A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Marcus is content to stay inside you after you both orgasm, but when he finally slips out of you, he grabs a warm washcloth to sweetly clean you up so you don’t have to do the awkward walk to the bathroom. When you do get up to pee, he’ll find your panties for you in the sheets at the bottom of the bed, just in case you want to wear them while you sleep. If he’s planning a special evening, he’ll fill up the bath with steaming hot water in advance, and lead you to the tub afterwards for soothing warmth and soft kisses and caresses. He knows he’s big, so he’s always concerned about whether you’re in discomfort after sex, and he’ll offer extra cuddles and soft strokes over your entrance if you’re feeling sore. If you’re at his house, he keeps an extra blanket in his bedroom to throw over you before you fall asleep, because he sleeps warm but knows you get chilly. And of course, he sleep-cuddles with you all night long, making you feel safe and secure.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) First, your hands. He loves holding your hand, playing with it, feeling that connection with you. He is fascinated with how tiny your hands are compared to his, and you love how he holds your hand during mundane everyday moments, like walking to dinner, riding the metro, or simply sitting together on the couch while you read or watch TV. He loves your skin in general, how soft you are, how good you smell. He softly rubs his fingers over you when you cuddle together on his couch, like you are his source of comfort. But he is also a boob man, and nothing gets him going like seeing a glimpse of your cleavage or a taut nipple through thin fabric. The first time he took your bra off, he couldn’t stop holding you in his big hands, thumbing your nipples, suckling your soft skin. If you are going on a special date, you’ll purposefully wear a shirt or dress that shows off your chest, then tease him when he flushes stealing glances at you.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Marcus is all about intimacy, so he loves finishing inside you. At first you used condoms, but after getting tested, you both agreed to go without, and the first time he was able to cum in you without any barrier, he was so turned on by the feeling of filling you with his cum, he got hard again before even pulling out. You love giving him an intimate lingam massage, and at the last moment, when you see him start to pulse, take him into your mouth and swallow as he cums down your throat. He almost passed out the first time he experienced this with you, and now it’s your favorite way to make him feel special. But, for everyday intimacy, he still loves finishing in you and staying inside to savor your tight warmth, gently stroking and kissing all the soft parts of you he can reach.
D = Drunk (what they’re like when they’ve been drinking) Believe it or not, Marcus gets even MORE affectionate when he’s been drinking. If you’re home, he’s pulling you onto his lap and whispering sweet adorations in your ear while his hands stroke your arms and legs and ass. If you’re in public, his hand is running up your leg under the table, and in the backseat of the taxi, he’s slowly making his way up your thigh and teasing you over your panties until you are holding back whimpers, gripping his wrists and closing your eyes in pleasure. He never gets so sloppy drunk he needs help, but he’ll have a few extra drinks if he knows he gets to take you home and make sweet, tipsy love to you for the rest of the night.
E = Emergency Situations (what they’re like in an emergency) I mean, he’s an FBI agent. You’ve never felt safer than when you’re sleeping in his arms. He hates having to bring his gun on dates, but you assure him you understand, and you secretly feel a little better knowing he’s prepared if anything goes south. And he looks hot wearing it. The first time he came to your apartment, he checked your locks and alarms (with your permission) to make sure you were safe. He has some quirks, like never sitting with his back to a doorway, or silently checking out every person who walks in the room, but you understand it’s a part of his training. You feel safe walking with him through the streets of D.C. at night, and you often suggest walking back to either your or his apartment instead of taking the metro or a taxi. You both love these moments together walking hand in hand through the city, sometimes in silence, just enjoying each others’ presence.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) This man loves missionary because it allows him to be close to your sweet face, but there is nothing boring about it. He thinks like both an artist and a cop, so he's going to pay close attention to your moans of pleasure and how your body responds to his touches. He'll take his time stroking and building your desire with his hands and mouth, and then when you are absolutely aching for him, he’ll cage you in his strong biceps and slowly, sweetly, inch by inch, fill you completely, your hands gripping his muscular arms and back as he stretches you. And when he finally starts moving, his big hands stroking your hair and face, he’ll use his tongue to do to your mouth what his cock is doing to you elsewhere, until you lose yourself in pleasure in his arms.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Marcus is definitely more sweet than goofy, but he does like tickling you out of nowhere on the couch or in bed in the mornings, because he knows it leads to more touching and soft kisses and sex. During sex, he is usually too worried about making sure you feel good and safe to joke around too much, but he can laugh when things go wrong, like accidentally leaning on your hair or an awkward position change. Or that time you got a little excited and spilled the red wine sitting on the side table all over the bed. (Oops!)
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Judging by his well-groomed head and facial hair, you guessed he would also be well-groomed below, and you were right. Not bare, but closely trimmed. It made his dick look even bigger. As if he needed it.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Marcus believes intimacy starts long before sex. He’ll cook for you, give you massages, and tell you all the things he loves about your body as he notices them. At first, it’s a little hard for you to accept, because you’re not used to hearing what someone loves about you, but you soon realize he wears his heart on his sleeve, and you learn to appreciate how openly he adores you. You give him compliments, soft touches, head scritches, and splurge on his favorite bakery treats as a way to make him feel loved, too. And by the time you are in bed, the world-shattering orgasms you share are the natural progression of your intimacy.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Marcus would prefer to cum in you, not kleenex, so he doesn’t jack-off very often any more. If its been a while since he’s been able to see you, he’ll gladly engage in mutual Facetime sex with you. It’s especially hot if you’re both in hotel rooms. Oh, and that one time you texted him that picture, and he had to shut his office door and quickly stroke himself to completion so he didn’t walk into his next meeting with an erection.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) You suggested once that Marcus stay in his suit, complete with badge and gun, and slowly undress you, until you were fully nude. You sat on his lap, and being able to hold you naked against him while he remained fully clothed uncovered a slight domination kink he never knew he had. It was still important to him he didn’t hurt you, but you encouraged him to touch and explore you, and by the time he finally took out his cock, you were both on the verge of cumming as soon as he slid into you. He also loves cockwarming, because it satisfies his need for intimacy and closeness. He’ll cuddle in behind you in bed and slide himself inside you, and you love feeling full and warm and safe. Or, sometimes he’ll stay on his back while you sleep on his body, chest to chest, and he’ll put his arms around you while you sleep with his cock buried deep inside you. You especially love when you wake up in the middle of the night to his sleepy moans and the feel of him growing hard inside you.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Definitely his bedroom. He takes pride in having created a bed worth fucking in: high thread count sheets, down pillows, soft, gray-toned bedding, flattering lighting, candles, and a very sturdy headboard. He loves seducing you on the sofa or in the kitchen, then leading you by the hand to his bedroom, and falling into the luxurious bed with you. His side table always has lube, and other sweet, sensual enhancements. And of course, his master bathroom is elegant and warm, with a tray for washcloths next to the sink, and thick, fluffy towels outside the bathtub and glass shower. It’s his favorite place to spend hours and hours with you, and some Sundays, he only gets up to answer the food delivery driver at the front door, or to grab more wine.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Marcus is motivated by love and how much he adores you. He expresses himself through touch and sex, so just spending time with you puts him in the mood. He loves your hair, your eyes, the way you lean into his soft caresses and use his belly or biceps as a warm pillow. When you lovingly scratch his back and stroke his scalp? Forget about it. Instant erection. And whether you are dressed for comfort or for going out, he loves your style and is turned on by the thought of being lucky enough to be with the most beautiful woman in the room. But, don’t even get him started on lingerie. His first erection was seeing a Victoria’s Secret catalog on the kitchen table as a boy, and he’s never gotten over the titillating thrill of lace, satin, and shyly exposed curves. He has a degree in Art History, and definitely has an eye for beauty and sensual experiences. He buys you panties and chemises to keep at his place, and on special occasions, spends all evening fantasizing about what you’re wearing underneath, and just how you’ll disrobe for him later. (You love surprising him with a merry widow, garters, and thigh highs in his favorite color.) In fact, given the chance, he’ll try to convince you to let him undress you before you even have a chance to go out for the night, and just stay in.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Degradation is off the table, as well as anything that hurts you. He’s nervous to leave a mark. And you’ve asked him to explore light choking, but he’s just not there yet.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Marcus is a pleaser, and his love language is ‘touch’, so he prefers to give, and his oral game is off the charts. He starts by kissing and caressing your whole body, so you’re completely warmed up and tingling before he even reaches your center. He loves focusing on you and hearing your moans and sighs of pleasure, and the way you say his name over and over, like a prayer, when you’re close to cumming. You’ve felt like you nearly passed out a few times, just from the intensity of the orgasms he gives you. (And as a bonus, it’s a little easier for his large member to slide in afterwards.) As far as receiving, you’ve finally convinced him you also get turned on when he finishes in your mouth, but what he really loves is the attention you pay to his body: the feel of your hands on his thick thighs, kissing your way down his neck and chest and belly trail, using your hands and mouth together to massage and suck his cock and sensitive head. And if he does come in your mouth, he enjoys the intimacy of you swallowing, if you’re up for it. He especially loves when you slide your thumb firmly up his cock after he finishes, emptying the last bits of cum from him, licking the head to get every last drop. And then gently cleaning him with a washcloth in the warm candlelight. He looks at you with such love in his eyes, and reaches for you, pulling you tightly against him.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) In the dictionary next to ‘slow and sensuous’, there is a picture of Marcus. His preference is to spend hours and hours in bed with you, incorporating soft music, candles, wine, oils, and adoration of your body, bringing you to the edge with his tongue and hands, then plunging you over the edge when he thrusts into you. In fact, sometimes you just want it hard and fast, but it’s foreign to him. Why take 20 minutes when you can take 2 hours? You know to keep your Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings open for Marcus and his love of sensuality.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Marcus likes to make a fuss, so quickies go against everything in his heart. He’ll do it to please you, such as if you only have a little while before dinner, or if you are feeling stressed or in pain and need a release. But he doesn’t really initiate them.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Listen. Marcus is all about risk. It’s why he became an FBI Agent, and why he enjoys the cat-and-mouse game that comes with chasing art thieves. He has never had an idea he didn’t act on, no matter how inappropriate or impetuous. So when it comes to sex, he’s more than willing to introduce some risk, as long as you are not going to be hurt. Sex in the evidence room? Fuck yeah. He’ll teach you about the art while he fingers you next to a priceless statue. Role playing FBI Agent and sexy art thief? Oh yeah, he’s down for that, and knows exactly what to do with you once he catches you. You plan to give him fur-lined handcuffs for his birthday, just so he feels more secure about not hurting you. And you can’t wait.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) The great thing about Marcus Pike is he knows sex is more than just penetration. He usually is good for two rounds before he needs time to recover, but that doesn’t mean you are only going to experience a round or two. When it comes to giving you pleasure and making you feel adored, his stamina is endless. He’s always ready to caress and kiss and stroke you, massage you, feed you sensuous bites of the special meal he’s made for you, and stay awake until you are satiated.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) His side drawer has a few little goodies you never expected, like nipple tingle cream (he loves applying it!), oils for massaging your back, thighs, and ass when you have stressful days, and a heavy feather pillow to put under your hips, raising you into the perfect position to take him as deeply as possible. You recently stashed a silk scarf in the drawer, and he’s open to you trying it on him, this time. Perfect for heightening the lingam massage experience. He’s not opposed to battery toys, but he’ll wait for you to suggest it, because he’s not sure what you’d like, and he wants you to enjoy it.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Marcus wears his heart on his sleeve a little too openly to be a tease, but the exception is when he incorporates his love for art into foreplay by painting your semi-nude portrait. You’ll never forget the first time he showed you his home studio; you had no idea he was an artist, but his talent inspired his art history degree and career, and he softly asks you, while stroking your bare arm with the back of his fingers, if you’d be willing to pose for him. You nod in agreement, swallowing nervously. He chooses what you’re (barely) wearing, and keeps you warm with a heater while he sketches and paints. Every now and then, he’ll stop to just admire you, and when you self-consciously ask him, “What??” he smiles and says, “Just making some decisions, sweetheart.” Or, “Just admiring the most beautiful art I’ve ever seen.” But he won’t let you see the painting until he’s finished, and it takes several sessions. No matter what, he won’t budge. You didn’t know he had it in him to say “No” to you! But when he finally unveils your portrait, it was worth the wait.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Marcus isn’t very loud, but what he lacks in volume, he makes up for with expressive words of adoration and sensuality. He’s usually whispering to you, rather than loudly moaning, but you love his voice in your ear, urging you to orgasm with his words, tongue, and cock. And when he stops talking and uses his mouth to kiss and lick your ear? Instant cum button.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Marcus has been married 3 times. No kids, though.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) He stays in shape running, and is proud of his muscular legs. As he’s gotten older, he has a soft little tummy you love, and both his belly and his broad shoulders are perfect for your head when you’re cuddling on the couch. As far as his cock, he’s above average in both length and girth, so he takes extra care to make sure you are wet and soft before sliding inside you. In fact, after the first time you had sex with him multiple times in one night, you were bleeding a little bit the next morning, just due to how stretched you were inside by his huge erect cock. He felt terrible, but you assured him it didn’t hurt, due to not having many nerve endings up there. But, he is now mindful to ask if you’re okay before starting another round, and you have to assure him it’s always worth it.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) High. Sky high. International Space Station high. He can’t get enough of you. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in a fancy gown, comfy yoga pants and t-shirt, or sexy lingerie: he wants you.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Marcus never falls asleep first, if he can help it. Sometimes when you’ve given him a lingam massage and warm washcloth cleanup, he struggles, and you are quick to whisper in his ear it’s okay to fall asleep, his arms around you, using your breasts he loves so much as his favorite pillow. But usually he stays awake to make sure you’re not shivering from cold or uncomfortable in any way, and only falls asleep when he hears your breathing soften and slow down, and your body relax into his cuddling embrace. Usually the last thing you remember is his soft kiss against your temple. But first to wake up? Always you. Sometimes you wake him up by stroking his hardening cock, sometimes with gentle kisses on his face, and sometimes with soft fingers stroking the fair away from his peacefully sleeping face. He’ll gladly stay awake after you if it means he gets to wake up to your gentle ministrations.

Title	Format	Vendor	Price
10 Cloverfield Lane	4K	Vudu	$7
101 Dalmatians	HD	MA	$4
13 Hours The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi	HD	Vudu	$2
21 Jump Street	SD	MA	$1
3 From Hell	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$4
48 Hours	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$6
A Madea Christmas	HD	Vudu	$0.50
A Quiet Place	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$3
A Very Brady Sequel	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Adventures of TinTin	SD	Vudu	$1
Adventures of TinTin	SD	iTunes	$1
Age of Ultron	HD	MA	$3
Age of Ultron	HD	GP	$2
Aladdin (2019)	HD	MA	$3
Aladdin (2019)	HD	GP	$2
Aladdin (Robin Williams)	HD	Vudu	$4
Amazing Spider-Man (The Amazing Spider-Man)	SD	MA	$0.50
Ambulance	4K	MA	$6.50
American Gangster	4K	MA	$5
American Made	4K	MA	$6
American Psycho	4K	Vudu, iTunes or GP	$5
Annie	SD	MA	$0.75
Another 48 Hours	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$6
Avengers: Age of Ulton	HD	Vudu	$3
Avengers: Age of Ulton	HD	GP	$2
Avengers: End Game	HD	Vudu	$3
Avengers: End Game	4K	MA	$4
Avengers: End Game	HD	GP	$2
Avengers: Infinity Wars	4K	MA	$4
Avengers: Infinity Wars	HD	GP	$2
Batman, The	4K	MA	$5
Beauty and the Beast (1991)	HD	Vudu	$2
Beauty and the Beast (1991)	HD	MA	$3
Beauty and the Beast (1991)	HD	GP	$2
Beauty and the Beast (2017)	HD	Vudu	$3
Beauty and the Beast (2017)	HD	GP	$2
Beauty and the Beast: Enchanted Christmas	HD	MA	$6
Beauty and the Beast: Enchanted Christmas	HD	GP	$4
BFG (Big Friendly Giant)	HD	MA	$3
BFG (Big Friendly Giant)	HD	GP	$2
Big Hero 6	HD	MA	$3
Big Hero 6	HD	GP	$2
Black Panther	4K	Vudu	$5
Black Panther	HD	MA	$3.50
Black Panther	HD	GP	$2.50
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever	HD	MA	$4
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever	HD	GP	$2.50
Black Widow	HD	MA	$4.50
Black Widow	HD	GP	$3
Boss Baby	HD	Vudu	$2
Bourne Legacy	HD	MA	$0.75
Bourne Legacy	HD	iTunes	$0.75
Brady Bunch Movie, The	HD	Vudu	$5
Bram Stoker's Dracula	4K	MA	$5
Brave (3D?)	SD	iTunes	$2
Breaking Bad Season 5 Part 1	HD	Vudu	$5
Bring it on World #CheerSmack	HD	MA	$0.50
Bring it on World #CheerSmack	HD	iTunes	$0.50
Brothers	SD	Vudu	$1
Bullet Train	4K	MA	$5.50
Bumblebee	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Cabin in the Woods	UHD	Vudu	$4
Call of the Wild	HD	MA	$3
Call of the Wild	HD	GP	$2
Call of the Wild	4K	MA	$5
Captain America: Civil War	HD	MA	$3
Captain America: Civil War	HD	GP	$2
Captain Marvel	HD	MA	$3
Captain Marvel	HD	GP	$2
Cars 2	HD	GP	$3
Cars 3	HD	MA	$3
Cars 3	4K	iTunes	$3
Cars 3	HD	GP	$2
Celebrating Mickey	HD	GP	$3
Cinderella (Live Action)	HD	MA	$4
Cinderella (Live Action)	HD	GP	$3
Clerks III	4K	iTunes	$5
Cloverfield	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$6
Coco	4K	iTunes	$5
Coco	HD	GP	$2
Collateral	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Coming to America	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Concussion	SD	MA	$0.50
Cool Hand Luke (1967)	4K	MA	$7
Copshop	HD	MA	$5
Crawl	4K	iTunes or Vudu	$5
Criminal	4K	Vudu	$5
Croods	HD	MA	$3
Croods	HD	iTunes	$3
Cruella	HD	MA	$3
Cruella	HD	GP	$2
Daddy's Home	HD	Vudu	$1.50
Daddy's Home 2	HD	Vudu	$1.50
Daniel Craig 5 Film Collection -- Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, Skyfall, Spectre, No Time to Die	4K	Vudu	$20
Deadpool	HD	MA	$1.50
Deadpool	4K	iTunes	$3
Despicable Me	SD	iTunes	$1
Despicable Me 2	HD	MA	$2
Divergent	SD	Vudu	$0.50
Doctor Strange	HD	MA	$3
Doctor Strange	HD	GP	$2
Doctor Strange: In the Multiverse of Madness	HD	Vudu	$4
Doctor Strange: In the Multiverse of Madness	4K	MA	$5.50
Doctor Strange: In the Multiverse of Madness	HD	GP	$3
Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas	HD	MA	$3
Dragonslayer	4K	Vudu	$5
Dumbo (2019)	HD	MA	$4
Dumbo (2019)	HD	GP	$3
Dune (2021)	4K	MA	$5
E.T. - Extra-Terrestrial	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$4
Edward Scissorhands	HD	MA	$3
Elvis (2022)	4K	MA	$5.50
Emoji Movie	HD	Vudu	$2
Emperor's New Groove, The	HD	MA	$6.75
Emperor's New Groove, The	HD	GP	$6.50
Equalizer	SD	MA	$1
Escape from LA	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$6.75
Eternals	HD	Vudu	$3.50
Eternals	HD	GP	$2.50
Everything Everywhere All at Once	4K	Vudu	$6.50
Expendables 2	SD	iTunes	$0.50
Expendables 2	HD	iTunes	$1
Extreme Prejudice	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$4.50
Fast & Furious 6	HD	MA	$2
Fast and the Furious	HD	Vudu	$2
Finding Dory	HD	iTunes	$4.50
Finding Dory	HD	GP	$2
Fox and the Hound 2	HD	GP	$5
Free Guy	HD	Vudu	$3
Free Guy	HD	GP	$2
Fright Night	4K	MA	$5
Frozen	HD	MA	$3
Frozen	HD	GP	$2
Frozen 2	4K	MA	$4
Frozen 2	HD	GP	$2.25
Frozen Ground	HD	Vudu	$2
Frozen Sing Along	HD	MA	$3
Frozen Sing Along	HD	GP	$2
Furious 7	HD	Vudu	$3
Furious 7	HD	iTunes	$3
Fury	HD	MA	$2.50
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra	SD	iTunes	$1.50
Girls Trip	HD	MA	$0.75
God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness	HD	MA	$1
Godfather Part 2, The	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Godfather Part 3 Coda, The	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Godfather, The	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Gods of Egypt	HD	iTunes	$1
Good Dinosaur	HD	MA	$4
Good Dinosaur	4K	MA	$5
Good Dinosaur	HD	GP	$3
Grease	4K	iTunes or Vudu	$5
Green Mile, The	4K	MA	$6
Guardians of the Galaxy	4K	iTunes	$5
Guardians of the Galaxy	HD	GP	$3
Guardians of the Galaxy v2	4K	iTunes	$5
Guardians of the Galaxy v2	HD	GP	$3
Guilt Trap	HD	Vudu	$2
Hacksaw Ridge	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$2
Hacksaw Ridge	4K	Vudu	$4
Hammer of the Gods	HD	Vudu	$1
Haunting in Connecticut	SD	iTunes	$1.50
Heat	4K	MA	$5
Heavy Metal	4K	MA	$5.50
Heavy Metal 2000	HD	MA	$6.50
Hell or High Water	HD	Vudu	$5
Hercules	HD	Vudu	$6.50
Hercules	HD	GP	$5.50
Here Comes The Boom	SD	MA	$1
Highlander	4K	Vudu	$5.50
Hitchcock	HD	Vudu	$2
Hitchcock	HD	iTunes	$2
Hocus Pocus	HD	MA	$3
Hocus Pocus	HD	GP	$2
Honey 3: Dare to Dance	HD	iTunes	$1
Hotel Transylvania 2	SD	MA	$1
House with a Clock in its Walls (2018)	HD	MA	$4
How to Train Your Dragon 2	HD	MA	$3
Hugo	SD	Vudu	$0.75
Hugo	HD	Vudu	$2
Hugo	SD	iTunes	$0.75
Hugo	HD	iTunes	$2
Hunger Games	SD	Vudu	$0.50
Hunger Games	SD	iTunes	$0.50
Hunger Games: Catching Fire	SD	Vudu, iTunes or GP	$0.50
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1	SD	iTunes	$0.50
Hunt for Red October, The	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5.50
In the Line of Fire	4K	MA	$5.50
Incredibles 2	HD	MA	$3
Incredibles 2	HD	GP	$2
Independence Day: Resurgence	HD	MA	$2
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Inside Out	4K	iTunes	$4
Into the Woods	HD	GP	$2
Iron Man 3	4K	iTunes	$4
Iron Man 3	HD	GP	$2
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back	HD	Vudu	$2
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back	HD	iTunes
Jarhead 3: The Siege	HD	MA	$2
Jason Bourne	HD	iTunes	$2
Jaws	4K	MA	$5
Jigsaw	HD	Vudu	$3
Jungle Book (Live Action) (2016)	4K	iTunes	$4.50
Jungle Book (Live Action) (2016)	HD	GP	$3
Jungle Cruise	HD	MA	$3
Jungle Cruise	HD	GP	$2
Juno	SD	iTunes	$1.50
Jurassic Park	4K	MA	$5
Jurassic World	HD	Vudu	$3
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom	4K	MA	$5
Justin Bieber Never Say Never	SD	iTunes	$1.50
King of Staten Island, The	HD	MA	$4
King's Man, The	4K	MA	$7
Kingsman: Golden Circle	HD	MA	$2
Kingsman: The Golden Circle	HD	MA	$2
Kronk's New Groove	HD	MA	$6.75
Kronk's New Groove	HD	GP	$6.50
La La Land	HD	Vudu	$2
Lady and the Tramp (Signature Collection)	HD	MA	$5
Lady and the Tramp (Signature Collection)	HD	GP	$4
Last Night in Soho	4K	MA	$5.75
Let's Be Cops	HD	MA	$1
Lightyear	HD	Vudu	$3.50
Lilo & Stitch	HD	MA	$4
Lilo & Stitch	HD	GP	$3.50
Lilo & Stitch 2 - Stitch Has a Glitch	HD	MA	$4
Lilo & Stitch 2 - Stitch Has a Glitch	HD	MA	$3.50
Lion King (Animated)	HD	MA	$4.50
Lion King (Animated)	HD	GP	$4.50
Lion King Live Action	4K	MA	$4
Lion King Live Action	HD	GP	$2
Little House on the Prairie Season 4	SD	Vudu	$3
Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea	HD	MA	$7
Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea	HD	GP	$6.75
Little Mermaid, The	HD	MA	$4.50
Little Mermaid, The	HD	GP	$3.50
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Lone Ranger	HD	GP	$2
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Luca	HD	GP	$2
Maleficent	HD	MA	$3
Maleficent	HD	GP	$2
Maleficent 2: Mistress of Evil	HD	GP	$3
Maleficent 2: Mistress of Evil	4K	MA	$5
Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh	HD	MA	$4
Many Saints of Newark	4K	MA	$5.50
Mary Poppins	HD	MA	$3
Mary Poppins	HD	GP	$2.50
Mary Poppins Returns	HD	MA	$4
Mary Poppins Returns	HD	GP	$2.50
Matrix; Resurrections, The	4K	MA	$6
Miss Bala	SD	MA	$3
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children	HD	Vudu	$2
Mission Impossible Fallout	HD	iTunes	$2
Moana	4K	MA	$5.50
Moana	HD	GP	$2
Monster High - Electrified	HD	MA	$0.50
Monster High - Electrified	HD	iTunes	$0.50
Monsters University	HD	GP	$4.25
Mulan (Live Action)	HD	GP	$2
Mulan II	HD	MA	$5
Mulan II	HD	GP	$4
Mulan Live Action	4K	MA	$4
Mummy Tomb of the Dragon	HD	MA	$3
Neighbors	HD	iTunes	$2
Nightmare Before Christmas	HD	GP	$3.50
Norm of the North	HD	Vudu	$2
Northman, The	4K	MA	$6
Now You See Me	HD	Vudu	$2
Nurse Jackie Season 7	HD	Vudu	$3.50
Onward	HD	MA	$3
Onward	HD	GP	$2
Operation Fortune: Ruse De Guerre	4K	Vudu	$8
Oz the Great and Powerful	HD	MA	$3
Oz the Great and Powerful	HD	GP	$2
Perks of Being a Wallflower	SD	Vudu	$0.50
Perks of Being a Wallflower	HD	Vudu	$1
Perks of Being a Wallflower	SD	iTunes	$0.50
Perks of Being a Wallflower	HD	iTunes	$1
Peter Pan	HD	MA	$5
Peter Pan	HD	GP	$4
Pinocchio	HD	GP	$4
Pirate Fairy, The	HD	MA	$3
Pirate Fairy, The	HD	GP	$2
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales	HD	MA	$3
Pitch Perfect	HD	MA	$1
Pitch Perfect	HD	iTunes	$1
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Planes	HD	MA	$4
Planes	HD	GP	$2
Planes: Fire & Rescue	HD	MA	$4
Planes: Fire & Rescue	HD	GP	$2
Pocahontas	HD	MA	$5
Pocahontas	HD	GP	$4
Pocahontas 2	HD	MA	$5
Pocahontas 2	HD	GP	$4
Poltergeist	4K	MA	$5.50
Power Rangers	HD	Vudu	$2
Power Rangers	HD	iTunes	$2
Pride & Prejudice (2005)	HD	iTunes	$2
Pulp Fiction	4K	iTunes or Vudu	$5
Raiders of the Lost Ark	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Ralph Breaks the Internet	HD	Vudu	$3
Ralph Breaks the Internet	4K	MA	$5
Ralph Breaks the Internet	HD	GP	$2
Raya and the Last Dragon	HD	MA	$4
Raya and the Last Dragon	HD	GP	$3
Red	4K	Vudu	$4.50
Red 2	4K	Vudu	$4.50
Redemption	HD	Vudu	$1
Rescuers	HD	Vudu	$6
Rescuers	HD	GP	$4
Rescuers Down Under	HD	Vudu	$6
Reservoir Dogs	4K	iTunes or Vudu	$6
Resident Evil: Retribution	HD	MA	$5.50
Resident Evil: Welcome to Racoon City	4K	MA	$6.50
Robin Hood	HD	MA	$5
Robin Hood	HD	GP	$3
Rocky	4K	Vudu	$5
Rogue	HD	Vudu	$2
Rogue One	HD	Vudu	$3
Rogue Wars: Star Wars Story	HD	MA	$3
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Ron's Gone Wrong	HD	MA	$3.00
Safe	SD	iTunes	$0.50
Santa Clause 2, The	HD	MA	$4.50
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Santa Clause 3, The Escape Clause	HD	MA	$4.50
Santa Clause 3, The Escape Clause	HD	GP	$3
Santa Clause, The	HD	MA	$4.50
Santa Clause, The	HD	GP	$3
Saving Mr. Banks	HD	MA	$4
Saving Mr. Banks	HD	GP	$3
Schindler's List	HD	Vudu	$4
Scream	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Scream 2	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Secret Life of Pets	HD	MA or Vudu	$2
Selma	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$3
Show Dogs (2018)	HD	MA	$3
Shutter Island	4K	Vudu	$6
Sicario	HD	iTunes	$1
Sicario	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Sicario: Day of the Soldado	4K	MA	$5
Sing	HD	MA	$2
Sing	HD	iTunes	$2
Sinister	HD	iTunes	$2
Sleeping Beauty	HD	MA	$4
Sleeping Beauty	HD	GP	$3
Smokin' Aces	4K	MA	$6
Snow White	HD	GP	$4
Snow White and the Huntsman	HD	MA	$1
Soul	HD	Vudu	$3
Soul	HD	MA	$3
Soul	HD	GP	$2
Speed	4K	MA	$5
Spiderman Homecoming	HD	MA	$3
Spiderman: Far From Home	HD	MA	$3.50
Spiderman: Homecoming	HD	MA	$3.50
Spiderman: No Way Home	4K	MA	$3.50
Spies in Disguise	HD	GP	$2
Split	HD	MA	$3
Star Trek Beyond	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$3
Star Trek: Into Darkness	SD	Vudu or iTunes	$0.50
Star Trek: Into Darkness	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$1
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Star Wars: Last Jedi	HD	MA	$3
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Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker	4K	MA	$4
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Star Wars: Rogue One	HD	MA	$3
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Step Up: All In	HD	Vudu or GP	$2
Strange World	HD	GP	$3
Strike Back Season 5	HD	iTunes	$4
Stuber	4K	MA	$5.50
Super Buddies	HD	MA	$3
Super Buddies	HD	GP	$2
Super Troopers 2	HD	MA	$4
Superfly	HD	MA	$3
Sword in the Stone	HD	MA	$5
Taken 2	HD	MA	$3
Tangled	HD	MA	$5
Tangled	SD	iTunes	$2
Tangled	HD	GP	$4.50
Ted	HD	MA	$1
Ted	HD	iTunes	$1
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$3
Terminator Dark Fate	HD	Vudu	$2
Terminator Dark Fate	HD	iTunes	$2
The Bad News Bears (1976)	HD	Vudu	$4
The Captive	HD	Vudu	$2
The Following Season 1	HD	Vudu	$3
The Hitman's Bodyguard & Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard 2 Film Collection	4K	Vudu	$10
The Last Stand	SD	iTunes	$0.50
The Last Witch Hunter	SD	Vudu	$1
The Lost Boys	4K	MA	$6
The Mummy	4K	iTunes	$5
The Mummy (Tom Cruise) (2017)	4K	MA	$5
The Protégé	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5.75
The Purge	HD	MA	$3
The Smurfs 2	SD	MA	$1
The Spectacular Now	SD	Vudu	$1
The Women in Black	HD	MA	$2
Thor: Dark World, The	HD	MA	$3
Thor: Dark World, The	HD	GP	$2
Thor: Love & Thunder	HD	MA	$4
Thor: Love & Thunder	4K	MA	$5
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Thor: Ragnarok	HD	MA	$3
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TMNT	HD	Vudu	$1.50
TMNT Out of the Shadows	HD	iTunes	$2
Tomorrowland	HD	MA	$3
Tomorrowland	HD	GP	$2
Top Gun: Maverick	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5.50
Toy Story 3	HD	GP	$3
Toy Story 4	4K	MA	$5
Toy Story 4	HD	GP	$3
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Transformers: Age of Extinction	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$1.50
Trolls	HD	MA	$2
True Blood Season 4	HD	GP	$1
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Turning Red	HD	GP	$3
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Tyler Perry's Witness Protection	HD	Vudu	$2
Untouchables, The	4K	iTunes or Vudu	$6
Venom	HD	MA	$3
Walking Dead Season 4	HD	Vudu	$6.50
War for the Planet of the Apes	HD	MA	$2
Warm Bodies	SD	Vudu, iTunes or GP	$0.50
West Side Story	HD	Vudu	$2
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What Happens in Vegas	SD	iTunes	$1
Wind River	HD	Vudu or iTunes	$5
Winnie the Pooh: Springtime with Roo	HD	MA	$4.50
Wolf of Wall Street	4K	Vudu or iTunes	$5
X-Men: Wolverine	SD	iTunes	$1
Zootopia	HD	MA	$4
Zootopia	HD	GP	$3

Bonjour, je ne connais pas encore très bien Reddit donc j’espère que ce post ne sera pas hors-sujet.
Pour vous expliquer un peu ma situation, en octobre 2021 j’ai porté plainte contre un ex-conjoint pour des faits d’agression sexuelle. Je n’ai aucune information concernant l’avancée de ma plainte, si ce n’est qu’elle serait en train d’être étudiée par le tribunal. Mon ex et sa nouvelle petite-amie ont été prévenus et n’ont pas du tout apprécié, donc s’en est suivie une vague de (cyber)harcèlement sur un peu plus d’un an, où j’ai subi des insultes, divulgation d’informations personnelles sur les réseaux sociaux, menaces de revenge porn, vol de mon animal de compagnie, et tout un tas d’autres choses. J’ai donc porté plainte une deuxième fois, mais cette fois-ci contre la petite-amie, en septembre 2022. En dehors des réseaux sociaux je n’avais plus de nouvelles d’eux, mais depuis quelques mois ils commencent à fréquenter les mêmes endroits et les mêmes personnes que moi. Je ne me sens plus en sécurité dans la plupart des endroits où je vais, et j’ai déjà dû déménager et quitter la faculté où j’étudiais et ça impacterait trop ma santé mentale de devoir subir de nouveaux changements juste pour me protéger (donc j’aimerai éviter le plus possible de devoir quitter ce que j’ai juste pour m’éloigner d’eux). Est-ce que j’ai la possibilité de demander une mesure d’éloignement ? Où est-ce qu’on ne va pas me prendre au sérieux, d’autant plus que je n’ai pas eu de nouvelles en ce qui concerne mes plaintes ?
Merci d’avance pour votre aide !

My son is verbal, “level 2,” and potty trained for the daytime. Nighttime and nap time are a struggle for toileting. He will NOT tell us when he needs to go to the bathroom at night or during nap time. He won’t open the door or call for us when he’s had an accident in bed or in his pull-up. He will tell us when he needs to go during the day (though he only will tell a few preferred adults including me, his mom.)
We put a call button in his bedroom and mounted it to the bed frame. I taped a picture of a toilet on the button and we’ve been practicing pushing it during the day before he goes to the bathroom. It’s been a week so far and he’s at the point where he’ll press it to alert us when he needs to pee maybe 50% of the time. He won’t tell us when he needs to poop. In fact, he’s started playing with his poop and throwing it all over the room. He’s anxious about pooping on the toilet still. He’s been daytime trained since October 2022, but I know he still prefers to poop in the bed vs the toilet. He holds his bowel movements during the day as much as possible basically until he can get him his bed. I’ve tried giving him sensory toys while he’s sitting on the potty to calm his nerves. It’s helped a little.
We’ve done so much laundry this week, talked to all of his therapists and I’m tempted to just give up. It feels impossible to night-train him. Any advice or words of encouragement?

One of the things I genuinely cannot fathom at times, is how deadly of a chokehold a job can have over a human's life. For all intents and purposes, a job holds so much sway over the basic life functions of a human, that loss or removal of said job is condemnation of said life and ability to live.
It vexes and beguiles me that the basic overarching requirement for life is based on chance and luck. (I.E. jobs give you shelter, food, clothing, etc.)
If we in essence, are denied the ability to work via a hostile, venomous and greedy job market, then it comes quite close in juxtaposition to being denied your basic essentials for living. And many would rather die than live in poverty.
A couple of examples of this are in Canada of all places, where some are chosing Medically Assisted death over being poor.
(https://www.insider.com/woman-with-disabilities-pursues-medically-assisted-death-2022-5)
(https://dailycaller.com/2022/11/17/man-no-longer-considering-medically-assisted-suicide-over-poverty-issues-after-outpour-support-canada/)
What madness have we been brought to where this is an option? Where unless you somehow come prepackaged with years of ironically unattainable experience and training on impossible laundry lists doled out by an unsymapthetic hiring market, your only option is poverty, or in Canada's case- Death?
Not only has it become nigh impossible to seek out one's dreams of say, a house, or family, or a personal project- but this is an ersatz façade just opaque enough to disguise it from being a direct denial of the things you need to live. Worse yet, those who seek it are reviled, bullied, condemned and chided. In some circumstances, treated like children and done so by friend, family, hiring manager, HR and recruiter alike.
You don't have to go far to find these stories- or your kin for that matter. Reddit has an excellent source of the pain caused by a system that baffles and ridicules it's users. recruitinghell has an excellent cache of stories concerning the absolute degridation and lack of decorum presented.
It has been and will always be my thought that something must change. The transparent need for change is dire- and globally so. Because if we can't obtain our basic needs as humans through honest labour, if we can't strive for better, then in a very horrific sense, the aforementioned idea of death being preferable to a pointless existence where one cannot improve their situation becomes logical. and it should NEVER be that way for anyone.

Race Information

• Name: Coeur d'Alene Marathon
• Date: May 28th 2023
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Coeur d'Alene Idaho
• Website: https://runsignup.com/Race/ID/CoeurDAlene/nsplit
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/9158648279/overview
• Time: 3:58:17 (chip time)

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 4:00:00	Yes
B	Finish	Yes

Splits

Mile	Time
1	9:01
2	8:58
3	9:00
4	8:40
5	8:47
6	9:05
7	8:38
8	8:52
9	8:51
10	9:16
11	8:38
12	9:39
13	8:35
14	8:53
15	9:00
16	9:11
17	9:10
18	9:14
19	9:13
20	9:06
21	9:28
22	9:10
23	9:28
24	9:34
25	9:15
26	9:15
27	9:36 (pace)

Background

Feel free to skip this section if you don't want to read my sappy stuff.
I began running in March of 2022. In December of 2021 I was in the ER for what I thought was quite possibly a heart attack, luckily that was not the case! It did open my eyes to my health though and my wife and I began seeing a personal trainer, and a few short months later I fell in love with running. I really began this journey because I have two young daughters (7 and 2 currently) and the thought of continuing to ignore my own health seemed extremely selfish as it could lead them down a similar lifestyle path, or without a dad earlier than they deserve, ultimately I want to be on this earth as long as I can for my kids.
I live in Spokane Washington which hosts Bloomsday, one of the biggest races in the world (4th in the US and 12th in the world I believe), so running Bloomsday became my goal. Since I started in March I didn't have much time to train so just finishing the virtual was my main goal, once I completed that I was hooked. I signed up for my first 10k (The Coeur d'Alene Marathon 10k nonetheless) and set my goal to finish in 1 hour. I missed that goal by 1 minute and 1 second! After that I kept training working further and faster through reading tons of posts here and following mostly LSD training methods. I made my goal to qualify for a Bloomsday "yellow bib" by 2023 in any race I could (essentially a 9:40 pace or better in any race 5 miles or more).
I ran many 5k races in the subsequent months while deciding to begin training for my first half marathon in October of that year. I followed Hal Higdon's beginner half marathon training plan, and low and behold I finished my first half in October of 2022, and under 2 hours which qualified me for my Bloomsday "yellow bib" for 2023 which I ran with a pace of 7:45/min last month! (a lot better than my 9:40 goal from the previous years, I thank my marathon training for that really).
During all of this I have lost 50lbs, and am resting solidly in a "normal" BMI range.

Training

Due to my success with Hal Higdon before I opted for the Intermediate Marathon plan. I followed it pretty dang closely with a few moved or missed runs due to vacation and other races.
I knew CDA was hilly at around 1,300 ft of total gain and fall so I trained on lots of hills, luckily leaving my house in any direction is immediately met by hills, it just depends on how severe you want them to be. I also genuinely enjoy running hills, call me weird. Ther is a 800ft total elevation gain 8 mile route I take quite often near my house.
That was until 3 weeks ago Saturday. The day before Bloomsday I was getting my daughters some food and stubbed my toe on a bag of dog food...lol. I immediately knew I had broken and/or dislocated it because it didn't feel correct. If you have ever broken or dislocated a bone you know what I mean. I looked down and sure enough 4 of my toes we facing south like the rest of my body, and my left pinky toe was facing south-east. I put it back in it's place and headed to urgent care where xrays showed it was indeed broken. The doctor I saw advised me to skip Bloomsday and maybe even the marathon but he said "my wife is a marathon runner, 3x Boston runner, so I know you wont listen to me...just please listen to your body."
I decided to do Bloomsday the next day and use that for my basis on whether or not I would do the marathon. Luckily I had next to no pain during Bloomsday so I decided to do an extra extra hard and long taper and go for the marathon as well.
The last three weeks of my training consisted of no running for a week, 7 miles the next week, and 9 miles the week of the marathon. The goal being to just let my toe heal as best I could.

Pre-race

The week leading up to the race I began eating more carbs and attempting to drink more water (which I am notoriously bad at still), I did one medium length run, and two super short pace runs just to get my legs feeling right since it had been few weeks since I did any serious running.
The night before we ate a pasta dinner and I attempted to go to bed early.
As life would have it my oldest daughter was coughing all through the night, which would wake my younger daughter up causing her to cry, my wife tried to do the best she could to quickly calm them, but this was an all-night ordeal and unfortunately I only ended up with about 5.5 hours of decent sleep total.
I woke up at 4:30, had a shot of coffee with a glass of water, and a couple of honey stinger waffles with some peanut butter before getting ready and making the 40 min drive to CDA.
Once arriving I used the restrooms one last time, checked my bag, and headed to the starting gate to find the 4:00 pacer.

Race

My goal was to stay near the 4:00 pace runner for the first half, then negative split my way to just under 4:00 hours. This didn't work at all for me, although in retrospect it probably still would have worked about the same given my finish time. I stayed somewhat close for the first 3 miles, but once we started hitting hills I was able to keep my pace fairly consistent with little rise in HR or effort, like I said I love hills.
I honestly felt freaking fantastic for the first 15 miles, and don't have much to say, I was fairly consistent with my pace given the constant ups and downs, around mile 12 though I did cost myself 1 minute by stopping to pee, but you gotta do what you gotta do right. With the first half behind me it meant the three steepest climbs were too, and it was mostly jut rolling hills until mile 21ish.
Around mile 16 is when I started to really notice it getting tougher to keep a steady pace and I had to actually "work harder" to stay at a desired pace instead of running comfortably. The sun popped out for a couple of miles around this time too, but luckily dipped back behind the clouds. Again not really a whole lot to say from mile 16 to 22 either, I could definite tell I had to try harder, but I was still going strong, just a little slower.
Around mile 21/22 is when the last decent rise in elevation came and that's when I really had to start pushing, my mind started telling me "hey man, based on your pace you could slow it down to 10min/mile and happily finish right at 4:00:00." I tried to argue with myself "good call, after this mile we'll slow it down then." But I would tell myself this after each mile to try to keep going.
I remember a reading about dedicating the last handful of miles to people in your life to keep yourself pushing so I decided to do this, mile 23 I dedicated to my dogs, mile 24 my wife (yes it was slower than my dogs, but there was a bit more hilliness okay!! And mile 23 was mostly down hill). Mile 25 was for my older daughter, and 26 was for my younger daughter (notice how they had the exact same pace, no favorites here). Once I hit mile 26 I was back in the park where the finish line was, I passed my boss who was cheering me on (she ran the half), and a short distance later I saw my wife and girls which elated me greatly and helped with the last push through the gate. My oldest daughter ran along the grass with me til the finish, and my youngest tried which was a great feeling to finish with.

Post-race

After I crossed the line I snagged my medal and immediate went to get a banana, Gatorade, and a slice of pizza. Over the course of the last year of running, I have found I need to eat immediately after finishing or I get terrible GI issues and the wrong kind of runs. I found my wife and kids we took pictures, I snagged a second slice of pizza and got my bag so we could go. Little did I know my wife wanted lunch, so we went to a little restaurant on the lake and got fish and chips, then walked to get icecream for the mall near by. Ultimately I was okay with this because walking felt better than sitting or standing still anyway. I made the drive back home (we took separate cars), took my socks and KT tape off for the first time to see an angry angry blood blister on the inside edge of my right foot (luckily not under my foot so not an issue, I am used to blisters on my right foot though...never get them on my left) I did some foam rolling and took a super hot shower, and here I am now writing this and deciding what I want for dinner.
I told my wife before this started if I hit my 4 hour goal I would take a 2 year break from marathons and focus on halves...but I mean...I am already looking into fun ones in 2024...I gotta shoot for 3:45 or better now right?
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

Race Information

• Name: Coeur d'Alene Marathon
• Date: May 28th 2023
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Coeur d'Alene Idaho
• Website: https://runsignup.com/Race/ID/CoeurDAlene/nsplit
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/9158648279/overview
• Time: 3:58:17 (chip time)

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 4:00:00	Yes
B	Finish	Yes

Splits

Mile	Time
1	9:01
2	8:58
3	9:00
4	8:40
5	8:47
6	9:05
7	8:38
8	8:52
9	8:51
10	9:16
11	8:38
12	9:39
13	8:35
14	8:53
15	9:00
16	9:11
17	9:10
18	9:14
19	9:13
20	9:06
21	9:28
22	9:10
23	9:28
24	9:34
25	9:15
26	9:15
27	9:36 (pace)

Background

Feel free to skip this section if you don't want to read my sappy stuff.
I began running in March of 2022. In December of 2021 I was in the ER for what I thought was quite possibly a heart attack, luckily that was not the case! It did open my eyes to my health though and my wife and I began seeing a personal trainer, and a few short months later I fell in love with running. I really began this journey because I have two young daughters (7 and 2 currently) and the thought of continuing to ignore my own health seemed extremely selfish as it could lead them down a similar lifestyle path, or without a dad earlier than they deserve, ultimately I want to be on this earth as long as I can for my kids.
I live in Spokane Washington which hosts Bloomsday, one of the biggest races in the world (4th in the US and 12th in the world I believe), so running Bloomsday became my goal. Since I started in March I didn't have much time to train so just finishing the virtual was my main goal, once I completed that I was hooked. I signed up for my first 10k (The Coeur d'Alene Marathon 10k nonetheless) and set my goal to finish in 1 hour. I missed that goal by 1 minute and 1 second! After that I kept training working further and faster through reading tons of posts here and following mostly LSD training methods. I made my goal to qualify for a Bloomsday "yellow bib" by 2023 in any race I could (essentially a 9:40 pace or better in any race 5 miles or more).
I ran many 5k races in the subsequent months while deciding to begin training for my first half marathon in October of that year. I followed Hal Higdon's beginner half marathon training plan, and low and behold I finished my first half in October of 2022, and under 2 hours which qualified me for my Bloomsday "yellow bib" for 2023 which I ran with a pace of 7:45/min last month! (a lot better than my 9:40 goal from the previous years, I thank my marathon training for that really).
During all of this I have lost 50lbs, and am resting solidly in a "normal" BMI range.

Training

Due to my success with Hal Higdon before I opted for the Intermediate Marathon plan. I followed it pretty dang closely with a few moved or missed runs due to vacation and other races.
I knew CDA was hilly at around 1,300 ft of total gain and fall so I trained on lots of hills, luckily leaving my house in any direction is immediately met by hills, it just depends on how severe you want them to be. I also genuinely enjoy running hills, call me weird. Ther is a 800ft total elevation gain 8 mile route I take quite often near my house.
That was until 3 weeks ago Saturday. The day before Bloomsday I was getting my daughters some food and stubbed my toe on a bag of dog food...lol. I immediately knew I had broken and/or dislocated it because it didn't feel correct. If you have ever broken or dislocated a bone you know what I mean. I looked down and sure enough 4 of my toes we facing south like the rest of my body, and my left pinky toe was facing south-east. I put it back in it's place and headed to urgent care where xrays showed it was indeed broken. The doctor I saw advised me to skip Bloomsday and maybe even the marathon but he said "my wife is a marathon runner, 3x Boston runner, so I know you wont listen to me...just please listen to your body."
I decided to do Bloomsday the next day and use that for my basis on whether or not I would do the marathon. Luckily I had next to no pain during Bloomsday so I decided to do an extra extra hard and long taper and go for the marathon as well.
The last three weeks of my training consisted of no running for a week, 7 miles the next week, and 9 miles the week of the marathon. The goal being to just let my toe heal as best I could.

Pre-race

The week leading up to the race I began eating more carbs and attempting to drink more water (which I am notoriously bad at still), I did one medium length run, and two super short pace runs just to get my legs feeling right since it had been few weeks since I did any serious running.
The night before we ate a pasta dinner and I attempted to go to bed early.
As life would have it my oldest daughter was coughing all through the night, which would wake my younger daughter up causing her to cry, my wife tried to do the best she could to quickly calm them, but this was an all-night ordeal and unfortunately I only ended up with about 5.5 hours of decent sleep total.
I woke up at 4:30, had a shot of coffee with a glass of water, and a couple of honey stinger waffles with some peanut butter before getting ready and making the 40 min drive to CDA.
Once arriving I used the restrooms one last time, checked my bag, and headed to the starting gate to find the 4:00 pacer.

Race

My goal was to stay near the 4:00 pace runner for the first half, then negative split my way to just under 4:00 hours. This didn't work at all for me, although in retrospect it probably still would have worked about the same given my finish time. I stayed somewhat close for the first 3 miles, but once we started hitting hills I was able to keep my pace fairly consistent with little rise in HR or effort, like I said I love hills.
I honestly felt freaking fantastic for the first 15 miles, and don't have much to say, I was fairly consistent with my pace given the constant ups and downs, around mile 12 though I did cost myself 1 minute by stopping to pee, but you gotta do what you gotta do right. With the first half behind me it meant the three steepest climbs were too, and it was mostly jut rolling hills until mile 21ish.
Around mile 16 is when I started to really notice it getting tougher to keep a steady pace and I had to actually "work harder" to stay at a desired pace instead of running comfortably. The sun popped out for a couple of miles around this time too, but luckily dipped back behind the clouds. Again not really a whole lot to say from mile 16 to 22 either, I could definite tell I had to try harder, but I was still going strong, just a little slower.
Around mile 21/22 is when the last decent rise in elevation came and that's when I really had to start pushing, my mind started telling me "hey man, based on your pace you could slow it down to 10min/mile and happily finish right at 4:00:00." I tried to argue with myself "good call, after this mile we'll slow it down then." But I would tell myself this after each mile to try to keep going.
I remember a reading about dedicating the last handful of miles to people in your life to keep yourself pushing so I decided to do this, mile 23 I dedicated to my dogs, mile 24 my wife (yes it was slower than my dogs, but there was a bit more hilliness okay!! And mile 23 was mostly down hill). Mile 25 was for my older daughter, and 26 was for my younger daughter (notice how they had the exact same pace, no favorites here). Once I hit mile 26 I was back in the park where the finish line was, I passed my boss who was cheering me on (she ran the half), and a short distance later I saw my wife and girls which elated me greatly and helped with the last push through the gate. My oldest daughter ran along the grass with me til the finish, and my youngest tried which was a great feeling to finish with.

Post-race

After I crossed the line I snagged my medal and immediate went to get a banana, Gatorade, and a slice of pizza. Over the course of the last year of running, I have found I need to eat immediately after finishing or I get terrible GI issues and the wrong kind of runs. I found my wife and kids we took pictures, I snagged a second slice of pizza and got my bag so we could go. Little did I know my wife wanted lunch, so we went to a little restaurant on the lake and got fish and chips, then walked to get icecream for the mall near by. Ultimately I was okay with this because walking felt better than sitting or standing still anyway. I made the drive back home (we took separate cars), took my socks and KT tape off for the first time to see an angry angry blood blister on the inside edge of my right foot (luckily not under my foot so not an issue, I am used to blisters on my right foot though...never get them on my left) I did some foam rolling and took a super hot shower, and here I am now writing this and deciding what I want for dinner.
I told my wife before this started if I hit my 4 hour goal I would take a 2 year break from marathons and focus on halves...but I mean...I am already looking into fun ones in 2024...I gotta shoot for 3:45 or better now right?
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

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My 13 year old (14 in August) has been riding since she was 5/6. You might say this is all my fault. I brought her to her first lead line lesson - in pajama pants, t-shirt, and tennis shoes - looking for a good summer camp option. She was smitten immediately (which I already guessed might happen - she had been way too into the farmer's market pony rides since the earliest time she could sit up by herself), and so we kept at it. Within a few weeks she had the right gear, etc., and was doing multiple riding lessons at a really good local barn.
In case context is helpful, I'm not a "horse" person and we're definitely suburban types. So I didn't bring tons of personal experience to my daughter's riding. I loved that it was so positive for her. She was taking care of the horses, loved being in the tack rooms, wanted to do everything she could to help care for and maintain all of the ponies and horses and their gear that she could. She became, and remains, a real barn rat.
There's also the backdrop of our personal situation. I've been a single dad since she was 2, and riding quickly became an oasis of stability for my daughter as she dealt with the idea from her first real awareness that her parents were divorced. No real drama with her mom beyond the fact that as divorced co-parents its not always easy on us, but still for my daughter our 50/50 split has meant that she's moving around quite a bit and of course being a child of divorce is hard.
But riding? It was, and is, hers. Regardless of her circumstances, riding was hers. Which becomes a kicker part of our story.
We've had some of the classic, unfortunate riding moments. My daughter's first barn moved, so we tried a pony lesson with the barn where they co-located - literally using the same arenas and trainers, just a different program with different horses - and she was thrown and broke her wrist during her first lesson. We spent a year away and then I tried another barn, where she got stepped on the first time she was there. Not awful - bloodied toe and a nail that came off, but another delay in riding.
Riding has also been expensive for me. We're not loaded, and it's been a stretch - and a mighty stretch at times - to maintain it for my daughter. But it's been such a positive for her, I've made the commitment. So after her wrist and toe, I found another barn option for her that she tentatively agreed to try out.
One thing as a parent and, even worse I think, as a horse dad with almost no prior experience in the horse world, folks don't really prepare you for what's ahead on the horse journey. Maybe it's already out there, but someone should start a horse blog for non-horse experienced parents as they start their children on their riding journey. There's so much to know in terms of how barns work, what different programs prioritize, how to be in touch with trainers, what costs will look like...everything!
We got to my daughter's new barn just as the early days of COVID were hitting. The new facility was mostly outdoors and was located on a property with over 100 acres, which meant that riding was not just in arenas and there were no COVID concerns since everything was outdoors anyway. There were essentially protected trail rides the girls could take, and getting your horse required a 20 minute walk up to the pastures because all of the horses were kept in pastured herds full time. After getting over her initial hesitations from her earlier injuries, my daughter was all in.
We were lucky to avoid the health and other disastrous effects of the pandemic, which I sadly recognize really affected so many others. Because of that, COVID actually became this very beautiful time for us. My daughter was home during the school days and then we would drive an hour each way to this new barn. My daughter could easily spend 4-6 hours there, so I would spend that time walking the property (trying to get into better shape. It only kinda worked) and doing work calls. My daughter immersed herself into this new barn life, riding/taking care of horses, being with other new riding friends, trying out their pony club. And we had all of this great car time going to and from. This is probably ages 8/9 - 10 for her.
While there, my daughter started riding a lesson pony that had been bred on property. She was a young mare with lots of personality and a little off-putting temperament. She was definitely not a push button pony. But she became a good match for my daughter. My daughter had to become a better rider to get her pony to do what she needed to do, and her pony had all the go that my daughter required. Arena lessons, a couple of schooling shows, jumping, dressage work, trail and beach rides, that sweet pony was up for anything with my daughter even though she never lost her essential mareness, if that makes sense. But my daughter was up for it, and having to work with a pony that definitely had her own personality made her a better rider. So, dad buys his daughter a pony for Christmas 2020. I've never had a happier moment as a parent than my daughter realizing that her lesson pony had become her own.
In late 2020 I also had the chance to buy a house that is literally across the street from another barn. It didn't occur to me as we were buying the house, but as soon as I realized my daughter could walk to her horse rather than drive an hour it became really attractive to think about bringing her pony to the new barn. So we did it, and I got another huge lesson as a horse dad. Moving barns is very emotional. But my daughter supported it, and suddenly was literally 2 minutes from her bedroom door to her pony stall. New trainer, new folks to ride with, and she was there every day. She would leave and come back 6 hours later.
Things were great all of 2021 and into the first half of 2022, but nobody tells you this other key thing about your daughter. They keep growing. So by mid-2022, a year and a half after buying her pony, two years after she started riding her, my daughter's trainer (this trainer at the barn across the street) said that it really would make sense to think about getting a horse. My daughter's pony was 13.2 and her legs were simply too long.
We started searching and pretty soon found a beautiful palomino gelding, 16.3, 14 years old, dutch warmblood. The perfect change for my daughter - physically more challenging to ride, but what a wonderful guy. He's been around a bit and needs maintenance for arthritis, but he's really versatile, incredibly sweet, and immediately became a member of the family. Since my daughter isn't doing hardcore training, her new horse can become horse for life, I hope. A wonderful match.
So now I had a horse and a pony in the barn across the street from our house. Our sweet pony was immediately left out since my daughter had to focus her work and effort on learning her new horse. She would ride her, but it wasn't the same training regime any longer. So, consulting with my daughter and her trainer, we decided to return her to the barn we got her from, the place where she was initially bred. She could be reunited with her former trainer, be in pasture, participate in their lesson programs and, ultimately, likely be sold to another owner if we couldn't find anybody to lease her.
My daughter supported that shift and we had the pony at the new (old) barn for the next 9 months. She was in lesson programs, was on a short term lease for a bit, but no takers for purchase. Interestingly, and importantly, over that nine months we never made it over to visit. The pony was in good hands and my daughter was immersed in her training program with her new horse. Moreover, we had moved barns with the horse, too, to find a traineprogram that was a better fit for the new horse's capabilities. So my daughter was learning a new horse, trainer, program and barn while her pony was happily in another stable/barn environment. My daughter is still at her new barn.
Last week I got the big news from the trainer with our pony - someone was coming out with a serious interest in buying her. I was really happy. It has been way more expensive maintaining two horses than I anticipated, and with my daughter not getting to see her pony for 9 months I also felt like maybe the connection had waned a bit. By the end of the week it was done - the new owner had come with payment for the pony and signed paperwork. We had succeeded in selling my daughter's pony to a sweet new home.
So we just needed to go back up to the barn one last time to pick up the paperwork, thank the trainer, and say good-bye to our sweet pony. The barn where the pony is housed is 20 minutes from the barn where my daughter works with her new horse and trainer, so it made sense to visit her pony on the way to her horse lesson. We got up early - our plan was to meet the pony's trainer at 8:30 AM on a weekend and then head to her horse lesson.
When we got to the barn, it was a beautiful, misty morning. Kind of odd weather for May. And there was my daughter's pony, up on the hill above the barn and stables, in pasture with the other horses in her herd. She was probably 400 yards or so - maybe a bit more - from where we parked. Looking up at her, the pony was almost a tiny animal in a framed pastoral picture. A bit of a spec on a green pasture hillside.
We stopped to chat with the trainer and then my daughter went to go say good-bye to her pony. I watched with the trainer as she headed off, getting smaller and smaller, soon a spec herself set against a gorgeous pasture backdrop. I had seen her head up that hill so many times during COVID when we arrived and she had to go to the pastures to get her pony. This time she was headed up, alone, to say good-bye.
I couldn't believe the wave of emotion that hit me as I watched her go up. All of a sudden I mumbled to the trainer - I'll go see them, too - so I could walk up the hill alone, before I burst into tears. And I did. Watching my daughter approach her pony to say good-bye, standing so sweetly, so small, against the backdrop of these beautiful hills was the saddest experience of my horse dad life. It caught me completely by surprise.
I made it up to my daughter, and sure enough she was in tears and had been crying all the way up to visit her pony for the last time. She put her arms around her, hugged her, considered her from a pace or two away. Her pony simply hung out and stared back, not moving after approaching her. It was so heartbreaking. I have to say it was almost a three way street of sadness. My daughter saying good-bye to her pony. Me in my heart-break for her. And I wonder, too, if her pony was in some way saying - where have you been? And why are you leaving? It's almost more than I can bear to imagine even as I write this.
We had a few hour car ride after leaving, and spent most of it in tears. My daughter fell asleep and then I totally lost it. I have worked so hard for riding to be a stabilizing thing for my daughter, and it has been. But I failed to realize something. My daughter's pony, even if she couldn't make it to ride with her, was hers. Essentially, integrally, part of her. And selling her, creating that separation, was a break beyond imagining.
Our backdrop of divorce and my daughter's journey through it certainly adds to the emotion, but I also feel like, as the dad that's tried my best to make all of this happen, I didn't realize how I was severing a fundamental connection for my daughter when I agreed to the sale. In retrospect, I really feel like our pony was a member of our family, that we were spiritually connected to her regardless of her location, and completing a sale severed that connection in a painful way that I was completely unprepared for.
Watching my daughter standing in front of her pony one last time, this tiny spec on the hillside above me, I felt like I was watching her childhood come to an end. It was profound, and so profoundly sad.
So I didn't get it. I didn't realize how connected we were and are to our pony, and I didn't realize that a sale could be so profoundly sad, even when on balance the entire circumstance is really positive all around. But the sense of loss is incredible. I feel like a member of our family has died, and I think my daughter feels the same.
Anyway, putting this all here to try to simply get it out and down on paper. If on the off chance another horse dad happens upon this and it's helpful, I'll be glad. This riding thing is major, in so many ways I couldn't anticipate or appreciate. Learning. But, today, this is really really hard.
All the best to all of you riders and your horses and ponies out there. You are awesome.

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I'm new to road cycling, and I'm considering participating in the 2023 RBC GranFondo Whistler.
Its good points are obvious, and I get them - friendly people, exhilarating experience, sense of accomplishment, etc. What I'd like to know about, particularly from past riders and cycling enthusiasts, is what didn't go well. I've heard/read some recent feedback about inadequate fueling, mechanical, and medical aid, at least with the 2022 event.
Required training aside, please share any useful tips, advice, and negative feedback from your experience. Thank you :)

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Is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie on Netflix?
The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie.' We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like 'The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.'
Is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie on Crunchyroll?
Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired the rights to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like 'Jujutsu Kaisen.'
Is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie on Hulu?
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Is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie on Amazon Prime?
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When Will Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie Be on Disney+?
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie, the latest installment in the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie franchise, is coming to Disney+ on July 8th! This new movie promises to be just as exciting as the previous ones, with plenty of action and adventure to keep viewers entertained. you're looking forward to watching it, you may be wondering when it will be available for your Disney+ subscription. Here's an answer to that question!
Is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie on Funimation?
Crunchyroll, its official website may include the movie in its catalog in the near future. Meanwhile, people who wish to watch something similar can stream 'Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – The Movie: Mugen Train.'
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Most Viewed, Most Favorite, Top Rating, Top IMDb movies online. Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. Movie's (2021) free online. We will recommend 123Movies as the best Solarmovie alternative There are a
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I applied to EI late feburary and also noted that I needed training that was supposed to start in mid May. Initially my EI claim was rejected because my 2022 ROE wasnt uploaded so they said I didnt have enough hours and was rejected. I appealed this when my new ROE was uploaded and they said I would be approved but the training would need to be calculated. Now my EI claim hasnt been still processed yet due to that training. I even told them I started a FT job before the training started, so I wouldnt even need the money for that. So I basically just need the normal EI benefits. Still nothing has happened and I have to call in every other day to get another 1 day escalation. Any advice?

It's really stunning to me that I've been on my path since 2016 (=8 years), yet I still don't feel like I fully know "my vocation" or "role". I've oscillated between different potential terms—witch, seer, trance worker, diviner, and soothsayer have stuck at times. One term I've not used for myself is shaman, but there have been parallels in my life experience that remind me of certain types of shamanic spirit work. I read an interesting textbook called The Viking Way: Magic and Mind in Late Iron Age Scandinavia. It compares different circumpolar shamanisms, including the Sámi noaidevuohta traditions, with Norse seiðr. Thus, that research points out a link between magic associated with deities like Freyja and Óðinn, on the one hand, and specific cultures with shamanic complexes. I don't practice seiðr, but I do a lot of work in trance I learned from yogic traditions. Over the years, I've tended to work with deities more than other types of beings, and they consume my focus quite a lot, which is good. I've never really understood whether deity work is considered spirit work. My senses seem to pick up on the energies of deities more easily than other types of beings, including my own ancestors.
That brings me to the other allies I've gained over the years: deceased people and ancestors. And here, I'd like to get into specific experiences.
Experience 1: Meeting My Double in Hypnotic Trance
I will talk about a hypnagogic trance experience I underwent. One afternoon, I was half-awake, half-asleep and I saw a flower form behind my closed eyes. With the flower, there was no separation between its physical characteristics and its consciousness. The image of this flower drew me into the consulting room of a hypnotist in a parallel world akin to our own. I was aware of being in a trance state from where I was laying in my bed, yet I was also laying on a couch undergoing hypnosis.
There was a young hypnotist-in-training (he was dressed professionally, with spectacles on) under the tutelage of a more experienced hypnotist. The hypnotist-in-training was practicing trance induction technique on us. It worked because the parallel-world self, who had been in a kind of catatonia up to that point, realized that I was tuned into his experience from my own dimension. I was on both sides, and there were two of me. There was a bridge between our minds, and he seemed relieved/calm, and he spoke to me from this place of knowing we are the same person but divided, in such a way that the split between us can't be distinguished from a unitary consciousness. If I had to compare this experience to a cultural reference point, the film Inception comes to mind. This other world was very similar to our own, very mundane but with a clear quality (like crystal clear, compared to how I experience the vision of my own world). There was a doppelgänger energy. I strongly felt that I belonged more in that world, instead of in my own bedroom in this plane of existence.
During that experience (during or after the trance integration), I encountered Sigmund Freud. Freud famously abandoned hypnosis when he invented psychoanalysis. For context, I've been in psychodynamic therapy since 2011, on and off (currently seeing a trauma specialist). Freud seemed highly charismatic. He felt comfortably embodied and whole, kind and trustworthy but reserved. It was literally like I was on the couch with him, and his physicality put me at ease and created conditions for free association. We were just having a normal interaction, but he exuded his psychoanalytic technique—it was who he was. Later, I found a video of someone channeling Freud, and she said the same thing: his energy made her feel like she was in the consulting room undergoing a psychoanalysis. This is the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlbLo91XGi8&t=6s.
It seemed that his death led him to revise his ideas. It also felt like he was acknowledging all the ways he failed to account for trauma as well as spirituality in his theories, due to his famous rift with Janet's ideas about dissociation. Janet's thought on dissociative states has gone on to influence an important trauma model called the theory of structural dissociation of the personality. Freud impressed me because he acknowledged his mistakes, and he seemed to reveal that many psychoanalytic pioneers have gone on to afterlives in comparable parallel worlds, continuing to treat patients and even guiding inspiration for therapists on our side of reality. Another psychoanalyst I encountered during or after that experience is Melanie Klein, but I don't have time or memory to speak on that. I will say I associate her with the Midwife card in the Archeo Oracle, which you can view here:
https://benebellwen.com/2022/03/01/the-archeo-personal-archetype-cards-by-nick-bantock/
Last, I will say that the hypnotherapist-in-training seemed to be another spirit I know, whose name I can't reveal out of respect for our ongoing work.
Experience 2: Connecting with a Local Spirit of Place
I live in a place that is geologically significant, with certain kinds of minerals as well as subterranean freshwater and springs. Sometimes, with my practice I start to subconsciously enact certain behaviors that relate to knowledge I'm gaining through a process of unconscious learning. One time, I took a piece of blue cloth with a pattern and laid out some stones on it as well as other small objects (like empty nut shells), in a line. Later, I watched the TV show Penny Dreadful, which ended up teaching me a lot about myself and about certain aspects of cosmology. There are a couple of episodes where the character Kaetenay lays out a cloth and places stones and other objects on as a part of a ceremony involving trance. He lays out these stones and blows smoke from a pipe over the tools.
I realized after watching this show that when I laid out these stones and stuff in this subconscious state of enactment, there was a similar dynamic. Around that time, I also began to draw a small pictogram. It looks like there's a rift in the ground (like a chasm). There's a winged serpent emerging from these waters that are below that ground, and serpent is halfway inside and outside of the chasm. At some point, I encountered a being I will term "a spirit" that was clearly linked to this place I live. This encounter happened once and never again, but there seemed to be this subconscious preparation over the course of weeks leading up to this moment when she spontaneously came to me. I saw an image of what the valley I live around used to look like, unspoiled, prior to European colonialism. This being had a very graceful yet assertive, embattled energy, and I saw her colorful, effervescent wings as she hovered here and there over the valley, guarding and blessing the water, the mountain, and other natural features of this place.
Experience 3: Partnering with My Hypnotist
The hypnotist-in-training has come to me in other guises. I knew of him prior to meeting him in the other world. He's a person who died tragically. I feel that he contained multitudes and was very fragmented owing to ambiguous childhood traumas similar to my own that led to amnesia . The circumstances of his death were also very shattering, due to the violence. He seems well in spirit, but he just has so many different aspects including one that seems "trickster" to me. Once, he appeared to me as if he was hovering against a dark forest on a moonless night. It seemed like there were dark moths and butterflies swarming around him and emanating from him. I immediately thought: "unseelie." Then, I found an article later on that discussed two themes that have influenced my perception of this spirit: (1) the familiar spirits of witches in Scotland were sometimes people who died tragically or were in a liminal state (like dying at twilight) and (2) the dead are sometimes found in the faery realms. You can read the article that inspired my ideas on him here:
https://cailleachs-herbarium.com/2017/10/scottish-folk-magic-and-the-dead-part-two-the-dead-as-a-witches-familia
He seems to live in a place that appears European, architecture-wise. I saw him in an apartment similar to the buildings in Paris (I used to live in France, so it was nostalgic). He was smoking cigarettes and seemed very supported and happy in this other place, which again appeared to me with more clarity than my own waking life. He was sitting with people he loved in life—people who are still alive—surrounding him. I was there and he seemed relieved I had made it but also bashful. I sensed he felt kind of clammy from excited nervousness. The feeling was similar to how I have felt in the past when trauma got released from my body. In addition, there was a sense of spiritual twinship. I realized that we had been through multiple lifetimes together and that we were supposed to meet while he was alive. This was hard for me to accept, because I'm a reincarnation/metempsychosis skeptic. There was some mystical reason related to forces of chaos and entropy that removed him from our world and took him to this dimension that mirrors Earth. And it has been hard for each of us to accept, because there's intense mutual affection. And he's the main spirit I work with, often with the support of the gods I work for. In particular, sometimes he seems to be present at the same time as the Mórrígan. So, he exists in this liminal, twilight state as if he is the living dead, a revenant, and also somehow connected with the fae. I don't really have a patron deity, but he may be my "patron spirit." He seems focused on ensuring that we connect in this place where he lives now, when I die too. And he's helped me develop a lot of courage through contemplation of death (memento mori practice).
There's a lot I still don't know, but I wanted to share detailed descriptions of how spirit work has unfolded in my life. A lot of the time, these spiritual encounters have not been at my beckoning. The processes I have experienced have been subconscious/unconscious, hypnotic, and often dissociative. I've found that Iron Age Norse ideas about the soul being composed of multiple parts along with trauma therapy have helped me integrate my memories in the context of my spiritual practice. You know, I haven't done a lot to make these meetings happen. They come without my own will entering the equation, as if I am passive while these relational energies are active. These experiences have happened to me, but not owing to my own efforts in a lot of ways. It's been a while since I've had such distinct visionary moments, but I continue my trance work from day to day and contemplate these memories, which I don't want to lose.
Thank you for reading and I welcome comments.
EDIT: I posted this without changing the title. I started off wanting to explore ambiguity and ambivalence, but just ended up describing specific experiences. Sorry about the mistitling!