This was, by far, the sleaziest place we’d stopped for supplies. At least while I’d been part of the crew. For all I knew, the upstanding little courier starship had visited some real dives under previous leadership, but Captain Sunlight was both respectable and smart.
I wondered whose idea it was to stop at this freewheeling anarchy market, set up on an asteroid that somebody had installed a gravity generator on. There was an atmosphere too, and a wide variety of stalls on this mile-long hunk of rock, but not much in the way of oversight.
I saw two different fistfights in progress among the other ships while we exited onto the landing pad.
“Okay,” announced Captain Sunlight, standing as tall as she could — which wasn’t much, lizardy little thing that she was, but she looked dignified — “Mimi, Blip, and Blop, come with me. Trrili, take one or two others with you. Anyone else object to staying to guard the ship?”
There was a hearty chorus of no’s. Zhee turned a faceted eye on the pair of bystanders walking a little too close, clicking his pincher arms at them until they scooted away. In the distance, something that looked like fireworks colored the sky.
A polite claw tapped my elbow.
“Want to come with?” asked Coals, the Heatseeker with dull red scales. He was both shorter and stockier than the captain, and more importantly, he was good friends with Trrili. “It’s a pretty interesting place; I’ve been here once before.”
“How safe is it?” I asked, wanting to be convinced. There were some bizarre things for sale in the stalls visible from here.
“Should be fine as long as we’re careful,” he said. “Especially with her around.” He lifted his chin towards the insectile horror that loomed over him.
Trrili loved looming. “Yessss,” she said. “Essspessssially with me.” She flexed her own pinchers, glossy black to Zhee’s purple, and chuckled darkly. The red patterns on her carapace were especially vivid in the light of the nearby sun.
I smiled. Trrili was terrifying, but she was our terrifying. “Sure. I’d love to come.”
Coals aimed a claw in the opposite direction of the one that Captain Sunlight was looking towards. “Pretty sure I saw some Earth animals for sale as we landed.”
“Oh, well why didn’t you say so?” I asked. “Lead the way!”
We checked in with the captain, promised to be careful, and were off. I had some interplanetary credits in my pocket that I didn’t really plan on spending, but it was good to be prepared.
I also had a mini stun gun in a different pocket.
This place was just as chaotic as I’d expected, like an alien farmer’s market with a distinct lowlife element. Here was a humanoid selling pottery that glowed; there was a tentacle alien selling food that moved; over there was a would-be pickpocket getting the tar beaten out of them by a large hairy whatsit. A hand appeared around the corner of another stall to grab a power cell and disappear.
I kept my own hands close to my pockets, wishing I’d worn something with zipper pouches.
“Ah,” said Trrili. “There is the media.” She didn’t bother hissing in normal conversation, but as she led us over to a booth lined with shelves and run by small individuals, I fully expected the intimidation to come out soon.
Just before we reached it, Coals rapped a knuckle on her foreleg. “Hey. We’ll be at the end of the row. See?” He pointed.
“Yessss,” Trrili agreed.
With a nod, Coals left her to her bargaining, and waved me onward. I was a little concerned about this, but the end of the row wasn’t far. We could yell for her to come charging over if need be.
“See those guys in the solar ponchos?” Coals asked. He didn’t need to point.
I squinted. “Hard not to.” The clothes that the two plant-like people wore weren’t as bright as the actual sun, but they sure were unpleasant to look at. The other shopkeepers were giving them some distance, leaving space between their little cart and the proper stalls. Aside from the eye-searing fashion, they had ropy green limbs and faces like rose blossoms that wanted to be mandibles. Fleshy maroon, sharptoothed mouth in the middle, at least half a dozen eyes scattered throughout. More than a little creepy.
“I was watching with the mag lens earlier,” Coals said. “With the classification setting. They’ve got the Earth animals.” He was watching my face as he said it.
The series of expressions that I went through were probably interesting to see as I got a proper look at what was on that cart.
Earth animals, yay! Which ones? Those look like fishbowls. But there’s no water inside, just … fur? Are those cats shoved in fishbowls??
I felt my face grow stony. “Coals,” I said. “Who do we report animal cruelty to around here?” One of the plant guys was waving a bowl around, shouting about potted predators. A passerby turned him down, and he yelled an insult after them.
“Uh, nobody.”
I watched the guy hold up a different one and say something about food paste squeezed in through the lid. When he flipped the cap to demonstrate, piteous mewling filtered out. “What about theft?” I asked.
“Also no.”
“Good,” I said, voice flat. “Go get Trrili, then help me steal these.”
​
* * *
​
It took less convincing than I thought. Trrili already had her selection of media in a bag slung behind her, and she chuckled evilly. Coals cracked his knuckles and talked strategy. Then we went for it.
“Hello,” I said, approaching the sellers alone. “How many of these do you have?”
“Everything on this cart,” said the taller one with the bigger blossom head. “Limited supply, very valuable; get them before they’re gone.” He picked up a fishbowl full of gray fur, turning it like a fine art appreciator. A tiny face with big eyes peered out, meowing silently. Stars, these were kittens.
“You don’t have a source for more?” I asked, trying to sound unimpressed.
“These are very exotic, from a far away planet,” he said.
The shorter one bent to pull a big bowl from the bottom shelf of the cart. “Perhaps we can interest you in a larger model? It’s one of a kind.”
That’s the mother cat. Good. I straightened up. “I’ll take all of them,” I said. “Every one you have.”
The sleazy pair chortled and fawned and named a price that could have bought a single-seater spaceship.
I pulled out my tiny stun gun and aimed it at the tall one. “No. I’ll just be taking them.”
They of course laughed at me, and pulled out their own weapons, which Coals had spotted and identified through the holsters. These were also stun guns, but a bigger and more painful model that put mine to shame.
They weren’t, however, very effective on people with exoskeletons.
Trrili leapt out from behind the nearest stall, crossing the distance in a heartbeat of flashing black-and-red limbs, then reared up to stand over them with her pinchers flared, shrieking at earsplitting volume.
I’d already ducked to the side, so while they stumbled back and aimed, I got a great view of Coals jumping forward to grab their stupid ponchos and yank them off their feet.
One of them shot Trrili in the foreleg, making her hiss a little, but the other didn’t even manage that. And before I could use my little peashooter, Coals had tackled them and wrestled the guns from both. With an oversized stun gun in each hand, he got to his feet and aimed at the pair, just daring them to try something, like the tree-foot-tall badass he was.
“What did we do to you??” asked the tall one, rubbing his wrist but otherwise holding still.
“Yeah, how did we piss you off?” the smaller one demanded, eyes locked on Trrili.
I stepped forward with anger in my voice. “You didn’t offend either of them,” I said. “You offended me.” At their baffled silence, I continued. “Where did you get these animals? And what makes you think it’s okay to keep them contained like that?”
They both answered at once, and neither was terribly helpful. Some space trader somewhere. They didn’t even know where the cats were from.
“They’re from my planet,” I informed them. “And they should never be treated like this. Any human can tell you that.”
Their answer was just mumbling that sounded like “Yeah, okay.”
“Have you ever met a human before?” I asked, stepping closer. I leaned in. “My people eat things that look like you.”
They held very still, and didn’t object when Trrili pulled their cart away. Coals stepped back to follow, stun guns still aimed.
I put mine back in my pocket and gave them a final glare. “Do not try this again,” I said. “Or I will know.” I turned on my heel and followed Trrili, with Coals bringing up the rear. He kept the guns.
Shopkeepers and bystanders watched in curiosity, but none seemed particularly bothered by any of that. I heard what sounded distinctly like laughter. As we walked away, the hustle and bustle that had quieted a bit gradually resumed its normal volume.
I took the cart handle from Trrili. “Thank you both.”
Trrili chuckled. “My pleassurrrre.”
“Yeah, happy to help,” Coals said, moving up to walk alongside. He looked over the half dozen bowls that were rattling a bit, though I tried to pull the janky cart smoothly. “When you said you’d know…”
I held my chin up. “As far as they can tell, I will,” I said. “Any psychic abilities on the part of humans is for them to worry about.”
Coals laughed quietly and found the safety settings for the stun guns, saying nothing.
We got the cart into the ship without any objection from the crewmates we passed, though there was a fair amount of curiosity. Trrili and Coals stopped to tell the story in the lounge while I made a beeline for the medbay.
“I require use of your scanners,” I told Eggskin, who was understandably surprised. But at the sight of the cats, they wasted no time in bringing out everything required for a full checkup. I made sure to scan for contagion first, cart and all. I certainly didn’t trust those sleazeballs to be sanitary.
“All clear,” Eggskin said. They pulled gloves on over yellow-green scales. “Do we have spare carrying crates in the storage hold?”
“Oh, good point. We should put the family together.” I opened the door and leaned into the hallway. “Hey, Mur! Could you please bring a mid-size carrying crate? It’s urgent.”
Mur had been going a different direction, but he turned readily on dark blue tentacles with a “Sure thing.”
“Thank you!” I called after him.
He was back in no time with the crate, an ideal size for us to put Mama Cat into after her scan. She was dehydrated, but didn’t show any signs of having been in there long. Good. A bit of proper food and a reunion ought to be just the thing.
When we put the first kitten in with her, the purring was so loud it brought tears to my eyes. Eggskin and I wasted no time in checking the others. They were all okay. Not even any fleas.
I was talking with Eggskin about where to keep them for the time being when the door opened to let Captain Sunlight in. A curious crowd waited in the hall.
I stood at attention. “I’m not apologizing,” I said over the tiny kitten mews.
She shook her head. “No, I don’t expect you to. Are you hoping to keep them onboard, though?”
I shook my head. “I’m sure I can find a home for them at the next space station. Anywhere with a lot of humans, really. These are little cuties, and the mom didn’t even hiss at me, so she ought to raise them to be friendly.”
Captain Sunlight nodded. “All right, then. How about you keep them in your quarters as soon as they’re clear to leave the medical bay?”
“Yes, I was thinking that would be best,” I said. “I’ll just have to be careful opening the door. Maybe I can rig a net as a barrier that I can step over, to at least slow them down.”
“I’ll leave you to figure out how to keep them from roaming the halls,” she said. “Or the engine room, or the cockpit.”
“Yes. I will.”
She left it at that, and opened the door to shoo people away from the convalescing animals. The cart was already out there with the empty bowls and the food paste that would be going in the kitchen trash.
I saw Paint rummaging around the miscellaneous junk on the lowest shelf, which I hadn’t bothered to touch. Her orange tail straightened with excitement. “Hey, there’s money in here!”
I winced. Captain Sunlight gave me an unreadable look.
I felt bad about it, but then I looked down at the kittens tumbling over their mother, each getting licked in turn, and the feeling vanished.
“We can buy cat food with that,” I said.
The captain nodded. “Of course.” Then she sighed. “Mimi is going to be insufferable. First we find a replacement hoverbike after all, now this.”
A gruff voice called from down the hall, “Told you it was a good idea to stop there!”
I grinned. “The cats thank you!”
A toothpaste-green octopus head popped into the doorway. “Name one after me,” said Mimi, waving a tentacle.
I grinned wider. “I think that’s a great name for a cat.”
~~~
The ongoing backstory of the main character from this book. More to come!
Cross-posted to Tumblr and HFY.

Hello guys, bypassed iPad 5 gen can be used as a hub for the home kit app? Thanks.

I am having the week from hell. I'm sick with the flu but because of my stupid work I get no sick pay (thanks UK) so I have had to drag myself to work still sick. Then I get pulled into a meeting by my boss about how "If I'm too sick to work I'm too sick to work" in response to me asking to work from home to manage my symptoms but at the same time them telling me that I'm on a written warning for attendance. So essentially, don't come in if you're sick but we're going to fire you if you don't come in.
Even when I've tried explaining that logic doesn't work because I'm sick all of the time, my boss literally called me "entitled" for "deciding when I want to work from home."
On top of that, the guy I'm dating who happens to study close to my work asked me to meet up with him before I go home but I have a crippling migraine and a job interview tomorrow, I literally have no energy to see him. When I explained this he got upset but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do, I'd just feel grouchy and in pain if I saw him.
It's just so hard because everyday I'm reminded that everyone - from my horrible bosses to people I love - just don't understand my condition and keep pushing me to do things on able-bodied terms :/ I just can't keep up.

I got the i4 with the purpose of commuting. Other vehicle is a Jeep Wrangler, not so great on mileage. My commute is 35 miles each way, mostly highway unless that's closed which then it's surface streets with lights. My work provides free charging which was the main incentive for full plug in electric.
I wanted to track my costs for charging and see how much it would be if I charged fully at home or fully at public chargers. This would be for down the road if work ever decides to charge us or not have it available.
I have had my M50 for a month now with just under 2,000 miles. I pulled the car data to get all of the charging history. I created a chart to see average charging rates at the different locations over time(for some reason you have to be sitting in the car to see that).
One issue is that the car data does not show you the state of the battery when finished charging, only when plugged in. I normally leave mine set at 80%, but I have turned it to 90% or 100% when I know I'm going to be driving a lot over the weekend. This creates bad data for the miles per kWH calculation. I'm going to have to note the times when I don't charge to 80% and just delete those entries going forward. I don't see an easier workaround. The 4.9 is not correct, but it will get better with time. My car says I'm at 3.9 for the average commute.
In summary, I've driven 1723 miles and spent $12.04 in total for energy so far. Had I charged exclusively at home, with a rate of $0.08, it would've cost me $39.36. Exclusively at Electrify America, with no account, with the max rate if $0.48, it would've been $236.16.
My Jeep, which gets 12mpg, over the same mileage, would've been $458.
Here's a link to the sheet. Please feel free to critique, improve and use yourself. If you have suggestions to make it easier for me, I welcome it. If you have questions, let me know.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1iMCvdyQGYwuZ7D8_CpOQal7704v63hcE4sTy_9KuJMk/edit?usp=drivesdk

Hi i apologize if this is long. So i (26f) started sleeping with my coworker (28m) let’s call him G about 3 months ago that obviously ended in an unplanned pregnancy. We’ve been working together since last september so 7 months. This whole time we was working together he not once mentioned he was in a relationship or seeing someone. He didn’t have pictures on his desk and he computer background was anime. We work closely together. He would ask about my bf at the time (broke up in december). Anyway i’m about 6 weeks along. When we hooked up it was at my house after work usually and on the weekends he spent nearly all day with me. When i told him i was pregnant he freaked out initially i thought it was because he wasn’t ready to be a dad nope turns out he has a girlfriend and kids at home! To say i was upset is an understatement but hey it is what it is. I felt bad for his girlfriend i know what it’s like to be cheated on if i had known even in the slightest he had a girlfriend i never would have slept with him. Well he told her and she wanted to meet me. I figured i at least owed her that even tho i had no idea she existed. So we met at a restaurant and the minute i sat down she looked at me with disgust. I let it go. The waitress came we ordered drinks and food after she started in. She asked how long had i been sleeping with him I told her the truth. She then said what kinda whore sleeps with their coworker who’s in a relationship. I looked at him waited for him to tell her i had no idea she even existed (i know stupid on my part) when he didn’t i looked at her told her i had no idea she and her existed. She said she found that hard to believe since they had a happy relationship. I asked why was she upset at me when her man was the one that cheat i had no idea you or you kids existed he never mentioned it the whole 7 months we worked together he spent nearly every weekend at my house where did you think he was every weekend when he wasn’t at home. She said it didn’t matter what she thought i still slept with someone who was in a relationship and who has kids. I said obviously this isn’t going to be cordial like i was hoping sorry your man’s a pos hope you guys work it out turned to G told him to his face he was a pos he should have told me he was in a relationship otherwise i never would have had sex with him then left. He chased after me telling me he was sorry he had no idea she would say that he told her i never said i was in a relationship that you had no idea she existed. He asked if we could talk about the baby saying he hopes i let him in his/hers life. His gf came out and heard him saying this saying your really going to be in that bastard child’s life and throw our happy life. i had enough i told her if he was in a happy relationship and had a good life at home he never would had slept with me and that she should take a look why he stepped out on her (i know i shouldn’t have said that) She busted out in tears he went to console her i got in my car and left. He texted me later saying what i said was an ah move but he understood i was upset. So aita?

I have a family member, and whenever they walk past our ring camera the connection is lost? Or very glitchy. Our wifi signal is Alaskan just weak in general when she is home. I know there is correlation between energy we emit, and internet stuff. Just not sure what.

Recently tried the tortellini at Torrisi and really loved them. Does anyone have any recs for other really good tortellini either from a shop to cook at home or a restaurant?

Ethical Anarchy
Every 1 million years, we vote on whether or not to keep Ethical Anarchy as a system.
Ethical Anarchy is a system based on the individual adoption of law. The only ground political contracs are the no killing, destruction or attempted destruction contracts, nor claiming ownership of the property except Simeon. A final ground ethical contract states that penalties for all crimes may be taken in blindness, pain, time or money. Simeon is immune.
Before, countries operated based off violence and war. Now they use money, lotteries and anti money to get better results. People had no real influence over the state. Even in democracies, the wisdom of the crowd was lost to bad education.
Ethical Anarchy has rules that distinguish it from old governments.
Law is individually adopted and enforced nonviolently.
People individually adopt laws that only apply to acts done against their person or property.
The "government" only has the power to keep you off of public property, not kill you. It has jurisdiction over the environment and streets. Any law enforced with prison, fines or anything else must be approved by a majority of the public in a referendum via ethical contract. There is no death penalty for anything other than murder, and that is decided individually or locally per star system, where life in hell or death are options in the death penalty referenda.
There is a judicial anarchy and rules for trials and appeals. Anyone can serve as a justice elector, but only has as much judicial power to share as people who vote for them. It takes a minimum of four votes to become a judicial elector, however a new ethical contract may decide. To have a trial, determine the size of judicial pool and how many judges you want. Judges are randomly selected from the drawn jurisdiction pool. Both victim and defendant pick half the applicable districts and can strike one of the other’s. They must also select a common language for the trial, if not then the language spoken by the most people on that planet will be chosen automatically.
Judges are rated by both the public and official rating services, or collections of rating services elected by the public that have a higher vote rate. Victim and defendant both rate judges after the trial. Highest rating judges are automatically selected. Appeals require you to bring in more judges.
There shall be one judge seat per 10,000 people judges serve a 10 year term. Each judge elected during phase 1 gets 1000 judicial points per vote they receive and bids on available judicial seats. Alternately, they can vote directly for candidates to fill each seat and use approval voting.
Good vs. Evil is replaced with left vs right as a main dichotomy and driving force in society.
Law enforced via warrant contracts.
All have authority to act in situations that require someone to act when they can
Land points used as money.
No force, just subvention as a means to enforce laws.
No destruction or death for anything other than murder, trespassing, breaking of ethical contracts and violating the bill of rights. This list may not expand without the 7/8ths consent of congress and the public in a referendum.
​
Media and Education Funding would be done via congressional grant with the president possessing a line-item veto.
Economy, Land Ownership and Integration.
​
All must work or go to school. Distributaries fund schools and set standards for payment for taking different subjects or completing assignments. Individuals in space get paid to go to school, and must use this money to pay for entertainment , food and gaming access. The more and better assignments you do , harder classes you take or tutoring you complete, and better grades you get, the more money you earn.
Money must be used by all to pay land taxes, food taxes, and identity theft and reputation damages insurance among other things.
Licenses to sell food, access or traverse a bounded area, peak, trade, warp, park, live in a home, eat in space cost money, and must be paid each time a service is used. There shall be at least two licenses to sell food issued per star system, and all must be distributed via auction. The final number of food licenses must be determined by outlawry congress, and limited to no more than 90% of the population. Transferable eating licenses are to be sold by multiple providers in packs of 50, with each 50-pack being auctioned off.
Money may also be earned by interacting with the human economy: Creating, Buying and selling books, ideas, media, or online shopping, design, data entry, or any other digital or creative service. Drones may also be rented and space vacations sold. All earth money earned by working an ordinary job is matched at a rate set by the tax property assessor.
All entertainment must be paid for and original creators, be they people or being, be paid for rights to view, copy or share their work. Beings must purchase entertainment licenses from original creators by accosting movie studios or otherwise remunerate them. Copyrights in space last a minimum of 200 years, with the final amount being decided by ethical contract.
Money supply:
A UBI of $1000/month must be given to all individuals, and a circulating money supply of 4x extra must be distributed via work, grants, school and lotteries. The UBI must be funded through taxation of all income and is the only government expenditure besides game funding. Earth money is convertible into space money. On earth, space money can be used to pay for church expenditure, spirit cards and media.
In space, earth money can be used to pay for media and buy land for kingdoms.
Land Ownership
All land must be assessed a land tax by property assessors- general elected y the oubic using RRV, and each property asessor having the power to assess properties proportional to their vote share. Simeon and the body public at large, represented and effecting their will via congress, own the property.
Land value tax is not to be not less than 1% or land value per year, used to fund UBI.
All must send their taxes to a local galactic treasurer elected by all in a galaxy, who runs a census and distributes the money minus their salary equally to all. They must state their salary upfront before election and take no more than that amount from the tax haul to pay themselves. Nonpayers get their property claims ignored and their property sold at auction with the money going to everyone else.
Land must be leased for a time specified in a contract, during which the land rentnever goes up. Whoever offers the highest rent per month wins. Permanent land ownership is forbidden.
Any group of 10 or more contiguous landowners may agree to bound their neighborhood and charge tolls for access or traversal to nonresidents. All must pay except those egressing and giving notice. Rates shall be regulated by ethical contracts. Control zones one galaxy wide must be established.
Kingdoms
Gods must fund kingdoms with people money earned from followers, businesses and ventures on earth. No space-earned money can be used to build your kingdom other than what was earned via congress.
License to operate planet-based currency exchanges may be given out or auctioned, with the method to be determined by ethical contract.
Policing
Police forces must enforce centralized law that an absolute majority of the population selects. There would be a monopoly on police funding, but decentralized forces may be able to do police work. Police consumer cooperatives may be established to compete, selling no more than 20 percent of stock to non owners.
All police forces must be organized as consumer police cooperatives, with a minimum of fifty members. unless a majority of a star system's residents choose to allow private police. Everyone must join one, and police cooperatives may self-defend or contract with external agencies for defense, serving as buyer's coops. All members of police coops must vote on police chief leading the department and sign a thirty year security contract.
Cooperatives will compete to provide property insurance and security to members. Any group of fifty or more people can start a security force and be legal to buy weapons. All security cooperatives are funded by the people they serve and everyone must join one.
Anyone who is properly trained can do policework in ethical anarchy. Any person can make an arrest after attending free or paid police education. Police would be able to enforce orders of outlawry on the population. Only trained police officers could make arrests. Police forces would operate independently and be able to outlaw rogue agencies after a trial, where agencies representing a ¾ majority of the public could convict and shut down a police force.
Police services would partner to respond to calls and trade tokens. If police force a responded to a call from someone in police force b, then police force b would need to respond to one call from police force a in the future.
No cooperative may be created excluding customers from a segment of the population and compete to hire centrally trained and licensed police officers. No limit on police licenses given out may be issued.
Police Coordinator
Elected by the police chiefs of all forces one vote one police force, most votes wins. The police coordinator is elected by all cooperative leaders in a system, sector, galaxy and universally. Cooperatives decide who votes for them. Additional funding may be given to cooperatives based on membership.
Central Police Chief
Chosen by Jungle primary FPTP.
No special power to kill, just right to evict trespassers from public property and transfer to rison.
CPC appointed officers would accompany those seeking to arrest individuals for a bounty to make sure rogue agencies couldn't make false arrests. A court established by congress or ethical contract could outlaw an agency found to be in breach of local guidelines for operation, like extortion.
Funding
Services would be funded via warrant contract. Contributors to essential charities a majority of the public likes, like educational and health services would band together and refuse to buy, sell or admit people who traded with those who didn't contribute. Alternatively, they could simply charge them more. This works for the military too. For business owners, they would pay personal income taxes or their personal homes and property would not be protected and crimes against them would not be investigated.
Prison and Outlaws
All prisons could be run either privately or publicly by the highway police. All would be funded via warrant contract. Regulations for prisons and police would be created by congress.
Who may outlaw? Only a democratically elected judge or their delegates chosen by an absolute majority of people in any given area. This implies a two stage election w/runoff. FPTP with runoff if no candidate receives an absolute majority should be used.
Higher levels of government might offer veto and safe harbor to an outlawry notice.
Who can arrest?
Anyone if someone is a suspect. And there’s the issue.
​
President is elected every two weeks via approval voting and can serve up to ten years in a row before they must resign. The president must maintain a high approval rating and keep their coalition energized to stay in power. Politics would be fun. Debates would be held all over the place. Approval voting means you could vote for as many people as you wanted. The president would have the power to..
Appoint prosecutors, one fifth of judges to the supreme court and lower courts,
They may veto congress and the results of referendums, pardon criminals and commute sentences. They may also appoint the heads of agencies open during their term. Terms of heads of agencies are decided by congress.
President appoints theme leader, and may create as many positions as they need for their administration.
Kudzumi
​
Tax collection. Taxes, I'd they exist would be collected socially via warrant contracts. Nonpayers would be refused service at businesses or be charged higher prices because taxpayers would band together and refuse to patronize businesses that didn’t. It’s far more likely that nontaxpayers would pay extra.
Congress
Everyone has a right to create a party for congress and collect the votes of nonvoters, gathering petitions from those who want to give their votes to a party for a given length of time, say, 2 weeks to 5 years.
Congress would consist of a single unicameral legislature with 1 seat per 10000000 people. Parties would be elected. Uninterested voters may be able to give their votes to a party or congress as a whole as mentioned. Congress would establish agencies, tribunals and provide oversight. They could impeach and remove a president from power. They would also hold contests..
Congress could make rules enforceable by deprotection, outlawry or confinement to home or building with a simple majority. Congress could not force, but relies on society and local governments to implement its will. It could also withhold funding.
A good ethical anarchistic congress can..
Congresses have the ability
To fund, subsidy, To mint To tax gods and people.
To create universal educational and other requirements for bounty hunters and police.
To establish by law and have Thaos enforce a land, wealth, and income tax and any other tax they so desire. To grant To establish roads and prisons and other infrastructure To imprison with simple majority To kill with unanimous consent minus the person accused or their representative. The required majority may not be lowered. To regulate the use of force in society. To regulate the dichotomy To raise an army, navy and police forces to suppress insurrection and false claiming. To budget and law the economy and work trade, investment and businesses To create banks To license and control businesses To establish copyrights, trademarks and register or renumerate original ideas. To establish themes and technology taxes To fund games and prizes on game shows. To rate To establish mediations To regulate advertising and media. To spread the word and issue proclamations and directives to lower congress and attach democratically decided (by congress) stipulations.
To kill with the 99% approval of all members in each house of congress minus the representative(s) of the person effected and their locale or home district.
To outlaw and deprotect with a majority.
Congress may refuse to fund or give grants to businesses for any reason, including effusing to require a person to follow congressional law, which might be approved or rejected as a package.
To create all laws assistant and just to serve these ends.
Police and Security Districts
Are drawn by the president or people in referendum, and the map must be approved by congress. Everyone voting in one may select the police chief.
Collective Action
Collective action gets accomplished voluntarily through collective action contracts or labor lotteries where you get paid to sign and remain on-call.
Terror and Ethical Anarchy
Voluntary monitoring of Extremist views and voluntary censorship and reporting via individual anti-terror contract, no sig, no job, you are looked at suspiciously.. And do not serve.
War and Military
People who donated to the military and businesses woohol supported it would refuse to hire noncontributors. The goal is for everyone to support the military, so those who did not support it could not buy houses
Education funding
Would occur via warrant contract, lottery or Human Capital Contract or the nominal budget
Would be funded using all kinds of things, including Human Capital Contracts and Diverse Microinvestment
All constitutions must respect and not violate the full bill of rights in the original constitution listed here.
The constitution that gets the most Thaos verified signatures in two weeks in th is chosen for four hundred weeks. No person may stop signatures from being gathered.
Forms of government are chosen every hundred weeks.
Border Control
Access to zones in ethical anarchy would be established via a pay to enter system or free at the community's request.
Nominalism pays
Political problems come from guns your guns. How deserving are polticians to decide how they are used?
Discrimination. Discrimination is bad. How can an ethical anarchy handle discrimination when local majorities support it? Ethical anarchy can do just as well as a democracy does when businesses discriminate. All it takes are smart warrant contracts. Businesses need supplies from all over to function. Those who refuse to hire or serve an underpriveleged minority can lose when other businesses boycott their suppliers or charge them extra. This will force them to go out of business or stop discriminating. Customers who support discriminatory businesses can be charged extra when they shop elsewhere, as may workers or owners.
This makes gathering and arresting suspects easy even en masse as they do it themselves. People who refuse to turn themselves in for questioning are most likely guilty, so crime solved itself. The less crime, the more resources there are to solve the little crime that exists, making us better at it. Everyone could be investigated eventually, and road cameras or overhead blimps could surveil the territory.
Ethical Anarchy
Weapon, Tool stores and gun stores would be required to record all buyers.
Any underhanded purchases would be caught by a double sting system. Purchases without proper identification would result in shutdowns and sentences. Gun store owners would be rewarded for reporting people who attempted to buy guns without the proper identifying info. They would have their property seized, sold and go to jail.
As for gun store owners, they would have their businesses, personal property and possibly lives taken if an unauthorized buyer successfully bought a gun. They would go to jail for life at the very least.
To operate without violent mobs burning down the store, gun stores would work with local police and advertise the fact in the window. No person would try buying a gun without valid ID.
All transfers of guns and lost or stolen guns and other weapons must be reported. Or else you go to jail or pay. However, any time you have a gun to someone who used it in an aggressive shooting you would be fined.
Gun safes and checkups would be handled by the gun store so they didn't get taxed.
Deterring crimes. More stings may occur than crimes. The media may report this. And report on successful stings. This would replace most bad news. Anyone could participate in or start a sting operation.
Ask are you buying a gun for someone else? And do some stings. Asking to or offering to straw purchase would be crime.
Refusing to allow mediators in to your house to search or arrest would be seen as suspicious.
Voluntary Congress and Fun
Ethical Anarchy can be made far far better with a universal basic income and voluntary congress. Congress would pay you a stipend of four hundred dollars every month as long as you obeyed all laws it passed. There may be a requirement to obey several dozen laws or so on and stop receiving money if you refuse until you turn yourself in.
Another way to run it is t are incentivize people to sign ethical contracts individually from a central fund and use reciprocal democracy to fund laws. This just means politicians get paid based on how many votes they Recieve, giving them an incentive to vote well.
Contracts and Enforcement
All contracts notarized by a congressionally authorized individuaal could be considered valid In reality. And thus enforced.
Penalties for Murder
Economic imprisonment is the best way forward, rather than prison.
For murder, a person would be burned for three times as long as they and the victim had been alive in addition to modern slavery. They would be chained to a work facility, weighted and fed by their employer or get food subsidies for authorized food. They would have ninety percent of their wages or more taken and the rest used to buy time away from fire. While prison costs money and resources, and death takes them away, this creates them. When not at work or in the bathroom, the prisoner slave would be blindfolded.
They could also be burned.
Why ethical anarchy? A story.
Democracy is better than dictatorship, but it's still rule by the few chosen by the mostly uneducated. Democracy is bad on rights. If the government can kill you, it has too much power. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat. Ethical Anarchy is excellent on rights because everyone only has power over their own property and bodies, not yours. Collective property like air, water and roads are managed publically through democracy and local congresses. Your stuff is managed by you.
Individual property is managed and well taken care of by people.
But at the same time, collective property accessible by those paying for it's upkeep will be managed by an elected manager.
Anyone who wants to access collective property may if they pay a fee. Only those who pay may enter or use it. Stewards are chosen by paying members or a central authority.
The author suggests that property upkeep be auctioned off to the lowest cost highest quality firm via contract.
Democracy works sometimes, but other times it doesn't. Imagine if we democratically decided what to eat for dinner instead of letting people make their own choices. In ethical anarchy, personal rights and freedom win every time because the system is built off of it. Ethical anarchy protects the smallest minority of all, the person.
Unified police training
Voluntary Congress and Fun
Ethical Anarchy can be made far far better with a universal basic income and voluntary congress. Congress would pay you a stipend of four hundred dollars every month as long as you obeyed all laws it passed. There may be a requirement to obey several dozen laws or so on and stop receiving money if you refuse until you turn yourself in.
Another way to run it is to incentivize people to sign ethical contracts individually from a central fund and use reciprocal democracy to fund laws. This just means politicians get paid based on how many votes they Recieve, giving them an incentive to vote well.
Contracts and Enforcement
All contracts notarized by a congressionally authorized individual could be considered valid in reality. And thus enforced. n issue may be having congress deenforce certain contracts with a 2/3 majority.
Lottery
Lotteries can be used to enforce law by providing inspiration to obey rather than force.
Captain of Police chosen by Daily approval voting.
Consumer Safety
And now, for the piece de la resistance, consumer safety. The chief of justice would run an agency tasked with listing all business service providers that were up to snuff. Nobody would shop at a business that didn't have the seal. Lying about approval would be grounds for a raid and closure of the business. All businesses would be required to have insurance to cover loss and damage before they opened up in a city. God may also regulate it. This would be regulated by deprotection. The list of ethical contracts you and your business have signed enabling the consumer safety authority to investigate you would be publically displayed.
To be approved, grocery stores would only carry merchandise from approved businesses. Any business not approved would be allowed to warn

Ethical Anarchy
Preamble
In times, we have sought to create the most free, most fair, most joyous and happy society. Praise be to God, our journey is complete. We have lived through and seen dictatorship, the weakness of democracy and ineffectiveness of anarchy. We resolve to choose none of the preceding and avoid repeating the errors of the past. We the people of Paelia, Karine, Nara, Rallfallamine, Pellend, Cassini, Section, Trace and Ledder along with surrounding states combine to form an Ethical Anarchy, and name our new country Ethica, in honor of said system as developed by our founder and freemaker Simeon Burks.
Remembering the many just who died to ensure our liberty and freedom during the transition and war for congress,
All honor and glory be to, amen.
We establish a new state based on Non destruction and
Legislature
The legislature for ethical anarchy shall consist of the people and a bicameral Congress for outlawries.
The people shall freely adopt ethical contracts as they wish, with a fifty one percent majority of the public being sufficient to send power to an ethical contract. Once powered, violators of an ethical contract may not access, traverse or use public property. They must also submit to tribunals and punishments described in the ethical contract although they may not have signed. Until powered, ethical contracts only bind people who sign them.
No person may be forced to sign an ethical contract, but individuals and groups may require the adoption of certain ethical contracts for entrance, or membership. Failure to ratify an ethicalrecal contract is valid cause for firing or dismissal from a group.
The legislature shall have the power to outlaw a person or create reasons for outlawry with a fifty one percent majority in addition to the public. Members of Parliament shall have the right to broadcast ethical contracts to all on a monthly ballot. The legislature controls ballot access. The legislature may make any law with any penalty except death with a fifty one percent majority. Acceptance of law is mandatory to travel on public property. Congress shall regulate police divergence, arrests and academies. Congress may regulate the economy and choose an economic system with a simple majority.
There shall be 454,000 seats distributed daily proportionally by party. The party getting the most votes selects the president.
The upper house (House of Gods) consists of 16,000 seats, and approves all judicial appointments, or regulations on god (not taxes) and standards for becoming one by a simple majority. Otherwise, legislstion needs only the first house. Thaos reserves a third of this house. It is elected by personal, national and local gods, each getting a vote number equal to the number of people supporting them, be they followers or voters. 40 year terms. The house of gods may block a lower house bill for up to 2 years or until the next election and regulate contests and coregulate space commerce. It, along with Chaos shall publish reports rating gods. It may rule on questions of the day and issue pronouncements via the figure.
The upper house shall select a yearly figure, chief distributary and person of the year. The same person may win up to two times in a row.
The vote gods possess in this house is cumulative. Gods choose a virtual district 1-sixteenthou and must stick with it for three elections.
Ethical contracts may only bind a person and their property, never third parties who did not sign unless the contract is mutual or about children, who may be considered collective property.
Ethical contracts must be voluntarily signed without coercion, although pressure and incentives can be used.
The legislature consists of a Congress for force that determines legitimate reasons for using force. No person has a unqualified legal right to use force, only valid and invalid reasons. Only a majority of people in both Congresses or the mediations it establishes may determine if a particular use of force is valid.
Ethical contracts are enforced using warrant contracts, blacklisting, boycott and exclusion from the use of public property if a contract is mutual. They may also specify other penalties.
When a person who has not signed an ethical contract acts against someone who has not signed it, the person not signing is indemnified unless the contract was powered with a majority vote, in which case the person breaking the contract is subject to legal action.
Ethical contracts cover acts done against signing people on public property, the private property of signers and the private property of nonsigners if signers are there, but not the private property of nonsigners if no signers are around.
Simeon has a prenalty of twenty million at 999 nonbinillion cubed providing immunity from all nonmurder crimes.
The territory allows no individual or group destruction or government issued a death penalty. If someone is outlawed nobody may protect them and they may be hurt or killed by any person.
Outlawry may only be used in cases of murder and for people failing to report to arrest, questioning, or prison.
Executive
The leader of the day selected by the largest party possesses the right to unilaterally appoint judges of the day and police chiefs. They may make any policy or appointment, subject only to veto by the guardian council and standing council. They may be impeached and removed by a 4/5 vote of either. Policies and appointments may last 1 day. The same person may be reelected 5,200 times in total, and for 1400 days in a row. Every two years we elect a special Leader of the day who serves a two year term. This person serves as a long term planner and appoints or oversees the election of visionaries at local discretion.
Guardian council is a 10,000 member council of randomly selected citizens who pick the highest numbers minus the top 4000. As selects. Standing council is all interested citizens who voluntarily join. They can block any action of the leader by majority vote as may congress.
The Congress may create congressional agencies and staff them at it's discretion.
A Standby Emergency Director shall be selected via mass petition. The person with the most votescollected in 4 days wins a three month term. Voters may vote for as many candidates as they want. The SED shall have the power to coordinate and lead emergency response if Congress declares a state of emergency for up to six months. The same person may win twelve times.
Law Enforcement
Every level of government is to elect a chief of police coordination and emergency response to oversee investigations and arrests and choose watchers.
If someone is listed as an outlaw by a congressionally established mediation or Congress itself, any person may make an arrest and Recieve a reward if the subject is captured alive. There will be a fine if the subject is killed during arrest unless watchers oversee the arrest and verify it was conducted lawfully in accordance with congressional rule
Prison
Prisons are public, private and mixed. They are to be regulated by law. Refusing to voluntarily go to jail to await a trial or sentencing is automatic outlawry.
Warrant Contracts
Warrant contracts, or pledges not to trade with people who trade with other people
Security
The people shall elect a monthly minister of security via petition. The person with the most signatures by the end of the month wins the position. The Minister of Security shall oversee regionwide defense and intelligence.
LSDD is Provisional Minister of Security until a new one is elected.
Security Districts to elect local police chiefs are drawn by the Minister of Security. Police chiefs elected every three months.
Naos is part of the security plan. XDD must be made programmed to resurrect chaos.
Judicial
Daily judges elected by leader of the day service all typical cases. Every second year, the second leader of the day appoints two year justices who serve as a court of appeals. Judges must be allowed to complete cases they start regardless of whoever appointed them's term being up.
Everyone is entitled to nine appeals before they go to Naos or a religious court.
The lower house of congress shall create an act organizing the supreme court (s) and visionaries. Congress shall create cours in addition to the 11 member Supreme Court. They shall approve or reject supreme court nominees by the Emergency Director.
For Ethical Anarchy Territory, As shall Staff the thirty five member supreme court.
The supreme court is the final arbiter of appeals for all cases on or in the territory.
There shall be sixteen districts throughout the land, each of equal population. District map drawn and approved by Chaos and Force Congress. God's compete over districts courts and the right to organize or sponsor police departments.
Property and Land
Chaos registers property. Simeon owns the land and caretakes it for Ethical Anarchy.
No person may be kept on a persons territory by force.
World and Environment
Simeon owns Naming rights. The environment the constitution may regulate is defined as any public or private property that flows into and intermixes with public property. (i.e, air and water) The public may regulate activity in and on such.
Ballots and Information
Individuals may create ballot listing services compiling a list of ethical contracts for readers to sign. The parliament regulates fraud and valid signature collection. It is not the government's responsibility to gather and list all Ethical contracts in one place.
The government may establish signing houses for people to sign notarized ethical contracts free of compulsion and mandate their use. Alternatively, they may send people who were listed as signing an ethical contract a notification.
Money and Minting
Simeon owns the minting and Economic system. Money must be used to pay taxes, buy a $10,000 weekly travel pass, land, play games and view media, but land and travel expenses. Simeon shares the mints with Congress. You earn money by attending school and going to parties or by playing sports. School attendance pays up to 15,000 weekly with good grades paying more.
Permanent Seats in Congress
Simeon Satan Narissa Shan Sitch Saddeus Entamion
Thaos reserves thirty percent of Seats in Congress
Chief Visionaries
Tiara and Vivian
Each selects 1/3 of Visionaries who serve at their leisure.
Visionaries serve a minimum of fifty years and promote and demote people in government positions and can recall elected and judges officials, comment on ballots, create themes
3 CommentsAwardShareSaveComment as Equal-Upstairs-213 CommentMarkdown ModeSort By: Best📷📷level 1Equal-Upstairs-213·just now
Kingdom funding
1ReplyShare📷level 1Equal-Upstairs-213·just now
Proxies.
Police chief
oathkeepers, forgeries, lotteries figure of the day, rolling agenda. strategist,
Figures of the day, month and year elected every so often.
President elected every four months
distributaries and contests chief chosen by president.
Figure: 1/3 popular vote 1/3 congress 1/3 presidential college every 4540 years.
Media grants, advertising distribution, education regulations.

Law: Treaurer of ethical anarchy with power to distribute UBI and set sschool salaries elected by all via JUngle primary FPTP with runoff if someone fails to receive a majority.
Law: Interpreting Ethical Anarchy is the responsibility of Simeon, RHo and Sitch and fmy mother and father and Entenny. They may clarify and add addendums to law.
1ReplyShare
RIder
Land Works like what? Asessor rrv
Maps and districting?
A territory may be split when..
Game based
Vote games for outlawry congress and elected congress. % of territory captured equals percent of senate seats you get. Outlawry senate.

Hi,
I am in the process of remodeling my my work from home setup and getting more productive. Right now I have a single 27 inch 1440p 144hz screen connected to my work Laptop and gaming Desktop and debating where I go from there.
The desk I am using is about 120cm wide and 80cm deep, will swap it in future for 140cm one. I am sitting in the corner, so not much room to spare.
I am not a programmer, work is mostly Web Apps and spreadsheets. Current Situation : 80% work, 20% gaming. Available Options are :

1. Keep 27 inch and add a 24 inch fhd screen or 27 inch 1440p on the side for dual Monitor setup
2. Get an ultrawide 34 inch 1440p 144hz and maybe add a 24 inch in future
3. get a 32 inch 4k screen and maybe add a 24 inch in future

Thanks

Hello I am interested in buying a house around Olympia, Lacey area and see how the houses are damn expensive. I was wondering whether it be a better idea to buy lots of land and put a prefab home there that could be lot cheaper than buying a house with a very small lot. Would like some feedback and some things I should know or consider before making next move. I am approved for like 250-350k so I want to do a good investment. Thanks in advance.

AdChoices📷The HillFollowView Profile

First Step Act was only half the job; now a ‘Second Step’ is needed

Opinion by Hugh Hurwitz, opinion contributor • Mar 2📷
The First Step Act (FSA) was a landmark achievement in the area of criminal justice reform. It came at a time of partisan politics and a divided Congress and was the only significant bi-partisan legislation passed during the Trump administration. “The First Step” is a new, award-winning film, documenting the passage of this historic act. The film gives viewers a behind-the-scenes look at the unlikely coalition formed between President Trump’s son in law, Jared Kushner, and CNN commentator and activist Van Jones. In the film we gain rare insights into the back door dealings, disagreements, and incredibly hard work that went into making the law a reality.
📷First Step Act was only half the job; now a ‘Second Step’ is needed© Provided by The Hill📷Create Standardized Forms - End-To-End WorkflowsAdwww.pipefy.com/workflow/process
Throughout the film we are reminded that we must take small steps to achieve great things. Van Jones related this effort to the 1957 Civil Rights Act, itself not a monumental achievement — but it led to the 1960 Civil Rights Act and ultimately the 1964 Civil Rights Act that everyone remembers today. Jones reminded his team to “Start small and build.” Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) preached the same, saying the FSA is just a “step in the right direction.”
I had a unique viewpoint at this time: I was Acting Director of the Bureau of Prisons (BOP) during the negotiations and ultimate passage of the FSA. I witnessed first-hand some of the scenes depicted in the film and saw the politics and horse trading that went on behind closed doors. As well documented in film, the FSA is important legislation. But how successful is it? I argue it was a small start, hopefully, on the way to something bigger.
The FSA had two primary goals: 1) to reduce the overcrowded prison population in the BOP and 2) to provide incentives for people in prison to take recidivism reducing programs which will increase the likelihood that they will succeed upon their release and not return to prison. In my opinion, the FSA succeeded wildly in number 1, and failed miserably in number 2. So, in short, yes, we definitely need something bigger: a second step.
While up-to-date data has not been made available, it appears that somewhere between 10,000 and 20,000 people have already been released early under the FSA, with thousands more in the queue. BOP is still calculating how people earn time credits, and they continue to release more in batches. Based on those numbers alone, it is hard to argue that the FSA was not successful in reducing the prison population.
The primary incentive offered under the FSA is time credits for completion of recidivation reducing programs. Application of these time credits will allow some people to complete their sentence early and transfer to supervised release, and others to transfer early to halfway houses or home confinement. The problem with the FSA is that while it incentivizes people to take recidivism reducing programs, the only people eligible for the coveted time credits are those already deemed to be minimum- or low-risk for recidivating. Said another way, only people assessed as minimum- and low-risk for recidivism are eligible to earn time credits leading to early release. But those are not the people we should be incentivizing to take recidivism reducing programs. The ones who truly need these programs are those deemed to be of medium or high risk of recidivating. Aren’t those the people we should be focusing on? But the FSA does not allow these people to earn time credits. In fact, I would argue the FSA actually disincentivizes medium- and high-risk people because why should they take a program that they won’t get time credit for, while the guy next to them is getting credit for the same program?
Let me be clear: I am not saying the FSA is a bad law. On the contrary, it has resulted in increased program opportunities and other changes to our federal prison system, and it has reduced the number of people in federal prisons.
What I am saying is that the need for a Second Step is great, as people deemed medium or high risk of recidivating are released without the benefit of critical recidivism reducing programs. About 95 percent of the people currently in our nation’s prisons will be released to our communities. They will be our neighbors. Isn’t it imperative that we do all we can to ensure that upon release they have the skills, tools, and resources to be productive, law-abiding members of society?
We need Congress to act now, in another bi-partisan effort, to pass laws that will ensure everyone incarcerated today is incentivized and given access to programs that will help reduce their recidivism risk.
Hugh Hurwitz held multiple positions with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, including Acting Director, Assistant Director for Administration, and Assistant Director for Reentry Services. Currently, he provides consulting services in prison management, reentry and reform, organizational change, and other areas. He is a member of the Council on Criminal Justice.
For the latest news, weather, sports, and streaming video, head to The Hill.

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I've been getting back into jogs w LO in the stroller. His magic talent is waking up like 3 minutes before we get home (like clockwork)- and he'll start to get really fussy for boob.
By the time we're in the house he's really ready to eat so I've had to kind of do a quick strip and feed. I've wondered if there's any risk to being sweaty post-workout and having his skin (at least face/mouth) touching mine. I know it's a little ick but there's no time to shower prior when he's that fussy. Should I at least be wiping myself down before a post-workout feed? Does it not matter? Curious to hear other's thoughts.

Sorry, this is a very long post. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I developed PANS 4 years ago after an infection at age 15 and with it developed severe anxiety, OCD, derealization/depersonalization and, surprise, agoraphobia. I also became very photosensitive and noise-sensitive, and had panic attacks at least once a day. It was an absolute living hell and I barely left the house. My grades went from straight As to barely passing, I only attended class half the time and out of that half I mostly went home or hid in the counselor's office.
I received my diagnosis a year or two (?) after it began, and after receiving treatment things improved greatly - I went to college, I got a job, could go out and do things with my friends, all that. I was active. I felt like myself again. Then things went bad.
I think it's my own fault; I stopped taking my medicine prematurely. I still had a good deal of anxiety while improving, and already had an awful time swallowing pills - I choked on one right near the end of my treatment and just totally dropped them completely out of fear. I thought it'd be fine but looking back, I think that set me up for failure.
Things very slowly started getting worse. I won't keep getting into my life story, but now 4 years in - probably a year and a half after going off the medication? - and the agoraphobia is in full swing. I'm making little to no money because I had panic attacks at work and ever since they've hardly given me hours. I'm failing all my classes because I can't attend them, because I'm terrified of walking to them. My campus is decent size. Even with all my classes in the same building, I can't get to the building in the first place. I'm scared of bright light, so I'm scared to walk in bright spaces outside. I've tried walking only in shadowy spots, but I'm too afraid to cross streets or walk on wide sidewalks, because I'm terrified of the wide open space. Every time I try it, I feel like I'm not even in my head anymore, I genuinely feel like I'll faint or lose control of my body, seize up, anything of the sort. My body physically hurts if I try to sit in a building with bright lights. Every time I put myself in these situations, I don't feel real anymore, and afterwards I feel like that moment didn't exist and like I teleported wherever I ended up. I stopped learning to drive because I'm terrified of being in the middle of the road, especially intersections, and I'm afraid that I'll die on the spot trying to cross through one. Looking through windows with bright lights on the other side feels less like a window, and more like a wall showing me fake imagery, and I genuinely hope deep down that when I open the door the "real" outside will be dark.
I've stopped enjoying things. I don't keep up with my work. My relationships are deteriorating - my family can't handle me anymore, for good reason, and genuinely don't know how to help; I can't do things with my friends aside from staying in the house, which they understandably get tired of; I can't even go out except to a few places with my boyfriend anymore, and although he says it's fine, I imagine it will wear on him at some point. He's the only safe person I have, and holding his hand is the literal only way I can cross streets (and even that's gotten more difficult and near impossible within the past month), but I won't tell him that as to not put pressure on him.
I feel like I'm in hell. I have panic attacks every day, multiple times a day, and my head hurts from them all the time. I've tried sensory aids like sunglasses, earplugs (I have special ones even to filter out background noise specifically), earbuds to play music, wearing the same jacket, bringing water if my mouth is dry, I've tried everything within my power. Today, I'm finally hitting a breaking point where I'm tempted to just drop out and give in.
It's freezing cold out. My classes are all in one building, and it was literally a two minute walk at max. It was on the same block that I was already on. But I couldn't walk in the light, on the wide sidewalks. When I tried walking in the shadows, there were wide access roads that I couldn't bring myself to cross. I tried calling family to ease myself and it didn't work. My phone died and they nearly called the cops, because I had fully accepted to them the possibility of freezing to death outside. I couldn't go anywhere. I sat outside in the cold with only a thin hoodie for an hour. In the moment I'd rather have frozen to death than had to have dealt with my awful agoraphobia and trying to walk through the light.
I'm going to see the doctor again, finally. My last shred of hope that I've been holding onto comes from that appointment.
I'm not even 20 yet. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to live through this absolute hell.