Funny shirt sayings


2020.07.30 16:12 Philierd FunnySayings

Your best, funniest, most clever sayings, expressions, and idioms

2015.02.24 04:51 doesitmakenoise Funny and Awesome Shirt Ideas

No longer in use. Fun while it lasted! We'll be focusing on working directly w/ artists moving forward.

2016.07.18 18:51 tees & t-shirts & things

awesome & funny t shirt

2023.06.11 00:09 Slacker_87 I Totally Have A Son And His Deck is Totally a 7

Greetings fellow Magic: the Gathering enjoyers, you'll never believe this.
As I was trekking through the American desert, no wares to my name except the shirt on my back and of course my 7/10 casual EDH deck. Oh right, I forgot, I also had a child, a 12 year old, who's quite timid and well mannered, and is also my son for I am his father. ̶M̶y̶ our throats were dry and my horse was exhausted. I thought I was done for, when gasp I saw it — an LGS! I was saved!
Now, well, you see, this particular fine establishment had three — shall we say, "tiers" — for the purposes of EDH merrriment, which are as follows: casual, mid, and competitive. I of course choose mid — well, I was playing [/[[/[[/[Kaalia of the Vast]]/]]/]] after all — no wait, it was my son, the youngster, the mild-mannered prodigy, who chose mid. I instead wisely opt for the casual group, as I'd just thrown together cards for a half-baked deck concept (it hadn't time to rise before I was to escape from Egypt). The boy, my son, the proof of my non-virginity, sits down with three other fellows. One among them turns out to be a bit of a ruffian, for he says, "AJR sucks." My son, a minor of just 12 years of age, mind you, is positively obsessed with AJR, which his clothes signify. The brute rudely continues, "they're just way too poppy." My child, a son, born to my lady and I 12 years ago, pays him no attention. However I seethe with rage at this comment, distracting me from my aforementioned matzah deck.
As the table shuffles up their decks, I hear the scoundrel utter "they shouldn't pair adults with kids. They should get their own table. Kids are stupid lmao." My son is twelve, and genuinely the most well-mannered kid there has ever been. Additionally, he's a bit timid, and as such he remains quiet. The hooligan, who quite resembles the shape and stench of an anus, has declared himself the one to take first go — wielding his Koma deck, no less, as most anuses are fond of I've found. I would know this fact of course, as my own anus favors his Koma deck on Wednesday night commander back at the homestead LGS.
"Turn one, Forest, Sol Ring, pass."
My child, offspring... I'm just going to transition to calling him D. Little D, in fact... no, that's not quite right... Big D it is then... no that isn't appropriate really... I know — mid D — mid D plays his triome and passes. The other two fellows get off to quote productive starts. Everyone is engaging in the customary undisrupted mana ramp, excepting for the troublemaker, who it seems kept a one-lander. He begrudgingly passes. Mid D drops either a Talisman or a signet, or another such 2-mana mana-rock, couldn't say which exactly I'm afraid. Turn 3, Omnath enters the fray and Bruvac mills away Mid D's ()/({})\Avacyn, Angel of Hope/()({})/ much to his dismay. He drops another rock instead of opting to play Kaalia, his commander, the general of his deck, in this format which is EDH. The anus-man hasn't drawn another land and is becoming visibly perturbed.
Turn 4, the mill player is building up quite well, Omnom is pooping out children nonstop, and yet the arse has still not drawn his land and he declares that, "This is stupid. I run 41 lands in this deck." D gets to his turn during which he got his greaves. He drops the greaves... No responses. He plays the Kaalia... No responses. He equips the Kaalia. Do... Do these people not know what Kaalia does? Attack phase it is, I guess. Mid D has one more trick up his sleeve though, and that comes in the form of a sneaky <><>uWu<>[[Master of Cruelties]]<>uWu<><>. Mid D has three choices here, all of which are effectively choices, decisions if you will, that he can choose from. The world is his oyster. Of course, he could send for the fellow who cost him his beloved Avacyn. Hell, maybe the one pooping out children? Certainly not the anus, sitting on one paltry forest and a rock that he apparently can't use, despite it being extremely powerful, and quite honestly being a card that shouldn't belong at a mid-table anyway.
Well, this story wouldn't be worth telling if he had elected to punch Bruvac in the nether region, the plums, the jewels, the pecker, the dick, even, if you will. He decided payback was on the menu today, and placed his order. He attacked the excrement-smelling nitwit and laid down his Master of Cruelties in perhaps the most passive manner imaginable, for he was quite timid. The poopyhead had begun the night by stating he reckoned he had the best deck, and was beginning to fear relegation to the Premier League. He begins by saying "you could take out one of the people who have actually attacked you and are actually a threat." This quickly transitioned to, "I haven't even gotten to start playing my deck yet. You should pick one of them instead." To, "please. Can I see if my next card is a land and if so can you choose someone else? I'll target you last." to, "this is stupid. You don't even know how to play the game, and kids are stupid. You're going to lose because of this play. Why were any of us born in the first place? Wouldn't we be better off if none of us had ever seen the light of day?"
Mid D, neither Big D nor Small D, my offspring, the product of my seed, the 12 year old, who was quite timid and well mannered, to whom I am father, the entire time, was saying, "I already declared my attacks." Afterwards, the bastard, the dault, the one who smelled like and resembled a puckered anus, exclaimed, "fine, whatever!" and started packing up his wares. Mid D replied, "It says in the Magic rulebook to be respectful to other players and I like playing by the rules. Gottem."
I don't know if it was just the humanity of it all, or the fact that it definitely really happened, or the fact that he had just gotten intellectually devastated by a child, a juvenile, who was probably only 12, but you could see this fool go through the seven stages of grief as though he'd just received news of his dear mother's death, right before your eyes over this little exchange and he immediately started stumbling backward in terror until he dramatically fell, gasped and quickly ran out.
I just think that Mid D, my son, the one who calls me daddy — besides his mother — the child, the babe, was the real winner that night... not because he won the game, but because, well, indeed, of course, you know.
submitted by Slacker_87 to magicthecirclejerking [link] [comments]

2023.06.11 00:06 PickleTraditional854 does anyone know what shirt he’s wearing in this picture? i can only tell it says “fear and nothing”.

does anyone know what shirt he’s wearing in this picture? i can only tell it says “fear and nothing”. submitted by PickleTraditional854 to Pantera [link] [comments]

2023.06.11 00:03 Ok_Nobody9173 Strict 'nobody I used to know from school' policy.

Idk what it is about the women I went to school with who I run into and how they assume that I wanna stand there and vibe with them. The mere fact that you know too much makes me want to hit the eject button on myself and send me underground where I can escape. I say women specifically because when it's other dudes it's a totally different dynamic it's not even a hello, but I'm doomed to run into these women in my small town who think just because it's in the past it doesn't matter how they picked on me and I wasn't cool enough at all to talk to em at any point in my life, but oh because I see you right now I'm gonna come over and talk to you? Fuck outta here. Trying to find out shit. I don't like it when they flirt with me I'd actually rather them bully me again it would make more sense. I think it's funny how they act when I pretend I don't remember them- that shit cuts them deep without me really needing to being mean or hurtful, all I'm saying is "I'm sorry lol don't remember ya". yes girls used to bully me. It happens man I was nervous and really fat and my mistake back then was trying to talk to them, so they bullied me. But then I seen 2 or 3 past bullies trying to flirt with me in the past few years when I ran into them in public- lol sorry, I don't remember you...... Truly I'll never forget them, but they're so stupid they believe I don't know who they are.
submitted by Ok_Nobody9173 to Rants [link] [comments]

2023.06.11 00:02 Silver_Nightray Anyway, friendly reminder to moisturize your insides

submitted by Silver_Nightray to tumblr [link] [comments]

2023.06.11 00:02 Unlikelyreader Do non pre-order shirts take long to leave the warehouse?

I bought my shirt about 12 days ago now (non-preorder item) and since then I've had nothing back to me, still no email to even say it's left the warehouse, absolutely nothing past the order confirmation email, is this a normal amount of time to wait?
submitted by Unlikelyreader to KGATLW [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:55 Vox020 I decided I’m gonna cut off a toxic friendship, even if that implies I cutting off a really good common friend

It’s kinda a long story. A year ago I(f29) was trapped working ona job I hated, but the good thing about it were my two coworkers, who were good and funny the majority of the time, so we hung out fine. One of my coworkers, let’s call her J(f48) was someone interesting, she is very religious and very attached to her brother's family, in my resume, she is a good person, and I liked working with her. So, why do I wanna cut ties with her? It happened last year, I made a terrible huge mistake. J needed money, a good amount, and she asked me if I could lend it for a small amount of time. J uses to buy clothes and then resell it, she has done this for years, and all the time I saw people buy from her, so I saw her a a responsible working person, and the money was on part to buy clothes and resell, so I thought I knew what she was doing, so I lended her the money. Oh god, I really hate myself for doing it. After I did it, J started to show her true colors about her and money. First, I discovered she was having problems getting the clothes, it was something that sometimes happens, but I didn’t know. Second, J was not as good with money as she made me believe, sometimes shee ran out of money, and the was a month the bank call us like three or four times a day just to consult J when she was planning to pay a debt she had with the bank for a loan she ask the bank (my anxiety was going crazy on every call). And third, and I think it is the worst, J likes to brag. Every time someone has something nice, she also needs to have one, like, a coworker had a new cell phone, J immediately bought a new one for her. One time my sister gave me a smart watch and some wireless headphones because she had bought better ones for herself. Well, of course, J saw my watch at work and she also bought one for herself. The worst part about me is that I could pass all of this about J, because I considered her a friend, but the day I couldn’t justify her any longer was when her birthday approached and she invited me first to a simple dinner friday night on a venezuelan restaurant from a friend of hers and my other coworker, and since it was a simple plan I was ok with it. But suddenly, she changed her mind about it, and she wanted to go to an expensive restaurant where each one of us had to pay too much. Our other coworker declined immediately, because it was too much money and his wife was also invited, so if they went they would have to pay double. I wasn’t sure about it, I had the money, but I didn’t want to spend it there. But my decision was clearer when at lunch hour J got a video call for her sister in law. At that time my other coworker was away doing another job, but a cleaning lady and I were there. At first the talk was polite, until it started to get gradually worse when SIL asked her “isn’t too much money going to this place?” so J answered a couple of things I don’t think were right.
First, she said she also invited her friends from a gym he was going, and she though the venezuelan place was not appropriate to go (you know, her friend’s place, and also, my other coworker was from Venezuela), she also said to her SIL “everyone has that money to spend, I will pay you guys your fee if there is a problem” and that’s the bragging again, and the worst for me was when she added “Well, I’m also doing this like a test, to see who is actually is there for me.” Hearing her have that comment was enough for me to break the glass about who she really was. But it was not my time to talk, SIL and her had an argument about how fake J was, how she was doing this to show herself as someone she is not, and that her gym friends were not real, and more comments. J ended up crying and ended the phone call, later our other coworker came to J crying, so it was definitely not my time to ask for my money back. But from that moment I learned my lesson, you don’t lend money to people, because you can’t trust them to pay you back. Of course, I wanted to shout to J about her bad attitude towards me, but as my mother taught me, you don’t fight for money, fighting for money is useless, because people would always get defensive, claiming being the victim. Instead of making an argument, I started to being more firm With J about payments, remembered every month about how much she owned me, and I respected her petition about talk this always in private (I used to asked in public, since she didn’t have shame in tell everybody she spends on her family and her stuff). After a year, half of her debt was paid, luckily for me, we both were now on a different job. I finally started to work at a place that goes more to accord to my university studies, while J finally took her chance to open a small store to sell clothes, since then she has a lot of stuff and I needed new outfits for my work, we agree J would pay me the rest of her debt with clothes she was selling, and I went one day and I got what I wanted over a year, no more money attachments to J. Yet something funny was happening while I was trying some pants, she asked me how I was doing, a simple meaningless chat, I mentioned her I also joined a gym, because it was something she recommended me to do las year (but at that time I was so sad to even think about exercise), the moment I told her she started to ask me at what gym I was going, how much I was paying, and how I was paying, I have a credit card, and she started to talk about how she is about how her gym membership is about to expire and she doesn’t have a credit card to sign for a new one, and it’s very important for her to keep going to the gym due to her health, the way she said this to me was clear enough to understand she wanted me to offer her to pay her new gym membership, like, are you crazy or I just look like a fool? Of course, I played stupid and pretended I didn’t get her indirect message, and proceed to leave when the clothes exchange was made, but not before J telling me “Let me know if the gym doesn’t work for you and I’ll buy you your membership” I simple left in my more polite way possible, but that’s it for me, I don’t want to keep this relationship with J any longer, I was a fool yet a good friend and lend her money once and she repaid me by dismissing her debt to me, but this is over, I’m not gonna take this any longer. My therapist said I needed to confront J about how I feel, because I could lose her friendship, but the thing is, I don’t care anymore, if J only sees me as a bank account, then maybe it’s better to end our friendship and leave with the happy memories. She messaged me two times already asking me about how I’m doing in the gym and if I’m planning on quitting. An let me get something clear, even if I decided to quit the gym I’m not giving her my membership, she will never pay me if I do, you have to pay every month and she already showed me how she doesn’t care about follow a deathline (she is very religious, and she likes to say stuff like “God will provide”, and like, no, God didn’t provide, I provide for you). The only thing actually makes me sad about this decision is the fact that by cutting out J I’m gonna lose my friendship with our other coworker, who is very important to me, he is a excellent person and never did anything remotely bad to me, but he is friends with J since way more time, and the have much in common, so I gonna miss him so much.
submitted by Vox020 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:53 ThrowRA185869 I (26f) have a huge crush on my (29m) boyfriends best friend (28m)

Throwaway because my bf like reddit and so does his friend lol
Hi all. I need help.
I live with my boyfriend. We are both in our 20s and have been together for almost 5 years. Hes my absolute best friend and i love him more than anything. Hes so incredibly handsome, our communication has grown so much over the years and bettered our relationship, and our sex life is quite literally the best i have ever had. But theres a problem. He has this one friend who im absolutely infatuated with. I cant seem to shake these feelings and its bothering me. His friend is a huge flirt. He even flirts with my boyfriend. But everytime this human speaks to me i find myself getting butterflies, even when he isnt flirting. Hes very sweet, hes funny, and very handsome. All of the things my boyfriend is. This friend is on a date with someone right now and i have to say, im jealous of the girl hes with. I havent met her, but she seems very sweet and makes him happy. they just met 2 weeks ago so this is his second date with her and hes smitten. Its cute. But i only get this way when hes at my house, or i think about him for a second, and i unfortunately i think about him often. I dont know what to do. Im not interested in pursuing this friend, nor have i thought about the idea of ending things with my boyfriend - in all honesty i think i just want him and my bf to demolish me. This might just be a fantasy thing for me. Im not sure. How do i get rid of these feelings?
submitted by ThrowRA185869 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:50 AdrianDaFunky I can't stand my clumsiness anymore

Clumsiest person ever?
I don't even know how to start, I just know I've been like this ever since I was born:
I am that person who will trip in the same place, the same way, every single day. Finding random bruises that I cannot explain why in my body is just normal. I hit the chairs in my house every single day, just like I hit my room's door.
I will bite my cheeks at least once a month.
I will spill my food on the table when eating, and when Im serving my plate, I WILL SPILL IT ON THE STOVE, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I will spill juice or whatever Im drinking on my shirt SPECIALLY IF ITS WHITE, at least 4x a week.
At least twice a year I will hit a random pillar with my car out of plain uncoordination/imprudence
I'm at med school and is just plain normal for me to do some random dumb shit like TRYING TO ANESTHETIZE a patient with a SUCTION NEEDLE
If im trying to explain something med related to a med friend, I will say something really wrong out of simply dumbness/clumsiness and gotta re explain cause I explained it wrong
Some days I just can't properly function, its like I went r********, specially if I experienced something awkward or someone made fun of me, my thoughts wont work, they go random, and I cant talk like a normal person
Finally, my diction is shit, Im not a stutter, but I gotta redo my phrases at least 2 out of 10 times cause my diction went 2yo
I stop myself from talking much cause the more I talk, the less sense I make. My thoughts won't make sense, just as my phrases and my diction will go even more bananas
I really wanted to be a surgeon, but I gave up cause I'm a coordination idiot.
Inb4: I workout 5x a day (1.73, 80kg, 12%BF), I sleep from 9Pm to 5am, Ive never flunked school nor got a bad grade in med school (4.45 GPA), but still.
Im good at working out, but sometimes I will drop the weights or BREAK MY PHONE. Just as I was a good soccer player, but I would FALL OVER NOTHING, JUST PLAIN TRIP ALONE AND FALL LIKE AN IDIOT
I'm not even going to mention my aim.......
submitted by AdrianDaFunky to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:49 SafeComfortable1009 Diggy Goes To Brit Floyd

Diggy Goes To Brit Floyd
Hey Mohawk!
You sexy beast, I hope my perfume remains on this letter, BTW i hate Axe body spray take a shower, i would help you there... and dump that shitty spray too. well, imma still diggin on your a sexy beasty boy. Lol, woosh! The concert was funny just watch you head bang your purple skull! I never heard of Pink, what the hell was the part were, he stayed back at hotel? I have to admit Mow, that the Moms Attic was more fun, and the Ferris wheel too. It meant more to me. Like fuck dude, a bunch of old farts singing the same old tunes, I sorry I feel asleep. I would rather see any Grunge or even TLC concert. They are just so fucking hot.
Swoosh ha-ha! Then Salt N Peppa "Push It" makes my nipples hard! I saw this Homie This Girl online was rappin fool on Tic Toc better than a clock she was so hot, and a good poet too. Well, I would tolerate that old geezer talking about Heavenly Father for three God Damn hours, the sex we did was goood, while he was moaning louder than us both about the lord! Fucker, well it helped me think that Grandpa was watching. My orgasmic climax was quite heavenly!
Mow what we did was better than the lord, you had such fierce tenacity! Hell, then the Wemple Square tour was more interesting than "Red Rocks." old geezers well the Hippie was kind of hot. Your sexy boo, I gosta go to my work at the drive through! I love my regulars there, they tip me; I own my Mac People swoosh! Ha. Oh, my grill boy got promoted I'm so proud of him! His name is Tont, Tony, Tony and he's done again! Now puttin down the special sauce lettuce and cheeses! And he is doin, doin it well too. Ha, I love you, I love you, I love you! greater than a gazillion is that a real number?
P.S. Don't wear that old fucking hole filled "The Wall" shirt. For the love of
Gesus H Christ Smoochy to you, from your boo. 😎😍
submitted by SafeComfortable1009 to DiabolicOughts [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:49 noctalla Ironic SGU quote of the week

"You'll notice scientists never speak of certitude. They always talk about possibility" - Steven Novella.
Always and never, Steve? I love the SGU and I get what Steve was saying, but the fact that he phrased this as an absolute was kind of funny to me. I'm sure Steve would walk back the certitude in the way he phrased the statement if given the chance. Unfortunately, saying: "You'll notice that good scientists, when trying to be careful about how they speak, usually try to avoid speaking in certitudes. Instead, they tend to talk about possibility," isn't quite as pithy.
submitted by noctalla to SGU [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:48 Comprehensive_Risk23 Please stop telling demi people they must be allo (when they describe feeling aesthetic attraction)

Hi, I’m getting bothered by people here being unnecessarily gatekeeping - mislabelling peoples description of aesthetic attraction as sexual and essentially telling people on the verge of finally discovering they are demi that they must be allosexual because they can appreciate pretty humans and ‘that’s not what being demisexual is’.
Bluntly put if you don’t understand the split model of attraction you especially can’t offer people an understanding of their sexuality so trying to do so is harmful/irresponsible. One post can’t convey the full nuance - especially if the poster is lacking the vocabulary to fully describe what they experience.
So I want to first of all politely ask - beg even - that when people are looking for advice we offer how it sounds to us based on the context given and not definitive answers that only they can decide.
It’s so profoundly harmful if we turn people away who need the label to understand themselves. And it might not be meant badly but it’s actually really f*cked up to do that to someone so please be more careful.
Secondly I took a while to realise my own demisexuality as it was made more complex by 1. being reciprosexual - I fall in unrequited love and have actually never experienced sexual attraction I just feel clear that it’s possible and realise that deep down knowing the feelings aren’t reciprocated prevents me getting there 2. Not something I enjoy saying but I secretly find the concept of sex ‘hot’ (I think that’s renamed ‘aegosexual’) I just never wanted to be involved in it (esp without deep connection) so it took me an absolute age to work out that just because there’s sex stuff that I can find both personally horrifying and hot for others to do if they want; it doesn’t invalidate my ace spectrumness. The only label I had for myself before was ‘prude’ (and a secretly hypocritical one). I’m sure enough of my demisexuality now that no one can invalidate me - it bothers me to think others like me could be misdirected into thinking of themselves as prudish allosexuals and the amount of struggle that would cause. It also took a false start of mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual so assuming I wasn’t ace despite having never even wanted to kiss anyone.
So essentially I operate as both sex repulsed and sex positive in a way… so I feel a duty to use my understanding of both extremes to point out to the people who are like me in wanting only one sex partner forever that you can see the beauty in that loyalty without sex shaming sex positive demi people.
There’s beauty in extreme loyalty but there’s also beauty to the liberation of ethically sex positive people and having multiple friends doesn’t negate friendship so it’s funny we think that with sex.
For me realising my demisexuality I was finally able to stop judging others ‘choices’ around sex to realise they don’t have the level of choice I felt they had based on my own experience. Demisexuality can be tough but it offers us a lot of wisdom should we chose to not get stuck judging others for having different feelings to us.
For me now immoral choices around sex are purely assault, cheating and not seeing/respecting your sex partner as a full human. So things like Poly lifestyles are not at all my thing (I’m mostly weirded out by how extraverted it seems!) but they are perfectly ethically sound being (presumably) consensual and loving.
(I don’t understand flairs or whether this would be assumed a rant or not and I’m neurodiverse so don’t get mad at me if my communication style comes off as blunt! Also I’m super prone to typos and I can’t filter my thoughts enough to be concise.)
submitted by Comprehensive_Risk23 to demisexuality [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:48 Competitive_Cook_81 GF saying she is pregnant

Note: throwaway account.So, I(M36) just met this woman(F42) thru a dating app and we liked each other enough to be in a relationship and be together.We normally used condoms but last time we had sex she was on her periods (was bleeding and all) and she let me raw dog her.The funny thing is... I did not ejaculate inside her.. too.. This was one month ago.Today, she texted me a picture of a pregnancy test.. and voila she is pregnant..
But some more context... We live in different states (West coast vs east coast) and its been a month since we have met each other and i realized that she has some personaility issue where she will manipulate you to get her way.. Like.. when she is feeling good.. she will treat you like a king but then.. when we have an argument she will say things like .. "your dick is so small that i think about my ex and all".. like she is intentionally trying to hurt you..So, I decided to end things with her... and then.. she called .. cried.. and apologized to me and all those things..
I dont even think she is pregnant.. because..
  1. she herself confessed that age is not on her side to have a child
  2. She was on her periods
  3. I did not came inside in her.. in fact.. i didnt came at all.. (side effects of jerking off in past.. the death grip).
  4. My testosterone levels are low (i am also not young) but i also go thru TRT which also contributes to infertility in men.
Whats a good way to be sensitive but also.. just see thru BS.. 1. We just had a long talk... and she doesnt know that I did not came inside her (i faked).. and I did told her that I dont want to have a kid rihgt now becasue we are still figuring things out about ourselves.. and she was like i dont have to do anything with the kid.. even though she doesnt know what she is going to do.... I feel like everything is probabilistic in nature and probability of having a kid is super low.. How do i go navigate thru this.
submitted by Competitive_Cook_81 to ToxicRelationships [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:48 Jazzlike_Ad_9611 How do I move on?

Hypothetically speaking, let's say years and years and years ago, something really bad happened to me. Sexual assault in public. Lots of people saw it happen. The consensus: they think it's funny and they think I deserved it. Fast forward 20 years: I'm in my 30s and still living in the same area, the same town. People in general have an air of "That punk deserved it. Got what he had coming." What should I do? One, I don't have a college degree. Two, I have less than 10G saved up. Please advise. Thank you.
submitted by Jazzlike_Ad_9611 to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:46 Fragrant-Priority979 Well I’m just going to say it all now (depression, anxiety, overthinking, unhappy, OCD,HOCD)

Alright here is my story, im a 17 year old male and I feel like this is the most comfortable place to say this. Pretty much years ago when I was 10 I got into pornography my friend in 5th grade showed me, that’s where it all went downhill… pretty much addicted to porn and I watched several times a day as a teenager who did homeschool. I was stuck in my bedroom all day lookin for porn and trying to talk to a bunch of women throughout the day to quench my lust and desires. I felt like a horrible person it’s funny because my parents went to church and I followed them and I usually was forced and I felt bad about that, I feel like a horrible person and that I am for sure going to the deepest parts of hell. I then got my phone and that’s where it got even worse because then I was able to have social media and talk to women and look for porn everywhere. It got to the point where it just became habit and I was just doing it because it felt good. Then I got on a teen dating app about a year and a half ago that’s where it got worse, I then started getting into nudes and sending and all this stuff well my karma got to me and I got in a bit of trouble that no one knows about, I got my nude pic saved and threatened on me for money, they were saying like if you don’t give me 500$ I’ll send this to everyone you know and all this stuff, now this is where the anxiety and stresses kicked in, because I’ve been hiding this, acting like a perfect soul and a perfect kid so if they saw this I would be absolutely looked down upon and looked upon with disgust. this happened for months the threats the stress and anxiety not knowing what to do who to tell just keeping it all to myself and just sinking deep into the hole of stress and anxiety attacks of this and I honestly looked at it as my karma and what I deserve for all the stuff I did so I kinda just accepted it and accepted all the feeling of depression,anxiety sadness, stopped doing school couldn’t hangout with friends I was just absolutely crushed. Then the threats stopped I didn’t get leaked and I thought it was going to be uphill from there obviously more porn addiction got worse through that time because it started to become a coping mechanism, I tried to quit multiple times and I couldn’t. Then it got so bad that I sometimes started watching trans and gay porn because I was just so bored of watching straight porn I just kinda became numb too it. Then that’s where the anxiety, overthinking, depression got even worse I then started to ask myself if I was Bi or gay or like question my sexuality even tho I knew I was straight, it’s like I’ve just been digging deeper down the rabbit hole. I just now wanna end my life I keep on thinking I’m gay because of what I watched or bi and I know there is no way that’s true because I’ve never ever see myself in a gay relationship ever it kinda disgusts me that I’m thinking about actually being with a man it’s like my mind is so fried it’s trying to play tricks on me and idk what to do about it anymore I also like look at men and women and see how I react to some and it’s like I’m loosing my capability to be attracted to anyone anymore it’s like I’m just losing myself, I’ve been thinking about church and how these people seem so happy and all this stuff and they seem so genuine and they help each other and lift each other up. I kinda want that but I feel like I don’t deserve it and honestly it’s been rough, I sleep horrible at night I can’t even look at my parents anymore they have no idea how I really am and I’m just a piece of crap that can’t control himself and overthinks everything. I just wanted to say it in here because I felt like I was safer in here to tell my story in here. So yea that’s where I am at in life rn depressed,sad,anxiety, stressful and overthinking life that’s me smh, idk if anyone wants to help me or try and give me tips or advice on this issue I’m kinda at my breaking point, I’m asking for help from anyone, thank you for reading all the way have a good rest of your day.
submitted by Fragrant-Priority979 to Christian [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:46 Butter-and-Bread Your happiness

I just don't get why you like me
I know you love me,
At least you say you do.
But why?

I see the way you laugh when you're with your friends
The laughter tumbles out, wild, free
You say I'm funny too...But you don't laugh like that with me
You chuckle, but you're not really happy are yoU?
Don't get me wrong, it's nice,
But you deserve someone better.
Someone who will make you laugh till you can't breath-
and your beautiful mouth hurt with innocent stupidity

I want you to be happy
And I think you'll never be so perfectly happy with me
submitted by Butter-and-Bread to OCPoetry [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:45 Nivelacker_rtx_off My wotfi ranking. (2015 - 2022)

Disclaimer: 2014 and below wouldn't appear since they don't have a rap and is difficult to rank them. The ranking will mainly have 3 parts:
  1. Challenges. How are the challenges brought into the wotfi and how good and funny were the challenges executed and their representatives (looking at 2020 and up)
  2. Raps. How are the rap brought to the wotfi, how decent is the music and are they even a rap at all (looking at you, 2021)
  3. Overall. How much i enjoy them, and the ending
8: 2022. Absolutely ridiculous. There is absolutely no reason how did kirby just accepts what smg4 said, and i must say the teams are totally shit. They have a chance to make it wotfi again by making Nintendo mario fight smg4, but they go with every nintendo character EXCEPT mario. The challenges are also boring af and i couldn't get myself to laugh at all. This isn't a wotfi. There is no "war of the fat Italians" at all, just "conflict between nintendo characters and smg4 characters". Its all forced as fuck. As an arc finisher wotfi it isn't even climatic at all, since its the 4th arc finisher wotfi and the third one in A ROW. We all know this is going to win, and lawyer kong is way too comedic to be even climatic.
7: 2021. Another forced as shit wotfi. The challenges seems to be brought in at the last second to make it wotfi. the challenges are boring, but i got a few laughs. And also at least the opponent is a brainwashed mario so some scenes can still be called "war of the fat Italians", but the entire thing could be ended not with a wotfi. A simple movie will do. At least its more clinatic than 2022 with axol and mario being in stakes.
6: 2020 This wotfi isn't too bad compared to the last two. I'd say this is the turning point, but the challenges aren't that good either. At this point its just "battle of the two opposite sides" with almost no "war of the fat Italians" at all. It can be argued that smg3 is a fat italian, but none of the anti cast are. The challenges are good tho, at least better than the last two. Its the two sides that ruined this wotfi.
5: 2017 Ok, the rest on this list are now masterpieces in terms of challenges. Although it didn't elaborate on how they even started the wotfi, it doesn't matter since I'll take no reason more than a stupid and forced reason. The challenges are all entertaining and i almost never felt bored, tho imo it IS a bit forgettable at times, if you haven't watched it in a while. And X still exists
4: 2018 This is the first arc finisher wotfi, and it was one that was executed well. It was full on climatic, and the challenges are basically all good, and how they brought it in makes sense and feels natural. And it's also the only arc finisher where its mario vs smg4. The challenges are all good as well, an extremely good wotfi
3: 2019 This is the wotfi that is the perfect mix of modern and classic smg4, with modern characters with classic goals and startings. The challenges are all brought in well and X returned for the wotfi. The last classic based wotfi as well, and spoilers alert, my favourite wotfi of all time
2: 2016, 1: 2015 Both of these are way too good, and I'll talk about them at the same time. The way they brought in the challenges are very funny, and both challenges always had me laughing. 2015's challenges are much more chaotic, and that took my heart more.
8: 2021 THIS ISN'T EVEN A FUCKING RAP The song is decent tho, but its only a song. Never a rap and should never be said as one.
7: 2020 The raps get good starting here, but it still isn't my thing. I don't like Meggy's verses here, literally saying smg3 is the true villian and absolutely evil when smg4 started everything and drove him into this situation where he can be seen as evil. Other than that, i enjoyed the rap a lot. Nothing more to say tbh.
6: 2022 Despite coming from the worst arc in smg4 history, the rap was decent. I didn't really die inside in too much of the verses, and i didn't get bothered by F.K's tts. Still, there are much much better raps, and i still died inside from some verses. I love the part where they show the past arc villians tho.
5: 2018 Starting to get really good, the last stand against Waluigi. Almost no verses are bad, except for Meggy's verse which sounds like AAAAJAHAUQUSHDJDHQJAJSNSJAKAKDJDJ. Its still pretty good tho, especially Waluigi's lines
4: 2017 The arc is good, with a fast based rap. The first rap to include other characters as a team battle, yet still keeping wotfi's spirit in it. How inkling Meggy sounds still annoys me tho, yet still a very solid and good wotfi.
3: 2015 The rap is pure entertainment and chaos, and a full on mario vs smg4. Its just insults threw to each other, and that's what makes wotfi, wotfi. Amazing rap
2: 2016 Another rap with pure fun and chaos, with insults thrown everywhere. A boss battle really brings in the mood, and seeing that mario and smg4 joining forces and focus all insults to bowser is so darn good.
1: 2019 An absolutely beautiful rap, with a mix of classic and modern. Smg4 and mario are still the main focuses here, but they added the modern characters in as well. X just snapping and trying to get the 2 italians to calm down is pure gold. Amazing.
All in all ranking: 8: 2021. I couldn't get myself to enjoy this wotfi at all. Its so boring, and not traditional at all.
7: 2022. Almost the same story with 2022. I couldn't decide which one i hate more, but at least the rap is a banger. However, this is almost not a wotfi. Arguably worst, but i did like the rap.
6: 2020. I just don't like how its not really wotfi, but smg3 is quite fun and at least i don't hate this one, just think its a mid one.
5: 2018. A huge gap between mid and a close masterpiece, with one i enjoyed a lot. Arguably the only arc finisher with climatic elements, and an epic showdown between the 2 sides, without giving up the charm of wotfi.
4: 2017. A fun wotfi with fun challenges, one that i really liked from how good challenges was happening. Also a small step into close modern smg4 with the inclusion of meggy in the rap
3: 2016. 2: 2015. Talking these two at the same time again, bite me. two are just pure fun and stupidity, and that's the charm of wotfi. With chaotic challenges and insults in rap battles, these two are probably the ones that scream classic wotfi the most.
1: 2019. My actual favourite out of the bunch, a mix between modern and classic while keeping all wotfi elements of mario vs smg4 which started with a dumb reason, great challenges and the best rap out of all. This is a well balanced wotfi and the greatest one. I love this wotfi, and i appreciate it even more overtime being the last normal wotfi so far. Hope 2023 will be a traditional wotfi.
So here we go, all ratings. Take this opnion with a pinch of salt, and these are all my personal opnions. Scream at me if you want, it ain't gonna change my opnions much. Of course, if you gave a shit.
submitted by Nivelacker_rtx_off to SMG4 [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:44 Apathetic-Desperate How could you let this happen again

I can’t believe I blindly allowed this… Again.
Years ago I was stay at home mom, husband didn’t make much but we lived with my mom, so we were making ends meet. My husband paid all the bills and I really didn’t pay attention to any of our finances, I just kept my expenses low. I asked about going back to school to finish my degree before going back to the workforce, and he didn’t seem to have an issue with it.
[Background: his mom had recently passed away and left him $20k. But I honestly had no idea he was dipping into it!!]
I finished my associates at community college and started my first semester at a state university. Before the fall semester ended Christmas was getting close and I started talking about presents for the kids. He wouldn’t say much, but said he wasn’t sure what all we could do… long story short we had completely run out of all money to the point that we couldn’t even pay our bills that month!
“HOW COULD YOU HAVE NOT MENTIONED THIS?!” The more I asked, the more he withdrew. He was sure I was going to leave him because he couldn’t provide for me the life I wanted… I was furious that he would keep this kind of secret from me, and just let me blindly squander away all his inheritance like that! I felt like such an ass.
I told him we were a team, and that EVERYONE needs to learn to live within their means, etc. But it seemed like he just couldn’t hear me, and really felt bad about being a terrible husband. So, we never really did talk about it much. I left school and quietly grieved the career I thought I was going to have and went to work. We started to use a budgeting app. Finances sucked for that first year, but things got better.
About 5 yrs ago my mom passed away, and leaves a very messy estate for me to deal with. I start leaning on my husband to do the finances while I worked my way through that. Somehow we actually come away from that mess with a decent inheritance. Enough to take a gamble at a better life. We sell off everything and move across country to a (admittedly expensive) city with better opportunities.
His job transfers him and doesn’t pay much more. I quit when we moved but quickly started working somewhere else making more, then changed jobs and am now making about double. I just got my first huge bonus! “Hey, we can finally afford this expensive-ass city!” I say.
Excited, I want to open up the budget and start moving some into savings for the first time… And this is when a ton of bricks fell on me. We had been hemorrhaging money, and I had no idea. About $2k per month over what we make!! There was no sign that he was going to mention it to me… AGAIN.
I’ve asked several times, “How are we doing right now?”, “Can I buy these shirts now or should I wait til next month?”, “Should we go out for brunch or eat at home and then go grocery shopping?”. He always says we’re fine and “nope, go ahead and get it!”
I mean, thank god we’re not in dire straights again. We can still recover. But it just really pisses me off, and I have no idea how to talk to him about it without him thinking I want to leave him or something! I think the only thing I can do is vent on here anonymously, and quietly take over budgeting for us.
TL:DR I guess I’m just a fucking idiot and let someone who’s bad with money be in charge of money… again.
submitted by Apathetic-Desperate to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:42 AdrianDaFunky I can't stand my clumsiness anymore

Clumsiest person ever?
I don't even know how to start, I just know I've been like this ever since I was born:
I am that person who will trip in the same place, the same way, every single day. Finding random bruises that I cannot explain why in my body is just normal. I hit the chairs in my house every single day, just like I hit my room's door.
I will bite my cheeks at least once a month.
I will spill my food on the table when eating, and when Im serving my plate, I WILL SPILL IT ON THE STOVE, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I will spill juice or whatever Im drinking on my shirt SPECIALLY IF ITS WHITE, at least 4x a week.
At least twice a year I will hit a random pillar with my car out of plain uncoordination/imprudence
I'm at med school and is just plain normal for me to do some random dumb shit like TRYING TO ANESTHETIZE a patient with a SUCTION NEEDLE
If im trying to explain something med related to a med friend, I will say something really wrong out of simply dumbness/clumsiness and gotta re explain cause I explained it wrong
Some days I just can't properly function, its like I went r********, specially if I experienced something awkward or someone made fun of me, my thoughts wont work, they go random, and I cant talk like a normal person
Finally, my diction is shit, Im not a stutter, but I gotta redo my phrases at least 2 out of 10 times cause my diction went 2yo
I stop myself from talking much cause the more I talk, the less sense I make. My thoughts won't make sense, just as my phrases and my diction will go even more bananas
I really wanted to be a surgeon, but I gave up cause I'm a coordination idiot.
Inb4: I workout 5x a day (1.73, 80kg, 12%BF), I sleep from 9Pm to 5am, Ive never flunked school nor got a bad grade in med school (4.45 GPA), but still.
Im good at working out, but sometimes I will drop the weights or BREAK MY PHONE. Just as I was a good soccer player, but I would FALL OVER NOTHING, JUST PLAIN TRIP ALONE AND FALL LIKE AN IDIOT
I'm not even going to mention my aim.......
submitted by AdrianDaFunky to self [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:41 maximusaemilius Empyrean Iris: 2-21: Siren (by Charlie Star)

FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Its space Sirens y’all! Coming to lull you in and take your life away!
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
He was so hungry, lying on the floor of the cage, his hand dangling through the bars, he listened as his stomach left off a round of mournful gurgling.
The mournful gurgle turned into a low grumble and then a distinctive angry howl. His mouth was dry, and he did his best to wet his lips with his tongue.
He could only imagine what the others had been feeling when he first arrived.
No one had been feeding them, and here he was, lying around in a pathetic heap, though he was still watered and fed to some degree. Arguably the amount should have been sustainable if he hadn't been sharing with the other prisoners. He knew it would only cause more problems for all of them in the long run, but he couldn't bring himself to eat while others starved.
Below them on the Prodigum's open floor, Sunny lay curled up against one wall with a line of other prisoners. He had no doubt that she could have broken out by now, but she wouldn't, not as long as he was here at least.
Adam rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling of the cage. A plan had been forming in his head, though whether he could get a message to Sunny was a different matter. He mostly hoped that she would be smart enough to go along with it, or smart enough to go along with it and help with her own plan, if his plan failed.
What was his plan?
Well, that was an entirely different matter…
Honestly it was a pretty stupid plan, designed based on complete conjecture and hope on his part.
Not only that but it pretty much required that Sunny had the ability to read minds, which in itself was stupid, considering their only mind reader was most likely a couple million light years away.
He sighed.
"Ready to start again, commander?”
He closed his eyes against the voice and tried not to groan. He did not want to keep going with this, but he knew he had to.
He rolled onto his knees and looked over at the other cages, where the voice coach and the drummer were watching him. The two of them had been there longer than him and were much closer to the verge of death, though since his arrival they were at least getting something small to eat and drink.
"I'm ready."
His voice was hoarse, and He was forced to clear it.
At least his throat didn't hurt today, a fact that he owed all to the voice coach.
"Remember keep your posture straight, but not strained, breath all the way down and into the belly, don't rely on the chest. The posture of the mouth is the most important aspect of a good singing voice."
He leaned his head against the bars with a sigh.
This was not something he ever thought he would need to learn how to do, especially not in order to save his own life.
There were plenty of other things he had imagined needing to learn. On the floor below them, he watched as Sunny watched him, her sharp gold eyes curious as she watched the two of them working.
She would have no idea what his plan was, and he couldn't tell her. It was known that there were members of the serving staff who were loyal to the Prodigum, whether it be out of fear, Stockholm syndrome, or loyalty.
He idly wondered what the others were thinking.
He wondered what Sunny was thinking.
He wondered if tonight would be his last night alive.
If he would die he would make at least sure that it would be to save Sunny.
The clients began filtering into the room.
Slaves were brought forward for auction, most of them rather worthless, burned out from ears and years of use, but occasionally he would throw in a piece from his own stock knowing that the perceived value of one slave would drive up the price of another.
Lights began to flash and pulse around them at his behest.
He liked the flashing lights, they tended to confuse some of the other species, making them dumber and more likely to buy irrational purchases.
It was the same with the music, though speaking of which… where was his music?
In anger, he turned in his place, shuffling his great bulk over the floor with great halting movements of his arms and the shuffling of his back legs.
The little tentacles below his chin waved in the air, tasting it. He could taste the human, so it's not like the creature was out of his sight.
Ah there it was, in its cage as usual.
It was standing defiantly looking down at him. The ugly little creature glowered at him, its tight skin stretched over bone and lumpy muscle skeletal and strange with its flexible rubbery body.
He hated humans, though they were at least good for one thing.

He wasn't entirely sure how they did, but he was more than jealous.
He really wished Prodigum could sing…
Though he was already working in one of the backrooms on a little project to help with that hinderance…
Of course, he didn't know this, but the Prodigum were more readily affected by human species than a lot of the others.
Where it targeted the Vrul's sense of pattern recognition and overloaded their brain, it directly impacted the emotional cortex of the Prodigum.
Singing to him was an addiction.
One that he had not yet admitted to himself or anyone else.
The human still stared at him its slimy white and green eye, blinking once or twice. He shivered in disgust, but slowly turned to look at the blue Drev. She would fetch a nice price if he were ever to sell her, and he hoped the human understood his intentions.
They were at least smart enough for that on most occasions.
He saw the human shoulders sink just a bit.
Then without further urging, it began to sing.
The Prodigum leaned back slightly, as the sound washed over him bringing with it a wave of melancholy and sadness.
It felt so good,
The fold of his face trembled with delight.
All around him the other clients stopped to look up at the human.
Was it just them or had its voice gotten better, more hypnotic?
Behind the Prodigums back Sunny flexed her hands.
She was ready for whatever Adam was planning, for she knew based on the looks and small gestures he had been giving her over the past few days that he was planning something.
However, the night went on, and although Adam's singing voice had markedly improved, she sensed nothing changing.
She shifted nervously in her cage, looking over to where the Prodigum sat on his back haunches, his large arms resting beside him, a glassy expression on his face, or at least as glassy as an expression could get when it looked like a pile of melted dough.

That was strange…
She glanced around at the others, aliens in various stages of debauchery, sort of lethargic and wobbly.
She glanced up at Adam…
He looked down at her, letting the last note of the song he was using fade off.
She nervously shifted as the aliens began to shift and move.
Then the quiet human in the far cage began tapping his hand against the bars. Adam cleared his throat. The female human began to hum softly.
How interesting…
The effect was almost immediate.
Adam took one deep breath and made eye contact with Sunny.
And then he opened up his voice, cutting through the fading clamor like a blade made of diamond–rising from the upper chest and throat in a way she didn't think him capable, quivering at the top as the others accompanied him.
His voice was full, but filled with pain as he poured in emotion like a damn, breaking to spill water into a canyon. The drummer beat out a soft rhythm behind him.
As he continued to sing the voice was so sad, so pained, that it almost made Sunny want to cry.
He gripped the bars with white knuckled hands, his face contorting with the words not bothering to mask whatever emotion he had dredged up to make a sound like that.
Beautiful and sad.
He dropped low into his chest his voice ringing powerfully over the walls before dropping into softness.
He leaned his head against the bars.
She had a tough time looking away.
What did someone have to be thinking about to make a sound like that?
The beat stopped behind him, leaving just his clear voice ringing out through the room.
She was forced to shake herself from her reverie.
When that song ended, the next one began his voice –quiet– filling the room as she slowly stepped back out of line of sight from the others.
No one was paying attention to her.
If she could just make it to the door, then maybe she would be able to find a way to get a signal out to the others.
Her movement almost notified someone, but at that moment Adam dropped his voice low, adding such a powerful hint of sadness in it that it nearly broke turning his voice to a soft rasp.
The creature could barely keep its feet.
Off to her side the Prodigum had practically melted onto the floor.
She had almost reached the door, and he brought his voice higher, the rasp still in it. It took everything she had to keep moving towards the door, and not to turn around, to be captured in the pain and sadness that he used to glue the others to their places.
Again, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of memories you had to dredge up to sing like that.
It was almost painful.
She had made it to the door.
She reached out to open it as the door opened and light spilled inward, he again reached upwards with his voice, cracking the barrier between him and the others. His voice began to splinter, but not unintentionally, actually quite on purpose, fracturing like ice.
She ran out into the hall.
She froze in place for a second, running face-first into another Prodigum.
It looked as if it was about to attack her, but when the voice washed over it, there was nothing it could do but follow the sound.
As the voice filtered out into the hallway, the same effect remained true. Others began following the sound in a dazed trance barely acknowledging her as they searched for the sad voice, so clear and powerful.
He leaned into it, eyes closed, trying to dredge up the emotion he needed. He needed to give Sunny time to work. He needed to keep their attention. But the more he thought about keeping his voice in place, the harder it was to hold.
So, he tried to ignore the need, instead allowing the emotion to roll into his body strong enough to make his face tingle and shivers to run down his face.
Tears sprung to his eyes, and he tried to hold that feeling allowing his voice to crack at just the right moments occasionally looking down at a slowly growing crowd absolutely entranced.
Behind him, the others were trying hard to keep up.
The door had opened long ago, but there were still forms trickling in.
How long would he have to hold this before someone noticed that Sunny was missing?
He tried tor as long as he could, he really did, but carrying that amount of emotion was difficult, and eventually it faded away. He still kept their rapt attention with his voice, but they were moving again, looking around at each other with confused expressions as if they were trying to figure out what had happened. The Prodigum lay almost passed out on the floor looking on in a strange mixture of confusion and contentment.
Like he was high as hell.
He had no idea how Sunny was going to do this worried that she had gone to her death.
Someone would notice her eventually, wouldn't they?
He wasn't sure how long he was going, hours or not, but eventually he lost the strength of his voice and the surrounding room went back to its normal routine using him as a simple background.
He had done all he could, now it was time to find out if Sunny had made it or not.*
”If it would be up to me, that bastard would be so fucking dead, like series bullshit, fucking laws! Why can’t we just off this motherfucking motherfucker!?”
The door hissed open, and the Prodigum turned his groggy head towards the light spilling across the floor.
He was surprised at that moment as a small shape scuttled into the room.
”And all this bullshit about I how I should stay logical, I don’t FUCKING care! I’m sick of this bullshit! The marines get to kill people all the time, but if I ask if I could bathe a goddamn Prodigum in acid and they say “nooo you can’t to that its unethical”… Fuck off!”
A Vrul?
But those didn't come here?
Number one they couldn't stand music, and number two, they were never involved in the slave market.
”Fuck off goddamn ethical laws, its not like they uphold them!”
The strange sight pulled him out of his trance enough to get up and scoot in that direction, to find out more about this uninvited guest.
It was a small creature, a brownish grey in color with large orange prismatic eyes.
He wondered how it was still walking, but then noticed the large noise-canceling headphones it wore.
”Really I am so fucking done! Fine have it as you want I will NOT kill him… there are other ways to give him what he deserves…”
It scuttled closer to him, pausing at his feet before looking up.
”Hey asshole!? Yes I am talking to you!”
That was strange, it didn't seem scared?
But the Vrul were always scared!?
"Are you the proprietor of this fine establishment?"
The Prodigum was totally baffled about what was going on and just answered truthfully.
"I am."
"Jolly good."
The creature said, reaching out with a hand and gently tossing something in his direction.
The Prodigum flinched for a moment as the tiny devices stuck to his arms legs and face.
"What is that?"
”What you deserve bitch!”
The little creature raised a hand and pressed something with a click.
His world erupted in pain, as lightning and electricity surged through him.
And then the world turned black.
Dr. Krill stood over him, hand still, still every now and then pressing the button as humans and Drev erupted into the room from all angles.
”I hate the fact that because of YOU Adam got captured AGAIN!”
He pressed the button again.
**”I hate the fact that because of you I had to captain a FUCKING human ship for two weeks, you hear me!? TWO WEEKS!!!”
Another button press, followed by more painful twitching from the Prodigum.
”But do you want to know what I hate most of all?”
He leaned down to the twitching Prodigum, holding down on the button.
He looked up from where he stood,
"You are ALL under arrest."
Another Prodigum hissed:
”You can’t just do that!”
”Oh, what I can’t do is surgically cut you a thousand times and then bathe you in salt, because SOMEONE apparently decided the Geneva convention should also apply to scumbags like you. But what I can do is arrest you fuckers! Just watch me!”
”Wait what was that first part?”
"Thank your gods I didn't have final jurisdiction."
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Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.
submitted by maximusaemilius to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:39 Ned84 Why Madrid Must Steer Clear of Lautaro Martinez and His Likes After the Champions League Fiasco

Let's talk about Lautaro Martinez as I have seen a ton of Madridistas saying he’s worthy to wear our shirt. After that laughable spectacle against Manchester City in the Champions League, it's painfully obvious that he’s not cut out for the Real Madrid life.
Inter lost 1-0 against City, and the blame? On Martinez. Supposedly one of the most lethal strikers in the Serie A, but when put on a real battlefield, what did we see? Martinez missing sitters like it was a charity event. An embarrassing, lackluster performance. Were it not for his ineptitude, Inter might've walked away with at least an easy UCL win.
Let's be clear, we should, NOT SETTLE for second best. We want raw talent, not an over-hyped striker who chokes when the lights shine brightest.
If you watched the match, you could see it. The erratic first touch, the misplaced passes, the aimless shooting. And the confidence? Missing in action. For God's sake, a crucial match and you play hot potato with the ball like it's Sunday league.
We don't need an erratic striker that puts the ball everywhere but in the back of the net.
We should be aiming higher, searching for the next Raul, Ronaldo, or Benzema. If we are going to drop serious cash, it should be for a player who can handle the pressure, not crumble under it.
If Martinez can't deliver on a Champions League night, how is he supposed to handle El Clasico? Or another Champions League final?
The very thought of Martinez in a Madrid jersey after such an abysmal display of 'talent' should be a red alert for all of us. I hope Perez is paying attention. No Lautaro Martinez in Madrid, unless he wants to serve water.
submitted by Ned84 to realmadrid [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:38 beneruler Linda's parents

Does anyone actually find Linda's parents funny? I find them to be so obnoxious, but not even in an amusing way. I don't think they even make good foils to Bob. They simply exist to be the most infuriating people on the planet. In The Terminlator II Linda says they are trying their best and I don't think they are trying at all.
submitted by beneruler to BobsBurgers [link] [comments]

2023.06.10 23:36 _T1ffxny AITA for dropping my plans with my friend group after what they did to me?

Before I start, I need to say a short warning that this is my first Reddit post and so my format may not be that good. I also don’t use grammar on a daily basis, so I apologize if I make any mistakes.
Context: I (17f) am in a friend group with 3 other people. I won’t use their real names, so they will be known as Jane, Jill, and Jocelyne. We are all around the same age, Jocelyne being the oldest and a year older than the rest of us. Jill is the most athletic in our group, and normally jokes around, tackling us and basically doing stuff like throwing grass at us and hitting us pretty hard in the back. I am mostly targeted for this, and I’ve learned to get used to it even though I don’t like it. I am also the most sensitive in the group, so that will probably make the story make more sense.
Moving on to the actual story, we as a group decided to hang out over the summer, and the first thing we did was to get ice cream. That part was normal, nothing out of the ordinary happening. We decided to take our ice cream and walk to the park, which was only a few blocks away. As we get there, we see 3 other people we know from school, all hanging out. One of them has a water gûn, and when they see us, they start running after us. All fun and games, right? That is, until the one with the water gûn shoots me in the back with it when I’m not looking. By this point, I just want to go home. As I’m wiping my face, trying to hide the fact that I’m crying, I hear Jill say “I’ll pay you 5 bucks to shoot her again.” Before I have time to block it, she shoots me in the face with the water gûn. Jill scrambles to get her money and says “I only have a 10,” implying that she would give the whole thing if the girl with the water gûn shot me a third time. So the third time, the water hits my side. At this point, I’m crying and passing it off as the water dripping from my hair. Jill is the most satisfied of the 4 of us, saying it was so funny as we leave. The others in the group decide to go to target, which at this point, I wasn’t so willing to go with them but went anyway because I didn’t want to be left out. Keep in mind, I am the only one who was shot by the water gûn. So we go to target, buy some stuff, and leave.
This all made a big impact on me, considering that I really thought these were the people I would die with. I also felt hurt by the fact that the other people in our group (Jill and Jocelyne) did nothing in my defense and also passes it off as a joke. We originally were planning to hang out again around my birthday, also in the summer, which is coming up, but now, I don’t really want to go with them. My other friends that don’t go to the same school as me and I haven’t seen in months are inviting me to hang out also around my birthday, and I really would rather go.
So am I the asshole for dropping my plans with my other group because of what happened?
submitted by _T1ffxny to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]