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These last few parts have taken a lot longer for me to write than I thought. A lot of shit has gone down in the last two months, and a lot of it, frankly, is kind of a blur. But I figure, if you've stuck with me this long, then you deserve to know how it all ended up so I'm going to try my best to remember every detail of what happened.
Me? I've spent every free hour I've had, just lying in bed. I've got a lot of healed wounds that still hurt me pretty damned badly.
Blood loss from multiple gunshot wounds and then drowning in the East River, dying and then being brought back while still human, incidentally, takes a lot out of a guy.
But… I'm getting way ahead of myself.
Where were we, again?
Oh yeah, that's right. The funeral without caskets, inside of a Ukrainian restaurant just off the boardwalk in Brighton Beach. That's where I left off at.
()()()
Antoni's corpse and I had spoken together for a while longer, about Beccs and their baby, actually, sitting there in the floor in front of the three empty bathroom stalls. The next moment, as usual, he was… just gone.
It took a while to slow the bleeding, and it took even longer to try and clean myself up with just hand soap and paper towels and the water from the sink. Nobody came into the bathroom again, and as I left, I saw why. There was a sign on the door that read 'Out of Order' with something printed below it in Cyrillic that I imagined probably said the same thing as the English.
My new winter coat had been left on the floor in front of the door and the Emergency Exit at the end of the hall had its alarm disabled and had been left propped open with a brick.
I took that as a clear message that they didn't want me rejoining the party, so I exited into the alley and sat on a milk crate chain-smoking until 2 PM when the funeral ended.
The weather app on my phone said it was 10 degrees outside, but oddly enough the cold air felt soothing on my bruised face. My eyes were nearly swollen shut, and every now and again I had to pull some of the toilet paper out that I'd stuffed in my pocket to wipe another trickle of blood from my nose when I sniffed a little too hard and moved the clots loose.
At 1:57, I started to hear people exiting the restaurant, so I moved onto the sidewalk to wait for Becca. The people leaving the funeral only glanced at me for a second and then looked away with a bored expression, like I wasn't even there. Finally, only Becca and Toni's immediate family were still inside.
Tatiana gave Becca a hug, Igor, a gentle handshake, and Antoni Sr. bent down, cupped his hands around Becca's face and pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead. I could see that his right hand was bandaged and he was holding it straighter than his left. Good. I hoped the fucker had broken it when he'd punched me in the jaw.
As Becca exited, I could tell she was angry even before she stomped over to me and shoved me three times in quick succession. Like Jimmy, Becca was a lot stronger than she looked, but now I knew why. I couldn't do much but ball up and take the hits.
"Where the fuck did you go? You just took off and left me there by myself. 'He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye if he had a choice.' You knew, you cocksucker, you knew, you knew he was dead!"
"Yeah, I knew! Antoni was in the news. But we gotta get the fuck out of here, Beccs, you're making a scene, another one, and I gotta get outta this neighborhood before something worse happens to me."
The high color of anger in her cheeks dropped away immediately into a pallid white. She'd been so pissed she'd never once registered the state of my face.
"Jesus Christ, Tony, what the fuck happened to you?"
"Your little Polish sausage's Daddy Dearest just beat the fuck out of me in the men's bathroom, that's what the fuck happened."
"Why would he do that?" Becca asked, but I didn't answer. She looked back to Skovorodka, following my gaze. Antoni Sr. was still standing there, just inside the front door, watching me with narrowed eyes, his hands folded neatly behind his back like a soldier at ease. It reminded me a lot of how Antoni used to stand while we were waiting for the train together.
"Fuck," she muttered, then "Shit," and grabbed me by the arm. "Come on."
"Why would he do that?" She asked me again as we climbed the stairs to the train platform.
"Antoni was Mob, Becca, Bratva. His whole goddamned family is. Him and his brothers and his father and his fucking Russian uncle, and I'd say your Mama Tatiana probably isn't in the dark about what her brother and her hubby and his sons do to make a living, either. I don't know why the Zabrowskas were on the Avenue, but suffice to say it was probably for nefarious reasons, and Jimmy found out about it and took care of business.
"Only I don't think he realized exactly who he was taking out at the time he did it, or else he never would have put the body in the River for somebody to find. And then the other three showed up to avenge their brother, only two of 'em never made it past Bianchi any farther than Antoni did."
"The fuck are you trying to say?" Her tone says she already understands just fine and doesn't want to.
"I'm saying your dear sweet Mamma killed your boyfriend, Becca. She removed all the identifying marks from his body, ate what she wanted, then pulled all his teeth out and chewed off his hands and his feet. They dumped the body in the East River and they found him about 5 days ago, floating off of Battery Park."
"Oh God. That's why. I asked Tatiana where Antoni was going to be buried and she told me in the public cemetery on Hart Island. They're not claiming the body because they don't wanna go to the cops. For the last week I been cussing him for everything he was worth, and he's been laying in the fucking morgue." She pressed her hand to her mouth, and I saw her bloodshot eyes filling with tears again.
"Please don't cry, Becca, cause I'm gonna start crying again and I've cried enough for today."
She sniffed back her tears and swallowed hard.
"But I don't understand, Tony, what the fuck does that have to do with you?"
"They knew, Beccs, they knew how the Zabrowskas died, who killed them, and they knew I helped Moretti get rid of the bodies afterwards. That's why Antoni's father went after me. The uh… the fucking Pakhan thought Jimmy sent me there to rub it in their faces that they weren't going to be able to bury any of their boys."
"How the fuck would they know that?" She barked at me.
"Somebody's feeding them information and not some asshole on the street, somebody from inside the Camorra."
"Who would do that?"
I saw her eyes darting about wildly as she tried to think of the answer to her own question.
"I don't know, uh, the driver that brought Moretti, he didn't look like he was too fond of Bianchi, maybe he's a fucking option."
"Frankie? I mean, him and Ma have never gotten along. He's never liked her and the feeling's mutual but… that doesn't make any sense, Frankie's always been loyal to the Camorra. Rossi always said he practically muttered the Omerta in his fucking sleep, that he was a soldato down to the bones."
"I have no idea, Becca, but it gets worse," I said quietly. If it didn't hurt so goddamned bad, I would've squeezed my eyes shut.
"How the fuck could it possibly get worse, Tony?"
"First you gotta promise you're not gonna hit me again."
Her hand balled into a fist, and I couldn't help but flinch.
"I'm gonna knock you the fuck out right now if you don't stop wasting my time, Cipriani."
"I sold her out, Becca. Bianchi. I told them where she lives and how to find her tonight."
"You what!?"
"I had to! He was gonna cut my fucking fingers off, and I don't know if he was going to take all four or just three but I wasn't about to fucking find out. I kind of need those fingers seeing as I'm a fucking southpaw!"
I held my left hand out to her, curled my fingers inward, but the third finger just… stayed straight. "Ah, fuck, I didn't even notice that."
"Jesus Christ, the tendon's been cut," she whispered, and when she pressed her hand to her mouth again she looked less like she was swallowing back tears and more like she was trying to swallow back vomit. I couldn't really blame her. I felt pretty nauseous myself.
"You know, I'm, I'm not worried about Ma," she said, finally. "It wouldn't be the first time somebody's tried to take her out. She's harder to kill than they think."
"Would, uh, would cutting her head off work? Cause if so I think they're already pretty aware of how to get the job done. They… they know Bianchi's not human, Becca."
Her face got paler, if that was even possible, and her eyes were the size of saucers.
"This is a goddamn nuclear disaster. Jesus fuck."
We stood the last few minutes waiting for the train in silence. As the doors slid shut and we sat down, Becca began laughing wildly.
"So you're in hysterics for real, huh?" I asked.
"You're gonna have to forgive me, I'm a little slow on the uptake today, but I just got it, Polish sausage… only, he wasn't little, you know, he was hung like a fucking horse, and it's a goddamn tragedy for women everywhere that the man isn't on this earth anymore. And he knew how to use it, too. Best sex I ever had in my life… only sex I ever had in my life, but that's not the fucking point." A short, barking sob tore out of her.
I groaned. "You know, that is way, way more information than I ever wanted to know about you and Antoni's sex life. You couldn't, uh, you couldn't let that one pass by, huh?"
"I never pass up the opportunity to make a good dick joke. And he had Good Dick."
I laughed and regretted it as it tightened muscles in my stomach that were still a little angry about being used as Antoni Sr's personal punching bag.
"Touché, Miss Rebecca, touché."
"The two-faced bastard, I gotta give the motherfucker that much, you know, it's a uniquely personal way to say Fuck You to the Underboss, getting his teenaged daughter pregnant. I am so, so goddamned tired of being a pawn in other people's games. He's lucky he's already dead or I'd kill the bitch myself," she whispered.
"It wasn't a game, Becca, what happened between you and Antoni," I whispered back. I knew because Antoni's corpse had told me as much. "Don't ask me how I know, cause I don't wanna talk about it, but it wasn't a game. You didn't know about him and he didn't know about you and it was a big, fucked up coincidence. You loved him, and he really, truly loved you... he worshiped the ground you walked on." Actually, he had said he worshiped the boots she walked in, but I figured it was a translation issue. "It was a regular old Romeo and Juliet: Brooklyn Edition."
She squeezed her eyes shut, snorted and at the same time choked on another sob.
"Yeah, but Romeo and Juliet ended in a double suicide, not a murder and a single mother." Her tiny hand went to her mouth again, and she wasn't able to hold back the tears this time. "I miss him, Tony, I miss him so fucking much."
"You know, Beccs, I miss him, too." I miss him when he was alive, not looking like a walking nightmare, and talking my goddamned ear off half the time, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "He was the first friend I made down here."
"It's fucking stupid. I still remember every single thing he said to me those first few times I met him."
"Odd as it is, I do too, Beccs. He was that kind of guy, I guess, he didn't have to work hard to make an impression on people. It was, uh, three days after I moved in, I think. I was in the basement, getting ready to do my laundry that morning, fighting with the stuck knob on that machine down at the end? And he walks in with his clothes basket balanced on his hip and reaches past me and just… turned the fucking thing, like it wasn't even stuck to begin with. 'It has an attitude, but it likes me,' he says, and I say, 'I can see that.'
"And he, he told me his name. 'Zabrowska,' he says, 'Antoni.' And I laughed and said, 'Nice to meet you, Toni, I'm Tony.' 'Really?' he says, and I say 'Yeah. Really. Antonio Alessio Gioele Cipriani, the third, if you please.'"
"Goddamn, that name is painfully Italian. No wonder you tell everybody 'Just call me Tony,'" Becca snorted.
"Thank you, Miss Rebecca, I can assure you I didn't pick it myself. But, 'Ah,' Toni says and kind of taps his hand in the center of his chest, 'Junior.' And I laughed again and said 'Our parents were goddamned creative when it came to the baby naming, right?' And he laughed, too, and shook my hand.
"And uh, a few days after that he showed up outside of my apartment and asked me if I wanted to go watch a game with him and his brothers at the sports bar down the street. It was Poland vs Korea. I still don't know shit about soccer, I've always been more of an American football kind of guy, but I did learn quite a few Polish swear words that day. Apparently they'd all bet money on the home team winning that game."
"I bet you did. Poland kept catching red cards that whole game. I bet on Korea, of course, and altogether I won 8 grand from four extremely pissed off Polish dudes when we stomped their ass all over the pitch. I had no idea how seriously the four of them took soccer. Antoni wouldn't even talk to me for three days. Probably didn't help I made an ass of myself laughing at all of them. Course, I woulda bet more if I'd known they were good for it. Dry cleaners, my ass," Becca spat.
"Well, in Antoni's defense, he probably did work at a dry cleaners like he told us, just like you work at a bodega, and Jimmy and me work at a restaurant, and Pops works at a hardware store. We all got day jobs. You know, I hate to bust your balls, Becca, but did it… never occur to you to ask Antoni if the tattoos meant something?"
"No," she said weakly. "I mean, I knew they were prison tats but Jesus Christ, half the people I know have been to prison. You've been to prison, half of my cousins have been to prison, hell, Pops has been to prison. You weren't here then, but all of 2016 to 2020 I was wearing a 'Free Rossi' t-shirt everyday, a lot of people in this neighborhood did. Ma got him off on the Murder 1 charges but numbers are numbers, and she couldn't get him out of the Tax Evasion. But I figured, if Antoni didn't wanna talk about it, then it was none of my business what had happened before we met each other."
She'd minded her own business a little too hard this time.
"What did you and Antoni talk about, Becca?"
"Everything! And anything, and nothing, all at the same time. He'd complain about living with his brothers, about Misiu always leaving hair all over the bathroom, and how Ciech always left sugar all over the kitchen counter after he made his coffee. And I'd complain about having to pick up all the empty bottles of makgeolli after my Dad in the morning. I'd help him wash all the dishes his dirty ass brothers would leave piled in the sink, and fold everybody's clothes.
"We got along well, me and Antoni, we were actually very compatible, we were both neat freaks when it came to our housekeeping. We even folded our towels the same way. And he'd bitch about how Igor could never balance the register correctly at the end of the day, and I'd bitch about how my Dad never checked our invoices correctly, and I was always having to cuss out the distribution reps for shorting us on our deliveries myself.
"And we'd watch TV together. He always made fun of me for the lame ass old Chuck Lorre sitcoms I loved to watch, and I'd make fun of him for all the stupid cop dramas he watched, every Law and Order known to man, and Blue Bloods and shit. We just… talked to each other, like we were two regular people, just living our lives. It was simple and it was easy, and it was enough, it was goddamned enough for me. Our relationship was the one normal thing I had going in my fucked up life."
She cracked at the end, sobbing brokenly. She turned her head to the side, pressed her face into my bicep as she wrapped both arms around mine. Tears filled my eyes, as well, and now I was wiping snot out of my nose as well as blood. I felt goddamned sorry for the kid, and I felt like she had a right to cry, but I had to distract her, for my own sake.
"So tell me, when was the first time you talked to Antoni? Was that the same day he asked you out?"
"No, there was some time between the two. He'd been there about a week, I guess, after they moved in. They got there back in like April. I'd fucked with him the first day, you know, asked him where the hell the accent came from, and he said Poland, and I told him welcome to America cause I felt like being a dick. And he said that he'd already been in country five years and I laughed at him and told him, goddamn, I couldn't tell cause he still sounded like he was fresh off the boat. And he got this look on his face, like he was trying to decide if he needed to be offended or not, so I told him I was just fucking with him, that he was doing better than my Mom, God rest her, cause it was seven years after she got here from Seoul before she even learned a word of English and my Dad was the one that had to teach her."
"Makes sense. I moved in in June, Toni mentioned he'd only been in the building about two months hisself."
She nodded, I could feel the movement in the sleeve of my coat where her cheek was pressed to my arm.
"Him and his brothers started coming in every day after that and you know, I kind of had my eye on him from the first time I talked to him. He was goddamn gorgeous, quite literally the walking definition of 'tall, dark, and handsome.' He had those incredibly blue eyes, and that fucking accent, man, shit put me in knots everytime he came in. I learned them all pretty quick, and Antoni was easy. He got the same thing everyday, box of Newport 100s and a pack of Russian Cream Backwoods with a large slushy. You know I gotta keep the cups behind the counter because motherfuckers'll fill it up and walk out when I get busy. I saw him when he came in, and went over to the ATM, so I had his shit sitting on the counter waiting for him."
Becca had a talent for memorizing all of the regular's orders, it wasn't unusual to see a long line of cigarettes, blunts, medicine, sometimes even crack pipes and Chore Boys, and anything else she kept behind the counter, set up neatly next to the register. She also had a talent for running both registers at the same time when the line got overly long and she was there alone. Sometimes I had no idea how she kept up with it all, but that was just Becca.
"And this drunk asshole came in, right after, he didn't even belong in the neighborhood, he stayed in Bed-Stuy, but he was with his cousin, and his cousin I knew and he was shooting me apologetic looks so I was already on guard. I was in a bad goddamn mood that day, anyway. And the drunk bitch, he walked over to the bathroom and tried to open it."
"Key's behind the counter," I said, and she nodded.
"And the key costs five dollars cause people make a fucking mess in the bathroom and I ain't cleaning that shit everyday for free. Well, drunk fuck got pissed and started talking a bunch of shit and threw his five dollars down on the counter, and you know, I can't stand that. You don't throw money at me, I ain't a goddamned stripper, you can put that shit in my hand or you can get the fuck out my store. And, I said 'Naw, son, for you it's gonna cost ten, five dollar Drunk Dick surcharge for being an asshole and cutting my line.' And the motherfucker… he called me a fucking stupid little bitch, and he told me people like me needed to be sent back to my own country."
I made a sound of disapproval, already seeing where this was headed.
"I hate that stupid shit. Where the fuck am I getting sent back to? The fucking hospital in Manhattan where I was born? Everybody in the store just kind of stopped and stood there, and dude's cousin? He just shook his head at me and walked right out the store and left him there."
"He wasn't gonna get involved, huh?" I asked.
"Fuck no. He wasn't stupid. I… uh, I was seeing red by that point so I balled up his money and I threw it across the store and told him to get the fuck out. I don't even remember half the shit I said to him, but I was yelling and he was yelling back and all of a sudden Antoni was… just there. I never even noticed him walking up. He was a big motherfucker, but goddamn he was quick and quiet when he wanted to be."
Becca laced her fingers through the fingers of my right hand and I gave them a squeeze as she readjusted her head against my shoulder. I turned mine to press a kiss to her hair. She was short enough that I didn't have to worry about bumping my nose. As I turned back, I noticed that there was a puddle of water on the seat across from us, and a pit formed in my stomach immediately. My face felt cold as the blood drained from it. The puddle of water made me more than just a little nervous to see it.
I had new enemies stacking up quick, and the last thing I needed was a pissed off, jealous ghost because his grieving fiancée was getting a little handsy with me. But… Antoni never showed himself, so I could only assume he approved of my offering her comfort in her time of need. Either that or he was waiting till I was alone to express his displeasure.
"'Is there a problem here?' was all he asked and the drunk bitch turned around and he got even more pissed. He goes 'Man, fuck you, white boy. Mind your own goddamned business.' And Antoni kind of got in his face, and goes, 'I have made it my business. She told you to leave. Either remove yourself or I will remove you.'
"And the liquor must've given him a bigger set of balls than he actually had, cause he took a swing at him. And Antoni, he just kind of… leaned back a little to avoid the swing and then leaned back in and… he knocked that bitch out cold with one punch. And then he picked him up, literally picked him up, and threw his ass out on the sidewalk, and kind of dusted his hands off afterwards."
"Well, if he's anything like his father then he could throw a hell of a right cross."
Becca laughed weakly.
"Yeah, his Dad boxes, they all did, you know, from when they were young. Antoni told me he got in his Dad's face once when he was about 16, and Old Papa Zabrowska coldcocked him in the kitchen, and when he woke up on the couch, his Dad dragged him out back in the alley and beat him bloody. Told him if his little grown ass thought he was a man, then he was grown enough to get his ass stomped like a man."
That made me feel a little better, to be honest. At least I wasn't the only one I knew who had caught an ass kicking from Antoni Sr.
"I bet he didn't talk shit to his Pops again after that, huh?"
"I asked him that exact question, he said 'Oh no, no, never again. I learned my lesson.' Toni and his brothers, though, were always getting in fights, even when I knew them. He told me it was hard on their Mama, back in Kraków, having four hormonal, teenaged boys with just shy of a year between each of them, you know cause… us fucking Roman Catholics ain't too fond of any method of contraception."
"I didn't know you was Catholic, too, B."
"Of course. Rossi is a devout Catholic, and that's how he raised me, and Nia, she's an Angel, you know, a Fallen One, that's what they call themselves, but she's even got real wings. A little more leathery and less feathery, but… same thing. She goes to Mass daily, turns out demons are actually very religious. Both of my parents were atheists, and that's how they raised me, but after some of the shit I've seen, you know, it ain't too unbelievable that there's a Big Guy upstairs."
She sniffed again, wiped at her nose and I offered her a bit of toilet paper from my pocket.
"That's how it all got started, the War in Heaven. God created Adam, the first living human body, and he told all the spirits in Heaven to kneel to him. And at least half of them weren't too fond of that idea, and the Morning Star stepped up as representative and said they wouldn't kneel to anyone but God. And they, uh, they lost the War, and He banished them all to Earth, to wander without bodies of their own while the other side got to come to Earth one at a time, to live their lives.
"But… then there was the first murder, Abel. Cain beat him to death with a rock, and the blood on the ground, the first human blood ever shed in violence, it called to God, but He wasn't the only one it called to. The blood, it gave him a way inside of a body. Lucifer. He was the First One. He's still here, you know, I've met him. He has a particular fondness for Nia, he calls her Young One, cause according to him 1607 wasn't all that long ago."
"I guess it isn't when you're that old."
"But, back to what I was saying about Toni, all of them were packed into one place together like fucking sardines, the four boys sharing one bedroom in a two bedroom apartment, and all having vastly different personalities. Tatiana is little, like me, and I don't imagine she could do much to break them up when they got to fighting about everything from who ate all the leftovers to who got the top bunks on the beds."
"Probably not," I answered.
"I mean, I could practically smell the testosterone in their fucking apartment whenever I walked in, and it was probably even worse back then. And apparently, that had been their Dad's method of keeping them from tearing up his wife's house all the time. Whenever a problem inevitably developed, he'd just take them down to the gym and throw them in the ring without any gloves and tell them to fucking handle it, and whoever was still standing at the end was the one that won the argument.
"Uh, but, uh, when Toni hit the guy, all, all I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open like a fucking fish. I mean, I was in love, right that fucking second, standing there. The hormones were running on overdrive, my head was practically spinning with how fast all the blood rushed south, you know? Everybody was still standing there and Antoni tried to get back in line and I said, 'Uh-uh. Take your shit and go on.' And he goes," Beccs began laughing again, laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes once more.
"He goes, 'Am I in trouble?'''
I had to wrap my left arm tight around my stomach because I couldn't stop myself from laughing either. The makeshift bandage on my left hand that I'd wound out of paper towel had soaked through, I was going to have to change it soon.
"He didn't say that, Becca."
"Yes the fuck, he did. And I went, 'No, you dumbass, it's on the house, and in case I gotta translate, that means it's free. Small price to pay for a security detail.' And he just kind of blinked at me for a second, before he nodded his head and grabbed his things off the counter, went and filled his slushy up."
"You probably scared the piss out of him for that second, he probably thought he'd been found out. That's what they call it, what he was, Obshchak, Security Group."
"He stopped before he left, and told me thank you. And I said 'No, dziękuję', thank you. And then I winked at him and said 'Miłej nocy, piękna.'" She straightened up as the train began to slow for our stop.
"And what did that mean?"
"Have a good night, gorgeous." She said with a watery grin.
"Smooth, B, real smooth. Nothing quite like hitting on a man in his native language. "
"I mean, you know us, Tony, we got Southern Hospitality down here. As long as you're not an asshole, I do everything I can to make sure everyone feels welcome when they come inside. That's why there's a sign on the door that says 'DMZ.' They might have beef on the streets but don't nobody take that shit inside my store. And that means asking the Mexicans down the street if they need a bolsa, and making sure I ordered Farid's miswaks so he didn't have to walk all the way down to the Pakistani store, and sometimes it means learning a little bit of Polish so I could flirt with the new guy downstairs the next time he came in."
We exited the train, made the switch, and stood on the platform waiting for the next to take us back to Avenue U. As I glanced to the side, I could see a puddle forming on the platform next to me, drip by drip. It was already freezing around the edges. As it turned out, I wasn't the only nosy fuck around here.
"And apparently the flirting was well received by our dearly departed half-Russian friend."
"Apparently, cause about a week later I was having a busy fucking Friday night and my Dad had already gone home, and I was trying to shut her down but motherfuckers kept coming inside right up until 11. I made DeAndre from downstairs stand at the door and tell people we were closed and that he was the last customer for the night and after I rung him up I told him to flip the sign on the door and I'd lock it when I finished my cigarette count… only, I forgot to ever lock it, and DeDe's traitorous ass, he fucking set me up. He knew I had a thing for Antoni, and when he saw him coming down off the platform and rushing down the sidewalk, he let him in and told him he was the last customer for the night and to flip the sign on the door."
She closed her eyes for a moment.
"It took me… exactly 16 minutes to notice he was there. I know, cause after I was done pissing myself when I figured out I wasn't alone, the Polish smart-ass showed me his watch. He'd set a timer when he realized I wasn't paying any attention to him, and then just stood there, waiting to see how long it would take. I had my earphones in, and it took four songs," she held up her hand and ticked them off with her fingers. "'Savage Like', 'Money, Sex, Drugs', 'Proud' and 'Only.'
"I turned around and screamed like a little bitch when I saw him. And then I got pissed, cause I was embarrassed, I'd been singing along to all the songs cause I thought I was alone in the store. I started screaming at him. 'What the fuck, you can't read? The sign says Closed.' And he goes 'No, it didn't. It still said Open. I turned it myself.' I hadn't counted down my register yet, so I just went ahead and grabbed his shit and rung him up, cussing DeDe the whole time and I asked him how long he'd been standing there, and he showed me his watch. And he says, 'You shouldn't wear those, it's dangerous,' talking about my headphones, and I said, 'What are you, my fucking father?' And he got kind of a funny look on his face."
I released a weak snicker, holding my stomach tight again. I couldn't resist fucking with them both a little bit.
"He kinda had a point, Becca. Although, I can tell you he was probably less concerned about being your father and more concerned about becoming your Daddy."
"Oh, so now you got the dirty jokes," Becca said flatly.
"What can I say, B, you're a bad influence on me."
"Eh," she said after a moment, "You wouldn't be the first. You know, months later he told me that he'd stood there that long because he didn't think he'd have the nerve to ask what he wanted to ask the next time if he left, which, you know, what the fuck? What am I, scary?"
I couldn't help but laugh again.
"Yes, Becca, you are, you're fucking terrifying half the time. You might be a short fuck but dynamite comes in small packages, you know? He was probably afraid you'd tell him to suck your dick and ban him from the store for a month like every other poor motherfucker I've seen ask you out, and he probably didn't want to go through your particular brand of ridicule in front of an audience, on top of that, with all the other customers laughing him out of the store."
"It ain't my fault I'm this size," she said after a moment, shooting me a perturbed look.
"No shit, Sherlock. It's genetics."
"It ain't even that. It's the blood. I mean, my parents were both tall, you know, for Koreans, anyway, my Mom was 5'6. I probably would've been too if I'd had the chance, but, you know, the blood it… stops things. Why do you think Jimmy looks the way he does? I mean, Pops believes in 'aging gracefully,' as he says, but old Giacomino is a vain fuck, and he's got more of a taste for 'the Stuff' than Rocco ever had. He turned 65 this year, he's only two years younger than Pops, he was already 34 years old when he met Nia for the first time. He tells people he's got a good plastic surgeon, when they ask. And the same thing happened to me. My body wanted to stay 8 years old, forever.
"Rossi had to get hormones, fucking estrogen and progesterone and HGH, off the black market to force my body to start puberty and to fucking grow. It's not like we could go to a doctor and explain why I needed the prescription. I mean, these tits aren't even mine. Ma bought 'em for my sixteenth birthday so I wouldn't feel so goddamned self-conscious. Nia's not exactly flat-chested, as you know, neither was my Mom, and it kind of gave me a fucking complex when I was growing up."
"I mean, is she? I haven't really noticed," I replied, evasively.
"Yes, you have, you lying fuck. There isn't a straight or bisexual man, or a lesbian or bisexual woman for that matter, that comes within fifty feet of Appolonia Bianchi that doesn't notice all of her unnatural charms. It made for some interesting 'family' trips during the summer when we'd leave the city, lemme tell you. I asked Pops once, you know, if he ever got jealous when she'd show up with some random dick she'd run across, cause I used to think it was pretty shitty of her.
"I said she could've at least kept things on the downlow and not throw it in Rocco's face every few days. But he told me no, he loved her, he understood her nature very well and he'd accepted what she was years before I was even born, and that she loved him too, and more importantly, respected him. She always introduced the men to him because that was what he'd asked of her. That it was the one aspect of control he had in the situation, giving his 'permission' for her little liaisons. That it made him feel better to let them know they might be getting a piece, but she'd be ending every night lying in his bed, regardless of what they did."
I nodded. "I guess I can kind of see his point."
"But, the blood, that's how I ended up pregnant. I mean, I'm not a dumbass, I know how babies are made, but I wasn't worried about using condoms with Antoni, neither of us wanted to. I told him if he gave me anything I'd cut his dick off, and he knew I was serious, too, and he considered it a proportional response. I didn't even think I could get pregnant.
"I stopped the birth control when I was 16 because it was making me gain weight and my cheer coach bitched me out in front of fucking everybody, and Rossi's guy said I needed to keep taking it to keep my hormone levels even. So I told Antoni I didnt want to get into my medical history, but suffice to say I was probably fucking sterile anyway, so he didn't have to worry about it, and he told me he wasn't worried about it at all. But apparently my fucking parts work better than I thought."
"Or maybe he had some damned determined swimmers, who knows."
"I don't know why I was even concerned about not using condoms anyway. Technically we were all excommunicated as of 2014. Pope said the mafiosi lifestyle isn't compatible with the Catholic one. You know, I wonder how Antoni would feel about all this, I wonder if he'd be pissed, think I lied to him about not being able to get pregnant."
"You're just gonna have to take my word for it, B, but he's not angry in the least, he's pretty fucking proud of hisself." I'd say his chest was stuck out but he didn't have much of a chest left these days, so I just kept that part to myself. "Pretty sure he said he wasn't worried about it because he was hoping you were wrong about being sterile."
Beccs gave me a strange look but the train arrived at just that moment. The people exiting did quite a bit of staring, unlike the people leaving the funeral, but I just tucked my arm around Becca and shouldered my way past them and found us a seat. The drops of water followed us into the train.
"What's with the present tense, Tony? Is that some kind of cliche 'he's lookin' down on you' bullshit?"
I snorted and wiped the bubble of blood from my nose, staring at the puddle of water that was starting to form in the seat next to us. I could feel the cold emanating from Antoni all along my left side. Oddly enough, it was easing the intense ache in my nearly severed ring finger.
"He ain't looking down on us, B, I can tell you that much."
"So it's a Hell joke?"
"No, not really. But then again, I'm pretty sure we're all in Hell right this second, Miss Rebecca, so yes, yes it is."

Divas Title.
The IWGP World Heavyweight Championship. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t have the same lineage as the belt that came before it. It doesn’t matter that it killed the Intercontinental Championship and buried it deep into the ground to rot. It doesn’t matter that it looks like if the Divas Championship got railed by the Big Gold and spit out a little premature bastard failed abortion six excruciating months later. It’s still one of the most prestigious championships in professional wrestling. Just look at the lineage. Kota Ibushi. Will Ospreay. Shingo Takagi. Kazuchika Okada. Jay White. Kazuchika Okada again. Ignore what happened after that please, that doesn’t need to happen and it won’t happen here.
It’s one of the most sought-after belts, and yet the current champion is SANADA. All of that talent vying to hold that gold, and the main event scene is SANADA and Yota “Good But Not There Yet” Tsuji. Nobody wants to see that, and it certainly doesn’t help the perception of the championship. That’s what I’m here for. A championship with a lineage like that deserves much, much better, and so that’s what I’m going to try and give it. We start back at the beginning of the year, at Wrestle Kingdom 17, with The Rainmaker and The Switchblade going to war in our main event.
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NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 17 - January 4th, 2023
Kazuchika Okada vs. Jay White (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
We just came off of one of the best matches in pro wrestling history, Kenny Omega vs. Will Ospreay, and White and Okada must do battle on a canvas now stained with blood, a testament to what kind of stuff these competitors must do to attain glory. It’s a great match, very counter-heavy, as both men are some of the best reversal artists that the sport has ever seen. Jay White wrestles like his usual sneaky self, but there’s just a foreboding sense that his time in NJPW is up. His glass jaw takes one too many dropkicks and he starts to fade. King Switch attempts to reverse a Rainmaker with a Blade Runner, but Okada muscles out of the counter, hits a Discus Rainmaker, and then follows it up with the real thing to seal the deal and take the title!
Kazuchika Okada def. Jay White in 33:03 to win the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
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NJPW New Year Dash!! - January 5th, 2023
Kazuchika Okada and Kenny Omega vs. United Empire (Will Ospreay and Aaron Henare)
Before this match, Ospreay is in the ring, bandage on his head, ready to take it easy in a pedestrian tag as he casually talks to Henare. Okada steps into the ring, and then his surprise tag partner’s music hits. The moment that Devil’s Sky begins blasting through the arena speakers, the look on The Commonwealth Kingpin’s face changes immediately! Okada and Omega, members of perhaps the greatest feud in wrestling history, are teaming together tonight! Ospreay wants his revenge for the loss last night, and he gets in Kenny’s face. The Cleaner responds by putting his recently won IWGP United States Championship right in his face.
The match is fun, as Okada and Ospreay, like always, have some very fun sequences. They look pretty evenly-matched, and Henare also looks pretty damn good against two of the best wrestlers of all time. Outmatched, sure, but good. Better than expected, even if he isn’t the other three men in the match. Ospreay constantly tries to go after Kenny, but the Best Bout Machine always tags out like a dickhead. He’s not letting Will get his revenge that easy. At one point, Ospreay lets his anger get the best of him and he knocks Omega off the apron, before hitting a beautiful dive, and continuing to beat on him outside!
The downside of Ospreay’s reckless attack, however, is that it leaves Henare all alone in the ring with the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion. Aaron shows some heart, but heart don’t mean shit when you’re up against Kazuchika Okada. Okada eventually gets the better of him, and has him in position for a Rainmaker. However, Kazu shakes his head, basically saying that The Artist Formerly Known As Toa Henare isn’t even worth a Rainmaker! He transitions into The Money Clip, locking it tight right in the middle of the ring, and Henare eventually has no choice but to quit! Okada and Omega pose cockily in the ring with their respective titles, seemingly carrying a little bit of extra swagger into the new year.
Kazuchika Okada and Kenny Omega def. United Empire in 14:36
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NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 17 In Yokohama Arena - January 21st, 2023
Kazuchika Okada and Togi Makabe vs. Kaito Kiyomiya and Yoshiki Imamura
This match is pretty pedestrian at first. Of course, like in real life, shit gets crazy fast. Makabe tags out after a fun sequence with Kaito, and Kaito brings in Imamura. Imamura isn’t exactly a top level guy, and Okada gets the better of him. He starts challenging Imamura to wake up, slapping him in the face and locking him in a Chinlock, and Kiyomiya sees this as disrespect, which brings him into the ring. He kicks Okada hard in the head, which leads Okada to brawling with him on the outside! The fight devolves, and the two men kick the shit out of each other while Makabe and Imamura try to play peacekeeper. The match is called off as Okada and Kiyomiya get pulled away from each other.
No Contest after 6:35
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NJPW Road to The New Beginning: Night Five - January 30th, 2023
On the post-show press conference, after CHAOS, Taguchi and Tanahashi take a loss to Los Ingonerables de Japon, Kazuchika Okada speaks to the media. He gets asked about his small change in attitude as of late. The dismissiveness towards Aaron Henare, the way he threw around Yoshiki Imamura. It almost seems like he’s been giving the next generation the cold shoulder. Given this, how does he respond to young stars racking up wins on this tour, such as Ren Narita? Okada sort of shrugs it all off. He says that it feels weird that all of the names he usurped to get to the top are beginning to die off, and now HE’S the veteran. He’s been waiting for the next Okada, and nobody has come along yet. Why are we talking about Ren Narita getting a win on the undercard, when Shingo Takagi just pinned YOH to win the match tonight? He thinks that Takagi looked dangerous tonight, and Okada wants to face him at The New Beginning in Osaka.
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NJPW The New Beginning in Osaka 2023 - February 11th, 2023
Shingo Takagi vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
Shingo Takagi had a good string of Road To shows leading up to the event, being responsible for every LIJ win, and it earned him this match tonight, a rematch of Wrestle Kingdom 16’s main event. This one is an incredible battle, Shingo doing his absolute best to come back from the KOPW level and get back to being at the very precipice of the company. Unfortunately for The Last Dragon, though, Kazuchika Okada is in rare form, and after suffering through a fair share of huge Lariats, Okada hits a Spinning Tombstone and follows it up with a devastating Rainmaker to close out this absolute belter of a main event.
Kazuchika Okada def. Shingo Takagi in 32:07
After the match, Ren Narita comes out and confronts Okada! He says that he racked up just as many wins as Shingo leading up to tonight’s show, and yet the champion completely snubbed him and didn’t even entertain the possibility of defending against him. Why? Is it because he’s young? Okada says that it’s because he’s simply not ready, but if Narita wants to learn exactly how unready he really is, then he can face Okada at Battle In The Valley. The match is set, and the young Ren Narita will have the biggest match of his career as he tries to shock the world and take the belt off of The Rainmaker in San Jose!
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NJPW Battle In The Valley - February 18th, 2023
Ren Narita vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
A week after his last defense, Kazuchika Okada is back at it again, putting his IWGP World Heavyweight Title up for grabs against one of NJPW’s most promising prospects, Ren Narita. Narita has looked good as of late, but it’s a whole different ballgame when you’re standing across the ring from the greatest wrestler of a generation, the face of the company. If Narita wants to win tonight, he has to be better than he ever has been.
The young member of Strong Style tries to strike from distance early on and also grapples with The Rainmaker in an MMA-like way. Given Okada’s struggle to defeat Shibata back in the day, we know that this is a bit of a weakness for him. Okada’s getting more and more frustrated as Shibata Jr. continues to pepper him with strikes, and at one point, Narita throws a Palm Strike that lands a bit more like a snap. It’s like you can see Okada’s ego getting wounded, and he snaps. He immediately decks Narita with a Forearm and begins stomping on him.
From there, Okada takes most of the offense, though Ren does show flashes of fire that the Champion has to fight to weather. Kazuchika Okada is NJPW’s ace for a reason, though, and he begins to grind Narita down. Mockingly, he cracks The Son of Strong Style with a Penalty Kick, laughing. He looks right at Minoru Suzuki, Narita’s factionmate in Strong Style, at ringside, and drives Narita into the mat head-first with Suzuki’s finish, the Gotch-Style Piledriver. Finally, he mercifully decides to end things with a Rainmaker. After landing it, instead of going for the pin, he just rests contemplatively, hands on his knees. Then, he impulsively and quickly bursts to his feet, pulls Narita back up, and puts him down with a second Rainmaker! He makes the cover, not even bothering to hook the leg. One…Two…Three!
Kazuchika Okada def. Ren Narita in 28:11 to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
After the match, El Desperado slides into the ring and puts a cold pack on Narita’s neck. Suzuki isn’t concerned with all that. Instead, The King walks up to Okada, hands behind his back, and stares him down. We can’t hear what he’s saying to the champion, but it must be some sort of remark about respect. The lack of respect that Okada showed Narita by hitting him with two Rainmakers. The lack of respect that he showed Shibata and Suzuki himself by ripping their moves. The lack of respect he showed the new generation by implying that they’re below him, and the lack of respect he showed the old generation by not mentioning them whatsoever. Okada doesn’t say a word, he simply raises his championship high in the air and dips out of the ring.
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NOAH Keiji Muto Grand Final Pro-Wrestling Last Love Hold Out - February 21st, 2023
Kazuchika Okada vs. Kaito Kiyomiya
Tonight, Kazuchika Okada is in enemy territory. Keiji Muto’s career is ending tonight, and, as NOAH’s Ace, Kaito Kiyomiya is looking to capitalize on this incredible spotlight by taking out The Rainmaker and cementing himself as the premier champion in all of Japan. The two men have a much more back-and-forth affair than in real life, and with the crowd firmly against Okada, he almost seems to be drowning towards the middle of the match. Kiyomiya gets the nearest fall of the match with a beautiful Lifting DDT from the top rope, and when Okada kicks out, the GHC Heavyweight Champion knees him HARD right to the jaw.
The knee strike bloodies Okada up a little bit, mashing his lips against his teeth. He checks his mouth for blood, and when he notices some, it seems to wake him up a little bit. From there, Kaito, who expended a lot of his energy trying to put the match away earlier, seems like he’s having trouble dealing with a revitalized IWGP World Heavyweight Champion. Okada puts him down with a beautiful Dropkick and smiles, waiting for Kiyomiya to get to his knees. Once he does, Okada rushes forward AND TAKES HIS HEAD OFF WITH A SHINING WIZARD! THAT’S KEIJI MUTO’S FINISH! The crowd seems shocked at this move theft, and Okada picks Kaito up, before planting him with The Rainmaker for the One…Two…Three!
Kazuchika Okada def. Kaito Kiyomiya in 34:46
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NJPW New Japan Cup - Overview
I don’t even really want to touch SANADA’s side of the bracket, but with the crazy fucking push that New Japan is giving him, I don’t despise the idea of him making the finals, so we’ll keep that as is. Let’s talk about the other side, though. The one that David Finlay made it through in real life, though? Nah, let’s not have any of that. Instead, after taking out Yujiro Takahashi in the opening round, Minoru Suzuki also eliminates Finlay in the second. After dealing with two current Bullet Club members, Suzuki faces off with a former one in Tama Tonga. They have a back-and-forth match, but Suzuki reverses a Gun Stun and latches on a Sleeper Hold to secure victory.
The semi-finals end up being a huge test for The King, though. He has to deal with perhaps the greatest member of Suzuki-Gun, his former stablemate, the Front Man of TMDK himself, Zack Sabre Jr. Despite the fact that their alliance is dead, and their character alignments don’t match up anymore, the two still shake hands before the match begins. It’s a very difficult match for both men, because they know each other so well. However, once ZSJ’s submissions get reversed, he has to fall back on his striking, and Suzuki has him beat there. Sabre goes for a PK, gets tripped up, and Minoru drops some ground and pound on him, before lining up and connecting with a PK of his own! He picks the Technical Wizard up and plants him with a Gotch Piledriver for the win! Somehow, Minoru Suzuki has made it to the finals of the New Japan Cup!
In the finals, two men that have scores to settle with Kazuchika Okada have to battle it out. SANADA has tried to defeat The Rainmaker countless times, and has only succeeded once, back in 2019’s G1 Climax 29. Suzuki, on the other hand, also has history with Okada, but his beef with the champion is much more recent, dating back to Battle In The Valley, where the veteran felt that Okada had disrespected STRONG STYLE. Suzuki and SANADA are both weathered from a long, grueling tournament, and it feels like any big move could finish the match. The finish comes when SANADA goes to the top rope and tries for a Moonsault, only for The King to get his knees up and capitalize by driving his opponent into the mat head-first with a Gotch-Style Piledriver! Cover! One…Two…THREE! Against all odds, Minoru Suzuki will face Kazuchika Okada at Sakura Genesis!
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NJPW Sakura Genesis - April 8th, 2023
Minoru Suzuki vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
Kazuchika Okada has been acting a little bit differently, and that means that he has rubbed a few people in the puro world the wrong way. One of those people is Minoru Suzuki, the oldest member of STRONG STYLE, who, after years of villainy, has dedicated himself to helping the next generation of puroresu. Okada embarrassed Ren Narita, Suzuki’s protege, and now The King is here to make The Rainmaker pay. Can he embarrass the champion in return, and collect a prize that has eluded him forever in the process, or will Kazuchika Okada do what he does best and win? The entrances have happened, the announcements have been made, the bell has been rung. None of the talking matters anymore.
They meet in the middle of the ring and engage in the traditional collar-and-elbow tie-up. However, neither man is able to force the other to the ropes! They’re locked in a stalemate right in the centre of the squared circle, both competitors refusing to take a single step back! To move backwards is to concede, even just a little bit, and in a battle of iron wills like this, nobody is willing to concede! Okada tries to knock Suzuki off balance by poking at his knee with his boot, but Suzuki stands his ground and releases his left hand grip to hit the champion in the ribs a couple of times, just looking to chop the tree down slowly and methodically. They both realize that they won’t be able to push the other man to the ropes, so instead of dragging this out, they release the tie-up.
They both re-centre themselves, and after circling The King, Okada goes for a single leg takedown. He almost gets it, but Suzuki remains standing. Minoru takes a couple of swings, but The Rainmaker trips him up and wrenches on the ankle! Suzuki rolls onto his stomach and gets to his feet, and Kazuchika decides to keep him low by moving into a Headlock! Headlock Takeover now, and Suzuki automatically grabs a Headscissors, which doesn’t faze Okada, who breaks and gets to his feet. Suzuki gets up too, and Okada goes for another takedown, but he eats a knee to the head! He’s stunned and pops back to his feet, and Suzuki throws a barrage of slaps! SPINNING CHOP! CHOP TO THE FACE! BIG BOOT! He makes the cover! One…and a kickout, but Okada’s still rocked despite the early kickout!
Okada gets on all fours and starts crawling away, but The King won’t let him get away that easy, and he hits an Elbow Drop to the back of the head! Suzuki transitions right into a nice Bulldog Choke, reminiscent of the other man that Okada is feuding with, Jon Moxley! Okada doesn’t want to stay in this hold for too long, though, so he starts powering to his feet! Lifts Suzuki straight into the air! BACK SUPLEX! Okada gets up, and he wants to put this match away right this instant! Picks Suzuki up! Go-behind! HE’S LOOKING FOR THE RAINMAKER ALREADY! RIPCORD! BUT SUZUKI IS STILL VERY CONSCIOUS, AND HE HITS A BASEMENT DROPKICK ON THE REBOUND TO KNOCK OKADA TO THE MAT!
Suzuki knows that Okada’s overzealousness is a sign that the challenger is getting to him, so he decides to toy with The Rainmaker a bit more. He grabs Okada’s wrist and positions it so that his wrist is folding his fingers into the mat, and he proceeds to grind his boot onto the wrist to attack the fingers! Okada is shrieking in pain, and he fights to a standing position! Suzuki maintains control of his digits though, bending and twisting! Okada can’t withstand the pain anymore, HE GOES FOR A CLOSED FIST PUNCH! SUZUKI DUCKS IT, KEEPS CONTROL OF THE FINGERS, GOES BEHIND, AND PERFORMS A RIPCORD! ONCE OKADA IS EXTENDED, HE SNAPS THE CHAMPION’S FINGERS! SUZUKI LAUGHS AT OKADA’S PAIN, AND THEN KNOCKS HIM DOWN WITH A HEADBUTT! COVER! ONE…TWO…AND A KICKOUT!
Suzuki smells blood in the water, and he takes full mount! The King starts dropping Elbows, and he’s absolutely relentless with these! Okada is covering his head, he can’t cope with these strikes, but Minoru Suzuki doesn’t give a fuck! He stands up AND STARTS STOMPING ON HIS SKULL! OVER AND OVER! PRIDE NEVER DIES, BUT KAZUCHIKA OKADA JUST MIGHT! Blood is leaking down The Rainmaker’s nose, and it seems like that’s exactly where the challenger is aiming! Knee Drop right on the face! Okada has been knocked loopy, and Suzuki drags him to a sitting position. He tells him that he’s responsible for all of this, slaps him in the face, AND RUNS THE ROPES! PENALTY KICK! NO, OKADA KIPS UP AT THE LAST SECOND AND HITS HIS SIGNATURE DROPKICK! RIGHT ON THE BUTTON! COVER! ONE…TWO…AND SUZUKI GETS THE SHOULDER UP!
Okada looks absolutely shocked that he didn’t close things out there, and he gets to his knees and checks for blood. To his horror, his palm is stained red, and he’s ANGRY. He starts laying in stomps of his own, STRAIGHT TO THE SKULL OF MINORU SUZUKI! HE’S SWEARING AS HE STOMPS! DRAGS SUZUKI TO HIS KNEES! GOES TO THE TOP! MISSILE DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF SUZUKI’S HEAD! Okada is still pissed right off, and he drags Suzuki to his feet. Goes behind, poses, RIPCORD, AND HE GOES FOR A DISCUS RAINMAKER! SUZUKI COUNTERS WITH AN INCREDIBLY HARD SLAP, AND OKADA IS STAGGERED! SUZUKI SEES HIS OPENING! KICK TO THE GUT! GOTCH-STYLE PILEDRIVER, IT’S GOOD! HOOKS THE LEG! ONE…TWO…THREE!!! HE ACTUALLY DID IT! AFTER YEARS OF GRINDING, MINORU SUZUKI CAN FINALLY CALL HIMSELF NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING’S WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Minoru Suzuki def. Kazuchika Okada in 29:23 to win the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
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AEW Dynamite - April 12th, 2023
Orange Cassidy is interviewed by Renee Paquette after a successful defense of his AEW International Championship. She talks about how he’s been so busy lately, and it seems like he’s faced everybody that there is to offer. She asks him what he wants to do next. He thinks for a moment. “I don’t know, really. I’m in CHAOS and that Suzuki guy took the IWGP World Championship from my friend. I think I’ll go for that. Unless, uh, he doesn’t wanna face me. Then I’ll just go home, I guess.” The very on-brand callout by “Freshly Squeezed” is accepted before the night is out, and the match is made for NJPW Collision in Philadelphia!
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NJPW Capital Collision - April 15th, 2023
Tom Lawlor vs. Orange Cassidy (c) - AEW International Championship
The night before challenging for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship, Orange Cassidy does a very Orange Cassidy thing and defends his AEW International Championship against the leader of Team Filthy himself, Tom Lawlor. Minoru Suzuki is on Japanese Commentary for the match, and Cassidy proceeds to have an absolute banger with the former UFC fighter. He eventually manages to put him away with a Beach Break from the middle rope, and Suzuki then comes down to the ring. OC and Suzuki shake hands, but Mr. Citrus can’t take his eyes off of the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship.
Orange Cassidy def. Tom Lawlor in 16:09 to retain the AEW International Championship
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NJPW Collision in Philadelphia - April 16th, 2023
Orange Cassidy vs. Minoru Suzuki (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
This match was supposed to happen on a GCW show before the pandemic, back when Suzuki was a cold-blooded machine and Orange Cassidy was comic relief. Now, both men are champions, and both men are cheered by the fans. They have a very fun match. Early on, Cassidy hits Suzuki with his mock kicks, and The King answers back with some of his own! Orange is younger and faster, and as the match goes on, the more it feels like he MIGHT just get the job done somehow! However, Suzuki starts going after Orange’s ribs, and with how often the International Champion has been competing, they’re already not at a hundred percent. The challenger makes a last-ditch effort and goes for an Orange Punch, but Suzuki lands a Spinebuster, a short PK followed by a Running PK, and then a Gotch-Style Piledriver to close out a banger of a contest.
Minoru Suzuki def. Orange Cassidy in 21:30 to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
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NJPW Hirooki Goto 20th Anniversary Event - April 22nd, 2023
STRONG STYLE (Minoru Suzuki and El Desperado) vs. CHAOS (Hirooki Goto and Kazuchika Okada)
Hirooki Goto is, of course, main eventing his own Anniversary Show, but before the match Suzuki asks for a microphone. He talks about the battles he’s had with Goto in the past, including their Hair vs. Hair match back in the day. As a show of respect, he wants to offer Goto a shot at the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestling Dontaku, should CHAOS get the win tonight. The two teams have a crowd-pleasing contest, with Suzuki and Okada barely interacting. At the end, though, Goto catches Despy with a GTR. While he pins El Desperado, Okada prevents Suzuki from getting into the ring, levelling him with a Rainmaker that might have connected just a LITTLE bit after the bell. Nevertheless, Hirooki Goto has secured himself a shot at the biggest title in the sport! It’s been a happy Anniversary for him!
CHAOS def. STRONG STYLE in 12:37
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NJPW Wrestling Dontaku - May 3rd, 2023
Hirooki Goto vs. Minoru Suzuki (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
Two NJPW legends do battle in tonight’s main event. Until recently, they were perhaps the greatest NJPW competitors to never win World Title gold for the promotion. Suzuki checked it off the list, and perhaps Goto will do the same tonight. They have an absolute banger of a match, including a chop battle that leaves both of them with bloody chests. Goto has a very impactful moveset, and he tries desperately to fire off moves that could probably shatter Suzuki’s neck at this point, but the champion has him scouted throughout, peppering him with strikes.
Eventually, with Suzuki countering all of his shit, Goto breaks an older move out of his arsenal! He lifts Suzuki up and plants him with the Jigoku Kuruma! Cover! One…Two…AND A KICKOUT! Suzuki is still conscious, somehow, and Goto’s frustration is palpable! With YOSHI-HASHI, his Bishamon tag partner, at ringside cheering him on, Goto picks Suzuki back up and goes to the well again, trying for another Jigoku Kuruma! Suzuki knees his way out of it, landing in perfect position for a Gotch-Style Piledriver! HITS IT! COVER! ONE…TWO…THR-NO! GOTO KICKED OUT, BUT HE’S RUNNING ON FUMES! Suzuki lifts him to a sitting position and runs the ropes multiple times, HITTING A COLOSSAL PENALTY KICK! TAKES HIS BACK! SLEEPER HOLD, AND HE’S ALREADY OUT! RED SHOES HAS TO CALL IT, SUZUKI RETAINS!
Minoru Suzuki def. Hirooki Goto in 25:01 to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
At the post-show press conference, Kazuchika Okada talks about how Suzuki has only faced CHAOS guys since winning the championship. Why not go for the leader! Okada has had his number countless times in the past, and even beat him on Goto’s Anniversary Show, putting him out cold with a Rainmaker. If Suzuki wants to prove himself as a champion, then Okada is the man to face at Dominion. Suzuki responds later on, saying that he already beat Okada, so he HAS proved himself as a champion. However, the reason he wanted to face Okada in the first place was to teach him to respect STRONG STYLE, and obviously that hasn’t happened yet, so he’s happy to run it back. Dominion. June 4th. Osaka-Jo Hall. Suzuki will once again stop the rain.
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NJPW STRONG Resurgence - May 21st, 2023
Kazuchika Okada vs. Wheeler Yuta
Wheeler Yuta, with Jon Moxley at ringside, is looking to get a statement victory against one of wrestling’s top stars and prove that he truly is the best. He puts up a hell of a fight, even out-grappling The Rainmaker! He very nearly manages to get the pinfall victory with The Seatbelt, but Okada barely manages to touch one of the ropes with his boot. Wheeler’s offense ends up dying out after he gets knocked loopy by a Dropkick, and then he takes three consecutive Rainmakers just because Okada wants to prove a point! Of course, Yuta isn’t kicking out of that.
Kazuchika Okada def. Wheeler Yuta in 20:52
Following the victory, Okada poses like a conqueror, foot on the unconscious Yuta’s chest, and this seems to hurt Moxley’s ego. He hops into the ring and kicks Okada’s foot away, talking shit. Okada slaps him, and Moxley immediately takes him down! They're throwing bombs on the ground, and a bunch of officials, security guards and producers rush into the ring to separate the two former World Champions!
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NJPW Dominion 6.4 in Osaka-Jo Hall - June 4th, 2023
Kazuchika Okada vs. Minoru Suzuki (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
The last time these two faced off, Minoru Suzuki pulled off the upset of the year and managed to unseat the ace of New Japan, claiming his very first IWGP World Heavyweight Championship when everybody thought that he was in his New Japan Dad phase. Kazuchika Okada’s ego didn’t appreciate the hit that it took against The King, so after two defenses, Suzuki is giving The Rainmaker another go at things. The opening of the match is void of any respect at all, both men slapping each other in lieu of allowing clean breaks.
Okada is perhaps more aggressive than ever before, but in a way, that plays into the skill set of the Pancrase-hardened champion. He even hits a PK early on in the match, but Kazuchika kicks out of it. After a war that leaves both men with some battle scars, we enter the closing stretch. Suzuki seems to be suffering from the length of the match, while Okada’s cardio is intact. Minoru reverses a Rainmaker by booting Okada in the gut and going for a Gotch-Style Piledriver! Okada kicks his way out of it and throws a wild strike that Suzuki ducks. He goes behind and locks in a standing Sleeper! Okada drops down and backs through Suzuki’s legs, maintaining wrist control, before flipping the champion into Piledriver position! Spinning Tombstone! Picks him up! Ripcord! RAINMAKER! HE CONNECTS! GOES FOR THE PIN! ONE…TWO…THREE! KAZUCHIKA OKADA IS BACK AT THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN!
Kazuchika Okada def. Minoru Suzuki in 33:38 to win the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
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NJPW New Japan Road: Night Two - June 11th, 2023
CHAOS (YOH and Lio Rush) vs. Blackpool Combat Club (Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli)
The BCC is in Japan, and they’re here to send a message to CHAOS. In our second-to-last match of the night, YOH and Lio Rush put up a hell of a fight, with Lio nearly getting the win with a beautiful Frog Splash on Claudio, but the BCC puts them through the wringer. At the end, Moxley plants YOH with a Death Rider, and he’s more than done, but The Sick Guy decides to roll through and bring YOH to his feet, before spinning him around and hitting him with a Rainmaker! He makes the cover and picks up the win, sending a HUGE message to the newly-crowned IWGP World Heavyweight Champion by doing so!
Blackpool Combat Club def. CHAOS in 8:43
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AEW Dynamite - June 14th, 2023
On Dynamite, Wheeler Yuta and Bryan Danielson pick up a victory over the Best Friends, and afterwards, Jon Moxley gets in the ring and grabs a microphone. He talks about how he is a man that never forgets, and he hasn’t forgotten how Kazuchika Okada tried to embarrass the BCC at Resurgence. He has now made it his mission to rip the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship away from The Rainmaker, and show him exactly why the Blackpool Combat Club is NOT the group to fuck with. He gives the microphone back and prepares to leave the ring…until the coin drops.
The crowd loses their shit, Kazuchika Okada is here! Not only that, he’s not on the ramp…he’s behind the Death Rider! Okada spins Mox around and hits him with a Dropkick! Wheeler and Danielson converge on The Rainmaker, and Claudio Castagnoli runs down the ramp, but the Swiss Superman is intercepted by an Orange Punch from CHAOS member Orange Cassidy! Wheeler Yuta is attacked by Trent and his former trainer Chuck Taylor, and Bryan Danielson gets dragged out of the ring by one of his opponents at Forbidden Door, IWGP United States Champion Kenny Omega (they’re in a Triple Threat with Will Ospreay)! Okada picks Moxley back up and puts him out cold with a Rainmaker! Toronto is going to be treated to one hell of a show when Forbidden Door 2 rolls into town, and Moxley vs. Okada is one of the most can’t-miss matches on the entire card!
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AEW Collision - June 24th, 2023
Kazuchika Okada vs. AR Fox
It’s the second edition of Collision, and the night before Forbidden Door 2. Kazuchika Okada has his first ever match on AEW television, against the talented AR Fox. Fox knows that pulling this off would make him one of the biggest stars in wrestling, and he empties the tank early, but after weathering the storm, Okada is able to take advantage of an exhausted AR and hit him with The Rainmaker. However, just to pay Moxley back for his finisher theft on New Japan Road, Okada picks Fox up and plants him with a Paradigm Shift before making the match-winning cover!
Kazuchika Okada def. AR Fox in 11:54
Jon Moxley doesn’t appreciate the disrespect, and he immediately storms out! Okada meets him on the ramp, and it’s hands on the spot! The two men exchange haymakers, leveling each other, not willing to wait for tomorrow night! The crowd here in The Six is loud for this brawl, and officials flood out of the backstage area to stop this! The two men get separated, but they’re giving each other Stone Cold Salutes as they get ushered to the back, obviously from separate sides!
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AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door - June 25th, 2023
Jon Moxley vs. Kazuchika Okada (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
We’ve got a certified banger in the cards here, folks, because in one of the most intense feuds of the night, Jon Moxley challenges for Kazuchika Okada’s IWGP World Heavyweight Championship, looking to expand the Blackpool Combat Club’s trophy case even further. It’s Okada’s first defense, and there’s no love lost here, as we don’t see any clean breaks. Instead, each man slaps the other hard across the face, and the early goings of this one quickly devolve into a bit of a brawl. Moxley does his damndest to bring things to the outside, where he has a distinct advantage, and he eventually does, wrecking Okada out there.
However, Okada is a tremendous counter-wrestler, and he manages to reverse a Paradigm Shift attempt into a beautiful Arm Drag, followed by a Dropkick, a German Suplex, a Tombstone Piledriver, and a Discus Rainmaker! That barrage somehow isn’t even to keep Jon Moxley down, but it does turn the tide significantly, and Okada is eventually able to hit a regular version of The Rainmaker to secure the victory, coming out of the match worse for wear, but still the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion.
Kazuchika Okada def. Jon Moxley in 28:59

Audio-Drama.com is an online directory of audio drama and spoken word websites, with at least one new link added to it every day, and 100 or more new entries created each month. As of this post, there are 9,285 published articles. Here are the newest articles from the past week:
https://preview.redd.it/3g83zuxw5g2b1.jpg?width=2400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d94b104931dd04c65a457e2723be1747edd1fbf9

1. Missing Cats Eyes (Full Cast Multigenre Anthology) Missing Cats Eyes is an anthology mystery thriller podcast that delves into the weird and wonderful creatures and fantastical characters from old, new, futuristic and through to other dimensions. A home production from the minds of sci-fi dreamers, seeking to bring to life worlds both fascinating and macabre. Switch on to the unknown and close your eyes to the universe you know.
2. Jupiter's Ghost (Full Cast Science Fiction Series) Welcome to the future. Follow the crew of the Starship Jupiter's Ghost as they navigate the outskirts of a crumbling Intergalactic Utopia. Their mission of mutual aid and cultural exchange leads them to new worlds and strange adventures, and brings them face to face with the challenges and rewards of solidarity. Jupiter's Ghost is a community run, creative commons Share Alike licensed podcast set in a far future intergalactic society. If you've ever wanted to join the crew of a starship, now is your chance.
3. Conference Call (Paradiso Media) (Full Cast Comedy Series) A special pilot presentation as part of the Tribeca Film Festival Audio Storytelling Program. Join Julie Burke as she partners with eccentric entrepreneurs "The Toade Bros." Julie patiently helps the Toades desperately pitch their half-baked ideas to a string of bewildered investors. Poring over hours of cringeworthy recorded phone calls from this oddball tech company, our (fake) investigative podcaster, Charlotte Dunn, delivers a story of incompetence, fraud, and betrayal. After the Toades manage to do the unthinkable, Julie is left with no choice but to take action.
4. Echoes of History (Full Cast Historical Fiction Anthology) Inspired by Ubisoft's famous video game series "Assassin's Creed", the "Echoes of History" podcast offers a deep and fascinating dive into history. Through storytellers and historians, discover the most epic mythologies, relive the most important times of our history and meet the most extraordinary characters. With "Echoes of History", the past has never been more alive.
5. Flash Fiction in Five (Narrated Multigenre Anthology) Welcome to 'Flash Fiction in Five,' a bi weekly podcast where you can listen to complete stories in about five minutes that will intrigue you, inspire you or pull at your heart strings. I'm an Australian flash fiction writer who's fascinated by the power of language to capture the imagination. Every week I explore a broad range of themes and styles including: love/loss, complex relationships, suspense/mystery and family. You'll be captivated in less time than it takes you to finish a coffee! So settle in, get comfortable and enjoy some engaging, exciting and enticing bite sized fiction.
6. What If (Narrated Science Fiction Series) My podcasts are about dreams, mysteries, aliens, unexplained events and phenomenons and other stuff like that.
7. Pat Novak 4 Hire 2023 (Full Cast Comedy Thriller Series) A 2023 Reimagining of an old 1940s radio Noir show with a dynamic, highly talented modern cast. Pat runs a small boat rental company on Pier 19 in San Francisco. To make ends meet she also takes on private investigations, security and other shady work. In this fun and witty interpretation Pat takes along her sidekick Jocko on her quests to learn the truth... all while Inspector Hellman from the SFPD tries to lock her up for a multitude of crimes she did not commit.
8. Icaro, Texas (Full Cast Drama Series) When rising rodeo star Chris Joseph loses everything, he must return to his home town which has been decimated by the '86 Oil Bust.
9. The WordSmits (Narrated Multigenre Anthology) Welcome to the Thewordsmits Podcast, where we dive into the realms of cyberpunk, Dungeons & Dragons, and beyond! Join us as we embark on thrilling adventures and explore captivating narratives set in futuristic dystopias and fantastical worlds. Whether you're a fan of neon-lit cityscapes, corporate espionage, high-tech gadgets, or the classic allure of medieval fantasy, this podcast has something for everyone. Get ready to unlock the doors to incredible worlds and embark on an audio journey like no other. Tune in to Thewordsmits Podcast and let your imagination soar. The stories await.
10. Hidden Signal: Evergreen (Full Cast Science Fiction Thriller Series) Hannah (Lana Condor) finds herself trapped inside her boss Fin Gorale's (Alan Cumming) subterranean biosphere named Evergreen, alongside seven of the world's greatest minds. When Fin informs the group that an asteroid has destroyed the surface of the Earth, they find themselves -- forced survivors -- tasked with rebuilding society. As our characters vie for control of Evergreen, alliances form and fracture as heroes turn into villains. But when Hannah discovers that Evergreen is malfunctioning, can she convince the group to work together to fix Fin's creation before the utopia that was meant to save them.. kills them?
11. Storied Lives (Narrated Nonfiction Drama Anthology) Welcome to Storied Lives. A podcast that looks at the lived realities of poverty through an intersectional lens. We invited people living with poverty to share their stories with us. During a series of focus groups, participants revealed how multiple, overlapping, and compounding oppressions, shape their experiences in unique ways. Using their testimonies, we created four composite stories: fictional narratives, based on true accounts. Every scenario in these stories happened, or was informed by themes that emerged in the focus groups. Each episode pairs one composite story and one interview with a notable guest who contributes additional perspective grounded in their own work, research, and advocacy.
12. Longhouse (Full Cast Science Fiction Thriller Series) Journey along with a group of Columbus, Ohio locals attempting to make sense of their community as mysterious perils unveil, exploring worlds within the World [...] in this original independent audio drama. Lore. History. Community. Remembering. Longhouse.
13. Strixhaven: Curriculum of Chaos (Role-Playing Fantasy Series) Welcome to Strixhaven, presented by The Block Party, where Harry Potter meets Dungeons and Dragons. Follow along our perspective students as they interact with peers and faculty members, study, pass and possibly fail exams, and uncover hidden secrets left alone for a reason!
14. The Realm of Bism: The Green Cloak Adventures (Role-Playing Fantasy Comedy Series) BP Fun presents another rambunctious group of adventurers as they struggle to do the simplest of tasks and mange to get themselves into nothing but trouble.
15. Voyages of the Chonky Whomper (Role-Playing Science Fiction Comedy Series) Welcome to the Voyages of the Chonky Whomper, our very first Sci-Fi TTRPG Campaign using the game: Stars Without Numbers. Follow some familiar faces, and new ones, as the crew of the Chonky Whomper travel the galaxy to pay off their tremendous debt!
16. Hat Films D&D: Booty (Role-Playing Fantasy Comedy Series) High Seas, Low expectations! Join your favourite Hat Films people Smith, Ross, Trott and Craig as they adventure through a hilarious dungeons and dragons role play set in our very own magical pirate world.
17. Stange Appetites (Narrated Urban Fantasy Anthology) Startling, lyrical, and tender, Strange Appetites shines a light on loneliness in magical and mythical ways. Reality is bent but beautiful in these intricately carved stories, and the author's varietal, passionate and subtle tone shifts fall on the ear with astonishing rightness.
18. Reformation Abroad (Full Cast Science Fiction Series) When prisoners find themselves in outer space on a special work-release program, they quickly realize that things may not be as they seem. Join team 119 as they try to outrun their past and set aside their differences for a better future in Stove Leg Media's immersive science fiction audio experience: Reformation Abroad.
19. The Jane Austen Podcast with Alison Larkin (Narrated Drama Anthology) While fashions change and technology evolves, there are just some things about being human that transcend time. And the persistence of those human experiences is why anyone can find themselves in the timeless, romantic, and funny novels of Jane Austen. The Jane Austen Podcast with Alison Larkin brings a fresh voice to these classic stories. Hosted by writer and comedian Alison Larkin, each season will present an Austen novel with her award-winning narration and feature chats with actors, writers, and other fascinating people who have one thing in common: a passionate love for Jane Austen. Whether you're a die-hard Austen fan or you have yet to be introduced, you'll find something delightful – and relatable – at every turn.
20. KID: A History of The Future (Full Cast Science Fiction Series) From the near future, Kid talks with Izzy on 2021 Instagram, describing a world devastated by floods and pollution. He's escaped by the skin of his teeth from a terrifying encounter, mind to mind, with someone insanely famous and powerful. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Back at the beginning of Kid's story, we meet him and his friends Eliza and Pas, whooping it up in the ruins of London as they go on 'Scav Squad' duties in search of supplies for their people. The Offliners, the underground tribe, the outsiders rebelling against a totally digital future.

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