Just wanted to jump on and give a rundown of what I did. I had an amazing time and I was really grateful for all the advice and tips I got here. It really helped me settle in and have an amazing time.
I practice a lot of fasting so I didn’t eat as much as many people on here, but for me it was a lot!
Here’s what I did:
Day 1
Arrived to my hotel at Creole Gardens Guesthouse, which is a fabulous gem of a place in the lower garden district.
It was getting late and I was hungry so I followed their recommendation of eating at Superior Seafood and Oyster. I had a crawfish cake type appetiser and a salad. As an Australian, I found both to be really sweet and also really salty at the same time.
I caught the streetcar along St Charles to get there, and it was lovely, but deciding to walk the same route back wasn’t such a great vibe when it got dark. Ubers at dusk!
Day 2
I couldn’t resist my urge to walk, so after researching the neighbourhoods and so on, I walked over to Bearcat in the CBD. This was the first of many times I crossed under the interstate and it was fine. The homeless folks there are just doing their best and I had no trouble.
At bearcat I was intending just to have a coffee, but the vibe was that just sitting to have a drink isn’t really what they want. The latte in a nice pottery mug was really good, but the keto pancakes were a bit meh, and I didn’t finish them.
Then I trekked along Chatres to the Pharmacy museum, which was fantastic; I spent a good while in there.
I decided to check out Verti Marte for lunch, not realising it doesn’t have any seating. Loved the vibe of the proprieter and hoped to get back another day. His mate pointed me up to the french market so after consulting reddit I tried meals from the heart. I ordered a crab cake and after paying the equivalent of $25 Aussie I received one small crab cake on a shred of lettuce. I guess for the money I hoped it would be more substantial. It was real crab and very fresh, but a bit of a bank breaker when I am getting just 61c to the aussie dollar!
After that I wandered on the treme end of bourbon street, went to the Jazz museum and saw the Louis prima exhibit and then did a Passby the touristy end of bourbon. That was already enough for me.
After a freshen up I looked for dinner and tried Corporation Bar and Grill which is meant to have great authentic new orleans specials. It only serves lunch though so as a non drinker I had a club soda and fed the house doggo cheezits. I was getting pretty hungry though and maybe even hangry after the false starts so I ended up at Gus’s World famous fried chicken and had some chicken and fried pickles. It was very good!
Later on I went to the jam at the Royal Frenchman Hotel. Good sounds and I met a guitarist from local band The Swinging Gypsies, who invited me to sit in with his band the next day. Dream come true. I agreed enthusiastically!
Day 3
I needed some slow vibes so I caught the streetcar up St Charles all the way to Upline in Uptown and then wandered along Magazine St checking out all the shops. I started with La Boulangerie and they make a great iced latte there. Very authentic.
I went to every vintage store on the way back towards the quarter and had brunch at Atchafalaya. I had the crab po’boy there and I think that was where I realised that I just don’t love southern food. It was good, crispy fried crab in the bread, but like everywhere else I found it salty and the bread sweet. It was a lovely spot to sit though and others seemed to be diggin’ their meals.
I walked all the way back to my guesthouse along magazine st, and did some great shopping at places along the way.
I met with Kook Teflon, a local medium and ancestral guide and did a great reading a d workshop with her. I highly recommend her to anyone interested in that sort of work. She’s also an amazing performance artist.
I got dolled up for the gig and headed over to Fritzels to see the Swinging Gypsies. They were bloody amazing, and I was invited to sing three songs with them. I felt like all my Christmases had come at once!
After the gig I did another walk down bourbon. Woah! It’s really intense especially if you don’t drink and are in a chill solo vibe! When I got back to the guesthouse my body was screaming for salad, so I ordered a vietnamese vermicelli salad from Ba Chi Canteen. It was huge and could have fed a family!
Day 4
I did High Priest Robi’s Voodou tour and it was an absolute highlight. Robi is an incredible historian and a real Character. He is not for the faint of heart but he is going to give you an incredible insight into real Voudou and the history of Congo square.
After the tour I decided to try a beignet and had some from Lorettas for brunch. I really did enjoy them they were absolutely delish. I got plain ones and listened to a band at the french market.
I then wandered around again and bought some perfume at Hove, which is also an historical experience.
My body was still screaming for fresh food so for dinner I went to Carmo. Oh my lord it is amazing! I had the Burmese fermented tea leaf salad and creole fish ceviche. Their mocktail was amazing and I was so enamoured of the food I ended with this Armenian ‘Banquette bread’ which was like a flat bread pan fried with banana, cinnamon and harvarti. Absolute winner!
Preservation hall after that and Haruka Kikuchi on the trombone with the allstars was a total winner!
Another walk down bourbon on the way home. It was even crazier as the long weekend approached!
Day 5
I wanted to see some nature and get in touch with the land so I signed up for the nola kayak tours morning trip. It was a great experience and we saw a gator, turtles, snakes and the guide gave us some great info about the manchak swamp region.
I’d hoped to go on a cemetery tour with Sally from Red Sash tours, she is the expert and has written books on the topic, but ai had another tour of treme in the evening planned so thought my dance card was full. Well the dude pulled out last minute which sucked, so I missed out on Sally’s tour as well.
I walked along the river and up magazine st to Surreys where my uber driver had recommended I eat. Nice place and I gave southern food one more try with shrimp And grits. I am sure it was a really good shrimp and grits but I realised it’s just not for me. Creamy savoury porridge with prawns. No!
Later I headed to Frenchman st to see some tunes and who did I spy at Bamboulas but the Swinging Gypsies. I went in for a drink and before I knew it I was singing with the band again!
After that I went to the spotted cat and saw the incredible all female jazz band The Shake it up jazz band, with Haruka Kikuchi on bone again. What a vibe that was!
I was pretty tired after the kayak tour where I had a double kayak alone in a strong headwind so i walked back to my guesthouse via carmo again. It was that good!
I walked about 18,000 steps a day, had many a culinary experience and really felt the magic of New Orleans.
I missed out on Toups, Verti Mart, the sculpture garden and city park, the tree of life uptown, bacchanal, oscar rossignoli at snug harbour, palm and pine, igors laundry and so much more! Next time I hope!

[US/US] [SELL] [PERFUME]

• RIS (received in swap/purchased secondhand) / PBM (purchased by me/direct from brand) / BNNU (brand new never used) / FWP (free with purchase), slinks are usually ~0.7ml
  
• Paypal G&S, shipping $4
  
• some labels might be stained/torn/worn, which I don't always note
  
• samples can be hard to estimate what's left but I try to note any that seem less than half full
  
• feel free to ask if you want more detail/photos
  
• might be slow to respond, better to send PM than chat (if needed)
  

​
INDIE
• Arcana Love, PBM, ~1.25ml (vanilla accord, fresh cream, sugarcane, soft musk, a pinch of tea leaves) $5
• Arcana Paddling the Pink Canoe, PBM, ~1.25ml, label a little stained (dragonsblood, vintage patchouli, citron, pink salt, pink musk, amber) $5
• Arcana Spark, PBM, ~1.25ml (Regina cherries, roasted coffee beans, Mexican vanilla, rich black earth, sweet smoke) $5
• Kyse Macarons, RIS, 1ml, label ruined/illegible (heliotrope, marzipan, hint of cherry, caramelized sugar, velvety vanilla custard, a soft smooth myrrh) $1
• Osmofolia Black Walnut, PBM, 1ml (bergamot, cardamom, black walnut husks, walnuts, dead leaves) $2.50
• Osmofolia Waxing Crescent, PBM, 1ml (gardenia, cold night air, tuberose, Bulgarian lavender, lavender maillette, lavender absolute, white musk, vanilla bean, spice) $2.50
• Stereoplasm Comet Corn, RIS, 1.8ml rollerball (crunchy clods of caramel corn with coconut-cream chocolate, jet puffed marshmallow, Europa sea salt) $2.50
​
LESS INDIE
• Anna Sui Sky, RIS, 2ml spray (pear, bergamot, pink pepper, Lily-of-the-Valley, lotus, rose, popcorn, vanilla, musk) $2
• Carolina Herrera Good Girl, RIS, 1.5ml spray (almond, coffee, bergamot, lemon, tuberose, jasmine sambac, orange blossom, orris, Bulgarian rose, tonka bean, cacao, vanilla, praline, sandalwood, musk, amber, cashmere wood, cinnamon, patchouli, cedar) $2
• Clean Reserve Skin, RIS, 1.5ml spray (praline, musk, salt, tonka bean, leather) $2
• Francesca Bianchi Angel's Dust, PBM, slink (black pepper, mimosa, rose, iris, musk, sandalwood, tolu balsam, benjoin, vanilla) $3
• MMM Beach Walk, RIS, 1.2ml spray, never tested (lemon, bergamot, pink pepper, coconut milk, ylang-ylang, heliotrope, musk, benzoin, cedar) $2
• MMM By The Fireplace, RIS, 1.2ml spray (cloves, pink pepper, orange blossom, chestnut, guaiac wood, juniper, vanilla, peru balsam, cashmeran) $2
• Monyette Coquette Tropique oil, PBM, 3.75ml rollerball (hibiscus, gardenia, plumeria, French Anjou pear, Madagascar vanilla) $8
• Parfums De Nicolai Cologne Cedrat, PBM, slink (cedrat (citron), bergamot, black pepper, patchouli) $3
• Parfums De Nicolai Kiss Me Intense, PBM, slink (heliotrope, vanilla, aniseed, almond, fresh cut hay) $3
• Parfums De Nicolai Violette in Love, PBM, slink (Italian lemon, blackcurrant bud absolute, raspberry, essence of Turkish rose, a violet-iris accord, coriander essence, pink pepper, black pepper and musk) $3
• Sarah Baker Jungle Jezebel hand sanitizer, PBM, 50ml, ~98% full (orange, banana, grape, peach, bubble gum, rose, tuberose, ylang-ylang, amber, sandalwood, civet, vetiver, vanilla, tonka bean) $5
• Strangers Chokedee, PBM, slink (pandan leaf, rice, jasmine sambac, coconut, neroli, sandalwood, cashew nut, chommanard, frangipani, vetiver, musk) $3
• Strangers Sweet Farewell, PBM, slink (coconut milk, Nipa palm leaves, vanilla, palm sugar, cedar, rice powder, sandalwood, musk, pandan leaves, tonka bean, cashmeran, ebony) $3
• Universal Flowering Daddy, PBM, slink (black pepper, guaiacwood, hinoki, porcini, oakmoss, vetiver, benzoin) $3
• Universal Flowering Lilac No. 4, PBM, slink (lilac) $3
• Universal Flowering Poems One Through Twelve, PBM, slink (ginger, condensed milk, vetiver, opoponax) $3
• V&F Flowerbomb Ruby Orchid, RIS, 1.2ml (peach, vine, orchid, vanilla bean)* **$2

Hello! Sales will be funded towards a new bookshelf, hahah! I've got some recent releases, but mostly tons of manga that can complete or fill your growing collection! List is alphabetical in both used and new. Let me know if you'd like more pictures that I can happily provide! Free shipping on orders $70 and up! Thanks for taking a gander~
https://imgur.com/a/tTDzRft
------‐--------
[NEW]
•A Condition Called Love vol 1-2: $8.75 each
•A Man and His Cat vol 5-7: $10 each
•A Sign of Affection vol 1-4 & 6: $10 each
•Aposimz vol 1-2, 5-7, & 9: $10 each
•Assassination Classroom Box Set (complete/sealed): $145
•Avant-Garde Yumeko: $10
•Beast Complex 2: $10
•Beauty and the Beast of Paradise Lost vol 2-5: $10 each
•Beauty and the Feast vol 3-7: $11 each
•Blood on the Tracks vol 13: $10
•Blue Period vol 3, 7-8 & 10‐11: $10 each
•Everyone's Getting Married vol 2 & 7: $8 each
•Hell's Paradise vol 1, 9, 11 & 13: $10.50 each
•I'm Not Meat vol 1-3: $11 each
•Ima Koi vol 1 & 3-5: $7.50 each
•Inuyashiki vol 1-5 & 10: $10.50 each
•Kaiju no 8 vol 1-6: $8 each
•Kowloon Generic Romance vol 1-3: $11 each
•Living-Room Matsunaga-san vol 10-11: $10 each
•Love Me, Love Me Not vol 8-9 & 11-12: $8 each
•Mobile Suit Gundam The Origin Hardcover omnibus 1-12 $23 each or $275 for set
•My Dress-Up Darling vol 1: $11
•Perfect World vol 3-4, 6, & 10-12: $10 each
•Requiem of the Rose King vol 6, 10, & 15-16: $8 each
•Rosen Blood vol 1-2: $8 each
•Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts vol 1-5: $10.50 each
•Sakamoto Days vol 1, 3-7: $8 each
•Sweat and Soap vol 8-11: $10 each
•The Country Without Humans vol 1 & 3: $10 each
•Those Not-So-Sweet Boys vol 3: $8.75
•Tokyo Ghoul vol 1: $10
•Tokyo Ghoul: re vol 1: $10
•Tokyo Revengers omnibus 1-5 (vol 1-10): $17.50 each
•Vampire Knight Memories vol 1-2: $8 each
•Wandance vol 1: $10
•Yakuza Fiance vol 2: $11.50
•Yubisaki Milk Tea vol 2, 4, & 6: $7 each
[USED]
•.hack//Legend of the Twilight vol 1-2: $6.50 each
•A Galaxy Next Door vol 1-3: $8 each
•A Silent Voice vol 1-3 & 5-7: $7.50 each
•Aho-Girl vol 1-2: $8.25 each
•Akame ga Kill! vol 1-2, & 4-6: $8 each
•An Incurable Case of Love vol 1-7 (complete): $7 each or $49 for set
•Angel Sanctuary vol 1-5: $5 each
•Assassination Classroom vol 1: $6
•Attack on Titan vol 1: $7.50
•Attack on Titan No Regrets vol 1-2 (complete) : $8.25 each
•B.O.D.Y. vol 1-2: $7.25 each
•Banana Fish vol 2: $7.50
•Beast Master vol 2: $7.25
•Beastars vol 1-18: $7.50 each
•Black Butler vol 1-2: $8.25 each
•Black Clover vol 2-6: $6.75 each
•Blade of the Immortal Omnibus vol 1: $16
•Bleach vol 73: $6.50
•Blue Exorcist vol 1-2: $7 each
•Blue Period vol 1-2: $8 each
•Boogiepop Doesn't Laugh vol 1: $8
•Bungo Stray Dogs Novel vol 1: $9
•Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card vol 1: $7.25
•Caste Heaven vol 1: $7.50
•Cherry Juice vol 1: $7.25
•Chio's School Road vol 1: $8
•Chobits vol 1 & 3-4: $6 each
•Classroom of the Elite Manga vol 1-2: $9 each
•Classroom of the Elite Novel vol 2: $9
•Dai Dark vol 1-2: $9 each
•Dawn of the Arcana vol 1 & 3-4: $7 each
•Death Note All-in-One Edition: $22
•Death Note Black Edition vol 1-2: $9 each
•Death Note vol 6 & 11: $7 each
•Demon Slayer vol 1-5 & 23: $6.50 each
•Devils' Line vol 1: $8
•Didn't I Say to Make My Ablities Average in the Next Life?! vol 1: $8
•Dogs: Bullets & Carnage vol 1: $7
•Doubt vol 1: $13
•Dr. Stone vol 1: $7.25
•Edens Zero vol 1-2: $7 each
•Fairy Tail vol 1: $7
•Fairy Tail Spin-Offs vol 1-3: $7 each
•Fire Force vol 1 & 12: $7.50 each
•FLCL omni: $14
•Fly Me to the Moon vol 2-9: $6.75 each
•Food Wars! vol 1: $6.75
•Frieren Beyond Journey's End vol 1-3: $6.50 each
•Fruits Basket vol 10: $12
•Gantz Omnibus 1: $15
•Giganto Maxia (one shot): $10
•Haikyu!! vol 1-9, 11-12, 14, 18, 24-25, 27-30 & 32-45: $7.25 each
•Hard-Boiled Stories from the Cat Bar (one shot): $5
•Hatsu Haru vol 6: $8
•Heaven's Will (one shot): $7.25
•Hell's Paradise vol 1 & 7: $8.25 each
•High-Rise Invasion omni 6: $11.50
•Higurashi (Abducted) vol 1-2: $9.75 each
•Honey So Sweet vol 1-8 (complete): $6.50 each, vol 5: $5 (stain on side of pages that doesn't affect readability) or $50.50 for set
•Horimiya vol 1-2: $9 each
•Hunter x Hunter vol 1, 4, & 35: $7 each
•I Am A Cat Barista vol 1: $9
•I Cannot Reach You vol 2: $9
•Inuyasha vol 5-8, 10 & 13-21: $7.25 each
•Jujutsu Kaisen vol 1-3, 5, & 13-14: $6.75 each
•Kaguya-sama Love is War vol 1-2: $6.75 each
•Kakuriyo Bed & Breakfast for Spirits vol 1: $6.75
•Kare First Love vol 5-7: $7 each
•Kemono Jihen vol 1: $9
•Kiss Him, Not Me! vol 2: $8
•Knight of the Ice vol 1: $8.50
•Komi Can't Communicate vol 1, 17 & 21: $6.50 each
•Konosuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! vol 1: $8
•Land of the Lustrous vol 1-4: $7.50
•LDK vol 13: $8
•Little Devils vol 1: $8
•Loveless omni 1-4: $12 each
•Lovesick Ellie vol 1: $7.25
•Masamune-kun's Revenge vol 1-2: $16 each
•Mermaid Saga vol 1: $8
•MeruPuri vol 1-2 & 4: $7 each
•Millennium Snow vol 1: $6
•Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid vol 1-3: $7.50 each
•Mistress Fortune (one shot): $7.25
•Mob Psycho 100 vol 1-2: $7.50 each
•Mobile Suit Gundam The Origin vol 2-3: $19 each
•My Hero Academia Ultra Analysis: $11
•My Status as an Assassin Obviously Exceeds the Hero's vol 2-3: $9 each
•My Summer of You (One Shot): $10
•Naruto omni 3: $9
•Nekogahara Stray Cat Samurai vol 4: $7.50
•No Game No Life vol 2: $8
•Oh My Goddess! vol 42: $10.50
•One-Punch Man vol 2: $7
•Orange by Benjamin: $5
•Ouran High School vol 3: $8
•Overlord vol 1-3: $8 each
•Overlord Novel (Hardcover) vol 1: $12
•Pandora Hearts vol 1: $5
•Punch! vol 1-3 (complete): $5 each
•R.O.D. vol 2: $9
•Ranma 1/2 vol 2: $7.25
•Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai/Petite Devil Kohai vol 1-2: $17 each
•Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World Chapter 1 A Day in the Capital vol 1-2: $8 each
•Rent-A-Girlfriend vol 1: $8.75
•Sand Chronicles vol 2-3: $8 each
•Say I Love You vol 2, 8-9 & 11: $8 each
•Sensual Phrase vol 1: $3 (damaged) or free with purchase $10+
•Seraph of the End vol 1: $6
•Sex Ed 120% vol 1: $8.75
•She and Her Cat (one shot): $8
•Slow Life in Another World (I Wish!) vol 1: $8
•So I'm A Spider, So What? vol 1: $8
•Something's Wrong With Us vol 1-4: $9 each
•Soul Eater vol 1-5: $7.50 each
•Spy x Family vol 1‐2, 4 & 7 $6.50 each
•Sweat and Soap vol 1 & 5-6: $8.25 each
•Sword Art Online Progressive vol 1: $8
•Takane & Hana vol 18: $6
•That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime vol 1-19: $8 each
•The Dangers in My Heart vol 1: $9
•The Detective is Already Dead vol 1: $8
•The Flowers of Evil Complete omni 1-3: $17.50 each
•The Gentlemen's Alliance Cross vol 1, 3-4: $7 each
•The Gods Lie (one shot): $8
•The Legend of Dororo vol 1-2: $7.50 each
•The Quintessential Quintuplets vol 1-7: $7 each
•The Rising of the Shield Hero vol 1: $7
•The Seven Deadly Sins vol 32-33: $7.50 each
•The Water Dragon's Bride vol 6: $7
•The Way of the Househusband vol 1-2, & 5: $9.50 each
•The Witch and the Beast vol 1: $9.50
•Those Not-So-Sweet Boys vol 1: $7.75
•Tokyo Ghoul :re vol 2: $7.50
•Toliet-Bound Hanako-kun vol 1-3: $7.25 each
•Uzaki-chan Wants to Hang Out! vol 1: $9
•Vagabond vol 21: $35
•W Juliet vol 1: $4 (damaged) or free with purchase $10+
•Waiting for Spring vol 1: $8
•We Swore to Meet in the Next Life vol 1: $9
•Weathering With You vol 1: $8.50
•Welcome Back, Alice vol 2-3: $9 each
•Wotakoi omnibus 1: $12
•Yubisaki Milk Tea vol 7: $6
•Zig Zag vol 1-3: $6 each

Good evening racers! It's the moment you've ALL been waiting for - the beginning of the Lesotho Grand Prix! We have 66 excited participants hoping to take the top prize and be crowned karting extraordinaire, but first, 60 of them will have to go through the first 3 of our cups - the Mushroom Cup, the Flower Cup and the Star Cup!! The 8 highest performing racers from each of the 3 tournaments will make it through to the grand finale - the Special Cup, where they'll be joined by the six automatic qualifiers.
So, without any further ado, let's get those engines started and get RACING!!

Automatic Qualifiers

Voting in	Country	User	Artist	Song	Link	Extra notes
Mushroom Cup (SF1)	Mozambique	u/Sam_Esc	Sneaker Pimps	6 Underground	Here
Mushroom Cup (SF1)	Palau	u/kazamagram	Laura Les	Haunted	Here	Contains flashing images
Flower Cup (SF2)	Lesotho	u/dylantherat	Donna Missal	Flicker	Here
Flower Cup (SF2)	South Korea	u/BiPolarBear17	Mokyo	MAD	Here
Star Cup (SF3)	Eswatini	u/Chickflopia	Debby Friday ft. Uñas	I Got It	Here
Star Cup (SF3)	Greece	u/BFerdinand_	Omar Apollo	Tamagotchi	Here

Youtube Playlist
[Spotify Playlist]()
[Recap]()

Mushroom Cup (Semi-final 1)

Draw	Country	User	Artist	Song	Link	Extra notes
1	Guatemala	u/reetuss1	O-ZONE	Dragostea Din Tei	Here
2	Greenland	u/AlexandraAlt_1	Gia Ford	A Car Crash For Two	Here
3	Israel	u/Josephoo_	Zatara	Balaleen	Here
4	Curaçao	u/boapessoa	Carne Doce	Comida amarga	Here
5	United Arab Emirates	u/SergeyJorjaStan	aespa	Hold On Tight	Here
6	Wallis and Futuna	u/hubbernd	Yoa	bootycall	Here
7	Faroe Islands	u/_xSyracuse	Jason Dhakal	Manila	Here
8	Niue	u/SoupearJ	Katie Kim	Day Is Coming	Here
9	Namibia	u/Opha23	Porcelain Black	Pretty Little Psycho	Here
10	Bolivia	u/boliveee	Sweet Trip	Milk	Here
11	Seychelles	u/Bowman3058	FVLCRVM ft. Annet X	Do It All Again	Here
12	Ukraine	u/fatesconsequence	Stranger Club	WYLM	Here
13	Guyana	u/Lux_Archives	Talia Goddess	Ragga	Here
14	Mauritania	u/XalionN	Mulay	See Me	Here
15	Belarus	u/-Stanley_yelnats-	JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown	Kingdom Hearts Key	Here
16	Libya	u/lissa_1111	Brodka	Sadza	Here
17	Armenia	u/Fun6754	Michaela Slinger	Everything I Wasn't Looking For	Here
18	Cyprus	u/j0rdy000	Marina Herlop	Abans Abans	Here
19	United States	u/Dugly_Uckling	Joseph	Rest	Here
20	Botswana	u/asuto_lp	Etta Marcus	Nosebleed	Here

Youtube Playlist
[Spotify Playlist]()
[Recap]()
[Sorter]()

Flower Cup (Semi-final 2)

Draw	Country	User	Artist	Song	Link	Extra notes
1	North Korea	u/curryraejepsen	LE SSERAFIM	Eve, Psyche & The Bluebeard's Wife	Here
2	Indonesia	u/DoddyTV	Nothing But Thieves	Welcome to the DCC	Here
3	The Bahamas	u/Kaylaboe	Waxahatchee	Can't Do Much	Here
4	Maldives	u/chaoticciolina	Jorja Smith	Little Things	Here
5	Micronesia	u/FreeCuddlesAnyone	Krzewy	Tamte Dni	Here
6	Tuvalu	u/Whyx_	Depeche Mode	Enjoy the Silence	Here
7	Bhutan	u/FKA-Pieck	Toro Y Moi	So Many Details	Here
8	Georgia	u/ZwissDa2nd	jaboukie	BBC	Here	Contains flashing images
9	Aruba	u/qyzxf	The Beths	Knees Deep	Here
10	Macao	u/AwesomeJoshua	Yung Bae ft. Marc E. Bassy	Revolving	Here
11	Bulgaria	u/EmiliaLily	Metric ft. Brie Larson	Black Sheep	Here
12	Montserrat	u/las_facepalmas	CHVRCHES ft. Robert Smith	How Not To Drown	Here
13	Sint Maarten	u/zuperZany	TAEYEON	INVU	Here
14	Moldova	u/DubiousEnjoyment	Kara Jackson	dickhead blues	Here
15	Nauru	u/ProfessionalEven1277	Johnny Yukon	Gloria!	Here
16	Guam	u/mayblobbe	Clark ft. Thom Yorke	Medicine	Here
17	Barbados	u/Bongo9911	YOASOBI	Idol	Here
18	Finland	u/Foobibby	Malla	Sabrina	Here
19	Iceland	u/BebeLuigi	Bubble Tea and Cigarettes	Santa Monica	Here
20	Malawi	u/fuerteesc	After School	BANG!	Here

Youtube Playlist
[Spotify Playlist]()
[Recap]()
[Sorter]()

Star Cup (Semi-final 3)

Draw	Country	User	Artist	Song	Link	Extra notes
1	Falkland Islands	u/tehhammerz	Avlak	Krampus	Here
2	Suriname	u/SandHannahtiser	Vylet Pony ft. nekosnicker, galaxysquid & namii	the yak song	Here
3	Yemen	u/SaltyPopcorn02	Moyka	Rear View	Here
4	Saint Lucia	u/Spooky_Squid	Snoh Aalegra	DYING 4 YOUR LOVE	Here
5	San Marino	u/PercyYates	Alexandra Savior	Howl	Here
6	Norway	u/Fingrpaint	Purple Disco Machine	Substitution	Here
7	Comoros	u/Zeiskyte	Sui Uzi	Hide & Seek	Here
8	Poland	u/Erazed11	Mura Masa, NAO	Complicated	Here
9	Tanzania	u/Chimlin	Didi Han ft. Lydia-Lee & L-Like	Something Like This?	Here
10	Zimbabwe	u/Azzbestos	Jessie Ware	Begin Again	Here
11	Saint Barthélémy	u/george_kaito	Carly Rae Jepsen	Western Wind	Here
12	Turkmenistan	u/emvaz	Passenger	Holes	Here
13	Oman	u/slfkjia	The Prodigy	Omen	Here	Contains flashing images
14	Isle of Man	u/manleyy44	Elujay ft. serpentwithfeet	Luvaroq	Here
15	Luxembourg	u/TheDutchDen	Red Moon	Dreamer	Here
16	Mauritius	u/jeremy_laporte	Jordan Ward	FAMJAM4000	Here
17	Liechtenstein	u/Franky494	Ryan Beatty	Andromeda	Here
18	Kazakhstan	u/mac1oo	Danali	Tyiym	Here
19	Egypt	u/FlamePods	Novaa, LIE NING	Story Untold	Here
20	Venezuela	u/justlyra	Anitta	Boys Don't Cry	Here

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--- W I N N I N G S O N G ---
CorkyRoboto - Signals
Great job, CorkyRoboto! Your song will be featured on the sidebar until the next contest conclusion. If you have anything else you'd like to share, your music page, anything, we'll feature it as well! Just PM it to a mod and we'll include it in the sidebar. Make sure you submit your sample pack to u/DoNotSexToThis by the last day of the month so we can upload it for the next contest.
For everyone else, we look forward to featuring your winning entries in the contests to come!
--- C O N T E S T S C O R E S ---

• CorkyRoboto Signals Production score: 24 Mix score: 23 Total score: 47
• Mu99az Interruption Production score: 20 Mix score: 19 Total score: 39
• Fauxnite metro.techno Production score: 16 Mix score: 18 Total score: 34

--- C O N T E S T F E E D B A C K ---
Feedback for CorkyRoboto: * Corky: "This is one of those tracks that happened super fast. I had a ton of fun making it. It really took me back to the edmproduction contest days. Would anyone like a breakdown video of how I made it? " * DoNotSexToThis: "Your ability to create exciting, stimulating music out of such limitations is an inspiration." * Fauxnite: "In with a D&B vibe, the provided samples do ring a bell of familiarity - but, a flip follows and it's not drum & bass which greets our ears - it's something other, something that draws inspiration from the world of drum and bass, yet forges it's own path; something epic, but familiar, yet unique --- ace of an entry by Corky (unsurprisingly!) ^-" * Mu99az: "Thought yours was great. Breakbeats and build ups are spot on with some nice variations in them. A lot happening and it all fits really well together. You’ve crammed a lot into 3 mins. "
Feedback for Mu99az: * Corky: "I really love how you slowly add new elements through out to keep it fresh. I could get down to this on a dance floor. Admittedly the genre isn't really my cup of tea, overall mix sounds great though. Would have liked to hear some more fills to break up the main elements. Kick might be a little loud and boomy in comparison to the other elements, but the deed is already done. Solid work " * DoNotSexToThis: "Very wise progression with the layering and bringing elements in and out. Absolutely textbook and proper flow." * Fauxnite: "Hehe, nice usage of the same sample as Corky - but, rather than following a break-beat sort of drum pattern, we are invited in a world based on 4 on the floor sort of a rhythm -- me gusta! It gives me a vibe of the 90s, but more modern, more polished, but based on a by-gone era - I appreciated this techno-sort of entry quite a bit, thanks Mu99az!"
Feedback for Fauxnite: * Corky: "This is so hypnotizing and dark! I spaced out for a solid minute listening to this haha I think this is a great foundation for a full on track. You could definitely add to this without the confines of the sample pack. " * DoNotSexToThis: "Neat vibe here, languidly urgent but blissful. Reminds me a little of Gus Gus - Purple (Sasha v. The Light) which is one of my favorite electronic songs." * Fauxnite: "This wasn't a wholly serious entry, I just didn't want us ti be left entry-less yet again --- so, this one is hardly worthy of a submission, but, it's definitely better than no submission.... onwards, onto better tracks! " * Mu99az: "Wasn’t expecting much given your comments in the other post, but I really enjoyed your entry. The gated vocal pad is really sweet and goes nicely with the bass. Definitely worth putting some more time into if you feel like you’ve still got ideas on how to polish it up. "

Original Lemonheads are by far the best widely available candy. Although, recently, they’ve been out of stock everywhere near me. I checked Publix,Kroger, Walmart, dollar general, etc and nobody has them. I finally found them at Five Below and bought 12 theater boxes.
There’s something special about the sour and sweet mixture in the candy. I never see anyone else that loves them, neither on here nor in person. Am I alone in my love for the original lemon candy??

Aaah, finally refreshed, thank you sweet gal, I really needed this. So... Where was I ? Ah, yeah, I remember !
So, our merry band had a few clues about their prey : it was tiny, it sucked out the blood of its victims, it was probably cursed and our resident Witcher, Elainne Belleteyn, found an empty tomb while on the trail of the creature. So... It was more than probable a botchling ! I don't know a lot about these pesky buggers myself, I must say. When I asked my sweet friend Elainne about these creatures, she said that they were created from a stillborn children, or abandoned babies in the woods. Apparently, you can... Use some kind of strange elvish ritual to transform them into something called a lubberkin. Unfortunatly, the Witcher didn't knew it. As she said herself :
"Heck, you really think the School of the Cat would go for the harsh and long way when it's easier to kill it ?"
Let's be clear, I do hope she was kidding me, 'cause we would probably have a lot of them roaming around in the Kingdom of the North...
Well, whatever... So, it was prolly a botchling. And everything linked it to Catrina aep Luk, the daughter of the bourgmestre. Fortunately, Morriga aep Proserpa knew the ritual. So they splitted up : Zokir, Zerath and Kite went to meet the bourgmestre daughter, while Morriga and Elainne would hunt down the creature.
The Dwarf, the Human and the Elf went to the house, while the sun was still in the sky. They met with Catrina aep Luk privately, Zerath and Zokir disguising themselves as some kind of ambulant apothecaries and Kite being here to introduce them to the bourgmestre. So... They explained the situation to the young maiden and she... Kinda freaked out that they knew about her failed pregnancy. Apparently, only the doctor, Liam aep Carys, knew about it. She accepted, a bit reluctantly and remained in her bedroom with Zerath while Zokir and Kite went to the garden and prepared a tomb. Cruel irony, it was at the same place where the last victim had been found.
Meanwhile, Elainne and Morriga were about to track the monster when... The Witcher remembered she gave her medaillon to Kite, as some kind of proof if needed during the meeting with Catrina. I can assure you, Witcher can feel shame, for her cheeks were burning RED when she recollected me this tale. So they ran as fast as they could, took the medaillon and went back to the hunt. They found the botchling in a chicken coop, about to climb a window. Elainne used of one of her magic trick to calm down the creature and Morriga took it. They went as fast as possible to the bourgmestre's house... Followed by a bunch of villagers who were morbidly fascinated by the scene, until Morriga asked them "politely" to go off unless they were willing to risk some curses.
And then, Zerath had to lead Catrina to the garden. Let's just say it wasn't easy : her father was trying to get at the front door to understand what was all the agitation he heard outside. Zerath... Well, he told me that he managed to diplomatically prevent him to do so, while his daughter escaped by some back door. And Kite went inside too, but from the front door, closing it behind him.
As for the ritual... Apparently it consists to name the child, accepting them as your. Morriga led the ritual, inside a kind of magical protection set up by Elainne. Zokir was inside the circle too, while the Witcher was outside, blade drawn. Apparently, it can attract some nasty guests, so... She was there to protect, in doubt. The ritual was pretty quick, the botchling... Died ? Apparently ? I mean, Witcher ca kill ghosts, so I guess this is pretty normal. And they buried it, before going away. The only problem was that someone had to wait near the tomb during 24 hours, to make sure it would come back as a lubberkin. And Elainne elected herself to the task. Apparently, the bourgmestre asked her about all this and she handwaved it (probably by threatening him if he was going to disturb her : patience is NOT one of her quality).
The following day was... Long. Elainne was like a wild beast in cage, waiting impatiently. The others went doing... Whatever they were doing, I guess when something happened. So... I have the recollection of the two parties and as far as I know, it began with the Witcher. Apparently the legend was true, but didn't needed the 24 hours long part. A spectral creature rised from the grave and... Apparently gave her a warning about an imminent assault on the village.
So she hid in ambush... And waited again. But she was fine with it, for once. And soon, some peoples climbed the outside wall, apparently some kind of assassins trying to reach the mayor. And they met her instead. An angry and frustrated Witcher wielding her trusty blade coated in hanged's man venom. I will spare you the details, you can thank me lads.
Meanwhile, someone opened a portal outside the walls of the village and it poured out many members of the Blue Rose of Nazair rebels, led by no one else than the Gardener himself ! And it turned out that the whole place was almost depleted of their militia AND members of the Nilfgaardian army ! So... Our brave heroes braced themselves to the fight. Morriga litteraly vaporised many of the assaillants and even forced some to retreat ! Kite flew a true rain of arrows on them and even Zerath, not the one with the most fighting spirit among them, did his fair share. Zokir told me that he fought a veritable army of rebels, fending them off by himself to protect his companions, but I surmise that he was lying to me, especially the part where he sang a serenade to a bystander while doing so.
Apparently, the Gardener was expecting a defensless place, but... It wasn't. And his troop were mawed down in all senses of the term. Elainne was openly laughing like a maniac while slaughtering her opponents, there was a barrage of fire from Morriga, Kite was striking everything moving and even Zerath went out to kill some peoples with his dagger. Oh, and apparently, some of his rebels were using bombs and... Blew themselves up by mistake. So he grabbed Zerath of Attre and tried to teleport away. I suppose he thought about using the young cintrasian as some kind of hostage, something like that. Unfortunatly, he took an arrow to the knee and... Teleported in the village, above a roof and they both landed pretty badly. Well, especially the Gardener, in fact. Zerath must be a lucky one and stayed conscious enough to avoid falling from said roof. Seeing the defeat of their leader, the Blue Roses capitulated. Though, I suspect it was a matter of time : it's pretty demoralizing to go for an easy assault and be welcomed by fire and steel.
Once done and the rebels captured, the group was about to leave the place (well, when Elainne would come back from the grove where there was a secret cache belongign to the Blue Roses) when a small contigent of the army came, led by the Sergent Klarsfeld of the Impera Brigad, and the Capitain Joshua. It was the regiment tasked to hunt down the Blue Roses rebels. The Sergent spoke with Kite, calling him "The Duke of Neunreuth's Hound", and gave him the promised reward for the capture of the Gardener. And... He told him about a certain "Wynn Deryn", a strange man apparently known of Kite, who, having met the Nilfgaardian army, told them that a certain Witcher whose looking alike a lot of Elainne was wanted in Angren. Apparently, she really pissed off a powerful noble a while ago and said noble doesn't seems to be the kind of woman who forget easily an offense.
Well... I think it's all for the night folks ! Sorry to leave you in such cliffhanger, but it's getting late, I'm not the only bard who's here to entertain you tonight and I have a rendez-vous with a bottle of cider ! Though, I promise you to see you again tomorrow, with new tales about their aventures !

The whirring blades of my MD-902 throbbed against the warm evening air, and I smiled.
From 5,000 feet, the ground flew by in a carpet of dark forests and kelly-green fields. The sun hung low on the horizon in a picturesque array of dazzling orange and gold, and I could make out the narrow strip of the Ohio River to my left, glistening in the fading daylight. This time of year, the trees would be full of the sweet aroma of fresh blossoms, and the frequent rains kept small pockets of fluffy white mist hanging in the treetops. It was a beautiful view, one that reminded me of why being a helicopter pilot trumped flying in a jumbo jet far above the clouds every day of the week.
Fourteen more days, and I’m debt free.
That made me grin even more. I’d been working as a charter pilot ever since I obtained my license at age 19, and after years of keeping my nose to the grindstone, I was closing on the final payment for real-estate in western Pennsylvania. With no debt, a fixer-upper house on 30 rural acres all to myself, and a respectable wage for a 26-year-old pilot, I looked forward to the financial freedom I could now enjoy. Maybe I’d take a vacation, somewhere exotic like Venice Italy, or the Dominican Republic. Or perhaps I’d sock the money back for the day I started a family.
“Remember kleineun, a real man looks after his own.”
My elderly ouma’s voice came back from the depths of my memories, her proud, sun-tanned face rising from the darkness. She and my Rhodesian grandfather had emigrated to the US when they were newlyweds, as the violence against white Boer descendants in South Africa spiraled out of control. My mother and father both died in a car crash when I was six, and it had been my grandparents who raised me. Due to this, I’d grown up with a slight accent that many of my classmates found amusing, and I could speak both English, and Afrikaans, the Boer tongue of our former home.
I shifted in my seat, stretched my back muscles, and glanced at the picture taped to my console. Both my parents flanked a grinning, gap-toothed six-year-old me, at the last Christmas we’d spent together. My mother beamed, her dark hair and Italian features a sharp contrast to my father’s sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. Sometimes, I liked to imagine they were smiling at me with pride at how well I flew the old silver-colored bird my company had assigned to me, and that made the long, lonely flights easier to bear.
A flicker caught my eye, and I broke my gaze away from the photograph.
Perched in its small cradle above the controls, my little black Garmin fuzzed over for a few seconds, its screen shifting from brightly colored maps to a barrage of grey static.
Did the power chord come loose?
I checked, ensuring the power-cable for the unit’s battery was plugged into the port on the control panel. It was a brand-new GPS unit, and I’d used it a few times already, so I knew it wasn’t defective. Granted, I could fly and navigate without it, but the Garmin made my time as a pilot so much easier that the thought of going blind was dreadful.
My fuel gauge danced, clicked to empty, then to full, in a bizarre jolt.
More of the gauges began to stutter, the entire panel seeming to develop terrets all at once, and my pulse began to race. Something was wrong, very wrong, and the sludge inside my bowels churned with sour fear.
“Come on, come on.” I flicked switches, turned dials, punched buttons, but nothing seemed to fix the spasming electronics. Every gauge failed, and without warning, I found myself plunged into inky darkness.
Outside, the sun surrendered to the pull of night, the sky darker than usual. A distant rumble of thunder reverberated above the roar of my helicopter’s engine, and I thought I glimpsed a streak of yellowish lightning on the far horizon to my left.
Calm down Chris. We’re still flying, so it must just be a blown fuse. Stay in control and find a place to set her down.
My sweaty palm slid on the cyclic stick, and both feet weighed heavy on the yaw pedals. The collective stuck to my other hand with a nervous vibration, and I squinted against the abyss outside.
Beep.
I jumped despite myself, as the little Garmin on my panel flared back to life, the static pulling aside to reveal a twitching display. Each time the screen glitched, it showed the colorful map detailing my flight path over the ground below, but I noticed that some of the lines changed, the names shifting, as if the device couldn’t decide between two different versions of the world.
One name jutted out at me, slate gray like most of the major county names, appearing with ghostly flickers from between two neighboring ones.
Barron County.
I stared, confused. I’d flown over this section of southeastern Ohio plenty of times, and I knew the counties by heart. At this point, I should have been over the southern end of Noble County, and maybe dipping lower into Washington. There was no Barron County in Ohio. I was sure of it.
And yet it shown back at me from the digital landscape, a strange, almost cigar-shaped chunk of terrain carved from the surrounding counties like a tumor, sometimes there, sometimes not, as my little Garmin struggled to find the correct map. Rain began to patter against my cockpit window, and the entire aircraft rattled from a strong gust of wind. Thick clouds closed over my field of vision like a sea of gray cotton.
The blood in my veins turned to ice, and I sucked in a nervous breath.
Land. I had to land. There was nothing else to do, my flight controls weren’t responding, and only my Garmin had managed to come back to life. Perhaps I’d been hit by lightning, and the electronics had been fried? Either way, it was too dark to tell, but a storm seemed to be brewing, and if I didn’t get my feet on the ground soon, I could be in real trouble.
“Better safe than sorry.” I pushed down on the collective to start my slow descent and clicked the talking button for my headset. “Any station, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, over.”
Nothing.
“Any station, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, requesting emergency assistance, over.”
Still nothing.
If the radio’s dead, I’m really up a creek.
With my hand shaking, I clicked on the mic one more time. “Any station, this is—”
Like a curtain pulling back, the fog cleared from around my window, and the words stuck in my throat.
Without my gauges, I couldn’t tell just how far I’d descended, but I was definitely very low. Thick trees poked up from the ground, and the hills rolled into high ridges with flat valley floors, fields and pastures pockmarking them. Rain fell all around in cold, silvery sheets, a normal feature for the mid spring in this part of Ohio.
What wasn’t normal, were the fires.
At first, I thought they were forest fires for the amount of smoke and flames that bellowed from each spot, but as I swooped lower, my eyes widened in horror.
They were houses.
Farms, cottages, little clusters that barely constituted villages, all of them belched orange flames and black pillars of sooty smoke. I couldn’t hear above the helicopter blades, but I could see the flashes on the ground, along the road, in between the trees, and even coming from the burning buildings, little jets of golden light that spat into the darkness with anger.
Gunfire. That’s rifle fire, a whole lot of it.
Tiny black figures darted through the shadows, barely discernable from where I sat, several hundred feet up. I couldn’t see much, but some were definitely running away, the streaks of yellow gunfire chasing them. A few dark gray vehicles rumbled down one of the gravel roads, and sprayed fire into the houses as it went. They were fighting, I realized, the people in the trucks and the locals. It was horrific, like something out of war-torn Afghanistan, but worse.
Then, I caught a glimpse of the others.
They didn’t move like the rest, who either fled from the dark vehicles, or fired back from behind cover. These skinny figures loped along with haphazard gaits, many running on all fours like animals, swarming from the trees by the dozens. They threw themselves into the gales of bullets without flinching, attacking anyone within range, and something about the way they moved, so fluid, so fearless, made my heart skip a beat.
What is that?
“Echo Four Actual to unknown caller, please respond, over.”
Choking back a cry of shock, I fumbled at the control panel with clumsy fingers, the man’s voice sharp and stern. I hadn’t realized that I’d let go of the talking button and clicked it down again. “Hello? Hello, this is Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot out of Pittsburgh, over.”
An excruciating moment passed, and I continued to zoom over the trees, the fires falling away behind me as more silent forest took over.
“Roger that Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, we read you loud and clear. Please identify yourself and any passengers or cargo you might be carrying, over.”
Swallowing hard, I eyed the treetops, which looked much closer than they should have been. How far had I descended? “Echo Four Actual, my name is Christopher Dekker, and I am alone. I’m a charter flight from PA, carrying medical equipment for OSU in Columbus. My controls have been damaged, and I am unable to safely carry on due to the storm. Requesting permission to land, over.”
I watched the landscape slide by underneath me, once catching sight of what looked like a little white church surrounded by smaller huts, dozens of figures in the yard staring up at me as I flew over a nearby ridgeline.
“Solid copy on that Douglass Three-One-Four-Foxtrot. Be advised, your transponder shows you to be inside a restricted zone. Please cease all radio traffic, reduce your speed, climb to 3,000 feet and proceed north. We’ll talk you in from there. How copy, over?”
My heart jumped, and I let out a sigh of relief. “Roger that Echo Four Actual, my altimeter is down, but I’ll do my best to eyeball the altitude, over.”
With that, I pulled the collective upward, and tried my best to gauge how far I was by eyesight in the gathering night, rain still coming down all around me. This had to be some kind of disaster or riot, I decided. After all, the voice over the radio sounded like military, and those vehicles seemed to have heavy weapons. Maybe there was some kind of unrest going on here that I hadn’t heard about yet?
Kind of weird for it to happen in rural areas though. Spoiled college kids I get, but never saw farmers get so worked up before. They usually love the military.
Something moved in the corner of my eye, and I turned out of reflex.
My mouth fell open, and I froze, unable to scream.
In the sky beside me, a huge shadow glided along, and its leathery wings effortlessly carved through the gloom, flapping only on occasion to keep it aloft. It was too dark for me to see what color it was, but from the way it moved, I knew it wasn’t another helicopter. No, this thing was alive, easily the size of a small plane, and more than twice the length of my little McDonald Douglass. A long tail trailed behind it, and bore a distinct arrow-shaped snout, with twig-like spines fanned out around the back of its head. Whatever legs it had were drawn up under it like a bird, yet its skin appeared rough and knobby, almost resembling tree bark. Without pause, the gigantic bat-winged entity flew along beside me, as if my presence was on par with an annoying fly buzzing about its head.
Gripping the microphone switch so tight, I thought I’d crack the plastic, I whispered into my headset, forgetting all radio protocol. “T-There’s something up here.”
Static crackled.
“Douglas Three-One-Four-Foxtrot, say again your last, you’re coming in weak and unreadable, over.”
“There’s something up here.” I snarled into the headset, still glued to the controls of the helicopter, afraid to deviate even an inch from my course in case the monstrosity decided to turn on me. “A freaking huge thing, right beside me. I swear, it looks like a bat or . . . I don’t know.”
“Calm down.” The man on the other end of the radio broke his rigorous discipline as well, his voice deep, but level. “It won’t attack if you don’t move too fast. Slowly ease away from it and follow that course until you’re out of sight.”
I didn’t have time to think about how wrong that sounded, how the man’s strict tone had changed to one of knowledge, how he hadn’t been the least surprised by what I’d said. Instead, I slowly turned the helicopter away from the huge menace and edged the speed higher in tiny increments.
As soon as I was roughly two football fields away, I let myself relax, and clicked the mic switch. “It’s not following.”
“You’re sure?”
Eyeing the huge flapping wings, I nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I’m well clear.”
“Good. Thank you, Mr. Dekker.”
Then, the radio went dead.
Something in my chest dropped, a weight that made my stomach roil. This wasn’t right, none of it. Who was that man? Why did he know about the thing I’d just seen? What was I supposed to—
A flash of light exploded from the trees to my right and shot into the air with a long finger of smoke.
What the . . .
On instinct, I jerked the cyclic stick to one side, and the helicopter swung to avoid the rocket.
Boom.
My world shook, metal screeched, and a dozen alarms began to go off inside the cockpit in a cacophony of beeps and sirens. Orange and red flames lit up the night sky just behind me, and the horizon started to spin wildly outside. Heat gushed from the cockpit door, and I smelled the greasy stench of burning oil. The safety belts dug into my shoulders, and with a final slip, the radio headset ripped free from my scalp.
I’m hit.
Desperate, I yanked on the controls, fought the bird even as she spun toward the ground in a wreath of flames, the inky black trees hurtling up to meet me. The helicopter went into full auto-rotation, the sky blurring past outside, and the alarms blared in a screech of doom. Panic slammed through my temples, I screamed at the top of my lungs, and for one brief second, my eyes locked on the little black Garmin still perched atop my control panel.
Its screen stopped twitching and settled on a map of the mysterious Barron County, with a little red arrow at the center of the screen, a few words popping up underneath it.
You are here.
Trees stabbed up into the sky, the belts crushed at my torso, glass shattered all around me, and the world went dark.
Copper, thick, warm, and tangy.
It filled my mouth, stank metallic in my nose, clogged my throat, choking me. In the murkiness, I fought for a surface, for a way out, blind and numb in the dark.
This way, kleineun.
My ouma’s voice echoed from somewhere in the shadows.
This way.
Both eyes flew open, and I gagged, spitting out a stream of red.
Pain throbbed in my ribs, and a heavy pressure sent a tingling numbness through my shoulders. Blood roared inside my temples, and stars danced before my eyes with a dizzying array. Humid night air kissed my skin, and something sticky coated my face, neck, and arms that hung straight up toward the ceiling.
Wait. Not up. Down.
I blinked at the wrinkled, torn ceiling of the cockpit, the glass all gone, the gray aluminum shredded like tissue paper. Just outside the broken windows, thick Appalachian bluegrass and stemmy underbrush swished in a feeble breeze, backlit by flashes of lightning from the thunderstorm overhead. Green and brown leaves covered everything in a wet carpet of triangles, and somewhere nearby, a cricket chirped.
Turning my head from side to side, I realized that I hung upside down inside the ruined helicopter, the top half burrowed into the mud. I could hear the hissing and crackling of flames, the pattering of rain falling on the hot aluminum, and the smaller brush fires around the downed aircraft sizzling out in the damp long grass. Charred steel and burning oil tainted the air, almost as strong as the metallic, coppery stench in my aching nose.
They shot me down. That military dude shot me out of the sky.
It didn’t make sense. I’d followed their orders, done everything they’d said, and yet the instant I veered safely away from whatever that thing in the sky had been, they’d fired, not at it, but at me.
Looking down (or rather, up) at my chest, I sucked in a gasp, which was harder to do that before.
The navy-blue shirt stuck to my torso with several big splotches of dark, rusty red. Most were clean slashes, but two held bits of glass sticking out of them, one alarmingly bigger than the other. They dripped cherry red blood onto my upturned face, and a wave of nausea hit me.
I gotta get down.
I flexed my arms to try and work some feeling back into them, praying nothing was broken. Half-numb from hanging so long, I palmed along my aching body until I felt the buckled for the seat belts.
“Okay.” I hissed between gritted teeth, in an effort to stave off my panic. “You can do this. Just hold on tight. Nice and tight. Here we go . . .”
Click.
Everything seemed to lurch, and I slid off the seat to plummet towards the muck-filled hole in the cockpit ceiling. My fingers were slick with blood and slipped over the smooth faux-leather pilot’s seat with ease. The shoulder belt snagged on the bits of glass that lay just under the left lowest rib, and a flare of white-hot pain ripped through me.
Wham.
I screamed, my right knee caught the edge of the aluminum ceiling, and both hands dove into a mound of leaf-covered glass shards on the opposite side of the hole. My head swam, being right-side-up again enough to make shadows gnaw at the corner of my eyes.
Forcing myself to breath slowly, I fought the urge to faint and slid back to sit on the smooth ceiling. I turned my hands over to see half a dozen bits of clear glass burrowed into my skin like greedy parasites, red blood weeping around the new cuts.
“Screw you.” I spat at the rubbish with angry tears in my eyes. “Screw you, screw you, screw you.”
The shards came out easy enough, and the cuts weren’t that deep, but that wasn’t what worried me. On my chest, the single piece of cockpit glass that remined was almost as big as my palm, and it really hurt. Just touching it felt like self-inflicted torture, but I knew it had to come out sooner or later.
Please don’t nick a vein.
Wiping my hands dry on my jeans, I gripped the shard with both hands, and jerked.
Fire roared over my ribs, and hot blood tickled my already grimy pale skin. I clapped a hand over the wound, pressing down hard, and grunted out a string of hateful expletives that my ouma would have slapped me for.
Lying on my back, I stared around me at the messy cargo compartment of the MD-902. Most of the medical supplies had been in cardboard boxes strapped down with heavy nylon tow-straps, but several cases had ruptured with the force of the impact, spraying bandages, syringes, and pill bottles all over the cluttered interior. Orange flames chewed at the crate furthest to the rear, the tail section long gone, but the foremost part of the hold was intact. Easily a million-dollar mess, it would have made me faint on any other trip, but today it was a godsend.
Half-blind in the darkness, I crawled along with only the firelight and lightning bolts to guide me, my right knee aching. Like a crippled raccoon, I collected things as I went, conscious of the two pallets of intact supplies weighing right over my head. I’d taken several different first-aid courses with some hunting buddies of mine, and the mental reflexes kicked in to help soothe my frazzled mind.
Check for bleeds, stop the worst, then move on.
Aside from my battered chest and stomach, the rest of me remained mostly unharmed. I had nasty bruises from the seatbelts, my right knee swelled, my nose slightly crooked and crusted in blood, but otherwise I was intact. Dowsing every scratch and cut with a bottle of isopropyl alcohol I found, I used butterfly closures on the smaller lacerations that peppered my skin. I wrapped soft white gauze over my abused palms and probed at the big cut where the last shard had been, only stopping when I was sure there were no pieces of glass wedged inside my flesh.
“Not too bad.” I grunted to myself, trying to sound impassive like a doctor might. “Rib must have stopped it. Gonna need stitches though. That’ll be fun.”
Pawing through the broken cases, I couldn’t find any suture chord, but just as I was about to give up, I noticed a small box that read ‘medical skin stapler’.
Bingo.
I tore the small white plastic stapler free from its packaging and eyeballed the device. I’d never done this before, only seen it in movies, and even though the cut in my skin hurt, I wondered if this wouldn’t be worse.
You’ve gotta do it. That bleeding needs to stop. Besides, no one’s coming to rescue you, not with those rocket-launching psychos out there.
Taking a deep breath, I pinched the skin around the gash together, and pressed the mouth of the stapler to it.
Click.
A sharp sting, like that of a needle bit at the skin, but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the cut itself. I worked my way across the two-inch laceration and gave out a sigh of relief when it was done.
“Not going to bleed to death today.” I daubed ointment around the staples before winding more bandages over the wound.
Popping a few low-grade painkillers that tumbled from the cargo, I crawled wriggled through the nearest shattered window into the wet grass.
Raindrops kissed my face, clean and cool on my sweaty skin. Despite the thick cloud cover, there was enough constant lightning strikes within the storm to let me get glimpses of the world around me. My helicopter lay on its back, the blades snapped like pencils, with bits and pieces of it burning in chunks all around the small break in the trees. Chest-high scrub brush grew all around the low-lying ground, with pockets of standing water in places. My ears still rang from the impact of the crash, but I could start to pick up more crickets, frogs, and even some nocturnal birds singing into the darkness, like they didn’t notice the huge the hulk of flaming metal that had fallen from the sky. Overhead, the thunder rumbled onward, the feeble wind whistling, and there were other flashes on the horizon, orange and red ones, with crackles that didn’t sound quite like lightning.
The guns. They’re still fighting.
Instinctively, I pulled out my cellphone, and tapped the screen.
It fluttered to life, but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t get through to anyone, not even with the emergency function designed to work around having no service. The complicated wonder of our modern world was little better than a glorified paperweight.
Stunned, I sat down with my back to the helicopter and rested my head against the aluminum skin of the craft. How I’d gone from a regular medical supply run to being marooned in this hellish parody of rural America, I didn’t know, but one thig was certain; I needed a plan. Whoever fired the missile could have already contacted my charter company and made up some excuse to keep them from coming to look for me. No one else knew I was here, and even though I now had six staples holding the worst of my injuries shut, I knew I needed proper medical attention. If I wanted to live, I’d have to rescue myself.
My bag. I need to get my go-bag, grab some gear and then . . . head somewhere else.
It took me a while to gather my green canvas paratrooper bag from its place behind the pilot’s seat and fill it with whatever supplies I could scrounge. My knee didn’t seem to be broken, but man did it hurt, and I dreaded the thought of walking on it for miles on end. I focused instead on inventorying my gear and trying to come up with a halfway intelligent plan of action.
I had a stainless-steel canteen with one of those detachable cups on the bottom, a little fishing kit, some duct tape, a lighter, a black LED flashlight with three spare batteries, a few tattered road maps with a compass, a spare pair of socks, medical supplies from the cargo, and a simple forest green plastic rain poncho. I also managed to unearth a functioning digital camcorder my ouma had gotten me for Christmas a few years back, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to do any filming in such a miserable state. Lastly, since it was a private supply run from a warehouse area near Pittsburgh to a direct hospital pad in Ohio, I’d been able to bring my K-Bar, a sturdy, and brutally simple knife designed for the Marine Corps that I used every time I went camping. It was pitiful in comparison to the rifle I wished I had with me, but that didn’t matter now. I had what I had, and I doubted my trusty Armalite would have alleviated my sore knee anyway.
Clicking on my flashlight, I huddled with the poncho around my shoulders inside the wreck of the chopper and peered at the dusty roadmaps. A small part of me hoped that a solution would jump out from the faded paper, but none came. These were all maps of western PA and eastern Ohio. None of them had a Barron County on them anywhere.
The man on the radio said to head north, right before they shot me down. That means they must be camped out to the north of here. South had that convoy and those burning houses, so that’s a no-go. Maybe I can backtrack eastward the way I came.
As if on cue, a soft pop echoed from over the eastern horizon, and I craned to look out the helicopter window, spotting more man-made flashes over the tree tops.
“Great.” I hissed between clenched teeth, aware of how the temperature dipped to a chilly 60 degrees, and how despite the conditions, my stomach had begun to growl. “Not going that way, are we? Westward it is.”
Walking away from my poor 902 proved to be harder than I’d anticipated. Despite the glass, the fizzling fires, and the darkness, it still held a familiar, human essence to it. Sitting inside it made me feel secure, safe, even calm about the situation. In any other circumstance, I would have just stayed with the downed aircraft to wait for help, but I knew the men who shot me down would likely find my crash site, and I didn’t want to be around when they did.
Unlike much of central and western Ohio, southeastern Ohio is hilly, brushy, and clogged with thick forests. Thorns snagged at my thin poncho and sliced at my pant legs. My knee throbbed, every step a form of self-inflicted torture. The rain never stopped, a steady drizzle from above just cold enough to be problematic as time went on, making me shiver. Mud slid under my tennis shoes, and every tree looked ten times bigger in the flickering beam of my cheap flashlight. Icy fear prickled at the back of my neck at some of the sounds that greeted me through the gloom. I’d been camping loads of times, both in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, but these noises were something otherworldly to me.
Strange howls, screeches, and calls permeated the rain-soaked sky, some almost roars, while others bordered on human in their intonation. The more I walked, the softer the distant gunfire became, and the more prevalent the odd sounds, until the shadows seemed to fill with them. I didn’t dare turn off my flashlight, or I’d been completely blind in the dark, but a little voice in the back of my head screamed that I was too visible, crunching through the gloomy forest with my long beam of light stabbing into the abyss. It felt as though a million eyes were on me, studying me, hunting me from the surrounding brush, and I bitterly recalled how much I’d loved the old Survivor Man TV series as a kid.
Not so fun being out in the woods at night. Especially alone.
A twig snapped somewhere behind me, and I whirled on the spot, one trembling hand resting on the hilt of my K-Bar.
Nothing. Nothing but trees, bushes, and rain dripping down in the darkness.
“This is stupid.” I whispered to myself to keep my nerves in check as I slowly spun on the spot. “I should have went eastward anyway. God knows how long I’m going to have to—”
Creak.
A groan of metal-on-metal echoed from somewhere to my right, and I spun to face it, yanking the knife on my belt free from its scabbard. It felt so small and useless in my hand, and I choked down a wave of nauseas fear.
Ka-whump. Creak. K-whump. Creak.
Underbrush cracked and crunched, a few smaller saplings thrashed, and from deep within the gloom, two yellow orbs flared to life. They poked through the mist in the trees, forming into slender fingers of golden light that swept back and forth in the dark.
The soldiers . . . they must be looking for me.
I swallowed hard and turned to slink away.
Ice jammed through my blood, and I froze on the spot, biting my tongue to stop the scream.
It stood not yards away, a huge form that towered a good twelve feet tall in the swirling shadows. Unpolished chrome blended with flash-rusted spots in the faded red paint, and grime-smeared glass shone with dull hues in the flashes of lightning. Where the wheels should have been, the rounded steel axels curved like some enormous hand had bent them, and the tires lay face-down on the muddy ground like big round feet, their hubcaps buried in the dirt. Dents, scrapes, and chips covered the battered thing, and its crooked little radio antenna pointed straight up from the old metal fender like a mast. I could barely make out the mud-coated VW on the rounded hood, and my mind reeled in shock.
Is . . . is that a car?
Both yellow headlights bathed me in a circle of bright, blinding light, and neither I nor the strange vehicle moved.
Seconds ticked by, the screech-thumping in the background only growing closer. I realized that I couldn’t hear any engine noises and had yet to see any soldiers or guns pointed my way. This car looked old, really old, like one of those classic Volkswagen Beetles that collectors fought over at auctions. Try as I might, I couldn’t see a driver inside the murky, mold-smeared windows.
Because there wasn’t one.
Lightning arched across the sky overhead, and the car standing in front of me blinked.
Its headlights slid shut, as if little metal shades had crawled over the bulbs for a moment and flicked open again. Something about that movement was so primal, so real, so lifelike, that every ounce of self-control I had melted in an instant.
Cursing under my breath, I lunged into the shrubs, and the world erupted around me.
Under my shoes, the ground shook, and the car surged after me in a cacophony of ka-thumps that made my already racing heart skip several beats. A weather-beaten brown tow truck from the 50’s charged through the thorns to my left, it’s headlights ablaze, and a dilapidated yellow school bus rose from its hiding place in the weeds to stand tall on four down-turned axel-legs. They all flicked their headlights on like giants waking from their slumber, and as I dodged past them, they each blared their horn into the night in alarm.
My breaths came short and tight, my knee burned, and I crashed through thorns and briars without thought to how badly I was getting cut up.
The cheap poncho tore, and I ripped it away as it caught on a tree branch.
A purple 70’s Mustang shook off its blanket of creeping vines and bounded from a stand of trees just ahead, forcing me to swerve to avoid being run over, my adrenaline at all-time highs.
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.
Slipping and sliding, I pushed through a stand of multiflora rose, and stumbled out into a flat, dark expanse.
I almost skidded to a stop.
What had once been a rather large field stood no taller than my shoestrings, the grass charred, and burnt. The storm above illuminated huge pieces of wreckage that lay scattered over the nearly 40-acre plot, and I could just make out the fire-blackened hulk of a fuselage resting a hundred yards away. The plane had been brought down a while ago it seemed, as there weren’t any flames left burning, and I threw myself toward it in frenzied desperation.
Burned grass and greasy brown topsoil slushed underfoot, and I could hear the squelching of the cars pursing me. Rain soaked me to the bone, and my lungs ached from sucking down the damp night air. A painful stich crept into my side, and I cursed myself for not putting in more time for cardio at the gym.
Something caught my left shoelace, and I hurtled to the ground, tasting mud and blood in between my teeth.
They’ve got me now.
I clawed at the mud, rolled, and watched a tire slam down mere inches from where my head had been. The Mustang loomed over me and jostled for position with the red Volkswagen and brown tow truck, the school bus still a few yards behind them. They couldn’t seem to decide who would get the pleasure of stomping me to death, and like a herd of stampeding wildebeest, they locked bumpers in an epic shoving match.
On all fours, I scampered out from under the sparring brutes, and dashed for the crumpled airplane, a white-painted DC-3 that looked like it had been cut in half by a gargantuan knife blade. I passed a snapped wing section, the oily remains of a turbo-prop engine, and a mutilated wheel from the landing gear. Climbing over a heap of mud, I squeezed into the back of the ruined flight cabin and dropped down into the dark cargo hold.
Wham.
No sooner had my sneakers hit the cold metal floor, and the entire plane rocked from the impact of something heavy ramming it just outside. I tumbled to my knees, screaming in pain as, once again, I managed to bash the sore one off a bracket in the wall.
My hand smeared in something gooey, and I scrabbled for my flashlight.
It clicked on, a wavering ball of white light in the pitch darkness, and I fought the urge to gag. “Oh man . . .”
Three people, or what was left of them, lay strewn over the narrow cargo area. Claret red blood coated the walls, caked on the floor, and clotted under my mud-spattered shoes. Bits of flesh and viscera were stuck to everything, and tatters of cloth hung from exposed sections of broken bone. An eerie set of bloody handprints adorned the walls, and the only reason I could tell it had been three people were the shoes; all of them bore anklebones sticking out above blood-soaked socks. It smelled sickly sweet, a strange, nauseas odor that crept into my nose and settled on the back of my tongue like an alien parasite.
Something glinted in the beam of my flashlight, and my pulse quickened as I pried the object loose from the severed arm that still clung to it.
“Hail Mary full of Grace.” I would have grinned if it weren’t for the fact that the plane continued to buck and roll under the assault from the cars outside.
The pistol looked old, but well-maintained, aside from the light coating of dark blood that stained its round wooden handle. It felt heavy, but good in my hand, and I turned it over to read the words, Waffenfabrik Mauser stenciled into the frame, with a large red 9 carved into the grip. For some reason, it vaguely reminded me of the blasters from Star Wars.
I fumbled with a little switch that looked like a safety on the back of the gun and stumbled toward a gap in the plane’s dented fuselage to aim out at the surrounding headlights.
Bang.
The old gun bucked reliably in my hand, its long barrel spitting a little jet of flame into the night. I had no idea if I hit anything, but the attacking cars recoiled, their horns blaring in confusion.
They turned, and scuttled for the tree line as fast as their mechanical legs could go, the entire ordeal over as fast as it had begun.
Did I do that?
Perplexed, I stared down at the pistol in my hand.
Whoosh.
A large, inky black shadow glided down from the clouds, and the yellow school bus moved too slow to react in time.
With a crash, the kicking nightmarish vehicle was thrown onto its side, spraying glass and chrome trim across the muddy field. Its electro-synth horn blared with wails of mechanical agony, as two huge talon-like feet clamped down on it, and the enormous head of the flying creature lowered to rip open its engine compartment.
The horn cut out, and the enormous flying entity jerked its head back to gulp down a mass of what looked like sticky black vines from the interior of the shattered bus.
At this range, I could see now that the flying creature bore two legs and had its wings half-tucked like a vulture that had descended to feed on roadkill. Its head turned slightly, and in the glow of another lightning bolt, my jaw went slack at the realization of what it was.
A tree trunk. It’s a rotted tree trunk.
I couldn’t tell where the reptilian beast began, and where the organic tree components ended, the upper part of the head shaped like a log, while the lower jaw resembled something out of a dinosaur movie. Its skin looked identical to the outside of a shagbark hickory but flexed with a supple featheriness that denoted something closer to skin. Sharp branch-like spines ranged down its back, and out to the end of its tail, which bore a massive round club shaped like a diseased tree-knot. Crouched on both hind legs, it braced the hooked ends of its folded wings against the ground like a bat, towering higher than a semi-truck. Under the folds of its armored head, a bulging pair of chameleon-like eyes constantly spun in their sockets, probing the dark for threats while it ate.
One black pupil locked onto the window I peered through, and my heart stopped.
The beast regarded me for a moment, making a curious, sideways sniff.
With a proud, contemptful head-toss, the shadow from the sky parted rows of razor-sharp teeth to let out a roar that shook the earth beneath my feet. It was the triumphant war cry of a creature that sat at the very top of the food chain, one that felt no threat from the fragile two-legged beings that walked the earth all around it. It hunted whenever it wanted, ate whatever it wanted, and flew wherever it wanted. It didn’t need to rip the plane apart to devour me.
Like my hunter-gatherer ancestors from thousands of years ago, I wasn’t even worth the energy it would take to pounce.
I’m hiding in the remains of the cockpit now, which is half-buried under the mud of the field, enough to shield the light from my screen so that thing doesn’t see it. My service only now came back, and it’s been over an hour since the winged beast started in on the dead bus. I don’t know when, or how I’m going to get out of here. I don’t know when anyone will even see this post, or if it will upload at all. My phone battery is almost dead, and at this point, I’m probably going to have to sleep among the corpses until daylight comes.
A dead man sleeping amongst friends.
If you live in the Noble County area in southeastern Ohio, be careful where you drive, fly, and boat. I don’t know if it’s possible to stumble into this strange place by ground, but if so, then these things are definitely headed your way.
If that happens . . . pray that they don’t find you.

Monday
Dimmy: Hello, we’ve all been sick since yesterday! But we also develop a severe allergic reaction if we stay home! So Superspreader Kate ran outside in her pajamas to have a tea party with the ducks at the park then we plopped her back in bed for a nap in her dirty pajamas, but she woke up soon after because she’s sick and pooped her pajamas. Why get a clean outfit out now, when I can just take her pajama pants off and continue about our day! Beady Kate was upset so I gave her a pack of 36 cheap bracelets from Amazon to distract her. I’ll link ‘em up for you even though they’re labeled as a choking hazard for kids under three! I dunno know what happened to the last pack of 36 I gave her. I guess she swallowed all of the beads from those! Sniffles Kate went back outside in her diaper and pajama top. I hate wearing pants too so I wore my hot dog jeans which is the next best thing to no pants! I showed Pantsless Kate how to paint with water since we banned sidewalk chalk after she colored our walls blue. Let’s paint our ABCs!
A a a airplane in the sky B b b bee spray that doesn’t work C c c code for the fat poors
What a full day of shilling (products), Schylling (tea cups) and spilling (tea)!
Tuesday
Dimmy: Guys my period is five days late but I’m not pregnant! Has this ever happened to you? Yes or not yet!
Dimmy: Hellloooo I’m back. Like, a lot of people are saying just wait a few more days and take another pregnancy test then.
NO SHIT KIMMY.
Dimmy: So anyway even though I’m super sick I went to Mindy McKnight’s bath and body launch to spread my germs because it was at a hamam and you all know from my time in Morocco, I love a good hamam! Mindy and I took a photo with our mouths hanging open and faces pressed together so….. hope one of your new bath products is an immune booster, Mindy! Good luck not getting sick!
Meanwhile Scooter Kate had fun skiing for donuts in her clogs, riding her scooter and learning to catch a football.
Wednesday
Kimmy took the day off stories without explanation and was nowhere to be found. Could she be feeling poorly? “Working?” Taking multiple pregnancy tests? Shopping for more ripped-knee jeans?
The disheveled moppet and her tax-challenged handler surfaced on stories at Turtle Creek Lane. Smartie Kate had gone over there to teach McKenna Kate how to spell, and correct the errors on her summer bucket list. As a reward for tutoring MK, the fridge troll gave Stevie Clog an ice cream cone, but the sugar police caught her red-handed. Not to be bullied for her sweet treat, Stevie Kate tightened her grip on the cone and licked away defiantly as Minnie scolded her. As punishment, Jen made her cut up a huge plate full of raw veggies and eat them. Then Stevie Swan visited Swannie Kate and taught Jen how to read, and finished her afternoon at TCL by taking a nap with one of her favorites, Uncle Sam.
Thursday
Dimmy: CAN YOU SAY GOOD MORNING?
Chef Kate: Good morning mommy here’s your breakfast: two pieces of bacon and a pancake served with a side of my snot syrup. Zero calorie play food, since we all know you never eat any real breakfast! You intermittent fast for 1100 hours and then break your fast with HLTH code powder and whipped cream!
Dummy is crowdsourcing Twitter and Instagram for suggestions on how to get SK to stop whining as the Contentot was put in timeout twice today.
Dimmy told everyone that taking your toddler to Costco is a fun idea because they can destroy everything in the store instead of your house. She and Jen piled Shopping Cart Kate high with Memorial Day weekend groceries for their upcoming trip to the lake house. Costco Kate was not amused by the Tide on her toes and snot on her nose.
Dimmy shilled CVS ExtraBucks and then it was time for Cartwheel Kate to hit the gym and In-N-Out. Stevie Kate and Dummy enjoyed burgers with buns and Dimmy got to lick the wrappers. Unclear if she has anything else, as she placed a movie recommendation box strategically over the spot where her dinner should be.
Friday
Dummy said he’s already listened to two parenting books at 4X speed and has detailed the perfect six step plan on how to get Stevie Kate to stop whining, which involves gossiping in front of her and some other weird shit. Now if only he could find the perfect six step plan on how to stop being an asshole.
Shoeless Kate managed not to lose any toes racing around in her little car, feet flying across the pavement. She pretended her baby doll was Shilly Lilly and followed Tiffany’s safety guidelines for how to treat a newborn, although everyone agreed she was gentler with her doll than Tiffany is with Chilly, as the doll was properly dressed and only flew out of the car and hit the pavement once.
Then it was time to hit the road for Memorial Day weekend at Possum Kingdom. The Dummies packed up their car by grabbing armfuls of all the junk in their house and shoving it into their car, filling up every square inch to the top. Despite not being able to see out the car windows, Dummy drove the overstuffed hail-dented junk mobile to the lake house without getting in an accident. On the way Dimmy gave us an update on Period Watch 2023 as if any of us care. She’s now eight days late and still churning out negative pregnancy tests.
The Dummies were the first of the Turtles to arrive at the lake house. The fridge troll collapsed on the new Love Sac sofa with his shoes on for a nap while Feral Kate was ready to go out on the boat but alas the Senior Turtles weren’t due to arrive until the next day.
Saturday
Goooood moooorning… Hiiiiiii trilled the shrill one, in her screechiest greeting of the week as she located her troll of a husband and diaper-clad tot in The Ranch at Possum Kingdom’s neighborhood pool. She changed the Contentot into a swim diaper but didn’t bother dressing her in a swimsuit. After SK’s Elsa and Anna dolls lemming-jumped to their deaths off the waterfall feature with an assist from Dummy, it was time to tour the $5 million lake house the Senior Turtles just purchased to add to their growing portfolio of properties, which will soon fill up an entire Monopoly board. Entitled Kate, finally clothed in a swim cover-up, was bored with the new home tour (another day, another mansion, am I right?) so the troll played hide and seek with her throughout the cavernous rooms. Then Dimmy bribed Stevie Carb with white bread if she’d pretend to love her new cousin and gaze at her sweetly, which worked like a charm. The Contentot gleefully held slices of white bread in each grubby paw on the expensive brand new white Lovesac sofa and crouched next to Shilly. Then Stevie Kate went out on the boat and had a grand time since she got fed more bread there and didn’t even have to waterski for content and donuts. Channeling her inner Geico commercial piggy, she gleefully cried weeeeeeeeee the whole way home.

As a Wizards fan (I grew up in the prime of the Arenas era - his game and personality did more to foster my love of NBA basketball than anyone else), I need other teams to root for and watch, or else my entire life is misery and pain. Recently, that team was the Raptors because I love Pascal's story, Nurse's coaching, and Kawhi defeating the Warriors/KD. But the Raptors reddit is kinda obnoxious and, while I like Scottie, the past couple seasons have left a sour taste in my mouth. I will also root for any team with Russell Westbrook because Russell Westbrook is my modern day (and less problematic) Gilbert Arenas.
I love the Thunder roster. Y'all don't need me to wax poetic about Shai and the roster construction and the potential of Giddey and Jalen Williams and Chet plus 46% of the league's future draft picks in the next 6 years. The team is fun and exciting and a "feel good" story, AND, as a begrudging Wizards fan, it is so refreshing to actually see an organization develop a plan and build a team with intentionality and a vision (instead of floundering in mediocrity like the Wiz). It does seem that others are catching on to this though, with the Thunder being a popular pick for next seasons Kings (an up-and-coming team that can make some noise in the playoffs). So all that said, is it too late to join the bandwagon? Will you have me?

Mods please delete if this isn't appropriate for the sub. I just thought it'd be fun to write up my thoughts on the experience so far.
I've been playing Smash all my life - Melee might've been the first game I truly fell in love with - and the series has always served as exposure to other franchises. For over four years I've been slowly, methodically playing the source games for the entire Smash Ultimate roster. Most of them I wanted to play anyway, and this was just a neat excuse to try them out. And I do mean slowly, I really spread them out to avoid burnout. I also never forced myself to finish a game if I wasn't having fun; sometimes I just played the first section/level to get a feel for it, then dropped it. Overall it's been a fun way to expose myself to new genres and gain appreciation for gaming history. I'd already played quite a bit of Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, Metal Gear, and Sonic, but the rest was all pretty new for me. I won't mention the games I played before Ultimate's release, when I started this challenge.
For each character I picked the game I thought was most relevant, or most similar to their depiction in Smash. If you want, you can look at the checklist here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1rOlk8dXwEL6wd2Lw4zouBiAce8UJabHOIgIP8bKL_7c/edit?usp=sharing
It's worth noting that this wouldn't be feasible without emulation. A lot of these games aren't available on modern platforms, and some aren't even localized into English. I'm not a collector and I'm not willing to track down old consoles on ebay.
Games are roughly ordered within their tiers, based on how much I enjoyed them. I'll try to be brief for each one.
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'It's old and I can't help being a zoomer' tier - Games I played just long enough to understand them, then dipped. I would not have chosen to play them for fun.

• Ice Climber (Ice Climbers)
• Kid Icarus (Pit)
• Game & Watch Gallery 4 (Mr. Game & Watch)
• Duck Hunt (Duck Hunt Dog)
• Star Fox (Fox)

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'Not very good' tier - Reserved exclusively for Pac-Man World 2.

• Pac-Man World 2 (Pac-Man) - This game is not very good.

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'Just not for me' tier - Games I struggled to connect with or I'm not a fan of the genre. Maybe I'd like them if I played longer, but I don't plan to pick them up again.

• Kingdom Hearts (Sora) - Exceeds my admittedly high tolerance for power-of-friendship anime schlock. Combat felt a little dull and I'm not crazy about Disney. Maybe I dropped it too early, but what little I know about the rest of the series doesn't really excite me.
• Street Fighter V (Ryu / Ken) - Cool character designs, I can say that much. Traditional fighters are interesting to learn about, but they don't really grab me as a player. I expect I'll feel the same way about Tekken and Fatal Fury.
• Mega Man 11 (Mega Man) - Some neat new mechanics, but the punishing old-school level design isn't my cup of tea. Happy that fans got a new one though.
• Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (Marth) - Moving units with the touch screen is nice and I appreciate the strategy, but the generic fantasy story bored me to tears. I might be spoiled by modern FE; this felt like going back in time and finding out my great-great-great-grandfather sold corn.

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'It was alright' tier - Games that were pretty enjoyable. I'm glad I tried them and likely won't play them again.

• Star Fox 64 (Falco / Wolf) - Pretty much what I expected. I didn't love it, but it's fun and short. The branching paths are cool for its time.
• Dr. Mario (Dr. Mario) - A pleasant surprise. I expected to play for ten minutes and ended up enjoying it for much longer. Just a solid puzzle game.
• Kirby's Dream Land 3 (King Dedede) - It's good, I think? I know I enjoyed it but honestly don't remember anything about the experience.
• Kid Icarus: Uprising (Palutena / Dark Pit) - Great writing, good music, and really inventive mechanics. Would be much higher if the controls didn't cause me physical pain.
• Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Dark Samus) - Atmosphere, music, and visuals are impeccable. I feel mean putting it this low, but Prime 1's difficulty was perfect for me and I didn't care for the dark world being so oppressive. Still want to play Prime 3 though.
• Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance (Ike) - Decent story and characters, but battles are really slow. I kind of want to go back and finish it, in which case I could see it moving a lot higher.
• Splatoon 2 (Inkling) - Novel mechanics and a fun aesthetic. I don't really play multiplayer games, but the single-player levels are enjoyable. One of the most fun credits sequences I've seen since NieR: Automata.
• Kirby Super Star (Meta Knight) - Short, sweet, and charming, like all Kirby games. Did a lot to redeem The Great Cave Offensive, though I still hate that stage.
• Final Fantasy VII (Sephiroth) - Extremely impressive for its time, but I don't totally vibe with JRPGs from that era. Probably wouldn't have finished it without the 3x fast-forward battle option in modern ports. Famously the music is some of Uematsu's best work, and he has a lot of good work.
• Bayonetta 2 (Bayonetta) - This game oozes personality and charisma (that Moon River remix goes unreasonably hard). If I were more into the DMC school of action games, it would easily be top-tier. I could see myself getting more out of a second playthrough.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Hey, this is pretty good' tier - Games I liked quite a lot and would recommend.

• Super Mario Sunshine (Bowser Jr.) - The most unique 3D Mario. Movement is fluid and satisfying to master, and I enjoy the Margaritaville locale. Held back by some frustrating sections (you know the ones).
• Luigi's Mansion 3 (Luigi) - Great visuals, art direction, and environmental design. Feels a little too padded for time.
• F-Zero GX (Captain Falcon) - The controls and tracks are gratifying to learn, and the cutscenes are pure cheese in the best way. Would be higher if I were more into racing games, or if I were skilled enough to finish it.
• Final Fantasy VII Remake (Cloud) - After playing the original, I liked how Remake brings the characters to life and reimagines old scenarios. Decent combat, cool bosses, and an amazing soundtrack are offset by egregious padding and an ending I don't quite know how to feel about.
• EarthBound (Ness) - Full of heart behind the quirky humor. I can forgive aimless progression and outdated dungeon design when everything else is so remarkably endearing and well-written.
• Banjo-Kazooie (Banjo & Kazooie) - Having played Mario 64, I was surprised how much better the camera is. Fun characters and catchy music make for a very laid-back experience. And in a genre infamous for bloated collectathons, it shows respectable restraint in the number of collectibles.
• Super Metroid (Ridley) - Near-perfect synthesis of atmosphere, mechanics, progression, and visuals. An incredible achievement, but hard to revisit after being spoiled by the fluidity of Dread. Still, if you claim this is the greatest game ever made, I'm not gonna argue with you.
• Donkey Kong Country (King K. Rool) - Great level design and a memorable aesthetic that was probably really hard to pull off on the SNES. For a game about silly apes, the soundtrack by David Wise is gorgeously atmospheric.
• Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong-Quest (Diddy Kong) - Basically DKC1, but a slight step up in every category. Though I will say, a couple of the late-game levels are unreasonably hard.
• Metroid: Zero Mission (Zero Suit Samus) - Feels a little held back by the original's level design, but it's still a fantastic remake. The post-game sequence without the power suit is a huge highlight.
• WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$! (Wario) - Beat it in two hours and don't feel like I wasted a single second. This game actually made me laugh out loud, and often. Definitely want to play more WarioWare in the future.
• Super Mario World (Piranha Plant) - Not much to say about this one, just a good-ass platformer. I prefer it to Mario 3, but I understand why someone wouldn't.

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'This is the shit' tier - Games I thoroughly loved and would rank among my favorites.

• Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (Yoshi) - Besides Chrono Trigger, I don't think any other SNES game is this beautiful. A creative central mechanic, great level design, and wonderful art direction. The "classics" don't always speak to me, but this one did.
• Metroid Prime (Samus) - Super impressive for its time and a near-perfect translation of the series formula into 3D. Music, atmosphere, and exploration are exquisite. To me, what elevates it from good to great is the immersion factor; the diagetic HUD and scan visor really ground the player in Samus' perspective.
• Pikmin (Olimar) - Technically an RTS, but it feels entirely distinct from the genre. The vibes are immaculate in a way I don't really know how to articulate; it's all goofy and cute and serene and a little brutal. What a charming little game this is. Olimar in Smash is kind of insufferable, but this redeems him in my eyes.
• Fire Emblem: Three Houses (Byleth) - Likeable characters and a story that, while not perfect, explores a conflict from multiple people's perspectives, nobody having all the information. I don't know how longtime fans feel about it, but I thought the core gameplay was fun and accessible. Undeniably flawed, but for me it's greater than the sum of its parts. I played two routes and still might go back for a third.
• Mother 3 (Lucas) - Not everyone vibes with this game, but I sure as hell do. A beautiful story, gorgeous pixel art, interesting themes, memorable music, and near-perfect gameplay balance. I'd appreciate an official release, but the fan translation is so good I'm not sure they should bother.
• Persona 5 (Joker) - It's funny. If you asked me to list everything I don't like about P5, I could probably go all day. The writing is a little shallow and it's far, far too long. And yet, I can't deny how completely engrossed I was that first time through. This game enthralled me. As a sensory experience, everything about how P5 looks and sounds tickles my brain so well. This series occupies a wholly unique space in the modern RPG landscape, in terms of both mechanics and visual identity. This game made me a Persona/SMT fan, and I'd put in my all-time top five, at least.

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Here's what's left on the list. Looking forward to some of them more than others. I might get around to them this year, or over three years, or never. Who knows.

• Super Mario 3D World (Peach)
• Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade (Roy)
• Fire Emblem Fates (Corrin)
• Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Villager / Isabelle)
• Wii Fit (Wii Fit Trainer) (lmao)
• Xenoblade Chronicles (Shulk)
• Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Pyra / Mythra)
• Super Castlevania IV (Simon)
• Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (Richter)
• Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age (Hero)
• Garou: Mark of the Wolves (Terry)
• ARMS (Min Min)
• Minecraft (Steve)
• Tekken 7 (Kazuya)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did I learn anything by doing this? I think so. I definitely have a greater appreciation for a wider variety of genres and franchises. This got me to try certain games I never would have considered otherwise. And in turn, I gained a greater appreciation for the crossover aspect of Smash; every time I look at the character select screen, I have exponentially more memories attached to each icon. I can spot all the references in the movesets and stages. It's just... cool, I guess.
Thanks for reading. Hope you're having a good day. Please don't hate me for dismissing your favorite game.

I don't know if this is really appropriate for the sub, but I thought it'd be fun to write up my thoughts on the experience so far.
I've been playing Smash all my life - Melee might've been the first game I truly fell in love with - and the series has always served as exposure to other franchises. For over four years I've been slowly, methodically playing the source games for the entire Smash Ultimate roster. Most of them I wanted to play anyway, and this was just a neat excuse to try them out. And I do mean slowly, I really spread them out to avoid burnout. I also never forced myself to finish a game if I wasn't having fun; sometimes I just played the first section/level to get a feel for it, then dropped it. Overall it's been a fun way to expose myself to new genres and gain appreciation for gaming history. I'd already played quite a bit of Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, Metal Gear, and Sonic, but the rest was all pretty new for me. I won't mention the games I played before this challenge.
For each character I picked the game I thought was most relevant, or most similar to their depiction in Smash. If you want, you can look at the checklist here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1rOlk8dXwEL6wd2Lw4zouBiAce8UJabHOIgIP8bKL_7c/edit?usp=sharing
It's worth noting that this wouldn't be feasible without emulation. A lot of these games aren't available on modern platforms, and some aren't even localized into English. I'm not a collector and I'm not willing to track down old consoles on ebay.
Games are roughly ordered within their tiers, based on how much I enjoyed them. I'll try to be brief for each one.
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'It's old and I can't help being a zoomer' tier - Games I played just long enough to understand them, then dipped. I would not have chosen to play them for fun.

• Ice Climber (Ice Climbers)
• Kid Icarus (Pit)
• Game & Watch Gallery 4 (Mr. Game & Watch)
• Duck Hunt (Duck Hunt Dog)
• Star Fox (Fox)

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'Not very good' tier - Reserved exclusively for Pac-Man World 2.

• Pac-Man World 2 (Pac-Man) - This game is not very good.

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'Just not for me' tier - Games I struggled to connect with or I'm not a fan of the genre. Maybe I'd like them if I played longer, but I don't plan to pick them up again.

• Kingdom Hearts (Sora) - Exceeds my admittedly high tolerance for power-of-friendship anime schlock. Combat felt a little dull and I'm not crazy about Disney. Maybe I dropped it too early, but what little I know about the rest of the series doesn't really excite me.
• Street Fighter V (Ryu / Ken) - Cool character designs, I can say that much. Traditional fighters are interesting to learn about, but they don't really grab me as a player. I expect I'll feel the same way about Tekken and Fatal Fury.
• Mega Man 11 (Mega Man) - Some neat new mechanics, but the punishing old-school level design isn't my cup of tea. Happy that fans got a new one though.
• Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (Marth) - Moving units with the touch screen is nice and I appreciate the strategy, but the generic fantasy story bored me to tears. I might be spoiled by modern FE; this felt like going back in time and finding out my great-great-great-grandfather sold corn.

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'It was alright' tier - Games that were pretty enjoyable. I'm glad I tried them and likely won't play them again.

• Star Fox 64 (Falco / Wolf) - Pretty much what I expected. I didn't love it, but it's fun and short. The branching paths are cool for its time.
• Dr. Mario (Dr. Mario) - A pleasant surprise. I expected to play for ten minutes and ended up enjoying it for much longer. Just a solid puzzle game.
• Kirby's Dream Land 3 (King Dedede) - It's good, I think? I know I enjoyed it but honestly don't remember anything about the experience.
• Kid Icarus: Uprising (Palutena / Dark Pit) - Great writing, good music, and really inventive mechanics. Would be much higher if the controls didn't cause me physical pain.
• Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Dark Samus) - Atmosphere, music, and visuals are impeccable. I feel mean putting it this low, but Prime 1's difficulty was perfect for me and I didn't care for the dark world being so oppressive. Still want to play Prime 3 though.
• Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance (Ike) - Decent story and characters, but battles are really slow. I kind of want to go back and finish it, in which case I could see it moving a lot higher.
• Splatoon 2 (Inkling) - Novel mechanics and a fun aesthetic. I don't really play multiplayer games, but the single-player levels are enjoyable. One of the most fun credits sequences I've seen since NieR: Automata.
• Kirby Super Star (Meta Knight) - Short, sweet, and charming, like all Kirby games. Did a lot to redeem The Great Cave Offensive, though I still hate that stage.
• Final Fantasy VII (Sephiroth) - Extremely impressive for its time, but I don't totally vibe with JRPGs from that era. Probably wouldn't have finished it without the 3x fast-forward battle option in modern ports. Famously the music is some of Uematsu's best work, and he has a lot of good work.
• Bayonetta 2 (Bayonetta) - This game oozes personality and charisma (that Moon River remix goes unreasonably hard). If I were more into this brand of action game, it would easily be top-tier.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Hey, this is pretty good' tier - Games I liked quite a lot and would recommend.

• Super Mario Sunshine (Bowser Jr.) - The most unique 3D Mario. Movement is fluid and satisfying to master, and I enjoy the Margaritaville locale. Held back by some frustrating sections (you know the ones).
• Luigi's Mansion 3 (Luigi) - Great visuals, art direction, and environmental design. Feels a little too padded for time.
• F-Zero GX (Captain Falcon) - The controls and tracks are gratifying to learn, and the cutscenes are pure cheese in the best way. Would be higher if I were more into racing games, or if I were skilled enough to finish it.
• Final Fantasy VII Remake (Cloud) - After playing the original, I liked how Remake brings the characters to life and reimagines old scenarios. Decent combat, cool bosses, and an amazing soundtrack are offset by egregious padding and an ending I don't quite know how to feel about.
• EarthBound (Ness) - Full of heart behind the quirky humor. I can forgive aimless progression and outdated dungeon design when everything else is so remarkably endearing and well-written.
• Banjo-Kazooie (Banjo & Kazooie) - Having played Mario 64, I was surprised how much better the camera is. Fun characters and catchy music make for a very laid-back experience. And in a genre infamous for bloated collectathons, it shows respectable restraint in the number of collectibles.
• Super Metroid (Ridley) - Near-perfect synthesis of atmosphere, mechanics, progression, and visuals. An incredible achievement, but hard to revisit after being spoiled by the fluidity of Dread. Still, if you claim this is the greatest game ever made, I'm not gonna argue with you.
• Donkey Kong Country (King K. Rool) - Great level design and a memorable aesthetic that was probably really hard to pull off on the SNES. For a game about silly apes, the soundtrack by David Wise is gorgeously atmospheric.
• Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong-Quest (Diddy Kong) - Basically DKC1, but a slight step up in every category. Though I will say, a couple of the late-game levels are unreasonably hard.
• Metroid: Zero Mission (Zero Suit Samus) - Feels a little held back by the original's level design, but it's still a fantastic remake. The post-game sequence without the power suit is a huge highlight.
• WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$! (Wario) - Beat it in two hours and don't feel like I wasted a single second. This game actually made me laugh out loud, and often. Definitely want to play more WarioWare in the future.
• Super Mario World (Piranha Plant) - Not much to say about this one, just a good-ass platformer. I prefer it to Mario 3, but I understand why someone wouldn't.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
'This is the shit' tier - Games I thoroughly loved and would rank among my favorites.

• Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (Yoshi) - Besides Chrono Trigger, I don't think any other SNES game is this beautiful. A creative central mechanic, great level design, and wonderful art direction. The "classics" don't always speak to me, but this one did.
• Metroid Prime (Samus) - Super impressive for its time and a near-perfect translation of the series formula into 3D. Music, atmosphere, and exploration are exquisite. To me, what elevates it from good to great is the immersion factor; the diagetic HUD and scan visor really ground the player in Samus' perspective.
• Pikmin (Olimar) - Technically an RTS, but it feels entirely distinct from the genre. The vibes are immaculate in a way I don't really know how to articulate; it's all goofy and cute and serene and a little brutal. What a charming little game this is. Olimar in Smash is kind of insufferable, but this redeems him in my eyes.
• Fire Emblem: Three Houses (Byleth) - Likeable characters and a story that, while not perfect, explores a conflict from multiple people's perspectives, nobody having all the information. I don't know how longtime fans feel about it, but I thought the core gameplay was fun and accessible. Undeniably flawed, but for me it's greater than the sum of its parts. I played two routes and still might go back for a third.
• Mother 3 (Lucas) - Not everyone vibes with this game, but I sure as hell do. A beautiful story, gorgeous pixel art, interesting themes, memorable music, and near-perfect gameplay balance. I'd appreciate an official release, but the fan translation is so good I'm not sure they should bother.
• Persona 5 (Joker) - It's funny. If you asked me to list everything I don't like about P5, I could probably go all day. The writing is a little shallow and it's far, far too long. And yet, I can't deny how completely engrossed I was that first time through. This game enthralled me. As a sensory experience, everything about how P5 looks and sounds tickles my brain so well. This series occupies a wholly unique space in the modern RPG landscape, in terms of both mechanics and visual identity. This game made me a Persona/SMT fan, and I'd put in my all-time top five, at least.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's what's left on the list. Looking forward to some of them more than others. I might get around to them this year, or over three years, or never. Who knows.

• Super Mario 3D World (Peach)
• Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade (Roy)
• Fire Emblem Fates (Corrin)
• Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Villager / Isabelle)
• Wii Fit (Wii Fit Trainer) (lmao)
• Xenoblade Chronicles (Shulk)
• Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Pyra / Mythra)
• Super Castlevania IV (Simon)
• Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (Richter)
• Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age (Hero)
• Garou: Mark of the Wolves (Terry)
• ARMS (Min Min)
• Minecraft (Steve)
• Tekken 7 (Kazuya)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did I learn anything by doing this? I think so. I definitely have a greater appreciation for a wider variety of genres and franchises. This got me to try certain games I never would have considered otherwise. And in turn, I gained a greater appreciation for the crossover aspect of Smash; every time I look at the character select screen, I have exponentially more memories attached to each icon. I can spot all the references in the movesets and stages. It's just... cool, I guess.
Thanks for reading. Hope you're having a good day. Please don't hate me for dismissing your favorite game.

Hi bowhunters, in my last post I went over 3 core food buffs I always run that are easy to manage and make, this time we will dive a little bit deeper adding agility max ap and xp buffs.
To maximize these foods I run herbivore and strange in numbers, if your food states a lower buff it is either because you are not herbivore or none of your teammates are mutated.
Let's start with my favorite, steeped melon blossom chai for +5 AGI lasting 1 hour!: agility is your bread and butter as a bowhunter, more agility gives: more max ap and better stealth. We craft melon blossom chai with: boiled water, melon blossom, mutated fern flower and spices. - I hope by now you are camping near a body of water - melon blossoms are rare but I only visit 2 locations: the generals steakhouse has 6 aaronhold homestead has 10 (walk straigt from spawn point theyre in between the junk pile and the shack in the field hard to see, one of them is weirdly called something else but if it looks like a melon blossom pick it up it will give melon blossom) we will visit aaronhold for another buff on this list - spices cannot be farmed or crafted like salt and pepper it is something you find while looting if you are following since last post you have saved up some, there is also a great list going around our discord and reddit where alot of you guys have already contributed locations. - mutated ferns grow in a lot of places and I dont actively seek them out, there is ferns at: queen fight near trees, westtek, the general steakhouse and alot more places I already commonly visit if you do want a one stop shop for your mutated ferns over 100 can be gathered between grafton steel yard and the location of a swarm of suitors to the west.
Even though the steeped melon blossom chai boosts our max ap by increasing our ap it doesnt overwrite a foodbuff that only gives max ap so we can add another tea boosting our max ap. For the best buff we make infused soot flower tea giving +50 to our max ap for 1 hour. To craft it we need: boiled water, soot flower, starlight berries and pepper. - I pray your water situation is okay by now - soot flowers grow everywhere in the forest especially around the vault. - we already have a good starlight berry location in the deep but if you want more there is a ton between the slocums joe near wayward the 3 houses on to the south and then follow the railway back north past slocums to gauley mine exit. For another batch of starlight berries. - pepper like spices cant be crafted however they are usually found near spices or instead of spices, a good chef always has ample amounts of salt, pepper and spices on hand.
Wow so now we have a buff increasing our ap regen our max ap and our agility! This means for a lot of us that we either completely remove the action boy perk or use it only at level one leaving us with more room in our build for those sweet food perks I mentioned in level one of the guide, all we need is to grind some levels to buy the perks luckily the next 2 buffs will massively increase our xp gains.
Let's start with the easy one, cranberry relish gives +25% xp for 1 hour! That's like a fifth lunchbox?! And you can craft them??!! All we need is: boiled water, cranberries, gourds and sugar. - do a rain dance and pray for some boiled water if you still don't have a spot near water - cranberries can be found at aaronhold homestead only guarded by some insects or in sunrise field in the cranberry bog if you like mirelurk queens (correct me if im wrong on the spot I dont like mirelurks haha I still go to the noob spot) or the sparse sundew grove which is a very beautiful location in the cranberry bog with almost no enemies. - gourd can be planted at your camp do a quick search on YouTube for the single wild gourd spawn and replant it at your camp - unlike spices salt and pepper sugar can just be crafted dont forget! Run along your favorite river.
Plant some gourds at your camp keep your sugar up occasionally grab cranberries and never run out again.
But wait there's more we can increase our xp gains even more with brain bombs boosting intelligence by 7,5 for 90 minutes, to craft it we need: brain fungus, mothman eggs, !purified! water and irradiated sugar bombs

• you have a water purifier
• brain fungus can be found at the whitesprings service entrance by all the dumpsters, at emmett mountain dispocal (rad rumble location) if you go right instead of down from spawn over 30 can safely be collected i do it everytime after the event when I'm there anyways. and the swamps near berkley springs station (once you spawn locate the tall cable tower thing and head that direction) only one of the locations is necessary as we don't need alot.
• mothman eggs can be grabbed from the altars at cultist locations, more than we will ever need are at point pleasant.
• irradiated sugar bombs are the real problem we need 3 per craft and they cant be crafted or farmed. Luckily the super awesome people of our reddit and discord also have sugar bomb routes! I only visit one location called mosstown in the large house overlooking the shanty town a skeleton can be found in the bathtub with 2-5 sugar bombs, the house also has a wild company tea spawn, company tea is an incredibly hard to craft tea that boosts ap regen more than fever blossom tea.

Having foods you cant farm yourself or ingredients you can't bulk farm might seem annoying but I can assure you that if you are actively playing and exploring the map has plenty of salt pepper spices and irradiated sugar bombs and I never run out of it, another thing I do is check every vendor bot their food section for any ingredients or colas. I can also argue that its not stupid but incredibly fun to be exploring a random place seeing a house and raiding the kitchen cabinets, the dopamine spike is massive everytime I randomly run across spices or sugar bombs and it keeps the game interesting for me.
Another fun one to keep an eye out for is melon bloom sounds a lot like melon blossom but sadly cant be found anywhere except for randomly in small blue coolers, with it you can craft a tea just as strong as the infused soot flower tea but they cant be stacked. Checking every blue cooler is advised because they can also contain sugar bombs and colas.
Another big tip is you can respawn all world spawns such as the 5 sugar bombs in the bath or the wild plants by using the world respawn method which is really easy. I advise you to look it up but the short version is. The game remembers the last 250 ish things you grabbed and respawns the other stuff after you server hop so grab desired stuff then grab 300 books in the weird book house in summerville server hop grab your desired thing again, to make a full loop you can grab a bunch of carrot flowers at palace of the winding path with green thumb then server hop and both the books and desired items are back. (Hot take this is the easier company tea farm)
It is important to never forget to equip super duper for 30% chance at doubling your crafted foods.
If you run out of wood because you are crafting so much food remember caps are worth nothing to a smart forager and wood is sold in bulk for cheap by robots. If you find yourself in need of caps make mentats from carrot flower, brain fungus and firecap and craft berry mentats with mentat firecracker berry and starlight berry. Use chemist to make 2 mentats and those into 4 berry mentats also use super duper for 30% bonus. They sell fast at 50 medium at 60 slow at 70 caps and you make 300 of them in like 15 minutes if you know the route. This is not a mentat guide but if you combine all your knowledge with the resources on discord you can figure it out.
Next time we are looking at even more buffs most of which are more situational like defensive buffs and a +5 strength for the carry weight or the melee sidearm. We will also have a brief overview of the chems I recommend.
My tip for next week is that almost every other plant can be used in some way so keep a mental note of any firecaps, silt beans, aster, gourd blossom and ofcourse all of the already stated ingredients.
And ofcourse I want to know from you! What is your go to location for one of the above stated ingredients or what recipe is absolutely missing from this list or required for the next one let me know. What perks are you no longer using because a food buff took over its role and what is your tip for juggling all these buffs for an apprentice chef?

(I'm still unsure if I'm using the right flair but I've only read the first two books and I would greatly appreciate no spoilers for the remaining books!)
That is A Clash of Kings done!
Wow!
Another fantastic read! Aaaahhh! I’m loving this story! The drama! The scheming! The politics! The absolute TERROR you face at the beginning of every chapter because anything could happen and if there is one thing I’ve learned so far, good things very rarely happen in this world! And even on the rare occasion something good does happen and you feel safe and happy, BANG! Something worse happens! My stress levels increase tenfold and my short-lived happiness becomes a distant memory! Which is a very new sensation for me. Because, call me crazy, but up until now, I’ve enjoyed stories were nice things could actually happen! Do you remember that concept? Nice things happening? Yeah, the memory is growing faint for me too….
Anyway, my blood pressure is hitting all time records but other than that, I can’t wait to continue this series! I’m sure I’ll be fine...…HAHAHAHAHA……
Now, let’s get into this! The prologue!
We finally meet Stannis Baratheon and wow! George really went out of his way to make him appear as unpleasant and dry as humanly possible! But I think I’ll leave my evaluation of him until I get to Davos. Instead, much like the prologue itself, I think I’ll focus my attentions on Cressen and the pussy-shadow maker herself, Melisandre.
I’m intrigued and terrified of her in equal measures. I think she has to be one of the most dangerously mysterious characters in this book because both her actions and motivations remain largely unknown to the reader, of course, you could say the same for Varys and Littlefinger, but, idk about you, but I find an all powerful zealot much more menacing!
Being a religious fanatic, I knew she wasn’t going to bring anything remotely positive to the picture, so I completely sympathised with Cressen and believed, (and continue to believe) he was justified in his concerns but this is ASOIAF, I knew things weren’t going to run smoothly but it’s incredibly unfortunate the poor man had to lose his life to try to protect the man he raised.
I remember being so disgusted with Stannis in his treatment of Cressen, this man raised you and loved you when apparently nobody else did, and you couldn’t even treat him with common decency! Ooooohhhh boy was I annoyed. Especially because I was so looking forward to finally meeting Roberts formidable brother, thinking this is the Baratheon I could root for and then had such a negative introduction to him! My opinion of him has certainly improved, but my initial impression was decidedly negative. Props again to George! He has a gift for understanding and portraying how subjective a characters perception can be, leaving the reader, to a certain extent, take the information we are given with a pinch of salt.
We also get a glimpse of Dragonstone! I must say, I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so, grim. Of course, the occupants are definitely a factor, looking at you Selyse, but the castle and island itself, it does not sound pleasant. It got me thinking about what Daenerys would think of it? I don’t really see this blending well with the beautiful, flowery aesthetic she is dreaming of. But then again, it’s built on a volcano, being the blood of the dragon and her fondness for heat, this could be the Valyrian equivalent of a cosy little cottage for her, who knows?
Also, that jester, Patchface creeps me the hell out! Why would you allow this crazy person near your child, Stannis??? Didn’t Cressen say he was the sole survivor of the wreck? So they really have no idea who this crazy person was? Yeah, that’s comforting…..
Now, lets get to the characters! Like before, I think I’ll just go in no particular order:
CATELYN: Remember when I said I had high hopes for this motheson team? Yeah, now I am extremely worried about this motheson team! I’m optimistic they will triumph in the long term but, presently, I’m certain more hurdles are going to be thrust in their direction! But, at the same time, what else could possibly go wrong for them at this point? Granted, Robb has won every battle, but everything outside of the battlefield has gone completely pear shaped! It’s extremely unfortunate that they’re doing everything right but that circumstance is getting in the way of their success!
It frustrated me in AGOT and continues to frustrate me in this book, that the Lannisters seem to have an unlimited supply of luck! Seriously! How tf are they succeeding??? Aaaahhhhh! Don’t get me wrong, I love Tyrion, and I continue to root for him, but the rest of this family needs to be taken out, immediately! Uuuuuggghhhh! I’m praying their rapid rise will soon come crashing down! We saw with Daenerys, George likes to strip his characters of everything before building them back up and I believe this is what he is doing with the Starks!
In the case of the Starks, however, it’s believing they’ve lost everything, in regards to Bran and Rickon, at least. But poor Catelyn! Discovering your children have been killed is horrendous enough, but believing their heads have been mounted on your castle walls? I just can’t even comprehend the levels of emotions she must be feeling!
I must say, I was not expecting the way Catelyns storyline played out in this book but I enjoyed it nonetheless! I thought she would become more of a leading figure in Robbs court but she seems to have taken a back seat and I’m very uncomfortable with that. I truly believe Robb will become a great ruler but age is not on his side. He needs the guidance and counsel only a parent can give their child, not that of a subject to their sovereign. There are things a ruler needs to be told that their followers wouldn’t be as forthcoming with as I believe Catelyn would be! Of course, I can understand, from Robbs perspective, asserting his leadership is challenge enough, given his young age, without his mother by his side, so I can understand his reluctance to have Catelyn close to him, but still, it frustrates me!
That reminds me, don’t ask me how, but I forgot to talk about Robb in my first post, it goes without saying, I love him and am rooting for him! But what I wanted to talk about was him being proclaimed King in the North! I’ll admit, it was a powerful, goosebump inducing scene but omg how tf did the Northerners and Rivermen/Riverlanders? think that was a good idea? Talk about adding fuel to the fire! But anyway, I just wanted to mention that before getting back to Catelyn.
I really admired her attempts at forming a truce between the Baratheon brothers, alas, to no avail, but still, good effort! I really don’t understand Renlys thought process though? Seriously, what sort of precedent are you setting here? Do you expect the realm to bleed after the death of every King? Each claimant fighting for their right to rule? He is/was, the embodiment of style over substance. Like Cressen mentions, it’s just a childs game to him and like a child, I don’t imagine him playing too long before growing bored and then Westeros would’ve been left with a Robert 2.0.!
I also have to talk about Brienne of Tarth! What a character! Of course she couldn’t be a badass knight, she had to be accused of murder and treason! She is a kind hearted character after all! Imagine nice things happening for her? If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry! Honestly! But at least her circumstances led her to Catelyn! I am fully on board for this partnership and I look forward to seeing where they go from here.
I should talk about where they left off. They didn’t kill Jaime. I know that because that’s what I would want them to do and since when do I get what I want in this series? But why ask for Briennes sword if not? Didn’t Brienne pick up Renlys sword when they fled the camp? Does this sword have some magical element from Renlys death or something? I’m definitely overthinking it. Most likely it was used to whack him with the handle or something haha.
TYRION: If AGOT was Neds book, ACOK certainly has to be Tyrions. What a journey we’ve had with Tyrion. Beginning as Hand of the King and ending as…..what is he now? Tywin has resumed his position as Hand, is Tyrion going to be shipped back to Casterly Rock? I can’t see that happening. Ooooohhhh, wait, maybe that’s how he could reunite with Catelyn? If he is left with nothing after everything he has done, perhaps this is the tipping point for him to finally abandon this screwed up family and join with the Starks? Perhaps turning the tide in the war? Yeah, now that I’ve written it out, it sounds too convenient for this series but I’m hoping some variation of the above isn’t beyond the realms of possibility?
I was extremely impressed with Tyrion in many ways in this book and extremely disappointed in him in others. Of course, on the politic side of events, he was in his element! Oh those chapters were a beauty to behold! Watching him outmanoeuvre Cersei and putting the little toad Joffrey (screw you) in his place! Beautiful! Puts a smile on my face even thinking about it.
Let’s start with Janos Slyntt, I think that’s how you spell it but I’m not taking the time to check because he deserves no such attention! Ha! Coy Tyrion. Very coy. Although I wish he had just gone on and killed him, rather than burdening the watch with him! But alas, I can’t have my cake and expect to eat it all, now can I? I’ll take the wins when I can!
Then the deception to lure Cerseis informant out in the open. I had no idea who it could’ve been but once it was revealed as Pycelle, I was not at all surprised! I’m guessing Tyrion already knew and used the ploy to confirm his suspicions, seeing as he went ahead with sending Myrcella to Dorne?
I really enjoyed Tyrion and Varys’…..I want to say friendship? But I think partnership would be more fitting, as I don’t think either would blink an eye at turning on each other. It truly was beautiful to read though, their interactions I mean. The dialogue! A constant duel of words, equally matched and equally prodding for weaknesses. Both walking on a continuous line of thin ice but boy did they glid through! Ah, I loved it!
I do agree with Cersei though, and I shudder at that, but Tyrion did rely heavily on Varys. In my first post I think I said Varys could be trustworthy, but now, I don’t think so. He was certainly helpful, but he is playing his own game and so far, I have no idea what that could be, but I feel like Varys is helpful because he wants to be but could very easily switch sides should he ever choose to do so. That said, he is certainly not as ruthless as he must outwardly appear. We’ve seen after all, his efforts to protect Ned, Roberts bastards, etc. So, despite public opinion, he's really quite a softy. Well, maybe not a softy, but has a certain level of humanity, which, imo, classifies as a softy in this world!
Tyrions relationship with Baelish was much more confusing for me. He knows Petyr was behind his arrest and seemingly does nothing? I understand, in uncertain times, maintaining the treasury is an essential service, but I expected more from Tyrion than, “haha, you thought you were getting Harrenhal, you’ll think twice about backstabbing me now!.” It’s even more frustrating that he actually acquired the castle regardless! Again, I must begrudgingly give props to Littlefinger for playing the game flawlessly, but man, is it annoying!
Tyrions relationship with Cersei, aside from the political intrigue, must have been one of the more intriguing aspects of his chapters. Clearly, they’re not close, at all, but there is a certain, idk, its not affection but perhaps there was a certain level of respect between them. I think I must have been as shocked as Tyrion when Cersei hugged him when they received the news of Stannis marching on Storms End. But I was just as shocked when Tyrion poisoned his sister. I legit thought he just killed Cersei for a second. Turns out it was just diarrhoea, lol.
I don’t understand why he antagonised her so much though? I don’t understand why it was necessary for him to kidnap Tommen, unless I missed something? I feel like that was just unnecessarily hostile. Then threaten her with Tommens safety, idk, I just don’t think it was necessary. I felt it would have been more beneficial for him to reassure Cersei rather than threaten her. I get that his authority was being challenged but I can’t help but think he shot himself in the foot with that. I really don’t see their relationship recovering from this. Obviously, they didn’t have much of a bond before, but I feel like, before, there was at least a small glimpse of comradery between them but with this, I think he cut all ties with her and that troubles me. Cersei doesn’t hold back when it comes to her enemies. Especially those who threaten her children!
Don’t get me wrong, I want Tyrion to abandon this family, so I know it sounds hypocritical of me to say he should be nice to his sister but that’s so long as they’re playing on the same team but I really am hoping Tyrion eventually abandons Team Lannister! I’m feeling less sure of this outcome than I did at the end of AGOT but I’m still optimistic it’s going to happen, ideally sooner rather than later!
I should also mention Shae. It’s clear she only wants his gold but for whatever reason, Tyrion has fallen in love with his own made up version of her and I don’t see this relationship ending well, for either of them…..
ARYA: There were three characters I was immensely nervous for, going into this book, Jon, Sansa and Arya. I KNEW Arya wasn’t going to reach the North but I was hoping she would at least reach Riverrun! I knew that was an optimistic belief but I wanted to dream!
On the flip side I was terrified she was going to be captured by the Lannisters. My fears came somewhat true as she was captured, fortunately the Lannisters captured Weasel rather than Arya Stark!
I swear, my heart was in my mouth going into each of her early chapters, as they were travelling up the Kingsroad, each chapter more unnerving than the last because nothing bad had happened but I KNEW that wasn’t going to last! RIP Yoren btw, you smelled sour but your heart was sweet!
Arya was really our eyes on the ground with the ongoing conflict in the Riverlands and boy was it gruesome! George really didn’t hold back with the brutality of war! Her chapters were an interesting study on the morality of the conflict. I understand that it’s the Lannisters sacking and pillaging the Riverlands, but Robb fought fire with fire and I don’t believe his actions caused any less destruction in the Westerlands. The commons suffer, regardless of how honourable the intent may be!
Despite the ordeals she went through, I’m somewhat relieved she got through it relatively unscathed. But can we please sign this girl up for some therapy sessions? Seriously! I’m really starting to worry for Aryas mental health. It is not healthy for a 9/10 year old to have a list of people they wish to kill and repeat it obsessively each night, just saying….
Also, What THE ACTUAL F is going on with Jaqen H’Aghar? What’s the significance of the coin? And wtf does “Valar Morghulis” mean? Soooo many questions! I’m conflicted. On one hand, I’m slightly disappointed Arya didn’t go off with whoever that was. Of course, I understand her wanting to return to her family but imagine returning as a badass magical face changing assassin? That would’ve been epic! But I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing Jaqen again!
Yet, on the other hand, I’m not sure that’s really what Arya needs right now, given her current thirst for vengeance. I think she’s approaching a slippery slope. Of course, I want Arya to become a badass knight, but her progressively cavalier attitude towards killing is certainly unsettling, to say the least!
Also, Arya. YOU HAD THREE LIVES IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND. THREE. WHHHHHYYYYYYY????? GEORGE. SERIOUSLY???? Granted, she’s 10 but come on Arya! Bigger picture and all! Tywin. The Mountain. Joffrey. You could have ended it all!!!!! O.M.G!!!!!
I want to scream at somebody.
Seriously.
Now that I’ve come to the end, I leave this book feeling no less anxious for her safety than I did at the end of AGOT! From the little we’ve seen of Lord Bolton, he doesn’t seem like the forgiving type and I dread to think what would happen should they get caught! So she enters the next book, on the run. Again. Arya, what are you doing to my blood pressure???
JON: I am shocked! Shocked, people! Shocked that the Watch hasn’t been completely annihilated by the dead people roaming about! Not that I don’t believe that is still a valid concern, but I’m honestly amazed they’ve gotten this far without so much as a glimpse of them! I don’t think we’ve seen them at all in this novel? That in itself came as a huge surprise!
But my god, that march sounded absolutely miserable! It would’ve been horrible putting up with the cold, but constant rain on top of that? Hell to the no! Grim. Just kill me now. I could never!
We are introduced to the charming Craster in this book. What a delight he is! Honestly, I gagged. He marries his daughters and they give him more daughters. What? Wtf is it with incest in this series? No more. Please. We have sufficient incest George. Enough!
I am baffled as to Mormonts cavalier attitude towards Craster “sacrificing” his sons, though. He’s offering them to the gods, aka the ice zombies? What do they do with the sons? Wouldn’t that be an important question to ask? Do they eat them or recruit them? Can dead babies grow? Hahaha, I’m sorry, I just got an image in my head of what Dolorous Edd would say about getting taken out by a dead baby. Ha! Sorry. I love that man with all my heart btw.
I have a feeling though that Crasters daughter, Gilly, managed to sneak away and followed the Nights Watch, I feel like we’ll be seeing her again, why single her out otherwise?
I’m curious what the significance of Ghosts little discovery will be. Dragonglass? Is this used against the dead? Oooooohhhhh. I’m so f**king stupid. Dragons. Daenerys is going to play a big role in the fight against the dead isn’t she? Well that’s embarrassing that it took me this long to realise that. Lets draw a veil over that embarrassingly late epiphany, shall we?
Anyway, dragonglass, aka obsidian, a real world property, I understand the usefulness of fire breathing dragons but I’m not sure what makes dragonglass more powerful than normal steel? Unless this obsidian was formed by dragon fire? Perhaps. I shall wait and see!
So Jon has now become a double agent. Interesting indeed. I’m nervous for him. It’ll be interesting to see how he can convince Mance and the rest of the wildlings of his loyalty. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume, as a son of Eddard Stark, forsaking his sworn word to the Nights Watch isn’t going to be an easy task for him…..
I honestly have no idea how he is going to come back from this, especially with nobody left to corroborate his story. Not to mention he was the one to kill the Halfhand. I feel like Mormont will believe him, but with this series? I can’t be too sure! I guess I’ll just have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Again. I’m leaving Jon in another stressful position!
SANSA: How tf has nobody slaughtered Joffrey yet? Seriously. This is book two and he is still King? What the actual F**K??? SCREW YOU TO THE EXTREME, YOU LITTLE TOAD! FFS, I just want him to die slowly, screaming in agony. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for?! Oh, it was a beauty to behold when the little toad cut himself on the Iron Throne, crying for his mommy in front of the entire court, HA! Loved it. Peak literature, George! Thank you!
Unsurprisingly, Sansas position remains just as, if not more, precarious, as it did at the end of AGOT, now that her betrothal has been annulled.
I’m honestly surprised the marriage didn’t go ahead tbh. Going in to this book, I was certain I was going to watch Sansa being forced to marry this little c**t and I’m a little disappointed this didn’t happen. OK. OK. Let me explain. Obviously it would’ve put Sansa in a horrific position as Joffreys wife but she would have been Queen and a decent one at that, I’d bet! Playing her cards right, she could have amassed a certain level of influence.
I know that was a highly ambitious dream, as I doubt Cersei or Tyrion would have allowed her the opportunity and it certainly didn’t take into account the level of abuse she would have been forced to endure with Joffrey, but I wanted to dream.
So now she is no longer destined to be Queen, I’m really anxious for her future in Kings Landing, and I’m really hoping Dontos will finally get his act together and GET HER TF OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN CITY!
Also, can I just take a moment here to vent?
Dontos? Seriously? All the knights in the city and we’re given Dontos? Don’t get me wrong, I admire him for wanting to help Sansa but come on, Dontos??? His intent may be honourable but his capabilities are….lacking. He’s more likely to get her killed than rescued and as someone who wants to see Sansa safe, this stresses me tf out!
I have to say, I was very impressed with Sansa in this book. Saving Dontos being a prime example. Deftly done, I must say. This is what I’m saying when I think she would’ve been a good Queen, soothing the brutality of the King where she could.
I don’t think I mentioned it when discussing Tyrion, but the Blackwater battle was so well written! That entire sequence of chapters were my all time favourites of the series thus far! The back and forth between the battle outside and those seeking refuge within the castle walls, it made for gripping reading! I loved it! Which is quite surprising, as I’m usually not a fan of reading battle sequences, idk, my eyes just start glazing over when I’m reading pages of “my sword hit hard, I stumbled back, I raise another arm, I get hit in the back of the head, I lunge at my opponent, etc”, idk, it just never appealed to me before and I’d usually skip through all that to reach the outcome, but I was hooked!
I’m conflicted on how I feel about the Hound leaving without Sansa. Because I know for a fact her situation isn’t going to remotely improve until she gets the hell away from the Lannisters and the sooner, the better! But I don’t trust the Hound around her. I also think he would be too conspicuous for her to make a successful escape. I have no doubt he would die to protect her, but there is only so many opponents one man could take on before ultimately falling and then Sansa would be left to face untold misery.
That being said, I’m deeply troubled that with the Hound gone, Sansa has lost a valuable, if not somewhat unstable, ally. Aaaahhhhhh! Again, my blood pressure cannot handle this stress!
Theon: Serves me right for trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt! I think I described Theon as “a dick but somewhat good intentioned”. Yeah. He’s just a dick. What an utter idiot.
I can’t even be angry with him, now, that is. I was furious with him when he captured Winterfell, but in the end, I only felt pity for him. It’s never a nice thing, to realise what you are is so far removed from what you thought you could be, but add that on top of your imminent demise, it left Theons final days full of shame and melancholy.
I do feel a certain level of empathy for him. It couldn’t have been easy, growing up not really belonging and to return to what he considered his home, only to find it just as alien and void of any affection. I can certainly see the conflict of loyalty he felt between his foster family and his true family but omfg he made the absolute worst decision ever!
The Starks raised him, taught him everything he knows, he even pledged himself to Robb but of course, his inferior complex took over, blinding him and look where it got him!
I honestly don’t understand what his plan was though? In what world did he imagine he could hold Winterfell, regardless of how many men his sister left him? Did he honestly think Robb would just bend over and allow the Ironborn to keep the North? Aaaaaahhhhh!!!! The stupidity! I just can’t fathom it! I honestly can’t!
Can I just take this opportunity to shit talk the Ironborn? Because how tf have Westeros put up with these people for so long? Do they have any redeeming qualities? As far as I can tell, they’re Westeros’ equivalent of the Dothraki. Lawless pirates who have, for some reason or other, been allowed to rape, raid and pillage to their hearts content. Yuck.
I will say though, putting the whole, allowing her brother to feel her up part aside, I quite enjoyed Asha, and not only because she knew exactly how to push Theons buttons, ha! She’s everything Theon believed himself to be, and more! If she wasn’t so loyal to her father and undermining the Starks, I think I could like her!
Something I’m confused by however, Roose Boltons bastard is Ramsey Snow, but who was Reek and why did they think Ramsey was him to begin with? I’ll have to go back and reread because I either missed or forgot the explanation, but nevertheless, I hate him. He sounds disgusting, and I don’t mean the smell. It broke my heart to find out Lady Hornwood died such a tragic death, she seemed so sweet! Omg there is so much added misery in this series, we have enough sorrow going on with the main characters George, I don’t need to cry over the minors too!
Ramsey appears to be insane but tactful and that my friends is what I call a terrifying combination! I’m honestly unsure of what his goal is? Everyone believes him to be dead, why return to Winterfell once Theon freed him and kill the besieging army, only to then betray Theon in turn? Why tf does every single character have a scheme up their sleeves? Enough!
BRAN: I’m conflicted. I’m happy to see Bran finally getting the chance to head out into the wild in search for answers but it stinks that Winterfell had to be wiped out in order for this to be achievable. I honestly can’t see a scenario where Maester Luwin, Ser Rodrick etc would have allowed Bran the opportunity had Winterfell remained strong.
So, while I detest the actions of Theon and Ramsey as it significantly damaged Robbs position and led to untold misery for the castles inhabitants, it appears as though they actually inadvertently aided Brans progression in “How to Warg 101”. That’s if they actually succeed in their mission though! I’m still confused as to what exactly they will find or how they will manage to find it but I’m certain this will be significant, not just for Bran but for the Starks in general.
We finally find out the significance of Brans wolf “dreams”! Bran is actually a warg! But apparently Jon is too? And there are suggestions so is Robb? Perhaps even Rickon? Interesting. Very interesting. And very cool too! Damn, imagine how awesome it would be to be able to possess the body of a wolf!
It's deeply upsetting to me though that Sansa and Arya apparently are left out of this beyond incredible magical family trait! I’m assuming it’s because they have lost their wolfs? Another thing I can thank the f**king Lannisters for! Aaaahhhhh!
I’m curious though, Aryas direwolf is still alive and apparently leading an army of common wolfs in the Riverlands? Which is utterly badass in and of itself but if they’re reunited, does this mean Arya could potentially control an army of wolves? Or has their connection been broken? Oh, I hope not! I refuse to believe Nymeria is out there amassing a large force of wolfs only for it to lead nowhere! Oooohhhh, wait, will they be reunited now that Arya has fled Harrenhal? Oh that would be incredible! Imagine her rocking up to Riverrun with an army of wolves at her back!
On a sad note, does that leave Sansa as the only Stark sibling without magical abilities? Boo! I hate that!
I must say, after all they’ve been through, I feel for Rickon the most. Poor baby! He just wants his family back and I have no idea how he is going to process the loss of his last remaining family member. He wasn’t handling the situation too well to begin with, but now? That child is gonna need a hell of a lot of therapy and can we please sign Shaggydog up for some anger management classes too? That wolf troubles me!
I’m very intrigued to learn more about the Reeds! As crannogmen, they appear to be somewhat disconnected from the rest of the North, with their own unique traits and customs. Seemingly more in touch with the environment around them, there are claims they are descended from the children of the forest. I have a feeling they will prove invaluable on the expedition North!
I should probably be concerned that they’re essentially a small group of children on a journey through a divided and hostile land but I’m feeling naively optimistic of their chances. I know that this has backfired on me in the past but I can’t give up hope! I refuse!
DAENERYS (DAY-EN-AIR-E-US?): I must say, the pace of Daenerys’ chapters took quite a slow turn in this book, didn’t they? Perhaps there were times I felt the story moved a little too slow for my liking but I knew going into this book, things weren’t going to fall onto her lap overnight
Although her dragons hatched, when we left Daenerys in AGOT, she was pretty much sitting at rock bottom, her husband and child dead, the vast majority of her people gone, along with all of Drogos wealth I imagine too! I knew it would take time for her to get back on her feet and that was essentially what her ACOK journey was.
We start off the book with the red comet and, although every character appears to take it as a sign of their coming, I feel like Daenerys was the obvious recipient. Heralding in the new era of dragons! They sounded adorable btw! “Who’s going to grow up to be big weapons of mass destruction? You are! Yes you are! Yes you are!!!” Cute but they’re gonna do some damage! I can’t wait to see Joffreys face when he gets burned to a crisp! Hehe, I can’t wait!
I’m surprised by the names she chose for them though. Drogon makes sense, he was her moon and stars after all, but I’m surprised she named the other two after her brothers, both of which don’t really have the greatest of reputations?
Sent by the comet, Daenerys spent most of her time in Qarth seeking out its leaders to fund her conquest of Westeros, frustratingly, to no avail. Even more frustratingly is that she had to sell all of her newly acquired wealth to fund her ultimately worthless bribes.
The only thing of note was her trip to the House of the Undying and it instantly humbled me of any belief that I was in any way wise because there is no way in hell I would’ve made it out of that maze alive!
I’m assuming these were hallucinations brought on by whatever it was she drank but obviously with some element of magic?
There were a lot of visions but the two that stood out to me were:
The wolf head with the Iron crown is obviously Robb. The feast with corpses, I’m guessing this is depicting the savagery of the war? Perhaps it signifies the walking dead? From my earlier embarrassingly late realisation, I’m guessing this references the need for Daenerys’ help against the dead?
Secondly, what Daenerys made out to be her brother Rhaegar with his wife and newborn son, “his is the song of ice and fire”, “there must be one more……the dragon has three heads”, Daenerys has three dragons, I’m assuming Rhaegar believed his son to be “the Prince that was promised”, but I’m guessing instead it’s Daenerys? My brain hurts trying to process this! In reality, I have absolutely no idea what the hell was going on but those are the only takes I could come up with! Like Daenerys, this sequence has left me with far more questions than answers!
My blood pressure is not having a good time with all of this, which is not helped with the knowledge that Daenerys has made a powerful enemy with regards to the warlocks! Especially now that their powers are getting stronger! That’s just perfect!
I’m glad to see her leaving Qarth, the further away the better, I say! But I’m honestly surprised Illyrio found her so quickly! Hopefully once she reaches Pentos she can gather forces and enhance her position while waiting for her dragons to grow bigger and stronger! Thinking about it, I’m pretty sure Daenerys is the only character leaving this book on a high lol!
DAVOS We have new players entering the game ladies and gents! I really liked Davos and I’m hoping we haven’t seen the last of him? I don’t think we have but I’m not sure how the man could possibly survive!
I really felt for him! To watch the man you serve fall into the arms (figuratively or perhaps literally) of a religious fanatic! I mean, come on George, zealots are bad enough without giving them magical powers!
Davos himself is an interesting character. He appears to be a decent, kind hearted man which took me a while to get used to as we’ve met so few of them in this series so far! Turning from a smuggler to a knight and right hand man to Stannis Baratheon, he is in quite a unique position within Westeros, as well as Stannis’ Court. I can’t imagine many commoners are given such a meteoric rise in fortunes! Stannis himself sees his true worth but he must endure the snobbery of his Lords bannermen, God forbid they had to listen to wisdom from a commoner! Gasp! The horror!
We got a glimpse of his backstory, apparently he smuggled onions into Storms End during Roberts Rebellion, making all the difference to the besieged, but it’s unclear as to how he was put in that position to begin with? I imagine he had some sort of relationship with Stannis beforehand in order for him to take such a risk? Especially when he allowed Stannis to mutilate him in return for his service? I get he was granted a keep and lands and everything, but my god, no wonder nobody ran to fight for Stannis!
Let’s actually talk about Stannis. I’m not sure how I feel about him. There are instances, mainly his interactions with Davos and his relationship with Devan, that I really like him and I can certainly see why a man like Davos supports him, but then there are aspects of his personality that I find grating. The grinding teeth habit aside, I just can’t get past the sulkiness. I swear, he remembers every single slight given it him since he was born and refuses to forgot or forgive! Perhaps I could overlook this aspect of his personality, had he not aligned himself with such a fanatic. I mean, from as far as I can tell, he has more or less sold his soul to the devil.
I can’t help but make the comparison here to Macbeth. They share many similarities and I can very well see them sharing the same fate because there is no way in hell Stannis is this "Azor Ahai”! I mean, it was a cool little trick and sounds like an amazing sword but that whole spectacle of retrieving it from the flames was an absolute farce!
Besides, Stannis has already been defeated. Alive, but backed into a corner! I don’t see him giving up, though! That man will fight until the bitter end! I admire him for that but allowing himself to so overtly ingratiate himself with this religious cult, I can’t say I’ll be sad to see him lose, which I believe, ultimately, he will, but with Melisandre by his side, I can see him causing a lot of damage before he falls. So long as that damage is contained solely towards the Lannisters though, I’ll be satisfied.
I will say, his assault on Kings Landing made for an unsettling array of emotions. Who tf was I supposed to root for??? Its no secret that I want Joffrey and Cersei to die, ideally painfully, but I was rooting for Tyrion to succeed!
At the same time, I really like Davos and I wouldn’t have an issue with Stannis as ruler but for Melisandre! In the end I gave up on choosing a side and just prayed my favourite characters survived!
I’m curious to see, should he survive, where Davos’ story goes from here. I have a feeling he has become a Lannister prisoner!
As for Stannis? “Double, double, toil and trouble.”