Catholic church broken arrow ok
Roman Catholics
2015.10.23 02:57 PaedragGaidin Roman Catholics
An encouraging and supportive community for Catholics and people of good will seeking to grow closer to Jesus Christ.
2014.07.23 16:18 Reddit on Catholicism
A sub for interesting archived discussions around reddit about Catholicism that are NOT from the reddit Cathol-o-sphere.
2017.05.12 19:18 nougatycenter Stories of spiritual abuse, and resources to help restore relationship with God
This is a place of healing for those who have suffered abuse (or question whether they have). This site is designed to provide an anonymous place to share experiences, pray for each other and recognize abusive patterns and toxic environments in the church.
2023.05.29 03:27 Puzzleheaded_Art7571 Canadian Woman Looking for Advice About Meeting Algerian Man Coming to Visit
I (31 year old white female) am from Canada and have been talking to a 27 year old Algerian male online for 3 years. We mostly chat by message but have done video calls as well. We have developed an emotional bond and have romantic interest in one another, however we need to meet in person to see if we should move forward with the relationship.
He has been able to obtain a Canadian visitor visa and will be arriving in a few months. He has a sister with husband and 2 children who already live in Montreal. He plans to spend the first few days visiting them and then he and myself will meet and spend time together to determine if we are a good match. I live in a city outside of Montreal.
I have always felt his intentions for wanting to meet me and have a relationship with me were pure and not a means to an end for a better life or to obtain citizenship. Probably deep down he is excited about the prospect of having a better life if we were to marry and he stays in Canada, but I am ok with that and feel he also genuinely cares for me. We discussed this at length in the beginning because I was a little paranoid about his intentions, but he has earned my trust by being very honest and willing to answer all of my questions. He has never pressured me about anything or asked for money etc.
He is paying his way here, however I have offered to help out with hotel cost as I make decent money compared to him and it will not be burdensome for me. He would like to come spend some time in my city while we get to know each other , however he is Muslim and has made it clear we cannot be physically intimate outside of marriage and that staying at my apartment would not be permitted, therefore I feel the least I can do is help with his accommodations to some degree.
He has been clear that the next step for him would be marriage. I feel that I need to get to know him in person before I’ll know if I’m interested in marriage and have also been clear about that.
As well, he has explained that he expects his wife to dress modestly/respectfully (ie. no bikini or short shorts) but would not require her to cover her hair if she doesn’t want to. I am Catholic and he is ok with me attending church if we were to marry. He would expect any children to be raised Muslim. He would not be ok with his wife drinking or smoking , or eating non halal meats.
His family does not know about me as relationships outside of marriage are not permitted in his culture. He plans to tell them about me if we become engaged. He lives with his parents so video calls can only happen when they are not home. My family and friends also do not know as I don’t feel they would understand until we’ve met in person and am naturally a private person until a serious relationship is for sure.
He is decent texting, speaking and understanding English and communicating has never been an issue. His English has greatly improved over the three years we’ve been in contact. He is fluent in French and Arabic.
I have a few questions that I am hoping Algerian nationals can answer for me, and specifically Algerian women, in preparation for meeting this man.
1) What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you have any concerns you think I need to be aware of regarding the situation in its entirety ?
2) What is life like for a woman married to an Algerian man? Of course he tells me what a marriage with him would be like from his perspective and expectations - but I am wondering if any Algerian women could provide insight from their perspective and experiences ?
3) If we were to marry - what might I need to be aware of/know about raising Algerian Muslim children?
4) If married, what would travel to Algeria be like for me as a white western woman?
5) His sister has not offered him to stay with her while visiting Montreal, she lives in a small 2 bedroom apartment and says there is not enough room. He will stay in a hotel, I have offered to help pay some. Is this weird? Asking because my therapist felt it was odd that his family wouldn’t be more accommodating given that he does not have a ton of extra money and is travelling all the way from Algeria. My therapist also felt was odd his sister isn’t sponsoring him to come over more permanently as this is his wish - he says siblings cannot be sponsored, only parents spouses and children.
Any insight is appreciated! Thanks
submitted by Puzzleheaded_Art7571 to algeria [link] [comments]
He has been able to obtain a Canadian visitor visa and will be arriving in a few months. He has a sister with husband and 2 children who already live in Montreal. He plans to spend the first few days visiting them and then he and myself will meet and spend time together to determine if we are a good match. I live in a city outside of Montreal.
I have always felt his intentions for wanting to meet me and have a relationship with me were pure and not a means to an end for a better life or to obtain citizenship. Probably deep down he is excited about the prospect of having a better life if we were to marry and he stays in Canada, but I am ok with that and feel he also genuinely cares for me. We discussed this at length in the beginning because I was a little paranoid about his intentions, but he has earned my trust by being very honest and willing to answer all of my questions. He has never pressured me about anything or asked for money etc.
He is paying his way here, however I have offered to help out with hotel cost as I make decent money compared to him and it will not be burdensome for me. He would like to come spend some time in my city while we get to know each other , however he is Muslim and has made it clear we cannot be physically intimate outside of marriage and that staying at my apartment would not be permitted, therefore I feel the least I can do is help with his accommodations to some degree.
He has been clear that the next step for him would be marriage. I feel that I need to get to know him in person before I’ll know if I’m interested in marriage and have also been clear about that.
As well, he has explained that he expects his wife to dress modestly/respectfully (ie. no bikini or short shorts) but would not require her to cover her hair if she doesn’t want to. I am Catholic and he is ok with me attending church if we were to marry. He would expect any children to be raised Muslim. He would not be ok with his wife drinking or smoking , or eating non halal meats.
His family does not know about me as relationships outside of marriage are not permitted in his culture. He plans to tell them about me if we become engaged. He lives with his parents so video calls can only happen when they are not home. My family and friends also do not know as I don’t feel they would understand until we’ve met in person and am naturally a private person until a serious relationship is for sure.
He is decent texting, speaking and understanding English and communicating has never been an issue. His English has greatly improved over the three years we’ve been in contact. He is fluent in French and Arabic.
I have a few questions that I am hoping Algerian nationals can answer for me, and specifically Algerian women, in preparation for meeting this man.
1) What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you have any concerns you think I need to be aware of regarding the situation in its entirety ?
2) What is life like for a woman married to an Algerian man? Of course he tells me what a marriage with him would be like from his perspective and expectations - but I am wondering if any Algerian women could provide insight from their perspective and experiences ?
3) If we were to marry - what might I need to be aware of/know about raising Algerian Muslim children?
4) If married, what would travel to Algeria be like for me as a white western woman?
5) His sister has not offered him to stay with her while visiting Montreal, she lives in a small 2 bedroom apartment and says there is not enough room. He will stay in a hotel, I have offered to help pay some. Is this weird? Asking because my therapist felt it was odd that his family wouldn’t be more accommodating given that he does not have a ton of extra money and is travelling all the way from Algeria. My therapist also felt was odd his sister isn’t sponsoring him to come over more permanently as this is his wish - he says siblings cannot be sponsored, only parents spouses and children.
Any insight is appreciated! Thanks
2023.05.29 03:25 Juggler_81 Anger outbursts
I'm in my early 40s but this post may make me sound like a f**king child so bear with me. Every so often seems like every 2 weeks or sometimes less I go absolutely beserk and boot my chair around my room, spend half the day cursing and then repent to God (as I'm 'religious') and then just do the same fcuking thing all over again often immediately after repenting. Normally something of mine gets broken in the process too.
It's sometimes linked with seeing my elderly parents who are incredibly controlling and smothering but always well intentioned in their stifling control. I am from a large family but honestly my parents are so out of touch that it's not worth trying to explain myself to them they are just too infuriating.
Any attempt to be truly honest with them would be met with a response that would almost certainly make me even more angry either because it will literally go in one ear and out of the other i.e my 'feelings' would be almost completely ignored or minimised or would be taken as a personal insult by my dad. Something odd would happen as it has in the past so I just don't bother anyway, so real communication with them would be a hypothetical ideal but it is truly not a path I wish to go down. I know I will regret it when they pass on but I will regret what our relationship should have been not actually avoiding them. I'm not sure I will regret avoiding them because every single time I see them out of duty they just act in a way that drives me nuts and then dad practically demanded I see them at least every two weeks several months ago. It was easier to just nod and then not do as he demanded rather than to say 'No' and explain why which is a much harder proposition
So my anger is linked with my non relationship with the parents but it's not just that. I live with OCD and a few other health issues which just drive me absolutely nuts. Maybe some of this is just fucking frustration. Anyway when I feel like this I skip church which I had a reasonable intention of going to before the anger at God kicked in so today didn't feel like a Sunday.
It's Jekyll and Hyde and it leaves me wondering what I actually do believe and wether my identity is in flux
I know I have to do inner work, I've seen counsellors for years and years although none for awhile due to the prohibitive cost. The counselling seemed like a complete waste of time in terms of long term change but maybe I never did the work at home.
So I'm pretty self aware but that isn't helping me. I do journal but probably not in an optimal way
I'm not sure what anyone can say that I haven't already heard or thought of but hey fire away anyway:
submitted by Juggler_81 to Anger [link] [comments]
It's sometimes linked with seeing my elderly parents who are incredibly controlling and smothering but always well intentioned in their stifling control. I am from a large family but honestly my parents are so out of touch that it's not worth trying to explain myself to them they are just too infuriating.
Any attempt to be truly honest with them would be met with a response that would almost certainly make me even more angry either because it will literally go in one ear and out of the other i.e my 'feelings' would be almost completely ignored or minimised or would be taken as a personal insult by my dad. Something odd would happen as it has in the past so I just don't bother anyway, so real communication with them would be a hypothetical ideal but it is truly not a path I wish to go down. I know I will regret it when they pass on but I will regret what our relationship should have been not actually avoiding them. I'm not sure I will regret avoiding them because every single time I see them out of duty they just act in a way that drives me nuts and then dad practically demanded I see them at least every two weeks several months ago. It was easier to just nod and then not do as he demanded rather than to say 'No' and explain why which is a much harder proposition
So my anger is linked with my non relationship with the parents but it's not just that. I live with OCD and a few other health issues which just drive me absolutely nuts. Maybe some of this is just fucking frustration. Anyway when I feel like this I skip church which I had a reasonable intention of going to before the anger at God kicked in so today didn't feel like a Sunday.
It's Jekyll and Hyde and it leaves me wondering what I actually do believe and wether my identity is in flux
I know I have to do inner work, I've seen counsellors for years and years although none for awhile due to the prohibitive cost. The counselling seemed like a complete waste of time in terms of long term change but maybe I never did the work at home.
So I'm pretty self aware but that isn't helping me. I do journal but probably not in an optimal way
I'm not sure what anyone can say that I haven't already heard or thought of but hey fire away anyway:
2023.05.29 03:24 astoneworthskipping Rampant child sexual abuse is occurring in churches — not at drag shows A new report alleges widespread sexual abuse by the Catholic clergy in Illinois. Will conservatives call for a ban on minors in churches?
 | submitted by astoneworthskipping to illinois [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 03:23 Argos_of_the_Embassy Having a hard time
16M
I don't even know what to say really. I can't put a specific word to describe how I feel, but let's just say shitty.
The foremost thing upsetting me rn is my parents divorce. They have been divorced for a few years now, so it's nothing new to me. But I'm just so shaken, because I'm just now coming to terms with how it's effected me. I've never had a sense of stability because I've been driven between each house several times a week. It's fucking exhausting, and its even more tiring having to pack up all my shit and take to my other parents house for one overnight. All my things are focused in one house, and I naturally want to stay at that house most of the time. But being on this schedule for so long makes me feel guilty and I feel that I am betraying one parent either way. My parents say they understand if I want to stay at one place more than the other, but obviously they don't. I want to speak up so bad but I feel like I'm going to destroy one of parents, and I love them and don't want to hurt them. It just conflicts with what I want and what is best for myself. My resentment for the divorce, my parents who put me in this situation, and my guilt eats away at me.
Another thing is religion. My parents are raising me Roman catholic. Frankly, I've been skeptical of belief for a while. I was at a pretty dark place a few months ago (Active suicidal ideation) and I had to go on a retreat to qualify me to get confirmed (which I didn't want to do). I used to the retreat to try and reconvene with God and ask for help as I was literally going to kill myself. I prayed, I really did, for some divine intervention or some reassurance... and I heard silence in return. This was the final nail in the coffin of religion in my life. Either I'm just Forsaken to God, or there's no God to begin with. I managed to pull myself out of that bout of suicidal thoughts. Anyways, fast forward, I get confirmed, which is like so rite of passage in the Christian church, and my dad tells me that I can choose if I want to go to church or not now. Cool. So I did tell him for the first time that I didn't want to go a few days ago. He let me, but he came back from church with my brothers afterwards and was mentioning the holy spirit an odd number of times. He is literally guilting me, and I feel terrible. He also went back on what he said and corrected to only sometimes I can skip church. So I'm just living in your image now. He recently said he wanted me to get married, and he want me to get him grandchildren. He also keeps telling me that I'm going to come back to faith later in life, that it's inevitable. I love my father, he's a great person, but these things stress me out so much.
These 2 things above are the major stressors for me rn.
I also failed my driving Test for the 2nd time, and its so discouraging. I passed the road portion easily the first time, but the maneuverability is killing me. I feel like I'm falling behind because so many people can drive, and passed easily the first time. Me? I'm on my third attempt. Must be something wrong with me. I feel this same way with a job. I don't have a job, and I feel this detracts from my personal worth as a person because typically people have this sort of aspect in their life.
Other things which are hurting me but don't compare to the stuff above: - Friends: I have many friends and many acquaintances. I'm working on getting better at socializing too, because I already mix well with so many people. I'm just not anyone's favorite person, I feel like I can't find my "tribe". I still have close friends whom I hang out with infrequently. But other people are so tightly knit together that I question if I'm really anyone's friend at all, if no one cares to spend time with me. - Dating: I don't have much to say about this. It just confuses me, and I don't understand it. Yet I feel I need to do this in high school because everyone else is doing it, and I'm going miss out on "teen love". It's painted as a one of a kind experience. Why haven't I had a relationship like that though? Should I just wait for a relationship to blossom; can I trust that I'll eventually meet someone I'm compatible with by just talking to different people? Or do I have to be aggressive and ask girls out on dates frequently for something to happen? I don't want to do the latter really, because I'm a pretty introverted person. I'm just confused which I'm supposed to do. Or maybe I'm just not lovable at all.
Thanks for reading through all that. I know it was a lot.
submitted by Argos_of_the_Embassy to venting [link] [comments]
I don't even know what to say really. I can't put a specific word to describe how I feel, but let's just say shitty.
The foremost thing upsetting me rn is my parents divorce. They have been divorced for a few years now, so it's nothing new to me. But I'm just so shaken, because I'm just now coming to terms with how it's effected me. I've never had a sense of stability because I've been driven between each house several times a week. It's fucking exhausting, and its even more tiring having to pack up all my shit and take to my other parents house for one overnight. All my things are focused in one house, and I naturally want to stay at that house most of the time. But being on this schedule for so long makes me feel guilty and I feel that I am betraying one parent either way. My parents say they understand if I want to stay at one place more than the other, but obviously they don't. I want to speak up so bad but I feel like I'm going to destroy one of parents, and I love them and don't want to hurt them. It just conflicts with what I want and what is best for myself. My resentment for the divorce, my parents who put me in this situation, and my guilt eats away at me.
Another thing is religion. My parents are raising me Roman catholic. Frankly, I've been skeptical of belief for a while. I was at a pretty dark place a few months ago (Active suicidal ideation) and I had to go on a retreat to qualify me to get confirmed (which I didn't want to do). I used to the retreat to try and reconvene with God and ask for help as I was literally going to kill myself. I prayed, I really did, for some divine intervention or some reassurance... and I heard silence in return. This was the final nail in the coffin of religion in my life. Either I'm just Forsaken to God, or there's no God to begin with. I managed to pull myself out of that bout of suicidal thoughts. Anyways, fast forward, I get confirmed, which is like so rite of passage in the Christian church, and my dad tells me that I can choose if I want to go to church or not now. Cool. So I did tell him for the first time that I didn't want to go a few days ago. He let me, but he came back from church with my brothers afterwards and was mentioning the holy spirit an odd number of times. He is literally guilting me, and I feel terrible. He also went back on what he said and corrected to only sometimes I can skip church. So I'm just living in your image now. He recently said he wanted me to get married, and he want me to get him grandchildren. He also keeps telling me that I'm going to come back to faith later in life, that it's inevitable. I love my father, he's a great person, but these things stress me out so much.
These 2 things above are the major stressors for me rn.
I also failed my driving Test for the 2nd time, and its so discouraging. I passed the road portion easily the first time, but the maneuverability is killing me. I feel like I'm falling behind because so many people can drive, and passed easily the first time. Me? I'm on my third attempt. Must be something wrong with me. I feel this same way with a job. I don't have a job, and I feel this detracts from my personal worth as a person because typically people have this sort of aspect in their life.
Other things which are hurting me but don't compare to the stuff above: - Friends: I have many friends and many acquaintances. I'm working on getting better at socializing too, because I already mix well with so many people. I'm just not anyone's favorite person, I feel like I can't find my "tribe". I still have close friends whom I hang out with infrequently. But other people are so tightly knit together that I question if I'm really anyone's friend at all, if no one cares to spend time with me. - Dating: I don't have much to say about this. It just confuses me, and I don't understand it. Yet I feel I need to do this in high school because everyone else is doing it, and I'm going miss out on "teen love". It's painted as a one of a kind experience. Why haven't I had a relationship like that though? Should I just wait for a relationship to blossom; can I trust that I'll eventually meet someone I'm compatible with by just talking to different people? Or do I have to be aggressive and ask girls out on dates frequently for something to happen? I don't want to do the latter really, because I'm a pretty introverted person. I'm just confused which I'm supposed to do. Or maybe I'm just not lovable at all.
Thanks for reading through all that. I know it was a lot.
2023.05.29 03:18 JoshAsdvgi THE ARROW CHAIN
 | submitted by JoshAsdvgi to Native_Stories [link] [comments] THE ARROW CHAIN (TLINGIT: Swanton, Bulletin of the Bureau of American Ethnology, xxxix, 209, No. 56) Two very high-caste boys were chums. The father of one was town chief and had his house in the middle of the village, but the house of the other boy's father stood at one end. These boys would go alternately to each other's houses and make great quantities of arrows which they would play with until all were broken up. One time both of the boys made a great quantity of arrows to see which could have the more. Just back of their village was a hill on the top of which was a smooth grassy place claimed by the boys as their playground, and on a certain fine, moonlight night they started thither. As they were going along the lesser chief's son, who was ahead, said, "Look here, friend. Look at that moon. Don't you think that the shape of that moon is the same as that of my mother's labret and that the size is the same, too?" The other answered, "Don't: You must not talk that way of the moon." Then suddenly it became very dark about them and presently the head chief's son saw a ring about them just like a rainbow. When it disappeared his companion was gone. He called and called to him but did not get any answer and did not see him. He thought, "He must have run up the hill to get away from that rainbow." He looked up and saw the moon in the sky. Then he climbed the hill, and looked about, but his friend was not there. Now he thought, "Well! the moon must have gone up with him. That circular rainbow must have been the moon." The boy thus left alone sat down and cried, after which he began to try the bows. He put strings on them one after the other and tried them, but every one broke. He broke all of his own bows and all of his strings his chum's except one which was made of very hard wood. He thought, "Now I am going to shoot that star next to the moon." In that spot was a large and very bright one. He shot an arrow at this star and sat down to watch, when, sure enough, the star darkened. Now he began shooting at that star from the big piles of arrows he and his chum had made, and he was encouraged by seeing that the arrows did not come back. After he had shot for some time he saw something hanging down very near him and, when he shot up another arrow, it stuck to this. The next did likewise, and at last the chain of arrows reached him. He put a last one on to complete it. Now the youth felt badly for the loss of his friend and, lying down under the arrow chain, he went to sleep. After a while he awoke, found himself sleeping on that hill, remembered the arrows he had shot away, and looked up. Instead of the arrows there was a long ladder reaching right down to him. He arose and looked so as to make sure. Then he determined to ascend. First, however, he took various kinds of bushes and stuck them into the knot of hair he wore on his head. He climbed up his ladder all day and camped at nightfall upon it, resuming his journey the following morning. When he awoke early on the second morning his head felt very heavy. Then he seized the salmon berry bush that was in his hair, pulled it out, and found it was loaded with berries. After he had eaten the berries off, he stuck the branch back into his hair and felt very much strengthened. About noon of the same day he again felt hungry, and again his head was heavy, so he pulled out a bush from the other side of his head and it was loaded with blue huckleberries. It was already summer there in the sky. That was why he was getting berries. When he resumed his journey next morning his head did not feel heavy until noon. At that time he pulled out the bush at the back of his head and found it loaded with red huckleberries. By the time he had reached the top the boy was very tired. He looked round and saw a large lake. Then he gathered some soft brush and some moss and lay down to sleep. But, while he slept, some person came to him and shook him saying, "Get up. I am after you." He awoke and looked around but saw no one. Then he rolled over and pretended to go to sleep again but looked out through his eyelashes. By and by he saw a very small but handsome girl coming along. Her skin clothes were very clean and neat, and her leggings were ornamented with porcupine quills. Just as she reached out to shake him he said, "I have seen you already." Now the girl stood still and said, "I have come after you. My grandmother has sent me to bring you to her house. " So he went with her, and they came to a very small house in which was an old woman. The old woman said, "What is it you came way up here after, my grandson?" and the boy answered, "On account of my playmate who was taken up hither." "Oh!" answered the old woman, "He is next door, only a short distance away. I can hear him crying every day. He is in the moon's house." Then the old woman began to give him food. She would put her hand up to her mouth, and a salmon or whatever she was going to give would make its appearance. After the salmon she gave him berries and then meat, for she knew that he was hungry from his long journey. After that she gave him a spruce cone, a rose bush, a piece of devil's club, and a small piece of whetstone to take along. As the boy was going toward the moon's house with all of these things he heard his playmate screaming with pain. He had been put up on a high place near the smoke hole, so, when his rescuer came to it, he climbed on top, and, reaching down through the smoke hole, pulled him out. He said, "My friend, come. I am here to help you." Putting the spruce cone down where the boy had been, he told it to imitate his cries, and he and his chum ran away. After a while, however, the cone dropped from the place where it has been put, and the people discovered that their captive had escaped. Then the moon started in pursuit. When the head chief's son discovered this, he threw behind them the devil's club he had received from the old woman, and a patch of devil's club arose which the moon had so much trouble in getting through that they gained rapidly on him. When the moon again approached, the head chief's son threw back the rose bushes, and such a thicket of roses grew there that the moon was again delayed. When he approached them once more, they threw back the grindstone, and it became a high cliff from which the moon kept rolling back. It is on account of this cliff that people can say things about the moon nowadays with impunity. When the boys reached the old woman's house they were very glad to see each other, for before this they had not had time to speak. The old woman gave them something to eat, and, when they were through, she said to the rescuer, "Go and lie down at the place where you lay when you first came up. Don't think of anything but the playground you used to have." They went there and lay down, but after some time the boy who had first been captured thought of the old woman's house and immediately they found themselves there. Then the old woman said, "Go back and do not think of me any more. Lie there and think of nothing but the place where you used to play." They did so, and, when they awoke, they were lying on their playground at the foot of the ladder. As the boys lay in that place they heard a drum beating in the head chief's house, where a death feast was being held for them, and the head chief's son said, "Let us go," but the other answered, "No, let us wait here until that feast is over." Afterward the boys went down and watched the people come out with their faces all blackened. They stood at a corner, but, as this dance is always given in the evening, they were not seen. Then the head chief's son thought, " I wish my younger brother would come out," and sure enough, after all of the other people had gone, his younger brother came out. He called to his brother saying, "Come here. It is I," but the child was afraid and ran into the house instead. Then the child said to his mother, "My brother and his friend are out here." "Why do you talk like that?" asked his mother. "Don't you know that your brother died some time ago?" And she became very angry. The child, however, persisted, saying, "I know his voice, and I know him." His mother was now very much disturbed, so the boy said, "I am going to go out and bring in a piece of his shirt." "Go and do so," said his mother. "Then I will believe you." When the boy at last brought in a piece of his brother's shirt his mother was convinced, and they sent word into all of the houses, first of all into that of the second boy's parents, but they kept both with them so that his parents could come there and rejoice over him. All of the other people in that village also came to see them. |
2023.05.29 03:16 greasemonke6 Not Going To Church
I normally attend every weekend with my family, but I don't drive myself. This weekend, I went on a mini vacation with other family (catholics) but didn't go to church because we fished all weekend. I feel terrible about it but also feel stuck because i can't legally go by myself, what should I do?
submitted by greasemonke6 to Catholicism [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 03:14 connormcglynn What is it appropriate to tell a priest or therapist?
I have many things I need help working through. I couldn't start to describe the amount that I have messed up without defeating the point of my question, so I ask you just know it is not good. I have a Catholic therapist and I want to just say what I am struggling to process and know what to do about them, but another part of me just feels like nobody should have to hear the profane trash that have been the actions I have taken in my life. If it is just my pride trying to shield me from humiliation for my actions then I don't think that should stop me, and I shouldn't allow my pride to stop me from finding guidance in a properly ordered way. I just feel I also could be being selfish by actually telling this to someone, especially such a kind man as my therapist, would just be uncalled for them to have to be exposed to this. He has had people who are victims of SRA as his clients before and I have to imagine that can't be easy to hear so maybe I am second guessing this and should just tell him directly and explicitly what kind of garbage I am struggling with.
I really could use some guidance on this if it is possible. I am in the process of being brought into the Catholic Church and I could use some guidance on what is the morally correct action to take here.
submitted by connormcglynn to AskAPriest [link] [comments]
I really could use some guidance on this if it is possible. I am in the process of being brought into the Catholic Church and I could use some guidance on what is the morally correct action to take here.
2023.05.29 03:14 The_Norvegicus My Journey
Growing up in a repressive Catholic Christian household was a constant battle between faith and freedom. The walls of dogma and tradition surrounded me, dictating every aspect of my life. From the moment I was born, I was immersed in a world where questioning was discouraged, and blind obedience was celebrated. However, as I journeyed through the labyrinth of my youth, I stumbled upon a revelation that would change my life forever.
I vividly recall the Sundays spent in the ornate church, where the solemn rituals seemed to suffocate my spirit. My parents, devout followers, would bow their heads in reverence, their faces etched with piety. My restless mind, however, yearned for something more than rote prayers and rigid doctrines. I sought a deeper understanding of the world and a genuine connection to something greater than myself.
As I entered my teenage years, curiosity gnawed at my soul. I devoured books on philosophy, science, and history, craving knowledge that extended beyond the confines of religious teachings. I questioned the validity of the miracles I had been taught, the contradictions within sacred texts, and the restrictive nature of the beliefs that governed our lives. But voicing my doubts in the presence of my family was akin to blasphemy.
Fearful of the consequences, I found solace in secret exchanges with like-minded individuals online. The internet became my sanctuary, offering a virtual haven where I could openly express my doubts and connect with others who shared similar thoughts. It was there that I discovered the term "atheism" and realized I was not alone in my quest for freedom from religious constraints.
As I delved deeper into atheism, I discovered a community that welcomed me with open arms. Through online forums and social media groups, I connected with individuals from diverse backgrounds who had also broken free from the chains of religious dogma. They shared their stories, their doubts, and their journeys towards a life guided by reason and personal exploration.
The newfound community gave me strength, support, and the courage to challenge the status quo. Slowly, I began to embrace my own skepticism and openly question the beliefs that had once held me captive. I engaged in thoughtful discussions with friends, both online and offline, exchanging ideas and exploring the multitude of perspectives that existed outside the religious framework.
The process of self-discovery and embracing atheism was not without its difficulties. Confronting my family with my newfound disbelief was a daunting task, and I knew it would come with consequences. I had witnessed the disappointment and disapproval they had shown towards those who had dared to question their faith before me. But the thirst for intellectual honesty and the longing for personal freedom were too strong to ignore.
The day I finally mustered the courage to share my atheism with my family remains etched in my memory. Tears were shed, words were exchanged, and a chasm seemed to widen between us. It was a painful process, but through it, I realized the importance of being true to myself, even if it meant facing rejection from those I loved.
Though the journey from religious devotion to atheism was fraught with challenges, I emerged stronger and more resilient. I found community in atheism, not in the form of dogmatic rituals or unquestioning adherence, but in the shared pursuit of truth, reason, and human connection. The bonds I forged with like-minded individuals, both online and offline, nurtured my growth and provided me with the support I needed to navigate the complexities of life outside the confines of religious belief.
Today, as I reflect upon my journey, I am grateful for the adversity I faced and the path that led me to atheism. It is a path that celebrates intellectual curiosity, embraces diversity of thought, and fosters a genuine connection with fellow human beings. In the face of religious repression, I found liberation, and in the community of atheism, I discovered a home for myself.
submitted by The_Norvegicus to atheism [link] [comments]
I vividly recall the Sundays spent in the ornate church, where the solemn rituals seemed to suffocate my spirit. My parents, devout followers, would bow their heads in reverence, their faces etched with piety. My restless mind, however, yearned for something more than rote prayers and rigid doctrines. I sought a deeper understanding of the world and a genuine connection to something greater than myself.
As I entered my teenage years, curiosity gnawed at my soul. I devoured books on philosophy, science, and history, craving knowledge that extended beyond the confines of religious teachings. I questioned the validity of the miracles I had been taught, the contradictions within sacred texts, and the restrictive nature of the beliefs that governed our lives. But voicing my doubts in the presence of my family was akin to blasphemy.
Fearful of the consequences, I found solace in secret exchanges with like-minded individuals online. The internet became my sanctuary, offering a virtual haven where I could openly express my doubts and connect with others who shared similar thoughts. It was there that I discovered the term "atheism" and realized I was not alone in my quest for freedom from religious constraints.
As I delved deeper into atheism, I discovered a community that welcomed me with open arms. Through online forums and social media groups, I connected with individuals from diverse backgrounds who had also broken free from the chains of religious dogma. They shared their stories, their doubts, and their journeys towards a life guided by reason and personal exploration.
The newfound community gave me strength, support, and the courage to challenge the status quo. Slowly, I began to embrace my own skepticism and openly question the beliefs that had once held me captive. I engaged in thoughtful discussions with friends, both online and offline, exchanging ideas and exploring the multitude of perspectives that existed outside the religious framework.
The process of self-discovery and embracing atheism was not without its difficulties. Confronting my family with my newfound disbelief was a daunting task, and I knew it would come with consequences. I had witnessed the disappointment and disapproval they had shown towards those who had dared to question their faith before me. But the thirst for intellectual honesty and the longing for personal freedom were too strong to ignore.
The day I finally mustered the courage to share my atheism with my family remains etched in my memory. Tears were shed, words were exchanged, and a chasm seemed to widen between us. It was a painful process, but through it, I realized the importance of being true to myself, even if it meant facing rejection from those I loved.
Though the journey from religious devotion to atheism was fraught with challenges, I emerged stronger and more resilient. I found community in atheism, not in the form of dogmatic rituals or unquestioning adherence, but in the shared pursuit of truth, reason, and human connection. The bonds I forged with like-minded individuals, both online and offline, nurtured my growth and provided me with the support I needed to navigate the complexities of life outside the confines of religious belief.
Today, as I reflect upon my journey, I am grateful for the adversity I faced and the path that led me to atheism. It is a path that celebrates intellectual curiosity, embraces diversity of thought, and fosters a genuine connection with fellow human beings. In the face of religious repression, I found liberation, and in the community of atheism, I discovered a home for myself.
2023.05.29 03:04 brohavok Feeling Like a Failure & Overcome with Shame - Behavioral Euthanasia Appointment Next Weekend
If you decide to read this long post, please note that this is a very sensitive subject and that I am heart-broken, ashamed, and lost. I have been considering behavioral euthanasia for my 3-year-old Malinois for the past 6 months. I took in a puppy for foster back in March 2020 because shelter space was at capacity, and I had free time since I was remote. After a few weeks I decided to keep the puppy, whose name is now Tito. I had no idea what a Belgian Malinois was, but I quickly realized that he wasn't an ordinary pup. I sought out a working dog trainer local to me and we started doing daily boarding and 1-1 training sessions. My trainer has five Malinois (all in various sports such as Schutzhund/IPO and PSA) and she quickly noted that he was VERY nervy and was showing signs of fear-based aggression. Granted, he was a puppy, so I didn't think much of it at the time. I began learning about obedience, and the world of dog sport via LEERBURG, and took several classes on their website for conditioning, reactivity, and competitive heeling. I went headfirst into the world of dog training and sport, and quite honestly fell in love with it. My trainer said that although Tito was a nervous wreck, he didn't have enough drive for sport, but he had too much drive for a pet home. Nonetheless, I stayed consistent with training each day. I noticed a drastic change in behavior at around the 14 month mark. When I would get together with friends, Tito was OK (for the most part) when around their dogs. He would be slightly nippy, trying to herd them but no aggression or fear present. He became explosively reactive when around the same dogs so I took him to the Vet to get checked and rule out any health/medical issues. NO medical issues - so what's next? I told my trainer and she recommended that although it MAY not make a difference, we could try neutering. All of her dogs are intact and she usually advises against it but it was worth a shot. I was back and forth on the idea, until one day he got hold of one of our two cats and drew a little bit of blood (failed to mention that we have two cats in the home that he would chase). I have to manage him both outside of the home, and inside the home at all times. If he isn't in a place command, on the dogpacer treadmill getting his physical needs met, or eating, he is crated. After he attacked one of our cats, I decided to move forward with the neuter. No change. We began a behavior modification program with trazadone and Clomipramine. The trazadone was sedating but it didn't really help much else, while after about 6 months we did see a slight change with the Clomipramine ($250/month I might add). Tito's reactivity got so bad at one point, that he redirected on both my leg, and my fiancé's several times to where he punctured, drew blood, and eventually scarred our legs. Shame on us for not muzzling him from the get-go but you live, and you learn... Aside from being dog reactive, and redirecting on us during walks, he never showed aggression towards people UNTIL the 2-year mark.
INCIDENT #1: My fiancé and I were walking the dogs and had one of our friends who we were expecting waiting outside of our house. We greeted her, the dogs were neutral, and we all walked into the home together. I started prepping the dog's dinner while our friend was taking her shoes off at the entry way. Tito darted from the kitchen, straight to the entryway, and bit our friend's wrist. Thankfully he bit her watch, but it still punctured her wrist and scarred.
INCIDENT #2: A few months went by, and we had my fiancé's cousin and her friend staying with us for the weekend. We made it a point to keep Tito on our second floor, crated if they were around to avoid any potential events. I had him on a leash, muzzled, ready to take him outside for a walk when I said hi to the two girls staying with us. Tito didn't flinch and was neutral which was an unexpected surprise. While muzzled, we walked through the kitchen, and I decided to reward his neutrality with some treats. I then gave my fiancé's cousin and friend some freeze dried, and they fed him through the muzzle. At this point, I felt comfortable (shame on me) and I sat down on the couch and removed Tito's muzzle. The friend still had some treats and fed him - no issue. All was fine up until she stood up, to which he bit her wrist, drawing blood. Not severe by any means, but yet again I put another person in danger because of my naivety.
INCIDENT #3: This next attack was our tipping point as his bites have progressively gotten worse with each event. I was working in my office and had my golden doodle, and Tito next to me with the door closed. My fiance let me know that our friend (same friend was incident #1) was coming over WITH her 8 year old son. I told her that I would crate both the dogs upstairs while they were over to avoid any issues. I walked out of the office and closed the door so the dogs couldn't see our guests. I was chatting with our friend, and hanging out with her son while we waited for dinner to be done. I fell asleep on the couch (it was a 10 hour work day), and napped for about an hour with the dogs still inside the office. My fiancé didn't want to wake me since she knew I was exhausted, so she leashed both dogs and took them outside to go potty. The 8 year old was on his iPad in the living room while his mom was in the bathroom. My fiancé took the boys to the top of the stairs to get back into our house and had them in a sit-stay command to re-attach their leashes before entering our house through the kitchen. Tito broke command and my fiancé could not get his leash attached in time. Before you know it he pushes the door into the kitchen open and is running full speed to get to me (also has separation anxiety and needs to be near me at all times). In order to get to me on the couch however, he needs to pass the kitchen. As he is running through the kitchen, our friend's son is holding his iPad. Now, he knows that Tito had previously bit his mother, so he was TERRIFIED when he saw him running towards us. The son started screaming, with his hands in the air which at this point I woke up, jumping off the couch. Tito turned back around, and as he did the son threw his iPad at Tito. Tito latched onto the boy's thigh, biting him. Thankfully, as soon as he made contact, he immediately let go but the damage was already done. I picked up our friend's son, took him to the tub to clean/disinfect the bite which had two puncture marks (worse than any previous bite). We took him to the ER and thankfully the doctor said that it wasn't too bad and that it should heal in about a week or so. My fiancé and I were devasted. This poor boy was now traumatized due to our recklessness and inability to manage our reactive dog. My fiancé came into this relationship with (1) dog, while I had Tito and our golden doodle. She didn't sign up to live on eggshells and I commend her for all of her support BUT I feel TERRIBLE that now none of her friends feel safe coming to our home. I spent about two weeks researching behavioral euthanasia and we were committed to moving forward with it in February of this year - until the guilt set in. A few months past, no incidents, until about Mid-March. INCIDENT #4: I already mentioned that I had Tito and our golden doodle (name is Archie) before I met my fiance. She already had a 7 year old Lab/Pit Mix named Jasmine so thankfully we were able to get all three dogs to peacefully co-exist (for the most part). Jasmine is an "old soul" and doesn't like any sudden movements or play while she's around - she has her quirks. I was letting all three dogs out in the backyard one afternoon (this was late March of this year), and decided to play fetch with Archie (golden doodle). Jasmine was waiting by the door to get back into the house as I threw the ball for Archie. In order to get to the ball, he had to run past Jasmine. Archie knows exactly how she would react, so he slowed down, and tip toed past her to safely get to the ball. In that moment, Jasmine turned around and attacked Archie, pinning him to the ground. As I am trying to remove Jasmine off of Archie, Tito comes in from left field and attacks Jasmine. All of this happened within a second and I didn't realize that there was any serious damage until we were in the house much later. Jasmine had a three-inch laceration on her under belly, exposing the muscle with the skin/fur nowhere in sight. We immediately rushed her to the ER to which she ended up having to get 14 stitches. For the record, she is fine now but still a terrifying sight. Yet another tipping point, but we still held off on BE.
INCIDENT #5: On Friday night (two days ago), I was letting the dogs out. Now let me preface by saying that the house we live in is a multi-family home where we live on the 2nd/3rd floor, while the first floor is its own apartment/unit. My fiancé's brother, his girlfriend, and their dog actually occupy this space, so we typically text each other when one of us needs to let the dogs out. We always make sure that the backyard is cleared before letting our dogs out to avoid any potential conflict/injury. I shot over a text and let them know that I would be in the backyard (it is about 10:30 pm, and it's DARK). Her brother acknowledged, and I even made a joke about how Tito was crazy because he spotted a rat in our backyard and chased it to the garage. All of a sudden, I hear their backdoor open and their dog Bronny comes towards us in a full sprint. The brother's girlfriend didn't know we were in the yard, as he told her right when she was opening the door. At this point it was too late. Bronnie and Tito have NEVER met aside from smelling each other's markings in the yard when the other isn't present. Before I could even visually spot Bronny (dark, brindle coat), Tito had his teeth around Bronny's neck. I was able to pry Tito's mouth off him, to which Bronny ran inside their apartment, however Tito followed suit. He got a hold of him AGAIN and I had to pry his teeth off, and sort of nudge Bronny away while I got a good grip on Tito (had no collar on so I had to get a good grip on his scruff). Bronny had peed all over himself, scared shitless. I took the boys upstairs to their crates, and came back down to check on him. The punctures weren't too deep and they said they would take him to the vet. I FEEL AWFUL. Although I gave them a warning that we were in the yard, it is my responsibility to keep everyone safe from our dog. Bronny, who is typically a very rambunctious, silly dog, turned on me earlier today when I said hi in the backyard by myself. He tried to bite me, and the brother had to pull him off. I am responsible for this dog's pain, fear, and trauma. Turns out Bronny's neck had swelled up, creating an abyss. They just got back from the vet, and he needed to be sedated so that they could drain the fluid. I feel so much shame and guilt and don't know if I could live with this happening AGAIN.
What more can I do? - Training, training, training, every single day (making sure his physical needs are met along with adequate mental stimulation) - Worked with several trainers, all of which concluded that this is just who he is - Lots of LOVE, PLAY, and more LOVE - Prong collar (no longer using as it makes his reactivity worse) - E-Collar (no longer using as it only amplifies his redirection) - Behavior modification in conjunction with medication - Has a daily routine and is given jobs
I don't know what else I can do - how can I continue to justify keeping him alive? He is my soul-dog, my best friend, my boy. He has so much love for us and can be the most amazing dog - until he isn't. He would be the greatest dog if it wasn't for his reactivity but what can you do? These were the cards we were dealt. I quite honestly believe that it all comes down to genetics and it is a uphill battle every day. Whoever decided to breed and produce Tito and his litter mates is a backyard breeding POS.
It kills me that I took in this sweet puppy, did everything I possibly could to give him a great life, and it still wasn't enough. It kills me that I am so irresponsible and selfish, that I decided to keep him alive after each and every bite incident. I feel so bad for my fiancé as she knows how hard this decision is for me and yet after everything that has happened, continues to support my decision to keep him alive despite all the pain he has caused us. I can't continue to make excuses for my dog. I can't keep walking on eggshells in my own home, putting the safety of our cats, other dogs, and neighbors at risk because I LOVE MY DOG. My love can't make him a stable, neutral dog.
The thought of taking him to the vet, watching him lay on a metal table breaks my heart. Having him look me in the eyes as he takes his last breath, thinking that we'll leave to go home any minute, brings me to tears. How could I fail this loving boy who would do ANYTHING for me? How can I walk out of the vet clinic with only a leash and no dog looking up at me like I am their whole entire world? This isn't fair. We will be booking an appointment for next Sunday. I plan on taking PTO from work next Friday and Monday so that we can have one last incredible weekend together.
If you have any ideas of how we can make the most of our time, please share. This is going to be the hardest decision of my life and I am not ready to lose my best friend. Thank you for listening.
submitted by brohavok to reactivedogs [link] [comments]
INCIDENT #1: My fiancé and I were walking the dogs and had one of our friends who we were expecting waiting outside of our house. We greeted her, the dogs were neutral, and we all walked into the home together. I started prepping the dog's dinner while our friend was taking her shoes off at the entry way. Tito darted from the kitchen, straight to the entryway, and bit our friend's wrist. Thankfully he bit her watch, but it still punctured her wrist and scarred.
INCIDENT #2: A few months went by, and we had my fiancé's cousin and her friend staying with us for the weekend. We made it a point to keep Tito on our second floor, crated if they were around to avoid any potential events. I had him on a leash, muzzled, ready to take him outside for a walk when I said hi to the two girls staying with us. Tito didn't flinch and was neutral which was an unexpected surprise. While muzzled, we walked through the kitchen, and I decided to reward his neutrality with some treats. I then gave my fiancé's cousin and friend some freeze dried, and they fed him through the muzzle. At this point, I felt comfortable (shame on me) and I sat down on the couch and removed Tito's muzzle. The friend still had some treats and fed him - no issue. All was fine up until she stood up, to which he bit her wrist, drawing blood. Not severe by any means, but yet again I put another person in danger because of my naivety.
INCIDENT #3: This next attack was our tipping point as his bites have progressively gotten worse with each event. I was working in my office and had my golden doodle, and Tito next to me with the door closed. My fiance let me know that our friend (same friend was incident #1) was coming over WITH her 8 year old son. I told her that I would crate both the dogs upstairs while they were over to avoid any issues. I walked out of the office and closed the door so the dogs couldn't see our guests. I was chatting with our friend, and hanging out with her son while we waited for dinner to be done. I fell asleep on the couch (it was a 10 hour work day), and napped for about an hour with the dogs still inside the office. My fiancé didn't want to wake me since she knew I was exhausted, so she leashed both dogs and took them outside to go potty. The 8 year old was on his iPad in the living room while his mom was in the bathroom. My fiancé took the boys to the top of the stairs to get back into our house and had them in a sit-stay command to re-attach their leashes before entering our house through the kitchen. Tito broke command and my fiancé could not get his leash attached in time. Before you know it he pushes the door into the kitchen open and is running full speed to get to me (also has separation anxiety and needs to be near me at all times). In order to get to me on the couch however, he needs to pass the kitchen. As he is running through the kitchen, our friend's son is holding his iPad. Now, he knows that Tito had previously bit his mother, so he was TERRIFIED when he saw him running towards us. The son started screaming, with his hands in the air which at this point I woke up, jumping off the couch. Tito turned back around, and as he did the son threw his iPad at Tito. Tito latched onto the boy's thigh, biting him. Thankfully, as soon as he made contact, he immediately let go but the damage was already done. I picked up our friend's son, took him to the tub to clean/disinfect the bite which had two puncture marks (worse than any previous bite). We took him to the ER and thankfully the doctor said that it wasn't too bad and that it should heal in about a week or so. My fiancé and I were devasted. This poor boy was now traumatized due to our recklessness and inability to manage our reactive dog. My fiancé came into this relationship with (1) dog, while I had Tito and our golden doodle. She didn't sign up to live on eggshells and I commend her for all of her support BUT I feel TERRIBLE that now none of her friends feel safe coming to our home. I spent about two weeks researching behavioral euthanasia and we were committed to moving forward with it in February of this year - until the guilt set in. A few months past, no incidents, until about Mid-March. INCIDENT #4: I already mentioned that I had Tito and our golden doodle (name is Archie) before I met my fiance. She already had a 7 year old Lab/Pit Mix named Jasmine so thankfully we were able to get all three dogs to peacefully co-exist (for the most part). Jasmine is an "old soul" and doesn't like any sudden movements or play while she's around - she has her quirks. I was letting all three dogs out in the backyard one afternoon (this was late March of this year), and decided to play fetch with Archie (golden doodle). Jasmine was waiting by the door to get back into the house as I threw the ball for Archie. In order to get to the ball, he had to run past Jasmine. Archie knows exactly how she would react, so he slowed down, and tip toed past her to safely get to the ball. In that moment, Jasmine turned around and attacked Archie, pinning him to the ground. As I am trying to remove Jasmine off of Archie, Tito comes in from left field and attacks Jasmine. All of this happened within a second and I didn't realize that there was any serious damage until we were in the house much later. Jasmine had a three-inch laceration on her under belly, exposing the muscle with the skin/fur nowhere in sight. We immediately rushed her to the ER to which she ended up having to get 14 stitches. For the record, she is fine now but still a terrifying sight. Yet another tipping point, but we still held off on BE.
INCIDENT #5: On Friday night (two days ago), I was letting the dogs out. Now let me preface by saying that the house we live in is a multi-family home where we live on the 2nd/3rd floor, while the first floor is its own apartment/unit. My fiancé's brother, his girlfriend, and their dog actually occupy this space, so we typically text each other when one of us needs to let the dogs out. We always make sure that the backyard is cleared before letting our dogs out to avoid any potential conflict/injury. I shot over a text and let them know that I would be in the backyard (it is about 10:30 pm, and it's DARK). Her brother acknowledged, and I even made a joke about how Tito was crazy because he spotted a rat in our backyard and chased it to the garage. All of a sudden, I hear their backdoor open and their dog Bronny comes towards us in a full sprint. The brother's girlfriend didn't know we were in the yard, as he told her right when she was opening the door. At this point it was too late. Bronnie and Tito have NEVER met aside from smelling each other's markings in the yard when the other isn't present. Before I could even visually spot Bronny (dark, brindle coat), Tito had his teeth around Bronny's neck. I was able to pry Tito's mouth off him, to which Bronny ran inside their apartment, however Tito followed suit. He got a hold of him AGAIN and I had to pry his teeth off, and sort of nudge Bronny away while I got a good grip on Tito (had no collar on so I had to get a good grip on his scruff). Bronny had peed all over himself, scared shitless. I took the boys upstairs to their crates, and came back down to check on him. The punctures weren't too deep and they said they would take him to the vet. I FEEL AWFUL. Although I gave them a warning that we were in the yard, it is my responsibility to keep everyone safe from our dog. Bronny, who is typically a very rambunctious, silly dog, turned on me earlier today when I said hi in the backyard by myself. He tried to bite me, and the brother had to pull him off. I am responsible for this dog's pain, fear, and trauma. Turns out Bronny's neck had swelled up, creating an abyss. They just got back from the vet, and he needed to be sedated so that they could drain the fluid. I feel so much shame and guilt and don't know if I could live with this happening AGAIN.
What more can I do? - Training, training, training, every single day (making sure his physical needs are met along with adequate mental stimulation) - Worked with several trainers, all of which concluded that this is just who he is - Lots of LOVE, PLAY, and more LOVE - Prong collar (no longer using as it makes his reactivity worse) - E-Collar (no longer using as it only amplifies his redirection) - Behavior modification in conjunction with medication - Has a daily routine and is given jobs
I don't know what else I can do - how can I continue to justify keeping him alive? He is my soul-dog, my best friend, my boy. He has so much love for us and can be the most amazing dog - until he isn't. He would be the greatest dog if it wasn't for his reactivity but what can you do? These were the cards we were dealt. I quite honestly believe that it all comes down to genetics and it is a uphill battle every day. Whoever decided to breed and produce Tito and his litter mates is a backyard breeding POS.
It kills me that I took in this sweet puppy, did everything I possibly could to give him a great life, and it still wasn't enough. It kills me that I am so irresponsible and selfish, that I decided to keep him alive after each and every bite incident. I feel so bad for my fiancé as she knows how hard this decision is for me and yet after everything that has happened, continues to support my decision to keep him alive despite all the pain he has caused us. I can't continue to make excuses for my dog. I can't keep walking on eggshells in my own home, putting the safety of our cats, other dogs, and neighbors at risk because I LOVE MY DOG. My love can't make him a stable, neutral dog.
The thought of taking him to the vet, watching him lay on a metal table breaks my heart. Having him look me in the eyes as he takes his last breath, thinking that we'll leave to go home any minute, brings me to tears. How could I fail this loving boy who would do ANYTHING for me? How can I walk out of the vet clinic with only a leash and no dog looking up at me like I am their whole entire world? This isn't fair. We will be booking an appointment for next Sunday. I plan on taking PTO from work next Friday and Monday so that we can have one last incredible weekend together.
If you have any ideas of how we can make the most of our time, please share. This is going to be the hardest decision of my life and I am not ready to lose my best friend. Thank you for listening.
2023.05.29 03:02 MapleMemed Worried about racial discrimination in Church
Hello, I am a person who is recently attempting conversion within the Orthodox Church.
Unlike Catholic Churches, I notice that the Orthodox Church is very packed with certain ethnic communities, and I understand this as unlike the Western Church they have different linguistic divisions among this church, but I am not of any Mediterranean or Eastern descent and I am converting to a Greek Orthodox church, so, I will literally stick out like a sore thumb (I am of Anglo-Irish descent and I have pale skin and light eyes and hair.)
I understand and have been told many many times before that the Eastern Orthodox Church is for everyone regardless of race, but I live in Canada where ethnic groups will usually stick together and I worry that I might be encroaching on a space considered an ethnic community space (this church was established in 1976) and noticeably majority of the participants are of Greek descent of course. I would like to convert because I see the Orthodox Church as the truth and oldest Church, while I still respect others of their faith. But, nonetheless, I am worried that I may be encroaching on a community that might not tolerate my attempt to convert into their church.
For extra note, the Father of the Church has not made any hints of me not to join or anything like this, but there are many ethnic churches near where I live (Serbian, Greek, Russian, etc.) but I'm not one to care for ethnic/linguistic rites and chose the Greek church instead out of all of them. I'm not interested in joining on the aspect of ethnic community, but out of the aspect of the denomination I feel is right which is why I chose a nearby and visibly active church.
Anything I should know? risks? etc? I say I know my fair bit about Greek traditions, values, history and culture as I have a couple Greek friends, but nonetheless, I want to know that if I enter a church for the sake of worship of God in what I believe is the true denomination, I would rather do this without discrimination because I am a visible ethnic minority in this church.
submitted by MapleMemed to OrthodoxChristianity [link] [comments]
Unlike Catholic Churches, I notice that the Orthodox Church is very packed with certain ethnic communities, and I understand this as unlike the Western Church they have different linguistic divisions among this church, but I am not of any Mediterranean or Eastern descent and I am converting to a Greek Orthodox church, so, I will literally stick out like a sore thumb (I am of Anglo-Irish descent and I have pale skin and light eyes and hair.)
I understand and have been told many many times before that the Eastern Orthodox Church is for everyone regardless of race, but I live in Canada where ethnic groups will usually stick together and I worry that I might be encroaching on a space considered an ethnic community space (this church was established in 1976) and noticeably majority of the participants are of Greek descent of course. I would like to convert because I see the Orthodox Church as the truth and oldest Church, while I still respect others of their faith. But, nonetheless, I am worried that I may be encroaching on a community that might not tolerate my attempt to convert into their church.
For extra note, the Father of the Church has not made any hints of me not to join or anything like this, but there are many ethnic churches near where I live (Serbian, Greek, Russian, etc.) but I'm not one to care for ethnic/linguistic rites and chose the Greek church instead out of all of them. I'm not interested in joining on the aspect of ethnic community, but out of the aspect of the denomination I feel is right which is why I chose a nearby and visibly active church.
Anything I should know? risks? etc? I say I know my fair bit about Greek traditions, values, history and culture as I have a couple Greek friends, but nonetheless, I want to know that if I enter a church for the sake of worship of God in what I believe is the true denomination, I would rather do this without discrimination because I am a visible ethnic minority in this church.
2023.05.29 02:58 Wackyguy_tr EVERY KANYE SONG LIST
I was doing some neural net stuff and I needed every single kanye song in an easily copy/pasteable format that I didnt need to do too much coding for a computer to read, and it took me like 25 minutes to type the entire thing out by hand, so I thought id post it here in case any other future devs need it <3
The College Dropout
Intro
We Don’t Care
Graduation Day
All Falls Down
I’ll Fly Away
Spaceship
Jesus Walks
Never Let Me Down
Get Em High
Workout Plan
The New Workout Plan
Slow Jamz
Breathe In Breathe Out
School Spirit Skit 1
School Spirit
School Spirit Skit 2
Lil Jimmy Skit
Two Words
Through The Wire
Family Business
Last Call
Late Registration
Wake Up Mr. West
Heard ‘Em Say
Touch the Sky
Gold Digger
Skit No.1
Drive Slow
My Way Home
Crack Music
Roses
Bring Me Down
Addiction
Skit No.2
Diamonds From Sierra Leone (Remix)
We Major
Skit No.3
Hey Mama
Celebration
Skit No.4
Gone
Diamonds From Sierra Leone
Late
Graduation
Good Morning
Champion
Stronger
I Wonder
Good Life
Can’t Tell Me Nothing
Barry Bonds
Drunk and Hot Girls
Flashing Lights
Everything I Am
The Glory
Homecoming
Big Brother
Good Night
808s & Heartbreak
Say You Will
Welcome to Heartbreak
Heartless
Amazing
Love Lockdown
Paranoid
RoboCop
Street Lights
Bad News
See You In My Nightmares
Coldest Winter
Pinocchio Story
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Dark Fantasy
Gorgeous
POWER
All of the Lights (Interlude)
All of the Lights
Monster
So Appalled
Devil In A New Dress
Runaway
Hell Of A Life
Blame Game
Lost in the World
Who Will Survive in America
Watch the Throne
No Church in the Wild
Lift Off
Ni**as In Paris
Otis
Gotta Have It
New Day
That’s My Bitch
Welcome to the Jungle
Who Gon Stop Me
Murder To Excellence
Made In America
Why I Love You
Yeezus
On Sight
Black Skinhead
I Am a God
New Slaves
Hold My Liquor
I’m in It
Blood on the Leaves
Guilt Trip
Send It Up
Bound 2
The Life Of Pablo
Ultralight Beam
Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1
Pt. 2
Famous
Feedback
Low Lights
Highlights
Freestyle 4
I Love Kanye
Waves
FML
Real Friends
Wolves
Frank’s Track
Siiiiiiiiilver Surffffeeeeer Intermission
30 Hours
No More Parties In LA
Facts (Charlie Heat Version)
Fade
Saint Pablo
ye
I Thought About Killing You
Yikes
All Mine
Wouldn’t Leave
No Mistakes
Ghost Town
Violent Crimes
KIDS SEE GHOSTS
Feel The Love
Fire
4th Dimension
Freeee (Ghost Town Pt. 2)
Reborn
Kids See Ghosts
Cudi Montage
JESUS IS KING
Every Hour
Selah
Follow God
Closed On Sunday
On God
Everything We Need
Water
God Is
Hands On
Use This Gospel
Jesus Is Lord
Donda
Donda Chant
Jail
God Breathed
Off The Grid
Hurricane
Praise God
Jonah
Ok Ok
Junya
Believe What I Say
24
Remote Control
Moon
Heaven and Hell
Donda
Keep My Spirit Alive
Jesus Lord
New Again
Tell The Vision
Lord I Need You
Pure Souls
Come to Life
No Child Left Behind
Jail pt 2
Ok Ok pt 2
Junya pt 2
Jesus Lord pt 2
submitted by Wackyguy_tr to Kanye [link] [comments]
The College Dropout
Intro
We Don’t Care
Graduation Day
All Falls Down
I’ll Fly Away
Spaceship
Jesus Walks
Never Let Me Down
Get Em High
Workout Plan
The New Workout Plan
Slow Jamz
Breathe In Breathe Out
School Spirit Skit 1
School Spirit
School Spirit Skit 2
Lil Jimmy Skit
Two Words
Through The Wire
Family Business
Last Call
Late Registration
Wake Up Mr. West
Heard ‘Em Say
Touch the Sky
Gold Digger
Skit No.1
Drive Slow
My Way Home
Crack Music
Roses
Bring Me Down
Addiction
Skit No.2
Diamonds From Sierra Leone (Remix)
We Major
Skit No.3
Hey Mama
Celebration
Skit No.4
Gone
Diamonds From Sierra Leone
Late
Graduation
Good Morning
Champion
Stronger
I Wonder
Good Life
Can’t Tell Me Nothing
Barry Bonds
Drunk and Hot Girls
Flashing Lights
Everything I Am
The Glory
Homecoming
Big Brother
Good Night
808s & Heartbreak
Say You Will
Welcome to Heartbreak
Heartless
Amazing
Love Lockdown
Paranoid
RoboCop
Street Lights
Bad News
See You In My Nightmares
Coldest Winter
Pinocchio Story
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Dark Fantasy
Gorgeous
POWER
All of the Lights (Interlude)
All of the Lights
Monster
So Appalled
Devil In A New Dress
Runaway
Hell Of A Life
Blame Game
Lost in the World
Who Will Survive in America
Watch the Throne
No Church in the Wild
Lift Off
Ni**as In Paris
Otis
Gotta Have It
New Day
That’s My Bitch
Welcome to the Jungle
Who Gon Stop Me
Murder To Excellence
Made In America
Why I Love You
Yeezus
On Sight
Black Skinhead
I Am a God
New Slaves
Hold My Liquor
I’m in It
Blood on the Leaves
Guilt Trip
Send It Up
Bound 2
The Life Of Pablo
Ultralight Beam
Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1
Pt. 2
Famous
Feedback
Low Lights
Highlights
Freestyle 4
I Love Kanye
Waves
FML
Real Friends
Wolves
Frank’s Track
Siiiiiiiiilver Surffffeeeeer Intermission
30 Hours
No More Parties In LA
Facts (Charlie Heat Version)
Fade
Saint Pablo
ye
I Thought About Killing You
Yikes
All Mine
Wouldn’t Leave
No Mistakes
Ghost Town
Violent Crimes
KIDS SEE GHOSTS
Feel The Love
Fire
4th Dimension
Freeee (Ghost Town Pt. 2)
Reborn
Kids See Ghosts
Cudi Montage
JESUS IS KING
Every Hour
Selah
Follow God
Closed On Sunday
On God
Everything We Need
Water
God Is
Hands On
Use This Gospel
Jesus Is Lord
Donda
Donda Chant
Jail
God Breathed
Off The Grid
Hurricane
Praise God
Jonah
Ok Ok
Junya
Believe What I Say
24
Remote Control
Moon
Heaven and Hell
Donda
Keep My Spirit Alive
Jesus Lord
New Again
Tell The Vision
Lord I Need You
Pure Souls
Come to Life
No Child Left Behind
Jail pt 2
Ok Ok pt 2
Junya pt 2
Jesus Lord pt 2
2023.05.29 02:45 ladyem8 Time to start enacting laws banning Catholic Churches so we can protect the children.
 | submitted by ladyem8 to WhitePeopleTwitter [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 02:24 SafelyLandedMoon Question from a Protestant Perspective.
I do a regular visit on a Catholic church because that's we're my in-laws are attending together with my own family. I'm a Born again Christian, and would like to ask if I can participate on kneeling down whenever they do. I do stand, sing songs of praises for God, and do offertory too during the mass but do not kneel because I can't.
I know that I can't participate on the Eucharist because only Catholics are allowed, but kneeling down is my issue. I have a feeling I should, but I can't. Don't know why?
submitted by SafelyLandedMoon to Christianity [link] [comments]
I know that I can't participate on the Eucharist because only Catholics are allowed, but kneeling down is my issue. I have a feeling I should, but I can't. Don't know why?
2023.05.29 02:17 Aesthetic_FuckerOwO (Rhys' backstory) "Love can make people Crazy"
(You read from Rhys' POV :D)
Rhys' past self
⚠️TW: OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR + MURDER + STALKING⚠️
{P.S: I tried to make this as Mythologically and Biblically accurate as possible so please correct me if I got anything wrong please and thank you 🙏 }
---------------------------
[3087 BCE]
~~~~~~~~~
"Awaken..."
You slowly opened your eyes upon hearing a soft voice fill your ears, your vision becoming blurry for a brief moment before become stable. You gazed up at the face of the voice; a rather young looking face with strawberry blonde curly hair and soft almond brown eyes and rose beige skin with rosy cheeks.
The figure smiled warmly at you as you reached out your small hand to them, smiling back at them as you cooed happily.
"I haveth the sensation that thou shalt be a great apprentice for me!" said Cupid.
.
.
.
[3097 BCE]
~~~~~~~~~
"Does thy see those two mortals down there?" Cupid asked as he pointed to a man and woman sitting in a field of flowers.
You nodded as you steadied your bow and arrow and aimed it towards the woman as Cupid aimed his arrow toward the man.
"On my cue, thou shalt unleash their arrow towards the respective target." Cupid instructed as you nodded.
"Yes, master!" You said enthusiastically
"Alright...1..."
You fixed your posture and stretched the arrow back.
"2..."
You paused and lifted your head, something else capturing your eye...
A small girl who looked around your age, with semi-short brunette curly hair and wearing a daisy flower crown with a white tunic to match. She was happily dancing within the field, her movements graceful and carefully practiced.
"3!! Rhys?"
You continued to stare at the girl in awe...she looked so...beautiful...
"Rhys...?"
You felt your heart begin to hammer in and out of your chest, what was this feeling...?
"AMADEUS!!" Cupid's yelling snapped you out of your thoughts.
"Hah?? Oh sorry, master..." You said apologetically as you aimed your bow once again and shot it at the woman. Cupid watched with satisfactory as the man and woman walked away together hand in hand. Meanwhile you? You were still fixated on that girl.
She was just so mesmerizing, gorgeous...cute...
You felt your face heat up as you continued to watch her dance from a distance...
Where you...
In love...?
.
.
.
[3102 BCE]
~~~~~~~~~
This feeling....
This addicting sensation of being in love...
You've grown to obsess over it with no remorse at all...
You never forgot about that girl you saw when you were 10, in fact you've approached her after you saw her and have become friends with her since then. Secretly following her everywhere she went when you two weren't hanging out.
You learned all kinds of things about her; Her hobbies, her interests, and that her name was Calliope...
But it wasn't enough...
You wanted to be more than just a friend to her...
You wanted to hold her in your arms and call her your lover...
You wanted to one day get on one knee and officially make her yours forever...
You wanted more....
M̴̥̀O̷̫͠R̷̜̉E̵̩͉̿!̵̠͓̏̑!̷͑̆͜!̷̜͓͝!̵̼̤̏!̶̘͐!̵͎̇!̸͕͋̐
.
.
.
[3112 BCE]
~~~~~~~~
You're definitely going crazy now...
The only thing on your mind now is Calliope...
And you were perfectly ok with that being the case...
Right now, crimson red blood dripped from your dagger as you stood over the newly deceased bodies of Calliope's best friend, all while she stood behind you; terrified of what you have become...
Then again..you honestly didn't mind this feeling...in fact; it felt nice actually...
"Myne darling Calliope...~" You purred as you turned to look at her, a psychotic expression painting your face with eyes filled with lovesickness. "What hath made thou believe they could betray me so easily...? Doth art thou not love me...?"
Calliope backed away terrified as she looked at you with fear and anger in her eyes, she then shook her head. "No!! I will never love someone like you!!! You're a monster!!! A murderer!!!" She yelled.
You frowned at this...
She hated you...?
But...
But...You did everything for her!!!
YOU GAVE HER EVERYTHING YOU COULD OFFER HER AND THIS IS HOW SHE REPAYS YOU?!?!?!
No.....
No!!!!
N̷̰̺̐O̵̮̘̽!̸͚̓́!̴͇̯̏!̶̧̼͂!̵̢̎̌!̸͇̲̊̈́͠!̷̠̹͕̕!̸̪͔͚̍̏!̴͍̪̥́̌̇!̷̭̣̃̉!̵̨͚́͗
Your left eye twitched as you approached her slowly, twirling the dagger in between your fingers...
You crouched down in front of her as she looked at you with the same fear in her eyes and you looked back at her with eyes filled with anger...
"If I can not have thy..."
You pinned Calliope to the ground and raised the dagger over your head.
"̵̍͜͠N̴̻̦̽ỏ̶̰͠b̵̥̐͑̓ơ̸͎̠ḑ̴̣̫̋y̴̯̬̔̇ ̴͚̍̅͜c̷̳̻̹̆â̶̲͈̈́̚ͅǹ̵̝͈͖.̷̻͙́̏̌.̴̞̖̆.̶̺̱̒͝.̵̡̳̍̇̄"̸͕̗̊
And just like that....Calliope was dead...
You stared blankly at her as a pool of red formed underneath her, a sinister curl creeping onto your lips...
Just then...
"AMADEUS!!! WHAT HATH THYNE DONE?!?!?!"
You whipped your head around to see Aphrodite and Cupid standing behind you with Zeus, all three of them staring with horror at the scene...
Oh no...
.
.
.
"THROW THEM DOWN!! THROW THEM DOWN!! THROW THEM DOWN!!"
The crowd chanted as two guards hauled you off towards the edge of the mountain...
You struggles immensely against the strong grip of the the two soldiers, trying to break free, but to no avail
"UNHAND ME AT ONCE, YOU PATHETIC BASTARDS!!" You yelled at the guards as they ignored you and brought you closer to the edge.
The very edge that led down to Hell...Where once you entered...there was no return...
"Demigod Amadeus, doth thyne have any final words before their eviction?"
You huffed and whipped your head around to look over at Cupid...your mentor...who was doing nothing but just standing there and watching this happen to you...He backed away nervously as you glared at him with fury.
"I wish that thy is to burn in Hell...." You spat at him...
And with that...You found yourself being thrown off the edge of the mountain...
You watched mindlessly as the peak of Olympus became smaller...and smaller...and smaller...
Until you eventually disappeared into the depths of the Earth...
.
.
.
.
.
Ugh...my head...
You slowly lifted your weak and aching body up once you began to regain your vision and the world around you stopped spinning...
You looked around and saw you were no longer in the glorious fields of Mount Olympus...but you were in an area surrounded by crimson red mist and bright orange flames, both big and small, everywhere.
Where am I...?
You staggered to your feet just as someone walked up to you. A man with short wavy black hair, pale ivory skin, and fierce red eyes wearing nothing but a grey silk robe.
You looked up at the stranger with curious eyes as he stared coldly at you, soon grinning.
"Greetings, newcomer. What brings you here?" He asked you as he tilted his head.
"Errr...I am Rhys...or Amadeus as they call me...I am the former apprentice of Cupid!" You said as you bowed nervously.
The man chuckled. "There is no need to bow. I insist. Do tell me, what is the reason you are here?"
You looked off to the side nervously. "I hath committed two persecutions on two different mortals..."
The man looked at you with amazement. "Really?"
You nodded.
The man studied you for a moment before motioning with his hand to follow him.
"I'm Beelzebub, by the way~" He purred.
You made a face at that, feeling rather uncomfortable by his tone choice...
You both walked for awhile before eventually you came up to a large staircase with two shadowy figures guarding each side. They moved out of the way and you stood with Beelzebub at the final step of the staircase...at the top of the stairs was a large black throne, and sitting on that throne was a man with red brown curly hair, rose beige skin, and cold and hard black eyes, wearing a black tunic on his lower half.
He lifted his head that was resting on his hand as the two of you bowed at him.
"And just who have you brought to me this time, Beelzebub...?" The man said coldly as you fidgeted with your fingers.
"With all due respect, my Lord; I have found him in the far fields underneath Mount Olympus!" Beelzebub explained as he bowed.
You waved at him as he stood up from his throne and walked down the stairs and towards you, grabbing your face as if to examine it further, to which you winced at how strong his grip was.
"Look at me..." He demanded, to which you opened your eyes and stared directly at him.
He let go of your face and held out the back of his hand towards you, keeping one hand behind his back.
You looked at him with confusion before eventually you got the idea of what he wanted.
You took his hand and placed a gentle kiss onto it.
When you did however, a sudden wave of pain washed over you as you dropped to your knees and held your head in pain as you felt something sprout from your backside and forehead...
"With this, consider yourself as one of my loyal acquaintances..."
.
.
.
.
.
[2/14/2011]
~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes of course...I'll see you soon, farwell."
Edward ended the call with his boss as he walked down the street to his apartment complex.
Today had been a long day, and he was looking forward to getting back home and relaxing.
As he walked, he couldn't help but get a strange sensation that he was being followed...watched even...
He looked behind him...there was nobody...
"Tsk...probably just someone messing with me..." Edward muttered as he kept walking...
....
You stared from a distance with a hood over your face as you watched your future lover walk away, not having a clue you were following him...
You didn't know why, but for some reason you've been feeling this way for this male mortal for awhile now, but you've decided to just accept it, not thinking much of it.
A lovesick smile crept onto your face as you came out of hiding and continued to follow your beloved...
"̵̳̐̀M̵̤͓̔̈y̸̪̬͑̕n̴̘͝e̷̬̐ ̶̨̛̯̋l̸͈̄o̵̢̠͂̐ṿ̴́e̴͓̼̅t̷̠̑̂ḥ̴̐̀.̵͎̃͠.̷͍̭͋.̵̘̭́Ẇ̸̡͚ē̸̬ ̵̞̽̌ş̸͐̄h̸͈̉a̵̩͚̒͠l̵̨̾̈́l̴̤̔͋ ̷̘̳̆b̷̪͕̓̚ȩ̸͔͌̎ ̶͉̀t̵̻̯̀ö̸̭͕́̎g̵̲̿e̵͉̓́ͅt̷̜͆͋h̵̯͋e̷̝̎ȓ̴̥̺͛ ̸̩͖̽͛f̵͖̣̔̚o̶͎̼͊̇ŗ̷̛̯͝e̴̾̚͜v̶̜͂̏ế̸̮ȑ̵͈̌.̸̣̳͌.̸͇̗̀.̷̡̥̐~̵̗̈́̓"̷̛̘̠͋
.
.
.
[The End]
submitted by Aesthetic_FuckerOwO to GachaClubPOV [link] [comments]
Rhys' past self
⚠️TW: OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR + MURDER + STALKING⚠️
{P.S: I tried to make this as Mythologically and Biblically accurate as possible so please correct me if I got anything wrong please and thank you 🙏 }
---------------------------
[3087 BCE]
~~~~~~~~~
"Awaken..."
You slowly opened your eyes upon hearing a soft voice fill your ears, your vision becoming blurry for a brief moment before become stable. You gazed up at the face of the voice; a rather young looking face with strawberry blonde curly hair and soft almond brown eyes and rose beige skin with rosy cheeks.
The figure smiled warmly at you as you reached out your small hand to them, smiling back at them as you cooed happily.
"I haveth the sensation that thou shalt be a great apprentice for me!" said Cupid.
.
.
.
[3097 BCE]
~~~~~~~~~
"Does thy see those two mortals down there?" Cupid asked as he pointed to a man and woman sitting in a field of flowers.
You nodded as you steadied your bow and arrow and aimed it towards the woman as Cupid aimed his arrow toward the man.
"On my cue, thou shalt unleash their arrow towards the respective target." Cupid instructed as you nodded.
"Yes, master!" You said enthusiastically
"Alright...1..."
You fixed your posture and stretched the arrow back.
"2..."
You paused and lifted your head, something else capturing your eye...
A small girl who looked around your age, with semi-short brunette curly hair and wearing a daisy flower crown with a white tunic to match. She was happily dancing within the field, her movements graceful and carefully practiced.
"3!! Rhys?"
You continued to stare at the girl in awe...she looked so...beautiful...
"Rhys...?"
You felt your heart begin to hammer in and out of your chest, what was this feeling...?
"AMADEUS!!" Cupid's yelling snapped you out of your thoughts.
"Hah?? Oh sorry, master..." You said apologetically as you aimed your bow once again and shot it at the woman. Cupid watched with satisfactory as the man and woman walked away together hand in hand. Meanwhile you? You were still fixated on that girl.
She was just so mesmerizing, gorgeous...cute...
You felt your face heat up as you continued to watch her dance from a distance...
Where you...
In love...?
.
.
.
[3102 BCE]
~~~~~~~~~
This feeling....
This addicting sensation of being in love...
You've grown to obsess over it with no remorse at all...
You never forgot about that girl you saw when you were 10, in fact you've approached her after you saw her and have become friends with her since then. Secretly following her everywhere she went when you two weren't hanging out.
You learned all kinds of things about her; Her hobbies, her interests, and that her name was Calliope...
But it wasn't enough...
You wanted to be more than just a friend to her...
You wanted to hold her in your arms and call her your lover...
You wanted to one day get on one knee and officially make her yours forever...
You wanted more....
M̴̥̀O̷̫͠R̷̜̉E̵̩͉̿!̵̠͓̏̑!̷͑̆͜!̷̜͓͝!̵̼̤̏!̶̘͐!̵͎̇!̸͕͋̐
.
.
.
[3112 BCE]
~~~~~~~~
You're definitely going crazy now...
The only thing on your mind now is Calliope...
And you were perfectly ok with that being the case...
Right now, crimson red blood dripped from your dagger as you stood over the newly deceased bodies of Calliope's best friend, all while she stood behind you; terrified of what you have become...
Then again..you honestly didn't mind this feeling...in fact; it felt nice actually...
"Myne darling Calliope...~" You purred as you turned to look at her, a psychotic expression painting your face with eyes filled with lovesickness. "What hath made thou believe they could betray me so easily...? Doth art thou not love me...?"
Calliope backed away terrified as she looked at you with fear and anger in her eyes, she then shook her head. "No!! I will never love someone like you!!! You're a monster!!! A murderer!!!" She yelled.
You frowned at this...
She hated you...?
But...
But...You did everything for her!!!
YOU GAVE HER EVERYTHING YOU COULD OFFER HER AND THIS IS HOW SHE REPAYS YOU?!?!?!
No.....
No!!!!
N̷̰̺̐O̵̮̘̽!̸͚̓́!̴͇̯̏!̶̧̼͂!̵̢̎̌!̸͇̲̊̈́͠!̷̠̹͕̕!̸̪͔͚̍̏!̴͍̪̥́̌̇!̷̭̣̃̉!̵̨͚́͗
Your left eye twitched as you approached her slowly, twirling the dagger in between your fingers...
You crouched down in front of her as she looked at you with the same fear in her eyes and you looked back at her with eyes filled with anger...
"If I can not have thy..."
You pinned Calliope to the ground and raised the dagger over your head.
"̵̍͜͠N̴̻̦̽ỏ̶̰͠b̵̥̐͑̓ơ̸͎̠ḑ̴̣̫̋y̴̯̬̔̇ ̴͚̍̅͜c̷̳̻̹̆â̶̲͈̈́̚ͅǹ̵̝͈͖.̷̻͙́̏̌.̴̞̖̆.̶̺̱̒͝.̵̡̳̍̇̄"̸͕̗̊
And just like that....Calliope was dead...
You stared blankly at her as a pool of red formed underneath her, a sinister curl creeping onto your lips...
Just then...
"AMADEUS!!! WHAT HATH THYNE DONE?!?!?!"
You whipped your head around to see Aphrodite and Cupid standing behind you with Zeus, all three of them staring with horror at the scene...
Oh no...
.
.
.
"THROW THEM DOWN!! THROW THEM DOWN!! THROW THEM DOWN!!"
The crowd chanted as two guards hauled you off towards the edge of the mountain...
You struggles immensely against the strong grip of the the two soldiers, trying to break free, but to no avail
"UNHAND ME AT ONCE, YOU PATHETIC BASTARDS!!" You yelled at the guards as they ignored you and brought you closer to the edge.
The very edge that led down to Hell...Where once you entered...there was no return...
"Demigod Amadeus, doth thyne have any final words before their eviction?"
You huffed and whipped your head around to look over at Cupid...your mentor...who was doing nothing but just standing there and watching this happen to you...He backed away nervously as you glared at him with fury.
"I wish that thy is to burn in Hell...." You spat at him...
And with that...You found yourself being thrown off the edge of the mountain...
You watched mindlessly as the peak of Olympus became smaller...and smaller...and smaller...
Until you eventually disappeared into the depths of the Earth...
.
.
.
.
.
Ugh...my head...
You slowly lifted your weak and aching body up once you began to regain your vision and the world around you stopped spinning...
You looked around and saw you were no longer in the glorious fields of Mount Olympus...but you were in an area surrounded by crimson red mist and bright orange flames, both big and small, everywhere.
Where am I...?
You staggered to your feet just as someone walked up to you. A man with short wavy black hair, pale ivory skin, and fierce red eyes wearing nothing but a grey silk robe.
You looked up at the stranger with curious eyes as he stared coldly at you, soon grinning.
"Greetings, newcomer. What brings you here?" He asked you as he tilted his head.
"Errr...I am Rhys...or Amadeus as they call me...I am the former apprentice of Cupid!" You said as you bowed nervously.
The man chuckled. "There is no need to bow. I insist. Do tell me, what is the reason you are here?"
You looked off to the side nervously. "I hath committed two persecutions on two different mortals..."
The man looked at you with amazement. "Really?"
You nodded.
The man studied you for a moment before motioning with his hand to follow him.
"I'm Beelzebub, by the way~" He purred.
You made a face at that, feeling rather uncomfortable by his tone choice...
You both walked for awhile before eventually you came up to a large staircase with two shadowy figures guarding each side. They moved out of the way and you stood with Beelzebub at the final step of the staircase...at the top of the stairs was a large black throne, and sitting on that throne was a man with red brown curly hair, rose beige skin, and cold and hard black eyes, wearing a black tunic on his lower half.
He lifted his head that was resting on his hand as the two of you bowed at him.
"And just who have you brought to me this time, Beelzebub...?" The man said coldly as you fidgeted with your fingers.
"With all due respect, my Lord; I have found him in the far fields underneath Mount Olympus!" Beelzebub explained as he bowed.
You waved at him as he stood up from his throne and walked down the stairs and towards you, grabbing your face as if to examine it further, to which you winced at how strong his grip was.
"Look at me..." He demanded, to which you opened your eyes and stared directly at him.
He let go of your face and held out the back of his hand towards you, keeping one hand behind his back.
You looked at him with confusion before eventually you got the idea of what he wanted.
You took his hand and placed a gentle kiss onto it.
When you did however, a sudden wave of pain washed over you as you dropped to your knees and held your head in pain as you felt something sprout from your backside and forehead...
"With this, consider yourself as one of my loyal acquaintances..."
.
.
.
.
.
[2/14/2011]
~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes of course...I'll see you soon, farwell."
Edward ended the call with his boss as he walked down the street to his apartment complex.
Today had been a long day, and he was looking forward to getting back home and relaxing.
As he walked, he couldn't help but get a strange sensation that he was being followed...watched even...
He looked behind him...there was nobody...
"Tsk...probably just someone messing with me..." Edward muttered as he kept walking...
....
You stared from a distance with a hood over your face as you watched your future lover walk away, not having a clue you were following him...
You didn't know why, but for some reason you've been feeling this way for this male mortal for awhile now, but you've decided to just accept it, not thinking much of it.
A lovesick smile crept onto your face as you came out of hiding and continued to follow your beloved...
"̵̳̐̀M̵̤͓̔̈y̸̪̬͑̕n̴̘͝e̷̬̐ ̶̨̛̯̋l̸͈̄o̵̢̠͂̐ṿ̴́e̴͓̼̅t̷̠̑̂ḥ̴̐̀.̵͎̃͠.̷͍̭͋.̵̘̭́Ẇ̸̡͚ē̸̬ ̵̞̽̌ş̸͐̄h̸͈̉a̵̩͚̒͠l̵̨̾̈́l̴̤̔͋ ̷̘̳̆b̷̪͕̓̚ȩ̸͔͌̎ ̶͉̀t̵̻̯̀ö̸̭͕́̎g̵̲̿e̵͉̓́ͅt̷̜͆͋h̵̯͋e̷̝̎ȓ̴̥̺͛ ̸̩͖̽͛f̵͖̣̔̚o̶͎̼͊̇ŗ̷̛̯͝e̴̾̚͜v̶̜͂̏ế̸̮ȑ̵͈̌.̸̣̳͌.̸͇̗̀.̷̡̥̐~̵̗̈́̓"̷̛̘̠͋
.
.
.
[The End]
2023.05.29 02:14 RomanticLextra Anyone out there with bpd and is dating a polyamorous person that can give me some advice about how to overcome my feelings?
I (he/they) have bpd and C-PTSD and a history of abusive exes that all cheated on me. I’m now in a long term relationship of almost 7 years with a good healthy person (they/them) who happens to be polyamorous and has another long term partner (who is their wife). My partner is an amazingly supportive person who pushes me to grow and figure out my mental health a lot. My partner has talked about wanting to open the relationship back up on and off but more strongly recently. They aren’t really looking for another committed partner but more like casual fwb like things.
The problem is I get a series of reactions between both my CPTSD and bpd when this topic comes up, even though deep down I would want my partner to feel free and happy to do stuff with others. While I’m getting better as the years go by, I’m still struggling with opening the relationship now. I’m trying to get better treatment for the bpd and do more dbt with my therapist, and I’ve gotten better with the CPTSD as well. But I slip into an episode when we try to discuss this further.
I hate that I still struggle so much and I keep crying when I want to be calm. The abandonment issues flare up even though mentally I know my partner isn’t doing this because they want to leave me or hurt me like so many others have or because I’m lacking in the relationship. I do have times when I’m jealous of my partner’s wife but I’ve gotten better about things and me and the wife are like best friends now. But when I think of a new person coming in I can’t help get angry and jealous at the thought of future casual fwb and then it becomes depression and lots of negative self talk (that I know probably isn’t true). I keep finding myself becoming more depressed thinking my future is just going to be filled with more pain and like what’s even the point of working so hard for a future together if there’s going to be these other people I don’t want in it. My brain just keeps jumping around and giving me a lot of painful situations. It’s just a lot of black and white thinking and not even opening up the possibility that this could be good for both of us (even tho I know it might be logically). I want to get better so if these situations become reality I’ll feel ok and ultimately give my partner that freedom to express themselves. Again my partner has been so patient and good to me and I just feel fundamentally broken inside. I have opened up to my partner about my fears and insecurities and they’ve been very gentle and supportive. But I’m still stuck. I’m just struggling and would like any advice for anyone in a similar situation.
Like how do you deal with the feelings about new potential fwb, the crushing feelings of abandonment and not being enough, and the jealous of wanting more attention/affection from your partner even if it is unrealistic.
submitted by RomanticLextra to BPD [link] [comments]
The problem is I get a series of reactions between both my CPTSD and bpd when this topic comes up, even though deep down I would want my partner to feel free and happy to do stuff with others. While I’m getting better as the years go by, I’m still struggling with opening the relationship now. I’m trying to get better treatment for the bpd and do more dbt with my therapist, and I’ve gotten better with the CPTSD as well. But I slip into an episode when we try to discuss this further.
I hate that I still struggle so much and I keep crying when I want to be calm. The abandonment issues flare up even though mentally I know my partner isn’t doing this because they want to leave me or hurt me like so many others have or because I’m lacking in the relationship. I do have times when I’m jealous of my partner’s wife but I’ve gotten better about things and me and the wife are like best friends now. But when I think of a new person coming in I can’t help get angry and jealous at the thought of future casual fwb and then it becomes depression and lots of negative self talk (that I know probably isn’t true). I keep finding myself becoming more depressed thinking my future is just going to be filled with more pain and like what’s even the point of working so hard for a future together if there’s going to be these other people I don’t want in it. My brain just keeps jumping around and giving me a lot of painful situations. It’s just a lot of black and white thinking and not even opening up the possibility that this could be good for both of us (even tho I know it might be logically). I want to get better so if these situations become reality I’ll feel ok and ultimately give my partner that freedom to express themselves. Again my partner has been so patient and good to me and I just feel fundamentally broken inside. I have opened up to my partner about my fears and insecurities and they’ve been very gentle and supportive. But I’m still stuck. I’m just struggling and would like any advice for anyone in a similar situation.
Like how do you deal with the feelings about new potential fwb, the crushing feelings of abandonment and not being enough, and the jealous of wanting more attention/affection from your partner even if it is unrealistic.
2023.05.29 02:11 MaximusTheGreat29 WARNO vs SD2 vs Wargame: RD vs Broken Arrow vs Regiments
I’m currently looking at the war game genre to branch out my gaming content. Really only looking to buy 1-3 games. I have never played any war game and all the following information is what I concluded from viewing reddits, YouTube videos and steam threads. I’d appreciate any feedback and recommendations.
WARNO “Wargame: Red Dragon” sequel. Better QoL + graphics. Early access (?). Unsure about multiplayer + single player scene.
Steel Division 2 WW2 Game. More micro-manage compared to the other war games. It has smart orders (?) and better QoL compared to WG:RD. Game is “finished” + cheaper. Good AI + single player campaign. Unsure about the multiplayer aspect of the game compared to WG:RD.
https://www.reddit.com/wargame/comments/zy3lw1/steel_division_2_found_it_too_overwhelming/
Wargame: Red Dragon Very “outdated” graphics + game mechanics. However, I have heard that the playerbase is still highly active and the multiplayer scene is amazing. Game is “finished” + cheaper.
Broken Arrow Early Access, but the demo showcased entry into buildings and beach landings.
Regiments Early Access? Cold War RTS game. Not much to comment on. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vXbyB5K_vfM&pp=ygUScmVnaW1lbnRzIGdhbWVwbGF5
Misc: - Napoleon Total War (NTW3 - mod of NTW) and Men of War Two Assault Squad 2 (occasionally) player - I absolutely hate the MoWa mechanic where I have to micromanage medic heal every single person who gets downed. It’s an absolute medic simulator and I don’t find it very fun. I usually just play in the editor and create my own battles. - NTW3 - I love the aspect of line battles and whatnot. Not heavily micromanage reliant as MoWa2.
Questions 1. Which game is grindier to achieve cards/sets? Like which game requires more commitment to unlock cards/decks? Example: CoD has XP requirements to access certain guns, putting you at a heavy disadvantage compared to players with more game time and with a larger arsenal of guns. I just want to jump into a battle.
submitted by MaximusTheGreat29 to ShouldIbuythisgame [link] [comments]
WARNO “Wargame: Red Dragon” sequel. Better QoL + graphics. Early access (?). Unsure about multiplayer + single player scene.
Steel Division 2 WW2 Game. More micro-manage compared to the other war games. It has smart orders (?) and better QoL compared to WG:RD. Game is “finished” + cheaper. Good AI + single player campaign. Unsure about the multiplayer aspect of the game compared to WG:RD.
https://www.reddit.com/wargame/comments/zy3lw1/steel_division_2_found_it_too_overwhelming/
Wargame: Red Dragon Very “outdated” graphics + game mechanics. However, I have heard that the playerbase is still highly active and the multiplayer scene is amazing. Game is “finished” + cheaper.
Broken Arrow Early Access, but the demo showcased entry into buildings and beach landings.
Regiments Early Access? Cold War RTS game. Not much to comment on. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vXbyB5K_vfM&pp=ygUScmVnaW1lbnRzIGdhbWVwbGF5
Misc: - Napoleon Total War (NTW3 - mod of NTW) and Men of War Two Assault Squad 2 (occasionally) player - I absolutely hate the MoWa mechanic where I have to micromanage medic heal every single person who gets downed. It’s an absolute medic simulator and I don’t find it very fun. I usually just play in the editor and create my own battles. - NTW3 - I love the aspect of line battles and whatnot. Not heavily micromanage reliant as MoWa2.
Questions 1. Which game is grindier to achieve cards/sets? Like which game requires more commitment to unlock cards/decks? Example: CoD has XP requirements to access certain guns, putting you at a heavy disadvantage compared to players with more game time and with a larger arsenal of guns. I just want to jump into a battle.
- Which game has less micromanage? What game is highly micromanage reliant and is highly tedious (i.e. MoWa2 healing simulator)?
- What is the multiplayer scene like for each game? Is the community highly active? Is there a massive skill gap between new and veteran players (i.e. WG:RD according to Reddit threads)?
2023.05.29 02:11 lemontuct A week in the state of mortal sin changed my outlook
This is just a long winded, rambling post about the latest installment in my faith journey. Not exactly relevant or important, I just want to share it because there’s no one in my life I can really discuss this kind of stuff with:
1 week ago I went to confession before mass to get absolution for a sin that I have been falling into frequently as of late. In the moments leading up to the sin I went through the mental process of justifying my actions by saying “it’ll only be two days until I go back to confession and return to a state of grace, so it’s no big deal.” In my heart I knew this logic was sinful in its own way but didn’t know that it was classified as it’s own category of sin. Presumption; willfully separating yourself from God’s grace with the knowledge that all it will take to return is a quick pit stop in the confessional. An entirely disordered view of God’s mercy that turns one of his greatest gifts into a transactional exchange akin to a vending machine. Once I read up on this I knew I had to confess to my mindset prior to the sin as well.
Still, I thought no big deal, just add this “presumption” thing to the list. I was absolutely blindsided when my priest told me “I won’t be able to provide you with absolution today.” What? What else does he expect? I’ve been entirely honest, I don’t want to offend God anymore, I have my issues but I’m doing a lot better than all the soft-bellied Catholics and Atheists I interact with everyday. He went on to explain that I wasn’t doing enough to remove myself from the near occasion of sin, and my presumptive mindset indicated that I lacked a firm purposed of amendment. He told me he needed to see some minor changes in my life to make a real resolution away from my sinful ways before he could provide a valid absolution. He gave me a couple small tasks to make it easier to stay away from sin and told me to come back to confession as soon as they were complete, even later that day if I was so inclined.
I left the confessional feeling pretty upset. I saw his point of view and the reasoning behind his decision, but I felt embarrassed and almost abandoned. I began to mentally lash out, feeling like a toddler on the edge of a tantrum because I was sent to bed without dessert. Now I have to sit through this entire mass without even receiving communion, what was the point? I might as well just leave.
Cooler heads prevailed as I remembered the importance of obedience and also knowing I didn’t want to commit further sin by not fulfilling my weekly obligation. As the parish went up for communion, I knelt in my pew almost pouting. I realized that the sting of truly being separated from God’s grace was more than a figurative idea to get you to come clean in the confessional before next Sunday. Instead it was a very real place of distance from God, a severed line of communication that leaves you feeling cold and lonely.
When mass was over I immediately took care of what I needed to, ensuring the occasion of sin was at least a few layers of protection away from me. I went back to a later mass time to take advantage of confession, but to my dismay there was a size-able line. As the minutes ticked by and I was still a few spots away from the confessional, I knew I wasn’t going to get a chance to receive absolution. I went home and tried to figure out a way to get to confession during the week. My new job has me working long hours and is a lengthy commute from my home, in the opposite direction of my church. There are other churches by my work but none with regular confession times that would work, and asking a total stranger priest to meet me for confession in the late evening felt too selfish. So I went about my week, praying to our Holy Mother each morning to keep me away from the devil’s snares, praying a daily rosary for the first time in months, and actually reading the Gospel for a change.
I began to feel this reinvigoration of my spirit and entire faith-life. I felt farther away from temptation than I had in ages, but the feeling was bitter sweet. While I knew my prayers were being heard, and Jesus was still walking with me, the sting of separation was still there as the stain of mortal sin can’t simply be prayed away. Each day I had to remind myself just how far I was from God’s full grace, and I spent hours reflecting on my sinful ways and the casual attitude towards grievous sin I had allowed to enter my life.
I woke up this morning feeling excited, my long awaited reunion with our Lord was finally here. I felt like a kid on Christmas. I rushed down to church and was first in line for the confessional. I explained to the priest everything I had done in the past week to truly amend my life and stay away from temptation and it finally happened. As he uttered the prayer of absolution, tears began to flow. A true moment of personal triumph, an ecstatic reunion with the full grace of God. A sacrament I had taken entirely for granted all of a sudden had an entirely new sense of consequence.
I write all of this in an attempt to help those of us who struggle with repeatedly falling into mortal sin. After a while reconciliation can feel like going through the motions, one thing to check off the to-do list. None of the Holy Sacraments should ever feel that way. Just a friendly reminder that God’s gifts aren’t to be taken lightly or taken advantage of. Hopefully through prayer, penance and charity we can all progress in our faith journey and grow closer to our Lord each day. God bless
submitted by lemontuct to Catholicism [link] [comments]
1 week ago I went to confession before mass to get absolution for a sin that I have been falling into frequently as of late. In the moments leading up to the sin I went through the mental process of justifying my actions by saying “it’ll only be two days until I go back to confession and return to a state of grace, so it’s no big deal.” In my heart I knew this logic was sinful in its own way but didn’t know that it was classified as it’s own category of sin. Presumption; willfully separating yourself from God’s grace with the knowledge that all it will take to return is a quick pit stop in the confessional. An entirely disordered view of God’s mercy that turns one of his greatest gifts into a transactional exchange akin to a vending machine. Once I read up on this I knew I had to confess to my mindset prior to the sin as well.
Still, I thought no big deal, just add this “presumption” thing to the list. I was absolutely blindsided when my priest told me “I won’t be able to provide you with absolution today.” What? What else does he expect? I’ve been entirely honest, I don’t want to offend God anymore, I have my issues but I’m doing a lot better than all the soft-bellied Catholics and Atheists I interact with everyday. He went on to explain that I wasn’t doing enough to remove myself from the near occasion of sin, and my presumptive mindset indicated that I lacked a firm purposed of amendment. He told me he needed to see some minor changes in my life to make a real resolution away from my sinful ways before he could provide a valid absolution. He gave me a couple small tasks to make it easier to stay away from sin and told me to come back to confession as soon as they were complete, even later that day if I was so inclined.
I left the confessional feeling pretty upset. I saw his point of view and the reasoning behind his decision, but I felt embarrassed and almost abandoned. I began to mentally lash out, feeling like a toddler on the edge of a tantrum because I was sent to bed without dessert. Now I have to sit through this entire mass without even receiving communion, what was the point? I might as well just leave.
Cooler heads prevailed as I remembered the importance of obedience and also knowing I didn’t want to commit further sin by not fulfilling my weekly obligation. As the parish went up for communion, I knelt in my pew almost pouting. I realized that the sting of truly being separated from God’s grace was more than a figurative idea to get you to come clean in the confessional before next Sunday. Instead it was a very real place of distance from God, a severed line of communication that leaves you feeling cold and lonely.
When mass was over I immediately took care of what I needed to, ensuring the occasion of sin was at least a few layers of protection away from me. I went back to a later mass time to take advantage of confession, but to my dismay there was a size-able line. As the minutes ticked by and I was still a few spots away from the confessional, I knew I wasn’t going to get a chance to receive absolution. I went home and tried to figure out a way to get to confession during the week. My new job has me working long hours and is a lengthy commute from my home, in the opposite direction of my church. There are other churches by my work but none with regular confession times that would work, and asking a total stranger priest to meet me for confession in the late evening felt too selfish. So I went about my week, praying to our Holy Mother each morning to keep me away from the devil’s snares, praying a daily rosary for the first time in months, and actually reading the Gospel for a change.
I began to feel this reinvigoration of my spirit and entire faith-life. I felt farther away from temptation than I had in ages, but the feeling was bitter sweet. While I knew my prayers were being heard, and Jesus was still walking with me, the sting of separation was still there as the stain of mortal sin can’t simply be prayed away. Each day I had to remind myself just how far I was from God’s full grace, and I spent hours reflecting on my sinful ways and the casual attitude towards grievous sin I had allowed to enter my life.
I woke up this morning feeling excited, my long awaited reunion with our Lord was finally here. I felt like a kid on Christmas. I rushed down to church and was first in line for the confessional. I explained to the priest everything I had done in the past week to truly amend my life and stay away from temptation and it finally happened. As he uttered the prayer of absolution, tears began to flow. A true moment of personal triumph, an ecstatic reunion with the full grace of God. A sacrament I had taken entirely for granted all of a sudden had an entirely new sense of consequence.
I write all of this in an attempt to help those of us who struggle with repeatedly falling into mortal sin. After a while reconciliation can feel like going through the motions, one thing to check off the to-do list. None of the Holy Sacraments should ever feel that way. Just a friendly reminder that God’s gifts aren’t to be taken lightly or taken advantage of. Hopefully through prayer, penance and charity we can all progress in our faith journey and grow closer to our Lord each day. God bless
2023.05.29 02:11 Forealus HSS BROKEN ARROW. Ignore the failed paint job.
 | submitted by Forealus to SpaceHaven [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 02:10 sillaygoober Alone & I feel like theres no way to get better
Recently I finally realized that what I've been going through has been c-ptsd (and a plethora of other things), and its from my parents. Although, most adults in my life have hurt or abused me in some way, teachers and other family members included.
I've been dissociating since I was a child and I dont even feel human. I try to talk to my friends sometimes, because its hard to keep everything bottled up, and they go silent, disregard my emotions to talk about their own struggles, or give a half-assed, "that sucks, sorry," before moving on. I want to be there for them and I love comforting them, I want them to know I can be there for them, but it feels like I give everything and they give nothing. And I let them.
I feel like everyone sees me as this crazy lonely idiot. I've never really had anyone truly love me in my life, and I think it's turned me into this terrible person. I am 20f and still live with my parents, who I continue to experience traumatic experiences with. I feel like I cant escape, like theres no hope. I feel so broken. No one will listen or care. I used to go to therapy, but the second I actually started opening up, my therapist through me into the psychward; it was a terrible experience. I can't do anything, I barely survived high school and I barely remember it. Im like a walking corpse. I don't have anyone in my life, I feel alone, and my pain feels insignificant. It took me so long to realize I was even traumatized because my feelings have always been ignored & nobody ever believes me, I think it's because I'm the 'comic relief friend' so they dont expect me to have real emotions.
I don't think I've felt happy in years. I'm always on edge and paranoid and scared due to my trauma. It happened when I was a child. I kept telling myself I would move on eventually, but its been nearly a decade. I feel like my life begins and ends in my childhood home, in my childhood room. I cant let myself live no matter how hard I try. I want to be ok. I want support, and I want friends who love me. I don't know why thats so hard to ask for. I feel like I cant get better if I'm still living with my parents. I feel like I dont even deserve love, no matter how much I want it. I'm so used to being alone my entire life, I feel guilt when people talk to me or look at me. Im a disgusting monster.
I'm sorry, this post turned into me complaining and whining. I don't have anywhere else to go, feel free to ignore. just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere so they aren't trapped in my brain. Thank you if you've read this far, I don't make reddit posts often so I apologize if I did anything wrong. sorry for spelling errors as well
submitted by sillaygoober to CPTSD [link] [comments]
I've been dissociating since I was a child and I dont even feel human. I try to talk to my friends sometimes, because its hard to keep everything bottled up, and they go silent, disregard my emotions to talk about their own struggles, or give a half-assed, "that sucks, sorry," before moving on. I want to be there for them and I love comforting them, I want them to know I can be there for them, but it feels like I give everything and they give nothing. And I let them.
I feel like everyone sees me as this crazy lonely idiot. I've never really had anyone truly love me in my life, and I think it's turned me into this terrible person. I am 20f and still live with my parents, who I continue to experience traumatic experiences with. I feel like I cant escape, like theres no hope. I feel so broken. No one will listen or care. I used to go to therapy, but the second I actually started opening up, my therapist through me into the psychward; it was a terrible experience. I can't do anything, I barely survived high school and I barely remember it. Im like a walking corpse. I don't have anyone in my life, I feel alone, and my pain feels insignificant. It took me so long to realize I was even traumatized because my feelings have always been ignored & nobody ever believes me, I think it's because I'm the 'comic relief friend' so they dont expect me to have real emotions.
I don't think I've felt happy in years. I'm always on edge and paranoid and scared due to my trauma. It happened when I was a child. I kept telling myself I would move on eventually, but its been nearly a decade. I feel like my life begins and ends in my childhood home, in my childhood room. I cant let myself live no matter how hard I try. I want to be ok. I want support, and I want friends who love me. I don't know why thats so hard to ask for. I feel like I cant get better if I'm still living with my parents. I feel like I dont even deserve love, no matter how much I want it. I'm so used to being alone my entire life, I feel guilt when people talk to me or look at me. Im a disgusting monster.
I'm sorry, this post turned into me complaining and whining. I don't have anywhere else to go, feel free to ignore. just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere so they aren't trapped in my brain. Thank you if you've read this far, I don't make reddit posts often so I apologize if I did anything wrong. sorry for spelling errors as well
2023.05.29 02:09 MaximusTheGreat29 WARNO vs Regiments vs SD2 vs Broken Arrow vs WG:RD
 | submitted by MaximusTheGreat29 to Steel_Division [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 01:48 Brave-Inevitable-554 I was abused by someone in the Catholic community and sadly church reminds me of this now.
I was abused growing up by a member of the Catholic parish and sadly I have days where I think "I bet someone in here is also an abuser" or "I don't deserve to be here because I was abused" etc but I should be focused on mass. What can I do here to refocus on God and God's word during mass?
submitted by Brave-Inevitable-554 to AskAPriest [link] [comments]
2023.05.29 01:39 HeatProper children hurting each other shouldn't be dismissed
Hello. Relavent to this story. I was born male but transitioned to female. When me and my brother were children. He enjoyed hitting me. Especially in my stomach. I didn't like fighting. Even when I tried it would turn into a beat down. He was 4 years older and I was never very strong. I was weaker than most boys my age. When I would complain I was told by my father that my brother hit me to get a reaction and that I should not react. But I didn't know how to. My brother is the non reactive one. He once dropped a trailer with a motorcycle on it and the stand of the trailer went through his foot. He didn't shed a tear. He just told someone he should go to the hospital. But I was the one who cried when I was hurt or scared. Or I would cry because I needed something. I was very emotional and still am. And one day. My brother turned 18. And while in church. My brother walked up before service started and kicked me hard in my shin for no reason. Ya know what my father did? He became angry. He threatened to have my brother thrown off the property. (My father ran this church). So what changed? My brother was an adult. Hurting possibly injuring a minor. That's when legal shit enters the picture. So it wasn't enough my brother caused me physical and emotional pain. But when legal shit enters the picture all of a sudden what my brother was doing is not ok. Why was it ok before? It's better to hit a child? I was always a girl in my mind. I knew it as a child. And the funny thing is if I was born biologically female I'm pretty sure emy father would have stopped it sooner. But I couldn't do a thing. I relied on adults to protect me. But they didn't protect me. I sometimes think about that little girl. And how I wish I could protect her.
submitted by HeatProper to emotionalneglect [link] [comments]