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I have been acting in a way towards a friend I really care about that hurt them a lot. I have known her for 4 years and we have been in touch for all of it, never going much more than a month without talking.
I kept getting frustrated that she was ignoring some of my messages, which really hurt my feelings, that I came off as demanding and perhaps possessive. I made her feel guilty when she really did not do anything wrong at all. This has been happening for a month and a half or so.
She confided in me that she was upset about the way I had phrased a few things two nights ago; I responded as soon as I saw and I realized later in the day that my response was actually quite bad. I basically ended it by saying "I want to be emotionally close to you, but I would like to know if you feel the same. Can you let me know? It's ok if it is a no" and I phrased it as "you have not done anything that you are not in your rights to do so" instead of "you did not do anything wrong and I should be the one who feels guilty and I am sorry." Overall, it was too forceful, not understanding, and demanding too much with loaded questions.
I let her know last night that I knew my response was hot garbage and that I would revise it in the morning.
I recorded a message early this morning, and I feel as though I said the right things. I told her that she has nothing to feel guilty about since she has never done anything remotely wrong, that I have been a bad friend, and that I am sincerely sorry. I admitted to her that the reason I have been acting possessive and weird is that I do actually quite like her, and that I recognize that I need to deal with those feelings since she is in a relationship with someone else, someone whom she confides in my about due to all the issues she's had with this person. I told her that I felt it would be healthy if I took a hiatus from talking to each other until the end of the semester at least and that I can touch base with her then if she would like.
She got this message, and she replied with four short video messages. The first was her saying that she had the suspicion that I may have liked her. The second was that she never harbored romantic feelings for me and that she is not sure that she is capable of doing so since she has such a hard time getting close to people, and that she does not see us as compatible. The third was what really upset me: she said that she really only sees me as an AQUAINTENCE not a friend, which shocked me to the core since we have had so many conversations over the years, have gone on picnics together, accompanied me to school dances, etc. The rest of her messages used terms like "friend" and "friendship" but the use of the word acquaintance in the one disturbs me. The fourth was her saying that although it may seem too harsh, that is genuinely how she feels. She was not clearly upset over what I had to say, and was calm in her demeanor.
I responded first by thanking her for her honesty but also let her know that her use of the word acquaintance really bothered me because I thought I meant more to her. I asked if I could call her and she said "I would prefer it if you would not." I sent another text about wishing I meant more to her and she blew up on me.
Like with some of the longest messages I have ever seen, saying how she feels I put too much pressure on her, that I put words in her mouth by using phrases like "you may feel like that because," and that I "cannot be trusted." She said I have made her feel small, and told me not to talk to her.
I never did anything intentionally to hurt her and was genuinely apologetic. We eventually reached a somewhat understanding. She said she wasn't mad, and that she really only had 2 people in high school she really considers friends, that she knows it may sting but it's true, that she didn't want to see me spiral because of this, etc. She never accepted my apology, which I know she has no obligation to do and I am not upset at her that she didn't. I also let her know that my feelings have ebbed and flowed and that I find them hard to understand sometimes. I just hope she's not hurt by what I said.
We agreed that it was best that we did not talk for a while. I asked how long and she said she did not know considering she has been telling me how busy she'll be in the upcoming months. I told her in the original recording that I was planning on deactivating my Instagram (primary mode of contact, although I have her phone number) for a period of time until the end of the semester anyways, so I did that after telling her that I have no hard feelings and that she should not worry about me.
That was where the conversation left, and I feel devastated. She was one of the only people I felt truly connected with since I have such a hard time connecting with people and we have so much in common. I would consider her one of my closest friends before all of this, and I am feeling empty. I have had a hard time eating and sleeping.
She confided in me back in November that it was hard for her the summer out of high school when we all scattered across the country. I invited her to hang out with me and our mutual friend over break (she is closer to me than she is to him) and she agreed that it would be really fun. I never followed up (since I deactivated my account to unplug, and the number I had for her, which is now updated, was outdated) and it did not wind up happening. Everything was fine until I admitted to her that I missed her in February, which is when she started being more aloof with me, and is when I invited her to hang out with just me this summer.
I think my plan is that I will reactivate my Instagram once I have finished the semester and give her the opportunity to be the one to contact me first, although I am not sure if I should contact her first or not. I think that the fact that I have to face is that, if she does not contact me, I should just leave her alone and that is the end of the road for our friendship.
Does anyone have any recommendations on what to say to her so as to salvage the friendship? How to make her feel safe with me again?
Can anyone help me understand if she really meant acquaintance in that way? She has always been relatively slow to let people in, and I don't know if I should take it personally. I recognize that she has her own personal issues as do I.
I really tried my best to make sure that we both felt ok but it turns out that neither of us are happy.
TL;DR I hurt a friend who was important to me and I am devastated that our friendship is in such a state since I care about her a lot.

It took time before I could remember from that day, but the body keeps the score. You didn't wanted to go because you felt weird, instinct was kicking your guts. You were scared and it was very hot outside in september at Dubaï. While talking about getting black to the airport some taxi guy pulled up and offered us the ride to the beach nearby, we got on not knowing we were about to get robbed. Looking over I knew you were gone, freezed from stress, not understanding everything being said as we talked english. We thought they were nice people, helping us, giving us clothes and buying us food because we didn't have any of those anymore. They took us to the mall and there we discussed about things being off. They kept insisting on buying us things, we could have had anything, but we knew they've been working hard to get off Jordania and Algeria's misery. In the evening we ate at this barbecue restaurant, we talked about religion too. We left and got to see Dubaï night atmosphere, it was really insteresting but we got tired, suddently real tired. In fact I don't even remember us getting in the car. Night flew by and flashs is all I got this point. Dark alley, my shorts seems to be gone. I was seating next to the driver, fighting to stay awake. Eventhough we were not together anymore, I had to protect you as you were my friend and I was the one guilty of all this disaster. I looked at you in the back of the car, vision's blurry but your head is laying on his lap, he is stroking your hair and I can see your shirt pulled down, part of your chest exposed while it should have not. I fought against the tiredness but I couldn't speak anymore. We were stuck with them for the night far away from home. I can't see where we're parked, it's pitch black outside and I still fell asleep. Next morning we woke up just in time for our flight back home. Anger, shame and pain is all i'm feeling. We talked a bit about it but didn't told you everything I knew, hoping you'll get past it. Dealing myself with the feeling of dirt all around my body. I watched you and I going bitter as months went by, then we went apart. This was not the first time we hurted each other nor got into bad stuff but I knew this one night we would never fully recover from.

Game Details
Draconis Strain Saga is a triology of cinematic gameplay released by ALIEN RPG that is divided into three different scenarios:
Chariot of the Gods: Space trucker crew who carries an exceptional cargo intercepts a signal in the middle of deep space. And you know, if you get a signal and do not investigate it, you get penalty of total forfeiture of shares. What will you find with that singal and what kind of mystery awating for your is the main theme of the game.
Destroyer of Worlds: The mission was a manhunt, the objectives clear—track down four fugitives, recover any assets they may have made off with, and keep ‘em all out of enemy hands. Go find them on a frozen moon full of hostiles and get it done on the eve of war.
Nothing you couldn’t handle.
But what it is that these bastards stole—and how the hell it got inside them—is another thing altogether. It’s all above your paygrade, marine—but somehow you’re the one who’s got to deal with it. Of course, now there’s an invasion fleet incoming, and there’s something else, too—something much worse. Something out there hates you—hates everyone. Something big and ugly. Something with metal teeth—and you’re pretty sure it ain’t alone. Yeah, the mission was supposed to be a simple manhunt. Instead it turned out to be just another glorious day in the corps.
Heart of Darkness: The company found a new lifeform, and they want you to study it. Their offer’s uncharacteristically generous—you catalog this organism, determine how they can use it, and bring it back so they can slap their patent on it. Fairly routine stuff. In exchange, they’ll hook you up with a cushy corporate department head position, secure you a book deal, and make sure the institute of your choice gives you tenure. Did I mention the money? There’s a lot of it. Simple survey, sample, and analysis job. Seemed too good to be true.
Of course, it is.
They neglected to tell you this alien life was found by a work crew on a lonely space station sitting on the razor edge of a black hole. They also forgot to mention that the station crew is a prison workforce—composed of murderers, thieves, and the robot guards who wrangle them.
This isn’t some minor singularity. It’s devouring its sister stars in a cacophony of swirling plasma, gamma rays, and death. Extremophile or not, what the hell can live in all that? Whatever it is, it’s got to be different from anything we’ve encountered before—something strange. Something alien.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Every scenario has their own story that merges together to create Draconis Strain Saga. And every story has their own pre-generated characters and personal agendas. I'm planning to run a session zero for introducing the game mechanics and Fantasy Grounds Unity environment, and when we finish the introduction, we can jump into the game in the same session as well.
Player Details
Time: 5PM GMT (check the website below to be sure) Players: 0/5 Experience: Beginners are welcome, but please focus on your character's roleplay Cost: $20 per player per session Duration: Around 3 hours per session Age: You should be 18+ to join, because of bad language and dirty jokes
Application and Contact Links
You can check my GM page for other games as well. I have lots of game announcements.
GM Page Game Page

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 66%. (I'm a bot)

"Many are mortgage prisoners and a mortgage prisoner is unable to refinance because of the serviceability buffers."
Research from financial comparisons site Canstar shows that almost one-quarter of owner-occupiers making principal and interest repayments are on rates in excess of 6.5%. This compares to mortgage rates in the market as low as 4.7%. "For borrowers still in sound enough financial shape to refinance, an interest rate above 6.5% should be blaring alarm bells and sending them off to a bank for a better deal," said Canstar group executive, Steve Mickenbecker.
A homeowner with a $500,000 mortgage would pay an additional $570 a month on a rate of 6.5% compared to the lowest rates in the market.
Rating agency Fitch found last week that there was an increase in mortgage holders falling more than 30 days behind in repayments, which it said may "Indicate that borrowers are beginning to face stress due to inflation and rising interest rates".
The predicament facing mortgage prisoners has sparked calls for the serviceability buffer, which is overseen by the banking regulator, to be reviewed to allow customers on uncompetitive rates to switch lenders.
Reserve Bank modelling shows that at current interest rates, about 15% of mortgaged households with variable rates would experience "Negative cashflow", which refers to spending outstripping income.

Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: rate^#1 Mortgage^#2 lender^#3 repayments^#4 buffer^#5
Post found in /worldnews, /AusFinance, /TheColorIsBlue, /AutoNewspaper and /GUARDIANauto.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.

In my previous post, I talked about how you can program yourself - change your ingrained perspective and beliefs - through journaling.
I'm glad many people liked it, but now I want to share some examples of what I personally do to help you do it how I do it.
(Last Post in this subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/productivity/comments/123ll6e/how_6_years_of_journaling_affected_my_life/)
(I wrote new comments if you're interested.)
It's important to note that these are just things that work for me. It's like dancing, but the dance is tailored to my body and taste. Everyone's body is different, and they may have different preferences, although there may be similarities.
I want to encourage you to experiment and find what works for you.
I've tried to explain in this post as clear as possible with examples and metaphores how the subconscious mind works and what are perspectives, and how can you use it not only in productivity, but in every way in your life.
This is an extremely useful tool for self-improvement. It is real.

I pay attention to the negative and unpleasant feeling within me, and make myself conscious of it.

I'm very aware when I don't feel good. I never ignore this feeling. Our emotions won't disappear if we don't deal with them, they'll just fade into the background.
As people age, they can become increasingly negative if they're not emotionally strong enough. Hobbies, sports, art, and books can help overcome negative perspectives.
But with journaling, you can directly and consciously rewrite negative beliefs effectively.

Understanding the subconscious is important before "programming".

Imagine your subconscious as an echo. Have you ever been to a concert all day, and when you got home it was quiet, but the music continued to play in your head? Or, like me, when working in a call center and having to repeat a sentence, it kept repeating in my head by the end of the day.
(This is why it's dangerous for young people to watch low-quality hating content, because it repeats in the subconscious and they pick up that behavior pattern.)
The subconscious is an echo, a machine that repeats your thoughts.
If you are nervous for a long time, you need to consciously think calming thoughts for a long time so that the calm echo is stronger than the nervousness' echo.

An example of deprogramming: how to stop swearing.

Have you ever had to stop swearing, for example?
You automatically say a swear word every time, then you can change it by realizing before you say it: "Oh, I would swear! I'll say something else now!" At first, you may not have had the energy to do this because it happened so quickly - you were on autopilot - so you could only say afterwards to make yourself conscious - "Oops, I swore!"
When you are able to stop the impulse and say a new word instead of swearing, you are actually rewriting your behaviour. Very simple. This is what programming means - you are rewriting the way you talk, think, behave.
You need to do this with all of your negative perspectives and habits.
1. Get conscious of the bad behaviour / negative thought
2. Stop the before the impulse (or remind you after the impulse happened, what you should have done instead)
3. Act differently / think something neutral or positive, or continue the negative into positive (ex: I am not productive... But I am doing my best, and I'm getting better.)
4. Repeat until it becomes unconscious! Then the reprograming is done, and the new program is "running!"
To be effective, it's good to understand the source of your feelings and explore your entire inner world.

By writing a journal, you can become conscious of your negative perspective more easily. But if you don't paint a positive/neutral image, your programming will be less effective.

Imagine that your mother scolds you, telling you not to do this or that. She tells you what NOT to do, what's bad about it.
Do you know what to do from that? If a person wants to go on a date and only lists what they DON'T want, do you know what they want? What would make them happiest, what they are attracted to? Because we only know what they don't want.
This is very important in understanding your subconscious.

Your subconscious mind has the opportunity to orient itself towards that positive goal if you write a neutral/positive perspective.

Imagine waking up and being reminded about the things you hate but you must do. If you only think about those, you'll sure hate you life and just repeat, because the same path is presented to you to live your life.
Writing neutrally is good for people who are really low on life. It's easer to decrease negativity and suffering, instead of changing your life to positive. But if you are able, thinking about what you CAN do to see things in positive perspective, do it.
Journaling is a practice that allows you to concentrate on creating this picture for yourself.
When a child is learning, they don't get motivated by listing their mistakes and what they got wrong on their test.
But if you tell them what can be better, what could be done differently, what's more accurate, then you give them a positive direction.

Lets get to the technical stuff: It's best to write in your journal in the morning and then in the evening.

I write spontaneously throughout the day because many information needs to be organized. But I always write in the morning, it helps me a lot.
At this time, you're either half-asleep or still in a malleable state of mind, and journaling can have an impact on your whole day. Your mind is easier to program this time.
I check in with myself. What am I feeling? What am I afraid of? What is causing discomfort? What are my tasks for the day?
With practice, you can identify these feelings more accurately. The task after is to write about the opposite - how will you handle this situation? What will you do to overcome this fear?

Example! Laziness/afraid of work due to perfectionism - which was a big problem for me.

I'm going to give a real example of a problem in my life that sometimes resurfaces - when it does, I repeat this process. Nowadays it's never that bad anymore, but I have still things to work on.
It's like going to the gym, once you stop, slowly you get weaker, so you need to repeat.
I'm in the morning, I take out my journal and write what I feel. It's mostly automatic for me now, as I've done it so much, but I'll describe it in more detail like I used to do with many questions.
I'm afraid to start the day. There's so much to do, and it's so hard. I don't feel like it.
Why don't I feel like it? What's so hard?

I have to write. And I need to tidy up... Maybe what I write won't be good enough. And I can't achieve a perfectly organized room, it would take too long. I'm just clumsy at what I'm doing and I feel incapable, producing only bad work. My body is tired and I feel like I don't get any reward from doing anything.

After I write this, I switch to another state of mind. It's as if I were someone else, comforting myself. And I analyze my text.

What is the strange statement in it? What is distorted, what feels wrong? What is the perspective that is opposite to this twisted perspective?

Then I write a text with a very correct way of thinking for myself. I describe why writing is beautiful, why it's good to tidy up, why what I do is good.
This is the moment of transformation.

I don't have to write. I don't have to tidy up. I can live without them. I don't have to do anything, but there will be consequences if I just lie down. Do I want to lie down forever? What kind of life would that be? Empty, meaningless. It's good for me because at least I can occupy myself with something. And it doesn't have to be perfectly tidy, or perfectly written. It's enough if I just write what's in me, and it succeeds as it does. At least I wrote something, and at least I tidied up roughly. Tomorrow I'll tidy up a little more and write again, and over time it will improve every day. The reward is that I write more refined over time, and later I can even make money from it. And the good thing about being organized is that it makes me feel organized, and I learn self-discipline from it. This strengthens what will always be with me: my character. So, my task for today is: tidying up for 1 hour and writing 3 articles. Then I can rest: walk, talk with my friends. So I am improving today too!

Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius also wrote a book where he similarly "comforted" and motivated himself. It can be called a form of meditation.
It could be my problem every day for long days - I just don't feel like doing anything.
At times like these, I don't just write a paragraph in my journal about it, but a proper article for myself. I call them Texts To Self. In these, I fully analyze my mind, my way of thinking, and reality.

A tip for beginners: go deeper on what you feel, why, where does it come from, and why do you think its true?

I analyzed myself this way for years when I was in my teens. This made me be aware of everything in myself.
What am I afraid of?
Going to work because my colleagues are negative and blame me when things go wrong.
Why am I afraid of this?
Because it makes me feel bad.
Why do I feel bad when someone says something negative to me? (I will write it again to see it from outside perspective)
Because I feel what they say is true.
Why, what is the evidence for this?
Because I messed up something last time.
And haven't others messed up anything? (expanding perspective, comparing to others)
Haven't you done good things as well? (thinking about the good instead of only the bad)
Don't you deserve praise for that, not just blame for the bad? (questioning the environment's logic)
Why would you deserve to feel bad if you make a mistake? (questioning fundamental beliefs)
Don't you deserve guidance that helps and motivates you? Wouldn't you work more carefully then? (questioning the envrionment, if they truly wanted me to do better why aren't they helping?)
Others have messed up a lot of things around me, even more than me. And I have fixed many things for them, but I never blamed them. When I do something good, they don't even mention it or say anything, they just scold me like a child. But I want to work well, and they don't help, so they can't expect this from me, and I don't deserve to feel shameful or guilty, because my intentions are good. They are just worsening the situation.
Then why do you feel bad?
I don't know.
When you reach the point of realizing that you don't even understand why you feel an irrational emotion, you are on the right track.
If you do it well, your negative emotions will surprisingly fade away.
(But this could also mean, you need to think more, ask other type of questions and go deeper)

Yes, I mean it seriously - if you do it enough and well enough, you will REALLY realize that it is unreasonable for you to feel bad. I've done this for years, everyday literally analyzing all of my thoughts when I could.

When I didn't have a journal with me, I just did this in my head.
I've gone through big personality changes these times when I was a teen, because I realized that everything I thought is just an assumption, yet my subconscious mind accepted it as true. So I felt wrong, even when I didn't need to at all!
Imagine how many people feel bad even when it's completely irrational!
And how many people is angry at others, and hurting them instead of giving a helping hand to cooperativly reach the common goal.

Example to reorder to neutrality a negative distorted perspective:

It's not always easy to see things from a positive perspective, especially in challenging situations. In these cases, try to make your negative perspective neutral instead.
For example, let's say you didn't do well on a school assignment. You may feel like it's a catastrophe, but instead of focusing on the negative, you can say to yourself:

It's just words on paper, nothing is actually happening to me. I can't predict how bad my future will be, and it's just my imagination. In the past, I've worried about terrible things that never happened, so maybe this situation isn't as bad as I think it is.

Or if you're thinking about past mistakes, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Think about how common it is and provide many examples from real life.
Cognitive distortions tend to magnify small, everyday issues and make them negative. By balancing them out with a positive or neutral perspective, you can see things more healthily.

Negative mental images can be challenging obstacles, but by transforming them, it becomes easier to get up, complete tasks, and achieve your goals.

If someone has humiliated you, try to think objectively about the situation and write down your thoughts. For example:

Someone said negative things to me. This is their perspective, and others may not agree with it. If more people knew me well, they would likely understand me better. Just because someone has an opinion doesn't mean it's an objective reality.

Apply this approach to many aspects of your life.
Stoic books can especially be helpful to look things from another perspective.
I read Seneca's and Epictetus' writing many times.

A positive perspective is one in which you focus on the benefits of what you're doing and what happened to you, how can you take advantage.

For example, if you're a designer working every day and afraid if you won't land a job and it might be a waste of time, think:

Eventually someone will like your work and hire you for a good position. This is statistically likely. If it doesn't happen, then you can try something else, such as updating your portfolio, watching videos, talking with others about what works. You are always improving your chances with these.

This way you don't remain in your negative static state. You think about the new things you are doing to go forward.

If you feel hurt, you have a chance to learn to emotionally balance yourself. If you got beaten, life is reminding you: you should learn kung-fu to protect yourself. If something is going negatively in your life, it means, you need to bring awareness there and more positive change.

These projects a pattern that suggests that negative situations can be improved, and even turned into positives.
You're capable of doing this, and as you practice, your positive perspective will grow in your daily life.
We don't want the false empty positivity. We don't want to lie to ourselves how good everything is and ignoring the bad. It's about understand that the bad actually shows us something good we can use. Always stay realistical and practical.

Another example for journaling-reprogramming-meditation from me: about perfectionism.

There have been times when I have delved into what perfectionism means to me. What I feel, how I see it. Here is a text I wrote to myself, just to show you my practice.

Perfectionism is actually hindering. Those who take action will go much further than those who plan endlessly without doing anything, trying to be perfect. What are the consequences if something is not perfect? Nothing. Some people will like it, some won't. But this will always be the case, no matter how perfectly you do it. But at least you are doing something. You make progress day by day and you are learning. It's better to go and work out for ten minutes every day and get used to it, rather than just planning to work out and not doing anything. If I think about it, I won't do it, and nothing will happen. If I do it, I am learning and it can be enjoyable. If I do it, there is progress, no matter how flawed it may be. If I want to be truly perfect, I have to accept that what I am doing is imperfect. Do it without thinking, do it before you're ready.

I write articles for myself while thinking about quotes, example:
- There are no mistakes, only progress and learning.
- Atleast I am producing something, instead of zero.
- Action takers get results, the one who overthinks don't.
I wrote texts like this to myself every day to finally let go of unproductive perspective and start doing what I want to do. Of course, there are many others, on different topics, but I chose this one for now.

Better than motivational videos. This is active change in your thinking, not a passive momentary motivation.

Motivational videos provide a positive perspective, but it doesn't stick and you don't internalize it. However, with journaling and repetition, you do. It's personalized to you, and you can rewrite your negative perspectives with it.
Motivational videos only give you a good mood, strength, and a positive outlook on life. They can help, but it's like reading a general psychology text instead of having a personal session with a psychologist who focuses on you.

Feedback, Questions

Thank you all for writing comments, sharing my post and asking questions. This is the first time I started posting my thoughts on these topics and what I do in my personal life.
It was great to see that so many people like it and that it helped! :)
I'm thinking about writing a template you can download with organized and concentrated questions.
Ask freely, I try to answer in the comments or with a new post, with some delay.

Welcome to a new week sober pals! This is our weekly thread where we talk about how sobriety is helping us to move toward our fitness/wellness/diet goals. Or we vent when we're not seeming to make progress. It’s a good spot to talk about the last week, set some intentions for this coming week, and chat with others who are on their own journey as well!
How did everyone do this week? I personally succeeded in my goals, but I admittedly am leaning in a pretty big support system in my life to be getting where I am every day. I am not doing this alone, nor do I think I really could. Things kinda of started changing for me when I consistently started treating all my wellness goals like I do my sobriety. Goals, rules, strict black and white parameters. It’s not always the “easiest” way to live, but it does keep me moving forward on becoming the best version of me!
Do you have anything holding you back from meeting your goals? Mostly for me, time and motivation are what I struggle with. When I don’t make the time to focus on my fitness, or I don’t meal prep- I lose my motivation when things get hectic. So I like to focus on some good old fashion time management. This post is usually the start of it for me each week. A to do list/goal list for the week that I “check off” as I go is a close second.
Feel free to share a quote that helps you reach your goals. Best of luck to everyone! Keep up the amazing work, please be sure to let each other know how awesome you’re all doing! Even just coming here to read today is a big step. Have a great week, friends!

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First i want to say that i was just entertaining myself, i know it probabilly is not the best concept.
​
"Not all battles are won with great weapons, not all screams go unnoticed by sinking them into more noise."
Some problems are solved with precision and silence.
A wind that takes away all those who repudiate us. An instrument, whose music silences dissent.
He is the "who" when they shout "Who's there?"
SIMO."
​
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Passive, Hunter's Tenacity: When landing a headshot Simo's movement speed, reload speed, fire rate, and critical chance are increased.
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Trench: Holding the key, Simo throws a harpoon (similar to Valkyr's) to move agilely. By pressing it, Simo will move to the point and stay there until he moves again, while he is on that point his armor, shield and health increase. If used on a wall, Simo will remain anchored to the wall until he moves again.
​
Tactical Retreat: Simo drops a gas bomb that stuns enemies dealing gas damage, turning you and allies in affinity range invisible and silencing your sounds. During the first 3 seconds of invisibility "Trench" does not cost energy.
​
Arsenal: Simo can alternate between 4 types of ammunition that will add status to the weapons: "Corrosive, viral, explosive and radioactive" Once the ability is activated, enemies will have to be killed to increase its duration (like 3 gyre) and in case the duration expires, the ability will take 40 seconds to be able to be used again. This ability does not apply to breath weapons or meeles.
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Hayha Rifle: The armor on Simo's shoulders detaches and rearms to form a powerful Exalted Sniper Rifle. "Arsenal" applies to this ability.
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"Tactical Retreat" Augment: Disruption: While the ability lasts nearby enemies will take magnetic damage and be briefly stunned when in range.
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Helminth: "Tactical Retreat"

I’m 23, and I can’t drive.
I’m 23, and I’ve never had a job for more than a year.
I’m 23, and I haven’t started my career.
All fairly ‘normal-ish’ things that everyone deals with but I feel like my ADHD has really pushed these life experiences further from me because I’m trying, but it’s not going anywhere. I don’t really understand time, I had the goal to drive since I was 20, which STILL feels like that’s today, but it’s not. I’m 23 now, which means it been 3 years??
Where was I?
My friends have already achieved the above stuff between 16/17 to now. Some have kids and are in long term relationships, but I still feel like I’m 17, and ‘I found a really cool job that pays weekly, and is part time’. That’s not an achievement anymore- I don’t care about societies standards, I care about MINE. I want the above, but I never booked my theory, submitted the job app etc.
Anyone else feel like this. It’s not my age, it’s my mental age I can’t wrap my head around. Sometimes I act like I’m 17, sometimes I’m my 20’s- living my best life, in my 30s- ready to settle down or feel like I’m in my 80s, saying hey that’s life!
Anyway, I’m gonna go book my theory test. Currently reading the defining decade- ‘ why your twenties matter’ and hoping to find a sense of urgency.
✌🏽

Darius May was the owner of the large new "mixed-used" commercial building next door. Rumours had already begun swirling in local media that May, 36, planned to convert the disused building into a sex shop. The rumours were only half true. May not okay planned to open a sex shop, but also planned to open a "high-end" strip club in the same building and he had wasted no time submitting his application to planning authorities.
So, when local vicar Jeremy C. Johnson had received information from local authorities informing him of May's intentions and asking him, much like with every other local, whether he had any objections to the application, he was horrified. As the owner of St. Augustine The Holy Trinity Church - a large and imposing church originally built in 1906 - he was not ready to accept the establishing of a strip club immediately next door to his church. Although his congregation was now a small one - there were now 306 registered regular service attendees and a weekly average of 31 visitors and newcomers - he still felt that the religious community in the neighbourhood was a large one and attendance during holiday and special occasions such as Christmas, Easter and weddings and funerals, regularly saw attendees from the local area rise, albeit temporarily.
Johnson did not know this May too well, but he did hear that May appeared to own two other dex shops, one somewhere in the Midlands and another up in Chester, in Cheshire.
Johnson could not accept having a strip club opened right next to his church, so he objected to the planning application. Over the years, however, the demographics of the local area had been slowly changing as a new influx of "young economic and climate migrants" from Scandinavia, the Baltics and Eastern Europe had begun flooding in, slowly changing the face of the area as more and more of the elderly and retired in the community had begun to die. For some reason, this meant that there weren't as many objections as Johnson expected or would have liked. As such, authorities required a certain number of objections in order to require the application to be re-submitted, otherwise the application would eventually be accepted.
Panicking, Johnson visited several established locals in order to drum up support for resistance against the opening of the strip club. He also implored members of his congregation to write "strongly-worded" letters to their councillors and the local Member of Parliament to argue that businesses such as a sex club and a strip club did not "fit the character of the neighbourhood" and "had no place in the local area".
Johnson was well known for being a fiery pillar of the community in situations such as these. Back in 2009, Johnson had strongly resisted the opening of two 7/11 supermarkets directly besides his church. Following strong opposition - led by Johnson himself - applications to build a small Sainsbury's Local and a tiny ASDA had been rejected. If the applications had been accepted, it would have seen the church "surrounded" by new 7/11s. Luckily, to this day, St. Augustine The Holy Trinity Church still retained its character and still preserved its large square and space, helped not only by regular offerings from congregants but also funded from the very pockets of Johnson himself, who had reinvested some church funds in Manhattan Central Bank, an investment corporation based over in Atlantic City in New Jersey.
This time, however, was a little different. Nearly a decade and half had passed and the makeup of the local community was slightly different. A local primary school in the area had been shut down and relocated, thereby bolstering the strength of May's application; the age demographics had also sharply changed, with more younger childless couples from abroad moving in. An underground nightclub had also opened a couple of streets away and because it was a little far away, Johnson had not had any immediate objections to its opening, especially as it only planned to operate on Thursday and Friday nights "to cater to the rising student population". Perhaps, in hindsight, he should have voiced more opposition to the nightclub. Now, May had arrived and he had informed planning authorities that the opening of his sex shop and "high-end" strip club would "bring economic opportunities" to the local area and "create 14 new jobs" (2 more than both supermarkets in total had planned to create). May had also insisted that it would "attract more tourism and business investors" and "lead to a domino effect which would lead to more wealth being created in the local community".
When May had begun to hear of Johnson's rather vocal opposition to his business plans, he was at first intrigued by "this old man's" resistance to new ideas and "new energy being breathed into the area". And so, May had gone to visit Johnson one afternoon. Unbeknownst to May, Wednesday afternoons were usually reserved for a special "Feeding the homeless" event, where the homeless and poor would be invited to St. Augustine The Holy Trinity Church to visit the food bank and "also listen to a short sermon" and "receive a blessing from the vicar himself".
So, when May had turned up, dressed in a laid-back white silk shirt and some expensive jeans and leather trainers, Johnson had not immediately recognized him, but remarked how he clearly looked out of place amongst the homeless. The pair had then begun arguing, as two food bank volunteers tried to distract the attendees from the raised voices. Suffice to say, the pair did not get on at all and Johnson accused May of "trying to invade the area with immorality and sexual promiscuity".
"You may say otherwise, but everybody knows strip clubs are a clear gateway to drug use, prostitution, sexual promiscuity and even child pornogrpahy and child abuse," Johnson had shouted at him in anger.
May, unable to keep his cool and surprised at the vicar's unusual fiery nature, had retorted in anger, "oh please, The Church isn't exactly known for being completely innocent itself. It's full of the very things it claims to hate an preach against. Your hypocrisy is astounding. Your area is dying and it's people like me - entrepreneurs and investors - seeking new business opportunities, who revive it with new ventures. The government has no issue with me, it's just sad old people like you!"
The pair had then parted on bad terms, much to the shocked reactions of the homeless attendees still continuing to stream into the food bank.
Johnson had continued drumming up support for his opposition to the sex shop and strip club plans, but the modern era had got the better of him. A few new councillors had replaced his religious-leaning contacts over the years and opinions had varied wildly over the "dangers of sex shops and strip clubs". He was also unable to gain enough support from fellow religious leaders - local imams from a local mosque nearby - after a number of local Islamic leaders still held grudges against him over his handling of reglious tensions back in 2010 and 2011.
In the end, Johnson failed to garner enough objections to the application and grasping at straws, he had started a petition to reject the application, but, to his shock, it had failed to get enough signatures, with many informing him that they "did not want to get involved" in his "Holy War against the World". His final option? A court case. Reviewing his finances, he confirmed that he could afford to bring a private court case without unduly stressing church funds. Speaking to his legal contacts (two Bar contacts and another two at respectable City law firms), he planned to argue that the opening of the sex shop and strip club would "alter the character of the local area in an extreme fashion" and "were antithetical to the history and environment of the local area". He also planned to accuse Darius May of "intimidating" members of the local community, pointing to the unexpected decrease in support for his opposition to the planning application.
An initial injunction was initially granted on behalf of Vicar Jeremy C. Johnson to halt the conversion of the disused building to a sex shop and "high-end" strip club. This was only a temporary victory for Johnson, who had been instructed to gather further evidence of May's "tactics to intimate people in the local area", as well as "strongly demonstrate how the new business would alter the character of the local area in an extreme fashion".
Yet, a short while later, as if like something out of a supernatural horror movie, Vicar Johnson's black Renault had veered sharply off the A40 whilst he was returning from a weekend Church outing in Wotton-under-Edge. According to crash investigators, a "stray white dog or something" had run out into traffic and had caused "the terrible accident". Vicar Johnson's vehicle had veered sharply off the highway and his car had flipped over and smashed into a tree. He had found himself crushed under the weight of his car and the collapsed tree and to make matters worse, a truck had then slammed into the wreck, killing him instantly. Vicar Johnson died on that warm Saturday night. Witnesses had indeed stated that they had spotted "what appeared to be stray white dog or animal" stepping out onto the highway, but no cameras had spotted anything and no trace of the creature had been found had been found on Vicar Johnson's vehicle. The death was ruled an accident and Johnson's congregation mourned his death.
An associate vicar - a young Harry Milner - then assumed control of St. Augustine The Holy Trinity Church as per Vicar Johnson's will and testament; however, following troubling economic difficulties which hit Manhattan Central Bank across the Atlantic, Johnson's investment portfolio sharply decreased in value and Milner was forced to take out loans in order to keep Church finances afloat. In the end, Milner's poor handling of Church finances proved to be St. Augustine the Holy Trinity Church's downfall and final nail in the coffin and a few months later, he was charged with a series of crimes, including wire fraud and embezzlement. Indigo Mountain Finance then applied to a court to repossess the church's buildings and square and the church now sits empty and unused until Indigo Mountain Finance can find a buyer in foreclosure.
As for Darius May and his Lucky Star sex shop and strip club, it opened a short while after Johnson's death, with Milner unable to continue pursuing a legal challenge against him and with the main opposer - Johnson - now dead. May did, however, attend Johnson's funeral and expressed to funeralgoers how "genuinely shocked" he was at the death of "a Holy man I had only just encountered a month ago".
Years later, the church was demolished and a large Tesco supermarket took its place, along with two large apartment complexes which were built where the church square used to be. Some elderly locals who are still alive and still live in the area til this day sometimes mention how they "miss the large and open square that St Augustine had preserved".

Blight is a weird skill to scale with this build and always has been. You don't want cast speed for essence drain and contagion, but you need cast speed to get the most out of blight.
So good news bad news here. The bad news is blight duration went from 2.50 seconds to 2.00 seconds. That means we will need even more cast speed and duration to get the max number of stacks while pressing down blight. That is a pretty large nerf in top end blight damage with low gear (more on this later however!)
The good news is blight got a numbers buff, so assuming we can get our duration and cast speed high enough, blight is going to be doing more damage. It now deals 3.9 Base Chaos Damage per second at gem level 1 (previously 3.1), scaling up to 284 at gem level 20 (previously 257.4).
The really good news, we have an insane amount of (nearly) free cast speed coming at us. Firstly the caster mastery is pretty nuts for us. 6% cast speed for each spell you cast recently. I'm using essence drain1, contagion2, curse3, frost shield4, blight5. I'll post a boss video down below showing that I really do cast these spells constantly and getting the FREE 30% cast speed will be easy.
I'm convinced arcane surge changes is going to be a buff and I'm going to be using max level in my 6 link blight setup over quick affliction at least until mageblood. and again, cast speed you don't need to invest in very many nodes on the tree or gear is very very good for blight.
The reservation changes will be interesting to see. We can get the new 12% flat reservation mastery from a mana node no problem. I already get a mana node above witch so it's pretty free. I'll probably end up using small cluster jewels anyways (they really have been the best way to fix auras for the past few leagues anyways)
The final nerf is the withered notable going from 35% to 20%. This is a straight damage nerf, but I'm really not sure how much it will matter early on. I'm not going to be getting to 15 withered stacks with my withering step setup until i get a level 4 enhance along with anomalous withering step, both being pretty expensive early on. So we aren't going to be playing with a full set of withered stacks for a good while. Regardless, it's a nerf, but we have plenty of other damage buffs coming and it isn't like EDC was ever really about the damage anyways.
I'm 100% convinced EDC is one of the better league starters. I'm baffled why more people didn't pick it up last league, and I'm even more baffled that it continues to not be talked about at all.
Here are a few videos from last league. All this is pretty early in the league and although my gear is good, I didn't have mageblood or anything.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvSlnYpqwBE (t16 map EDC is as fast of a mapper as ever)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6G3NCndOu4 (more t16 mapping action)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ_soxC4Ef0 (530 depth aul. 40% chaos resist mod. Facetanked all abilities except slams which I most likely could still face tank) (for all you that seem to think EDC can't do bosses)
https://poe.ninja/challenge/builds/chatubei/EDCTubey?i=2&search=class%3DTrickster%26skill%3DVaal-Blight (gear I ended the character on, gear isn't perfectly min maxed, this is a starter and I didn't play it more than week 2 or so)
EDIT: Forgot to mention this build got to 600 depth on day 6 of last league and I was the 4th person to get to that depth.

In general, it's important for me to listen to my body and prioritize rest during a post-exertional malaise episode. Pushing myself too hard, with too much activity, could make my symptoms worse and prolong my recovery time.
So, When afflicted with PEM & feeling restless, some of the best ways I can distract myself while still engaging in self-care, are to prioritize activities that include physical and cognitive rest. Sometimes reading a book is good, but sometimes reading feels like too much work. listening to music or podcasts is good sometimes unless I’m needing more severe sensory deprivation to recover. Doing some light stretching, like turning my head from side to side, or pulling my knees to my chest, or practicing calm abiding meditation, or doing some light breathing exercises in bed, are, thank goodness, always manageable.
When I’m looking for relaxation activities during PEM, there are many options. But when I’m having cabin fever at the same time and feeling like I just want to jump out of my skin, is when PEM management is most challenging. Do I stay in bed or go to the gym where I can use their mechanical massage chair and thus get the benefits of passive exercise. Or, do I take a warm shower, and then go back to bed for some deep breathing exercises.
Restlessness versus rest, during a PEM episode, can go any number of different ways. Balancing intelligence with the discipline of choosing the best, most helpful and least exacerbating activities is the challenge of today’s PEM.
How do I best respect my CFS & PEM in this moment, and this one, and this one….. For now writing about it has felt good and is an activity I can do while still lying down in bed and that is somewhat therapeutic. But, I will be done writing soon and what I really want, is to go use the massage chair at the gym. Its only 1 mile away, but it would still require driving. So, I think that’s not a good choice for now.
A shower sounds nice, but I still need to wait until I’m feeling better. So, for now that leaves staying in bed as being the best choice. To deal with the restlessness I choose soft meditative music on a very, very low volume level with some gentle mindfulness relaxation breathing and some calm abiding meditation. Then, if all goes well, in a few hours, maybe I’ll feel well enough to take a shower and maybe even go outside to lie down in the shade with a book to keep me company. If not, then I’ll stay in bed because I really want to minimize this current PEM episode and have a better tomorrow.
Okay, my CFS community, that’s my current strategizing for now. Wish me good luck. 🍀
And may we all find peace, joy and wellbeing on our journey. 🙏

FHB here - apologies for what may seem as a dumb question for some as I'm trying to learn how to prevent getting screwed in the financial world. For those that have used a mortgage broker to find a decent lender when securing a home, was it a good idea or a big mistake? I'm trying to ascertain if they truly have your best interest at heart or if they're intending to steer clients towards the lenders that will pay them the highest commission. The deals provided to me seem decent, however not a single one is an option of a big 4 or relatively known bank. This leaves me skeptical as I don't know whether this is a normal situation or if they purposely withhold deals that may not be as big of a benefit for them.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!