the air. She started to go slowly towards the kiosk as well.
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I walked into the viscous air. Viscous, again. But I was like under anesthesia or on some drugs. Maybe my state was akin to sleepwalking? I was not sleepwalking, for sure, but it felt only a bit like it, if it makes sense. What came next, in the next minute (or minutes) happened on that semiconscious level. I was forcing myself to get into the viscous thing, I would not call it air. Things were like getting blacker, but not physically. I felt worse and worse as I was getting closer to the kiosk. But as I felt worse, a part of my mind fought to keep it semiconscious, not to become aware. Was something taking over me, at least a bit? I do not know. It was like I was heading to my doom, but I was so afraid to admit to myself, so I struggled to ignore that I was doing just that.
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The kiosk was in sight. Silence around me, a silence that seemed to stretch for miles. Or more. I was getting close to the kiosk, the alley went from the kiosk, and it crossed another alley near it, the kiosk was towards my left-front. Things got really black and, without knowing it, the blackness turned into something visible.
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I do not know how long it all took. One second, maybe a few? The alley was blocked by something that looked like some kind of black curtain, blocking the normal reality. It was a physical blackness, for sure, but it contained more than that. It had vertical folds in it, like a physical curtain. I could not say how large it was, sideways and up, it covered the full front of my eyes, I did not have the time to check my peripheral vision, and up it covered much of the clear sky. I knew it was something that came from hell, no doubt about it. I knew I had no chance of running away, as it was too close, too big and too powerful. I was at its mercy. My heart soon became overwhelmed, my mind was soon to follow. On my last moment of consciousness, I let myself to the Lord, as nothing else could be done, realistically speaking. I fused this in an iconic gesture of prosternation, semiconsciously. I let myself fall to my knees and stop my head from hitting the ground with my palms.
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At this time, Ruxandra noticed a black mist starting to gather like a small tower of mist. It was not thick, at least it appeared to her like this. As seconds passed, the mist grew thicker, while she noticed me stopping in my tracks, distantly, then the stars were not visible anymore and something she could not describe took over the sky. An emptiness. Yet, it seems all of it was less intense than for me, not just because of the distance, but some other reason. Perhaps her Human nature, or the fact that she was exposed to the things I have exposed to in the kiosk? Fear inside her started to escalate to panic.
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As I went on knees, I layed completely down, face down. The last thing I saw was that the lower edge of the curtain arose in a fold, on the ground and was sent towards me, covering me. I started screaming inside of my mind the Jesus Prayer, as Ruxandra lost it at this point and just screamed.
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That thing, whatever it was, started to take me in gradually, but in a matter of a second, the most, if it makes sense. It felt like being taken up from the ground, at the mercy of that. I kept saying the Jesus prayer, trying to hold on, albeit it was harder and harder. I was inside a bubble of demonic power, this meant no way I would be able not to lose it on my own. Kept saying the Jesus Prayer, as things were speeding up. Something in the back of my mind kept saying: ”Hold on just a little… Just a little…” So I did, I held onto the prayer. Then I do not remember. I think it was like slipping into sleep.
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Ruxandra was close to being broken, as she fell to her knees too. As I realized later on, after I talked to her, the first impulse was to run. But I was there, with that thing, and she refused to leave me there alone. Even if this was something she never experienced before, something of this magnitude. I can tell you, for a Human Ruxandra is pretty resilient to darkness. Many Humans, even grown men, just fail when they meet me. Just me, nothing stronger or darker. I never heard her scream of fear ever. Strong stock. So you can imagine at this point, at least loosely, how bad this was. But my friend stayed for me. Even if this could have been her doom. Even if all her instincts told her that was doom. Fortunately, she remembered not to look into the mist, after a few seconds, and that she needed to start the Jesus Prayer.
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In a few seconds, after letting the forehead to the ground and closing the eyes, she was into it as well. Starting to feel lifted, as things were going faster and faster. At some point, Ruxandra„s mind went blank as well.
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Fortunately, her screams were heard by father George and the rest who were still inside the church. He exited in a hurry, and people followed. They saw something tall and dark, that seemed to look a bit like a tornado, twisted in the middle. Father George started the exorcism formulas of Saint Basil the Great. Several people started to scream and ran away inside the church, some on the gate, into the street, as father George came bravely upon that, not looking at it. Adrian heard his voice going stronger and stronger as she went closer.
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As he came close to touching the blackness, it started to retreat. He persisted into going further, cursing the powers of hell, and the thing started to back out (Technically to back up). The darkness went up and fading, seeing me and Ruxandra on the ground, holding each other, our eyes being closed and whispering the Jesus Prayer faintly. He did not stop until the night was clear.
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He came close to us, gently touching our heads. Ruxandra gave a sigh and became silent. I opened my eyes and came to my senses. In a few seconds, my dear friend was awake as well. The night was back to its sweetness, the old graveyard as well, the place where I felt so cozy, like being caressed by a gentle ghost.
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We looked at father George, as things started to come back to me. Ruxandra held on to me, as she started to realize as well that it was over. We were protected, as our minds blacked out. We did not remember how we ended up hugged. I whispered to her: ”Praise The Lord. It is gone…” Then, after a few seconds of silence: ”Are you ok? Let's get up.” Father George gave us his strong smile: ”If you ok, let's hurry. We shall not let Christ wait for us. I think the best way now is to go to the side of the church (the south of the church), to calm down people who are still inside, as well as those who fled.”
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I got up, helped Ruxandra get up, got my clothes cleaned a bit, and waited for father George to call people back to the church. On a moment when the way was clear, we proceeded into the side and got to the altar side door.
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As father George tried to bring people back, me and Ruxandra looked at each other. She was still shaken when I asked: ”Are you ok, sis?” She gave a calm sigh: ”It seems so… I am surprisingly well, after all it just was…” ”I feel you on this… I am surprisingly unaffected. I am not well but, if I remember what just happened, I was supposed to be a mess.” ”Yeah, indeed…” ”We were protected, I think. No way could we have made it on our own and be so unscathed. We need to thank The Lord.” I gave her another hug. We waited then in silence for things to calm down, it took about 15 minutes.
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Father George came out of the side door to give us Holy Communion, the Body and Blood of our Lord. Ruxandra wanted to wait for me, instead of having Communion alongside the people in the church. After this moment, it felt like the last claw of that thing was gone, but it's leftovers remained, like scattered around. Yet, when Christ Himself comes to you, all those seem less than meek.
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After getting inside, father George tried to get the people to stay and finish eating, but many of them left early, and this made the rest go with them pretty fast. While this happened, we talked a little. Ruxandra started: ”Those Cones, this was one of those, isn't it?” ”Probably I can say that it was. It felt somewhat like them, but not exactly.” She started telling me how it felt for her, then I told her how it was for me. She went on: ”I want to look into what you were listening to on those earphones, while you were sleeping. YouTube history.” ”Do you want to go back to all that? Being Human, you are more feeble than me.” ”There is something going on. I want to get to the bottom of it.”
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Father George interrupted us: ”You just received The Lord and you are talking about His enemies? Come on, chill down and get inside.” White we ate, he did not allow us to speak too much of it. Then, he suggested we take a rest a bit, and sleep where he prepared for us. Then Adrian and father George collected all the devices from the kiosk and they were all shut down.
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The next day, after we were all home, Sophie and her family came to father George, to get the Exorcism formulas performed on them, since Sophie was the subject of the work of hell that night. According to the old custom, the Exorcism Formulas of Saint Basil are performed not just in case of necessity, but also during the day of his feast, January the first. Unfortunately, most priests do not perform this ritual on this day anymore.
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I met Odette, the mother of Sophie. We managed to get an interesting talk. But that is a story of in it„s own right. What I can tell you yet about her is that she was too a Caterpillar Elf.
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Adrian, on his own, checked the YouTube history of the device, there were some weird things in there. Some of the clips appeared to be deleted, the last one was not. It became clear that they were taken down one by one. He woke up later the day before Ruxandra did, in a sleep paralysis experience.
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I checked my Youtube account history as well. I dared not to listen to those still there. In case any of you shall ask for the link to those on DM, as I am sure many would want to, I will not share it, as I do not want to be responsible for what would happen.
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There are, still, some things I would share with you, perhaps I shall do it, if I shall have the energy. There were some rough months for me. There are many things that can get you down in this world, not all are supernatural, many are just mundane crap that could bring down even a strong Vampire or Elf. But I shall try my best.
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Take care of you and your loved ones. See you soon.
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I blow you a kiss (not a bite),
​
Helena

So. like, one time the ex suggested a place for me to work. Like, you know. A company that only just hires … anyway, i guess that was around the time he paid for and ran a background check on me.
#trust
It said i wanted on suspension of murder. That’s all. That’s it. You know, that’s what would pop on my background check. But, there’s no hold for pickup or anything. Just like, suspect in murder. From like, idk, three-ish decades ago. Like, found that out via a background check that he ran on me
After we done been living together for years. I mean, lol. Idk, wanted to know who i was but didn’t want to ask me. No one else would tell him, so, only just bits and pieces is what all he knew.
Plus, you know. The standard warnings that both my mother and my sister will give to potential suitors of mine once they meet them. Like, once it looks likes he’s sticking around, better warn him about her. Omg, can you even imagine.
Like, dating someone and then both their mom and sister come at you to warn you about her. They say i’m manipulative and that i’ll make you do things you didn’t know you wanted to do until after you’ve already done them. Like, with the ex.
I totally did manipulate him into starting a business and then buying a house. Yep. i did do that.
In 2020 it went away and i was able to pass a deep employment background. So, there’s different levels of background checks that a company will and can do. I couldn’t pass one of those deep kinds, only just the convictions kind. Like, the one that lists convictions is what most companies do and i don’t have no felonies or any convictions or arrests involving theft or fraud or nothing like that.
So, nothing on my background check would really preclude me from employment from most places. I mean, you know, it ain’t that bad. But, it ain’t great. And, there’s a lot of oddities that would make it appear like i’m some kind of criminal.
A wants search. You know. But, it’s just wanted for but there’s no pickup directions. Flagged by a sheriff’s dept that i was wanted for questioning in these crimes, but no arrest warrant or anything like that.
Wanted in connection to and then some bullshit like: MURDER. And, then, like, nothing. No further instructions like what usually goes along with that. Like, if seen call: this fucking number. You know. Just nothing, but some kinda bullshit attached to my name if you did a certain kind of background check.
And, then, you know, arrested for things and then the charges being dropped. But, you still have to get booked. That sort of stuff. Which makes HR flag me as not eligible for hire at large corporations. For the most part.
Oh, that. Criminal record. Yeah, it’s not that bad. But, it looks bad. I think one of those, like, when they got my dna. Like, i got arrested for kiting a check. Like, to the daycare. I paid each week and she held those checks and didn’t cash them. Then there was a .. idk, an incident at home and that guy was in the hospital
And, i was stuck over there and just checked my balance at the atm and thought i had money, idk, didn’t balance my checkbook. Anyway, it was at that time that the daycare put those checks through. And, one went thru and two of them bounced.
Yeah, cause i spent the money while i was at the hospital. Yeah. idk. I guess i figured it was that money, but what happened was when i took out all the money i at the atm that was NOT that money, like, you know. I knew they’d be a fee, but i didn’t expect it to be, idk, i want to say it was $15.
Ten to the atm company and five to my bank, so, it told me ten, but i didn’t expect the five. So, when i did the math i didn’t account for that extra fee that my bank put on so it caused that check to bounce. Idk, she cashed the most recent one first, on like wednesday at her bank,
Cause i went through my account and tried to figure out how it happened. Cause i didn’t do that on purpose or like, meaning to. And, i was like, wtf. Where’d that other five dollars go. I added that up.
But, anyway, the bank bounced the other two. But, one of those would have covered but they charged the fees on both checks two times, which actually by bank math left some money in the bank. Which i then made a conscience decision to take out the rest of the money at an atm which, i mean, is that not usury.
That’s what i called atms for a long time after, usury machines.
At the fucking hospital. I had to pay for parking, and that was like $10 every time you came and went. So, it wasn’t affordable to leave and i had a limited budget. And, dumb fuck was in icu. Idk, like it’s my job to fucking stay there. But, i did.
Cause the social pressure of that. And, also i was broke. So, you know. I had to budget and the hospital was more than 45 minutes away, and that was if i missed all the high traffic times and took back roads. It wasn’t even close in.
You know. So, like, still gotta eat for those three days and the only thing that’s readily available is vending machines or cafeteria food. Which is all expensive as fuck, and ain’t nobody willingly at the fucking hospital.
Oh, i take that back. There are those that quite willingly check themselves into hospitals.
Anyway, i like to treat myself at minor inconveniences. It just makes me feel better. If i find myself in a situation in which i become inconvenience, well, i just treat myself. Why, yes. You do deserve ice cream after any minor inconvenience that doesn’t set you the fuck off.
I reward myself for good behavior. With ice cream or candy. Or, whatever. Banking apps didn’t exist in those days. So, you know …
And, then, like right after that happen, i got fired from my job. It was all kinds of craziness at once. Then, she pressed charges. It all happened pretty quick. Really. I mean, like, we only been back from the hospital not even a day when that cop showed up with a warrant.
Over those checks and it had only just happened. Like, happened two days earlier while i was still over at the hospital. When they bounced. The day we got home or the day after is when that cop showed up.
Told me to just show up at the sheriff's dept between the hours of whatever and whenever to get my picture taken. Do the prints and all of that. “All of that” that’s what he said, and i was like, ok.
And, i got down down there and they took my dna to run through nsa. Told me it was policy and law now. That if i get arrested for bouncing a check you run my dna through the nsa. Well, that don’t sound right.
And, i was just like, you fuckers tricked me. I would have never just shown up for this.
Took a cheek swab for my dna. Over a bounced check. I was losing my damn mind the whole damn time. Like, wtf. No. what. This can’t be legal. If you try to use this in court for something, i’m disputing how you got it.
Just saying. To the guy. You know. The booking officer. Cause you know, wtf.
It’s my 1st amendment right to shit talk. I accused him of being the government. All kinds of crazy shit. I just said all kinds of craziness while i was there. But, i was laughing and it was all just jokes, but i was mad as hell over them taking my dna.
Idk, 2004ish. 03 maybe. I guess. Somewhere in there. It’s that really good mugshot of me. I looked great. It’s like the best picture i’ve ever taken, i told that guy, hey, if this don’t work they could really use you at the dmv.
I mean, the pictures they take down there. Jesus fucking christ. Why.
So, i know there’s no dna evidence tying me to any damn murder of you’d have arrested me then. Also, i’m not even quite sure what you’re talking about. I told you it wasn’t me.
Told you so. First of all, i don’t have the details of what even you’re talking about and, also, additionally, as well. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
There’s been other people who’s run background checks and couldn’t resist telling me what they found out. I mean, you can imagine. So, ugh. Heather. Yeah. so, yeah, ran a background check on you and it says you’re wanted for murder. And, i’d be like there’s like 12 fucking people in this town, if i was so wanted they’d come and fucking get me.
Idk, it just says that. Idk why. Probably some other psycho girl named heather. There’s probably a lot of us. You know. All the heathers are crazy. It was a really popular name for one fucking year, so most of us are the same age.
But, that .. you know, those background check issues, idk, it made it hard for me to get jobs at certain companies and certain kinds of jobs. Kept me underemployed, not able to get better employment due to that.
So, it wasn’t just that i had a terrible reputation amongst the pillars of the community, but also, you know. My background check comes back patchy. And, like, none of those charges are fucking real. Like, just bullshit.
It’s all literally just bullshit. Personal vendettas from opposing counsel. That’s one of them. Ok. didn’t know you could catch charges for that, but o fucking k
I didn’t even know or remember or care who the fuck she was. Like, when she told me, you know. Who she was. And, then she was kinda pissy that i didn’t remember her. Anyway, like, it’s not something people are normally charged with. That way.
I did the booking for that one at the 911 office. They didn’t do anything, just handed me a yellow slip of when i was to show up for court. Didn’t get my picture taken. Nope. Not for that. I just went to the window and they handed me a yellow court slip.
That was it, no picture or nothing. Which is a shame cause i just got my hair done. I talked to that woman at the window a little bit, it wasn’t busy when i went down there and i knew her.
She handed it to me and said what even is this bullshit. They all read it, it wasn’t in an envelope or nothing. You know. It’s a small fucking town. Those old hens, they all read and passed it around and talked about where they knew me from.
That’s just how it is in a small town. But, i don’t think they took my picture. Cause, like, i got dressed the fuck up for it. Practiced my smirk.
Did my hair, makeup. All of it. She just handed it to me, and i was like, you ain’t gonna take my picture. I dressed up for this. She took a selfie with me on her phone over the pay counter.
Idk, i don’t even think that’s real. Stupid shit. You know. It’s always nothing but stupid shit
But, it’s always a big fucking hassle for me. Like, gotta take time out of my day for your fucking bullshit. Oh, cause you’re fucking offended. I don’t care. Omg. such a fucking cunt.
I think we probably just about fill up all the private prisons with people like you that need to be fucking arrested. Like no fucking joke corrupt. And, you know. It’s always just for bullshit hurt your fucking feelings reasons.
So very fucking petty. You’re just so fucking petty.
She said they had one on file. And, i was like, oh. Alrighty then. That’s totally how this all supposed to work, but i’m just going to fucking go with it. You know. See where this road goes.
During the time hueser was in prison. He mitigates a lot of that shit, you know, by pointing out how they’re going to get caught, then they don’t do it. But, without him around to point out how stupid they were being they got real fucking stupid.
It wasn’t like i could do anything about it, you know. Just endure. I mean, you know. That’s just what it’s like when “they” don’t like you. Purely personal reasons and also it’s not in their financial best interest to do so.
So, there’s always that. You know. How you’ve legally bound yourself to me.
That’s dumb, you know. To do that. Use the courts to commit the fraud, cause you know, that creates records. It’s like you’re just creating more and more and more records of your own wrongdoings. And, like, you - you work there, i know you know better.
You can’t claim ignorance of the law. I mean ….
People are so stupid. Up to an including me. Another big reason i needed to go was, you know, all those dead bodies keep coming up in town. It’s ok. They’re totally solved. I guess. Idk, i didn’t know none of those people.
Never met any of them or if i did, idk, my memory, as you know, not so good. Idk. idk if i know any of those people, but one of those people used to hang out with snitch ass and ponzi scheme.
And, i don’t know anything about any of that. Like, i found it best, most especially since i ain’t being paid, you know. If crime pays, then, you know, where’s my fucking check.
But, no. i just don’t get involved or you know, if people start talking about stuff i don’t want to hear about i just do my little snit thing and walk away. You know. When i pst-pst-pst at people like they’re cats when they talk about things i don’t wish to discuss with them
Or, to disengage myself from a .. dumb shit. I just pst-pst-pst and jazz hands, then walk away. It’s a good way to put a stop to that bullshit.
But, sometimes i just nod yes and tell myself what i will be doing instead of the thing they’re trying to tell me to do. You know. Like, idk. People who mean well but give bad advice, i just nod in agreement and then do whatever the fuck i want to do.
Man, i should read that and maybe not post that … ick. Idgaf
So, like, dude did you just say it proves how “smart” you are that you were so success at defrauding a child. A literal fucking child. Like, a 2nd grader.
Wow. you did it. You outsmarted a 2nd grader. Gold star for you. Congratulations. It seems to have paid off for you quite well.
Oh, are people going on about my duis. I don’t have any. Yeah, i have driven drunk, every drunk has. I mean, you know. Idk, i’ve never had an accident or gotten pulled over while being intoxicated.
Idk, maybe i’ve never drank and drove. There’s no evidence of that happening.
Eyewitness reports of such. Well, ok. Yeah. so. What do you want me to say. Sorry, i quit drinking. Or, you know. Just do it at home or when i have someone else to drive. Drinking and driving is bad.
How many duis you got.
So, anyway, lots of things to be done. I have a four year plan, then i’m going to retire to something else. At that point i’ll be able to buy a small farm and you know. Then, after that … idk.
Then my time will be my own. When i do it, it’ll be fucking quick and you ain’t going to have a chance to get cameras up before i do. I have a plan. Certain restaurants which i’m not going to name, they don’t seem to want to let you use them for meal prep either.
Fast food chicken fingers. Omg. reheated, fucking great. And, cost wise around about the same as those tyson ones. You know. Like, like at the grocery store vrs a large from a fast food place, about the same. And, the fast food ones are just ever so slightly better.
Then, if you get the really big meal, you can eat part of it now and then put the rest in a toaster oven or air fryer. Follow me for more cost friendly diet tips. Lol
It’s cheaper than going to the grocery store and it’s already made. So, you know. Like, i can’t help that it’s cheaper, but fast food is also at an all time high, cost wise.
I’m cheap as fuck, everyone knows. I brag about how frugal i am. Like, the deals, you know. I love saying i just paid $3 for that. It’s my favorite thing.
I mean, jesus, everything costs so much right now. Like, so fucking expensive. But, what was strangely cheap was consumer goods and electronics. Crazy fucking online sales, and if a brick and mortar is having a clearance sale and it’s online, they are over fucking loaded with mechandise.
Dumb shit you can just buy, air fryers and such, so. Yeah, i’m totally just buying an air fryer. Finally convinced that i need it. I have a plan for .. meal prep.
Idk, i’ll have to see how you can use it.
A couple of years ago when the instapot craze hit, i didn’t get one. I mean, that’s just a pressure cooker, first of all, and i got plenty of problems already without getting on the makes meth watchlist. You know.
I don’t make meth. That’s a joke. I took some adderall that, wtf even. Who gives a shit. Please read the proceeding pages for an explanation of events.
The value of things is all topsy tervy. When my kids were little i could get two large chicken finger meals and feed all four of us. It’s a cheaper option and i like to feel like chicken fingers are healthier than fast food burgers. So.
Please don’t spoil my delusion about that. Like, either of those is good. I know that’s not a good way to eat, but god damn it’s cheap and convenient. However, my cooking is better.
I think what i’m going to do, is idk, buy an air fryer. It’s literally cheaper than two combos from a fast food place. Then, i have a plan for meal prep that involves me doing zero dishes. I’m going to try it out.
Well, i guess a little more than zero. I still have to wash knives and silverware. But, i’m not willing to give those up. In my quest to never do dishes again.
It was a childhood dream of mine, you know, to never have to do dishes again.
Laundry, too. Hate that shit. I’ve got everything down to just one load that i wash all together without separating a damn thing. I just throw all of it in all together, be damned how it turns out.
Ahh, well, if i can’t wash it guess it ain’t meant for me. My period claimed another pair of pants today. A good pair that i really liked. Sad, sad, very sad times.

So I was listening to some music on my liked list on my Spotify and I was looking at a picture of maharaji on my phone, I asked a question in fear "is there really going to be lots of love after my death?" And as I said that in my mind the song beautiful boy by John Lennon started playing; which wasn't a song on my liked list of songs and the next song on the liked list should always play next, so this song that played next shouldn't have played at all but it did. After realising that the song beautiful boy shouldn't have played the next thought was this must be maharaji chosing this song to answer my question. The lyrics that came up were "close your eyes, have no fear, the monsters gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here, beautiful beautiful beautiful, beautiful boy" then what it also said that was profound was "before you go to sleep, say a little prayer, everyday in every way is getting better and better" at that moment my heart opened super wide and I saw maharajis smile in the picture widen. I felt that reassurance that yes there will be love after I die. And also I always say to maharaji will you be my dad since my biological dad isn't very loving towards me and it was great that maharaji said through the song "your daddy's here" it made my day. Thanks for reading :)

I'm getting married to the man I loved for years. Our marriage is a miracle. There was no chance of us getting married but our prayers come true. I've struggled a lot after my father passed away. My life has been really tough since then Shadi ki tyari krna is mehngai mei is also a pain. My in laws are good they have asked my mother not to give dowry. I just want you all to pray for me remember me in prayers. Pray for my mother and life after marriage.

(Long but good) (I tried to remember best I could) (Excuse my grammar)
So about a year ago I had torn my acl and both maniscus skating which put me through surgery and pt. My friend had randomly shown up to my house tripping off these shrooms that he got from our dealer and told me I had to try them. We spent the night at my house because he had gotten kicked out of his house so he had eaten all his shrooms so he didn’t get caught so he was tripping pretty hard. It wasn’t till the next day that we went to the plug(treacherous journey walking.) Got to the plug, got them shroomies and started back to my house. I was a little hesitant to take the shrooms because I had pt that day in like 4-5 hours.
We rode the bus back to my house and my friend kept saying “take them now” and how he wanted to see me trip before he dipped. About two hours after getting back to my house the anticipation was killing me so I broke and took all of them. I was in 11th grade at the time and I was fairly experienced with acid and some dissociative so I wasn’t afraid to take them, but I had never taken shrooms before. About 45 minutes and I was already deep, but I was enjoying myself with the company of my friend, the walls were moving and the ceiling was fusing and whatnot which wasn’t unusual but I had a rise of anxiety as I realize that I had gotten caught in the moment and forgot I had pt in about 2 hours. My friends parents showed up to my house unexpectedly and took him back to his house but I was a little to high to process what had happened. Then all of a sudden I was all alone.
Tripping alone isn’t really recommended since I was still going up but I was chillin. It kinda takes a lot to get me overwhelmed so I thought I would be chillin for pt. All of a sudden my friend E shows up next to me. I actually have no idea how he got there or even got in. I jumped to him shaking me, calling my name. I was just so enveloped in the trip that I couldn’t process anything. Everything was flowing harder and my emotions were getting stronger. Apparently I had texted E to come over to which I told him I was tripping and didn’t even realize. Then my mom calls down the stairs “ N start getting ready for pt.” To which E looks at me. He says “N what the fuck” and I reply “hehe.” E I think realized how high I was so he decided to come with me, and thank god he did. I got ready barley able to think or even move, the clothes felt like little aliens swallowing my legs. The feeling of walking up the stair was strange since I had been immobile for the last two hours.
Me and E hopped into the car with my mom which wasn’t to bad until we got on the highway. Felt like I was hyper speeding through different spaces. Everything felt so fast and complicated that I just spaced until we got there. My mom had questioned once through the ride if I was on any drugs to which I said no. She believed me which was baffling considering how fucked I was. We what felt like warping got to pt and headed into the place. Everyone’s faces were twisting and playing different emotions all at the same time to the point of recognition was broken. I remember vividly when we got to the waiting room the walls and whatnot were covered in a colored carpet which just sent me. EVERYTHING was just patterns of color and distorment. They called my name to which I waltzed over to the little gym with E behind me. This was the first time I was meeting with this specific physical therapist so I had no idea who he was or even what he was. I sat on the table and that’s when it hit me how high I was.
The white floor felt like the reflection of the gates of heaven were welcoming me. Everything was so bright and twisted and honestly I don’t know how I didn’t freak out. That’s when the pt guy started to ask me questions. When I say I didn’t understand anything he said I mean it sounded like he was mixing up the words in his sentences. “Doing how you today?” I replied “um ok.” He looked at me confused. “HOW YOU ARE DOING TODAY.” I looked at E and just started laughing,
I replied “wonderful.” ( convo) pt-“Coming what for in”
me-“ hmm I’m not quite sure. Wait I think I hurt my knee recently but I’m not sure” (this was 3 months after my surgery🫠)
pt-“ok? Do you tell mind what happen?”
Me-“I think I was snowboarding which I was fine doing but my knee hurts after I skate board”
pt- “um ok. Do mind you test if bend.”
Me- “o—k”. At this point I was past the point of anxiety and into fear but I didn’t show it somehow. I flipped onto my stomach to which he started bending my knee and doing various tests which was normal. Closing my eyes was the weirdest feeling as I felt as if I was falling into a colorful void in my head. I was lost.
Pt-“does this hurt” me-“ heheI dont knowww”
pt-“ok”.
I couldn’t feel pain at all, the only thing I felt was bliss and fear throughout my body at the same time. It was the weirdest feeling ever but I maintained my composure to the best of my ability.
Pt- bike ride going to over head
Me- ok
Looking back on it now I feel so bad that I put E through this. He must have been embarrassed and content. It must have been funny and excruciating watching me trying to not slip up.
I hopped onto the bike and I won’t go into the details of the workout because I didn’t really interact much with anyone but within that period of time, for me it felt like each machine was a different place. I felt I had moved rooms every time I moved machines even though they were all in the same room. After I got through the workouts I had to end it off with a stretch exercise which the pt guy took me over away from E and asked me “ are you taking any narcotics or pain killers?” To which I laughed and dismissed the question but inside I was scared out of my mind. But thankfully he believed me.
He walked me back over to E to which he gave me a workout sheet to take home and said thank you for your time. I was suprised he hadn’t caught on, to which me and E said our thanks and head out. Mother was waiting in the lobby and asked me how’d it go. I just laughed and said can we please go. I was thankfully coming down from the shrooms and relief fell over me as we walked out of the dungeon. As we were walking out of the place EVERYTHING was different. As if I was in a totally different place then what I walked into. When we got in the car my mom just stared at me and said “hm”. I didn’t really care anymore so I just said mom I’m on shrooms. She said she had figured which didn’t surprise me because I was normally open to her about that stuff so she normally knew when I was high as shit. We drove home and when we got back to my house I sat down and just went into weed mode. I smoked so much which had me realizing how actually fucked that was and how much trouble I could have been in if I was caught. E had left shortly after we had got back to my house so it was just me once again. I just sat back and thought.
How, why, and HOW.

(Long but good) (I tried to remember best I could) (Excuse my grammar)
So about a year ago I had torn my acl and both maniscus skating which put me through surgery and pt. My friend had randomly shown up to my house tripping off these shrooms that he got from our dealer and told me I had to try them. We spent the night at my house because he had gotten kicked out of his house so he had eaten all his shrooms so he didn’t get caught so he was tripping pretty hard. It wasn’t till the next day that we went to the plug(treacherous journey walking.) Got to the plug, got them shroomies and started back to my house. I was a little hesitant to take the shrooms because I had pt that day in like 4-5 hours.
We rode the bus back to my house and my friend kept saying “take them now” and how he wanted to see me trip before he dipped. About two hours after getting back to my house the anticipation was killing me so I broke and took all of them. I was in 11th grade at the time and I was fairly experienced with acid and some dissociative so I wasn’t afraid to take them, but I had never taken shrooms before. About 45 minutes and I was already deep, but I was enjoying myself with the company of my friend, the walls were moving and the ceiling was fusing and whatnot which wasn’t unusual but I had a rise of anxiety as I realize that I had gotten caught in the moment and forgot I had pt in about 2 hours. My friends parents showed up to my house unexpectedly and took him back to his house but I was a little to high to process what had happened. Then all of a sudden I was all alone.
Tripping alone isn’t really recommended since I was still going up but I was chillin. It kinda takes a lot to get me overwhelmed so I thought I would be chillin for pt. All of a sudden my friend E shows up next to me. I actually have no idea how he got there or even got in. I jumped to him shaking me, calling my name. I was just so enveloped in the trip that I couldn’t process anything. Everything was flowing harder and my emotions were getting stronger. Apparently I had texted E to come over to which I told him I was tripping and didn’t even realize. Then my mom calls down the stairs “ N start getting ready for pt.” To which E looks at me. He says “N what the fuck” and I reply “hehe.” E I think realized how high I was so he decided to come with me, and thank god he did. I got ready barley able to think or even move, the clothes felt like little aliens swallowing my legs. The feeling of walking up the stair was strange since I had been immobile for the last two hours.
Me and E hopped into the car with my mom which wasn’t to bad until we got on the highway. Felt like I was hyper speeding through different spaces. Everything felt so fast and complicated that I just spaced until we got there. My mom had questioned once through the ride if I was on any drugs to which I said no. She believed me which was baffling considering how fucked I was. We what felt like warping got to pt and headed into the place. Everyone’s faces were twisting and playing different emotions all at the same time to the point of recognition was broken. I remember vividly when we got to the waiting room the walls and whatnot were covered in a colored carpet which just sent me. EVERYTHING was just patterns of color and distorment. They called my name to which I waltzed over to the little gym with E behind me. This was the first time I was meeting with this specific physical therapist so I had no idea who he was or even what he was. I sat on the table and that’s when it hit me how high I was.
The white floor felt like the reflection of the gates of heaven were welcoming me. Everything was so bright and twisted and honestly I don’t know how I didn’t freak out. That’s when the pt guy started to ask me questions. When I say I didn’t understand anything he said I mean it sounded like he was mixing up the words in his sentences. “Doing how you today?” I replied “um ok.” He looked at me confused. “HOW YOU ARE DOING TODAY.” I looked at E and just started laughing,
I replied “wonderful.” ( convo) pt-“Coming what for in”
me-“ hmm I’m not quite sure. Wait I think I hurt my knee recently but I’m not sure” (this was 3 months after my surgery🫠)
pt-“ok? Do you tell mind what happen?”
Me-“I think I was snowboarding which I was fine doing but my knee hurts after I skate board”
pt- “um ok. Do mind you test if bend.”
Me- “o—k”. At this point I was past the point of anxiety and into fear but I didn’t show it somehow. I flipped onto my stomach to which he started bending my knee and doing various tests which was normal. Closing my eyes was the weirdest feeling as I felt as if I was falling into a colorful void in my head. I was lost.
Pt-“does this hurt” me-“ heheI dont knowww”
pt-“ok”.
I couldn’t feel pain at all, the only thing I felt was bliss and fear throughout my body at the same time. It was the weirdest feeling ever but I maintained my composure to the best of my ability.
Pt- bike ride going to over head
Me- ok
Looking back on it now I feel so bad that I put E through this. He must have been embarrassed and content. It must have been funny and excruciating watching me trying to not slip up.
I hopped onto the bike and I won’t go into the details of the workout because I didn’t really interact much with anyone but within that period of time, for me it felt like each machine was a different place. I felt I had moved rooms every time I moved machines even though they were all in the same room. After I got through the workouts I had to end it off with a stretch exercise which the pt guy took me over away from E and asked me “ are you taking any narcotics or pain killers?” To which I laughed and dismissed the question but inside I was scared out of my mind. But thankfully he believed me.
He walked me back over to E to which he gave me a workout sheet to take home and said thank you for your time. I was suprised he hadn’t caught on, to which me and E said our thanks and head out. Mother was waiting in the lobby and asked me how’d it go. I just laughed and said can we please go. I was thankfully coming down from the shrooms and relief fell over me as we walked out of the dungeon. As we were walking out of the place EVERYTHING was different. As if I was in a totally different place then what I walked into. When we got in the car my mom just stared at me and said “hm”. I didn’t really care anymore so I just said mom I’m on shrooms. She said she had figured which didn’t surprise me because I was normally open to her about that stuff so she normally knew when I was high as shit. We drove home and when we got back to my house I sat down and just went into weed mode. I smoked so much which had me realizing how actually fucked that was and how much trouble I could have been in if I was caught. E had left shortly after we had got back to my house so it was just me once again. I just sat back and thought.
How, why, and HOW.

My sweet loving mother suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage while visiting me. My siblings and I are absolutely heartbroken. This is taking a financial toll and could use any help or prayers. Thank you for taking the time to read this. https://www.gofundme.com/f/marta-cruzs-journey-to-recovery?utm_medium=email&utm_source=product&utm_campaign=p_email%2B2300-co-team-welcome

Ok didn’t know where else to ask this, super duper casual fan here. I’ve loved Mother since I was a little little kid, but there’s a certain part where i was never sure what he was saying. I looked it up today and it’s “til You’re bleeding” and I am not convinced lmao
It doesn’t sound like that to me! It sounds closer to “til I’m bleeding” but even that doesn’t sound right to me. “Bleeding” totally sounds right. Wondering if anyone has any other takes or am I just not hearing it right.

Here are the lyrics - is someone could do this then it would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance!
Meri jaan tere vich vasdi Jind kadd lai khirh khirh hasdi Meri jaan tere vich vasdi Jind kadd lai ni a hasdi Rooh khirh jandi eh takk k tera munh, tera munh Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu Ohdo ban jai jaan te saadi Jado beh jaani a russ ke Tere lai chahat kini us Rab ton vekh lai puch k Naa kar baithe aa tere khud nu khud nu
Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu
Zindagi tere naam kiti heeriye ni De chaddeya main aapna sab Meri jaan tere ton je vadh ke gaya ni Mainu maaf kare na scha Rabb Tere waalan vich curl That makes me crazy girl Gal gal utte chakke jivein eyebrow Tere saare nakhre hun change lagde Dil kadmaa ‘ch rakh ditta sunlo Main te tu bas tu te main Let me love you girl, mere kol aake beh Candle night I’m gonna hug you tight Tu mere vall dekh ik vaari love you te keh Jad mehak tere saahan di Mere saahan de vich ghull jai Pher yaad rahe na kujh vi Mainu saara aalam bhull jai Na mukh mere ton morhi Main mar jaun, mar jaun
Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu
Saahvan vich teri khushboo ai Ajjkal tera jaadu ai… Yeh hai noor Khuda da Do jind ek rooh ai Akhiyan nu aas a teri Aas di pyass vi tu ai Main tere kaddma ‘ch haazir Hun sab kuch tu bas tu ai Dassan kivein sohniye jadon hansdi Ohdon khirh jaave mera har din Je meri Rabb sun de Te ik saah vi na aave tere bin
Mere chalde ne jo saah, ehna di ikko wajah Bas tu, bas tu, bas tu, bas tu

For context I'm a single parent to 2 kids, 28yo, I am renting from my Nparent as there's no where else to stay in my city, I'm also moving over to another country in July and going NC, I can't wait, here's the list, ad lib from his mouth (I've had to paraphrase a couple of these quotes for names); TLDR: Quotes from an NParent over the years:
"Emotional blackmail"
"Your partner wouldn't decide to be here if they had a choice and neither would my ex wife" (referring to self isolation during the pandemic)
"I wish I'd self isolated somewhere else"
"You need to step up and be a mother"
"You're pathetic, being a mother is a 7 day a week job"
"Go bludge of someone else" (even though I pay $400 rent to him a week for his mortgage lol)
"The neighbors don't want to hear you" (referring to when the kids are playing and being loud)
"Just shut the f**k up"
"The sad truth is you have put these guys future at risk" (referring to me apparently putting the kids future at risk, bc according to him we're going to amount to nothing)
"Addicted to the phone" (I'm only on it to block you out lmao)
"Living with dogs" (referring to me and the kids)
"Lost cause" (this one hurt the most, and it still does)
"Scummy house of the neighborhood"
"My life would be better off without you guys x3 plus "I'm trapped"
"Lazy"
"My sister's take better care of the kids than you do"
"Living with a bunch of pigs"
"You ruin everything "
"You don't supervise them enough, I guess they'll have to drink bleach or something and die before you realize"
"Stop with the emotional blackmail, I owe you nothing , it's the kids I feel sorry for as basically they need me in their lives and you have screwed that up"
"I wish you had never come back (after having the kids away from the house for 2 weeks over Xmas holidays 2022"
"Stop gaslighting me"
"You use and abuse me"