Wells fargo atms near me

Is this ok? I have psychosocial disabilities that make it really hard for me to clean and do things by myself. I have gotten a SW from the ndis but am only using her to help clean my house, is this ok? We go shopping/ picking up prescriptions but that takes less than an hour and I can’t be outside for very long and the rest of her shift is used to clean.
I feel terrible about this but I don’t want someone to hang out with me and I need help cleaning and she says she doesn’t mind but I feel like this isn’t her job she isn’t a cleaner but I feel so awkward doing stuff with her (I also feel very awkward asking her to clean). Is this ok/just part of her job? I don’t even know what else to do with her except for this.
Any suggestions are super welcome as well as just letting me know if this is ok or if I’m misusing her.

Hope this finds everyone doing well :) I'm writing because I have a rather sizeable tattoo on my right inner forearm. The issue?Well I've had this one well over4 yrs.The lady who did it(&all of 10 out of 13)tattoos were done hy her with zero issues bit this one drives me crazy as it itches incessantly,to the point where I scratch until I bleed&this has been going on for at least 3 yrs. I don't understand why all of my other tattoos have zero issues yet this one continues to drive me nuts! Any inside or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated :)

I recently left my hometown in Texas for the first permanent time last week and I'm realizing I don't have many friends that stay in touch over the phone well so I was hoping I might be able to find friends near me or that are more talkative over the phone.
I'm just your average 6'0 bald white dude in the Army, I'm not really a party guy, those years are long behind me. I really would just like some people that have positive vibes or need someone that gives positive vibes. My favorite things are getting tattoos, hiking, working out and just being around people who just vibe with me. LGBT and 420 friendly, I just can't smoke it myself for obvious reasons lol
Don't need to be from my new town, would be nice though :)

Disclaimer - if you already came across this post but feel we didn't hit it off last time, why not another attempt (as long as you didnt ghost me last time - then booo)?
Think about this. The guy on the receiving end is funny. He cracks bad jokes (jokes are frequent, them being bad is very rare tho), he is a great listener to your rants, also gives amazing advice if you want (he follows none of them), has interesting takes on multiple topics and, most importantly, you connect with him. Wow right? He games, he watches tons of series, he used to read books (who has the time these days), he has lurked a lot on this sub and hence knows what exactly to expect, a lil (lot) clingy but gives space whenever required and, most importantly, since he is very afraid of horror movies, he doesn't ghost (but is very afraid of being ghosted)!!!
So? You have an amazing offer at the palm of your hands, what are you waiting for??!? The setup process is so easy as well. You click on the profile on top of this post, click on view profile, quickly stalk him to ensure he is not crazy, tap the message button and chat away? Sounds easy right? Right? RIGHT???? (guess there's only one way to know)
PS, to not give anyone the wrong info, i don't do voice calls.

So I got a trans girlfriend and recently went to visit her and we've been intimate on the phone and been talking about being intimate when we see each other. For context, I've been having nightmares about CSA for a few weeks after not having any dreams or solid memories for a few years. Anyway I was with my gf in bed and we were cuddling and then got to kissing, and then I we got more intimate and asked if I could go down on her (she said yes.) When I started kissing her more I started shaking slightly and feeling anxious but I thought I was just nervous cause I've never done something like this before. But as soon as I started going near her "gock" I froze up and started really panicking. I hyperventaled, my teeth were chattering and I was shaking uncontrollably. I curled up into a ball and scared my gf and she hugged me but I felt so terrible and guilty. I wanted to do that and wanted her but I just can't and I don't know why. Afterward I went into the bathroom alone and cried for a solid 5 minutes Sorry if this isn't the right place to ask I'm just scared and confused and want to be intimate with my gf but I feel like a part of me and my life has been taken and I can't even remember who or when and I feel like I'm completely alone and crazy.

I've never had any problems with videos loading on the app but I've seen lots of people bitch about it and I pay for premium so I don't see ads and I've used the app for like 5 years so I know it very well and it's easy to use. For someone like me why would I ever want to switch from the normal app?

Hi! My name’s Alec, I’m 26, and from the great state of Pennsylvania. I’m currently looking to make some new friends and see what happens on here.
A little bit about me: I’m a gamer. I own a gaming PC, PS5, Nintendo Switch, & Xbox Series X. I play a good majority of everything from Fortnite, Doom, Resident Evil, Metal Gear Solid, etc.
I’m a musician. I play drums and guitar. I happen to be in a band as well so be sure to ask all about it! I love all types of music. I mostly lean towards rock & metal (Slipknot, Metallica, Trivium, Glassjaw, etc.) but I do like some grunge & alternative (Radiohead, The Cure, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden). My musical tastes are all over the place so I’m sure we can find some common ground!
If you’d like to shoot a DM, please do! I’ll be looking forward to it 😌

My girlfriend and I broke up on our one year, on the 29th. This same day my grandpa had passed away and I was also dealing with not being able to compete in my lifelong sport anymore from a week prior. She broke up with me because I wasn’t working around this time due to playoffs for my sport (needing to travel) causing me to take a leave of absence in order to not get fired. We had an idea of where we wanted to go for dinner but she was upset to hear that I didn’t have enough money to pay for the whole dinner as I had to pay for insurance and gas that same day; and that I did not make the reservation a week prior. I am a broke college student who was trying to play out his last season of baseball ever, after 18 years of hard dedication. She didn’t believe in me and kept telling me to quit even though I had several college scouts in interest. That’s besides the point though, she didn’t like that I wasn’t productive enough with work and with school as I didn’t do well during my first two semesters in 2020-21, causing me to obtain my associates later than her. She felt embarrassed by me. I haven’t really been upset until recently, as I have not been able to stop crying the past couple days. She still shared her location with me so every other night I made sure she was home safe after work even though we hadn’t been talking. Last night she was at a middle school parking lot at 2am and my buddy who just so happens to live down the street from it was on his way home and I asked him to check out what she was doing there. As soon as he got there she hopped out of the backseat of a car of her coworker. Needless to say I feel betrayed, hurt, angry and more sad than I have ever been; even more than when my mom passed away. I texted her furiously out of per emotions and she denied having sex with anyone and that there were two coworkers in there including a girl. She understandably was extremely upset/uncomfortable that I had done this and I feel extremely guilty and ashamed of myself for stooping that low. She had told me that we could still talk and that she just didn’t have time for anyone else right now. I feel like an idiot and don’t know how to mend my feelings in order to recover from this. She was my first true love and I always tried to find ways to make her show me love back but she never did. I don’t know why I’m so attached to someone who didn’t love me. Any advice for recovering would be appreciated.

I ventured through the realm of the forgotten, a solitary wanderer treading the fringes of a world I could never truly call my own. Each step propelled me deeper into the heart of isolation, where extravagant condos belonging to the wealthy loomed on one side, and the impeccably groomed greens of an exclusive golf course stretched out on the other. Beyond was the sound, a channeled sea of islands and foggy weather. Sandwiched between them, an enigmatic patch of forest concealed its secrets, a barrier between opulence and the untamed.
A bone-chilling fog rolled in, veiling the nearby islands in an eerie cloak of mystery. The islands, silent and enigmatic, whispered their secrets to those who dared listen. But on this night, I had more immediate concerns that demanded my attention.
My footsteps led me towards what I knew was my path.
The forest itself seemed out of place, a remnant of untamed wilderness amidst the refined elegance of the condos and the pristine golf course. It was a forgotten corner of nature, hidden away from prying eyes, its secrets locked within its ancient trees and shadowy depths.
It was within this eerie thicket, nestled amidst the extravagant neighborhood and the tranquil sea adorned with fog-shrouded islands, that I stumbled upon a chilling discovery. Max, my loyal canine companion who had accompanied me on countless escapades, led me to a hidden grave. A heavy air of unease settled around us, and a shiver ran down my spine, for I realized I had inadvertently stepped into a dark and foreboding nightmare. Some nightmares are not cleared away in the morning light.
The forest floor was strewn with golf balls, their presence a strange incongruity against the backdrop of towering trees and decaying foliage. But it was the horror that awaited me that truly shattered any sense of normalcy. As Max began to unearth the enigma hidden beneath the earth, an ominous atmosphere descended upon our surroundings, setting the warming orchestra of my thoughts for a descent into madness.
Max began scratching at the ground, his paws kicking up small clouds of dirt. I watched him with trepidation, unsure of what he had stumbled upon. And then, the truth emerged amidst the chaos of his excavation. The forest floor, already littered with golf balls, revealed an even more unsettling sight—a skeletal hand, its bony fingers clutching a weathered club.
As Max continued to dig, my unease grew, and I could no longer ignore the foreboding sense that something terrible was about to unfold. Suddenly, a chorus of guttural voices pierced through the silence, their chilling tones mingling with the rustle of leaves and the distant crash of waves against the tranquil sea.
We huddled in the dense thicket, our hearts pounding against our ribcages like captive beasts. The air grew thick with fear and the stench of decay emanating from the newly discovered grave, just a few feet away. Max, his hackles raised, stood beside me, his eyes fixed on the abyss of the forest.
The feeling of being hunted made us hide, readied us to run. Somehow they knew that we had found their secret. Perhaps the hunters were as sensitive to fate as I.
The nightmare began with a hail of arrows, raining down from above like deadly specks of darkness. I dodged and weaved, desperately seeking cover from the onslaught. The masked men, their eyes burning with malevolence, closed in on me with flashlights in hand, casting grotesque shadows against the fog-laden trees.
A thrown bottle exploded at my feet, glass shattering and cutting into my flesh. The searing pain only fueled my adrenaline-fueled flight. The hunters pursued, their footsteps thundering behind me, accompanied by their mocking laughter and sadistic jeers.
Then, a gunshot shattered the night, its sound resonating through the forest. The other men shouted in anger, chastising the gunman for his recklessness. Chaos intensified, and I felt a tomahawk cartwheel past my ear, missing me by a hair's breadth.
In the midst of the chaos, my heart ached for Max. He had vanished into the depths of the woods, drawn away by something I couldn't fathom. I wanted to run, to escape the approaching vehicles and the hunters who sought to claim me, but I couldn't abandon my faithful companion.
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes stretched into an agonizing eternity. The sound of vehicles grew louder, the hunters drawing closer. I was terrified and heartbroken, my mind torn between saving myself and waiting for Max.
Just as I was about to abandon hope, a shadow emerged from the gloom. It was Max, bounding toward me with a wagging tail and a glimmer of relief in his eyes. Tears of gratitude welled in my eyes as I called out to him, and he joined me, his presence reinforcing my resolve to flee this nightmarish pursuit.
With renewed determination, Max and I sprinted through the tangled underbrush, the relentless pursuit of the hunters driving us forward. Our hearts beat in sync as we raced against the encroaching darkness.
I followed Max, as he seemed to know the way - having run ahead and found our escape.
The forest seemed to conspire against us, its twisted branches reaching out like skeletal hands, ready to ensnare us in its malevolent embrace. The undergrowth became a treacherous obstacle course, threatening to trip us up with every step. But Max, ever the loyal companion, guided me through the labyrinth of shadows, his senses honed to navigate this haunting realm.
As we sprinted, our breaths ragged and desperate, the pursuing hunters closed in, their footsteps growing louder and more menacing. The sounds of their jeers and taunts echoed through the trees, a symphony of sadism that chilled me to the core.
Then, as if the forest itself decided to aid our escape, a hidden trail materialized before us. It beckoned, a sliver of hope cutting through the suffocating darkness. With no time to spare, we veered onto the path, our feet pounding against the earth, propelled by a surge of adrenaline.
The trail wound deeper into the heart of the forgotten forest, twisting and turning like a serpent, as if playing a wicked game with our pursuers. Shadows danced around us, their elongated forms whispering malevolent secrets. The air grew colder, biting into my skin, and an otherworldly hush settled over the land, as if the very essence of nature held its breath, aware of the horror unfolding within its domain.
A fog reached up from the cliffs as we ran under the open moonlight. We were exposed to our predators, yet the fog came and made us invisible to them. As we reached the other side of the cliffs and more forest, the seaside abandoned us and the fog retreated naturally.
As we raced along the path, the distant sound of crashing waves began to fade, replaced by an eerie silence broken only by the haunting calls of nocturnal creatures. Fear and exhaustion threatened to overtake us, but the thought of what awaited us at the hands of the hunters fueled our determination.
The path abruptly opened up into a clearing, bathed in an ethereal glow. Moonlight filtered through a gap in the dense foliage, casting an otherworldly radiance on a weathered stone structure that stood at the clearing's center. It was a forgotten shrine, forgotten by time and those who once paid homage to its mysterious deity.
A surge of both trepidation and desperate hope coursed through me as I realized that this shrine might hold the key to our salvation. With no time to second-guess, we approached the ancient structure, its moss-covered stones seemingly pulsating with an unknown energy.
As I stepped onto the sacred ground, an unsettling stillness fell over the clearing. Max's hackles rose, his gaze fixated on the shrine's mossy entrance. A primal instinct warned us of the ancient forces at play, but we had come too far to turn back.
Summoning all the courage within me, I pushed open the heavy stone door, revealing a chamber shrouded in darkness. A chill wind swept through the entrance, carrying whispers of forgotten incantations and the scent of decay.
With hesitant steps, we ventured into the unknown depths of the shrine, our hearts pounding in our chests. The walls seemed to close in, suffocating us with a weighty anticipation. The air grew dense with an ancient power, the residue of rituals long forgotten.
A dim light flickered at the center of the chamber, drawing us closer like moths to a flame. We stood trembling, almost forgetting our dire escape. Max began a low growl that broke into a frightened whine.
From the depths of the chamber, a haunting wail erupted, resonating with the agony of centuries past. Shadows coalesced into a towering figure, its eyes blazing with an otherworldly fire. It was the wrathful spirit of the forest itself, determined to protect its secrets at any cost.
Max barked, a valiant act of defiance in the face of an unstoppable force. I stood my ground, clutching my pack, and mustered all the courage I had left. In a trembling voice, I spoke words of remorse and reverence, offering appeasement to the vengeful spirit.
"We're drawn here...to see the grave...to escape its makers."
A hush fell over the chamber as the deity listened, its wrath subsiding, if only momentarily. In a voice that echoed through my mind, it issued a warning—a warning to never return to this forsaken realm, to leave the secrets of the forgotten forest buried in the past.
It wasn't in words, it was just a feeling. I knew what it wanted, and so did Max. It had made itself clear. It would spare us only if we abandoned our trespasses.
With a final glance back at the shrine, Max and I fled, propelled by a newfound urgency. The pursuing hunters were nowhere to be seen, as if swallowed by the very darkness they sought to unleash upon us.
As we emerged from the clutches of the haunted forest, the first rays of morning painted the sky, casting a golden hue upon our weary faces. We had escaped the clutches of the forgotten, forever marked by the consequences of horror that we had personally experienced.

I currently have ubuntu mate and its all messed up; just a bunch of glitches. I know that alot of the network config files are messed too. My system can't resolve anything, so no updates or downloads. It's just a mess. I've been lightly messing with OpenWrt on my Belkin RT3200, though I barely made any configs, idk if that was enough to set things off.
So in my predicament, what shall I do? I looked up several of the config files and tried fixing them myself, but that didnt go to well. Its almost like their all interconnected and they need changed at the same time; it's weird. Or is there a tool/program that is accurate that can help me fix my problems? I'd feel much more accomplished but dont know where to start. There's gotta be an order to all these network configs right? thanks

I experienced a deeply distressing incident that involved a brutal assault and an unjust arrest at the Bungalow, a local bar known for serving alcohol, in the early hours of Saturday. While I was attempting to hail an Uber cab, a bouncer confronted me aggressively and forcefully escorted me to the entrance of the Bungalow. Shockingly, he savagely twisted my arm, and with the support of the Santa Monica PD, I was violently slammed onto the ground, causing injuries to my chest and face. The excessive use of force inflicted upon me was completely unwarranted and witnessed by numerous individuals at the scene who were disturbed by the incident. The bouncer, in collaboration with the Santa Monica PD, subjected me to extreme pain by twisting my arm, leading me to cry out for help. Despite my desperate pleas, made through immense pain, I tried to explain that I had committed no crime and implored them to act reasonably, emphasizing that I was scheduled to sign a government contract the following week to serve our nation. However, my pleas fell on deaf ears, and I was brutally treated, with my face forcefully struck against the concrete and knees pressed into my lower back. I repeatedly begged the officers and the bouncer to allow me to call my Uber or at least inform my absent friend of the situation, but my requests were ignored.
It is crucial to emphasize that I am innocent of any crime and the use of excessive force against me, along with the baseless charges brought forth, are an affront to my rights. Contrary to the allegations, I did not obstruct any sidewalk, as I was under custody and unable to freely move. The obstruction that occurred was a direct consequence of the vicious assault I endured, an assault that I never should have experienced. As a result of this unjust brutality, I now suffer from multiple medical issues and bear both a medical and criminal record, which may prove detrimental to my career advancement. Furthermore, the incident has placed my recently submitted SF86 application for TS/SCI clearance at risk, which has significant implications for my professional aspirations.
After being unjustly arrested, beaten, and detained, I faced further mistreatment at the hands of those in charge at the jail. Despite my desperate pleas, they callously denied me access to vital medical assistance. I pleaded for my medication, fearing for my well-being, as I felt my heart reaching a critical point. Hematomas formed on my skull, and my face was marred by open wounds. Throughout my time in the cell, I continuously demanded legal representation and emergency aid. My mental state deteriorated, leading to intermittent blackouts. It was only when the swelling became too severe to ignore that a nurse finally arrived, and this was around 9 am. The nurse recognized the urgency of my condition and insisted that I be taken to a hospital immediately, given the extreme facial and body swelling, along with a blood pressure reading of 178, indicating a hypertensive crisis, a potentially life-threatening medical emergency that could lead to heart attack, stroke, or other severe health complications. Shockingly, the Santa Monica PD refused the nurse's recommendation and, at times, callously laughed at my distress. This inhumane treatment not only violated my rights under the 8th amendment but also reflects a consistent pattern of civil rights violations I have experienced. Subsequently, upon my release, I promptly sought medical attention at an emergency room, where comprehensive scans and examinations were conducted. The diagnosis revealed heart palpitations, a severe concussion resulting from blunt head trauma, and extensive disc bulges in my lumbar spine that will require extensive treatment and may even be permanent. As a result of this incident, I am now compelled to consult with various specialists. Additionally, it is important to note that my blood alcohol content (BAC) was recorded as "<10mg/dL not detected." I possess detailed medical documentation related to this incident and will continue seeking treatment to address the consequences of this brutality. With a legal team at my disposal, I am resolute in my determination to hold the responsible individuals accountable for their actions. This incident represents a flagrant violation of my rights and demands justice.
According to the California Penal Code 647(f), it is considered a crime to be under the influence in a public place if you are unable to ensure your own safety or if you obstruct or prevent the use of a public sidewalk or street. However, based on the details provided in my previous statements, I firmly believe that I cannot be found guilty of this charge for the following reasons:

1. Inability to care for my own safety: There is no evidence or indication that I was unable to ensure my own safety. My attempts to hail a cab using Uber demonstrate a conscious effort to secure safe transportation and take responsibility for my well-being.
   
2. Obstruction of public sidewalk or street: I was not in a position to obstruct or prevent the use of a public sidewalk or street since I was already in custody and unable to freely move about. The obstruction that occurred was a direct result of the bouncer's aggressive actions and the subsequent assault, which left me incapacitated and unable to navigate my surroundings.
   

Given these circumstances, it is clear that I should not be deemed guilty of violating California Penal Code 647(f). The charges brought against me are unjust and unfounded, further emphasizing the need for a thorough examination of the actions taken by the bouncer and the Santa Monica PD.

Hey there,
Amateur photographer in the politics/portrait/event photography sphere. I regularly photograph politicians at events, mingling with people, and speaking to crowds, like this (to a less professional degree --- my photos are not as good!).
I've been using my Canon M50 MkII for this kind of photography, as well as vlog and montage-style videography. However, I'm not content with the camera's performance, especially in low light situations (which is a notorious weakness of the M50). I usually shoot in Shutter Priority, Aperture Priority, and occasionally in Sport mode, given that my subject moves very frequently.
My lenses are as follows:

• Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 (used primarily for videography).
• Canon EF 70-200mm f/2.8L IS II USM (used primarily for event photography).
• Viltrox EF to EF-M mount (to expand my lens offerings ---- is this causing quality issues?)
• Standard Canon EF-M 15-45mm kit lens (rarely use this one).

Here are the performance issues I'm encountering:

• I find that, unless I'm shooting outside in broad daylight, my photos are very noisy and often not sharp. My post-production editing skills are amateur, so despite my best efforts, I can't fix many of these issues in Lightroom.
• When I record video (the 4K video abilities drew me to the M50 MkII in the first place) with my 50mm lens in 1080p 60fps with my aperture set to f/1.4, the video quality ends up looking like I shot with a much smaller aperture. The end file lacks that creamy bokeh/shallow depth of field that I can see in the viewfinder.
• The 4K cropping is brutal, so much so that I rarely film in 4K, which is a major drawback given that I bought the camera with the intention to use its 4K capabilities.
• The battery life is small but manageable, though I find myself having to charge my battery religiously. It would be a great convenience to not have to do that.

Given my unhappiness with its performance, I've been toying with switching back to a DSLR and/or getting rid of my M50 entirely. The M50 is an entry-level mirrorless, and I feel I should be using something less....entry-level.
Here are the considerations I have for a possible switch:

• Most of my work is done in poor, fluorescent, and/or low-light settings, so I need a camera that can perform well in these settings.
• I have invested in, and very much like, my lenses, so I wouldn't want to switch out of the Canon EF mount architecture unless adapters are available or there's a very good justification for the switch.
• I use my camera for a 50/50 mix of photography and videography, so ideally I don't have to compromise on video ability for better photography.
• The weight (or lack thereof) of a mirrorless camera is a nice bonus, but not a dealbreaker.
• My end goal is that my photography looks somewhat like this or this.

So, all things considered: would you advise me to switch cameras? If so, what model would you recommend?
If you don't advise a camera switch, can you help me diagnose any of the image quality issues I'm experiencing?
--
Open to suggestions, feedback, and constructive criticism. Ask me anything.

Big online (place to stay) booking site. One where people rent out their apartments and rooms and houses. Yeah that big one. Long story short. Google searched said site and looked up accommodations. Booked them through my phone number (they never asked me for any other Info just a multi factor identify that was sent to my phone number. Only problem is my phone number is linked to a different name and account ( person who e had this number but 8 Yeats ago) well after confirming the reservation I wanted to look at pictures mod the place again only to realize under the trip info it was someone other than me in the thumbnail and lo an behold this was not my account but someones account who also has many connections with the debt collectors that still call this number looking for Matt 8 years later. Anyways my credit card info is now tied to this account which I am not able to remove because the credit card is associated with a recent rental. Oh and I am not able to cancel via phone call either because despite what the customer service agent says I am not the user of the account only the credit card holder. Obviously I cancelled my card but this can't be right. Right?

The Hoax Story of Remarkable Testimony of a Buddhist monk in Myanmar (Burma) who came back to life a changed man!
Introduction The story that follows is simply a translation of a taped testimony from a man with a life-changing story. It is not an interview or a biography, but simply the words from the man himself. Different people react in different ways when they hear this story. Some are inspired, some skeptical, a few will mock and ridicule, while some others have even been filled with rage and anger, convinced these words are the ravings of a mad man or an elaborate deception. Some Christians have opposed the story simply because the radical and miraculous events described herein do not fit their feeble image of an Almighty God.
We were first made aware of this story from several Burmese church leaders who shared it with us. These leaders had looked into the story and had not found any suggestion of it being a hoax. It was with this in mind that we decided to step out and circulate the story. We do not do so for any monetary gain, or with a motivation of self-promotion. We just want to let the story speak for itself, and invite Christian believers to judge it according to Scripture. If God wants any part of it to be intended for His glory or to encourage His people, then we pray His Spirit will work in the hearts of the readers in those ways.
Some people have told us they think the monk in this story never actually died, but that he just lapsed into unconsciousness, and the things he saw and heard were part of a fever-driven hallucination. Whatever you think, the simple fact remains that the events of this story so radically transformed this man that his life took on a complete 180-degree shift after the events described below. He has fearlessly and boldly told his story at great personal cost, including imprisonment. He has been scorned by his relatives, friends and colleagues, and faced death threats for his unwillingness to compromise his message. What motivated this man to be willing to risk everything? Whether we believe him or not, his story is surely worth listening to and considering. In the cynical West many people demand hard evidence of such things, evidence that would stand up in a court of law. Can we absolutely guarantee, beyond doubt, that all of these things happened? No, we cannot. But we feel it is worth repeating this man's story in his own words so that readers can judge for themselves.
My Early Years Hello! My name is Athet Pyan Shinthaw Paulu. I am from the country of Myanmar. I would like to share with you my testimony of what happened to me, but first I would like to give some brief background information from my life growing up.
I was born in 1958 in the town of Bogale, on the Irrawaddy Delta area of southern Myanmar [formerly Burma]. My parents, who were devout Buddhists like most people in Myanmar, named me Thitpin [which means 'tree' in English]. Our lives were very simple where I grew up. At the age of 13 I left school and started working on a fishing boat. We caught fish and sometimes also shrimp from the numerous rivers and streams in the Irrawaddy area. At the age of 16 I became the leader of the boat. At this time I lived in Upper Mainmahlagyon Island [Mainmahlagyon means 'Beautiful Woman Island' in English], just north of Bogale where I was born. This place is about 100 miles southwest of Yangon [Rangoon], our nation's capitol city.
One day, when I was 17, we caught a large number of fish in our nets. Because of the many fish, a large crocodile was attracted to us. It followed our boat and tried to attack us. We were terrified so we frantically rowed our boats toward the riverbank as fast as we could. The crocodile followed us and smashed our boat with its tail. Although no one died in this incident, the attack greatly affected my life. I no longer wanted to fish. Our small boat sank because of the crocodile attack. We had to go home to our village that night on a passenger boat.
Not long after, his employers transferred my father to Yangon City [formerly spelt Rangoon]. At the age of 18 I was sent to a Buddhist monastery to be a novice monk. Most parents in Myanmar try to send their son into a Buddhist monastery, at least for a time, as it is considered a great honor to have a son serve in this way. We have been observing this custom for many hundreds of years.
​
A Zealous Disciple of Buddha When I turned 19 years and 3 months old (in 1977), I became a normal monk. The senior monk at my monastery gave me a new Buddhist name, which is the custom in our country. I was now called U Nata Pannita Ashinthuriya. When we become a monk we no longer use the name given to us at birth by our parents. The name of the monastery I lived at is called Mandalay Kyaikasan Kyaing. The senior monk's name was called U Zadila Kyar Ni Kan Sayadaw [U Zadila is his title]. He was the most famous Buddhist monk in all of Myanmar at the time. Everyone knew who he was. He was widely honored by the people and respected as a great teacher. I say he "was" because in 1983 he suddenly died when he was involved in a fatal car accident. His death shocked everyone. At the time I had been a monk for six years.
I tried hard to be the best monk I could and to follow all the precepts of Buddhism. At one stage I moved to a cemetery where I lived and meditated continually. Some monks who really want to know the truths of Buddha do things like I did. Some move deep into the forests where they live a life of self-denial and poverty. I sought to deny my selfish thoughts and desires, to escape from sickness and suffering and to break free from the cycle of this world. At the cemetery I was not afraid of ghosts. I tried to attain such inner peace and self-realization that even when a mosquito landed on my arm I would let it bite me instead of brushing it off!
For years I strived to be the best monk I could and not to harm any living being. I studied the holy Buddhist teachings just like all my forefathers had done before me.
My life proceeded as a monk until I got very, very sick. I was in Mandalay at the time and had to be taken to the hospital for treatment. The doctors did some tests on me and told me I had both Yellow Fever and malaria at the same time! After about one month in the hospital I was getting worse. The doctors told me there was no chance for me to recover and discharged me to make arrangements to die.
This is a brief description of my past. I would now like to tell you some of the remarkable things that happened to me after this times...
​
A Vision that Changed My Life Forever After I was discharged from the hospital I went back to the monastery where other monks cared for me. I grew weaker and weaker and was lapsing into unconsciousness. I learned later that I actually died for three days. My body decayed and stunk of death, and my heart stopped beating. My body was prepared for cremation and was put through traditional Buddhist purification rites.
Although I faded away in my body I remember my mind and spirit were fully alert. I was in a very, very powerful storm. A tremendous wind flattened the whole landscape until there were no trees or anything else standing, just a flat plain. I walked very fast along this plain for some time. There were no other people anywhere, I was all alone. After some time I crossed a river. On the other side of the river I saw a terrible, terrible lake of fire. In Buddhism we do not have a concept of a place like this. At first I was confused and didn't know it was hell until I saw Yama, the king of hell [Yama is the name ascribed to the King of Hell in numerous cultures throughout Asia]. His face looked like the face of a lion, his body was like a lion, but his legs were like a naga [serpent spirit]. He had a number of horns on his head. His face was very fierce, and I was extremely afraid. Trembling, I asked him his name. He replied, "I am the king of hell, the Destroyer."
The terrible, terrible lake of fire The king of hell told me to look into the lake of fire. I looked and I saw the saffron colored robes that Buddhist monks wear in Myanmar. I looked closer and saw the shaven head of a man. When I looked at the man's face I saw it was U Zadila Kyar Ni Kan Sayadaw [the famous monk who had died in a car accident in 1983]. I asked the king of hell why my former leader was confined to this lake of torment. I said, "Why is he in this lake of fire? He was a very good teacher. He even had a teaching tape called 'Are You a Man or a Dog?' which had helped thousands of people understand that their worth as humans is far greater than the animals." The king of hell replied, "Yes, he was a good teacher but he did not believe in Jesus Christ. That's why he is in hell."
I was told to look at another person who was in the fire. I saw a man with very long hair wrapped on the left hand side of his head. He was also wearing a robe. I asked the king of hell, "Who is this man?" He replied, "This is the one you worship: Gautama [Buddha]."
I was very disturbed to see Gautama in hell. I protested, "Gautama had good ethnics and good moral character, why is he suffering in this lake of fire?" The king of hell answered me, "It doesn't matter how good he was. He is in this place because he did not believe in the Eternal God."
I then saw another man who looked like he was wearing a soldier's uniform. He had a large wound on his chest. I asked, "Who is this man?" The king of hell said, "This is Aung San, the revolutionary leader of Myanmar." I was told, "Aung San is here because he persecuted and killed Christians, but mostly because he didn't believe in Jesus Christ." In Myanmar the people have a common saying, "Soldiers never die, they live on." I was told that the legions of hell have a saying "Soldiers never die, but they go to hell forever."
I looked and saw another man in the lake of fire. He was a very tall man and he was dressed in military armor. He was also holding a sword and a shield. This man had a wound on his forehead. This man was taller than any person I have ever seen. He was six times the length between a man's elbow and the tips of his fingers when he stretches his arm out straight, plus one span of a man's fingers when he spreads out his hand. The king of hell said, "This man's name is Goliath. He is in hell because he blasphemed the Eternal God and His servant David." I was confused because I didn't know who either Goliath or David were. The king of hell said, "Goliath is recorded in the Christian Bible. You don't know him now, but when you become a Christian you will know who he is."
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I was then taken to a place where I saw both rich and poor people preparing to eat their evening meals. I asked, "Who cooked the food for these people?" The king of hell replied, "The poor have to prepare their own food, but the rich people get others to cook for them." When the food had been prepared for the rich people they sat down to eat. As soon as they started a thick smoke came up. The rich people ate as fast as they could to ease their consciences. They were struggling to breath because of the smoke. They had to eat fast because they were fearful of losing their money. Their money is their god.
Another king of hell then came to me. I also saw a being whose job is to stoke the fires beneath the lake of fire, to keep it hot. This being asked me, "Are you going into the lake of fire too?" I replied, "No! I am only here to observe!" The appearance of this creature stoking the fire was very terrifying. He had ten horns on his head and a spear in his hand that had seven sharp blades coming from the end. The creature told me, "You are right. You came here just to observe. I cannot find your name here." He said, "You must now go back the way you came." He pointed me toward the desolate plain that I had first walked along before I came to the lake of fire.
The Road of Decision I walked a long time, until I was bleeding. I was hot and in great pain. Finally, after walking for about three hours I came to a wide road. I walked along this road for some time until I came to a fork. One road, going off to the left, was wide. A smaller road went off to the right hand side. There was a signpost at the fork saying that the road to the left was for those who do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. The smaller road to the right was for believers in Jesus.
I was interested to see where the larger road led so I started down it. There were two men walking about 300 yards ahead of me. I tried to catch up with them so I could walk with them but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't catch them up, so I turned around and went back to the fork in the road. I continued to watch these two men as they walked down the road away from me. When they reached the end of the road they were suddenly stabbed. These two men cried out in great pain! I also cried out when I saw what happened to them! I realized the bigger road ended in great danger for those who traveled down it.
Looking into Heaven I started walking down the believers' road instead. After traveling for about one hour the surface of the road turned to pure gold. It was so pure that when I looked down I could see my own reflection perfectly. I then saw a man standing in front of me. He was wearing a white robe. I also heard beautiful singing. Oh, it was so beautiful and pure! It was much better and more meaningful than the worship we have in churches here on the earth. The man in the white robe asked me to walk with him. I asked him, "What is your name?" but he did not answer. After I asked his name six times the man answered, "I am the one who holds the key to heaven. Heaven is a very, very beautiful place. You cannot go there now but if you follow Jesus Christ you can go there after your life has finished on the earth." The man's name was Peter.
Peter then asked me to sit down and he showed me a place to the north. Peter said, "Look to the north and see God create man." I saw the Eternal God from a distance. God spoke to an angel, "Let us make man." The angel pleaded with God and said, "Please don't make man. He will do wrong and will grieve you." [In Burmese literally: "He will make you lose face."]. But God created a man named anyway. God blew on the man and the man came to life. He gave him the name "Adam". [Note: Buddhists do not believe in the Creation of the world or of man, so this experience had a significant impact on the monk].
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Sent Back with a New Name Then Peter said, "Now get up and go back to where you came from. Speak to the people who worship Buddha and who worship idols. Tell them they must go to hell if they don't change. Those who build temples and idols will also have to go to hell. Those who give offerings to the monks to earn merit for themselves with go to hell. All those who pray to the monks and call them 'Pra' [respectful title for monks] will go to hell. Those who chant and 'give life' to idols will go to hell. All those who don't believe in Jesus Christ will go to hell." Peter told me to go back to the earth and testify about the things I had seen. He also said, "You must speak in your new name. From now on you are to be called Athet Pyan Shinthaw Paulu ["Paul who Came Back to Life."].
I didn't want to go back. I wanted to go to heaven. Angels opened a book. First they looked for my childhood name (Thitpin) in the book, but they could not find it. They then looked for the name I had been given when he entered the Buddhist monk hood (U Nata Pannita Ashinthuriya) but it wasn't written in the book either. Then Peter said, "Your name is not written here, you must return and testify about Jesus to the Buddhist people."
I walked back along the gold road. Again I heard beautiful singing, the kind of which I have never heard before or since. Peter walked with me until the time I returned to the earth. He showed me a ladder that reached down from the heaven to the sky. The ladder didn't reach to the earth, but stopped in mid-air. On the ladder I saw many angels, some going up to heaven and some going down the ladder. They were very busy. I asked Peter, "Who are they?" Peter answered, "They are messengers of God. They are reporting to heaven the names of all those who believe in Jesus Christ and the names of those who don't believe." Peter then told me it was time to go back.
It is a Ghost! The next thing I was aware of was the sound of weeping. I heard my own mother cry out, "My son, why did you leave us now?" I also heard many other people weeping. I realized I was lying in a box. I started to move. My mother and father started shouting, "He is alive! He is alive!" Other people who were farther away did not believe my parents. I then placed my hands on the sides of the box and sat upright. Many people were struck with terror. They cried out, "It is a ghost!" and ran away as fast as their legs could carry them.
Those who remained were speechless and trembling. I noticed I was sitting in smelly liquid and body fluids, enough to fill about three and a half cups. This was liquid that had come out of my stomach and my insides while my body was lying in the coffin. This is why people knew I had indeed been dead. Inside the coffin there was a type of plastic sheet fixed to the wood. This sheet is placed there to retain a corpse's liquids, because many dead bodies release much fluid like mine did.
I learned later that I was just moments away from being cremated in the flames. In Myanmar people are placed in a coffin, the lid is then nailed shut, and the whole coffin is burned. When I came back to life my mother and father were being allowed to look at my body for the very last time. Moments later the lid of my coffin would have been nailed shut and I would have been cremated!
I immediately started to explain the things I had seen and heard. People were astonished. I told them about the men I had seen in the lake of fire, and told them that only the Christians know the truth, that our forefathers and us have been deceived for thousands of years! I told them everything we believe is a lie. The people were astonished because they knew what kind of a monk I had been and how zealous I had been for the teachings of Buddha.
In Myanmar when a person dies their name and age is written on the side of the coffin. When a monk dies, the monk's name, age and the number of years he has served as a monk are written on the side of the coffin. I had already been recorded as dead but as you can see, now I am alive!
Epilogue Since 'Paul who came back to life' experienced the above story he has remained a faithful witness to the Lord Jesus Christ. Burmese pastors have told us that he had led hundreds of other monks to faith in Christ. His testimony is obviously very uncompromising. Because of that, his message has offended many people who cannot accept there is only one Way to Heaven, the Lord Jesus Christ. Despite great opposition, his experiences were so real to him that he has not wavered. After many years in the Buddhist monk hood, as a strict follower of Buddhist teachings, he immediately proclaimed the Gospel of Christ following his resurrection and exhorted other monks to forsake all false gods and follow Jesus Christ with all their hearts. Before the time of his sickness and death he had no exposure to Christianity at all. Everything he learned during those three days in the grave was new to his mind.
In a bid to get his message out to as many people as possible, this modern-day Lazarus began distributing audio and video cassette tapes with his story on them. The police and Buddhist authorities in Myanmar have done their utmost to gather these tapes up and destroy them. The testimony you have just read has been translated form one of those cassette tapes. We are told it is now quite dangerous for citizens of Myanmar to be in possession of these tapes.
His fearless testimony has landed him in prison at least once, where the authorities failed in their bid to silence him. Upon his release he continued to testify of the things he saw and heard. His current whereabouts are uncertain. One Burmese informant told us he is prison and may have been killed, while another informant was told he is now released from prison and is continuing his ministry.
Translated by: Asian Minorities Outreach P.O.Box 901 Palestine, TX 75802 U.S.A. E-Mail: monkst... u/yahoo.com Website: http://www.antioch.com.sg/mission/asianmo
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Dear Triplegem Members, The following message was posted to the NDE.com Website by someone called 'James' on 23rd July, 2000. (NDE = Near Death Experience). The Monk's story is identical. But the source is different. Details can be viewed at
<>
The message began with: "Buddhist Monk visits Hell" I believe this person died, body decay & rotten. He was then brought to those places by the LORD to show him some vision. <-------
This is taken from a mission paper "Northside Missions Update" Northside Christian Centre 31-61 McLeans Road Bundoora Victoria 3083 Australia
The same 'Monk's Story' followed. Then, exchange of interesting messages took place at the NDE.com Bulletin Board among NDE regulars, some of them are Christians, and finally, someone called 'Melvin', 'a Myanmar Buddhist', posted the following message and the discussion came to a close.
The fact that the same story has re-surfaced in another form (cassette), perhaps in a another country is a bit disturbing!
Best wishes to all our Triplegem members, MM Lwin
...................................................................

I'd like to set up a way to share family photos.
I have a large collection of family photos on my hard drive; over 20 gigs compiled from scans of physical photos, plus various digital photos, all arranged into folders by decade/year, going back to the 1940's and further. Additionally I've been going through them and adding text files to give descriptions of these pictures.
I want to put these all online where the whole of my family can access them, as well as allowing them to add their own photos.
But when I'm looking for cloud storage options, I'm mostly finding apps designed to synch folders on your computer, and thus have limits on how many devices can be used. I'm not interested in devices; I would be comfortable running this all online and just handing out links and passwords. I just want something I can hand out to all my brothers and let them access the pictures and to upload their own, just so we have a nice communal archive of family records.
My first thought is something like Google Photos, but I don't want to "share a folder from my account" but rather make a new dedicated account; something easy to share with everyone. That is to say, I want to share a family account with everyone, not just hand them access to my account. Plus I want an option that lets me also upload my text files with all the descriptions. Yes its nice if I can add data to the picture, but I want something where said data can be easily downloaded and preserved no matter what kind of changes happen to computing several decades from now.
Any suggestions?

My ex (25) and I (24) broke up a couple days ago. He told me I did nothing wrong and it was because we were incompatible due to hobbies/me not liking cities and travel. I reassured him that those differences were misunderstandings and I would like them and he said he believed me. Then he and I had sex for the first time (we were together long, but I had decided to lose my virginity that night and so I did), he stayed the night and said he might stay the weekend. then he left in the morning and said he was confused. He said he would think about everything I said and get back to me in two weeks with an answer.
I’ve done a lot of reflection and realized he was probably exaggerating the importance of the incompatibility thing. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma and had low self esteem and that led me to being selfish and having issues with hearing criticism, and when he would bring this up I would cry and make everything into a huge deal. I thought things were going well because he stopped complaining, but I realized it was because he couldn’t share it with me. I also believe he loved me and didn’t want me to spiral and think I was a bad person, so he didnt say it.
I’ve also experienced a lot of healing from trauma through having sex with him and with how compassionate he was during the breakup. It would take a whole post to explain. I’ll just say I feel so confident and actually love myself despite the breakup.
He truly is considering us getting back together, I believe him. But I also want my realization of my problems and my healing to be a part of that choice. I need advice on how long to wait and how I should say it. The longest I’ll wait is a week. I don’t want him to make the decision before he hears this, because I’m worried he won’t change his mind after he decides. Would sooner be appropriate? I assume probably not.
I really believe this could fix it. I won’t fuck up again. He said he still loves me. And when he left, he kept coming back to me and hugging and kissing me. Probably five times. And we were so passionate before he left. I just need to time this right and say the right things.I hope I’m not delusional here.

Last night I was tending bar and a customer sitting in front of my well, who I had been having a perfectly normal conversation with up until that point, reached across the bar, grabbed my hand without warning, and started kissing all over it. I recoiled, but in the moment, totally failed to say anything other than a semi-joking, “I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink.”
The thing is, after we had closed - about 20 minutes after, when every single customer and all my coworkers had gone - he came BACK through the unlocked side door, after clearly trying the locked front door (I heard someone pulling at it), and proceeded to walk over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He then asked when I got off, and if I wanted to come hang out with him when I was done. And mind you, this guy was not totally hammered - he came in sober, had two margs, and then paid and left. I was just flabbergasted. I had no idea what to say. I froze again. Eventually I got out that I have a boyfriend (I don’t, lol) and that we were closed, and he needed to leave now. He eventually left, but not before telling me I was “so beautiful” and that we “could have had a good time together.”
Should I have called out his creepy behavior? I close alone 2-4 nights a week, and the neighborhood is relatively safe, but being alone in a closed-down bar with a stranger who didn’t seem able to take no for an answer just completely freaked me out. Thank god he left without escalating, but what if the situation had gone another way?
So my question is this: what do I do to protect myself in the future? Get some mace? A small knife for my set of keys? Take some self-defense classes? Threaten to call the cops? I’m just at a total loss, and I can’t shake this icky feeling the interaction left me with. And the worst part is that, besides the fact that he came back, this is not the first time I've had to deal with this in the ten years I've been bartending. In fact, it's a pretty common occurrence. If you were in my position, how would you deal with men like this? How would you make yourself feel safe, alone late at night?
Any advice y’all have would be super, super appreciated. I just want to feel safe in my place of work.

Okay so basically one of my friends this morning expressed she was going to end her life. I was obviously worried and contacted her and her sister (don’t trust parents or wanna cause drama, I know her sister wouldn’t do anything crazy) to see if she was okay. This was over text and phone calls btw. When I scrolled back down the messages I noticed that my friends were having a completely different conversation and had ignored her. When I confronted them they said stuff like “oh I didn’t feel like helping because i was playing a game”, or “well i wanted to talk about that tv show”. I started getting really upset and angry, i told them how could they treat a friend this way. I wanted to say more but saying” what if she went through with it” was probably overkill. Ive shut off my phone and have been having panic attacks because this reminded me of my multiple suicide attempts (im recovered) where my ex best friend laughed at me and encouraged me and when i went through with it she didn’t even check to see if i was okay or intervene. The next day she told everyone we knew without a care for my privacy and didn’t even bother checking up on me. I still struggle to get over my attempts so this bothered me. I feel almost like my response to the situation might have been too rash? But then again what kind of friends ignore their suicidal friend

I'm a fun guy...extroverted in my circles and when needed, and extremely well spoken (also, when needed)... I fit in with most crowds. I can do black tie and the theatre and I can do blue jeans and a backyard bonfire. I have an eclectic taste in music, food and movies. I love the summer months but enjoy the winter holidays (especially Halloween and Thanksgiving). I'm funny and love others with a sense of humor. Laughing is a big deal for me, and my taste in "funny" can be pretty perverse at times lol... laughter is the best medicine. I'm a business owner, a racecar driver (not really, but I try to be lol), and I'm extremely good in the kitchen. I also love thrift shopping... it's one of those things that I find relaxing lol
I'm sick of the same thing everyday.. I need funny and smart people in my life that I can talk to who aren't crazy, tell it like it is, know when it's okay to scream something hilarious at the top of your lungs and know when to shut the hell up and wait a bit lol! I want someone with a healthy sexual drive (not saying I'm just here looking to DO you lol, but I've found that pretty much everyone with issues in that department [either always needing it, or never wanting it] end up needing to work on themselves more for various reasons and I'm at the point in my life where I just want something else...for reference, that used to be me, and I needed the time to work on myself... I'm past it lol).
I don't buy into social norms. I'm a proud ally of the LGBTQ community, I think stay-at-home parents are totally fine in our society, regardless of gender,, and I will NEVER pay a speed camera ticket, purely on principle..not that I get many, just saying 😉
If that sounds like someone you might want to be friends with DM me and we can learn more about one another!
LIKES: Family Gatherings - Music in Literally Every Genre (except death metal) - Cooking (and eating) - Period Dramas (specifically Outlander and Downton Abbey) - Comedy - Travel - Gardening - The Universe and deep non-religious spiritual discussion - Real Art and the History and Meaning within - History - Deep Conversation and Debate
DISLIKES: Politics - Narcissists - Reality TV - Celebrity Gossip - Winter (after the first few weeks) - Things/People who waste my (or other's) Time - Religious Conversation
Naturally, I'm much more complex than the words in my post, but if you like what you're reading, hit me up and learn more!
All the best,
GM

i hope everyone is having a good start to their week and had a good weekend!
i’ve deleted most of my social media so i’m usually on reddit to have a chat or youtube to have a laugh when i’m on my phone. i’ve been playing pokemon violet and fortnite a bit so if anyone wants to play together in the future let me know!
facts about me:

• i’m Jay (a nickname), 21 years old, 5’7, on the thick side
• i was born and raised in Ohio. i live with my mom and i’m currently not in school or working but hope to find a part time job soon.
• i enjoy the outdoors and everything about nature so i make it a goal most days to get out a take a walk or hike at the park
• • i’ve struggled with mental health a lot regarding depression and anxiety as at times it has gotten severe and still can
• my biggest dream is to be pregnant and eventually be a mother as well as a wife
• i adore cat have grown to love them very much. i’m okay with dogs but i dont necessarily like being around them.
• i’m a HSP so finding the right job can be hard for me and i can be sensitive
• i’m a picky eater so i enjoy the basics, cheese, french fries, veggies like cucumbers and bell peppers, a light meat and a great sauce
• i’m a romantic but also with a sense of reality
• i can be pretty reserved and dont have any friends besides my mom being my best one.

so, if you made it to the end, read everything i have talked about and still feel that you want to talk, feel free to send me a message or chat if you’re looking to talk to someone! 😄
https://imgur.com/gallery/5SCCh1e

This is the Sabbath Post for yesterday, which did not get posted as our power went out. 😋
Some thoughts on Christ's command: "he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." Lk 22
One thought is that we immediately have an example application: given Christ's great emphasis on this, the twelve were no doubt concerned, and wondered if the two swords they had among them were enough; and Jesus assured them that they were enough. So we can look at the circumstances of this case, and find some principles for why it was enough: for applying the command.
One of the most obvious reasons is that they were dirt poor; they may not have been able to buy another sword if they all sold all their garments. The command thus is not to sell all one's clothes and go without until one has enough money to buy a sword; rather it is this principle: it is God’s command that being well-armed and ready to fight must come before being well-clothed: it must be a higher priority.
Another thing is that they were a close-knit group, nearly always together. Having two of them armed with swords, one could go at the front, the other at the rear, one on this side and the other on that side, or fighting back to back, while the others could make their escape and bring other help.
Also, it was a group of fit men, who could no doubt hold their own with their staffs, or empty-handed in a pinch. So swords were less needful for them – but needful.
#SabbathPosts 2023/06/03

If I were to be fully honest with myself, I knew we would be forever, or we’d end in disaster. I think a part of you may have felt that, too. So why could we never meet each other in the middle. Perhaps, we were subconsciously unwilling to do so. From the moment we met, we were living on opposite ends of the spectrum. You were finding yourself and wanted freedom; I had been finding myself within my freedom but was now ready for partnership. And, truth be told, I was lonely. I think it was excruciatingly hard to admit the level of my own loneliness as I equated it to weakness within myself. I love being alone. I thrive in an environment where I have freedom and room to breathe. I’m fiercely independent and I take pride in that. But I’m still just a person and I must recognize the toll it takes on my spirit and, on my soul, to be so secluded. Having chosen to stay single and celibate for 5 years to work on myself and my life and my goals, changed my brain chemistry. And I would do it over and over again if I had to. While I learned invaluable lessons on my own inner strength and perseverance, I severely neglected the raw, emotional, intimate, creative, feminine being that is so deeply, me. I was starting to lose myself. The blatant lack of figures in my life was steadily becoming more than I could bear. The unbearable weight of nothing at all creates a whole new ache. So, there it is. I was lonely. Lonelier than I can describe. And then you showed up.
I have to say, I’ve developed a very toxic, on again/ off again relationship with dating apps. I have a habit of creating a profile and deleting it within 24 hours. There’s something slightly addicting to the extreme high and low of it all. I’ll go from feeling wildly confident and hopeful with a few matches and dozens upon dozens of people who like my profile, to quick disillusionment with every uninspired response from potential prospects. Perhaps this is what it’s like to have a gambling addiction. Every time I create a new profile, I’m buzzing with excitement that maybe, just maybe, this time I’ll meet “the one”. And even though the outcome is always a letdown, the thrill of the “what if”, alone, is enough to keep me coming back for more. The dopamine of maybes. And so, on this Thanksgiving night, when good food and quality family time should have been enough, Bumble was calling my name.
I made a profile. I even paid for the month-long subscription. This was a way to force myself to actually give it a shot instead of bowing out in the first 48. Can’t just delete the profile when I’ve literally invested in it. But I can’t deny that it did come with benefits. One of the incentives to get you to pay for their premium subscription is that it allows you to see everyone who has liked your profile without having to match with them first. I mean who doesn’t want to see that? It’s this particular perk that made it possible for our paths (profiles) to cross, in the first place.
So, how is it that my willingness to throw away $50 on this night, somehow led us straight into each other’s lives? If I hadn’t seen that you liked my profile, I never would have swiped right on you. And it’s not for any reason you may be thinking. While I was scrolling through to see who was seemingly interested in little ole me, I saw your picture. I was instantly intrigued. You stood out. Handsome, stylish, a former fellow Paul Mitchell Future Professional. As surface level as a profile is, you seemed like a very interesting person; someone infinitely cooler than me and you certainly didn’t appear to have a hard time finding someone to take the spot next to you. If I hadn’t seen that you liked my profile, I would have just swiped left thinking there was no way someone like you would be interested in someone like me. Another missed connection, lost to the void of the internet because of my own insecurity. But not on this night. Because on this night, I threw caution and fifty bucks to the wind, and we matched, and I messaged you and you messaged back.
The small talk was easy with you. You were sweet and charming. Very quickly our small talk turned into essays upon essays of messages, and it only got better once I gave you, my number. From sunup to far past sundown, we were in constant communication, and I looked forward to every text. It seemed like you were truly interested in getting to know everything about me and I assure you, I was truly interested in getting to know all about you. You really were a breath of fresh air. It hadn’t been easy to find someone I could chat with like that, for quite some time. And it was thrilling. It was refreshing. It was new. I felt seen. I felt heard. For the first time in such an agonizingly long time, I saw possibility. I remember thinking to myself that even if this didn’t pan out in a romantic sense, I at least had found an amazing new friend. Someone new and beautiful to be a part of my life.
Even though we had been hitting it off right from the jump and even though I had been so taken with you, I had to do my due diligence. As a single woman and single mother with a lot to lose, anytime someone new comes into my life, it’s always a good idea to know who I’m speaking with. Personally, I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to do a little digging when someone new enters their life. You can call it paranoia, but I just call it safety.
First, I did what anyone would do, and I searched social media. No Facebook and I couldn’t find an Instagram with your first and last name. Just your Snapchat as it was listed on your Bumble profile. So, then I tried google. It’s truly scary how much you can find on someone with very basic information. In a couple of searches, I found your middle name. I know this sounds like stalker territory, but the only reason I even wanted to know your full name was so I could search a particular state website. For anyone’s protection, I’d recommend it. So, I did. Honestly, I thought I was just wasting my time and being overly cautious, but in a couple of clicks, there it was. Your torrid past laid out in front of me. It scared me. Terrified me. I’ll even admit that I cried in frustration when I found it all. I cried because it just solidified what I had already been feeling; you were too good to be true. I sat with this information for a while and eventually decided, against any instinct inside of me, to still give it a chance. Give you a chance.
Finally, you asked me out. It wasn’t a typical date, but it was an easy way to meet you in person for the first time. To say I was nervous was a vast understatement, but I was also just as giddy. At this point, I’d damn near forgotten the fluttery rush of pending first impressions and I rode the high all day long. Instead of going out to dinner and a movie, you came over to my house for dinner and a root touch up. When I got the “I’m here” text, I’m pretty sure my soul left my body. I never asked you how you felt the day leading up to our meeting. Were you as nervous as I was? I like to think and hope that our energies were vibrating on the same frequencies, that day, but I may have been the only one so hopeful. When I saw you in person the first time, I thought you were just as handsome, if not more, standing in the light of my front porch. Admittedly, most of my nervousness stemmed from the thought that you might have been disappointed when you saw me in person. Perhaps, you were, but if that were the case, you hid your disenchantment, well.
I cooked spaghetti that night. You ate two bowls. You kept telling me how delicious it was and even though it took absolutely nothing for me to prepare the meal, I was charmed by how grateful you were. After we ate, I did your hair. I picked out a funny podcast to listen to in the background. I thought that if conversation died, we could listen in unawkward silence and hopefully you’d think it was as funny as I did. To my surprise, the conversation didn’t die at all. In fact, us talking over the podcast just became distracting, so I turned it off, altogether. Eventually, it was time to wash your hair. To make up for the fact that you had to be bent over in an extremely uncomfortable way, I attempted to give you a decent scalp massage while I shampooed. Because of the odd angle, it was a clumsy attempt, at best, but I still hoped you liked it. It’s funny to me that the whole time I couldn’t help but think how oddly intimate it was washing your hair in my kitchen sink. But I think I’m just weird. After that, we moved to the couch. You were sitting on one end, and I was sitting on the other. No music, no podcasts, no tv, just us. It seemed like we discussed anything and everything. If there was a lull in the conversation, you’d just stare at me with a soft smile and assured me that this silence was peaceful, and you were enjoying it. But, every time I met your gaze, I could feel myself blushing, so I grabbed my blanket and kept holding it up to my face. You said I was being cute. Even long after this first meeting, I’d always feel so exposed, so vulnerable, when I’d catch you looking at me like that. Despite my bashfulness, I was more comfortable with you than I’d been with another person in a very long time. I even had the courage to bring up my sleuthing and the things I had found. You took it very well and even thanked me for my honesty. You told me everything, sparing no details. You took ownership of the things you had done and placed blame where you felt was deserved. It was matter of fact with an edge of remorse. I commended your vulnerability and willingness to share. I left the conversation feeling very pleased with my decision to hear you out. And I was proud of your seemingly incredible amount of self-awareness.
Eventually, I had to cut our night off. I had to work the next day and it was nearly one in the morning. You didn’t try to kiss me. You gave me a hug before you left and assured me that you had a great night. I thought, for sure, you weren’t interested after meeting me in person, but I was just so happy that I’d have you as a friend, that any bruise on my ego wasn’t even felt. Afterwards, our texts continued as normal, and it would only be a few short days before you came over again.
The next time you came over, any doubt that I may have had about you being attracted to me or being interested, was put to rest. This time we watched movies. Or maybe just a show I had on. I can’t remember. My brain was too fixated on how closely you were sitting next to me. How close your hand was getting to mine. How our pinkies finally brushed against each other. How you gained the courage, for both of us, to grab my hand and I was so thankful you did. Eventually, the movie or show ended, and we started talking. The nervousness and building tension were palpable. I was screaming in my head “kiss me”. When you finally turned to face me, you just stared at me and smiled, still holding my hand, and then you asked if it’d be okay if you kissed me. I answered with a desperate “yes” that sounded far more pathetic than I like to admit. To my own surprise, I let my body take charge. Without even thinking, I dropped your hand and immediately grabbed for you. One hand on your chest and the other on the side of your face. Our first kiss was not soft and timid like you may have expected. In fact, I felt I may have surprised you. I certainly surprised myself. Our first kiss was fervent and laced with aching desire. At least, that’s how it was for me. And it didn’t take long for me to invite you to my bedroom.
Neither of us were prepared, so we didn’t have sex that night, which was okay. Once we were in the bedroom, I began to feel overwhelmed. But you were so patient and reassuring. When we did finally have sex for the first time, it was absolutely incredible. I never told you this, but it was possibly the most intense sexual experience I've had in my life, thus far, and it was very emotionally charged, for me. You were the first person I’d been with in five years. Up until then, I had wondered if I’d ever be capable of being intimate with someone, again. But I trusted you implicitly. Effortlessly. You made me feel so safe. Before every kiss, before every touch, you made sure to ask me if it was okay. If I wanted to stop at any moment, I knew I could speak up without fear of any form of retaliation or passive aggressive behavior. But I didn’t want to stop. I wanted you; all of you. I wanted us. And God, how beautiful you made me feel even though I was so intensely insecure about my body. You made sure I was comfortable. Comfortable with myself; comfortable with you. You took your time with everything you did. The sensation of it all was overwhelming in the best way possible. The sensation of you was almost more than I could stand. To be completely honest, it felt like losing my virginity, all over again. You were so patient and understanding. So caring and passionate. And from that moment on, you had me wrapped around your finger; just where you wanted me.