Easterns automotive group

I have been an accountant for my entire life but it only struck me recently that I really need to up my game by working on a different company. With a few exceptions of course. I am studying taxation and its like really hard unless I'm outdoors studying at a local coffee shop. So I have to make ammends by changing my job to anything new. The thought of switching jobs to a new one always made me afraid but it sure did give me confidence to take on bigger projects, like fiscal accounting and tactical taxation issuing. New skills come up and go as I read books, whether it's self help or a novel, it's just really a me thing that I wouldn't really push on others unless they're a fast learner like me.
Aside from having a hard time looking for a job, studying properly for the board exams is also something that's making me really anxious. Like, if you're going to take an exam that's like testing your mental capacity you just have to be like really prepared, which means you have to spend money to study at review centers. This is specially true if you live in an eastern country where education is not the priority unless you're from a popular city. Now Im suffering the consequences of colonialization too, not to mention the global crisis we're living in nowadays. It's just really hard sometimes, thankfully I have a tight knit group of eccentric friends who understand me, also a really lovely girlfriend that shares my attachment style. We're still learning, but what I can say is I can't really force people if they don't want to do it, that's really just how it goes, trust me. Anyhow, I will mail you by yahoo next week after we finish consulting the local manager about new fiscal policies. See ya.

I recently came to terms with and accepted that I was on the ace spectrum, and have since dumped my toxic s.o. (now ex) especially since I experienced a lot of ... trauma that a lot of ace people who used to "consent" begrudgingly would understand.
My s.o. was a cishet man, and I am a panromantic a-spec nonbinary person who passes femininely. Anyway
So now since most straight people have been horrible to me especially since I live in a conservative and very traditional country in Eastern Asia, I started hanging out with LGBT people in order to feel safer and so far it has been better.
But oh God the loneliness. I'm pan but I'm more romantically attracted to feminine-presenting people or women, so I kind of put the Sapphic label on and off. Of course I got involved with the lesbian community here. I mean, I want a girlfriend to hug and watch ghibli movies with, after all. And also talk about my love for girls.
But I hate it here. Oh God. It's not that all these groups (lesbian, gay, bi, straight, etc. or not) are that specific label, it's just that they are so... so toxic for a-specs. The only communities I feel very very comfortable in so far have only been the non-binary or a-spec communities. ;_;
I downloaded a few dating apps because I do crave romance, albeit wanting physical touch to be strictly sensual/platonic at most, and hoo boy. There is just this invisible wall here. I've tried writing "no fwb" or something like that to fend off people who are simply trying to get in my pants.
It has not worked and I was just constantly forced to open up about very private details about my personal repulsion to sex in order to get them to stop harassing me with questions, but at this point I am seriously questioning whether looking for love is worth it at all if I have to open emotional wounds and bring up trauma just to get people to leave me alone in the sex department. Sigh.
Like I know that because of my country essentially being an island (at this point it's easy to guess where it is), I'm probably better off finding the ace-accodomating love I want elsewhere, like in a different country. But I don't want to and can't move. It's very difficult to leave my country of residence, you know? Plus I really really like being able to see friends or romantic partners now and then and have a coffee and see them face to face... :(
Also late night hang-outs with LGBT people have started to become like a chore and I feel so left out. At some point in one of the recent nights out, I remember I became so frustrated at having heard the same old stories about relationship and sex problems that I literally just blurted out "hey, but you don't have to have a person to be whole! I think there's nothing wrong with being single/alone, and I know some people who are now very old but content with being single!"
...to which I received a few cold stares, with one replying, "that's a horribly scary thing to say." Ughhh. I didn't even say it to spite them, I just gave them the advice which I genuinely thought might help, and even mental health Therapists teach you personal power and the importance of being okay on your own (romantic/sexual-wise).
I really don't want to hang out with these people sometimes but they are the only friends I have for now, at least in my area. I hate this. Nowadays I don't even hang out much, I just stay inside alone and play Nintendo games when I'm not working or doing school.
Whatever. This sucks. The only a-spec friends I have are either leaving country to apply for new jobs/universities, or really, really want to be allo and make self-deprecative comments that put down not just themselves but others for being a-spec.
Anyways, I'm learning to be content with being alone for now. I fulfill my social needs by interacting with children as a teacheolder sibling-type figure, talking to the elderly, talking to colleagues pleasantly, being in art/media clubs, going to galleries, etc. Plus I'm trying to get a cat and/or a gecko soon, which is really nice. I might start by having a few low-maintenance organisms in my house like desert plants/marimos/sea monkeys...!
Things will look up..! But it sure as hell is hard being a-spec sometimes.

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