Hi all! I’m looking for tips on how to manage things and stick to plan when you have unknown menus. I have two situations tomorrow & over the weekend:
1) Lunch with my work team - we are attending a training then our boss wants to go to lunch. No restaurant selected ahead of time. I googled what’s nearby to the location & there are a few where I can easily stick to plan & I already reviewed the menus but there are an equal number where it would be absolute points suicide (like this local grilled cheese restaurant everyone loves but I’ve never liked it, WW/Healthi or not). I don’t want to be the weirdo not eating if everyone voted grilled cheese or another non-friendly joint but I reviewed menus for all, and even their side dishes are points nightmares. I also don’t want to skip lunch entirely and just go home if they go for a bad choice, that doesn’t reflect well on me at work. I already decided I’d eat only a yogurt & fruit for breakfast tomorrow instead of a breakfast sandwich to have more banked for lunch. I’d just use a bunch of weeklies and move on here BUT…
2) Tomorrow after work, I’m turning around and going out of town for a weekend for one of my extracurricular hobbies. We will have about 40 people with some preparing our food for each meal, but I don’t know the menu and there is literally no way to find out until the meal is served. Friday night thankfully we’re on our own for dinner (which could end up being only a snack for me depending on what lunch is with my work team) but Saturday we have B/L/D and on Sunday, B/L that I have to navigate. So I have to have a bunch of weeklies left after lunch tomorrow so I have wiggle room.
I really want to be successful and see a loss next week but no firm plans or menus is killing me. Help!!!

My 23(M) Bf was recently just fired from his job at a local sandwich shop we have in our state of Pennsylvania, now I do recognize that we live in an at will state but surely there has to be something that can cover him? My boyfriend has worked at said sandwich shop since early December and for a little bit of time over last summer before he decided to pursue something else. It’s important to note that when going back to said sandwich shop the general manager of the store was the one that reached out to him to see if he would be willing to come back and ever since then he’s kind of been a bosszilla and has put my bf through hell and back. We live about 25/30 minutes away from said sandwich shop and there were 2 instances in early December where heavy snow prevented my bf from being able to make it in for his 6am shifts, but he always found coverage for himself, which SHOULD be the general managers job to do so and in both of those situations my bf went in and closed the store in place of the opening shift he was scheduled so he still turned up for work - it’s also important to add that in scenarios like this his GM lives 4 minutes away from said store and it’s so simple for him to get there to open during heavy snow compare to us. Secondly anytime said GM schedules he will always schedule himself to close or open with the most amount of extra employees as humanly possible, my bf when he closes won’t get home till 11:30/12 most nights because he tends to schedule those nights with skeleton crews or unreliable teenagers that either don’t show up or HAVE to leave early because of curfew. And lastly my bf is always the first person to step up when there’s a coverage issue, a call off or will even go in to close the store on days that he’s already opened or was scheduled off but no one will turn around and do that in return for him when he desperately needs it to the point where I told him he needs to stop doing favors for these people because they don’t have the same respect or decency for him. Fast forward to this week and my bf has been super sick and he typically doesn’t get sick, and I don’t mean like just a cough or anything, but majorly throwing up, can’t keep anything down and consistently running to the bathroom, it’s been bad. He worked 1 of 4 doubles in a row on Sunday and by Monday I told him he looked defeated he should take off and this room some major convincing because he doesn’t call off. But no one else in his store has a problem with calling off for less so why should he? He finally does and doesn’t do much throughout the day besides sleep. Tuesday rolls around and he attempts to go in, works a little more than half of his shift, can’t find anyone to cover until his stores district manager just tells him to go home and he can close the store. That brings us to Wednesday morning his 4/4 of 11-10:30’s - he calls off again after meeting with a doctor at med express and getting a work note and I get home from my job at around 2:30 to my bf showing me a text from his GM basically stating that he can’t handle the call offs and he can drop off his uniforms and keys he is no longer employed by the sandwich shop. For 2 calls offs in 7 months, while he is actually sick. Now my bf isn’t too torn up about it because he already had plans of leaving and already had a few interviews lined up because he’s wanted out of food since he started back at the shop but I surely don’t believe even in an will state that this is legal? We’re not convinced that the shops owner influenced the decision in any way since the owners ultimate goal was to put my bf in his own store in a different county to GM and said GM at the store he was employed at evidently went on a little bit of a war path and released 2 other employees in addition to my bf the same day. I told my bf he should try reaching out to the owner or DM but he’s not convinced it’s really worth anything in the long run since he was already on the verge of leaving.

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So me and my wife attempt to do a 50/50 split in the household. In our case I do the laundry, trashbags, most of the cat related tasks (litterbox, food, drinking water mostly fall on to me like 80/20), I vacuum daily during the week because the cleaner only comes on friday and we have long haired cats. My wife does the smaller food groceries for stuff like dinner, the cooking most of the week, grooming of the cats once or twice a week, and does yard work twice a year.
Now this 50/50 split is important to me, because I don’t want either of us to feel used by the other, or make either feel like we’re lazy.
So last saturday we’ve been lazing about playing the new Legend of Zelda. We have an appointment in the evening at 6:30. I did the laundry in the mean time while my wife continued playing Zelda, I took a shower, went down and asked how late we’re going to eat because we’re supposed to be somewhere in 1.5 hours. I said “probably best to eat at 5:30 since we’re supposed to be there and there an hour later”. Mind you this was an appointment at an event organized by one of her friends. She said she wanted to grab a shower as well and that we weren’t going to make 5:30, and told me “there’s instructions on the packaging so you can do it as well, otherwise we’re not going to make it”.
That didn’t sit right with me because she wasn’t doing anything today except playing a game, and due to her own poor planning I was supposed to fix dinner as well. So I told her no. She told me “the instructions are clear I’m sure you can do it”. I told her “it’s not that I can’t do it, but I don’t want to do it. I did the laundry today no problem, so the cooking is up to you as we agreed on”. She told me she felt “blackmailed” into not showering and I told her “no, we’ll just be late”.
We both have fulltime jobs from mo to fri, both office jobs.
AITA?
EDIT:
Somebody advised me to add the following context in:
The workload is already in her favor, which I’m fine with. I stated we attempt to do a 50/50, but I do a lot more around the house. We used to alternate cleaning the house every week, but she only did it when she felt like it, so that meant not doing it for three weeks at times. I expressed my grievances and we ended up getting some help to clean the house once a week. Also when she’s ill or has an emergency I pick up the slack no problem. That’s outside of her control. She has to go to the office and wants me to cook while I WFH? No problem. On your period? I’ll take care of the household and her, no problem. But in this instance it ticked me off because there was absolutely no other reason for her not to do it outside of laziness. And I am already doing a lot more all together.

I (27M) went on two dates with a girl (28F) that I met off of Bumble. The first date was great. We went bar hopping, connected really well, and we shared a kiss to cap off the night. During the date she disclosed that she has Lupus and other autoimmune disorders, and she briefly shared how that’s impacted her work, school, and relationships. We went to a baseball game for our second date. We had a blast. We talked and laughed during the game and walked around town afterwards. We got beer and food and continued walking around the city. Occasionally, on our walk, we would pull into an alley to make out. At the end of the night, when we went our separate ways, she told me that I should text her and that she would love to spend the night together after our next date. Also, throughout the date, she would sprinkle in how great of a time she was having, how attractive she found me, and how well we clicked. I texted her a couple of days after the date and asked how her week was going. She gave a detailed response and mentioned that her health is in decline and she has a doctor’s appointment later in the week. I responded to her, but she did not respond to me. On the day of her doctor’s appointment, I texted her wishing her luck and told her I can drop off some food if she needs it. She hearted my text and apologized for not getting back to me. Then, she said she just had an injection and that it felt like she was having a reaction. I didn’t see her text until a couple of hours after she sent it. I responded when I saw it, but I haven’t heard back from her. Normally, I’d start to think I’m getting ghosted, but between her expressed enthusiasm during our dates and her illnesses, I’m not sure what to think. Admittedly, I don't know much about Lupus or other chronic illnesses. So, when she texted me after our second date and said that her health was on the decline…does anyone here know what that would generally mean or look like? And I feel selfish for asking, but do you think a flare up could be a reason that would lead her to not responding? (Especially given we just started talking and our convo is not a priority if she is not doing well) Finally, is it overbearing to shoot her a text in a couple of days asking how she is? Or is it best to wait for her? From everything, I would tend to believe that if she had a change of heart after the second date, she would let me know. However, I know I don’t really know her that well and my assumption could be wrong and I could totally have just gotten ghosted.

With all the recent chatters about the goingons in the LCS, it brings me to attention that something similar happened with the LPL several years back. Did you know that the LPL was once on the verge of a shutdown?
A former WE executive friend wrote a blurb on Weibo, a leading Chinese platform. (https://m.weibo.cn/status/4910051925688512?wm=3333_2001&from=10D5193010&sourcetype=weixin&s_trans=1777987025_4910051925688512&s_channel=4&jumpfrom=weibocom). Be mindful that some opinions expressed in the blurb are strong, but I don’t necessarily share them. (I’m just the messenger!) I’ve done a rough translation here:
In 2017, the LPL faced a critical moment known as the “quasi-strike,” where clubs strategically chose Chinese New Year to challenge the status quo. This pivotal event would eventually propel the LPL to greater heights.
During those crucial times, TJSports (Tencent’s esports division) didn’t exist, and I had just entered the industry. As an investor in a team, I had the privilege of attending the “boss conference.”
The conference took place in Shanghai’s Lujiazui’s Super Brand Mall, with players competing on the stage while club owners convened in the adjacent conference room. Being a new person in the scene, I was unaware what the meeting was about at first. However, I soon realized it was a “collective bargaining” agreement of sorts. If negotiations failed, all clubs would face suspension after the Spring Festival.
At that time, the Chinese esports industry was in a primitive and chaotic state, with an influx of speculative investments. Wealthy club owners acquired star players, successful clubs secured sponsorships and revenue, and player salaries skyrocketed. Meanwhile, struggling clubs faced the challenge of survival.
A few visionary club owners championed two crucial demands: a fair share of sponsorship and copyright revenue for all clubs and the elimination of promotion and relegation.
These demands paved the path for professionalizing the LPL as a true sports league. Revenue sharing ensured clubs could navigate economic fluctuations, while the removal of promotion and relegation instilled investor confidence, preventing seats from being jeopardized by short-term performance fluctuations.
This landmark negotiation stands as a defining moment in the history of Chinese gaming. Surprisingly, a representative from the official side showed support, and after a brief deliberation, an agreement was reached. China’s League of Legends professional league became the world’s first regional tournament to implement such alliances. This representative’s sacrifice of economic benefits fostered a collaborative environment, no longer allowing unilateral decision-making.
The cancellation of LPL’s promotion sparked debates. Some believed it would hinder competitiveness, but reflecting on traditional sports systems, the English Premier League has promotion and relegation while the NBA does not. After extensive discussions, most esports professionals agree that the NBA model maximizes benefits for leagues, clubs, and players.
Examining the LCS strike, reports revealed financial crises and seat sales among numerous teams, partly caused by excessive capital market financing and neglecting a sustainable business model. Despite comparable salaries to their Chinese and Korean counterparts, LCS players train less intensely. This distorted model, where player interests take precedence over league and club health, is unsustainable and may lead to dire consequences.
The LCS player’s guild fails to recognize that diminishing others’ success does not enhance their own, and hindering others’ progress does not advance their own. As someone involved in players’ advocacy, I envy the LCS for having a players’ union. The lack of such support in the LPL leaves players with limited assistance in resolving unpaid wages and unfair treatment. Balancing both player and club perspectives has posed challenges, but lessons learned from industry leaders who prioritize the industry’s progress guide my stance.
The LCS’s journey away from unilateralism serves as a valuable lesson. With the presence of selfless individuals devoted to China’s gaming industry, I firmly believe that the future holds abundant opportunities for growth and collaboration. Spring brings the promise of blossoming success.
Thus ends the translation. All I can say is I wish for the best for the LCS. But there’s some perspective, enjoy!

Tl;dr year long relationship 24 M and 24F, been rocky started to build trust up again. And then when cuddling after sex, he calls me his exs name. Don’t know hot to feel, need help and advise.
Try to keep this short as possible. I don’t know how to feel about my boyfriend calling me his exs name. We had a great date night (quality time is rare as we both have busy schedules), so it was really nice to be present with eachother and enjoy some good food.
We went back to his got it on and when we were cuddling he was expressing his ideas over priorities in his life and that he wants to make more time for me. I’m saying this he goes ‘more exs name time’. While I appreciate the idea behind it as in the priority wise but this has made me feel shit.
I have a split in my head; one side, where I don’t know where to go how to act. The other is saying run. Leave it as it is and go, as I don’t wanna be made to be a mug again, had this done to me too many times for it to happen again. I’m worried I can’t trust him, previously had a rocky part involving another girl and now this. I’m really struggling to think about how I should go forward.
Any help or thoughts would be appreciated thank you.

First Prev Next Royal Road Patreon
u/KieveKRS providing the Trash certification of quality! (with help from u/coldfireknight cuz this one needed it.)
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Nalah affixed the massive shield to her back, the rectangular form large enough for him to fit behind while only needing to crouch slightly. It was mostly ironwood, but the sides and front were metal-plated, so it still weighed a considerable amount. Despite that, the thing’s bulk hardly seemed to be noticed by the blonde-furred female, likely due to the constant construction work she involved herself in. It paired oddly with the long pike she insisted on using, but he couldn’t deny that poking at things while hiding behind a mobile wall sounded like a good idea.
Jax was wearing his new armour, the bulky chest-piece a mirror of his blond-furred pack mate’s. Though he forwent the protection a buckler or likewise would offer, he doubled up on gear. Gauntlets, vambraces, pauldrons, and anything else he could wear to compliment the massive axe he had taken a liking to.
Where Nalah was fitted to look like an apocalypse survivor—her protections limited to her torso, forearms, and shield—the black-furred male resembled a giant, if underfunded, paladin. All he needed now was some religious imagery and a penchant for exalting the qualities of their god. Joseph almost nudged the guy to suggest it for kicks.
On second thought, he decided that Jax absolutely did not need a reason to start yelling about the Human-turned-religious-figure, because there was no way in hell he wouldn’t. There was no telling what he would choose to say, and the Grand Hunter was perfectly happy never knowing.
Having been with the male as long as he had, it would probably involve ‘taming’ females or something else that would leave him groaning for weeks, if not just contemplating another high-dive from the cliff.
Joseph fixed his own equipment, the ‘Wraith armour’ worn over his own thin iron breastplate. He wasn’t thrilled to wear the extra weight, but it beat being mauled by the thing they were heading out to kill. The trips so far had been tolerable, fog and overcast skies keeping the temperature in check, but he didn’t want to go out in this on a hotter day as Summer really kicked back in. He was sweaty enough without baking inside all this crap.
He adjusted the wolf-skull mask, the rest of the hunting party having gotten over the worst of the unease it gave them. Though they’d needed to rotate people out for the sake of fairness, this would be their eighth consecutive scouting. Using the information that Raine and Faye provided, they narrowed down a likely stomping grounds for the creature and were systematically clearing sectors. It might have been discouraging to keep looking after so long, but the occasional marking on trees and the odd moss-wolf corpse tipped them off that they were getting close. There was still another week’s worth of searching left if today wasn’t the day, but somehow he doubted they wouldn’t need that long.
All in all, they numbered six; larger parties were attempted, but their efforts at stealth quickly became pointless between so many trudging through the forest and stopping for breaks. There was a bit of a scare where one of Mi’low’s pack went missing, but the guy had just stopped to relieve himself. Since the discovery was made by someone else knocking him over in the process by mistake, they decided that keeping the number smaller made communication easier. And lowered the amount of grumbling about needing a bath.
Jax, Nalah, two security members, one of the hunters, and him. Sure, grabbing Tel or the Wraiths would have been a bit more useful for cohesion, but they were all busy with things, and he didn’t want to grind everything in the settlement to a halt for nothing if the search turned up empty again. They were more suited to taking out their fellow Lilhun than some monster in the woods, as much as he disliked the thought.
Scarlet was spending a lot of time with Violet and the new Atmo, Faye was spending much of her recovery with the moss-wolves and moss-pup, and Tel was in the process of helping Harrow shore up the few security members that were slated to become snipers. Kaslin was still learning chemistry with Toril, and Raine was helping whoever needed a hand, so that marked off all of his usual accompaniment. He could have taken more of his direct pack, but they all had important things to take care of as well.
Sahari was managing the pack and putting people where people needed to be put, Pan was working with Idee and Heralt to make a line of armour for the whole pack, and Mi’low was...well, Mi’low. He was pretty sure she was unofficially the master of the hunter’s lodge and spent most of her time keeping track of what came in and out of it, while also making sure that everyone got their fair share. It needed to be done with the settlement growing as much as it had, and it kept Mi’low busy enough to stymie the flow of complaints, so he wasn’t about to complain.
They double checked that they had everything that was needed; food, water, arrows, bolts, and some bags to store anything that the snares had caught on the way back. Four ranged and two melee weapons meant that they would be mostly using Jax and Nalah to soak hits if it came down to it, the others peppering it with projectiles. Given that Harrow was insistent on the bear-thing being resistant to anything they could use at a distance, they also carried spare weapons for the ranged users, just in case. Nodding, Joseph gestured to the group finishing up their preparations for the day’s trip.
“A moment, sir?” Scarlet called to him as she approached the gate, the Wraith flanked by Rose and Cobalt. The two Atmo were decked-out in their own armour, which appeared to be almost entirely metal, save for the palm lining the inside for comfort. Each of their six legs were adorned with broad shields, their bases capped off with a flat storage carriage. They looked like someone had a little too much fun testing how much the insects could effortlessly carry and had ended up with sapient hexapedal tanks.
“Only if you explain why those two would look more at home if they had cannons installed on their backs,” he quipped, an expression somewhere between surprised, amused, and plain dumbfounded plastered on his face. The blackish red-furred female smirked for a split-second before resuming her usual servile presentation.
“The young mistress had extended her request for these two to accompany you.”
Joseph tilted his head incredulously. “Violet told you to send them?”
Scarlet nodded, gesturing to the outfitted Atmo. “They have been under her tutelage for some time now, and wish to be of assistance.”
The Grand Hunter snapped his mouth closed when he was about to ask why his daughter would teach them anything that might be useful for fighting a deadly beast. Of course she did; It was one of the first things he did for her. It would have been weirder for her not to pass on what she knew after all the hours she spent either seeing him coach the others, or being coached herself. With the time she had under her belt, she was the local Atmo Close Quarters Combat specialist, and no one else understood how the modified boxing she learned worked with their bodies like she did.
He wore a hesitant expression, shifting his weight to his other leg. “Well, they’ve certainly geared up.”
“It is a product our smith is rather proud of,” the Wraith affirmed confidently.
He exhaled slowly. “Seems a bit much.”
She seemed to be expecting the remark, barely pausing to register what he said before responding. “Your kit wishes you safe, yet understands you would not allow her to accompany you. These two wish to be of assistance.”
To punctuate her point, the two nodded in agreement, walking forward and slinging some of the backpacks onto their carriages. It seemed ‘no’ wasn’t something they were going to accept after Violet had said her piece. He sighed, conceding that they wouldn’t slow the party down with everyone carrying so much weight in equipment, regardless of the bags. They took breaks frequently enough to accommodate the Atmo, so that wouldn’t hinder anything either.
“Fine,” he relented with a wave of his hand. “We’ll take them. Not like they’d hurt anyway. But–” He put a warning into his tone. “–they’re not playing the hero and getting themselves killed. This isn’t going to work if they think any of us dying is still a net positive, got it?”
The two Atmo mimed their understanding, Scarlet replying with a victorious smile. Joseph couldn’t help but bemusedly roll his eyes. The female had taken rather well to baby-sitting, and that seems to have extended to humouring the young Queen’s schemes now. It wasn’t an unwelcome addition to their little sojourn. At least they could haul back any larger game without it tacking hours onto the return trip.
He thanked Scarlet for her trouble before dismissing her, confirming with the group that everything was accounted for, and set off before it grew too late. He wasn’t looking to get caught out in the woods during the night. The Lilhuns might be fine, but he was pretty well blind unless the moon felt generous.
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Jax watched the two Atmo quietly follow on the sides of the group, their heavily armoured forms posing no issues with their naturally soundless movements in the forest. In the den, they would make moderate clacks and clicks as their chitinous legs contacted the ground, but the soft dirt and foliage stifled all but the smallest report of their travel. With Scarlet supervising alongside Violet, he wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the former Blade had influenced their movement with the goal in mind, though he had never paid much attention to how they walked before to compare.
He had to admit, having them carry the additional equipment was exceedingly useful. He had proposed having the group use the newly acquired platforms on their more arachnid-like abdomen to rest in shifts, but Joseph was quick to insist that the insects were of lesser stamina than even Lilhuns. The phrasing seemed like a comparative insult, but Jax had more than enough experience with the Human to know that he had simply spoken his mind. To him, everyone had sub-par stamina. Training had gone some way to remedy the discrepancy, but the Grand Hunter could still continue for longer than even the most well-conditioned of them.
The black-furred male rolled his shoulders, feeling the heft of his axe shift with the movement. It was an impressive size, the weight well-balanced and its edge sharp. He had once laid it to the ground out of curiosity and confirmed that it was about as tall as Pan from head to haft, though only if she stood to her full height. Regardless of its size, it was still lighter than the armour he chose to don.
Having only really worn leathers or a few sets of ironwood protections, the encumbering prominence of the iron equipment took getting used to. It wasn’t entirely restrictive, but did put a damper on any chances he had of sprinting from danger. That was fine, he supposed, since he was wearing it against a beast he had no experience with. It could very well outrun him regardless, and he would rather have the defences in either case.
Nalah seemed to be doing fine, the large barrier she kept on her back swaying slightly as she walked. She was unhindered by it, her movements barely affected by the bulk, which was reassuring. Joseph, however, seemed to be panting more than usual, the rolling cloud coverage easing as the sun progressively warmed the environment. The fog from earlier meant that it was rather humid, and that seemed to bore no well wishes for the male encased in dark leathers and thick plates. He had even flipped down his hood, the sweat beading on his skin adding a sheen to his visage.
“I liked this better when the sun didn’t exist,” the Human lamented quietly, just loud enough for Jax to hear. The black-furred male chuckled.
“It would be rather dark.”
Joseph glared at him for a moment before rolling his eyes. “I just don’t rank ‘heavily armoured hike through the woods’ high up on my list of things I want to do regularly.”
“I believe that list would be occupied by your mates, no?” he ribbed playfully, a smirk arising when the Grand Hunter shunted his eyes closed in a grimace.
“I hate you.”
“I can see your smile underneath your displeasure, Joseph,” Jax quipped, nudging the male with his elbow, then giving an apologetic smile when his friend almost fell. Joseph sighed, waving Cobalt over and fetching a water-skin from the luggage that the insect was ferrying without breaking stride—though he needed to be careful not to get stepped on.
The Atmo always amused Jax. Be it their passive demeanour hidden by their towering stature, or his interactions with the den-kit, they never failed to be curious people. Having the two that accompanied Volta with them was an unexpected development, but he couldn’t claim to disapprove. If they had been imparted the methods of combat that Violet had cultivated, then there was little worry of them being harmed by naught but perhaps their current target. At least not until there was a better reference of its strength than the single encounter the first-years had so long ago.
At the time, it had smashed pillars and pierced flesh effortlessly, claws proving to be little more than tempting ministrations of tender touch to the thick hide. Jax only had some of the pack’s recount to base the experience off of, but was content to take their word for it. He was, ashamedly, preoccupied taking care of baser needs when the event transpired, so he was woefully unprepared for the eventual encounter. Still, he was afforded the best the settlement had to offer so that he might serve his duty of protecting the Grand Hunter. Harrow would never forgive him if only he returned.
His thoughts were disturbed by Joseph calling for a rest, Jax’s legs thankful for the break from supporting the unusual weight for so long. The Human dispensed rations and water for the pack, the Atmo waiting until everyone else was supplied before accepting their portion. They rested on their base directly, instead of curling their legs beneath them like Jax had become accustomed. Perhaps the armour impeded such, or they wished to remain mobile in the event such was required. Regardless, they blocked what little breeze there was, forcing the Grand Hunter to walk beyond them to enjoy it in the shade. It was short-lived however, as Rose quickly repositioned to stay between the pack and whatever lay beyond their protections.
It was a futile effort, it seemed, because it repeated again twice before Joseph groaned loudly and threw himself atop the carriage to lay back, his legs dangling at the knee. He seemed perfectly content with the unorthodox arrangement, snorting his amusement along with a muttered comment about a ‘taxi.’
The entertaining sight was marred by a distant yelp, snapping the group to attention. Jax and Joseph traded looks, subtle nods and gestures given to move out while remaining quiet. Ignoring his earlier complaints, the Grand Hunter flicked his hood up and donned the mask, drawing his crossbow and readying a bolt. The hunter of the pack mimicked the preparation, the two security members loosely nocking their arrows while Rose, Cobalt, Jax, and Nalah took point.
They proceeded quietly for far longer than the proximity of the noise would have suggested, but marks and gashes upon the trees implied a moving conflict. Thoughts of it being a lost cause quickly became moot as a closer growl and bark shattered the careful silence they had been maintaining.
Motioning for the pack to stop, Joseph waved Jax forward, Nalah approaching the other side. Using the large shield as additional cover, they peered around a particularly thick tree. Locked in combat were two moss-wolves, both attacking a truly massive grey creature.
Twice the Human’s height, half that in width. Four pillars as legs—the muscular trunks sinewy and defined—supported the disturbing hunched figure, the wide base tapering slightly into a thick and extended torso. A singular eye-stalk replaced the head, the ocular organ atop it pitch black and free of any indication of its focus. Four arms with deadly claws parried and sliced the two yellow beasts as they attempted to drive off the predator, a sickeningly large maw gaping to catch any attempts at a lunge. The mouth of the creature almost occupied the entirety of the available surface area upon its front, the jagged bone tools of manduction undulating with the promise of sustenance.
Joseph pulled them back, cursing under his breath as he tried to fight off the tension. From Nalah’s worried expression, it seemed his caution was rather potent, the other members of the group smelling his reaction as well.
“So, what’s the plan, Jax?” the Human whispered, his grip on the crossbow alternating with his fingers stretching across the trigger lest his fidgeting cause a misfire.
“I thought that, with your record, you would wish to tame it for the settlement,” Jax replied while thinking through a plan of action. He was glad that his friend trusted him, but he wished he had known the true scale of the beast prior. Joseph grit his teeth, turning to glance past the tree again with sarcasm pouring out of his response.
“Can’t quite see Winnie-the-woodchipper there playing great with kids.”
“You say that after adopting an Atmo as kit, Grand Hunter,” he returned, nodding to himself when a plan formed. The Human smiled, the banter easing the tension somewhat. “Rose, Cobalt, you two are the most well defended of us. Circle around and drive the beast this way. You should be capable of such without noise, yes?”
The two insects nodded, emptying their luggage behind a tree so as not to lose any of it before disappearing into the trees. The slight glimmer of their iron armour was the only indication of their position through the dense forest. Jax hoped that the beast was not particularly curious about the dimly pulsing glare, nor finished with its current altercation in time to impede the pair.
Satisfied with their progress, he motioned for the two security members to scale a tree and gain a superior vantage point. Their weapons would be able to maintain a more rapid pace of sustained fire at longer ranges. Joseph and the hunter were instructed to hide behind trees nearby, though the Human would need to remain grounded as his lack of claws made scaling the large flora difficult with his equipment.
Finally, Nalah and he positioned themselves much closer, in order to flank the creature as it fled the Atmo and occupy it long enough for the others to bleed it out, if not outright dispose of it.
With the forms of the Atmo peeking through the brush opposite them, Jax raised his axe to signal the start.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Joseph felt the hammering in his chest, his heart preparing him to fight for his life against the walking abomination that easily outclassed the only other predator that he had experience with. Sure, the moss-wolves were easy to take down once you had equipment and a plan, but that thing screamed danger.
He watched Jax and Nalah set up behind thick trees, their goal being for Jax to hopefully disable a leg or two with the war-axe while Nalah occupied it with the shield. As the two strongest members of his little family, he trusted both to do their job.
As a clusterfuck of animal and torture device, he had no faith in the creature playing along.
Swallowing his hesitation, he adjusted his grip on the crossbow again, mentally tallying his shots and cursing himself for not researching explosives. Sure, Toril didn’t want to be involved in that kind of weapon, but at the moment, the tailless white-furred male could suck it up and make one anyway. Joseph would give his left nut to see how quickly the chemist would make weapons of mass destruction just to annihilate whatever that thing called home.
Jax raised his axe, glinting the sunlight of it towards the Atmo. Receiving the start signal, the two clicked and loosed a deafening screech, the Human’s ears ringing even from this distance.
The beast seemed unperturbed by the noise, though the lack of visible ears may have had something to do with the lacklustre effect. Regardless, it did notice the two armour-clad insects charging at it, and smartly decided to extradite itself from the area. The moss-wolves, however, didn’t quite get the memo, mistaking the advancing assistance as yet another foe to defend themselves from.
He had to say, Violet taught the two well. They flashed their blades out in the same flicker jab that he had shown his daughter, and with an unceremonious squelch, the two bisected canines landed in four pieces, a vibrant green ichor now staining the weapon-like appendages of the Atmo. Undeterred by their first act of violence—as far as he was aware, anyway—they continued herding the beast.
It wasn’t as fast as they might have feared, its quadrupedal gait hindered by its proportions, but it was still quick enough to be damn intimidating. Its arms acted as a counter balance, constantly adjusting this way and that just to keep it stable. That thing was clearly never meant for sprinting, all its mobility being given to the overactive maw that pulsated with the exertion.
He readied his crossbow, the shaking in his hands not ruining his aim against such a large target. He eyeballed the distance between the creature and the ambush point, forcibly moving his finger off the trigger so that he didn’t fire early.
Closer. Come on. Almost.
Now.
Jax wound up like a particularly enthusiastic lumberjack, putting his full body into the rotation. The massive axe swung like a horizontal pendulum striking home with all the finality of a clock tolling midnight. It bit into the front leg of the beast, only sinking a few inches before momentum nearly wretched the weapon from the black-furred male. Luckily, the force and timing was enough to trip it, the creature crashing to the forest floor with a deafening roar of pain.
They could hurt it. That made him feel better.
His relief evaporated as the beast swiftly recovered, hauling itself from the ground faster than he thought possible, but his archers took it for an unspoken signal. Arrows and bolts peppered its thick hide, to no effect—it shrugged off the projectiles like they were nothing more than pine needles, none sinking far enough to gain notable purchase.
Jax hefted his axe for another strike, careful not to over-commit this time. Nalah prodded the beast wherever she could with her pike, the melee weapon sliced and skewered just past the surface of the hide, though not enough to do more than marr. It was, however, enough to gain the attention of the target, the creature swinging two of its four arms to rake across the shield that the blond-furred female held. The iron plating across the front let out an unearthly shriek as claws ripped and crumpled the metal.
Well, fuck.
Nalah was quick to react, treating the shield less as an immovable barrier and more like a slight distance buffer, dodging in and out of range to steal jabs with the polearm. The security members nocked another volley, picking different targets than before. An arrow bounced harmlessly off the black orb of an eye, another finding purchase in what passed for gums in its mouth.
The hint was received; aim for the mouth. Thankfully, that was a large target. Less thankfully, it realized that flashing its teeth was detrimental to its health, slamming the maw closed.
Jax managed another swing, this time into one of the rear legs. It wasn’t as effective as the first strike, but it did warrant a sweeping double back-fist from the creature, scoring Jax’s armour with shallow claw marks as he jumped backwards. Joseph let out a breath as he fired his second shot, only just narrowly missing the sliver of a gap between razor teeth that the enraged attack afforded. It couldn’t keep its mouth shut forever, each frenzied swipe pulling its form enough for glimpses of softer flesh within to appear. The hunter dropped from their tree, darting across to reposition for a wider angle to capitalize on. The creature noticed, lunging forward to eviscerate the easier target.
Joseph blinked as two armoured figures jumped in front of the Lilhun, raising their blades in a tight guard to block the four arms grabbing for a quick meal. The beast recoiled with a thunderous screech, two of its appendages sporting deep gashes that fountained blood, while the others managed to impact above the edged outside of the blades. Rose and Cobalt pressed forward, buying time and space for the hunter to collect themselves and scale up another perch. Taking advantage of its pain, two new arrows ripped through the air, smacking into exposed inner flesh. Two new protrusions joined the first in the mouth, one landing next to the existing projectile, while the other cleared the gateway of serration, driving deeply inside of it.
More flicker jabs and extended straights pushed and cut the beast as it tried to gain distance from the two that wounded it, every retaliatory strike earning it another gash in its grey hide.. Unencumbered by the constant barrage, Nalah thrust into its legs more vigorously, her body leaning into each attack to gain every inch of penetration she could into the muscle and thick hide.
Jax used the chance to score another chopping blow, doubling down on a previous wound to a back leg—striking bone this time, based on the unholy wail the beast uttered. Joseph raised his crossbow to land another shot into its mouth, but the beast flailed wildly to fend off the ambush.
Rose managed to block, Jax lunged backwards, Nalah deflected most of it with what remained of her shield, but Cobalt was caught by a strike, taking the hit to its torso. The Atmo flew backwards, rolling when it landed, the carriage and assorted armoured plates trailing behind it. Rose shifted instantly, covering the direction that their companion had been sent while Jax and Nalah focused on pulling the beast away from the downed combatant.
Joseph’s eyes flicked to the Atmo, waging an internal battle on whether helping the insect would be better or worse for the situation as a whole. He didn’t want to lighten up their assault if it would just mean more injuries, but Cobalt could be in dire need for a patch job. It was hard to tell from where he was.
Cursing, he bolted from his spot, firing off one last round into the gaping maw before clipping the crossbow onto his armour and sliding on his knees in front of Cobalt, healroot hastily retrieved from his pocket.
He paused, sighing in relief when none of the armour bore more than deep gashes, the carapace underneath unblemished by the attack. Cobalt clicked lightly, dazed, but otherwise seeming unhurt. Unlearned in the physiology relevant, he ushered the Atmo to remain out of the fight for fear of concussion or something similar. They could look at the insect back at the base to be sure later.
“Joseph!”
His head spun around at both Jax and Nalah screaming his name, a massive clawed hand sweeping at him—the monster's approach unnoticed while he focused on Cobalt. Lacking a better option, he lunged forward towards the underside of the beast to dodge the swipe, crashing to his shoulder on the dirt below.
The creature raised a leg above Joseph, pounding the earth scant inches from his head as he rolled sideways. Ignoring the kicked up dirt, he brought his fist to the underside of the beast, flicking the release on his bracer.
Blood spouted from the newly formed wound, the blade breaking at the mechanism as the massive animal lurched in pain, Joseph rolling out of the way of another attempted trampling. He scrambled to his feet, feeling the wind of another strike narrowly missing him.
Yeah, that would probably kill him.
Luckily, the injuries renewed the desire to flee in the monstrosity, the group of attackers proving too dangerous to continue challenging. It stumbled away from them, sparing Cobalt from its panicked trudging. Jax and Nalah started to run towards him, worry evident in their eyes, but he barked for them to finish it, redirecting the two to keep the pressure going. He didn’t want to mention the pain in the arm from where the bracer hitched. It didn’t feel broken, and thus was irrelevant.
Pressure applied, the grey beast picked a random direction free of opponents to escape, ignorant of the waiting security. When it was too close for them to shoot into its mouth at a decent angle, they slung the bows over their shoulders and drew the swords they had been afforded, patiently waiting with the blades turned down.
It passed below them, the two Lilhuns dropping from the branches to put their full weight into the plunging blades. Both landed on the large target, one sword sinking deep into a shoulder, while the other managed to pierce one of its hip joints. The beast spun haphazardly to dislodge the ‘new’ threats, both security members kicking off and finding new trees to set up in.
Whatever damage was actually done, it had lost the use of an arm, and its gait shifted awkwardly as the blade lodged in its hip worked more harm with each shambling step.. Emboldened, Jax picked up the pace, struggling to position himself with the amount of metal he wore. Ducking another swipe of its claws, he saw his chance and swung, pivoting with his axe as a counter weight. For the third time, his axe blade found the wound in its leg, adding a sickening crunch as the bone snapped from the impact.
The creature swung wildly, forced to favour its two remaining good legs, and the only other leg that could still support at least some of its weight. It was unstable now, the hunched figure swaying while unmoving. Unable to run, it decided to go down with as many of them as it could.
Rose caught up with the attack, drawing attention from the comparatively squishy Nalah as the blond-furred female deflected a wayward swing with her shield. The once iron-plated ironwood now sporting little more than jagged scraps of metal atop its silver wooden structure, a series of deep gouges marring the surface. Two lunging thrusts with the pike bit flesh, drawing new blood from the beast.
Joseph loaded his crossbow, getting off two bolts, but not managing to keep it steady enough to hit anything of use, his arm faltering under the weight of the weapon. Cursing, he decided to flank the beast and try his luck with the other bracer. If nothing else, the force in which the blade deployed was enough to pierce the thick hide, and the others were doing a good job of distracting it.
The red armoured Atmo let loose a series of directed swings, the fifth severing an arm in motion, the flying appendage forcing Nalah to raise her shield to block the unorthodox projectile. The female was sent sprawling from the weight of the impact, but the beast was too busy voicing its agony to take advantage of it. Jax worked another two chops into the broad legs, but neither managed to incapacitate it any more, and the prolonged exertion was slowing his reflexes.
As if cued into his waning energy, the beast flung Jax with another strike, the hunter of the group sinking a bolt deep into the cavernous flesh of its mouth to prevent an attempt at following up.
Joseph roared, desperate to finish it off before the creature could do the same to his downed pack. He sprinted at the monster's back and slid underneath it with as much speed as he could muster. Throwing his fist into the passing undercarriage, he let the deployed blade leave a long gash in its wake.
The grey monster lost its ability to stand, torn tendons, blood loss, and inflicted injuries taking their toll. The Grand Hunter kicked off his knees to fling himself out of the way of the collapsing figure, grimacing as the remaining bracer proved unable to support the abuse he had put it through. He looked back at the beast, the flailing body failing to right itself as teeth did little more than gouge dirt, its back exposed. Rose approached, raising their blades together and plunging it through the body over and over until it stopped moving.
Exhausted, the Atmo dropped where it was, breathing heavily. Joseph’s instinct to yell their victory was delayed as he hurried over to Jax and Nalah to confirm he didn't need to bring back bad news. Nalah seemed fine, if a bit sore from hitting the dirt and rolling, while Jax just asked to lay down when he heard that everything was over. Cobalt came over to the group, the armour that had come off collected atop the carriage it had managed to loosely affix to its base.
It was light, a chuckle originating from the Human as he slumped to the ground against a tree, but soon the entire group was roaring with laughter as victory settled in their minds. The two security members helped the hunter begin disassembling the beast, their contribution to the fight leaving them with more energy than the rest. They hadn’t been slacking off, that much was certain. The number of arrows jammed into the maw of the thing would have guaranteed a few extra seconds of survival and chances to escape if one of them had been forcibly tossed into there, and it had caused enough pause for the rest of them to get in a few hits up close.
Joseph rested across from Jax and Nalah, letting his heart rate slow from the rapid pace it had been pinned to since the start of the conflict. His arm continued its protests, but from the amount of movement he still had, he guessed that he had just strained the elbow. A few days taking it easy should straighten that right up.
Once the active members were about half way through processing the creature for hide and meat, Cobalt approached him, a mimed request for assistance putting their armour back on being redirected to Nalah since he doubted he could lift the damn pieces without hurting himself at the moment. She obliged, getting the blue Atmo back in full attire, though it took a while.
Rose stood first, stopping over to allow the hunter to place collected bits and pieces onto the carriage before securing it with whatever they could make due. A security member gathered the moss-wolf corpses for a similar treatment. Waste not, want not, he supposed.
Rose ended up carrying most of their spoils. When he was about to ask why, he, Jax, and Nalah were dragged to Cobalt and hefted onto the carriage. A series of confused questions revealed that the rest wanted to head back before it started getting dark, and it was pretty obvious who was the most exhausted of them. Lacking the will or energy to argue it, he flopped back on the Atmo as the trees passed them by, Nalah resting her legs across him as her head sat on Jax’s lap. The black-furred male didn’t so much as smirk, so it was clear he had pushed himself too far to quip about the arrangement as he laid down.
“The next time you wish to exhaust me this much, Joseph,” the Head of Security started after a long while of silence, tiredness in his voice, “I would prefer it to involve my mate and a bed.”
The Human snorted, closing his eyes and enjoying the lack of walking as the surprisingly stable Atmo carried the three of them. “Fuck off, Jax.”
“Of course, Grand Hunter.”
Next
A/N: Patreon is fixed!... aka new one cuz problems with the last. Check it out to support the story, get AI character art every now and then, or even preview sections of chapters as i write them! (aka, before kieve gets to fix them :D)

Note: I am a 16 year old female and live in Australia.
I will basically just note down the main points, feel free to ask questions in the comments.

• My interview lasted 5 minutes. The assistant restaurant manager asked me very simple questions (describe your self in 3 words, what school do you go to, what year are you in, whats your favourite and least favourite subject and why, why do you want to work at mcdonald’s, and whats your availability). I wore all black clothing.
  
• I got the acceptance email the same day (I done the interview at 4pm and I got accepted at 9pm)
  
• My orientation lasted around 2.5 hours and we just did online modules which took around 1.5 hours for me to complete. I also filled out documents about my personal information (address, number, TFN etc) I wore all black and so did the other people. I got paid for the orientation.
  
• My first training week was on fries, I got 2 training shifts then one actual shift. I got trained for dining & fries during this week.
  
• My second training week was on front counter, I got 2 training shifts for front counter then one actual shift at the end of the week.
  
• My third training week was on drive thru. I got 2 training shifts for drive thru and one actual shift at the end of the week. All training shifts were paid for.
  
• My drive thru trainer told me that after training we will only get shifts on fries for a few months, then we will only get shifts on front counter for a few months, then we will get drive thru shifts for a few months.
  

Additional notes:

• A very common question they would ask you is “why do you want to work at mcdonald’s” so I recommend preparing an answer for that beforehand.
  
• You don’t need to worry too much about your interview, theres a lot of turnover in fast food restaurants so they usually hire 10-15 people a month. In my case, they hired 6 people in the same week.
  
• I recommend checking out Stephen Patula on youtube because he has a lot of videos of himself working at mcdonald’s so you can see what kind of tasks they do, how to make and prepare the food and kind of what it’s like to work in the fast food industry.
  
• I was worried about learning the register and the menu so I kind of familiarised myself with the different menus (breakfast, lunch, happy meals, dinner boxes, mccafe menu etc) and what foods go in each menu. This helped me when learning the register.
  
• Fries is the easiest station to learn. Front counter might seem stressful in the beginning because you’re learning a lot of tasks at once but the more you do it the easier it gets. Honestly front counter is really fun for me now. Drive thru is probably the easiest station for me now.
  
• Drive thru person does the cashier job using a headset. At my restaurant, they also prepare (not cook) the hotcakes and wipe the walls when its not busy. Drive thru person will also occasionally help out on front counter and bring might bring the orders to the cars in the waiting area.
  
• When I first started I thought I wasn’t gonna last there because it was a bit stressful multitasking but I promise it gets easier. If you’re new you’re allowed to make mistakes! my trainer said it took her 2-3 months to learn the register and she is now a trainer so if you’re struggling do not worry, you will get it eventually.
  
• My trainer said once you get used to everything and you’re good at every station you were trained in you can ask them to train you on McCafe if that’s something that interests you.
  
• The most important thing to remember for your interview is to be confident, sit up straight, use hand gestures and don’t touch your hair or face. If you’re nervous it’s okay, just try your best and don’t overthink the negative stuff.
  
• I got paid for every shift (including training & orientation)
  
• The floors are wet so you must have non slip shoes. In terms of what to wear to your interview/orientation, I just wore a black button up and black pants, for orientation I wore a black long sleeve and black pants.
  
• If you plan on working long term (6 months+) it’s probably a good idea to make good friends there. Personally the crew members make every shift worth it! to make friends you just have to make an effort of talking to the team. In my store everyone gets along so well and they mess around a bit even near the managers (joking around, singing, casually chatting etc) You just have to make an effort to make friends.
  

Does this actually work? Looking for someone weird but cool. Like cool weird, not too weird.. Just be genuine. Good vibes. And positive energy.
I like traveling. I have an obsession with the moon. I eat a lot of chinese food and sushi. cats are my favorite animal. I’m good at gardening in case of apocalypse. Palm trees make me happy.
I don’t like pineapple pizza or the kardashians.
Bonus points if you like house/techno.
I also have a recently discovered deep obsession for 60s music.
Negative points if you like the kardashians. please don’t for the love of god 😂🙏🏼
Message me say hi

This piece recounts the first time I drank an ancient plant medicine called Ayahuasca. It comes from Amazonian tribes who consider it a sacred plant medicine with healing powers and, given what a hugely beneficial impact it has had on my life, I am very comfortable describing it as medicine.
One Saturday, in the spring of 2016 I was greeted by the medicine man himself with a big hug, let’s call him Blu. I came into his kitchen to be greeted by several women with slightly comical homemade, feather headdresses and couldn’t help but think I’d walked into a kid’s birthday party. In the garden, there was a small festival tent set up which had a hay bale altar with easter decorations.
The ceremony had around 30 other participants and 10 shamans. In the middle of the tent stood the medicine man’s wife, Sun who was very much the master of the ceremony. She had the most daring headdress, flowing orange robes and a rattle in her hand. She spoke to us with warm, friendly humour telling us that we would know the medicine had kicked in once her singing started to sound good!
She advised that each experience is unique and we should try not to have huge expectations, sometimes nothing at all happens the first time. Having waited five years for this day I was quietly confident that this would not be the case for me and boy was I right!
We went around the circle introducing ourselves and explained what we were hoping to get out of the ceremony. Focusing on your intent during a psychedelic experience is meant to help you get what you are looking for.
During my turn, I expressed my desire to regain my self-confidence and passion for the opportunities and women in my life to whom I never seem to be able to fully commit.
Once we had all shared, we learned that it was time to drink.
My heart was filled with profound forbearing and excitement as I went up to receive a small glass of harsh-tasting, brown liquid which certainly tasted like medicine!
I had a basic camping mattress and a duvet laid out for me which I snuggled into before pulling on my eye mask. I was on my back trying not to think too much about the medicine, whether it was working or maybe wouldn’t work while I meditated for an hour.
The shamans started singing and shaking rattles. One of the female shamans, Nubia had an incredibly beautiful soprano voice that stood out from the others. It was while listening to the song of the shamans that I started to feel a warm flow of energy along my limbs. I tried to dismiss it at first, thinking it might somehow be related to my fasting for 40 hours prior.
When I moved my eye mask to let some light into my eyes I saw the tent roof overlaid with a flowing grid of beautiful, metallic, geometric grids with multi-coloured light flowing through the lines. The Individual elements of the grid reflected every colour of the rainbow like oil on water’s surface and I started to feel joyful, like a child rolling through leaves on a warm autumn day.
Nubia started singing to us again and it was like nothing I’d ever heard. It was so beautiful and mesmerizing I didn’t want her to stop.
I could hear the people around me, some giggling and some vomiting or, purging medicine into their buckets. I checked myself, asking if should I purge but I felt a gentle presence speak inside of me saying: ‘No, you’re fine. Just relax.’

They call this presence Mother Ayahuasca. The reason people drink the brew is to speak with and receive her guidance.

My eye mask was back on my face and I turned into the fetal position with the duvet pulled over my head I felt exceptionally comfy with this strange yet familiar presence as I started to explore the un-intimidating hallucinogenic world within my mind. She showed me complex pictures of flowing energy with multicoloured lights in perfect alignment while I was gently gliding along, watching the beautiful colourful spectacle.
It was around this time that Sun asked into the ceremony if anybody would like a second dose. I slowly sat upright and looked around. I checked myself. Truthfully, I was enjoying the experience. I was slightly nervous that having more could take me to a deeper, darker place however I had mentally prepared myself for the full immersion experience.
The presence told me: ‘It’s okay. You can handle it. I’ll be gentle.’
So I pulled on my shoes, got up and slowly walked over feeling slightly wobbly. I was worried Sun might tell me I’d had enough but when I sat in front of her, she gave me a big smile and beckoned me towards her. The second dose was about half the previous one and tasted familiar, not quite as harsh.
After I got up I walked out of the tent into the house. Sitting in the small toilet I saw the walls gently rippling with energy and recognized the phenomenon from previous psychedelic experiences. I’ve experienced mild, LSD-induced hallucinations before but nothing quite as mesmerizing as watching bright sparks of colorful energy emerging from objects and pictures.
Snuggling back under my duvet I listened to the rattles and felt myself floating deeper into the kaleidoscopic universe seeing my own body curled up but instead of my skin and flesh, I saw myself as streaming veins of energy. Millions of thin fibre optic threads pulsated with warm healing energy which outlined my body.
I felt myself lying on the floor in the jungle with mystical symbols and ineffable tribal figures around me. I felt like I was in a different, timeless dimension however I was surprisingly lucid and could snap out of it to check myself with ease. At some point I had to giggle as my boring pragmatist made the smart-ass remark, ‘You’re not lying in the jungle. You’re in a garden less than 100 meters from the Thames estuary!’
I had my eyes closed for most of the afternoon. I was seeing ever richer patterns. When I opened my eyes the patterns were still there but they were overlaid on the reality in front of my eyes. I could change them with the blink of an eye or bring back shapes I had seen previously.
I started thanking this entity for showing me all this beauty and felt the urge to reciprocate. I revealed some personal memories but they looked so very different. It seemed like they had a photo filter applied that filled the memory with golden light as they came alive with breathtaking beauty, streaming with colourful energy. I visited various life moments and it felt like entering into a photo and suddenly being there on that day!
I was there sitting in our garden at home. Once again I was a chubby baby covering my face with baked beans. I was actually there! I was picking the baked beans off my face and pushing them, one by one into my mouth.
They say that Mother Ayahuasca is a deep ancient spirit and I always imagined her as a deeply serious, majestic queen. I started wondering what she might look like… and so she appeared.
She was stern but not an old woman. Aya was young, perfectly matched to my age and exceptionally beautiful. She had long, smooth brown hair and big beautiful eyes filled with power and inspiration. As I looked closer at her exquisite face I realized that her features were constantly changing complexion. Her skin cycled from Amazonian to Latin to Nubian to Oriental and Mediterranean. She was outlined by swirling rainbow-coloured curls of light. The rest of her naked body only came into being when I directly looked at it. I realize that she was not one woman but a combination of every beautiful woman I’ve ever felt attracted to. I wanted her. She wanted me. We kissed and whirled around as we floated through my Entheoverse. My body of swirling rainbow energy flowed into her and hers into mine and this is how we made love passionately.
I had visions of us being on a summer weekend getaway in a stylish city. We lay in luxurious hotel rooms and I remember a cream-coloured clock on the wall, with Roman numerals but no hands to tell the time. I was dressed smartly as I led her by her hand into classy restaurants that had champagne poured, waiting by our table. It was like we were on a never-ending date, teleporting from one experience into the next, eloping while taking our time to enjoy each other’s energy, and passionately loving one another.
Afterwards, she lay in my arms and I asked what else she could show me and she replied; ‘What else would you like me to show you?’ I wasn’t prepared for this and my mind went a bit blank realizing that I could do anything, go anywhere in space and time I wanted.
I asked her; ‘Can you help me find my confidence?’
There was no clear answer. Instead, I had the random idea to become the temple stem of my friend Julio’s glasses. I looked at him from the bit next to the hinge and I could see him put the glasses on in the morning, and take them off at night and in the reflection of his right eye, I saw him coming home and watched his beautiful daughter jumping into his arms. Then I saw on his eyeball the reflection of me walking into the room and a felt warm glow spread through me.
Next, I visited my baby nephew sitting in my brother’s living room, in his red chair. I crossed my hands on my chest like he does and saw my brother and his wife smiling at me giving me warm hugs but more than seeing their faces while they hugged my body I could feel the way they felt when they put their arms around me and press me to their chests.
I saw all my brother’s smiles and happy faces as we jollied about, trying to make each other laugh as we do. I visited all my closest friends, took in their smiles and one by one, as I hugged each of them, I could feel their love for me.

Later I realized that Aya was indeed trying to give me confidence by showing me how much the people in my life care for me

I visited the girl I had just started dating called Anna whose raw energy I find simply irresistible. I came into her new apartment that I’d never visited before. She was standing in sexy lingerie by a floor-to-ceiling window looking down onto the busy Tottenham Court road. I remember her turning her beautiful face as I approached, touching it with ten fingers and kissing her lips passionately as we erupted into rainbow swirls of energy.
I also visited my ex-girlfriend Jo, whose body and spiritual mind I still loved but whose soul is too damaged by the fear of rejection and tough mental armour I never managed to vanquish.
She was asleep in our white room in LA that she had so carefully decorated and I spooned my energy into her little body. She woke and we cuddled and kissed and I said I was sorry it didn’t work out between us and she replied; ‘It’s ok. I wasn’t ready for you…’
I asked Aya if we had made the right decision to stop forcing it and just be friends and felt her nod wisely.
At some point, I remember all three of us lying in bed together but instead of feeling like the king of the world, I felt like a greedy pig.
One of the underlying themes of the whole journey was how slowly gently and unhurried everything felt and I think the lesson I was meant to learn was that it’s ok to not settle right now — I thought I just haven’t found the one, the right woman to share my life with…
Aya kept giving me gentle advice throughout. I asked her about the stimulants I love such as cannabis, coffee and alcohol but instead of the stern telling-off I was secretly hoping to receive she told me; ‘You know they don’t serve you when you abuse them but they are also a part of what shaped you… Take care of the beautiful body you have been given.’
She repeated many times; Take care of yourself more… take care.
I asked Aya how I could find the power to harness my mind which has always been blessed and cursed with a distracting imagination and to keep my lack of attention from killing my dreams.
Instantly, I saw an unreal version of myself.
I was standing in something like a black shiny display window, straight out of a Mercedes advert. This guy was not merely a little bit better than I am now and I realized that the version staring back at me was my best self!
That guy is sharp, he is determined, and he dresses immaculately. That guy knows exactly what he is doing. When he enters the room, people notice his presence from the invisible halo that brightly surrounds him.
I asked Aya, how I could become him and the answer became clear. That guy works. He knows exactly where his energy comes from and all of a sudden I understood — The confident image he projects comes from the love he feels for himself which makes him look loved and successful in other people’s eyes. There is no room for distraction because that guy knows his worth and knows his purpose.
She gave me such a clear image of myself. I can still see myself standing motionless in the black, shiny shop window with rainbow-coloured fibre optic strains lighting the air that gently flowed around me.
How long I lay like that is impossible to say but I guess it was around 5–6 hours but it felt like an eternity of journeying into myself.
But it wasn’t all just warm energy and neon colours. I distinctly remember at some point realizing, it was time to go to the toilet. Afterwards, I walked back into the garden and found the Ewok-faced little terrier yapping at me. I laughed at him as I noticed the blue silver and chrome energy swirls around his head and ears. I couched down to see if I could pacify him but I suddenly became aware that his barking must be interfering with other people’s experiences. I turned to hurry into the tent as one of the shamans came out, to tell off the dog saying; ‘What’s wrong doggy, he’s alright!’ As I walked into the tent there were certainly more people sitting upright than when I had left and I read some irritated expressions on people’s faces, at least three people got up and walked out.
I lay down in shame but all my friend’s energy avatars ran up to me saying ‘It’s fine!’ as they doggy piled on top of me. It made me feel better. I felt them warm the cold shame out of me and I began relaxing again. I played around as before but the energy had markedly changed, it didn’t feel as light-hearted anymore. It was heavier and more serious. I was feeling the effects of the medicine becoming even stronger so I decided to sit up but when I opened my eyes, I saw Nubia hit the deck at my feet on a hastily arranged bed after having just purged into a bucket. I could see vomit in her black wavy hair as I started to think, ‘…oh dear if even the shamans are starting to falter, I’m in trouble.’
I didn’t know what to do. I tried to lie back down again. I asked Aya to help me, as she had several times previously when I’d gotten a little bit frightened but this time I could not sense her presence and I knew why. I had to go through this for myself.
It felt like I was sitting in a shopping trolley, rolling down a steep hill toward darkness, realizing as it picked up speed and bucked to and fro that this had been a bad decision, a dangerous idea and the only way it would end would be for the momentum to collide with suffering.
I needed help so I weakly put up my hand and within a few seconds, one of the shamans sat down next to me. She was wearing a white feather dress and occoured to me like an angel. She helped me sit up and as soon as I was sitting upright I began to retch. She passed me my bucket which I gratefully barfed into…
After I purged I felt better. My angel asked me if I felt okay again and I asked her to stay with me and hold my hand for a while longer, which she did. I gently leaned over and rested my head on her feathery bosom and felt a sense of peace and strength flow back into me. I saw my energy self, the swirling electrons of light curling my limbs as I sat cross-legged, hunched over like a bear cub being cradled by his mother bear.
She helped me lie back down and I started to return to my technicoloured dream state. I asked Aya if we could make love again and she said ‘Of course’ but it felt different, when I opened my inner eye to see the face of the person I was entangled with I saw my own. Aya had taken on my form and this might well be the strangest thing I’ve ever written but I was exceptionally attracted to myself and I realized that this could be how girls who are in bed with me see me. I could feel the burning desire a girl feels when we make love. It felt strange but also good.

They said Ayahuasca show you not what you want to see but rather what you need to see at any specific point in your life.

I visited countless friends, some people no longer in my life becouse we have grown apart and even those whose who have passed away. I visited my German grandparents and told them how much I loved them.
While I cuddled Oskar, the dog I grew up with, and played with him in our garden I looked up to see my dad approach us with tears in his eyes. I knew what he was going to say. When he told me that my grandmother had died I didn’t run away in confusion as I had on that day, instead, I went to hug my mom and for the first time, I empathized with the pain she had felt in that moment of hearing that her mother had passed.
I visited my friend Keith whose passing I have always felt a slight responsibility for since I know he read my travel blog and went to Costa Rica a month after I’d been there where he swam out to sea and drowned. I hugged him tightly and cried gently but he grabbed me firmly by the shoulders and said; ‘It wasn’t you! It wasn’t you…’
I visited my old school friend Alex who I had not been close to but whose misfortune to be on flight 447 still touched me. I told him and his beautiful fiance whom I’d never met that I was so sorry for them having been so frightened when they died but instead of me comforting them, they hugged and comforted me as I lay there silently crying for the people I missed. But it was not painful. Quite the opposite, it felt cathartic, like I was letting out the pain and healing myself.
At some point, while it was still light out Sun said “OK, I know that some of you are still on your journey but we will start having some food soon so if you want to share what you experienced now is the time.” I listened to some of the reports.
Several people said that they had a very rough ride because they had tried to fight it. One girl even said she was convinced she was dying. I felt very lucky and grateful for my gentle, warm ride through my multi-coloured Enthenoverse and wondered if I would ever return…
When it was my turn I said that I had finally been able to see how my friends and family see me and why they think I am awesome which will give me the confidence to finally believe that I am awesome (that got a laugh :). I also shared my new appreciation for how profoundly beautiful my life has been up until now and hoped that it will give me the strength to stop comparing myself to others, to focus on my own path and become my best self.

10 weeks later

My life has undeniably changed over the last 10 weeks.
The following day I drove back to my rented shepherd’s hut in a nature reserve and had an exceptionally rich experience walking through the marshes. The sun was shining and everything seemed so intensely beautiful. I was moved just by watching something as simple as a male and a female bird fly across the water in perfect sync. It made me well up emotionally.
I’ve cried a lot recently and I believe it’s a good thing. I cry on most days.
Usually, it happens when I see someone doing something kind and for a brief moment I get overwhelmed and shed a tear. But again, they are not tears of pain they are usually tears of joy and I feel like I have become much more in touch with my emotions.
It feels like bringing Aya’s female spirit into my awareness has tripped a switch in my brain making me more feminine, hence a more complete human being. I’ve also started to care more about my appearance. My mum commented recently that I looked different and she is right. I’ve been working out more. I get my hair cut more frequently and I’ve even gone and bought new clothes that dress me with more style, even when it’s not particularly necessary.
My work attitude has also changed. I find myself a lot more productive and capable of operating at a higher level while enjoying the entire experience so much more!
I honestly feel more in control of my life. I feel focused on who I am, who I can become and what I can achieve. Previously my decisions in life seemed more vague and fuzzy.
Above all, I feel the happiest that I have felt since childhood. The last 10 weeks have been almost like a too-good-to-be-true dream for me.
I’m also positively influencing the people around me. My grandfather wrote me the following sentence after my most recent visit.
You have this mysterious gift of raising the spirits of people both just by being there and by your gift of empathy.

Epilogue

I have indeed had more Ayahuasca ceremonies since I first wrote this and even though there was a 4 year gap between my 4th and my 5th experience I have felt the effect compound over time. I will be publishing more of my trip reports over on medium and would appreciate your supporting me by following me over there where I also publish contant whihc is not just psychedilic in nature. https://medium.com/@hi_niels

** Fri 6/9 *\*
Fri 4 - 7:30 PM Food Truck Friday Rio Rancho Regional Chamber of Commerce, 4201 Crestview Dr. SE, Rio Rancho We welcome attendees of all ages to gather together and enjoy great food and music
Fri 5 - 7 PM Exhibit Opening: Colors That Speak Words Indian Pueblo Cultural Center, 2401 12th St. NW Join us in celebration of the visual arts, poetry, and calligraphy. "Colors That Speak Words" is a collaborative installation between two writers and two visual artists with words, poetry, and visual arts and speaks to how this combination of mediums can be done in a cyclical way. The artists, Dr. Anthony Fleg, Mallery Quetawki (Zuni), Blythe Mariano (Diné), and Chilán Mustain, worked together to create an installation in motion, and the vision they bring to this space is from a contemporary perspective on how Native art is presented. This is an innovative view for visitors to see that Native art is changing and adjusting to the times. The artists will be present at the exhibit opening to read poetry and talk about this installation. Admission is free; please enter through South Entrance. Light refreshments will be served. This exhibit will be on display through October 15
Fri 5 - 10 PM Car Show & Concert! EXPO NM Home of the New Mexico State Fair, 300 San Pedro Dr. NE Friday night fever Vol 2! CAR SHOW & AWARDs, RAP CONCERT, VENDORS, FOOD TRUCKS, GAMES, ROCK CLIMBING WALL. All Makes and Models welcome. FREE GENERAL ADMISSION. $7 Parking, $10 Car Show judging and awards (only if you want to register and compete) Event brought to you by Expo NM and Desert Sun Event Productions. Car show brought to you by Sins events and NM Lowrider Arte
Fri 6 PM Rugby is a Drag (Show)! Sidewinders Bar and Grill, 4200 Central Ave SE Get out your dancing cleats and trade in that eye black for eye liner! The very popular Rugby is a Drag (show!) and fundraiser, normally held earlier in the year, has moved to June 9th and Pride weekend in 2023! This year's event will be hosted by Miss Sidewinders 2023 Seliah Deleon and Le Femme Magnifique 2017 and fellow rugger SCRUMtious Cox! This year's show is returning to Sidewinders and, as in year's past, will benefit our friends at Casa Q, which provides safe living for LGBTQ+ youth through housing, services and advocacy. This year's event will also feature participation from members of Elevated Roller Derby, NM United and more! (tickets)
Fri 7 PM Movies in the Park - Puss in Boots: The Last Wish Athena Park, 778 Athena Ave, Bernalillo MOVIES IN THE PARK is back this SUMMER! We will feature a different movie at our local parks every FRIDAY night in June. Movies will begin at sundown and we will serve popcorn for free! Bring your lawn chairs, blankets, and beverages. All movies are FREE! In the case of inclement weather, movies will be cancelled
Fri 8 PM - 12 AM Pride Dance Party 505 Spirits, 105 Harvard Dr. SE DANCE WITH US TO CELEBRATE PRIDE UNDER THE STARS @ PRIDE ON THE PATIO! DJ Baby D & DJ Rebel (Rori the Rebel) will drop your favorite hits - Get your dance on and show of your Pride with your best Pride outfit &/or Pride colors! Try our special cocktail: Prickly Pear Pride Punch, plus other great drinks and delicious food! Come early for dinner before you dance, daNCE, DANCE!!! Delicious Value Menu Items: $2.95 - NEW Sliders! (beef & veg) $1.95 - local blue corn dog pops (minis) $5.95 waffle fries & full sized blue corn dogs (veg or beef) Plus our flaky meat & veg hand pies, chunky chicken salad, mushroom pate & more! 21 & over Free Entry!
Fri 9 PM Albuquerque Pride Afterparty Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE Starring Headliner: Malaysia Babydoll Foxx, DJ: Justin Cristofer, HOST: Vanessa Patricks, MEET THE QUEENS! Avery Martini, Imani Martini, Nova Martini, Kardio Karbdashian, Divyne Intervention. Private Early Entrance Meet N Greet begins at 8:15 p.m. entrance with Meet N Greet starting 8:30 p.m. Champagne Provided (tickets)
Fri 9 PM Fierce Pride: Kandy Muse Effex, 420 Central Ave SW Special guest from RPDR All Stars S13 and AS8, LA, CA, Meet and Greet 10:30 PM, doors 9p, show 11:30p Lounge: DJ Chris de Jesus Patio: DJ Aquattro Side Effex: DJ Mitch
Fri 9:30 PM Salsa under the Stars After Party JUNO, 1501 1st St. NW DJ Pedro, one of Albuquerque’s most loved DJ’s (DJ Pedro, DJ Tony, SoloVino, DJ Louie, DJ Darly + Eli Mix) mixing your favorite dance mix of Salsa, Bachata, Merengue and more! This is one of Albuquerque’s favorite after party summer outdoor events and will begin June 9th following the opening of Son Como Son kicking off the Salsa under the Stars at the Albuquerque Museum followed by the after party at Juno. Free entry to Juno with your stamp from the museum
Fri 10:30 PM Twilight Zone: The Movie - 40th Anniversary Screening! One Night Only! The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE Check out the trailer. Dir. Joe Dante, Steven Spielberg, John Landis & George Miller - 1983 - 102m - NO MATINEES. DOOR PRIZES COURTESY OF BUBONICON 54! Based on the popular television series, this film is a collection of four frightening tales of the supernatural, each by a different director--Joe Dante, Steven Spielberg, John Landis, and George Miller! The film opens with Dan Aykroyd and Albert Brooks as two hapless road-trippers who tell scary stories to pass the time. The four segments that follow include some updated re-creations of classic Twilight Zone episodes. In the first, racist Bill Connor (Vic Morrow) is transformed into a Jew in World War II. Next, Mr. Bloom (Scatman Crothers) comes to a retirement home to teach the residents that they are only as young as they feel. In the third, teacher Helen Foley (Kathleen Quinlan) meets Antony (Jeremy Licht), a boy who is not what he seems. In the final segment, panicky plane passenger John Valentine (John Lithgow) sees gremlins attacking his flight
** Sat 6/10 *\*
Sat 8 AM - 2 PM NMHRS Garage Sale 7903 Robin Ave NE Hosted by the New Mexico House Rabbit Society. All sales go into our vet fund so that we can continue to provide medical care to rabbits in need. This is a multi-family garage sale so there will be lots to browse through
Sat 8 AM - 10 PM All The Things: Craft Cocktail & Mixer Launch Tractor Brewing Company, 118 Tulane Dr. SE The next evolution in the craft cocktail experience is here and officially launch in Nob Hill for Pride! What is All The Things? Well, let me tell you. Imagine 100% fresh cold pressed juice, pure cane sugar, and Troubled Minds spirits all in one 1L bottle ready to pour over ice! That's right you can purchase these ready made bottle cocktails now at ANY of our locations! We have: Margarita with Tequila, Paloma with Tequila, Kentucky Mule with Bourbon, Ginger Lemonade with Vodka, Limeade with Vodka & Bloody Mary with Vodka! Grab you one to go for $16! We will be using mixers of these behind our bars so you can get a first hand taste! And offering non alcoholic lavender, ginger, and classic lemonades for you to sip on! These truly are All The Things in one bottle!
Sat 9 AM - 12 PM Family, Fit, Fun Fest Tiguex Park, 1800 Mountain Rd. NW Join us for the Girl Scouts of New Mexico Trails 2nd annual Family, Fit, Fun Fest. Bring your whole family to this free, all-ages event to learn about keeping fit and healthy - mentally, physically, and emotionally. Learn new skills and discover ways to keep your mind and body healthy and active, as you visit interactive booths led by community partners. Booths will include hands-on activities like games, puzzles, and brain teasers, as well as interactive lessons in martial arts, dance, mindfulness, and more. Booths will also include information on youth classes, clubs, and teams, as well as opportunities to meet local healthcare providers and learn more about mental health, nutrition, eye care, and dental care for your whole family. Climb to the top of a rock wall, make your way through an obstacle course, try the football toss or the baseball toss, shoot a hockey puck, or score a goal at interactive stations around the event! Meet and take photos with local sports teams and/or mascots and stop by Menchie's Froyo Mobile for a sweet treat. Girl Scout Members can participate in a special event scavenger hunt when they pre-purchase the 2023 GSNMT Family, Fit, Fun Fest patch
Sat 10 AM SOCH PRIDE '23 Albuquerque Social Club, 4021 Central Ave NE Come show your PRIDE at the ONLY place to be SOCHial! We are taking over the parking lot for a FREE ALL AGES event. We have multile bands, musicians and perfromers ready to give a PRIDE you wont forget. Food Truck, Vendors, Face Painting, Car Show, Games, Country Dancing and many other fun events!
Sat 10 - 11 AM Yoga with Kelsi Poulin Marketplace mezzanine, 8600 Pan American Fwy NE Enjoy guided yoga, from local yoga instructor, Kelsi! This will be a fun flow for all levels of yoga practice. $10 per person
Sat 10 AM - 12 PM Play Day For A Cause Kiddie Academy of Paradise Hills, 4590 Paradise Blvd. NW Join us for Play Day for a Cause! This free event has great games and fun activities for your kids while supporting Family Promise, the leading national nonprofit addressing family homelessness. Family Promise started in 1986 as local outreach in a single community and now has more than 200 Affiliates in 43 states. Since their founding, volunteers have helped more than a million family members in need. With a focus on empowering families and children, Kiddie Academy Educational Child Care and Family Promise are working together to give every child what they deserve: a chance to succeed. The event is free and open to the public. Donations are appreciated, but not required to attend
Sat 10 AM - 4 PM Foundational Wellness Grand Opening Party Los Ranchos Bakery, 6920 4th St. NW, Los Ranchos Celebrate our grand opening event by stopping by the B Side of Los Ranchos Bakery! Herbal tea blends, door prizes, free raffle, information on classes and events, and more! Win a free reiki session, teas, discounts on classes, or discounts on nutritional therapy! I will be teaching numerous classes at the bakery this summer. Some topics: How to make Herbal Vinegar Tinctures (aceta), Hormone Health, Healthy Habits for Life, Improve Your Digestion, Prioritizing Meal Prep, Blood Sugar Regulation, and my RESTART Program! You don’t want to miss out! Some of these classes will be free! So come on down and get some coffee and goodies from the bakery, then visit me next door and see what we’ve been up to
Sat 10 AM - 5 PM Pride Day Celebration! Quirky Used Books and More, 120 Jefferson NE Book sales, vendor pop ups, food truck, art, music, and more!
Sat 10:30 AM - 12 PM Wellness Schedule Casa Rondeña Winery, 733 Chavez Rd. NW, Los Ranchos Open to people of all skill levels, Wellness + Wine is a one-hour, outdoor practice, followed by a glass of wine or Sangria, and an invitation to stay and relax on the grounds of the beautiful Casa Rondeña Winery. This experience is $25, and includes glass of wine. Discounts apply for winery members. Reservations are required to participate
Sat 11 AM - 4 PM Papa Bear Market Boxing Bear Brewing, 10200 Corrales Rd. NW We couldn’t forget about our PAPA BEARS! Dads deserve some love and appreciation too! Spend the day celebrating Papa at our taproom. As always this FREE event will include local vendors, food trucks, photo booth, live music, paint your own pint, and, of course, BEER! (click link for full list of vendors)
Sat 11 AM - 5 PM June Used Book Sale Main Library, 501 Copper Ave NW Join us for the monthly book sale. There will be a variety of fiction, non-fiction, children and adults books, videos, DVDs, CDs, comic books, maps, and more available. Free for Members - $2 for Non-Members Free to all after noon. All Sales are held in the Lower Level, Main Library, Validated parking is available on 5th and Copper, kitty-corner to the library. The Friends of the Public Library is a non-profit organization. All proceeds go to supporting the Public Library of Albuquerque & Bernalillo County library programs
Sat 12 - 5 PM Summer Luau - Adoptables, Swag, Brews, and more! Lizard Tail Brewing Industrial, 3351 Columbia Dr. NE Hosted by Pitties and Kitties of New Mexico. We will have some PKR Tees, some PKR Pride gear, and best of all - our adoptabulls! Our booth will have a small auction set up… the prize being Tattoo Certificates with an ABQ tattoo artist! There will be a car show, other vendors, as well as water activities. Hope to see y’all there!
Sat 1 - 3 PM Family Field Day! Montgomery Park, Hosted by ABQ Family Chiropractic. A celebration of all the families who trust us with their care, and an opportunity for families who are considering our office to get to know our team in a fun, low-stakes environment. Food and family-friendly activities will be provided
Sat 1 - 4 PM Zouk with Jaime Arôxa! Alley Kats Tap Company, 222 Truman St. NE We will continue building on, and reviewing everything we have learned with Jamie Arôxa and Kiri Chapman thus far. We will continue to work on Zouk basics and building on the basics including connection and timing, musicality, lateral with variations, Yo-yo, viradinha, cambre, body, rolls, body, isolations, weight transfers, counterbalance, elástico, convergence & divergence, Wi-Fi, head, movement, styling, head movement, varying turns, and Chicote. Classes will be progressive and will be adjusted to the level of each class. Drop in anytime * All levels welcome * No partner needed * Cash preferred - can also accept Venmo and Cash App to $UWDstudios
Sat 1:30 - 4 PM Father's Day Tee Cabezon Park, 2307 Cabezon Blvd. SE, Rio Rancho Celebrate Father's Day with a round of miniature golf or two! Tee-off with dad at our Annual Father's Day "Tee". Enjoy some snacks, and an Arnold Palmer while making a craft with dad. Prizes awarded for the top 3 teams in miniature golf! Each child and parent must register individually. NO DROP-INS. Please contact the Cabezon Community Center at 505-892-4499 for more info
Sat 4 - 5 PM East Coast Swing Group Class Enchantment Dancing, 337 San Pedro Dr. NE Welcome to our Bronze American East Coast Swing Class! Whether you are a newbie stepping on to the dance floor for the first time or a seasoned professional wanting to brush up on basics, as well as anyone in-between, this class is for you! East Coast Swing is an exciting, up-beat dance that is endlessly versatile! No partner necessary, and dropping in is fine! Class cost is only $10, and a punch card for 6 classes is $50
Sat 6 - 10 PM Baddie Fest OT Circus, 709 Central Ave NW let's all have a fun summer night. Fairy Julz (crystals and more to raise your energy) will be at @ otcircus. Market, Music, Dance Performers, Crystal Pop Up Booth, Henna, Woman Vendors. Tag and invite your favorite baddies
Sat 6 - 11 PM Heights Summerfest North Domingo Baca Park, Celebrate warm weather and outdoor fun at a free community gathering during an Albuquerque Summerfest. This free concert series features local businesses with handcrafted products in The Shops, food trucks with freshly made cuisine in the Food Court, libations created by breweries, wineries and distilleries in The Cantina, entertainment by local talent, and a production by a national headliner all at a City park (click here for more info: live music, food trucks, kids' activities, drinks, vendors, parking)
Sat 7 PM Dancing Queens Sunshine Theater, 120 Central Ave SW Throw out your calendar! Buy a new calendar! Mark June 10th as the first and ONLY date in your calendar! Pride weekend, all the dancing queens are descending on the Sunshine Theater for the night of all nights. Juicee Früt presents Dancing Queens! Featuring performances by Red Light Cameras, ABBAquerque, Galaxy, Juicee Früt, Drag Performances from CoCo Caliente & Mr. Rusty Nutz, Forbidden Früt Market, & more! (tickets)
Sat 7 PM Death On The Beach: A Metalcore Beach Party Launchpad, 618 Central Ave SW Join us for a night filled with beach-going shenanigans and some of the best metalcore bands Albuquerque has to offer. Swimwear, flip flops, sunscreen and lais ENCOURAGED! Come out and rage with us, and let's make this a night to remember! Presale tickets are $10 and are available through any band. Just send them a message! Online tickets through Holdmyticket will be available soon. Inhuman Hands, EYE, Secure The Void, One Last Summer
Sat 9 PM Temple of Sound Presents Starry Night Juno, 1501 1st St. NW This event will feature our guest DJ Chris Losack! He's a longtime DJ who primarily spins house and techno but also has roots in industrial and dark music. He will be showing his dark side this time out! Join us for another spectacular event! Sparkly or night sky attire encouraged but not required! 21+ / No cover
Sat 9 PM Pride 2023 Effex, 420 Central Ave SW Spunjy Hicks Lounge: Malik Patio: DJ Chris de Jesus Side Effex: Xblyssid
Sat 10:30 PM Late Nite Comedy Jam The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE Ristra Comedy and Chuck Parker Comedy present a stellar lineup of standup comedians! This month's headliner: Josh Fournier Featuring Chuck Parker & Sara Anne Myers and your host Alex Benton
** Sun 6/11 *\*
Sun 8 AM - 2 PM Hot Rods for Hunger Car Show and Poker Run 2801 Eubank Blvd NE Yes, our amazing car show fundraiser is happening again, thanks to Bell’s Brewery and the Mopar Most Wanted car club. This year, for early registration, we are having a Kickstart happy hour with Bells Brewery at O’Niell’s Heights location on Juan Tabo. Join us and register your car. All makes and models are welcome. Come out and see some of the coolest cars in Albuquerque. There will be raffles, food trucks, lots of awards for the cars, and a food drive for the Storehouse food pantry. Enter the Poker Run, the Car Show, or both today!
Sun 10 AM Rocketman Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE THE HISTORIC LOBO THEATER along with Albuquerque Film & Music Experience is excited to bring Rocketman to the big screen! Showing Starts at 11:30 am Tickets are ONLY $10 for General Admission Come Early Brunch Starts at 10 am Full Buffet Available for only $21 The ticket price is for entry to the movie only. Pajama brunch and a movie. Exclusive Brunch Menu! Made to order pancakes, mimosas and more. 10% off if you come in your pajamas
Sun 10 AM - 2 PM STEAM DAY Rail Yards Market, 777 1st St. SW Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math (STEAM) all put New Mexico on the Map as a unique place. Standing for over one hundred years, the historic Rail Yards of Albuquerque stand as an ode to a period of extreme innovation for the Rio Grande basin area. Albuquerque literally rose and became what it is around the Rail Yards, and railroad era that brought so much innovation. In these industrial cathedrals, we hum with innovation again.. Activating the space for community use, the Rail Yards Market is non-profit (certified 501c3), bringing together small businesses in agriculture, food, and artisan manufacturing on a local scale. Our STEAM stands for Sustainable, Traditional, Educational and Artistic Modalities. In this area we host interactive demonstrations. Mini-Makers Unite! Learn about what makes a laser light up, a 3D printer build, and so much more! Bring out your tech, geek, and inquisitive minds to the Rail Yards Market and visit makers from Quelab. Free for all! Everyone is welcome! EBT doubled with Double-Up-Food-Bucks, ADA Accessible, Senior and WIC programs welcome, Fresh & local produce, Breakfast & lunch prepared food options, 120+ local food, healing, and art businesses, Parking & restrooms, FREE :: LOCAL :: FAMILY FRIENDLY :: PET FRIENDLY
Sun 10:30 - 11:30 AM Mindful Movement - Yoga in the Park Academy Hills Park, 9709 Layton Ave NE Meet us on the southwest side of the park, just southwest of the playground, under the large trees. Looks for the Aumies sign! Bring your mat, block, strap and water!
Sun 2 - 4 PM Lumberyard Jazz Trio Sawmill Market, 1909 Bellamah Ave NW The Lumberyard Jazz Trio is back to bring exciting jazz melodies to Sawmill Market. They use an interchanging group of New Mexican instrumentalists who have traveled nationwide to perform, lead by saxophonist Sean Johnson
Sun 3 PM Pride Tea Dance on the Patio Effex, 420 Central Ave SW 3 - 6 PM: DJ Mike Demarco 6 - 9 PM: DJ Spunjy Hicks Featuring performances by Avery Martini, Jessica K. Daniels, Imani Martini
Sun 4 - 7 PM Music on the Patio: Squash Blossom Boys Canteen Brewhouse, 2381 Aztec Rd NE Based in Albuquerque, The Squash Blossom Boys have played southwestern stages for over ten years. With beginnings as a garage band, they have explored a variety of musical genres including rock, jazz, reggae and more to find the hard driving, high lonesome sound of Bluegrass music. The current central players include Dustin Orbesen (Dobro, Mandolin, Vocals), Kit Murray (Banjo, Vocals), Kyle Malone (Guitar), Peter Lisignoli (Bass)
Sun 5 - 8 PM Mack 'n Cheese Sunday Variety Show Juno, 1501 1st St. NW Variety show with Mack 'n Cheese (Indy Hip Hop), Cali Shaw (Americana), Basilaris Trio (Jazz), Sol de la Noche, Melissa Prada (spoken word) Monthly variety show with Mack 'n Cheese (Indy Hip Hop), Cali Shaw (Americana), Basilaris Trio (Jazz), Sol de la Noche, Melissa Prada (spoken word), vendors. Family-friendly (if your kids already know the F-word). Food available for purchase. On the patio, weather permitting, or in the Gallery
Sun 7 - 10 PM S.O.S - Salsa On Sunday Dance Social 505 Spirits, 105 Harvard Dr. SE Salsa On Sunday Dance Social *With guest DJ's *Latin Dance Performances *The Occasional LIVE Music Performance *And Always... Social Dancing! salsa timba bachata merengue *What is it about a Social* The essence of a Social is for the dance community to get together and dance. Socials offer a relaxed night of dancing. Socials continue to draw dance enthusiasts who get lost in their salsa “addiction” by dancing and enjoying the music. Socials offer something for every level of dancer at any age. Bands and DJs have more freedom to play sets which appeal to the dance-centric crowd. It's about the music. It's about the dance. If you want to have an alternative to the club, are underage, or simply want to get in some good dancing - check out a Social, you might be surprised at how much fun you have
Sun 7:30 PM Brit Floyd Revel ABQ, 4720 Alexander Blvd. NE Brit Floyd returns to the stage in 2023 to perform a brand-new production celebrating 50 years of the ground-breaking and iconic musical masterpiece The Dark Side of the Moon. The show will feature classic tracks from the album such as Time, Money, Us and Them and The Great Gig in the Sky. The 2 and a half hours plus set list will also include other highlights from Pink Floyd’s magnificent catalogue of albums, including tracks from The Wall, Wish You Were Here, Animals, The Division Bell, Medal and much more (tickets)

Sorry, its kind of long and most details are probably irrelevant. I'm 23F.
I posted here the other day, and it was so comforting to get multiple responses from people who understand and want to help, so here I am again. As said in my last post, I don't know that I'm on the spectrum as I'm undiagnosed. No ones ever expressed they thought I was, and I only started to connect some dots after seeing stuff on tiktok a while ago. The only thing that ever gave me pause growing up was my picky eating. I have lots of issues with texture, taste, and smell. Vegetables mostly. I can't eat pretty much any vegetable. I only like raw baby carrots, and I can tolerate celery and onions when they are chopped fine enough and cooked soft enough that I can't feel them. It's disconcerting to bite i to something soft like taco meat or hashbrown casserole and have that unexpected (crunch?) of an onion.
Anyways, the current problem is that my boyfriend of 5 years does not have these picky eating issues and gets frustrated with me that we can't eat anything besides chicken fingers and fries and noodles (a simplified/shortened list, but not by much.) I've been trying my hardest because its not like I LIKE not being able to eat normal stuff; it's embarrassing to be at lunch with coworkers or dinner with boyfriend's parents when I can only order off the kids menu.
Several weeks ago, we started getting HelloFresh. It's teaching us to cook, portion, and giving us already set and easy to cook meals 4 times a week. I hate it. There are some meals I like, and my boyfriend has always said we don't have to put everything in the meal if I don't like certain ingredients. But most dishes I feel like have to be cooked a certain way, or its just bland. I also feel like I agreed to HelloFresh so I could help myself expand my diet, and getting rid of the stuff I don't want is just cheating. All meals have multiple vegetables, almost always green onions. Even pasta dishes which are normally safe for me are always supposed to be covered in tomato or mushroom sauce, which I don't like the taste of.
I don't even really know what I'm asking here. I guess, is food aversion (especially texture) curable? Like will I ever be able to eat vegetables and not cry and have to hold my hand over my mouth so I can't spit it out? Or is this just something about myself I need to give into? Does anyone have any tips or suggestions?

BACKGROUND
Long story short I spent 8 years on the West Coast holding increasingly important positions in the energy industry, but I hated it with every fiber of my being. I started taking nursing prerequisite courses in January of 2020. Family trauma happened. I moved home to Texas to be closer to my family, quit my job (was making ~$130k with bonus), and took the plunge and went to back to school for nursing at 31. I am half way done with an accelerated BSN program and I have a 4.0 GPA. I love it so much despite it being very difficult. I have externship currently and I have an ICU internship lined up for my final semester, which is basically a guaranteed new grad job.
I currently live with my mom and brother. We are remodeling our house so we are in an apartment for a bit. Very tight quarters but thankful to be with them. Boyfriend just successfully made a big career move and is now a superintendent for an important and well respected organization in town making $60k annually with a 8% bonus. Very proud of him and very excited for our future - we are talking about getting engaged in the next year. He is getting an apartment in the next couple months after living at home with his family due to some major family health issues he has been helping out with so you will see some of the apartment search start to happen in this diary!
Currently boyfriend and I split going out expenses pretty much down the line, but with this new job we had a discussion last week about how he will pay for the majority of our going out costs moving forward once he gets his first paycheck this month until I start working full time again in January!
Previous money diary from August 2022 here.
ASSETS (comparing last money diary to now):
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	August 2022	June 2023	Difference
401k	$156,400	$158,600	$2,200
Roth IRA	$68,000	$68,500	(500)
Saving's account	$41,001.43	$26,572.63	($14,428.81)
Checking Account	$3,024.58	$915.41	($2,109)
HSA	$8,800	$7,100	($1,700)
Brokerage	$440	$444	$4
UGMA	$85,000	$84,000	($1,000)
Pension	forgot to include	$27,000	N/A

NET WORTH: $373k
**I don’t carry any credit card debt / no student loan debt / no equity in any kind of home. I was lucky enough to be in a position where I saved up over $40k cash to pay for living expenses when in school. My UGMA account will be used as part of a down payment for a house in the next couple years. My current BSN degree is being covered through family. Also, trying to figure out what to do with my pension - depending how finances go the next 8 months I am in school / if I have any emergencies (I have 2 senior pets) I could cash part of it out or completely roll it over into an IRA.
INCOME
Income Progression: I worked in the energy industry for 8 years; my starting salary was $35,000.
I worked in the Seattle area starting out at $35k in 2014. Moved to a new job in 2016 for $65k and then another new job in 2018 for $85k +12% bonus. Got up to $104k + 20% bonus before I quit. Also worked as a CNA on the weekends for about 6 months for $15 an hour during COVID to make sure I really wanted to go to nursing school.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: It varies but the average so far this year it is $535. I have an incredibly flexible externship at a hospital very close to where I live where my director literally just lets me show up whenever I want to work. I make $17 an hour. I met a couple incredible mentors but I think I am going to quit soon since it just won’t be feasible to work this semester and I already have my ICU internship lined up for September. Trying to be easier on myself and put myself first and I feel very lucky that I don’t need to work. Don’t get me wrong the extra money is SO NICE but I want to concentrate on school, myself, family, partner, and friends. Work on top of an accelerated nursing program is too much. I am actually the only one working in my cohort currently.
Any Other Monthly Income Here: I live with my mom right now and she pays for most of the groceries, utilities, etc. I feel incredibly privileged and lucky that I can live with her and that she is able to support me in this way while I transition careers. I do lots for her to support her such as chores, errands, paying for big Costco runs, etc. My boyfriend also helps out with pet expenses and other things I want / need.
MONTHLY EXPENSES

• Rent: $400 to my mom for a very discounted rate at our current apartment. I don’t pay rent when we are at the house. I will not be paying rent when I semi-move in with my boyfriend in the next couple months. Our goal is to get our own luxury apartment next year close to both of our places of employment after a year lease at a cheaper place. Between now and then I’ll split my time with him and my mom.
• Cellphone: $15 (on family plan & I just pay for additional data)
• Spotify: $5.40 (student plan)
• iCloud: $2.99
• Prime: $8.11
• Gym membership: $20
• Regular therapy: $5 a session and I go biweekly
• Health insurance: $122.54 monthly
• Costco: $60 annually

I allocate the following to my biggest expense categories monthly:

• Gas: $120
• Groceries: $300
• Eating out: $400
• Pet expenses: $200
• Other discretionary spending: $400

WEDNESDAY - DAY 1
8:45: I slept 10 hours last night and it was glorious. I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital yesterday and our patient acuity was very high.
9:30: Make a coffee and walk and feed my pup. I walk over to the pool for a morning swim. I love a quiet morning swim so much.
11:30: I had a nice 500 yd swim, drank a Premier Protein shake & ate overnight oats with blueberries for breakfast, had a relaxing shower, and started some laundry. Feeling anxious about everything I have on my plate currently. Also I feel hungover from work yesterday. I was going to work another 12 hour shift tomorrow but now I don’t know if I can handle it with school also starting on Friday and a very busy social weekend coming up. Luckily, my director literally lets me show up whenever I want so I may do 7 or 8 hours tomorrow instead of a full 12. Try to table my feelings to discuss in therapy this afternoon.
11:40: Sit down to finish some online orientation for my internship that is coming up my final semester.
13:03: Orientation stuff only took about 20 minutes thank god. I ran to the grocery store and grab a 4 pack of watermelon Celsius, frozen veggies, Eggo waffles, tea bags, string cheese, coffee filters, Wheat Thins, and lean ground beef ($37.01). Head up to the rooftop lounge at the apartment complex to FaceTime a friend that lives across the country since there is zero privacy in the apartment.
14:15: Get off FaceTime, work on some more laundry, and head out to therapy.
16:15: Good, productive, fun, and validating therapy session and I make it over to my friend’s condo to check on her kitties. I had set up a reoccurring biweekly therapy appointment now that I know my school schedule for the upcoming semester too. We talked about money fixation and anxiety and trying to let that go. We agree that I should sleep in a bit tomorrow, walk my dog, go for a swim, and then go to work. I don’t ~need~ the money so working 12 hours vs 7 or 8 is not an issue. My mental health is more important. Also the work hangover from yesterday is real.
17:00: Boyfriend comes over after work and jumps in the shower while I’m a couch potato (Disclaimer: he’s friends with my friend too and she’s 100% comfortable with him hanging out too.) We relax and hang with the kitties and catch up on our days.
18:45: We head to dinner. We grab burritos at one of our favorite local spots and I pay ($25.88). We look at houses for fun on Zillow and discuss what apartments we want to tour in the next couple weeks.
20:00: I make it home and have a long talk with my mom about her friend who ended up in the hospital today with a compound fracture. Long story short I’ll need to stay up until midnight to hand off the house keys, garage door opener, etc. to a friend who is driving into town that can take care of her dog. Her dog is a pit bull that is vicious to strangers so no one else can go over to the house other than this friend who pet sits and knows the dog.
23:30: The friend makes it and we hand him the keys and everything he needs. I had spent the evening tidying up and meal prepping and looking at more apartments. It’s amazing to me how much time goes into keeping a clean and tidy home.
12:08: I spent a half hour setting up my June budget and then pass out.
TOTAL: $62.89
THURSDAY - DAY 2
9:05: I finally wake up to a bunch of texts from multiple different friends / friend groups. Ugh. I’m just feeling really anxious about school starting tomorrow, my mom being very distraught over her colleague / friend, working today, and a busy weekend coming up. I make some coffee and walk my pup.
9:33: I call my mom while feeding my pup breakfast and tell her how I’m feeling and we both agreed I ran around too much last semester and I told her I am setting firm boundaries with myself to basically not do anything social during the school week once clinical start (Monday - Thursday) unless it’s like a super casual dinner and I truly have the capacity for it. I burned myself out at the end of last semester and spent weeks putting the pieces back together.
9:55: I make another cup of coffee and take myself for a morning swim. It brings me so much joy and grounds me. I swim 500 yards and then jump into the shower, throw my scrubs on, kiss my pup goodbye and head to the hospital. I drink a chocolate Primer Protein shake and call my friend L on the way to hear how her trip has been going so far. It was nice to catch up even though we saw each other over the weekend lol.
10:54: Ate my overnight oats made with half and half and some blueberries, clocked in, and headed out to the floor. Immediately get asked to be a sitter which literally never happens. Thank you universe. Feeling a little less anxious now that I’m here and feeling thankful for the little bit of extra money I’m making and being here for my community.
14:04: Maybe not thank you universe - the patient slept for a while then got extremely combative and was trying to punch me. I switch off with a coworker and head to the break room to eat a bowl I made with frozen veggies + rotisserie chicken from Costco + cheddar cheese on top.
19:09: I finally clock out. I had a snack of 2 rice cakes and some almonds at one point. Rest of work was wild (i.e. a psychotic patient that pulled out his IV and was throwing things everywhere, someone screaming in pain for hours nonstop, etc.) and had me questioning what I am doing making this career change. I am tired.
19:49: I make it home after swinging by L’s to check on her kitties. Jump in the shower. My mom has dinner ready and I scarf down this gorgeous basil, mozzarella, peppers, tomatoes, avocados, and olive salad + a couple Trader Joe’s dolmas + a couple pieces of fresh bread. Delicious. I force myself to get my food and my school bag ready for tomorrow and lay my scrubs out before I crawl into bed a little after 9.
TOTAL: $0
FRIDAY - DAY 3
06:22: Alarm goes off and I roll out of bed and take my pup for a nice walk. Give him breakfast / shower / throw on my scrubs / pack my lunch / give the pup a big kiss goodbye and I am out the door a little after 7:00.
07:47: I get to school and I am NOT feeling it lol. I stopped at Costco for gas on my way ($20.67) and I also swung by a very Texas niche store that sells all kinds of beef jerky my brother really likes to grab some for his birthday coming up ($17.98).
10:00: Class is boring - it’s tough getting back into it with an 8 hour cardiac lecture. It’s good to see my friends but struggle is real. I run into my favorite professor and she makes my morning. I tell her all about my upcoming internship and my boyfriend’s new job and she was stoked and told me to “lock him down” hahaha. I also make 2 phone calls to apartment complexes we are interested in cause my boyfriend doesn’t get great reception at work during business hours. One place doesn’t have any current availability but the lady was so nice and will be sending me a virtual tour later today. Schedule another tour on Monday afternoon.
11:30: We break for lunch and I eat the same thing as yesterday - rotisserie chicken + frozen veggies + cheddar cheese.
12:30: Spend the afternoon in class completely unable to concentrate. The professor is throwing ECG rhythms around left and right. 8 hours of ECG lecture is NOT a productive way to learn the material. I work on a couple study guides during class cause I cannot.
3:30: We get out a little early and I rush to meet my mom for a walk through of the house. I follow her back to her office because I sent a big Chewy order there. Pick up the box along with a Diet Coke, order us Cava for dinner, pick up Cava, check on my friends cats on my way home real quick, and then have a shower and relax. Mom pays for Cava and I thank her multiple times.
7:00: We eat dinner all together when everyone is eventually home (harissa avocado bowl for me!) and then my boyfriend calls right when I head out to walk my dog. Perfect. I miss him and have been having anxiety around our new schedules. We have a good 30 minute chat about our days before I spend the evening basically doing nothing. I chat with my family and mess around on my phone. Text boyfriend about different apartments.
22:44: Bed time after I brush and floss my teeth. I’m zonked from the week.
TOTAL: $38.65
SATURDAY - DAY 4
08:30: I’m awake! Did not sleep well at all cause thunderstorms. My pup is deathly afraid and will not stop shaking for hours so I end up sleeping on the couch on and off. We were up and down all night but somehow I feel okay. We go for a quick walk, feed him, and start a load of whites in the washer.
09:08: I have a shower, and then I head out to get my family coffee from one of our favorite spots.
10:45: Make it back home with 2 cold brews for my brother and I and a latte for mom. I also picked up 5 breakfast tacos and a German chocolate cake for Sunday dinner tomorrow ($56.24). I eat a bean and cheese taco and a potato and egg taco, start some laundry, and put air in my tires with my home compressor since my low air light has been on in my car for an embarrassing amount of time. Brother needs air in his tires too so turns into a production lol.
12:18: Spent a couple hours putzing around dealing with the tires and more laundry and packing a bag for tonight. We are headed to the lake for a friend’s bday party and I have no clue what I want to wear so I pack a lot of options and clothes for church tomorrow morning too. Now it’s time to drive around for a little bit and check out some potential apartments and do a small Target run.
14:02: I make it home from apartment cruising and my Target run. I bought a 3 subject notebook, tire pressure gauge with valve caps included, two bags of frozen veggies, mini coke zeros, and a bag of Lesser Evil popcorn ($21.50). I was so tempted to stop for lunch on my way home but lines were long everywhere so I made myself some cheesy eggs + 2 Eggo waffles when I got home. Put the valve cap on my tire that is missing one.
14:36: Make it to L’s condo and clean up after the cats and start the Roomba. Boyfriend texts that he is out of work and on his way over! He’s been up since 4 am this morning for work and I am feeling some type of way with everything on my plate / anxiety so we will see how long we make it tonight lol.
15:30: S is showered and we are out the door!
16:30: We make it to the rental, change into our bathing suits, and walk down to the river.
19:00: We hang out in the river for a good 2.5 hours. It was a good time - nice to chat with my school friends and their partners. Boyfriend and I head out before the real partying starts lol.
20:00: We eat dinner at this cute Tex Mex place. Boyfriend has some kind of alcoholic mixed drink and we share a fajita for 2 plate. Boyfriend pays - it was $70.56 with tip. I drive us back because he does not like to drive even after one drink which I am 100% here for. We are so tired lol.
21:15: Make it back to L’s condo and we take a hot shower and get into bed in the guest bedroom. It takes forever for us to both fall asleep.
TOTAL: $77.74
SUNDAY - DAY 5
6:50: Oh boy neither of us slept well. There was another thunderstorm. One of the cats was yowling nonstop outside our door. The ceiling fan was clanking on and off. The bed was way too soft. Up and down again all night for a second night in a row for me lol.
8:11: I’m showered and we are both dressed and we head out to one of our favorite taquerias for breakfast. I get 2 bean and cheese tacos and one machacado + egg taco. Boyfriend also gets 3 tacos and we both get coffee. We sit and chat for a while until it was time to go to church. I pay on the way out ($22.98 with tip).
11:40: After an hour of church and an hour meeting for a committee I’m on - I’m wiped out. Still have a house walk through to do with my family and boyfriend so I head over there and we are there for about an hour.
13:10: Finally made it home, walked my pup, and made myself a late lunch of Dave’s Killer bread toast + peanut butter + banana.
13:54: A girlfriend calls and asks if I want to get a pedicure this afternoon. We decide to get dinner together on Thursday instead. I’m actually very touched she called me because we are friends through another friend and normally don’t get together just the two of us. I’m really happy she reached out. I also invite one of my friends from school - I have been wanting them to meet for a while.
14:30: Nap timeeeee! I knock out for an hour then realize how thirsty I am and how badly I need to get out of the apartment. I get up, take the pup for a spin with my brother, and head to Sonic to get a large diet cherry limeade and then head to L’s condo to check on the kitties and chill ($3.34).
18:00: I spent a couple hours chilling on the internet - working on my google calendar, school organization, church emails, reviewing some apartments we may drive by tomorrow, and I download the remaining episodes of season 1 of Nurse Jackie to watch tonight. I had bought the complete first season over a month ago and still haven’t watched it all lol. That’s how little I watch tv.
20:00: We had bibimbap for dinner and German chocolate cake for dessert. Delicious. I clean up the dishes and do more laundry because that’s my life between school, work, working out, having 2 hairy pets, etc. Unpack my bags from the river day and sleepover last night too. Chat with my family.
22:00: Crawl into bed and watch some Nurse Jackie before passing out.
TOTAL: $26.32
MONDAY - DAY 6
7:33: I slept better but still tossed and turned. Still just anxious with everything going on, especially the start of another intense semester.
8:47: Pup is fed and walked. I open the windows because it is 68 degrees which is unheard of in June in south Texas.
10:06: I ended up doing a deep clean of my room hahah. Wiped down and vacuumed every surface. So much hair. My pup is shedding so bad. I change my bedding and toss my comforter in the wash. Thank goodness I have 2 sets of sheets now. I had only 1 for the longest time lol. I take a break and eat some Greek yogurt + pecans + banana + drizzle of honey.
11:03: I vacuumed the common areas in the apartment, took a long shower, and I’m dressed and ready for my boyfriend to pick me up. I felt like being cute today so I put on this new leather skirt from Alice + Olivia my boyfriend got me as a present that I haven’t worn yet + a white crop top + my cheetah old skool Vans. I’m so tired though lololol. This is one of the only Mondays we both have off for the foreseeable future so I am gonna rally and make the most of it!
11:15: Boyfriend is so tired too bahah. We go grab coffees at this cute little coffee shop I’ve been wanting to check out. I get a cortado. Boyfriend gets an iced caramel almond milk latte and I treat ($11.82 with tip). We sit and chill and map out what apartments we want to check out today.
12:30: Walk across the street to grab Tex Mex for lunch at a pretty famous place in town. I get the enchilada plate and boyfriend gets a chicken quesadilla plate. He pays and it is $27.89 with tip.
1:30: Go for our first apartment tour of the day and it is depressing. We drive around and check out the other apartments we are I interested in and then go on one more tour at a place that we are really impressed by. It’s $1.3k or so for a 500 sq ft one bedroom and that’s a stretch. Ideally he wants the base rent to be $1,000 or less which is quite doable. Yet again - south Texas prices for the win. He is looking at older buildings, but they are well kept up and in good neighborhoods. They are not in the hottest places to be in town, but definitely still nice.
16:00: We go back to L’s condo and chill and take care of the kitties. Discuss the apartments and ask my brother if he wants to get dinner with us and he agrees.
18:00: We head back to my apartment, pick up my brother, and head to dinner. We order a large caesar salad, an arugula and sausage pizza, and a mushroom and pepperoni pizza. This spot does $10 two topping pizzas on Monday and it slaps. I treat my boyfriend and brother to dinner ($48.01 with tip).
20:00: Home and boyfriend walks my pup with me. Brother makes us both tea and we have a nice cup of tea and chat until boyfriend heads home. I put together my breakfast and lunch tomorrow and then lay down to chill and have some quiet time.
22:30: Bed time! First day of critical care didactic is tomorrow and I am feeling mostly excited.
TOTAL: $59.82
TUESDAY - DAY 7
6:22: My alarm goes off and wakes me from a deep sleep. I finally slept a good 8 hours though!
7:10: I am showered and throw on some black Lululemon Align leggings and a swiftly tech tee. I was gonna wear real pants but screw that haha. I am really dragging this morning.
7:50: Make it to school and lecture starts at 8. Honestly - that lecture could have been given in 45 minutes but we spent the first 2 hours simply going over the schedule and clarifying assignments since everything is such a disorganized hot mess at the beginning of the semester.
10:05: We take a break and call a fellow church congregation member to see if we want to meet today to tour an organization that supports people immigrating. We are debating if we want to allocate church donation funds to them. We agree to meet at the location at 1:30.
12:41: We are done with class and I stayed a bit after to start making my study guide for our first test even though it isn’t for 5 weeks. I realize the time and quickly pack up and go heat up my lunch. Chat with an MSN student who I had met in orientation for my internship a couple weeks ago and he expressed his frustration about how the start of this semester is rough for him too.
2:38: We finish our tour and we are very impressed at the clean and organized operation. We agree to each write our own follow up email to the rest of the group before the end of the day supplying the church donating.
3:30: I make some jasmine tea and have some quiet time when I get home before starting on some dosage calculation problems that are due on Friday.
5:45: I end up spending almost 2.5 hours on homework - dosage calculations, an article summary, and start on a medication sheet. Ouch. I lay down for 20 minutes, take my pup out, and then head out to meet my friend for dinner at Cava.
6:30: I get the lemon chicken bowl and pita chips ($13.69) and we sit and chat for a 1.5 hours. We just saw each other a couple weeks ago, but so much to catch up on.
20:00: We agree to go on a double date in the next couple weeks and I head home. I walk my pup with my mom and brother, pack my gym bag and my food for tomorrow, write my follow up emails from today’s visit to the church committee, and relax in bed.
TOTAL: $13.69
TALLY OF DAILY EXPENSES:

• Food + Drink: $240.36
• Fun / Entertainment: $0
• Home + Health: $0
• Clothes + Beauty: $0
• Transport: $30.67
• Other: $17.98

TOTAL EXPENSES: $279.11
REFLECTION
I spent quite a bit on going out to eat this week with my boyfriend, family, and friends. It was the end of my school break and boyfriend is transitioning to a new job so we were a bit out of whack with spending on food. Usually we eat at home with our families more, but it was nice to go out and enjoy ourselves too. It was a super busy week for me too - which is the norm lately. I have a great community and social life here compared to the West Coast and I do not take that for granted. Trying to make myself more of a priority so I don’t burn out again, which is difficult for me.

The way I see it, if you don’t notice that I exist, then I’m doing my job correctly.
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My name is Ben McFarlane and I work as a municipal sewer inspector in the town of Tevam Sound, Ontario. It's not the most glamorous job, but hey, somebody's got to do it and it puts food on the table.
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You'd probably think that working as a sewer inspector isn't that exciting… and yeah, for the most part you'd be right. Most of the time, all I'm doing is checking the pipes for damage. Unless there’s a reason for me to investigate a certain area, most of what I do is routine inspection, which helps ensure that the sewers remain in good working order. Trust me, nobody wants to see what happens when they aren’t.
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Thankfully, a lot of what I do can be done without me needing to crawl through pipes. I can use a small camera to help me do the inspection. But with some of the larger pipes and cisterns, I need to actually go inside and take a look.
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It’s never the best part of my day, but like I said before: somebody’s got to do it.
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Going down into the bigger tunnels is always a little unnerving. Part of it is the claustrophobic atmosphere and part of it is the knowledge that you’re basically standing in a river of literal human waste. I can deal with it now, but back when I first started the smell alone was darn near impossible to deal with.
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Ask most sanitation workers and I'm sure they'll have stories about what they've found in the sewers before. Heck, most of it isn't even stuff that people flush down the toilet. It's the stuff that people drop down manhole covers, or the stuff that gets washed into the sewers by the rain. Dead animals are surprisingly common, as are kids toys. I found an entire bicycle in the sewer once and I've got a buddy who found a loaded gun down there! Someone probably thought they'd get rid of it by just tossing it in the sewer.
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Someone was wrong.
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But of all the strange things I've experienced during my time working in the sewers… none of it compares to the stuff I see in the pipes on the southeast side of town.
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The things down there… I don't usually like to talk about them. Heck, I might not even be legally allowed to talk about them. I guess we'll find out, won't we? I've had a few drinks tonight and I'm feeling particularly chatty. So why not spill the beans? Hey, maybe someone out there will tell me something I don’t already know.
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I’d been on the job for about a year or so before getting sent to the southeast side of town. It’s closer to the lake and the downtown area, so there’s some deeper pipes there. I’d always figured that that was the reason they only really ever sent certain people down there. I’d heard that those tunnels were old and a little labyrinthian. Anyone who didn’t know what they were doing could easily get lost.
​
But after we got hit with a particularly nasty rain storm back in summer of 2013, they needed to send someone down to check on some sensors and I just so happened to be one of the guys who was available.
​
A bad rain storm can push a sewer system to its limit, so it wasn’t really that surprising that we’d gotten that kind of call and at the time, I didn’t think that there was anything that strange about it. My supervisor told me to head on down toward the pumphouse on the southwest side of town like it was any other priority inspection, and I went along with no questions asked. It was a few streets away from downtown. I’d seen it before but never had a reason to go inside up until then.
​
I was working with a couple of other newbies at the time, a guy by the name of Stewart Long who’d only been on the job for a round three months or so, and another guy by the name of Tomas Opunui who’d started around the same time that I had.
​
We’d arrived at the pumphouse, and when we got there we noticed another team waiting on us. This wasn’t too shocking either. Depending on the size of the job, they might’ve sent some other guys in to help us handle it.
​
The guy in charge was an older man who looked to be pushing sixty. He had sort of a ‘Santa Claus on summer vacation’ look, with white hair, a short white beard, a big beer belly and a no nonsense expression.
​
He watched us get out of his truck with a look of stern disapproval, before huffing and trudging over to us.
“Where’s the usual fellas?” He asked.
“I dunno, out. They called us,” I replied.
​
He didn’t seem to like that answer but didn’t say anything in response to it.
“You ever worked on the southeast approach channel before?” He asked.
“Yeah, we’ve been in the ones on the north side of town,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked, kid. You ever worked in this one before?”
​
Something about the way he asked this question struck me as a little odd. I’d worked in an approach channel before. I knew the drill. What did it matter which one I’d worked in?
​
For the unenlightened, an approach channel is a cistern filled with wastewater. They feed into a deep tunnel which feeds into a water treatment plant and they’re considered to be fairly dangerous, due to their depth (if you fall off the ladder on your way down, you’re in for a long drop into a biohazardous lake unless you’re properly tethered) and the harmful gasses that can accumulate in them. Standard operating procedure is to always test the air before entering one just to make sure that it’s even safe to breathe down there.
​
Being reckless while going into an approach channel is a recipe for disaster, and I would have understood if the old man was concerned about us not having dealt with one before. But the way he spoke to us implied that this one was different somehow, which didn’t make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me.
“What’s the difference?” I asked. “Same procedure, right?”
“No, not the same procedure. We need people experienced with this approach channel. These tunnels are a little different than what you’re used to.
“Look, the boss sent us here. So I’m sure we’ll manage,” Tomas said. “You can show us what we need to know.”
​
The Old Man didn’t respond to him. He just shook his head and turned away.
“I’m gonna call this in and clear it with the boss first. You three, don’t move until I get back.”
I traded a look with both Tomas and Long as the Old Man trudged away. He said something to the two guys who were with him, before getting back into his truck to make a call.
​
Part of me was obliged to try and just get to work. But looking at the other two guys that the Old Man had with him, I had a feeling that they’d try to stop me. One of them, another older guy with a receding hairline and a bushy moustache was watching us like a hawk.
​
So we waited.
​
After a few minutes, the Old Man got out of his truck again, said something to his buddy with the mustache and trudged back over to us.
“Bad news, fellas. Looks like our usual company’s retired… guess you’re the replacement.”
“So we can get to work?” I asked.
“Yeah. We can get to work,” The Old Man said. “Come on, let’s get going.”
​
With that, he turned and led us into the pumphouse.
“Suppose I might as well introduce myself. Names Troy. My colleagues here are Craig and Peter.”
He gestured to the two men who were with him, Mr. Moustache (who I assumed was Craig) and the other guy, who looked to be in his mid thirties and had sunken eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in a few days. The one who I assumed was Craig just gave us a nod, while the guy I figured was Peter gave a lazy half wave before they followed us into the pumphouse.
“So if you don’t mind my asking, what’s so special about this channel?” I asked.
“I guess you’ll be seeing for yourself soon enough,” Troy replied as he started down a set of stairs. “The guys you’re replacing… well, guy… a fella named Tom… he always had a set of rules for working down here. He passed ‘em on to me and Craig when we started. We’ve passed ‘em on to Peter. Guess it’s time we passed ‘em on to you too.”
​
“Rules?” I asked, “What kind of rules?”
“The kind you listen very, very closely to, kid.”Troy looked back at me, before his eyes shifted to Tomas and Long behind me.
“Very, very closely.”
He descended the rest of the way down the stairs, where there was a hatch in the concrete floor beneath us, along with a large locker on the far side of the room.
​
“Rule number one,” Troy began. “You don’t enter this part of the sewers alone. You stay in a group of at least three to four at all times. No more, no less. Too many and it slows you down. Too few, and you might not come back at all.”
He trailed off, watching as Craig cracked open the hatch to test the air inside.
​
“Rule number two: You do not enter this part of the sewers without a gun and a radio.”
He opened the locker on the far side of the room and I was taken aback to see a collection of several handguns inside, along with boxes of ammunition and one shotgun in amongst the usual PPE.
Troy clipped one of the guns to his belt, along with one of the radios, before handing a pair off to Peter and looking over at us.
​
“Who’s taking it?” He asked.
“Whoa, just hold up for a minute!” Long interjected, “What the hell is down there?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Troy replied. “Hate to say it but it ain’t our job to know. I leave that to someone else. Our job is to follow the rules. You follow them, and you’ll be fine.”
Long seemed skeptical, but I looked at the gun in Troy’s hand and took it. I wasn’t sure if he was having a laugh with us or not, but I was there to do a job and I intended to do it.
​
Troy gave me a quiet nod, before thrusting the second gun over to Long. He didn’t seem to happy to get it.
“Are we gonna have to use these?” He asked.
“Not if you do as I say, you won’t. Rule 3: If you see a pipe or a tunnel with heavy spiderwebs, don’t go down it. Doesn’t matter if that’s where the sensor is. You make a note of it, report it to your supervisor and leave it alone.”
​
Spiderwebs? What the hell was he talking about?
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisors time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
“I’m sorry, you’ve been finding human bodies down there?” I asked.
“Rarely,” He replied. “But it’s been known to happen. And if we do find one… the same rules apply. Don’t approach it. Don’t touch it. Stay as far away as possible.”
​
I could see some of the color draining from Long’s face.
“Rule 5: If you see anyone else down there, you are not to interact with them. You do not follow them if they try to lead you somewhere, if they ask you for help, you do not help them. I don’t care if they’re crying and begging. You leave them alone. You report it to your supervisor.”
“There are people down there?” I asked.
“Normally, no. Far as I know, Tom only ever ran into a couple during his career. I’ve only ever seen one. Like I said, best to leave them alone.”
​
“Why?” I asked, “If there’s someone stuck down there, we have an obligation to help them!”
“That would be very ill advised,” Troy said. “You don’t want to anger the things that are down there… which leads me to rule 6: Avoid killing anything you come across down there. They’re not yours to kill. And if you have absolutely no choice, if you have to break that rule for the sake of self defense, then we leave immediately. That’s rule number 7.”
​
“Air’s safe down there,” Craig said, interrupting our conversation.
“Good. Let’s get suited up, then. Oh… and rule 8. Final rule. If anything happens to any member of our team, we leave immediately. We don’t go after them. We don’t try to help them. We leave immediately. Is that clear? I don’t care if it’s me, begging you for help. You leave me behind.”
​
Long and I remained silent, neither of us entirely sure how to react to this or even what to say. Troy had made it sound as if we were about to descend into a level of hell. I couldn’t imagine what the hell could possibly be down there to elicit a list of rules like that, and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to find out either!
“Well? You fellas getting ready or not?” Troy asked impatiently as he put on his PPE. “The quicker we get down there, the quicker we can get out again!”
​
“If this is so dangerous, why are they sending us?” Long asked, “Shouldn’t they be sending… I dunno, the cops or something?”
“They tolerate us being down there, so long as we don’t disturb them. They wouldn’t be so forgiving toward the local police,” Troy replied. “Listen, kid. Obey the rules and you’ll be fine, got that? We’ve been doing this for years without any problems. You keep your head on your shoulders, you do what we say and you go home safe. Alright?”
​
Long still didn’t seem convinced, but I did. By this point, I was morbidly curious about exactly what was down there… and Troy’s assurance that they’d come out unscathed before did set me at ease a little bit. These rules sounded kinda scary, but what could realistically go wrong? With Troy keeping us in line, everything would probably be fine and besides, I still wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t all some sort of elaborate prank the old man was pulling. I grabbed myself a set of PPE and got ready and after a moments hesitation, Long did the same.
​
When we were ready, Craig opened up the hatch in the floor, and Tomas helped get us tethered so that we wouldn’t plummet down into the waters below if we slipped on the ladder, then we finally began our descent.
​
Troy went first, climbing down the ladder and into the darkness below. I went second, followed by Peter and followed by Long.
​
We climbed down into the approach channel in relative silence, only really speaking again once we made it to the bottom of the ladder.
​
Troy helped me get untethered, before doing the same for Peter and Long as they reached the bottom, and while he did that I got my first look at the dreaded southeast approach channel. I can’t say that there was a heck of a lot to see. The walls were boxy and flat, and the dirty wastewater trickled over my boots and into the pipe sending it even deeper through the sewer system.
​
The sensors should have been mounted on the ceiling, and I traced the black conduit line with my flashlight as I searched for the sensor they connected to. Peter and Long stayed back as Tomas and Craig lowered our tools down after us, while Troy came up behind me.
“Should be quick work…” He noted, “Rain doesn’t seem to have done much in here. Water level is still fairly low.”
​
I saw his flashlight shift upward toward the ceiling before he spotted the sensor. He trudged through the water to get closer to it, and I followed him.
“No external damage,” I noted. “Conduit lines look good too.”
“Yeah, we’ll run our tests and get out of here,” Troy said. “Approach channel is usually pretty safe… usually.”
“Usually?” I asked, and Troy pointed his flashlight up toward a set of silky spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling a few feet behind the sensor.
​
“They don’t typically come up here… but every now and then you might find some proof of some young ones, trying to get into the pumphouse.”
I looked over at him.
“They try to break into the pumphouse?” I asked, “Did they ever get in?”
“Not that I’ve ever heard of. Can’t imagine they’d stay long if they did. Nothing to eat in there.”
“What exactly are they?” I asked, “And don’t you tell me that’s not for us to know. You’ve seen them, right? What do they look like?”
​
Troy had started to answer, when suddenly I heard Long screaming and swearing up a storm. Both of us turned to look, just in time to see something large skittering up the wall beside him. I only caught a brief glimpse of it, but it seemed to be roughly the size of a dog with more legs than I could count. Long stared at it with wide, horrified eyes as he fumbled with his gun, before pulling it free.
​
I saw Troy’s eyes widen before Long fired five times. Only one or two of the bullets actually hit the target. I heard Peter cry out in pain and grab at his arm before falling and whatever it was that Long had actually been shooting at collapsed into the shallow water, its pale body twitching violently.
“What did you just do?!” Troy demanded, running over to Peter’s side.
“I-it was coming for me!” Long protested, before noticing what he’d done to Peter. I saw his eyes widen in horror.
“Oh no… no, no, no… I didn’t…”
“Rule 6! You don’t kill anything down here! You leave them alone and they leave you alone!” Troy roared, before his attention returned to Peter. “How bad is it?”
​
“J-just a scratch, boss… I think I got hit by the ricochet,” Peter said, as Troy inspected his wound. I’ve never seen a gunshot wound before, but there was a lot of blood for it to just be a scratch.
“We’ll get you topside,” Troy said. “And come back down tomorrow with someone who knows how to follow rules!”
​
He shot Long a death glare before his radio crackled to life.
“Troy, everything good down there?” Craig asked.
“No, no it isn’t. One of the newbies got jumpy, shot at a centipede.” He huffed, “Put a hole in Peter in the process. Think you can reel him back up?”
“Yeah, sure thing. Hook him up. Tomas and I will bring him topside.”
​
Troy quietly hooked Peter up to the line, before helping him onto the ladder.
“You take it easy on the way up, and we’ll get that checked out,” He promised.
“Thanks boss,” Peter said quietly.
Troy’s attention returned to Long next, as he fixed him in a death glare.
“You, up the ladder behind him. And you…” He looked at me, his expression softening just a little.
“Behind him. I’ll go up last.”
​
Peter started to meekly climb the ladder, although it seemed like Craig and Tomas were doing most of the work, hoisting him up rung by rung. Once he’d made it part of the way up, Long started to hook himself up to climb behind him. Although before he could hook himself in, I saw him pause for a moment, staring at Troy.
“What is it?” Troy asked, before pausing.
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Long craned his neck a little, his hand moving down to his gun again… and it was then that both Troy and I realized that he hadn’t been looking at Troy. He’d been looking at what was behind him.
​
I only saw a shadow, perched on the roof of the tunnel. But that was all that Long needed to see before he started shooting again.
“DON’T!”
But by the time Troy had gotten the word out, that trigger happy idiot had already started shooting again and this time, the thing that came for him didn’t drop dead.
​
Instead, it launched itself off of the ceiling of the tunnel, crashing into the ground a few feet away from me.
“WAIT!” Troy tried to protest before the thing in front of us knocked him aside, dashing him against the wall. Long scrambled away, retreating deeper into the tunnel while Peter frantically tried to unholster his gun.
“Troy? Troy, what’s going on down there?” I heard Craig calling over the radio, “Troy? Anyone, respond!”
​
The shape in front of us turned, looking over at me and Long. Eight eyes shone in the darkness and though I could only see the shadow of the creature before us, I saw enough. It had a body like a spider, with eight long chitinous legs. Only its body was much larger than any spider I’d ever seen before.
​
Much, much larger.
​
This creature was almost the size of a small car, but it wasn’t its size that terrified me. It was the humanoid torso coming out of the front of it. The two arms that ended in razor sharp claws, the snarling mouth that made noises that almost sounded human.
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When this impossible thing looked at us, I saw real intelligence in its eyes. It was studying us, trying to determine how much of a threat we were…
​
Long kept his gun trained on it, hands shaking violently. I knew that he was going to shoot again, and hoping not to anger this thing, grabbed his arm, trying to force his gun down. He jumped the moment that I touched him giving me a hysterical look.
“Don’t!” I snapped, “You’re just gonna piss it off!”
​
The Spider took a step toward us, hissing as it did. Long pulled away from me.
“Stu!”
I tried calling his name, but Long had already made his choice and sealed his fate. He’d opted to fight this thing. And so, like the fool he was he shot at it again.
​
The Spider lunged for us.
​
I ran. Long didn’t.
​
He only had enough time to scream before it pounced on him, and then… all I could hear were the dying screams in his throat as he was pulled apart. I didn’t see him die. But I didn’t need to. I heard everything. I kept running, not even thinking about where the approach channel was going to end. And when it did end, all I could do was plummet into the darkness.
​
See, at the end of an approach channel is what is appropriately called a drop shaft. It’s where the water flows into a larger tunnel beneath the city. That tunnel, flows into the water treatment plant, eventually and the water down there… yeah… let’s just say that you don’t want to end up in the water down there.
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Unfortunately, that was exactly where I was going.
​
I know that every job has its struggles, but I didn’t expect to need to choose between diving into raw sewage and fighting a giant spider monster when I woke up that morning. However the choice was presented to me and I did the best that I could given the circumstances.
​
Going into the wastewater was exactly an unpleasant experience as you’d think it would be. I’m inclined not to share the details of what it was like, simply because I genuinely do not want to remember them and I’m still not entirely convinced that dealing with the giant angry spider person wasn’t the better choice.
​
A small comfort was that the pain of hitting the water, combined with the confusing sensation of being flushed through a pipe and into an even larger pipe made the whole experience slightly less disgusting, at the cost of being considerably more painful.
​
At the end of it, I was washed out into the main pipe and collapsed into the water, covered in filth and gagging from the stench that had sank into my every pore. I felt disoriented and confused. I tried to stand, only to collapse back into the wastewater, before aimlessly looking around, hoping that maybe I could figure out what direction to go in. It was too dark to see much of anything and I’d lost my flashlight during my trip through the wastewater, so I was left to just wander aimlessly, following what I thought was the flow of the water as my eyes slowly started to acclimate to the darkness.
​
I could feel shapes in the water. Some of them I almost tripped over and I could smell rotting meat on top of the stink of human waste. In the darkness, I could make out shapes in the water and hear the buzzing of bugs around me. I could even feel a few whizz past my head and mindlessly swatted at them.
​
Old bones crunched under my boots, and I quietly thanked whatever God was listening that I couldn’t see what they’d belonged to. I wanted to assume they were animal bones… but who knew, right? I couldn’t shake the mental image of myself unknowingly stepping over the mauled corpse of Stewart Long… although that was more from the trauma of having recently witnessed a man die than any guilt over what had happened to him. Long had quite literally gotten himself killed. Although I was terrified that I’d be joining him at any second.
​
I kept listening in, half expecting to hear spider legs creeping up behind me. But it was impossible to tell if I was alone or not in that darkness and with the bugs buzzing past me. If there were anything after me, I truly would not know it until after it had pounced.
​
Still, I knew I couldn’t afford to let the fear get the better of me. So I just kept walking, hoping that maybe if I did, I’d somehow find myself at the water treatment plant and maybe then I’d get some help.
​
Maybe.
​
As I pressed on, I noticed a light ahead of me and picked up the pace, hoping to God that I’d finally found my way out of this mess. But as I drew closer, I became very aware that whatever the source of that light was, it was not from the water treatment plant.
​
In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was. My first thought was that it was a fatberg (which is a solid mass of waste matter formed by an unholy mixture of wet wipes, grease, oil and every other piece of garbage people tend to flush down their toilets) but the longer I looked, the less certain I was about that.
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Fatbergs usually didn’t have lamps embedded in them.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have thick spiderwebs clinging to them.
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Fatbergs didn’t usually lead into a separate tunnel into the earth large enough for me to walk through.
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And finally, fatbergs didn’t usually have dead deer protruding from them. Let alone dead deer with other bugs living in them. God… the sight of those corpses… the way the bugs crawled through the rotting flesh and exposed bone. The empty, hollow eyes… it was almost too horrible to look at.
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And I swore that I could see things inside the corpses! Honeycombs of some sort, and the bugs who crawled around them looked almost like bees.
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Was… was something cultivating some kind of bee in these things?
​
I thought back to Troy’s rules.
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisor's time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
​
Suddenly, they made a little more sense. If those spider things were cultivating something in these bodies… of course we shouldn’t touch them. And if they were cultivating their food in the sewer… I paused, before staring down the tunnel that the corpses sat near the entrance of.
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Dull lamps illuminated it as it wound down into the earth, and I could see several pale centipede things that looked a lot like the creature that Long had shot to get us into this mess in the first place. These things must have belonged to the Spiders too, although whether they were some sort of guard dog or another thing they were farming was hard to say.
​
I took a step away from the tunnel, before looking back to make sure that I was well enough alone and trudging onward. And that was when I heard the slow rustle of movement.
​
I paused, feeling a chill run through me as the imminent reality of my own death dawned on me.
​
Slowly I turned, just in time to see a dark shape descending from the ceiling. A fresh set of eyes settled on me, narrowing as they studied me.
​
I put my hands up, hoping that it might understand the gesture of surrender and slowly it drew closer to me. I wasn’t sure if it was curious, or looking to murder me and at that point, I don’t think it really mattered. I wish I could say that I faced my death with dignity, but I’m going to be honest, I didn’t. I sat there, quivering and praying to whatever God would listen that it wouldn’t, kill me.
​
And then… I heard a voice.
“Leave that one! He’s with me!”
​
Troy?
​
I saw a figure emerge from the tunnel in the wall, and against all logic, somehow it was Troy! He had a hell of a goose egg on his head from where he’d been hit earlier, but he was alive! He stepped between me and the spider person, arms outstretched.
​
“With me.” He repeated firmly.
The Spider stared down at him, before huffing and turning away. I watched as they disappeared down the nearby tunnel, and Troy watched them go, before quietly turning to me.
​
“Good lord, boy… I’m shocked to see you’re still alive!”
“W-what just happened?” Was the only thing I could stammer. “You can talk to them?!”
“Some of ‘em. I’ve been down here for long enough that they know me. Know I’m not a threat. But they ain’t too happy with us right now. So what you’re gonna do here is get up, follow me, and I’m gonna get you out of here.”
“How do you know they’re even gonna let us leave?” I asked.
​
Troy’s expression soured.
“Had to pay ‘em off…” He admitted, “Let them keep what was left of your friend. They considered it a fair trade, so long as we leave. Now, let’s go.”
I didn’t ask any more questions.
​
***
​
After I made it out of the sewers that day, I ended up in the hospital alongside Peter. I had some minor cuts and bruises, a burning rash over most of my body from all the sewage I’d been crawling around in… but I was still alive, and I figured that had to count for something.
​
Nobody said a word about what happened to Stewart Long down in the sewer. He got written off as a workplace accident and they never even tried to recover his body. I suspect what’s left of him is still down in the sewers, even now… feeding whatever it is that those things down there are cultivating, although I’ve never seen the body myself.
​
Yes… I have been back down beneath the southeast side of town. The next time they needed someone to go, they sent me and Tomas along with Troy, Craig and Peter. We know what’s down there and we know how to deal with them, after all. My second visit to those sewers was a lot less eventful, and most of my subsequent visits haven’t been all that eventful either.
​
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at dealing with the Spiders… they’re not the most friendly folk and I know all too well that if you cross them, they’ll rip your guts out before you even realize that you’re dead. But so long as you follow the rules and leave them alone, they’re content to live and let live. They can even be reasonable, to an extent. We’ve had a few small incidents over the years, but nothing like the one that Long caused.
​
Odds are, when Troy and Craig retire next year, Tomas and I will be training the next group on what to do when you’re down beneath the southeast side of town. So in preparation for that, I’ve made a point to keep a copy of Tom's rules in the pumphouse. I also keep a picture of Stewart Long in there. Not as a memorial and not out of spite either. Just as a grim reminder of what can happen when you don’t follow the [rules.](https://www.reddit.com/HeadOfSpectre/)

The way I see it, if you don’t notice that I exist, then I’m doing my job correctly.
​
My name is Ben McFarlane and I work as a municipal sewer inspector in the town of Tevam Sound, Ontario. It's not the most glamorous job, but hey, somebody's got to do it and it puts food on the table.
​
You'd probably think that working as a sewer inspector isn't that exciting… and yeah, for the most part you'd be right. Most of the time, all I'm doing is checking the pipes for damage. Unless there’s a reason for me to investigate a certain area, most of what I do is routine inspection, which helps ensure that the sewers remain in good working order. Trust me, nobody wants to see what happens when they aren’t.
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Thankfully, a lot of what I do can be done without me needing to crawl through pipes. I can use a small camera to help me do the inspection. But with some of the larger pipes and cisterns, I need to actually go inside and take a look.
​
It’s never the best part of my day, but like I said before: somebody’s got to do it.
​
Going down into the bigger tunnels is always a little unnerving. Part of it is the claustrophobic atmosphere and part of it is the knowledge that you’re basically standing in a river of literal human waste. I can deal with it now, but back when I first started the smell alone was darn near impossible to deal with.
​
Ask most sanitation workers and I'm sure they'll have stories about what they've found in the sewers before. Heck, most of it isn't even stuff that people flush down the toilet. It's the stuff that people drop down manhole covers, or the stuff that gets washed into the sewers by the rain. Dead animals are surprisingly common, as are kids toys. I found an entire bicycle in the sewer once and I've got a buddy who found a loaded gun down there! Someone probably thought they'd get rid of it by just tossing it in the sewer.
​
Someone was wrong.
​
But of all the strange things I've experienced during my time working in the sewers… none of it compares to the stuff I see in the pipes on the southeast side of town.
​
The things down there… I don't usually like to talk about them. Heck, I might not even be legally allowed to talk about them. I guess we'll find out, won't we? I've had a few drinks tonight and I'm feeling particularly chatty. So why not spill the beans? Hey, maybe someone out there will tell me something I don’t already know.
​
I’d been on the job for about a year or so before getting sent to the southeast side of town. It’s closer to the lake and the downtown area, so there’s some deeper pipes there. I’d always figured that that was the reason they only really ever sent certain people down there. I’d heard that those tunnels were old and a little labyrinthian. Anyone who didn’t know what they were doing could easily get lost.
​
But after we got hit with a particularly nasty rain storm back in summer of 2013, they needed to send someone down to check on some sensors and I just so happened to be one of the guys who was available.
​
A bad rain storm can push a sewer system to its limit, so it wasn’t really that surprising that we’d gotten that kind of call and at the time, I didn’t think that there was anything that strange about it. My supervisor told me to head on down toward the pumphouse on the southwest side of town like it was any other priority inspection, and I went along with no questions asked. It was a few streets away from downtown. I’d seen it before but never had a reason to go inside up until then.
​
I was working with a couple of other newbies at the time, a guy by the name of Stewart Long who’d only been on the job for a round three months or so, and another guy by the name of Tomas Opunui who’d started around the same time that I had.
​
We’d arrived at the pumphouse, and when we got there we noticed another team waiting on us. This wasn’t too shocking either. Depending on the size of the job, they might’ve sent some other guys in to help us handle it.
​
The guy in charge was an older man who looked to be pushing sixty. He had sort of a ‘Santa Claus on summer vacation’ look, with white hair, a short white beard, a big beer belly and a no nonsense expression.
​
He watched us get out of his truck with a look of stern disapproval, before huffing and trudging over to us.
“Where’s the usual fellas?” He asked.
“I dunno, out. They called us,” I replied.
​
He didn’t seem to like that answer but didn’t say anything in response to it.
“You ever worked on the southeast approach channel before?” He asked.
“Yeah, we’ve been in the ones on the north side of town,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked, kid. You ever worked in this one before?”
​
Something about the way he asked this question struck me as a little odd. I’d worked in an approach channel before. I knew the drill. What did it matter which one I’d worked in?
​
For the unenlightened, an approach channel is a cistern filled with wastewater. They feed into a deep tunnel which feeds into a water treatment plant and they’re considered to be fairly dangerous, due to their depth (if you fall off the ladder on your way down, you’re in for a long drop into a biohazardous lake unless you’re properly tethered) and the harmful gasses that can accumulate in them. Standard operating procedure is to always test the air before entering one just to make sure that it’s even safe to breathe down there.
​
Being reckless while going into an approach channel is a recipe for disaster, and I would have understood if the old man was concerned about us not having dealt with one before. But the way he spoke to us implied that this one was different somehow, which didn’t make a whole heck of a lot of sense to me.
“What’s the difference?” I asked. “Same procedure, right?”
“No, not the same procedure. We need people experienced with this approach channel. These tunnels are a little different than what you’re used to.
“Look, the boss sent us here. So I’m sure we’ll manage,” Tomas said. “You can show us what we need to know.”
​
The Old Man didn’t respond to him. He just shook his head and turned away.
“I’m gonna call this in and clear it with the boss first. You three, don’t move until I get back.”
I traded a look with both Tomas and Long as the Old Man trudged away. He said something to the two guys who were with him, before getting back into his truck to make a call.
​
Part of me was obliged to try and just get to work. But looking at the other two guys that the Old Man had with him, I had a feeling that they’d try to stop me. One of them, another older guy with a receding hairline and a bushy moustache was watching us like a hawk.
​
So we waited.
​
After a few minutes, the Old Man got out of his truck again, said something to his buddy with the mustache and trudged back over to us.
“Bad news, fellas. Looks like our usual company’s retired… guess you’re the replacement.”
“So we can get to work?” I asked.
“Yeah. We can get to work,” The Old Man said. “Come on, let’s get going.”
​
With that, he turned and led us into the pumphouse.
“Suppose I might as well introduce myself. Names Troy. My colleagues here are Craig and Peter.”
He gestured to the two men who were with him, Mr. Moustache (who I assumed was Craig) and the other guy, who looked to be in his mid thirties and had sunken eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in a few days. The one who I assumed was Craig just gave us a nod, while the guy I figured was Peter gave a lazy half wave before they followed us into the pumphouse.
“So if you don’t mind my asking, what’s so special about this channel?” I asked.
“I guess you’ll be seeing for yourself soon enough,” Troy replied as he started down a set of stairs. “The guys you’re replacing… well, guy… a fella named Tom… he always had a set of rules for working down here. He passed ‘em on to me and Craig when we started. We’ve passed ‘em on to Peter. Guess it’s time we passed ‘em on to you too.”
​
“Rules?” I asked, “What kind of rules?”
“The kind you listen very, very closely to, kid.” Troy looked back at me, before his eyes shifted to Tomas and Long behind me.
“Very, very closely.”
He descended the rest of the way down the stairs, where there was a hatch in the concrete floor beneath us, along with a large locker on the far side of the room.
​
“Rule number one,” Troy began. “You don’t enter this part of the sewers alone. You stay in a group of at least three to four at all times. No more, no less. Too many and it slows you down. Too few, and you might not come back at all.”
He trailed off, watching as Craig cracked open the hatch to test the air inside.
​
“Rule number two: You do not enter this part of the sewers without a gun and a radio.”
He opened the locker on the far side of the room and I was taken aback to see a collection of several handguns inside, along with boxes of ammunition and one shotgun in amongst the usual PPE.
Troy clipped one of the guns to his belt, along with one of the radios, before handing a pair off to Peter and looking over at us.
​
“Who’s taking it?” He asked.
“Whoa, just hold up for a minute!” Long interjected, “What the hell is down there?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Troy replied. “Hate to say it but it ain’t our job to know. I leave that to someone else. Our job is to follow the rules. You follow them, and you’ll be fine.”
Long seemed skeptical, but I looked at the gun in Troy’s hand and took it. I wasn’t sure if he was having a laugh with us or not, but I was there to do a job and I intended to do it.
​
Troy gave me a quiet nod, before thrusting the second gun over to Long. He didn’t seem to happy to get it.
“Are we gonna have to use these?” He asked.
“Not if you do as I say, you won’t. Rule 3: If you see a pipe or a tunnel with heavy spiderwebs, don’t go down it. Doesn’t matter if that’s where the sensor is. You make a note of it, report it to your supervisor and leave it alone.”
​
Spiderwebs? What the hell was he talking about?
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisors time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
“I’m sorry, you’ve been finding human bodies down there?” I asked.
“Rarely,” He replied. “But it’s been known to happen. And if we do find one… the same rules apply. Don’t approach it. Don’t touch it. Stay as far away as possible.”
​
I could see some of the color draining from Long’s face.
“Rule 5: If you see anyone else down there, you are not to interact with them. You do not follow them if they try to lead you somewhere, if they ask you for help, you do not help them. I don’t care if they’re crying and begging. You leave them alone. You report it to your supervisor.”
“There are people down there?” I asked.
“Normally, no. Far as I know, Tom only ever ran into a couple during his career. I’ve only ever seen one. Like I said, best to leave them alone.”
​
“Why?” I asked, “If there’s someone stuck down there, we have an obligation to help them!”
“That would be very ill advised,” Troy said. “You don’t want to anger the things that are down there… which leads me to rule 6: Avoid killing anything you come across down there. They’re not yours to kill. And if you have absolutely no choice, if you have to break that rule for the sake of self defense, then we leave immediately. That’s rule number 7.”
​
“Air’s safe down there,” Craig said, interrupting our conversation.
“Good. Let’s get suited up, then. Oh… and rule 8. Final rule. If anything happens to any member of our team, we leave immediately. We don’t go after them. We don’t try to help them. We leave immediately. Is that clear? I don’t care if it’s me, begging you for help. You leave me behind.”
​
Long and I remained silent, neither of us entirely sure how to react to this or even what to say. Troy had made it sound as if we were about to descend into a level of hell. I couldn’t imagine what the hell could possibly be down there to elicit a list of rules like that, and I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to find out either!
“Well? You fellas getting ready or not?” Troy asked impatiently as he put on his PPE. “The quicker we get down there, the quicker we can get out again!”
​
“If this is so dangerous, why are they sending us?” Long asked, “Shouldn’t they be sending… I dunno, the cops or something?”
“They tolerate us being down there, so long as we don’t disturb them. They wouldn’t be so forgiving toward the local police,” Troy replied. “Listen, kid. Obey the rules and you’ll be fine, got that? We’ve been doing this for years without any problems. You keep your head on your shoulders, you do what we say and you go home safe. Alright?”
​
Long still didn’t seem convinced, but I did. By this point, I was morbidly curious about exactly what was down there… and Troy’s assurance that they’d come out unscathed before did set me at ease a little bit. These rules sounded kinda scary, but what could realistically go wrong? With Troy keeping us in line, everything would probably be fine and besides, I still wasn’t convinced that this wasn’t all some sort of elaborate prank the old man was pulling. I grabbed myself a set of PPE and got ready and after a moments hesitation, Long did the same.
​
When we were ready, Craig opened up the hatch in the floor, and Tomas helped get us tethered so that we wouldn’t plummet down into the waters below if we slipped on the ladder, then we finally began our descent.
​
Troy went first, climbing down the ladder and into the darkness below. I went second, followed by Peter and followed by Long.
​
We climbed down into the approach channel in relative silence, only really speaking again once we made it to the bottom of the ladder.
​
Troy helped me get untethered, before doing the same for Peter and Long as they reached the bottom, and while he did that I got my first look at the dreaded southeast approach channel. I can’t say that there was a heck of a lot to see. The walls were boxy and flat, and the dirty wastewater trickled over my boots and into the pipe sending it even deeper through the sewer system.
​
The sensors should have been mounted on the ceiling, and I traced the black conduit line with my flashlight as I searched for the sensor they connected to. Peter and Long stayed back as Tomas and Craig lowered our tools down after us, while Troy came up behind me.
“Should be quick work…” He noted, “Rain doesn’t seem to have done much in here. Water level is still fairly low.”
​
I saw his flashlight shift upward toward the ceiling before he spotted the sensor. He trudged through the water to get closer to it, and I followed him.
“No external damage,” I noted. “Conduit lines look good too.”
“Yeah, we’ll run our tests and get out of here,” Troy said. “Approach channel is usually pretty safe… usually.”
“Usually?” I asked, and Troy pointed his flashlight up toward a set of silky spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling a few feet behind the sensor.
​
“They don’t typically come up here… but every now and then you might find some proof of some young ones, trying to get into the pumphouse.”
I looked over at him.
“They try to break into the pumphouse?” I asked, “Did they ever get in?”
“Not that I’ve ever heard of. Can’t imagine they’d stay long if they did. Nothing to eat in there.”
“What exactly are they?” I asked, “And don’t you tell me that’s not for us to know. You’ve seen them, right? What do they look like?”
​
Troy had started to answer, when suddenly I heard Long screaming and swearing up a storm. Both of us turned to look, just in time to see something large skittering up the wall beside him. I only caught a brief glimpse of it, but it seemed to be roughly the size of a dog with more legs than I could count. Long stared at it with wide, horrified eyes as he fumbled with his gun, before pulling it free.
​
I saw Troy’s eyes widen before Long fired five times. Only one or two of the bullets actually hit the target. I heard Peter cry out in pain and grab at his arm before falling and whatever it was that Long had actually been shooting at collapsed into the shallow water, its pale body twitching violently.
“What did you just do?!” Troy demanded, running over to Peter’s side.
“I-it was coming for me!” Long protested, before noticing what he’d done to Peter. I saw his eyes widen in horror.
“Oh no… no, no, no… I didn’t…”
“Rule 6! You don’t kill anything down here! You leave them alone and they leave you alone!” Troy roared, before his attention returned to Peter. “How bad is it?”
​
“J-just a scratch, boss… I think I got hit by the ricochet,” Peter said, as Troy inspected his wound. I’ve never seen a gunshot wound before, but there was a lot of blood for it to just be a scratch.
“We’ll get you topside,” Troy said. “And come back down tomorrow with someone who knows how to follow rules!”
​
He shot Long a death glare before his radio crackled to life.
“Troy, everything good down there?” Craig asked.
“No, no it isn’t. One of the newbies got jumpy, shot at a centipede.” He huffed, “Put a hole in Peter in the process. Think you can reel him back up?”
“Yeah, sure thing. Hook him up. Tomas and I will bring him topside.”
​
Troy quietly hooked Peter up to the line, before helping him onto the ladder.
“You take it easy on the way up, and we’ll get that checked out,” He promised.
“Thanks boss,” Peter said quietly.
Troy’s attention returned to Long next, as he fixed him in a death glare.
“You, up the ladder behind him. And you…” He looked at me, his expression softening just a little.
“Behind him. I’ll go up last.”
​
Peter started to meekly climb the ladder, although it seemed like Craig and Tomas were doing most of the work, hoisting him up rung by rung. Once he’d made it part of the way up, Long started to hook himself up to climb behind him. Although before he could hook himself in, I saw him pause for a moment, staring at Troy.
“What is it?” Troy asked, before pausing.
​
Long craned his neck a little, his hand moving down to his gun again… and it was then that both Troy and I realized that he hadn’t been looking at Troy. He’d been looking at what was behind him.
​
I only saw a shadow, perched on the roof of the tunnel. But that was all that Long needed to see before he started shooting again.
“DON’T!”
But by the time Troy had gotten the word out, that trigger happy idiot had already started shooting again and this time, the thing that came for him didn’t drop dead.
​
Instead, it launched itself off of the ceiling of the tunnel, crashing into the ground a few feet away from me.
“WAIT!” Troy tried to protest before the thing in front of us knocked him aside, dashing him against the wall. Long scrambled away, retreating deeper into the tunnel while Peter frantically tried to unholster his gun.
“Troy? Troy, what’s going on down there?” I heard Craig calling over the radio, “Troy? Anyone, respond!”
​
The shape in front of us turned, looking over at me and Long. Eight eyes shone in the darkness and though I could only see the shadow of the creature before us, I saw enough. It had a body like a spider, with eight long chitinous legs. Only its body was much larger than any spider I’d ever seen before.
​
Much, much larger.
​
This creature was almost the size of a small car, but it wasn’t its size that terrified me. It was the humanoid torso coming out of the front of it. The two arms that ended in razor sharp claws, the snarling mouth that made noises that almost sounded human.
​
When this impossible thing looked at us, I saw real intelligence in its eyes. It was studying us, trying to determine how much of a threat we were…
​
Long kept his gun trained on it, hands shaking violently. I knew that he was going to shoot again, and hoping not to anger this thing, grabbed his arm, trying to force his gun down. He jumped the moment that I touched him giving me a hysterical look.
“Don’t!” I snapped, “You’re just gonna piss it off!”
​
The Spider took a step toward us, hissing as it did. Long pulled away from me.
“Stu!”
I tried calling his name, but Long had already made his choice and sealed his fate. He’d opted to fight this thing. And so, like the fool he was he shot at it again.
​
The Spider lunged for us.
​
I ran. Long didn’t.
​
He only had enough time to scream before it pounced on him, and then… all I could hear were the dying screams in his throat as he was pulled apart. I didn’t see him die. But I didn’t need to. I heard everything. I kept running, not even thinking about where the approach channel was going to end. And when it did end, all I could do was plummet into the darkness.
​
See, at the end of an approach channel is what is appropriately called a drop shaft. It’s where the water flows into a larger tunnel beneath the city. That tunnel, flows into the water treatment plant, eventually and the water down there… yeah… let’s just say that you don’t want to end up in the water down there.
​
Unfortunately, that was exactly where I was going.
​
I know that every job has its struggles, but I didn’t expect to need to choose between diving into raw sewage and fighting a giant spider monster when I woke up that morning. However the choice was presented to me and I did the best that I could given the circumstances.
​
Going into the wastewater was exactly an unpleasant experience as you’d think it would be. I’m inclined not to share the details of what it was like, simply because I genuinely do not want to remember them and I’m still not entirely convinced that dealing with the giant angry spider person wasn’t the better choice.
​
A small comfort was that the pain of hitting the water, combined with the confusing sensation of being flushed through a pipe and into an even larger pipe made the whole experience slightly less disgusting, at the cost of being considerably more painful.
​
At the end of it, I was washed out into the main pipe and collapsed into the water, covered in filth and gagging from the stench that had sank into my every pore. I felt disoriented and confused. I tried to stand, only to collapse back into the wastewater, before aimlessly looking around, hoping that maybe I could figure out what direction to go in. It was too dark to see much of anything and I’d lost my flashlight during my trip through the wastewater, so I was left to just wander aimlessly, following what I thought was the flow of the water as my eyes slowly started to acclimate to the darkness.
​
I could feel shapes in the water. Some of them I almost tripped over and I could smell rotting meat on top of the stink of human waste. In the darkness, I could make out shapes in the water and hear the buzzing of bugs around me. I could even feel a few whizz past my head and mindlessly swatted at them.
​
Old bones crunched under my boots, and I quietly thanked whatever God was listening that I couldn’t see what they’d belonged to. I wanted to assume they were animal bones… but who knew, right? I couldn’t shake the mental image of myself unknowingly stepping over the mauled corpse of Stewart Long… although that was more from the trauma of having recently witnessed a man die than any guilt over what had happened to him. Long had quite literally gotten himself killed. Although I was terrified that I’d be joining him at any second.
​
I kept listening in, half expecting to hear spider legs creeping up behind me. But it was impossible to tell if I was alone or not in that darkness and with the bugs buzzing past me. If there were anything after me, I truly would not know it until after it had pounced.
​
Still, I knew I couldn’t afford to let the fear get the better of me. So I just kept walking, hoping that maybe if I did, I’d somehow find myself at the water treatment plant and maybe then I’d get some help.
​
Maybe.
​
As I pressed on, I noticed a light ahead of me and picked up the pace, hoping to God that I’d finally found my way out of this mess. But as I drew closer, I became very aware that whatever the source of that light was, it was not from the water treatment plant.
​
In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was. My first thought was that it was a fatberg (which is a solid mass of waste matter formed by an unholy mixture of wet wipes, grease, oil and every other piece of garbage people tend to flush down their toilets) but the longer I looked, the less certain I was about that.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have lamps embedded in them.
​
Fatbergs usually didn’t have thick spiderwebs clinging to them.
​
Fatbergs didn’t usually lead into a separate tunnel into the earth large enough for me to walk through.
​
And finally, fatbergs didn’t usually have dead deer protruding from them. Let alone dead deer with other bugs living in them. God… the sight of those corpses… the way the bugs crawled through the rotting flesh and exposed bone. The empty, hollow eyes… it was almost too horrible to look at.
​
And I swore that I could see things inside the corpses! Honeycombs of some sort, and the bugs who crawled around them looked almost like bees.
​
Was… was something cultivating some kind of bee in these things?
​
I thought back to Troy’s rules.
“Rule 4: If you find a body… and odds are, you will find a body, don’t touch it. Don’t try to move it. Hell, don’t even get close to it. And don’t waste the supervisor's time reporting it. Only time the bodies get reported is when they’re human.”
​
Suddenly, they made a little more sense. If those spider things were cultivating something in these bodies… of course we shouldn’t touch them. And if they were cultivating their food in the sewer… I paused, before staring down the tunnel that the corpses sat near the entrance of.
​
Dull lamps illuminated it as it wound down into the earth, and I could see several pale centipede things that looked a lot like the creature that Long had shot to get us into this mess in the first place. These things must have belonged to the Spiders too, although whether they were some sort of guard dog or another thing they were farming was hard to say.
​
I took a step away from the tunnel, before looking back to make sure that I was well enough alone and trudging onward. And that was when I heard the slow rustle of movement.
​
I paused, feeling a chill run through me as the imminent reality of my own death dawned on me.
​
Slowly I turned, just in time to see a dark shape descending from the ceiling. A fresh set of eyes settled on me, narrowing as they studied me.
​
I put my hands up, hoping that it might understand the gesture of surrender and slowly it drew closer to me. I wasn’t sure if it was curious, or looking to murder me and at that point, I don’t think it really mattered. I wish I could say that I faced my death with dignity, but I’m going to be honest, I didn’t. I sat there, quivering and praying to whatever God would listen that it wouldn’t, kill me.
​
And then… I heard a voice.
“Leave that one! He’s with me!”
​
Troy?
​
I saw a figure emerge from the tunnel in the wall, and against all logic, somehow it was Troy! He had a hell of a goose egg on his head from where he’d been hit earlier, but he was alive! He stepped between me and the spider person, arms outstretched.
​
“With me.” He repeated firmly.
The Spider stared down at him, before huffing and turning away. I watched as they disappeared down the nearby tunnel, and Troy watched them go, before quietly turning to me.
​
“Good lord, boy… I’m shocked to see you’re still alive!”
“W-what just happened?” Was the only thing I could stammer. “You can talk to them?!”
“Some of ‘em. I’ve been down here for long enough that they know me. Know I’m not a threat. But they ain’t too happy with us right now. So what you’re gonna do here is get up, follow me, and I’m gonna get you out of here.”
“How do you know they’re even gonna let us leave?” I asked.
​
Troy’s expression soured.
“Had to pay ‘em off…” He admitted, “Let them keep what was left of your friend. They considered it a fair trade, so long as we leave. Now, let’s go.”
I didn’t ask any more questions.
​
***
​
After I made it out of the sewers that day, I ended up in the hospital alongside Peter. I had some minor cuts and bruises, a burning rash over most of my body from all the sewage I’d been crawling around in… but I was still alive, and I figured that had to count for something.
​
Nobody said a word about what happened to Stewart Long down in the sewer. He got written off as a workplace accident and they never even tried to recover his body. I suspect what’s left of him is still down in the sewers, even now… feeding whatever it is that those things down there are cultivating, although I’ve never seen the body myself.
​
Yes… I have been back down beneath the southeast side of town. The next time they needed someone to go, they sent me and Tomas along with Troy, Craig and Peter. We know what’s down there and we know how to deal with them, after all. My second visit to those sewers was a lot less eventful, and most of my subsequent visits haven’t been all that eventful either.
​
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at dealing with the Spiders… they’re not the most friendly folk and I know all too well that if you cross them, they’ll rip your guts out before you even realize that you’re dead. But so long as you follow the rules and leave them alone, they’re content to live and let live. They can even be reasonable, to an extent. We’ve had a few small incidents over the years, but nothing like the one that Long caused.
​
Odds are, when Troy and Craig retire next year, Tomas and I will be training the next group on what to do when you’re down beneath the southeast side of town. So in preparation for that, I’ve made a point to keep a copy of Tom's rules in the pumphouse. I also keep a picture of Stewart Long in there. Not as a memorial and not out of spite either. Just as a grim reminder of what can happen when you don’t follow the rules.

DC Next presents:

Suicide Squad

Issue Thirty-Four: Brains Scrambled.:maxbytes(150000):strip_icc()/optaboutcomcoeusresourcescontent_migrationsimply_recipesuploads201005_chili-dog-horiz-a-1600-1a1f025054124cd886baab5b14d8d5b6.jpg)
Arc: Road Trip!
Written by Deadislandman1
Edited by UpinthatBuckethead
 
 
The high pitched whine of the cargo plane slowly wound down, its turbine-assisted wings quieting with the shutdown of the behemoth’s engine. The denizens inside, the remaining members of the Suicide Squad, took this as a sign that they had finally made it to their destination. Flag grabbed a duffel bag, which contained what was left of his belongings after they had totalled their RVs, while the squad simply collected themselves, preparing to step off the plane. The bay door unlocked, slowly lowered until it hit the runway, and the Squad was hit by that familiar mix of heat and humidity.
“Goddamn,” said Raptor, a heavy sense of exhaustion in his voice. “It sucks to be back.”
Flag sighed before stepping off the plane and onto the runway, making the long walk towards a boat set to take them to the prison proper. They had landed on a secret runway out in the swamp, and now it was time to make the final leg of the journey. The rest of the squad followed suit, though in a variety of different states. Dante had ditched his metal suit with the return to a climate with more moisture, yet he also wasn’t entirely covered up in bandages. He allowed his skin to be out and about…free. He didn’t care that the gym shorts and white t-shirt seemed strange when set with his long scarred flesh, he was just happy to feel a bit more like himself again. A bit more normal.
Nicholas was carrying Adella on his back. She had fallen asleep on the flight over, and he didn’t want to wake her. It wasn’t much of an effort, he could flip a car with the flick of a finger, but being gentle, being delicate…that was something he was never taught. Weapons are crafted to harm, not to comfort, Nicholas found he took to the task surprisingly well.
Raptor was sweating up a storm, begrudgingly flipping back his hood to make sure he wasn’t being oven-roasted. The journey had been a rocky one for most, and Raptor couldn’t lie, the road trip over the past month had been one of the bumpiest rides he’d ever had, but truth be told, a part of him was probably going to remember most of it fondly. Still, the remaining bits would also be tainted permanently by Mitchell Mayo’s demise. He hadn’t gotten to know him super well, but he considered him to be a good guy.
Croc felt similarly, though right now he was feeling a lot better about the heat. This was his kind of climate, just like back home where he grew up. If it weren’t for the bomb in his neck, he’d jump into the river for a dip, like a kid rushing into the ocean for the first time. It was almost a pity that they only really ended up near a few city rivers, where the water would probably cause you to grow an extra toe or two.
And then there was Harley, who was clearly not as relieved as everyone else for the trip to be over. Her partner was gone, and while she knew that the team was there for her, it was going to take a damn long time to work through what happened. She could barely feel the heat as she got onto the boat, grabbing a more cushioned seat before lying down in it. Flag dropped his bag to the side and took the helm, starting the engine as everyone else piled in.
Flag himself was, to put it mildly, weary. A kernel of anger had made its home at the back of his brain, a fury at the fact that Waller had yet again refused to tell him everything. However, he wasn’t chomping at the bit to get some answers at the moment, because he felt like he could drop dead at any moment. It was probably unsafe for him to even be driving the boat, but hell, they were almost there. He’d make it to his bed.
The boat slowed to a stop at the dock, and while the Belle Reve guards came out with tasers and batons, Flag simply waved his hand at them, “Relax, they know the drill. No need to be rough.”
As the team got out of the boat, led back into the concrete fortress that was, begrudgingly, their home, Flag grabbed his bag and stepped onto the dock. Realizing something, he called out to one of the guards, “Hey, let Waller know I’m here and that I wanna talk….but not today. I wanna meet tomorrow, because today’s been about a thousand miles of traveling.”
 
 
It took Flag no time at all to navigate the halls of Belle Reve, making his way through the bones of such a vast beast of a prison. There weren’t too many faces to his surprise, but there were quite a lot of renovations happening. Entire cell blocks and research wings were being converted, though Flag had no clue what they would be after construction, and frankly he couldn’t give a damn at the moment. He just wanted to lie down and go to sleep.
Eventually, he rounded the corner to the hall with his room, occupied solely by a man in a doctor’s coat. As Flag approached the door, the man noticed him, jumping in front of the Colonel, “Oh! I’m sorry sir, but you can’t go in there.”
Flag shouldered his duffle bag, grunting in annoyance, “Why not, it’s my room.”
“Well, it’s because-”
“Nevermind, I don’t give a shit,” said Flag, “You have two seconds to get out of my way before your teeth take a trip down your throat.”
“Urk-” The doctor stepped out of the way, and Flag trudged through the door, happy that the final obstacle to rest had been dealt with. Closing the door behind him, he dropped the duffle bag on the ground, kicked his boots off, and promptly fell into his bed. He groaned, shifting to let himself sink into the mattress.
“Uhhhh.”
“Oh for the love of - ” growled Flag. “Listen buddy, I don’t care if they decided you could room here. It’s my place, now skedaddle.”
“Uh, alright Colonel! I know they took my bomb out, but you’re the boss!”
“Took your…” Flag turned his head to face the voice, finding the one eyed Mitchell Mayo sitting at his desk, a pen in his hand. Flag grunted, “Are you real…I think sleep deprivation’s taking its toll on me.”
“No, I’m real,” said Mayo. “I know Waller said I was dead, but really, I’m not!”
“...I don’t believe you. You’re a figment of my imagination,” said Flag, who lied down again. “Gonna catch my z’s now.”
“Wait, no! I am real,” said Mayo. “ust lemme prove it to you.”
“Good luck with that.”
Flag turned away from Mayo again, prompting Mayo to quickly grab a glass of water from the desk, dipping his fingers in it. Then, he trudged over to the bed and dripped the water onto Flag. Flag immediately cringed at the touch of the liquid, jumping out of bed in anger. Mayo quickly backed up, though he found himself against a wall fairly quickly.
“What the fuck?!” growled Flag.
“I know I know! I’m sorry!” said Mayo. “But look! You’re wet…literally, not the figurative way! I’m real, because who else would put the water on you.”
Flag wiped his face, realizing that there was truth to Mayo’s words, “You’re…you’re not dead. You’re actually-”
Mayo rubbed the back of his head, turning away sheepishly, “Here? Yeah, yeah! Apparently Waller lied to you guys about me surviving, though it’s hard to remember how I-”
Without warning, Flag grabbed Mayo and pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tight. There was a shakiness to his voice, but Mayo could tell that Flag was just…so incredibly overwhelmed.
“You’re… still here,” said Flag.
“Yup! Still here! Loving the hug,” said Mayo. “But I think I’m good now.”
Flag continued to hug Mayo.
“Flag? Flag?” Mayo began to tap on Flag’s shoulder, his voice becoming more of a wheeze as the hug grew tighter. “Flag! Lemme tap out! I can’t breathe, you’re gonna put me in the hospital again! Flaaaaag!”
At that final screech, Flag finally let go, allowing Mayo to catch his breath. The Colonel took a seat on the bed, amazed, “I…this…this feels like a goddamn miracle. I mean, when do any of us catch a break?”
“Catch a break? I mean, I lost an eye,” said Mayo. “But I’m not dead, so I’ll call it a pyrrhic victory.”
“Shit. I’ve got more to say to Waller now,” said Flag. “But that can wait. How have things been?”
“Well, aside from adjusting to the fact that I don’t have depth perception anymore,” said Mayo. “I’m mostly just trying to figure out more life stuff. I was writing down some recipes for different marination sauces.”
“You cook here?” asked Flag.
“They let me into the kitchen sometimes. I’ve had a lot of the flavorless goop when I lived in the cells, so I thought I’d try making something with taste,” said Mayo. “I managed to make some really good Huli-Huli chicken, some chili cheese dogs. I’d love to make more than the others.”
“I’m sure they’d appreciate it!” said Flag. “Though you being alive is already gonna make ‘em happy, Harley especially.”
At Harley’s mention, Mayo’s cheery expression wavered, and his gaze drifted away from Flag’s eyes, “Oh, yeah! Harley.”
Flag raised an eyebrow, “Mitch? What’s wrong?”
“I,” Mayo sighed. “Listen, it’s probably occurred to you that I’m not really a normal prisoner anymore. I don’t have my bomb, and they put me up in your room.”
“Right…”
“And it’s because…it’s because Waller doesn’t think she needs me anymore,” said Mayo. “This cooking stuff? It’s my way of having a skill set for the outside. I say the word, and I’ll be able to head out and grab a job at some top military general’s favorite food joint. Job’s waiting, and I won’t even have to do any parole stuff. It'd be an early release, no strings attached.”
“Shit,” Flag’s eyes widened. “That’s a hell of a deal.”
“Yeah, but I haven’t taken it because…”
“Harley?”
Mayo sighed, “Because of everyone. If I take it, I don’t think I’d be able to face them, Harley especially.”
Flag crossed his arms, “Well…after you said what you said to her, I think you should talk to her either way.”
“After what I said?” Mayo frowned. “What did I say?”
“You…” Flag shook his head. “Wait, you don’t remember?”
“I don’t remember anything from about a week before I was in the hospital,” said Mayo. “The Doctors told me this was lucky though. I got shot in the head, could’ve been really really bad. I could’ve lost all my memories, or my cognitive abilities….or y’know. I could’ve straight up died.”
“So you don’t remember-”
“No,” said Mayo. “Which is why I need you to tell me what I said.”
Flag grimaced, “I don’t think it’s my place to say.”
“What, why?!”
“Because you said some very personal things to her,” said Flag. “If you talk to anyone about what’s going on with you, you should talk to her.”
“Ah jeez.” Mayo shook his head, sitting down at the desk, “I just…god I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be here anymore, even in my current circumstances. But I also don’t want to leave anyone behind.”
Flag took a seat on the bed, across from Mayo. “Then talk to them, tell them this stuff yourself. They might think differently.”
“I don’t know if I can face them, knowing I can leave at any time and they can’t.” said Mayo.
“I can be there,” said Flag. “And trust me when I say that whatever choice you make…it should be your choice only. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. They might be giving their opinions, but it’s your ticket, and you can do what you want with it.”
Mayo smiled, “Thanks Flag, I think I needed to hear that.”
“Good, then get ready, because tomorrow you’ll be able to see them,” said Flag. “Not now though. Now is when I hit the sack.”
Without another word, Flag laid down in bed again, closing his eyes. Sleep came almost instantly. Nodding to himself, Mayo turned back to his desk, writing down some extra notes for his recipe. Tomorrow was now potentially one of the biggest days of his life, and he had to be prepared to say what he wanted to say to everyone else. Yawning, he put down his pen and got out of his chair, deciding that it was time for bed. Looking at the occupied mattress, Mayo suddenly realized something, “Shit…now where am I gonna sleep.”
 
Next Issue: Will he remain?
 

https://imgur.com/a/pUCwPZf
u/unseenbowl x 2 It was sooooo sweet of you to think of me with the pretty Monet flair congrats postcard!!!! Can’t wait for your flair dreams to come true too! Thank you for this super insanely adorable jungle-themed Wild About You V-Day card (arrived oddly late) and OMG WHAAAAAT?!? A MAGICAL MATCHING SHEET OF SWEEEEEEET STICKERS?!?! Is this witchcraft?!? I didn’t know that this type of card magic existed - it’s like you threw a party in a card, my sweet little unseenbowl. And even the interior of the envelope is all decked out in colorful hearts!!!! Solid color on one side but then this heart-tastic little secret just for my eyes only?!?!? Dude no one else gets to attend this party but me!!! And let’s do something about this you not being seen, because you’re honestly the cutest bowl I have NEVER seen but I want to see you. I see you, you sweet little bowl. I affirm your existence & your majesty! What kinda bowl are you anyway, sweetheart? A cereal bowl? An I’ll-eat-ramen-keto-be-damned kinda bowl that’s super deep & lets me soak my worries away? No matter what type of bowl you are, I wish for you to be seen & appreciated!!!
u/omggallout x 2 Thank you for the gorgeous watercolor floral card - such a stunning treat!!! I really like the artist’s talent in layering. I TOTALLY agree about the house thing - I feel the same way & wish we both had our dream houses now!! LOVE the gorgeous mint green crocheted butterfly - WOW!!! Your fine fiber arts skills are sooooo insanely impressive! Thank you for the stickers & the heartbreakingly adorable Winnie-the-Pooh postcard of Winnie gazing at himself in the mirror - I love it!!!! I really enjoyed the fun fact that the original Pooh was purchased at Harrods - I had no idea he was so flippin’ fancy!!! Wishing you a fabulously fancy spring & your dream home super soon, kind friend!
u/MarineWife0922 x 3 So sweet of you to think of me with my ADORABLE flair congrats card!!! It’s sooo cute & totally my style - I LOVE vintage kid illustrations!!! It’s gorgeous - I’d love to know where I can find cards in the same set please!!!! Thanks also for the *adorable* “Thinking of You” cards with the cute illustrated girl & flowers! I LOVE how you wrote so much you didn’t leave any white space in the cards hahaha! Thanks for sharing your fun personality & quirky thoughts with me! I loved hearing how dance has been therapeutic for you - that’s so beautiful. The blue raspberries bit - LMAO!
u/StrangeMailings Thank you for the awesome cryptic postcard with the fun mystery paint job & creepy cool sticker! So fun to see the strange get stranger & cooler by the card LOL!!
u/clashvalley Thank you for the sweet Night-Blooming Cereus card - and what a delight that there was no white space left with all your awesome words!!! Also love the sweet floral sticker, thank you!! I loved how much you taught me about faeries - wow, I knew nothing about them, & it was fascinating to learn! I’ll bet your essay is awesome & that the teacher loved your work. :) It made me giggle to learn about the faeries “who enjoy punishing humans” LOL!!! Wishing you only the pleasant faeries who gift you delicious custard creams & bless you!!!
u/StrawberryForestLady Thank you for the neat vintage cactus postcard & your kind thoughts - love the illustration. =) Wishing you a thorn-free spring!
u/ninajyang x 2 Thank you so much for the surprise birthday card with the beautiful gift of sweet stickers!!! I was so touched you thought of me. I wish I could describe the card more to sing its praises but I’m writing this from memory as I don’t have the card with me (apologies no pic of this one). You made me feel super loved with your encouraging words. I can only hope to inspire people as much as you have, darling soul!! Thank you for the cool In & Out retro illustrated ad postcard - I always stare adoringly at their retro pics in the restaurant! I also love the 8 billion fruity, vintage-y stamps you used!! =) Hope you’re having a sunny & sweet spring (more thank yous pending, Beautiful!)
u/LadyLili13 x 2 Thank you for the gorgeous pastel postcards with the cool 3D effect of clouds & the super pretty sky!!! I loved hearing about your passion for Pathfinder. I’ve never played it before but now you have me so curious! Hearing about the character wedding making your sweet “heart sing” was so touching!! I just adore your sentimental heart! The stickers you included - OMG to-die-for. The dilapidated teddy bear sticker is my absolute fave!!! Thank you so much for thinking of me, you’re always so thoughtful, Darlin’!! Wishing you lots of joy as you continue to play your games! =)
u/shipping_addict Thank you for the gorgeous Yoshida postcard with the awesome crunchy salad recipe. BTW I did not deface the beautiful card with the black marker - I want to kill USPS. I honestly don’t understand what the heck they’re doing. OMG this salad is so my style & reminds me of my Blueberry Brainiac salad (will share it asap). Can’t wait to try it!
u/scared_deerfox x 3 Your beautiful, bouncy energy came roaring through your sweet envelope!! Thanks for the adorable card of the smooching bunny & baby chick!!! The stickers you used to decorate the card are so adorable too. You are SO deep - loved the way you responded to the bunny carrot nightmare prompt! Wow. Loved the analogy you used of the clouds & the blue sky. So sweet!!! I hope your friends & family appreciate your super kind, compassionate nature. Also love the Finding Nemo card & all the precious stickers you included. The smiling stars are just little dolls! I also love the mesmerizing Pacman Nebula postcard with the Chat GPT response to the prompt - that was so fun & surprisingly normal LOL!! I appreciate your kindnesses & hope that you have the most splendid spring full of fabulous flowers!
u/Accomplished_Hope788 Thank you so much for the absolutely ADORABLE “You Make my Heart Beet” postcard of the illustrated beet & the pretty floral sticker! The card is so delightful - the happy vibes from you & the card are jumping out at me! I totally agree about Deja Vu - it’s totally an otherworldly experience & is both baffling & beautiful.
u/BlacksmithEquivalent x 2 Thank you so much for thinking of me with the beautiful birthday card with fun wishes & the San Diego postcard! Plllleaaaase no apologies for sending the wishes out late - in fact, it’s an awesome feeling to receive birthday greetings at random non-birthday days LOL! I really like the cute illustration of the turtle carrying the gifts. Adorable. Wow - I’ll bet living in super hip San Diego is a total treat. I wish I could leave my state for cooler weather & cooler things to do. Wishing you sunny serenity in San Diego!
u/KeenEvergreen Thank you for the ADORABLE Easter pickle card!!! Soooo insanely cute!!! It was fun to see a unique, bunny-less take on Easter lol! Love the stickers you used to decorate the envelope. It was also a sweet surprise to receive the Perennial seed mix - how neat, thank you! My niece will love using these this spring. =) Hope your spring is sweet & serene!
u/Kuddledeadgirl Thank you for having such a fun username which always makes me giggle hahaha! Thanks also for the lovely book recommendations on the scenic Michigan postcard! I highly recommend “A Gentleman in Moscow” by Amor Towles - he’s a brilliant writer. Wishing you happy reads!
u/cake-at-midnight Thank you for the sweet thank you card - it was my pleasure to think of you on your birthday! The donkey sanctuary sounds so cool & peaceful! LOVED your hand-drawn orange flowers on the envelope & your gorgeous calligraphy of my name!!! Thanks also for the awesome stickers - the mail-themed ones especially speak to my heart! Hope you have a blast at your next sanctuary visit. :)
u/retrorabbit79 Thank you for the hilarious bird insult postcard - “See you whenever the f%$& I come back to this sh#thole!” Hahaha, so appropriate to say to my dumb family! ;)
u/lunatenchi_ Thank you so much for the super inspiring handmade “You can influence the world” card! Lilac is one of my favorite colors! It’s so peaceful. You decorated the card with such fun stickers. =) I just love the kindness affirmations you shared! Here are a few affirmations for you on one of my fave topics, creativity. “I effortlessly connect with the universe's boundless inventiveness.” “Every day, creative energy runs through me.” “The universe's creativity manifests itself through me.” “Fresh ideas are constantly flowing to me. I am overflowing with creative energy.” Wishing you creativity in all its forms, sweet friend! Also love the Finding Nemo card & all the precious stickers you included. The smiling stars are just little dolls! I also love the mesmerizing Pacman Nebula postcard with the Chat GPT response to the prompt - that was so fun & surprisingly normal LOL!! I appreciate your kindnesses & hope that you have the most splendid spring full of fabulous flowers!
u/Chip-girl I’m so in love with this adorable, awesome homemade fabulous fruit card!!! Smiling fruit just makes my day!! Your art is so gorgeous - I’m so happy you sent it to me!!! I really like the creative way you cut out the border surrounding the fruit - this is such a neat way to make a card instantly fancy! And the way you wrote my address on the envelope is simply stunning - it’s insanely impressive! Hope you have a gorgeous spring!!
u/eccentric_bee x 2 THANKS A MILLION for this absolutely stunning, super beautiful watercolor robot art card!!!! LOVE all the colors & the beautiful quote you wrote. I also love the size - so perfect. Leave it to you & your incredible talent to bring a robot to life!!! The expression on his face is so amazingly human it seems like he just can’t be a machine & that he actually has a beating heart! That kind of skill takes such a brilliant artist!! Thanks also for the super soothing watercolor plant art card!! These cards make me so very happy. Thank you for thinking of me - these beauties are going straight into my art journal!! Wishing you lots of joy & peace as you continue your amazing art work!
u/Ohio_Geo HAHAHA thank you for the hilarious “F#%& off” card with the quirky cool stickers/memo sheets & the “F” word wood cut-out LOL I can’t wait to send it to a lucky friend!!! Love your sense of humor!! Hope you “F&$% off” too! ;)
u/specialist-chapter89 x 2 THIS GORGEOUS SHAKER BIRTHDAY CARD made my day!!!! THANK YOU!!! I'm so sorry I can't praise it more - long story but I don't have the card with me right now to thank you properly. I just recall it being a feast for the eyes - super pretty!! It really made my birthday so special to receive your warm sentiments & all the love you sent along with it!! I LOVE the handmade “Hello” card with the awesome quotes from Tusa- Karol G & Nicki Minaj & Flowers-Miley Cyrus! THANK YOU! I also love your elegant handwriting so much! Thanks also for the fun stickers!
u/loopyboops707 Thank you for the super cute homemade EasteSpring card! So much energy & positive vibes coming at me, thank you!!! Love all the scrapbooking bits & fun stickers you used to decorate the bright card! Thanks also for the lovely stickers you included. Wishing you a glorious, gorgeous spring, sweet friend!
u/GreetingCardShark x 2 Thank you for the cute birthday cake card & the sweet wishes - I so appreciate your lovely thoughts!! Thank you so much also for thinking of me with the sweet “Hooray” card in honor of my new flair! I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. I also learned a lot from your card about how to jazz up card decorations - the yellow highlighting trick is soooo neat! It really looks like you sent me fireworks - I just love the effect!!!
u/kimkimMRW x 2 Thank you for the beautiful Andy Warhol postcards!!!! The Campbell’s Soup card is absolutely awesome - I love the colors!! The decorative “Lotus” stamp you used is also lovely! The way you decorated the envelope with the fun stickers & banana-themed washi is also super cool. :) Hilarious “I know where you live” sticker - hahahaha!! Love it. Wishing you an artsy, awesome spring, kind friend.
u/GuestBathroom Hahaha love your quirky username & your amazing handwriting - it’s PERFECT! Thank you so much for the gorgeous vintage stamp postcard. I love the way you decorated the card with all the fun vintage stamps! I also enjoyed hearing about your affinity for the color purple - it’s such a soothing, elegant color. I love how that color is associated with royalty. Wishing you a sweet spring with perfectly purple flowers!
u/BirdieBennet x 2 This. GORGEOUS! STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL “Birthday Loops” birthday card is undoubtedly one of the G.O.A.T. cards in my collection! This card made me so insanely happy - the bright colors & the super sweet, jazzy illustration is the epitome of what I love in a card!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! I also went bonkers for the awesome, adorable kitty postcard to gift on -I just looove your taste in cards!!! Thank you also for the sweet stickers & cuuute memo sheets!! How you decorated the envelope with the pretty pastel washi tape & your perfect, pretty handwriting made me so happy too - you made my birthday insanely special, kind friend! Thank you for the super elegant “Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May” postcard - what a stunning illustration!!! I also like how the artist incorporated a mirror behind the subject - it adds such depth to the card. I loved hearing about how you laugh daily & your funny mom - of course she is so very proud of you!!! I also love the pretty pastel nature scene (I’m obsessed with this series) & desk scene postcards you included. I wish you endless laughter - here are some jokes for you. What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every day. Why was the fish’s grades bad? They were below sea level. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1 (hahaha I LOVE this one!!)
u/maiiiu Thank you so much for the jazzy homemade card - as always, your positivity & beautiful nature come blasting through this sweetie!! The beachy vibes are so soothing. =) Thanks also for the adorable stickers you sent - I really love the creative tip of pasting them into the card with washi tape! That’s a great way to ensure they’re not flying around everywhere!
u/lifesucks_F Thank you for the sweet homemade constellation card - I really love the color combo of purple & pink! And the joke is hilarious too!!! Here’s one for you. Why was Cinderella so bad at playing soccer? She kept running away from the ball. ;)
u/snerdboff x 2 Thanks for the adorable handmade ice cream “You are quite the beauty” card! What a pretty chandelier on that scrapbooking paper. :) This fun card is a great example for me to use the next time I use scrapbooking paper as a card base. So elegant & I love the way you made it a flip from the top card. =) Thanks also for the handmade food truck themed card - it’s so fun!! Mmmmm, hot dogs & soda are always fun no matter the season. You did a great job using up all your leftover scrapbooking bits. :) Wishing you a sweet spring!
u/morenoodles Thank you for the Burbank postcard with the delicious carb conversation LOL! You have amazing taste in carbs, fine friend. If you’re into buttery flaky crusts, I highly suggest the Portuguese flaky-crusted treat “Pastel De Nata” - ever tried them? TO DIE FOR!!!! I became hooked on them in Portugal & although the ones at Trader Joe’s (marketed as “Portuguese Custard Tarts”) don’t compare, they are definitely delicious & I recommend them! Wishing you the creamiest of carbs!!
u/draftyelectrolyte Thanks for the neat-o Maine postcard with the lovely illustrations which REALLY makes me wanna come check out Maine asap! I also love the Jamie Wyeth quote you included. I’ve always been intrigued by Maine from everything I’ve heard & especially when authors write about it. So I appreciate the inspiration & your kindness! Wishing you beautiful balmy breezes this spring!
u/56Thorns x 2 Thank you for the “awwwww” inducing illustrated kitty cards!!! Sooooooo mindblowingly cuuuuute! The kitty wedding card is just…so cute it hurts!!! I love the whimsical style & fun colors for the card. The surprise bonus postcard of the kitty lounging in the potted plant is hilarious & super sweet! I love your taste in art. =) Thanks also for the big beautiful kitty sticker & the kitty-themed party napkin - so festive!!! Wishing you lots of joy & peace this spring, kind soul!
u/fancykiddens x 2 My fancy fine fabulous friend!!!! Thank you for the ***literally sweet*** Candy Heaven postcard - love the stickers you used to decorate!!! And I love your sweet handwriting! How sweet you are is apparent from this card! Thank you for the cuuuute doggie card with all the cute stickers!!! I LOVE your handwriting!!! Most of all, I love your constant positivity - I actually feel those rays of sunshine you’re bouncing to me all the way from your sunny state!!! Sending lots of love (and a promise to catch up asap).
u/on1omaniac Thank you for the adorable “Star meets little prince” postcard with your gorgeous handwriting! Your penmanship is soooo nice & even - how do you do it?!??!? It’s art!!! I also love the “Bear Mail” stamp you used. Adorable. And what a huge heart you have, sacrificing your alien love for all your loved ones! Wishing you a spring full of limitless (human haha) love!!
u/RitaAlbertson Thank you for the adorable handmade zebra-themed birthday card & your kind wishes!! Soooo cute! I appreciate you thinking of me on my big day. :) Wishing you a fabulous spring!
u/championvilla Thank you so much for the cool Carlsbad Caverns National Park postcard in honor of my birthday! Love the Alice in Wonderland rabbit sticker you used for the birthday proclamation - so clever & cute! I really appreciate you thinking of me on my birthday - thanks again!!! =) Wishing you a super spring!
u/RideThatBridge Thank you for the adorable vintage Easter postcard! And OMG this joke is AWESOME!!! “What do you call a Zen egg? An OMMMMMMM LET.” Hahahaha!!! Thank you for the sweet card & the awesome laugh!!! I also love the bunny-themed washi in fun colors & the bunny sticker you used. Hope you’re having a syrupy sweet spring, sweet friend (so many more thank-yous due, sweetcakes - posted about my drama in meta).
u/melhen16 Thank you for the pretty pastel Earth Day postcard with your kind wishes & the fun stickers!

The Great Hall stood tall against the cloudy day, expelling white smoke from the multiple chimneys on its thatched roof. The outer walls made of a dark gray stone and the overall brutalistic style of the building, gave the Great Hall a certain ‘Big Bad Evil Guy’s lair’ vibe. Upon further inspection, I noticed traces of mana weaved in between the stone which made me wonder if the whole building had some sort of protecting enchantment in place. It made sense considering the whole town was a bastion between the Farlands and the Ebros Kingdom.
Despite my initial assessment of the city, Farcrest’s marketplace flourished all around me. Food, weapons, tools, all kinds of crafting ingredients. No matter what direction I looked I found new things to identify. Other than the abandoned northern district, the city looked like a bustling trade center.
I continued walking through the street market towards the Great Hall.
Red banners with the Marquis crest, a man killing a wolf with a lance, hung from the inner walls. The gate was guarded by a small contingent of soldiers dressed in shiny armor and armed with long albarests. I was tempted to use [Identify] on them but remembering Elincia’s reaction, I refrained from doing it. I didn’t want problems before even starting my life in this world.
As I reached the closed gate, a guard blocked my path.
“What is your business in the Marquis’s Great Hall?” The guardsman asked, glancing at me with unfriendly eyes. The man inspected my appearance from head to toe and he didn’t seem to like what he was seeing. My clothing was humble to say the least.
“My name is Robert Clarke, Scholar from the City of Light. I’m here for a passage permit into the Kingdom of Ebros.” I said with a haughty voice. A good teacher was, in essence, a good actor, and I took pride in my classroom management.
As expected, my words seemed to pique the guard’s interest.
“Farcrest isn’t a border town, Scholar. How did you even enter the kingdom?”
The guard was unsure if he was really talking to a commoner or someone of high birth. Or maybe he thought I was a high level individual? It made sense that people with higher levels looked down on the weaker.
Considering Elincia’s reaction to the story about the teletransportation, I decided to continue with the same lie. If I had to guess, portals weren’t all strange in this world.
“A magic accident teleported me into the Farlands. There I was picked up by an Alchemist harvesting ingredients who brought me here to Farcrest.” I explained with a serious tone.
“Should’ve said that from the very beginning… sir. Portal magic is no joke.” He stuttered.
The guard swallowed the story.
“It is not.” I nodded.
The guard must’ve assumed I was the one responsible for the portal incident because his demeanor changed instantly. If I had to guess, portal magic was a high level technique.
“This way, sir.” The guardsman said, guiding me through a lateral door at the base of the wall and into a narrow and dark corridor. As much as I wanted to enter through the main gates, I assumed it wasn’t worth opening it for a single person.
We emerged into a cobbled courtyard by the side of the Great Hall where a small army of workers unloaded carts with crated goods under the attentive glance of an overseer. Regrettably, I couldn’t tell what was inside the heavy boxes.
“Trade seems to be healthy considering Farcrest is a frontier town.” I pointed out in a vain attempt to make the guard talk.
“It’s been that way for a while now.” He sparsely replied as we walked to a wooden building attached to the Great Hall. Outside the building, an angry middle aged woman dressed in a gambeson with the Marquis emblem was training a group of fresh recruits who barely knew how to hold a sword. The kids couldn’t be much older than Zaon.
Instead of walking towards the building, we approached the training group.
The soldier saluted and the woman knight raised her hand, stopping the frenetic swinging of the recruits. Her eyes were of a stark gray color and her lips were a fine line under her aquiline nose. Her skin was tanned and covered in small scars of a hundred battles. [Awareness] told me she was the don’t-fuck-with-me type.
“Captain, this man says he arrived at Farcrest via failed teleportation.” The soldier explained my situation.
“Another one?! I can’t believe this is the second time this year.” The Captain chastised the soldier as if it was his personal fault. Then, she turned around to face me. She was taller than me and her rolled up sleeves not only revealed lean and bulking muscles but a skin covered in scars. Those weren’t fashionable superficial scars but ones which distorted the skin and muscle.
“Tell me you are not from the Ansan Kingdom. It will cost us a small fortune to send you back.” The Captain said.
I understood that was my cue to speak.
“My name is Robert Clarke, a Scholar, and you don’t need to send me back to my homeland, Captain. I am more interested in traveling to the Imperial Library than returning.” I said with a small bow.
“I’m Captain Izabeka Kiln, leader of the city guard. I like you already, Scholar. People who complicate things are too common in these places.” The captain left the bundle of parchment and walked around the table to inspect me closely.
I made a mental note to not complicate things in front of the woman.
“Come on.” The captain left the group of disoriented recruits behind and walked towards the Great Hall. “We have to ensure you don’t have any suspicious hidden titles before giving you your passage permit.”
“Hidden titles?” I asked with a tremble in my voice.
“You have not been in a System Shrine before?” The Captain looked over her shoulder and gave me a confused glance.
I shook my head. Hidden titles could mean two things; there was a method to hide one’s titles from being identified or there were titles that could only be unlocked at a System Shrine. The second option made sense considering the lack of progress my class had even after twelve levels.
“I warn you, Robert Clarke, I’m a level fifty seven Knight, if you do try anything stupid I’ll crush your spine before you could even blink.” The captain said before addressing the guard who had guided me there. “You, maggot, look after the Scholar’s belongings. He is my guest.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The soldier said, extending his hand to me.
I gave him my backpack and nobody questioned the suspicious wooden shotgun butt protruding out. I felt naked without my weapon, however, the shells were safe inside my pocket.
“You don’t have a suspicious title do you?” The captain asked as we entered a beautifully adorned corridor with painted murals and ornamental banners hanging from the ceiling. The decoration was surprisingly tasteful.
I swallowed hard.
“I don’t think so?” I replied, remembering what Elincia had told me about locked titles.
We walked in silence through a carpeted corridor. The brass-framed windows reached the high ceiling and gave us a wide view of the interior gardens. There was a bush maze, fountains and clumps of all kinds of flowers.
We reached a glass door to a crowded balcony and the captain signaled the guards to let us through. On the balcony there were men and women dressed in expensive suits and dresses of vibrant colors. Broad rings of gold and precious stones adorned the noble’s hands while the women flaunted beautiful necklaces and earrings. If the Marquis was there, he was hidden among the crowd.
Captain Kiln took me to the side of the balcony, far from the noble clump and pointed down to the garden. Two men dressed in fencing attire were standing at opposite sides of the garden while the squires helped them with their padded jackets. In the middle of the fighting area an old man with braided hair and stern look acted as the referee.
“Have you witnessed a judiciary duel before?” The captain asked.
I shook my head.
“Then it’s your lucky day, Scholar. Sir Janus insulted Baronette Tirno during the last feast.” Captain Kiln said with a lupine smile.
“What did Sir Janus say?” I inquired.
“Janus said Tirno’s lovers during their days in the Ebros Knights Academy looked just like his mother.” Captain Kiln let out a tired sigh.
I glanced down at the dueling area. Baronette Tirno was a tall and slender young man of blonde curls and piercing looks. He wore a blue and black jacket with a crest similar to the Marquis symbol, so I assumed he might be related to the Marquis. Tirno moved with ease under the padded jacket and made a flourish with his rapier before blowing a kiss to the balcony. The gesture was answered by a wave of giggles and sighs.
For someone with a soiled honor, he was enjoying the moment.
Sir Janus, on the other hand, was a brutish looking man with the physique of a beer barrel. An unkempt bristly black beard covered his face and his small black eyes resembled the ones from a pig. Janus looked more like a well-armed murder hobo than a knight.
“Tirno has the reach advantage.” I said as the squire handed the rapiers to Janus.
“Good, you can use your eyes.” Captain Kiln said and I wondered if every woman had a similar level of sass in this world.
The referee, an old man dressed in a white and yellow tunic, stood at the center of the arena and cast a spell creating a golden dome of twenty meters in diameter. A second later the dome became translucent, barely blocking the view of the duelists.
“He’s a Fortifier. Any skill used inside the area of the bubble should stay inside instead of killing you. Well, none of them have magic classes but with high level combatants any extra precaution is welcome.” Captain Kiln explained.
Down inside the bubble, Tirno and Janus walked five paces away from the center, turned around, and saluted with the rapiers. Then, they adopted a fighting position I wasn’t completely familiarized with. It seemed they were going to start sprinting instead of fencing.
A sudden gust of wind rose, kicking up a dust cloud, and Tirno disappeared just to reappear by Janus’ flank. I gasped. Had he used a skill or was it his natural speed? Janus raised his sword and parried just in time. Then I noticed my mouth was wide open.
“Want to bet?” Captain Kiln asked with an entertained expression on her face.
“I don’t have money or valuables other than a quarter cheese wheel.” I babbled back, too entranced with the fight to pay attention to the woman.
The captain slid a silver coin down the railing and left it in front of me. I recognized a gambling addict that shouldn’t be gambling when I saw one. I glanced at the coin and then I looked down at the arena. The duelists were still testing each other. Baronette Tirno had an elegant style with quick transitions and nimble footwork. Sir Janus, on the other hand, stood like a heavy boulder in the middle of the yard.
“Two silver coins and I will tell you exactly how Lord Tirno is going to lose.” I said with a taunting smile.
The captain’s interest was piqued and soon after there were two silver coins in front of me and another two in front of the woman.
“I love to fleece know-it-all Scholars.” The captain said despite the fact she was betting against her own money.
I ignored the banter and focused on the duel. After the initial explosion of speed things had slowed down. Still, they moved faster than any HEMA practitioner or olympic fencer I had seen in my life.
I remembered Zaon talking about class growth. It wasn’t a surprise that the kid was apprehensive of becoming a Soldier when there were classes that could move like those two men. Not even with my Lv.5 [Swordsmanship] was enough to reach those speeds.
[Awareness] filled my brain with information. Tirno fought with deliberately elegant movements trying to find an opening on the opponent’s defense while Janus adopted a style similar to what I knew; he tried to control Tirno’s sword and deliver a strike without jeopardizing his own safety.
“Sir Janus is going to end the fight by stabbing the Baronette in the hand.” I calmly said, channeling all my fencing knowledge. Judicial fencing wasn’t about killing your opponent, although it happened frequently, but about incapacitating it before it could harm you.
“Alright, I’m going for Tirno.” The Captain said.
The balcony was in complete silence. Rapiers clashed, but none managed to control the weak of the opponent's blade to create an opening. The amount of stamina both men displayed was astounding, even compared to top tier athletes from Earth. If I were to train for a hundred years I could hardly reach their levels of speed and coordination.
Suddenly Lord Tirno put aside all attempts of defending and lunged forward, aiming at the center of Sir Janus’ chest. Sir Janus stepped back with a nimbleness uncharacteristic of a man of his span. To get away from Tirno’s blade, Janus raised both arms and pulled back his body. In that awkward position, Sir Janus counterattacked with a downward stab aimed at Lord Tirno’s hand and withdrew from the engagement to avoid Tirno’s afterblow.
However, the afterblow didn’t come. Lord Tirno’s sword fell to the ground as the man bursted out cursing. As he retreated to his side of the arena, I caught a glimpse of bright blood flowing from his right hand.
New word learned!
Words learned: 3,001/215,000
Rank: Talkative Teenager
I made a mental note to not mention that word in front of children.
“I lost.” Captain Kiln sighed, bringing me back to the present.
“Not yet, he’s going to continue. Look.” I replied as Lord Tirno’s aid bandaged the wounded hand. The noble man snapped at the squire to hurry up but no matter how much bandages he applied, they quickly soaked in more blood. Suddenly, sick of waiting, Lord Tirno pushed his squire back and retrieved the sword.
“It’s over.” Captain Kiln sighed again.
Down in the garden, Sir Janus repeatedly hit Tirno’s blade until it slipped from his bloody hand. Then Janus prompted his rival to retrieve his sword just to repeat the process. Three times Tirno raised his sword and three times Janus slapped it from his hand.
“What a shitshow.” Captain Kiln grunted just as Sir Janus disarmed Lord Tirno for the last time and chased him across the garden hitting the Baronette’s legs with the rapier’s flat side until he found shelter inside the Great Hall.
Sir Janus took a bow towards the balcony and threw his sword in the squire’s direction. The Captain slid four silver coins to my side of the handrail.
“Better spanked than dead.” I pointed out, pocketing the coins with a winning smile on my face.
“Sir Janus is a lowborn who reached knighthood because he was accepted in the Ebros Knights Academy. His position in the court is frail and yet he acts like an idiot.”
The squires cleared the garden and the nobles who had been observing the duel started vacating the balcony. I learned a couple more insults from overhearing their conversation, some of the nobles were fuming and I pictured them plotting against Sir Janus in the near future. A hurt noble’s ego was dangerous in this world or the other.
“Abei!” The captain suddenly called.
An old robbed man emerged from the group, clearly annoyed by the interruption.
“What is it, captain?”
The man had a shining bald head and a majestically bushy beard. Unlike the young man from the tower, Abei didn’t look like a cheap street magician but a full fledged sage.
“We have one of those portal hoppers. A Scholar.” Captain Kiln announced. “I thought you would be interested.”
In a single sentence, Abei’s face was cleared of all irritation. The old man made his way through the balcony with an eager stride and, unlike the captain, didn’t bother to measure me up with his eyes. Instead he jumped directly to the questions.
“Where are you from and how did you get here, young man?” Abei struck me like the kind of person who would look into a loaded shotgun’s barrel to satiate his curiosity.
“I’m Robert Clarke, humble servant of the City of Light. I arrived here due to a teletransportation accident.” I introduced myself, already expecting what will come next. The questioning.
“The City of Light? Never heard of that place.” Abei stroked his beard and looked around searching for an encyclopedia just to remember he was outdoors.
“And I never heard of Farcrest until I popped out here.” I replied with a shrug.
Abei nodded, understanding my predicament.
“You don’t seem to be scared for someone so far from home.” The man looked me directly in the eye. I was slowly getting used to being questioned.
“Three days in the Farlands is a hell of a cure for fear.” I replied.
The Captain gave me an approving nod. People of this world trusted too much in the System and too little in the common sense.
“Why am I being treated with such deference? I'm nobody after all.” I asked, eliciting a jolly laugh from the old man and I braced myself for a long story.
“People who are exposed to teletransportation spells usually are wealthy, noble or high level, so it's only logical to protect such individuals when the integrity of the kingdoms depends on them.” Abei explained. “Anyway, we need noble witnesses to grant you the permit. Let’s go to the audience room.” The man added as he invited me through the glass door into the Great Hall.
Before I could cross the doorway, Captain Kiln grabbed my arm and stopped me.
“Just don’t do anything stupid and things will go well. Understood?” The woman asked with a stern voice.
“Understood.” I replied, knowing perfectly well that doing stupid things, like jumping heads on into a dangerous world full of magic creatures, was exactly my specialty.
____________
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Demographic: White/Asian male, 100k income, divorced parents (don’t know if that means anything), private school in a small rural town in Texas (1hr drive outside of Houston), immigrant from Singapore
Major: Computer Engineering, Computer Science
SAT: 1490 (790 math, 700 reading) I'm trying to improve EVBRW before my application for a 1500+
GPA: 5.04/6 (5 point weighted scale), No class rank, My grades improved significantly this year (A+ average now instead of A-)
Classes: 6 AP's (All my school offers), 6 Dual Credit classes, 11 Honors/Pre-AP
AP Physics 1: 5
APUSH: 5
AP Lang: 5
EC's: Harvard CS50
Varsity Golf-2x state Champions
TCU Data Analytics summer camp
SCUBA Diving (Certified Rescue Diver)
100+ volunteer hours (Houston Food Bank, mission trip to Puerto Rico, local churches)
Creating a website this summer for my mom’s company
Independent Study for AP Calc AB and Chinese
Math tutor
Note: My school doesn't offer clubs/teams, only ~35 students in my grade, semi fluent in Spanish
Awards: Small town/rural national merit recognition
5th Place in TAPPS 3A Science competition
2x State golf champions (team)
Physics Student of the Year at my school
Essays: Writing about my move to the US from Singapore and my love for math

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The Port of Meow. Tristan thought he wouldn’t be surprised by the world’s naming conventions after he’d heard terms like ‘Myana,’ and ‘Onyans,’ but this one struck him as funny. Maybe it was the lack of sleep from their conditions on the boat. Every time one of the girls said it, he laughed.
“There are so many people,” Destiny murmured as they entered the port city. “And all the buildings are so close together!”
Lara inhaled a deep breath. “Wind brings so many flavors with her. I have never smelled so many spices.” She pointed at one building, then the next, then a third. “Earth is the ruler here. Each one of these structures begins and ends with him.”
It really was incredible. The strips of buildings carried a spirit of older Chinese architecture, using a bilateral symmetry that stemmed from one focal structure into secondary components on either side—like wings on a giant bird. He was fascinated in middle school by Asian and Middle-Eastern design, and to see it dominating an entire island in a completely different world was mind-boggling.
Such an intricate, elegant city. Called the Port of Meow.
Tristan laughed.
Destiny gently touched his forehead with the back of her hand. “Tristan? Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes, sorry. I’m fine. Just tired.” Her skin felt cool against his. “I guess I did laugh at a weird time, huh?”
Destiny chewed her lip. “It isn’t just that. You’re very pale.”
Lara bent her knees and looked into his face. “My sister is correct, Young Master. I would advise we find a place to rest.”
A sure hand clapped him on his shoulder. Matt was suddenly beside him, his Party at his side. “Ready to get something to eat?”
Tristan’s chest tightened, and he licked his lips. He suddenly felt very dizzy. “C-could you show us where to stay? I’m not feeling well.”
Cannoli danced to his side, her hands deep inside her [Cat Pack]. “Poor Tristan! I may have a potion! Let me look!”
“That’s sweet of you, Cannoli, but we’ll take care of him,” Destiny said, favoring Tristan with a worried glance. “If we need anything, I’ll let you know.”
“The Spider Lily’s this way.” Ravyn grabbed Matt’s arm and tugged him away from Tristan. “Don’t crowd Tristan. He looks like he’s about to faint.”
Thanks, Ravyn.
Destiny hooked her arm through Tristan’s, and Lara copied on his opposite side. They made their way through the crowds together, drawing the eyes of almost every catgirl they passed.
The port was bustling with activity. Sailors and merchants loaded boats on the multitude of docks while vendors in tents hawked last-minute travel supplies and whatever ‘San Specials’ were. In the sprawling wings on either side of the center building, there were small restaurants, shops, an armorer, and a tailor. Excited murmurs and laughter echoed from all angles, making it hard to hear one another as they fought through the throngs.
It was nothing like Venicia.
It turned out the Spider Lily was the center building. An expansive inn lit by dozens of paper lanterns, with metal gates forged by geometric patterns. Opaque windows mirrored the gates’ rectangular motif, flecked with golden embellishments and pieces of colored glass.
Ravyn led them inside. Incense burned on a polished podium, and they were greeted by a pair of young women in high-collared dresses, their dark hair tied away from their faces.
“Welcome to the Spider Lily,” the woman in red said, bowing deeply. “You are Cailu’s companions, are you not?”
Ravyn made a sound between choking and gagging.
“You could say that,” Matt replied before Tristan could say anything. He nudged Ravyn with his elbow and offered a wry smile.
“Very good. I am Ayu, and this is Nalee. Your rooms will be free for the duration of your stay,” Ayu, the woman in blue, announced, copying her companion’s bow. “There are two suites on the second floor; one for each of you.”
Tristan exchanged a confused glance with Matt.
“Just two?” Keke asked first.
“Yes, miss. You will find four beds in each suite, as well as a full-service washroom. Is this not to your liking?” Nalee tilted her head to the side. “Perhaps we can find something more suitable?”
“No, that’s perfect. Thank you very much,” Tristan said with a wave of his hand. “It’s more than enough.”
“Excellent, sir. We have stationed Kaori and Ratu on the floor as well. They will retrieve anything you require. Food, drinks, travel necessities, you need only say the word, and they will bring it to you,” Ayu continued. “Should they fail to meet your needs, Nalee and I will both see this rectified.”
“Pardon me, miss, but how will charges for these items be collected?” Ceres asked.
“Cailu has assured us that he will settle your tab,” Nalee said. “It is not yours to bear.”
Tristan heard Cannoli mutter to Keke, “We can order anything?”
Keke nodded.
Cannoli took Buttons from her shoulder and looked at him excitedly. “We can get you so many peanuts!”
Ravyn cackled. That was the laugh of a girl with dad’s metal credit card in her wallet.
“We will not cause Sir Cailu to regret this generosity,” Ceres replied with a deep bow and pointed glare at Ravyn. “It is a great kindness, and we thank you.”
“I just need some water,” Tristan said, leaning his head against Lara’s shoulder.
Destiny raised her hand. “Can we please get our key? We would like to go up now.”
“Of course, miss.” Nalee retrieved a key on a delicate chain from behind the podium and handed it to Destiny. “Please enjoy your stay.”
“Why don’t we head off to the Golden Dragon first?” Matt suggested to his Party. “We can come back and check on them after.”
Ravyn gawked. “Did you not hear what the lady just said?”
“I did. And I’m with Ceres on this one. Come on.” Matt waved his group outside.
“Baka!”
Keke laughed as they filtered through the door.
“Let us go upstairs,” Lara said, squeezing Tristan’s arm.
“Yeah. Good idea.”
Destiny and Lara guided him up the two flights to the second floor, and Tristan’s vertigo grew worse. It was like a combination of seasickness and stepping off the teacup ride at an amusement park. The world would just not stop moving.
“Hello, sir. My name is Kaori.” A green-haired girl bowed in the hallway of the second floor.
“And I’m Ratu. Just let us know if you need anything at all.” A head of short blonde hair ducked deep with her bow.
“Thank you both,” Tristan replied, unsure if he had the energy for proper introductions.
Destiny unlocked the door to their room and pushed it open. The dark hallway gave way to a room of colorful screens and vibrant tapestries. The single room was bigger than the apartment Tristan grew up in—each bed could fit three people without an issue.
As soon as they were inside, Destiny knelt to help Tristan take off his boots.
“Y-you don’t have to do that,” Tristan said, embarrassment burning into his face.
“I want to,” Destiny said, continuing to untie the laces.
Lara moved to one of the beds, turning down the blankets with expert precision. The sheets fell with perfect symmetry, the rectangles laying parallel to the headboard. She smoothed the bottom layer and stepped back, looking expectantly at Tristan.
“Girls—” he began.
“Please. Let us use all of this etiquette training.” Destiny laughed, sliding the second boot from Tristan’s foot. “We can’t let Kaori and Ratu show us up.”
“Alright,” he relented. “Just this once.”
Destiny took his hand and led him to the bed.
He stared at the freshly pressed white sheet for a long time. “Will you two join me?”
Destiny’s eyes widened, and she hissed in a tiny breath.
Lara took his hand in both of hers, her airy voice taking on a tone of concern. “Young master, your current physical state will not allow you to perform—”
“That’s not what I mean,” he cut her off, a little harsher than he meant to. “I’m sorry. What I meant was… I just want to be close to you right now.”
“Of course, Tristan,” Destiny replied softly. “Here, lie down.”
They situated him in the middle of the bed, making sure his feet were under the blankets and tucking him to the waist. Lara was the first to slide under the covers, wiggling her way to Tristan’s right side. He hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her close until her head rested on his shoulder.
“You are very warm,” she noted.
“And you’re very soft.” Tristan chuckled. “Destiny?”
Destiny turned multiple shades of red. She held her hands tightly clasped in front of her apron, her gaze never resting on one place. “I-I’m sorry. Is this really okay?”
“Yes,” he said, holding a hand out toward her. “Please?”
Destiny nodded and lifted the covers with care. One leg pressed beneath, then the other. She shifted forward, taking Tristan’s hand and letting him guide her to his side. With a slow exhale, she relaxed against him, trapping his left thigh between her legs.
“You’re soft, too,” Destiny whispered, wrapping her tail around his ankle.
“And you’re wonderful,” Tristan murmured. “Both of you are.” He yawned and closed his eyes, already feeling the warm descent into sleep.
On a foreign island, in a stranger’s bed, Tristan felt more at home than he ever had in Nyarlea.
​
Destiny Pro Tip: I can't wait to try the food! And we can eat it in our room like a picnic! Oh! Shhh, he's sleeping.
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