I have always had issues with being alive, it's never really been "all that" to me and it's NEVER been my "thing". I could definitely have done without all of it and have never come to be in this body, in this place, on earth, in space, right now as these words are read. To have never been born. To just never be...
Life is so painful and it hurts so bad to keep living each and every day. People are cruel, no one is always honest, if people could hear others thoughts they would be infuriated or broken hearted by what they heard from others minds. The body and the brain can only handle so much before it becomes somewhat of a systen failure and the only answer at that point would be to turn off the system permanently. Sitting in my skin suit, feeling the weight of it and the weight if the world and air on my skin makes me want to peel myself like someone would a potato. Is a frantic thought that my skin is too close to me and touching me too much. Yes, i am aware that sounds insane, but the gurlies that get it, get it. I am forcing myself to stay alive in this fucked body. Raw dogging The world still feels like too much weight on my soul and my spirit is raw so any touch is a painfuk touch. Im not sure if the saying, or way of thinking of what level they were on standing on the self harm stairs. Each step lower was a safer less fatal and better option that could be used. Most days I get by using one of my 3 favorite coping methods.

1 restricting / binging foods)

2 smoking (ouid / cigarettes)

3 dissociation/ "checking out"

However, due to bullshit the will to live is wilting and I'm struggling, wondering if people would like me better on drugs or dead. These are feeling like my only options. I either need to numb some of this agony or remove all problems in one swift (hopefully) step, but with me I'd do extra steps just to be sure. Ideally it would be fast via one method but that's not how I'm built
(Fucked up fun fact:)
I'm a cockroach, ass, Rasputin level of hard to k*ll, so i would have to use multiple methods all together to have any change at success I have tried many ways and a few ways at once none have stuck.
** EXTRA contex t** I've been "sober" for 3 or 4 years from cocaine, 6 years from smoking meth, and have only used my medically prescribed Mary Jane and the occasional night of drinking. (Haven't blacked out in 3 or so years) but my grip is giving out. I feel like the 1st person to have something I'm going to take it because I would do anything to not feel the way I feel eight now. It all seems so pointless and like it's a hard fask(s) on a loop. How do I stay alive? How do I stay sober? I can't just stay home and never leave. While I am here I have a lot of shit to do so I can't hide at home 24/7 365 days. I don't know how much more fight I have in me honestly.....the pull of oblivion is so tempting and like I sirens song to my brai. Plus my family already has issues with me and they are why I stay alive because i cant make reasons about me, all my reasons are for someone else. Idk what to do. I am lost. . .

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Fasting makes insomnia so much worse. I do the eat:stop:eat method of intermittent fasting, meaning that I do two non consecutive 24 hour fasts per week. It’s always a million times harder to fall asleep on my fasting days. I fast on Mondays and Wednesdays, so today (or I guess yesterday) wasn’t even a fasting day for me. I just had no appetite for no discernible reason, so I didn’t eat anything. But now it’s almost 4am and I have a choir thing tomorrow so I really wanted to be well rested but that’s not gonna happen. I know it’s my own fault, but I’m still frustrated.

Who is Yuri?

Yuri's a toddler girl (2 years & 9-10 months old) of the Winter's Claw with similar "immortality" blood magic as Tryndamere, but fueled by thrill & excitement rather than anger. She's so happy-go-lucky that never shows negative emotion almost ever, & enjoys the thrill of combat & harsh training so much, she actively rejects outside healing & protection. The Winter's Claw noticed her inhuman strength & endurance when she was barely 2 years old, & they've been honing her physical feats & combat skills ever since. The only piece of clothing she wears is a thin, white underwear, leaving her extremely scarred, muscular body completely exposed otherwise. Her hair is a short boy-cut of white hair

Passive: Embrace Pain!

All damage Yuri takes from all sources is converted into true damage, & she gains bonus AD equal to 5% of her bonus resists
When she kills a unit (ANY unit, including wards, structures, etc), she permanently gains 10 Embrace Pain stacks. She increases her Total AD (As Bonus AD), Max Health, & Base Health Regen by 0.001%, & increases her base AD by 0% (+0.0001% per 1 Flat Missing Health) for each Embrace Pain stack
All 4 of Yuri’s abilities are unlocked at the beginning of the game but only have 1 rank. When she levels up, instead of increasing base stats/gaining ability ranks, she increases her total Embrace Pain stacks by 10% (Stacking additively). Her level cap is increased from 18 to 99999 (Items/Runes that scale on level are still capped at 18)

Q: Into the Sky!

Passively, this ability stores up to 5 charges. Actively, Yuri consumes all charges, resets her attack animation, & empowers her next attack to have an uncancellable windup. For each charge consumed, this attack on-hit deals 20% AD (+1% her bonus health) bonus physical damage & knocks up the target for 0.4s
Cooldown/Recharge: 3
Cost: 50 Mana per charge consumed

W: Take me on!

Yuri makes a target enemy champ within 350u of her furious for 2.5s, taunting them for the duration & granting the target bonus atk speed equal to 25% of their adaptive force & 100% of their ability haste during the taunt. While an enemy is furious, they can still cast abilities/items/sum spells, but will automatically target Yuri/use it in her target direction regardless of their cursor location
Cooldown: 30
Cost: 75 Mana

E: Unstoppable Brawl!

Yuri marks a target enemy unit (Even structures) within 350u of her for 5s, causing her to be immune to all CC effects dealt from the target, & if they dash/blink/jump/etc, she will dash to 150u behind them from their mobility direction. Each instance of damage she deals to the marked target refresh the mark duration, permanently grant her an Embrace Pain stack, & grant her an Unstoppable Brawl stack for the mark duration. For each stack, she gains +5% Move Speed, +5% Atk Speed, & restores mana equal to 0.5% of the damage dealt. If the marked target’s not a champ, they’re considered a “temporary” champ to her (She can stack LT/Conq, proc Grasp/Heartsteel, etc, but can’t gain stacks of Domination Hunter for example)
Cooldown: 30 (On activation)
Cost: 75 Mana

R: The Scarchild

Passively, Yuri has a resource bar known as excitement (Under her mana), up to her max health. Healing that Yuri would receive from any source (Not Including fountain healing, base health regen, passive regen such as warmogs, healing from this passive, or increasing her max health) instead fills an equal amount of excitement (Affected by heal/shield effectiveness, including Grievous Wounds), Shielding she receives from other allied champs are instead gained as excitement, & damage she takes from all sources fills 50% of the damage taken as excitement
When out of combat with champs (Not including temp champs) for at least 5s, Yuri regenerates 5% of her missing health each second at the cost of an equal amount of excitement. At Level 6+, she gains the following listed below:
Passively, this ability can hold up to 5 charges. If she would take lethal damage/be executed when she has at least 1 charge, she instead consumes a charge & all her excitement, is left at 1HP, & gains a True Shield (Can’t be destroyed by shield destroying abilities) equal to the excitement consumed that lasts until out of champ combat for 5s. While the shield holds, she converts all her HP5 into Move Speed at 25% effectiveness (Increased to 50% at Lvl 11, 70% at Lvl 16, 85% at Lvl 21, 95% at Lvl 26, & finally 100% at Lvl 31). This will put the ability on it’s CD (So it & the active can’t be used at the same time)
Actively, Yuri consumes all her current charges & excitement to grant the target allied champ within 500u (Besides self) a True Shield equal to (20% per charge consumed) of the excitement consumed that lasts until out of champ combat for 5s. While the shield holds, they gain Armor & M Resist equal to 25% (Increased to 50% at Lvl 11, 70% at Lvl 16, 85% at Lvl 21, 95% at Lvl 26, & finally 100% at Lvl 31) of her ArmoM Resist respectively
Cooldown/Recharge: 30
Cost: None
NOTE If Yuri’s affected by Axiom Arc’s Flux, she’ll gain 2 charges for free but won’t reduce the current CD
NOTE If Sylas hijacks Yuri's ult, he'll only gain 1 charge on a 60s "Can't be hijacked" CD

Base Stats

Health 1000
HP5 10
Mana 500
MP5 5
Move Speed 350
Atk Range 100 (Melee)
Atk Speed 0.75
Atk Damage 50
Armor 0
M Resist 0

Anyone who played this game for enough to reach "end game" realized how easy the game becomes once you get some stronger tame like Rex or Wyvern (which are pretty easy to get). ARK is great game and has A LOT of stuff to do in the end game if you are into PvP, but it lacks challenging PvE content. Even Alpha bosses can be beaten w/o mutated dinos, so if you are pure PvE player, there is no incentive for you to work on upgrading your dinos. One might think "oh just lower rates on the server and it wont be that easy, you wont finish that fast". That doesnt really fix the problem, it just makes the game more tedious and, for most, boring. Thats lazy way of doing it. However there is other way. It can be fixed, if you know how (and are willing to do a lot of work)
Here is how did I "rewrite" this game to become PvE focued game, instead PvP

• Every flyer and glider dino was removed from the game. You will have acess only to land and water dinos, you wont be able to "skip" every danger by just flying over it
• Every ridable land and water dino has been rebalanced and divided into 6 groups: Small Herbivores, Large Herbivores, Small Predators, Large Predators, Water Dinos and Titans. No longer you will be able to oneshot pretty much everything the moment you tame a Rex/Spino. That also means all dinos are "end game viable" and you can breed/mutate whatever you want, it will be viable to do all the content in the game
• All alphas were rebalanced. They are no longer walking loot/exp pinatas, they will be strong enough to consider them a challange and call them "mini bosses".
• The map boss stats were changed on all 3 difficulties to be more challanging (alpha one will be pretty darn tough)
• Some end-game recipes were changed to become "chase items". Mostly stuff from S+ mode like Propagator, Mutator, Tek crafting benches
• All beacons have been changed. They no longer containt the garbage items that they normally have, instead they contain every single item in the game that can have quality (saddles, weapons, tools, armours). All of them are also "randomized" so they are simillar in "power", White beacon has just as good items as Red one
• "The Market" was added. Its a place with "vendors" where you can sell many of the dino loots and few gatherables and also buy some end game stuff and other cool stuff. The "currency" is mutagen, which normally cant be aquired on this map, but also is used in breeding so that fixes potential inflation problem in the future

Here are some additional changes that make the experience more casual/fun and more info about the server:

• Dinos from other maps were added to the one we play on. The plan is to add every single land and water dino available in the game. We currently have some of them added, more of them will be added over time
• Extra resources that nomrally cant be aquired (on this map) were added
• Every dino is breedable and can be mutated. Even those that normally cant, like Rock Golem, Karkinos or Reaper. As long it can fit in cryopod (no Titanosaur breeding, sorry)
• Infinite element. Every player will have acess to stash with "infinite" amount of element. Tek tier has a lot of cool stuff and locking them behind the boss fight (and tedious grind if you need more) is not that fun
• All engrams are auto-unlocked

Stats of the server:
Player ressistance: 0.5 (means we take half the DMG)
Item Stack Size: 3 (with custom stack size for certain items)
Taming speed: 24 (3 speed, 8 hunger)
Harvest: 5 and XP: 5
Egg Interval: 0.2, Mating interval: 0.075, Egg Hatching: 20, Baby mature: 30
Turret Damage (to dinos): 5
Unlimited respecs
Mods on the server: Awesome spyglass, Strucutures+, Steampunk, Dino Storage, Simple Spawners
Map: The Center
Plans for the future:
Boss Arena: This place wil be your place for your end game challenges, place where you will test out how strong are your dinos or some crazy ideas how to kill the easier bosses

• Boss Arena will have no restrictions other than time limit (for server safety, boss will despawn 60 min after spawning if not defeated). That means you can bring as many dinos as you want, any dino you want and even use machines/building to cheese the fight. The only rule is to not break the arena walls/flooceiling.
• Arena will have 5 bosses available: Broodmother, Megapithecus, Dragon, Deinopithecus King and Rockwell
• Every boss battle will have 15 difficulty levels. Yes, you see it right, 15, not usual 3.
• Boss arena will also have Mini Bosses aka Alphas - you will be able to fight alphas in here. Alphas that you can pick are Karkinos, Reaper King, Basilisk and Deathworm. OFc one would be too easy, so starting level will be 10 at once
• All Mini Bosses fights will have 5 difficulty levelsAll fights on the Arena will have some entry fee (paid in currency - mutagen) but if you win, you will be able to sell the loot for more than you paid, so it also will be source of income

Remaining dinos that are not added yet. Currently there 9 dinos missing on the map,I plan to add them over time, one per week, so people will have time to interact with one before next one will appear.
If you are interested in playing on this server feel free to contact me on the reddit or join us on the discord: https://discord.gg/daikirai
Once you join the discord server got to #ARK and check pinned comments and feel free to ask me anything (My name is 【𝐀𝐘𝐍𝐈𝐗】on the server)

ChatGPT say I should go for a professional body weight management review. Primarily because by BMI is 24 which is above what is the recommended Asian BMI of 23.
Body composition is skinny fat. Even though I got visible muscles on limbs, can actually my stomach is unusually protruding. OMRON body weight scan suggest I got 10.5kg of visceral fat out of 65.7kg of bodyweight.
Any idea what a professional body weight management at hospital would be like?

When I used to smoke weed, but lips would get a blue/purple tinge to them and my extremities would get cold anytime I was decently high. I was only 20 at the time, and quite active and healthy. I don’t have history of cardiac/circulatory problems in my family. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone know what might cause this?

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Major: Astrophysics/ Physics with a minor in theater arts
GPA: 92.15/100 UW, no weighted gpa, no AP/Hon/IB class offered in school
Class rank: Val
Aid: need extensive aid,
LORs: 3 teacher recs ( 9/10 9/10 7/10) mid counselor rec cuz school keeps it under 125 words, explained this in additional info, schools responded positively saying they’d add this to my file.

Standardized Tests:

● SAT (August 2022)- 1500/1600 (EBRW:720/800, Math:780/800, Overall percentile- 99th) (took once)
● Duolingo English Test: 150/160

Research exp:

Research collaborator and advisor- (2020- present)
- Collaborated with Dr……(Dean of Mechanical Engineering Department)
- Regularly analyzed relevant research papers and discussed findings, suggested potential improvements and proposed innovations over meetings on a bi weekly basis.
- Worked on:
➔ powering electric vehicles by substituting Lithium ion batteries with similar alkali based derivatives
➔ hydrostatically powered mechanical arm for restricted submarine systems
➔ analyzing optimal hinge points to minimize post-fold area of hand-gliders to enable rapid commute at avalanche prone locations
- Work on my first patent to begin under Dr ...... supervision by mid-2023.

Honors

● Finalist For Indian team for IOAA’22
Also current semi finalist for ioaa’23 and ipho’23 teams
● National debate runner up

• 2 times National Standard Examination of Astronomy awardee (2021-22 & 2022-23)

● National Standard Examination for Physics awardee (2022-23)
● Invitational Indian National Astronomy Olympiad, qualified for next stage
● National Talent Search Examination Scholar (NTSE scholar)
● Kishore Vaigyanik Protsahan Yojana ( Young Scientist Encouragement Programme) national merit list awardee
● 9 awards of merit including school, district and state level recognitions by Science Olympiad Foundation
● State Rank-8th in the SilverZone International Social Science olympiad.
● Language Proficiency Award by 1988 batch (given to 1 student every year (school))
● Physics Brawl 2022 World Rank 36.
● Awardee of International Math Olympiad Qualifier Merit certificate by MTAI

Activities

● Comedy ( 2021- present)
- Wrote and Performed 11 Stand-up Scripts
- Taught categorization of Near Earth Objects through comedy sketches
- Performed in economically deprived areas and slums
● Author (2021-present)
- Currently writing “ xxxxxxxxxx”, a book dedicated to helping ambitious high students through the thrills and travails of Pre-College Physics
- Book focuses extensively on co-scholastic aspects of being a physics enthusiast and the opportunities that come by.
● Entrepreneur (2020- present)
- Co founder and Head of R&D Dept. for ‘xxxx’, an emerging start-up that aims to produce customized technology for personalized use.
● Card Stacker (2013- present)
- Creator of 100+ stacks since 2013
- Runs an instagram page on card stacking with over 150 followers.
● Actor and Playwright (2021- present)
- Playwright and Lead actor for xxxx’’s delegation for regional extramural events.
● Orator (2014 - present)
- Participated in over 35 intramural and extramural competitions and events
- 20 awards of merit in xxxxx All India Inter School Debate, ‘xxxx Oratory Champ’ etc.
● Bal Vigyan
- Member of school’s delegation to Sahodaya Bal Vigyan Contest, received Best Project for two years in a row for presenting STEM based solutions to Garbage disposal and Traffic Safety.
- Formulated AV components to LED billboards to quicken response time for motor accident victims
- Devised means to convey waste segregation to uneducated citizens.
● Oratory Mentoring
- As the only two-times Joint Secretary of my schoolhouse, hosted oratory mentorship sessions every Saturday for two years
- Mentored 26 lowerclassmen, 8 peers and 2 upperclassmen.
- A lowerclassmen who struggled with extreme stage anxiety has recently won the National MUN conference.
- Two other lowerclassmen from the mentoring sessions went on to achieve State level distinction.
Recent activity:
Appointed by school as peer counselor, have mentored 200+ lowerclassmen
Current Jee Main Percentile: 99.45%ile (horrible bc i kept writing supps instead)
_________________________________________________________________________________________________Schools:Cornell ED: R
RD: Caltech (stings)Columbia Stanford Princeton Yale (applied up close but uh...)JHU UPenn Dartmouth (cant blame'em, shotgunned)
Have a waitlist but it prolly means nothing being an aid seeking intl
Now what?: will stay here and get a cool undergrad place, will try out for grad schools

Hello,
I am currently pregnant (8 wks) and am in dire need of assistance. I recently lost my job due to a 3 week hospitalization (I was septic and nearly lost my life), which caused me to lose my vehicle and I'm now being evicted. I have no place to go. I haven't had anything to eat in nearly two days. have no family to request help from. I can't even make it to any of my upcoming doctor's appointments. I also have a fur baby who is out of food. At this point, I'm honestly scared that we're going to starve/end up homeless.
I have CashApp, PayPal, and Venmo. If anyone has at least $20 dollars they can spare so I can feed myself and fur baby - would be greatly appreciated. Anything helps!
Thank you in advance 💜

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Birthday is coming up, I'm doing some reflection, and thought I'd post here.
My path so far: graduated computer science, always chased the A's since entering catholic school, at 11 years old. Before graduating high school, I made a good chunk of YouTube vids, but entering college, I stopped because 1. I wouldn't have the time or setup, 2. I convinced myself it wasn't worth doing, it was time to to pursue something for money and a career that would secure my future.
I got a coding job after college, did it for one year, then quit. I was unemployed for almost a year, I felt like the engines of my life plane turned off for the first time, mid air. I didn't know where to go, what I wanted, I was really lost.
Now, I have job sitting in a building 24 hrs a week, doing almost nothing for waaaaay less money, but I pay my bills, got a place with gf, and I'm happy and pretty stress free. I'm also working on my vids again, and have made that my top priority in my life.
I guess the reason why I'm posting is, I'm not sure how long I can keep this lifestyle up. I may want to move soon, and was thinking of switching jobs/professions again. Anyone got recommendations, or maybe somewhere else to ask questions? I just need something to pay the bills, my main issue is avoiding working over 35 hours a week(for money/job, not counting hobbies), which is hard to manage in this world.
Thanks for any help
​
PS Birthday is in 2 days, I'm actually 23