I have been dating Carol since the summer of 2017. What began as a fleeting affair in the Iloilo countryside soon developed into a genuine connection that shattered all my former conceptions of what creatures like her are truly like. After a year of long-distance (I had to return to Metro Manila for my collegiate duties), we agreed that it would be best for our relationship if she moved to the city to live with me, and the rest is history.
In the nearly-six years me and Carol have spent together, I have slowly but surely garnered a deep appreciation for Manananggalian culture and tradition. So, as a lifestyle writer, I thought it would be appropriate for me to impart to the world all the benefits of having one of these exotic, erotic creatures as your lifetime companion.
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1. They can be your personal bodyguard

Walking down the crowded streets of Binondo is always frightening, especially for a certified probinsyana like me. However, ever since Carol and I moved in together, I have never felt more secure and assured of my personal safety. Despite their diminutive frame, the strength of a manananggal far exceeds that of the average man. Carol knows I dislike violence, but there is something so cathartic about seeing her, in the shape of a slender, beautiful woman, slice through the wrist of a creepy jackass letching after us as we pass. Despite their reputation, manananggal are actually very protective of those close to them and are willing to kill to keep their partners safe.

1. Their tiktik birds make for excellent guard pets

Just like a witch would have her black cat, manananggal are often accompanied by small, dark-feathered avians colloquially known as tiktik birds. Though disheveled and frankly unattractive in appearance, their intelligence is nonpareil and they have complete understanding of human speech. We named ours “Manyak”. It’s always convenient to have Manyak guard the house when we’re not around. In fact, I’m certain that his presence has single-handedly reduced the crime rate in our neighborhood, as word got around that a hideous bird would disfigure anyone who tried to break into a home there. This is false, as he only disfigures those who break into ours, but I keep my mouth shut.

1. They will make you Internet-famous (@mananang.gals)

During the pandemic, Carol and I decided to mess around and create our own TikTok account, cheekily called u/mananang.gals (please follow!). When I wasn’t busy with work, we would create stupid skits about what it was like living with a manananggal. At first, our videos weren’t getting much positive attention, and multiple people tried to expose us for being “fake”. However, after our video where we recreated a scene from Shake, Rattle & Roll IV a little too realistically, our account gained hundreds of thousands of followers overnight. Since then, multiple paranormal investigators have tried to dox us and break into our household, but after the first few were permanently marred by Manyak, they eventually gave up. We don’t post very frequently anymore.

1. They appear normal to everyone else

While a manananggal in her “true” form is bound to elicit looks of horror whilst walking among humans, they have the ability to circumvent this by taking the shape of a regular human girl. In this form, they are basically indistinguishable from their human cousins. The pointed, elven ears are the only real giveaway, which are often obscured anyway by their thick, dark hair.
Carol first came to me in this form, dressed in an elegant floral duster, as I was bawling my eyes out beside the chicken coop at my uncle’s farm. Who cries beside a chicken coop? Me, apparently. Anyway, for reasons I prefer to remain undisclosed, I was in a very vulnerable state at the time, mentally and physically bruised, and just when it seemed like nobody else would, Carol sat down and listened to me. She then introduced herself as a harvester at my uncle’s farm. That seemed about right, as I recalled seeing her in the fields, interacting with the other workers, so I kept speaking with her as a normal human. It was only when I confronted her with the information that my uncle had never hired anyone named Carol that she was forced to reveal to me her true identity.

1. They can take you on piggyback rides over the night sky

One night when I came home from work so exhausted that I looked almost as monstrous as my living partner, she swiftly offered to take me for a ride on her back to help clear my head. My jaw dropped in shock; at that point, unless it was for videos, Carol rarely ever presented herself to me in the form of a manananggal, but it sounded like a sweet offer, so I accepted. As she promised, Carol shapeshifted into her natural form, bisected herself, and gestured at me to hop on.
Growing up in the province, I never cared for the hustle and bustle of city life, but in that moment, thousands of feet above the surface, tightly embracing the only woman that has ever shown me genuine care, it was beautiful. Even now, whenever I look back at it, the image of the landscape permeates my memory just as vividly. After that experience, I honestly would have been content to live the rest of my life without another fantastical sky excursion, but to my delight, we did it again. Then again. And then again.

1. They become open and honest once they warm up to you

Somehow, after that series of ravishing nights above the Metro Manila cityscape, a switch flipped in our relationship. From thereon, Carol would assume her human form less and less, instead opting to remain as a manananggal when we were at home. Furthermore, she began to open up to me about the hardships that her kind faces in modern human society. For example, illegal logging in the Visayas region has resulted in their habitats being destroyed, forcing the manananggal to have to integrate themselves among the human populace. She also mentioned how they face discrimination due to the traditions of their ancestors, which are no longer seen as ethical by the species’ youth. It took some time, but I finally felt like Carol had given me her full trust, which I value greatly.

1. They have strong connections to other Filipino creatures

While manananggal aren’t commonly regarded as social beings, they actually have ties to other Philippine-endemic creatures. When we got the chance to retreat to Iloilo for the holidays, Carol introduced me to her childhood friends: an agta, an engkanto, and two other manananggal. As the only human in the group, of course I was intimidated at first, but after a few drinks, we really began hitting it off! In truth, I was a reclusive child and I never exactly belonged to a “group of friends”, even in my adolescence. But for whatever reason, this odd bunch of pariahs made me feel welcomed like no human ever has. Who knew that dating a manananggal could increase your social capital?

1. They have delicious cuisine

During our days in the city, Carol often satiates herself with grilled chicken livers and pork intestines, but when we last went back to the countryside, she wanted to treat herself to something more… authentic. See, it turns out that modern manananggal no longer prefer to eat pregnant women’s unborn fetuses for a meal. Instead, they feed on society’s most depraved—rapists, torturers, the like—murdering them in their own homes. I had obviously never tasted human meat before then, but I was surprised to find that when roasted, it has a flavor comparable to that of a beef tenderloin: lean, buttery, and practically melts in your mouth. Due to their fatal dietary restrictions, they cannot prepare it with salt or garlic, but a squeeze of citrus usually does the trick. What makes it all the more satisfying is the knowledge that the source of the meat had done things to justify their mutilation. What did chickens and pigs ever do to deserve that?

1. They can kill your adversaries on your behalf

While returning to Iloilo is a welcome break from the clamor of Metro Manila, I’m not going to pretend that being there does not conjure up memories which I wish would have stayed repressed. Given that I spent sixteen years of my life there, it shouldn’t come as a surprise where, or more importantly, who my trauma stems from.
My uncle was a peculiar man. He remained unmarried for the entirety of his life, and the townspeople would often gossip about how he gave them the creeps (looking back, that’s probably part of the reason people avoided me as well). I can’t blame them. Despite being the only parental figure I’ve ever had, my uncle always made me uncomfortable, and that was before he began encroaching on my private space. I continued to return to his farm during the holidays because I had nowhere else to sleep. I’ll give him credit, he maintained a beautiful and prosperous farmland, but I always imagined how better the place would be without him.
One night, during a drinking session with Carol and the gang, I said “I think I know of a man who fits your criteria.”

1. They can help you become one yourself!

Recently, Carol told me about a special procedure that could end up changing both of our lives forever. Apparently, if one recites a specific incantation, anoints themself with oil, and obtains an egg containing a black chick, a human woman may be transformed into a manananggal. As extreme as it sounds, this decision is a no-brainer for me. If I were a manananggal, I could soar the night sky alongside Carol instead of having to cling to her back. I would have the ability to defend myself against harm without needing to rely on others. I wouldn’t have to work or worry about living expenses because I would be able to hunt for my own food. On top of all that, I could still walk amongst men as a human girl by shapeshifting. Is there even a drawback to this?
I no longer wish to be human. What has being human ever gotten me? Certainly not the love and respect of other human beings. Besides, humans are weak, frail, and vulnerable. Weak. Frail. Vulnerable.
For transparency, this might very well be the last article I write for this website. Carol and I are still in the process of acquiring a black chick egg, but with her connections, that shouldn’t take very long. Either way, we hope that this article will inspire at least one of you to consider looking for a single manananggal in your area to take on your next date. And perhaps, like me, you will eventually feel compelled to become one of us yourself.
Thank you for reading! - Steph and Carol

I've brought this up enough times, I figured I could just write a dedicated post and shared it as needed since I'm kind sick of writing about it.
The synopsis is this, back in November my doctor at the time put me on fluconazole. I took 50mg/day for about two months. Within about a week I had a dramatic increase in energy and most of my GI issues vanished. I believe SIFO was probably a major cause.
The takeaway, if you don't want to read the detailed version is, if your liver is healthy and your doctor is willing to try a course of fluconazole, try it. Empiric treatment is the only real option in most cases anyway. You'll either improve or you won't. Fluconazole is cheaper, easier, and poses less risk than a SIFO test (which isn't standardized, expensive, and requires a small intestine aspirate culture).
Okay, the longer version:
Months before taking a breath test for SIBO, I was seeing a naturopath after my prior FMD's best idea for dealing with issues that wouldn't go away was to retry a shortened version of his magical "gut reset" protocol. (He claims it was specially tailored for me, but given what I know now looking at these protocols... I think that's probably utter nonsense.) I had taken the battery of standard functional medicine tests:

• cortisol, which is kinda useless since there's a good chance if you're dealing with insomnia, it's cortisol related.
• a combination organic acids and blood vitamin thing, which tests methylation and all kinds of stuff but who knows if that's worth a crap
• the good old three day poop test, which again, who knows what's useful in there

The naturopath really keyed in what he believed to be elevated levels of d-arabinitol on the combination test. The test claims the numbers were elevated but I am so distrustful of their numbers that I can't say. Whatever the case, he put me on oil of oregano and undecylenic acid which did... nothing. I was on them for about a month with no improvements whatsoever.
During my next checkup I explained that nothing had changed. I had actually asked for fluconazole when he mentioned candida mainly because I was aware of SIFO at the time and I knew the standard treatment was 100mg/day for 2-4 weeks. He wanted to try the "natural" route first but I honestly wanted to jump straight to fluconazole. No dice though. He put me on 50mg/day at that point and wanted me to stay on the other stuff as well. (I hate to be cynical, but I suspect it's because he sells supplements and not fluconazole.)
For the first four days of taking the fluconazole I felt awful. I felt like I had the flu. I was exhausted, had joint pain, brain fog, interrupted sleep, and total exhaustion. This, I believe, was a classic die-off situation. By the fifth day I woke up feeling way better. I had a strange amount of energy that day and experienced no upset after eating.
Within a week I was working out again. By Christmas I was able to enjoy homemade deep dish pizza with my kids (this is our tradition and I have cooked it for the past several years). This isn't some weird gluten free thing either. This is a regular, wheat flour dough, mozzarella, pepperoni, etc. I honestly thought we'd finally found the problem and it was just a matter of time before I was normal again.
I basically plateaued in January. I didn't get worse but I didn't get any better. While I had more energy than before, I was still definitely fatigued and still had to sleep a lot of hours compared to normal (9-10/night) and I simply never wake up feeling "refreshed." The other major symptom, needing to pee way too often, hadn't gone away like I had hoped.
At the next checkup he bumped me to 100mg/day on the basis that he believed it was still candida and had me take an organic acids test. He also added a PHGG supplement to "strengthen my gut."
That weekend was a disaster. That change lead to two things:

1. My sleep was terrible. I was only able to sleep for max 4 hours/night.
2. I was suddenly bloated again.

I only took the PHGG for 3 days. I stopped the fluconazole as well. After a few days my sleep returned to normal. However, my energy levels have never recovered since and that was the end of me working out. That was actually when I started to suspect SIBO because I wondered if maybe the fluconazole had beat back the yeast, but that also left a bigger opening for other things since they compete.
The doctor was not very helpful at all during this. I got curt emails back just telling me to cut things in half. He also told me that if it was SIBO I would have had higher numbers on something on the organic acids test—this, by the way, is complete crap. So far as I can tell the only useful marker for adults on the OAT is maybe the yeast metabolites. You cannot diagnose or rule out SIBO on this basis.
That was when I decided to see a new doctor, a conventional GI doctor, who turned out to be completely useless. He refused to even test for SIBO despite saying he would if the "standard" tests showed nothing (which, of course, they showed nothing). It is literally written on the papers from our first visit.
I went doctor shopping after that for a doctor who was familiar with SIBO so I knew they'd at least be open to the idea. This put me back in the functional medicine world—which I am very, very mixed on—but this time at least the doctor was an MD and seemed less quacky than my prior FMD and also less cocksure. I took the Trio-Smart test at this point and... methane and hydrogen positive.
On a last note, after 2 weeks of rifaximin and allicin and starting a second herbal treatment (Candibactin-BR, neem, allicin) which I'm currently on day 5, I'm back to the energy I had back when I was on the fluconazole originally. So that's an improvement, although I am hesitant to call something a trend if it hasn't stuck around for more than at least a week. We'll see.
I don't really know what to make of anything at this point. There's a part of me that worries that the breath test might be a red herring, but... with methane (which was elevated even on my baseline before taking the lactulose) I think it's the right path. The poop test showed elevated levels (at least by their ranges) of m. smithii. I don't know if that's meaningful, but it does seem awfully coincidental otherwise.

Hello everybody I have a question regarding my 10 year old dogs head, which I noticed was constantly tilted to the left. He also seems to yelp in pain infrequently during the day at random intervals for a short time, other than that his movement seems unaffected, being able to have a free range of motion of his head without any pain.

22 Male. 5’ 10”, 150lbs, white, Medication: Prozac 30mg daily, Finasteride 1mg daily, topical minoxidil once daily
I went to the doctor recently for occasional extreme internal pain during bowel movements. I explained my symptoms and he said it sounded like constipation. He suggested Miralax if there’s a stretch of pain for multiple days. He also suggested taking fiber supplements twice a day. Does this sound reasonable? What is a good company to buy for the fiber supplements?

I am nearing 3 years post L5 S1 spinal fusion. Prior to it, I had spondy and sciatica for 5 years that were causing my body to atrophy, and causing me pain. I remember searching the internet for POSITIVE outcomes because the negative were overwhelming. Because people who are having success often don't come back to these forums...they are no longer looking for answers. It occurred to me today that I should check in with this community to share that a spinal fusion can change your life for the better. It's not easy; it takes work and time. You have to be at a point where you realize that you also can't continue living your life without the surgery. I was active pre surgery and I'm active now. I'm slowly regaining muscle function that I've lost, and spent time undoing compensation patterns. I've hiked up to 10 miles. I do Pilates/barre and physical therapy moves to this day. And I'm finally easing back into running. My goal is 3 miles on the 3 year anniversary. Hang in there everyone! There is hope.

I hear so many varying opinions. I need help! I have been breastfeeding my 1 week newborn since Thursday night (so 5 days). I feed from one breast per feed every 2.5-3 hours. I feed from one side because I suspect a fast let down and saw from YouTube to stick to one breast for this. Anyway, the biggest challenge is have fast my breasts become engorged - specifically the one that’s not being used. It is SO Painful. I take Advil and Tylenol. I have tried the haaka and only find minimal relief. So I’ve been pumping that breast instead for 5-10 minutes. But will that make my situation worse? I’m just really confused if I’m doing the right thing or not. When the heck does engorgement go down?!

28nb, AFAB, 5'8'', 125lbs, white, USA Vyvanse 50mg, Adderall 10mg, Tizanidine (previously Baclofen), Ibuprofen, Naproxen.
Thank you in advance for donating a bit of your time.
Duration:

1 year, gradual onset

Symptoms (all Right Side):

-Pain & tightness under scapula, up side of throat
-APD in right eye, slowed response to light in both eyes, blurred/smudged vision in right eye, constricted right pupil in Horner's pattern (APD confirmed by ophthalmologist & neuro, Horner's not confirmed via eyedrops test, but new as of 1 year ago)
-Ear popping, pain, reduced response (confirmed by audiologist)

Pain Diagram: here

Blue: 3-7/10 pain, tightness, popping/snapping noises Green: tender, painful spot; occasional transient anesthesia of the skin

Tests (clear):

-CT cervical spine -MRI head & neck -MRA head & neck -MRA TWIST brain -X-ray chest -Ultrasound heart -Ultrasound gallbladder -30 day heart monitor -Psychiatric eval (depression, etc)

Tests (abnormal):

-Swinging light test (confirmed APD) -Audiological exam (right ear requires louder sound to respond)

About a year ago, I started experiencing debilitating pain between my spine and right shoulder blade. Then, my right ear began to pop whenever I was standing up, as though I were on a plane. Now, it's been a year, and I am in excruciating pain 9/10 days when I wake up. Some days it becomes so bad I cannot focus on anything other than breathing. NSAIDs and muscle relaxers do not work anymore. Neither did PT. I cannot work.
Occasionally, when I am in certain positions, there will be a great THUNK in my shoulder / upper back, and the pain will mysteriously disappear, only to return in a few hours.
Other than ruling out things like dissection, lesions in my brain or cervical spine, etc, no one has been able to help me figure out what is happening or how to make it stop.
Does this pattern of pain and symptoms mean anything to anyone? Has anyone seen this before? At the very least, can anyone help me identify which muscle or attachment my extremely tender spot (shown in diagram linked above) is?

I'm Korean woman(32, F), dating a man(20, M) who is working in U.S army.
I got to know him at Dating app(Bumble) and we have been talking for for a few months.
Our first dating is in the early of January, and we lived far away in different cities in Korea, so we slept over together at hotel at first date, and we did kiss or things, but we didn't have sex because I'm inexperienced but he understood me and though I didn't expect it, and he did so sweet to me, like kissing on my forehead and holding my hands, which is one of the reasons I felt comfortable with him. The next day, we parted away and I thought he would not wanna meet me again because I didn't have sex and I'm not that interested in him at first time.
After that, he sometimes sent messages to me, and after a few weeks later, he said me he likes me and wanted to hang out again but he couldn't have relationship with me since he had to leave Korea later, and he doesn't think LDR is work out. since then, we had been sharing our daily lives via Snapchat everyday and he seemed to care about me, but we couldn't hang out until March since our fist date in January because he had been busy for work and he went back to America for holidays almost for a month.
Finally, we met in the end of March, recently, and we promised to meet at a train station around 5:30 pm. I went to a new city for the first time in my life, and so I got lost in the train station, I became late for a date and met him at 6 pm. I felt sorry for him for being late.
Our date plan is to take an air balloon flight at first day, and to go to an amusement park next day, but I had to cancel air balloon flight because of inclement weather.
Originally, we planned to go to a nice restaurant, which takes a few days for me to find out information about restaurants, but he said he ate dinner already, which I felt embarrassing. At first time, I thought he ate dinner earlier, waiting for me but I found out that he ate dinner at 5pm, even though we were supposed to meet at 5:30pm. I asked him why you ate eat dinner before I'm arriving and he said that he ate dinner because he felt so hungry.
Anyways, since I became late, I could understand him about that. He said if I wanna go to restaurant, he can go with me, but he didn't wanna eat anything. since I don't wanna eat alone at a nice restaurant, and he promised me to go to restaurants tomorrow morning and lunch, we went to hotel right away. As soon as we arrived at a hotel, he tried to have sex with me though I wanted to watch a movie and talk with him and doing it later.
Actually, in the past, he asked me If I'm really virgin and I said yes. He asked me if I have any experience of masturbation, and I said I have never been masturbated myself since I don't think it's hygienic to my vagina.
At first date, he dine out at a nice restaurant, and after arriving hotel, we watched movie and saw tiktok together, and he didn't try to sex as soon as possible but this time was different, but this time, he put his hand in my inner wear right away, and tried to take off my pants, which I felt comfortable. When he touched my lower body, touching near my vagina, I felt more likely painful than feeling good though he tried to do it gently and go slower. Though he is quite experienced, he seemed to not find my vagina since it's my first time. Though I said I would have sex with him, I felt insecure and not ready, so I couldn't have sex with him(PIV sex) though I helped him to ejaculate by hand.
Before a date, he asked if I would ever shave down, and I heard shaving down is socially norm in his country, so I did Brazilian waxing for hygiene and it felt so painful, and I tried to make an effort to have sex with him this time. But he seemed to not feel good about it, and said If I would not have sex with him, we don't need to come hotel and rather go to an amusement park right away, Actually, I'm afraid that he would not go to an amusement park if I didn't agree to have sex, and I just like to be with him. unlike last time, when he held my hands and kissed on my forehead while sleeping, he said he felt tired and wanted to sleep since he slept 9 pm to 2 am last night. I asked him why didn't sleep last night and he said he just couldn't sleep. He asked me to turn off light at 9pm since we met at 6pm , and I had to eat dinner alone in a dark room, relying on TV light, which I didn't feel comfortable, and I wondered if he didn't go out with me, why he dated with me.
although he made a reservation the hotel, where he had been before, I didn't know this hotel has almost no privacy like there's only transparent curtain between bedroom and bathroom, and I don't feel comfortable about taking shower and using bathroom.
And things happened. When I took a shower, I found out some kinds of trouble near my groin, and I became panicked because I rarely get any skin troubles near my groin and he did oral to me, which I didn't ask to him, so I suspected it might be some kinds of std like herpes.
since I have sensitive skin, and I knew that HSV2 type has no cure, I became so insecure and woke him up in the middle of showering, and asked to him about his past history of sex. He said he had sex 20 times in his life with 5 partners and he had never experienced any outbreak in his life. I showed him my body and he said it's not big deal and it might be just skin irritating. After that, I googled and looked that part under the bright light on bed, and he asked me if I'm ok.
I know it could be not considerate for him about asking std and If I would so worried a lot, them I would not have any sexual intimacy with him. Though I didn't ask him oral to me, but somehow it happened and I was so confused at that time.
Anyways, he fell asleep again, but I didn't wanna spend that night just sleeping without watching movies or talking, and I tried to wake him up like lying on his body or touched his body, and played some planks on him. I admitted that I behaved like a child who wanted to get attention, and he said he just wanna sleep.
And I tried to sleep, but his phone had been kept alarming from Snapchat in the middle of night, and I felt weird and checked his phone. Though I didn't know his passwords, I could see Snapchat notifications in the screen and I found out those messages were from a variety of girls, at least 5 girls.
Though I assume that he might be talking with other girls, I didn't expect as much and I lose my control. At first time, I tried to ask him calmly why they are, but it felt like he ignored my word intentionally, and all this situation seems like he didn't respect me. Finally, I loud my voice to him and firmly said I'm so uncomfortable about it and asked him to explain who they are. he said they are just friends like that in America, and the reason he kept sending messages to me is due to time difference.
And when I asked him if he is using other dating apps, he said yes, and he is different from what I expected. Before that night, I had never asked him about other girls, since I believed what he said that he likes me.
in the next morning around 7 am, he woke up and said to me that he didn't feel good about last night. He felt like I woke him up at least 10 times, and I cried a few times and he said he didn't understand me and he felt like it's crazy. He said he is not in the mood of going to an amusement park today, and just wanted to leave after eating breakfast. I apologized him about it and said I felt so insecure and unstable yesterday since he didn't eat out with me, do nothing with me, and just kept sleeping from 9 am. But he seemed to be cold. I asked him if he doesn't like me anymore, and he said he doesn't like me as much. I asked him if he doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore, and he said he wanna go to amusement park with me maybe another time, but he is not in the mood of going there today. And he left hotel.
But after 10 minutes he left, I heard that someone knocking on the door hardly, and it's him. He said the reason he came back to hotel is he couldn't get a taxi, so he had to wait a bus. it seems like he didn't take a public transportation easily, so I decided to go to train station together with him. But I'm not sure how he felt about me. Because he hold my hands while going to the train station. And we went to a cafe, and he didn't say anything, just eating quickly and left, leaving me alone at a cafe.
I felt regret about last night, losing cool and waking him up a lot, and even though I felt uncomfortable about him, I should have asked him early in the next morning or just don't hang out with him next time, but I became emotional and I couldn't control my feelings since I became liked him for over time. I just wanna go to an amusement park with him and have a good time.
But I got hurts a lot from him since he seemed to not care about me at all unlike first date.
Actually, I got a skin disease after meeting him on first date since he kept smoking before me and touched my body without cleaning hands, and I had to get treatments in a hospital for a few months to be healed, but I didn't tell him about him since he didn't meant to it. And before he leaving me, I talked about him that I was sick but he just saw me with a blank look, and reacted like it's none of his business. he just said 'so what? you got cured right now and that's all'.
After he went to his place, he sent me messages that he arrived, and since then, we haven't talked so far.
Although he said he likes me, I'm not sure.
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((( Paypal, Marketable items, TF2 Keys, Old CC sets, Arcanas ))) are acceptable.
IF YOU BUY MORE THAN 2 SETS I WILL CONSIDER DISCOUNT!!
Prices are NEGOTIABLE!!
- Add my steam and comment what you want or wait me to text you.
- The set(s) you reserve will be delivered in 30 days once we added as Steam friends. (This is due Steam Trading Policies for new friends, not by ME)
Steam profile : https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199165781867
Collector's cache I :

Hero	Set	Quantity	Price	Reserved
Primalbeast	Dark behemoth	1	20$
Invoker	Angel of vex	1	15$
Hoodwink	Shadowleaf insurgent	2	4$
Riki	Scarlet subversion	2	4$
Snapfire	Whippersnapper	1	4$
Chen	Hounds of obsession	1	2.5$
Dawnbreaker	Starlorn adjudicator	1	4$	1RESERVED
Ursa	Trophies of the hallowed hunt	2	4$
Phoenix	Crimson dawn	1	2.5$
Terrorblade	Forgotten station	1	4$
Undying	Dirge amplifier	1	2.5$
Monkey king	Champion of the fire lotus	1	2.5$

Collector's cache II :

Hero	Set	Quantity	Price	Reserved
Anti mage	Brands of the reaper	3	10$
Treant protector	Grudges of the gallows tree	1	6$
Legion commander	Bird of prey	1	4$	1RESERVED
Silencer	Grand suppressor	2	3$	1RESERVED
Alchemist	Darkbrew's transgression	1	3$
Oracle	Transcendent path	1	3$
Brewmaster	The wilding tiger	2	3$
Doom	Dawn of the darkness foretold	1	3$
Pudge	Cursed cryptbreaker	1	4$
Night stalker	Feasts of forever	1	4$
Phantom assassin	Darkfeather factioneer	1	4$
Clinkz	Withering pain	1	3$
Ogre magi	Freeboot fortunes	1	2.5$
Vengeful spirit	Acrimonies of obsession	1	3$	1RESERVED
Huskar	Scareed chamber guardian	1	4$
Techies	War rig eradicators	1	2.5$

Battlepass 2022 :

Hero	Set	Quantity	Price	Reserved
Medusa	Jewels of anamnessa	1	3$
Death prophet	Oath of the beloved	1	1$
Razor	Heinous exultation	1	1$

I see not as much talk about organizers as backpacks or clothes or other things. However, a very wide array of what people use, from nothing to pencil cases to 500 dollar compartments with 4324 zippers.
I'm planning on a few months backpacking from hostels to hostels (my tentative list), but am conflicted on what exactly to get for organizers.
I see Cheap things like this whitelabeled on amazon, but the fact that it is sold as 10 different names from 10 different companies makes me think it might be a cheap piece of crap that will fall apart.
Things like the Osprey roll toiletry bag look nice, but that very well may be heavy or overkill.
Some things that have entire blog posts look like nothing more than glorified ziplock bags which might be a pain to deal with.
What are your favorite tech or toiletry organizer bags? What do you all use?

Does anyone have tips/tricks for sleeping through the night? I wake up anywhere around 2-4 am due to pain (primarily in shoulders, elbows, and wrists) and am awake for several hours until I get up for work at 6. I’m a side sleeper so I’m not sure what to do to keep pain away. Pillows? Weighted blanket? Started HCQ on 3/17 (had to wait for insurance approval). Taking 10 mg prednisone daily for 2 weeks and it has helped reduce pain slightly along with edema. I’m also taking 1000 mg of Tylenol 3x daily to try and avoid increasing prednisone. The fatigue is bad enough and not getting enough sleep is making it worse 😞

About eight months after my surgery, I started having knee problems that I later found out were caused by adhesions of the patellar tendon to the fat pad following inflammation after surgery. I had a Hydro dissection procedure to help to break the scar tissue and that helped a lot with my range of motion for squats. That was in January. I just did another one on March 10. My range of motion improved slightly more but my knee is still clicking so much when I do motions like donkey kicks or bicycle crunches or deep squats. And if I just let it click, which the Hydro dissection doctor told me to do if it doesn't cause pain, then I get a lot of inflammation that evening and the next day in my knee. The Hydro dissection doctor said that the clicking will not go away when I do additional surgery like arthroscopic scar removal. Has anyone had the experience of dealing with this?

When my daughter had a stroke, I kept a journal. From that grew a book sharing the many lessons we learned. Now, with the hope to inspire others, our stories are available in a book. Below is the Table of Contents. If you are interested, it is available on Amazon Kindle for $3.00.
Introduction: My Daughter Had a Stroke
Shares what initiated the stories.
Chapter 1: Take Care of Yourself or Let Someone Take Care of You
Relays the difficulty of asking for help.
Chapter 2: Fulfill the Need - Unite science and practice to promote health
Lists strategies to support the patient.
Chapter 3: Every New Endeavor Requires a First Step
Reminds us that recovery takes time.
Chapter 4: A Survival Strategy for Trauma - Laugh
Communicates the power of humor.
Chapter 5: Supporting Others Provides Strength
Informs the power of compassion to prompt healing.
Chapter 6: Medical Issues Require Fact Finding
Encourages patients and caregivers to ask questions
Chapter 7: Breaking the Rules Empowers Patients
Proves that healing demands the opportunity to fight your own way.
Chapter 8: Not All Strokes Are the Same
Recognizes there is no one way to address health concerns.
Chapter 9: Accepting the Unacceptable
Stresses that accepting the pain is the first step to healing.
Chapter 10: When I Wanted to Curl-up and Die, I Learned Resilience
Reveals emotional pain debilitates but can be overcome.
Chapter 11: Life’s Journeys are Easier Shared
Asserts that no one person should shoulder all responsibility.
Chapter 12: Make It Happen with a Can-do Attitude
Reinforces the importance of accepting each day.
Chapter 13: You Are Not Alone - Find your community
Offers suggestions for support groups.
Chapter 14: Aphasia Shouldn’t Stop Communication
Explains the communication process and why it is important during crises.
Chapter 15: Celebrating Life Provides Energy to Begin a New Day
Stresses the benefits of recording simple triumphs as wins.
Chapter 16: Discover the Cathartic Power of the Written Word
Encourages writing to understand and share life’s moments.
Chapter 17: Letting it Go is the First Step of Acceptance
Suggests we allow the bad to float away and embrace dreams.
Chapter 18: When It Feels Like You May Drown, Just Keep Swimming
Demonstrates that life opens small air pockets for survival.
Chapter 19: We are All Misfits Looking for Our Tribe
Teaches us to accept self by making space for others.
Epilogue: We Carry Our Scars
Highlights the importance of embracing the past.
https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Power-Not-Yet-Challenges-ebook/dp/B0BPDV687V/ref=sr_1_1?crid=HFV1N6Z14H8Y&keywords=book+by+brenda+mahler&qid=1679946032&sprefix=book+by+brenda+mahler%2Caps%2C570&sr=8-1

The only Skylanders game to be released at steam and free to play. As of Season 2, a download is required when playing as a character for the first time.
Season 1:
Wave 1 (SA's Day 1)

• Spyro
• Gill Grunt
• Trigger Happy
• Prism Break
• Boomer
• Voodood
• Terrafin
• Ghost Roaster
• Zap
• Prism Break
• Bash
• Sonic Boom
• Drobot
• Stealth Elf
• Stump Smash
• Chop Chop
• Eruptor
• Flameslinger
• Boomer
• Voodood
• Drill Sergeant
• Whirlwind

Wave 2 (November 2011)

• Wrecking Ball
• Hex
• Dino-Rang

Wave 3 (January 2012)

• Double Trouble
• Cynder
• Slam Bam

Wave 4 (late March 2012)

• Sunburn
• Zook
• Lightning Rod
• Ignitor
• Spyro (dark)

Wave 5 (April 2012)

• Camo
• Warnado
• Wham-Shell

Season 2
Wave 1 (SG's Day 1)

• Tree Rex
• Shroomboom
• Jet-Vac
• Bouncer
• Swarm
• Crusher
• Pop Fizz
• Fright Rider
• Chill
• Drobot (LightCore)
• Eruptor (LightCore)
• Prism Break (LightCore)

Wave 2 (November 2012)

• Hot Head
• Flashwing
• Sprocket
• Jet-Vac (LightCore)

Wave 3 (January 2013)

• Hot Dog
• Eye-Brawl
• Thumpback
• Shroomboom (LightCore)

Wave 4 (late February 2013)

• Ninjini
• Flashwing (Jade)

Wave 5 (May 2013-Season 3)

1. Ninjini (Scarlet)
2. Chill (LightCore)
3. Pop Fizz (LightCore)
4. Whirlwind (Polar)
5. Hex (LightCore)
6. Tree Rex (Gnarly)
7. Pop Fizz (Punch)
8. Eye-Brawl (Pumpkin)

Season 3
Wave 1 (SF day 1)

• Blast Zone
• Wash Buckler
• Rattle Shake
• Free Ranger
• Eruptor (Volcanic Lava Barf)
• Pop Thorn
• Bumble Blast
• Zoo Lou
• Magna Charge
• Rattle Shake
• Hoot Loop
• Free Ranger
• Countdown
• Roller Brawl
• Slobber Tooth
• Zoo Lou
• Chill (Blizzard)
• Eruptor (Lava Barf)
• Pop Fizz (Super Gulp)
• Spyro (Mega Ram)
• Flashwing (Lightcore)
• Grim Creeper (Lightcore)
• Smolderdash (Lightcore)
• Star Strike (Lightcore)
• Stealth Elf (Ninja)
• Warnado (Lightcore)

Wave 2 (SF Day 2)

• Boom Jet
• Fire Kraken
• Grilla Drilla
• Night Shift
• Rip Tide
• Scorp
• Star Strike
• Chop Chop (Twin Blade)
• Gill Grunt (Anchors Away)
• Sprocket (Heavy Duty)
• Terrafin (Knockout)
• Trigger Happy (Big Bang)

Wave 3

• Wind-Up
• Grim Creeper
• Camo (Thorn Horn)
• Rubble Rouser
• Spy Rise
• Stink Bomb
• Dune Bug
• Smolderdash
• Cynder (Phantom)
• Prism Break (Hyper Beam)
• Whirlwind (Horn Blast)
• Countdown (Lightcore)
• Wham-Shell (Lightcore)

Wave 4 (March 2014)

• Freeze Blade
• Trap Shadow
• Fryno
• Scratch
• Hot Dog (Fire Bone)
• Jet-Vac (Turbo)
• Fryno
• Punk Shock
• Trigger Happy (Springtime Big Bang)

Wave 5 (April 2014)

• Doom Stone
• Fire Kraken (Jade)
• Bumble Blast (Lightcore)
• Countdown (Kickoff)

Season 4
Wave 1

• Snap Shot
• Food Fight
• Snap Shot (Dark)
• Food Fight (Dark)
• Wildfire (Dark)
• Spry
• Mini Jini
• Hijinx
• Eye Small
• Drobit
• Trigger Snappy
• Bop
• Terrabite
• Gill Grunt (Tidal Wave)
• Jawbreaker
• Krypt King
• Gusto
• Wallop
• Wildfire
• Gearshift
• Chopper
• Funny Bone
• Torch
• Shroomboom (Sure Shot)

Wave 2

• Bushwhack
• Head Rush
• Lob-Star
• Fist Bump
• Tread Head
• Jet-Vac (Full Blast)
• Pop Fizz (Fizzy Frenzy)
• Fryno (Hog Wild)

Wave 3

• Knight Light
• Knight Mare
• Small Fry
• Weeruptor
• Gill Runt
• Thumpling
• Blastermind
• Ka-Boom
• Tuff Luck
• Bat Spin
• Cobra Cadabra
• High Five
• Trail Blazer

Wave 4

• Breeze
• Pet-Vac
• Whisper Elf
• Barkley
• Short Cut
• Thunderbolt
• Blackout
• Echo
• Rocky Roll
• Spotlight
• Pop Fizz (Love Potion Fizzy Frenzy)
• Weeruptor (Eggsellent)
• Pet-Vac (Power Punch/Full Blast)

Wave 5

• Enigma
• Fling Kong
• Flip Wreck
• Barkley (Gnarly)
• Cobra Cadabra (King)

Year 5
Wave 1

• Super Shot Stealth Elf
• Spitfire
• Gill Grunt (Deep Dive)
• Terrafin (Shark Shooter)
• Jet-Vac (Hurricane)
• Dive-Clops
• Fiesta
• Stormblade

Wave 2

• High Volt
• Nightfall
• Smash Hit

Wave 3

• Splat
• Dive-Clops (Missile-Tow)
• Eruptor (Lava Lance)
• Pop Fizz (Big Bubble)

Wave 4

• Astroblast
• Roller Brawl (Bone Bash)
• Trigger Happy (Double Dare)

Wave 5

• Thrillipede
• Dive-Clops (Spring Ahead) (Digital exclusive)

Season 6
Wave 1

• King Pen
• Golden Queen
• Dr. Neo Cortex
• Crash Bandicoot
• Air Strike
• Mysticat
• Wolfgang
• Ambush
• Barbella
• Chompy Mage
• Chopscotch
• Dr. Krankcase
• Kao
• Tae Kwon Crow
• Wolfgang

Wave 2

• Aurora
• Ember
• Mysticat
• Starcast
• Tri-Tip
• Hood Sickle

Wave 3

• Boom Bloom
• Dr. Krankcase
• Pain-Yatta
• Buckshot
• Chain Reaction
• Flare Wolf
• Pit Boss
• Bad Juju
• Chompy Mage (Jingle Bell)

Wave 4

• Egg Bomber Air Strike
• Hard-Boiled Flare Wolf
• Grave Clobber
• Wild Storm

Wave 5

• Ro-Bow
• Tidepool
• Blaster-Tron

Total:

1. - Spyro
2. - Gill Grunt
3. - Trigger Happy
4. - Prism Break
5. - Boomer
6. - Voodood
7. - Terrafin
8. - Ghost Roaster
9. - Zap
10. - Prism Break
11. - Bash
12. - Sonic Boom
13. - Drobot
14. - Stealth Elf
15. - Stump Smash
16. - Chop Chop
17. - Eruptor
18. - Flameslinger
19. - Boomer
20. - Voodood
21. - Drill Sergeant
22. - Whirlwind
23. - Wrecking Ball
24. - Hex
25. - Dino-Rang
26. - Double Trouble
27. - Cynder
28. - Slam Bam
29. - Sunburn
30. - Zook
31. - Lightning Rod
32. - Ignitor
33. - Camo
34. - Warnado
35. - Wham-Shell
36. - Tree Rex
37. - Shroomboom
38. - Jet-Vac
39. - Bouncer
40. - Swarm
41. - Crusher
42. - Pop Fizz
43. - Fright Rider
44. - Chill
45. - Hot Head
46. - Flashwing
47. - Sprocket
48. - Hot Dog
49. - Eye-Brawl
50. - Thumpback
51. - Ninjini
52. - Blast Zone
53. - Wash Buckler
54. - Rattle Shake
55. - Free Ranger
56. - Pop Thorn
57. - Bumble Blast
58. - Zoo Lou
59. - Magna Charge
60. - Rattle Shake
61. - Hoot Loop
62. - Free Ranger
63. - Countdown
64. - Roller Brawl
65. - Slobber Tooth
66. - Zoo Lou
67. - Boom Jet
68. - Fire Kraken
69. - Grilla Drilla
70. - Night Shift
71. - Rip Tide
72. - Scorp
73. - Star Strike
74. - Wind-Up
75. - Grim Creeper
76. - Rubble Rouser
77. - Spy Rise
78. - Stink Bomb
79. - Dune Bug
80. - Smolderdash
81. - Freeze Blade
82. - Trap Shadow
83. - Fryno
84. - Scratch
85. - Fryno
86. - Punk Shock
87. - Doom Stone
88. - Snap Shot
89. - Food Fight
90. - Spry
91. - Mini Jini
92. - Hijinx
93. - Eye Small
94. - Drobit
95. - Trigger Snappy
96. - Bop
97. - Terrabite
98. - Jawbreaker
99. - Krypt King
100. - Gusto
101. - Wallop
102. - Wildfire
103. - Gearshift
104. - Chopper
105. - Funny Bone
106. - Torch
107. - Bushwhack
108. - Head Rush
109. - Lob-Star
110. - Fist Bump
111. - Tread Head
112. - Knight Light
113. - Knight Mare
114. - Small Fry
115. - Weeruptor
116. - Gill Runt
117. - Thumpling
118. - Blastermind
119. - Ka-Boom
120. - Tuff Luck
121. - Bat Spin
122. - Cobra Cadabra
123. - High Five
124. - Trail Blazer
125. - Breeze
126. - Pet-Vac
127. - Whisper Elf
128. - Barkley
129. - Short Cut
130. - Thunderbolt
131. - Blackout
132. - Echo
133. - Rocky Roll
134. - Spotlight
135. - Enigma
136. - Fling Kong
137. - Flip Wreck
138. - Spitfire
139. - Dive-Clops
140. - Fiesta
141. - Stormblade
142. - High Volt
143. - Nightfall
144. - Smash Hit
145. - Splat
146. - Astroblast
147. - Thrillipede
148. - King Pen
149. - Golden Queen
150. - Dr. Neo Cortex
151. - Crash Bandicoot
152. - Air Strike
153. - Mysticat
154. - Wolfgang
155. - Ambush
156. - Barbella
157. - Chompy Mage
158. - Chopscotch
159. - Dr. Krankcase
160. - Kao
161. - Tae Kwon Crow
162. - Wolfgang
163. - Aurora
164. - Ember
165. - Mysticat
166. - Starcast
167. - Tri-Tip
168. - Hood Sickle
169. - Boom Bloom
170. - Dr. Krankcase
171. - Pain-Yatta
172. - Buckshot
173. - Chain Reaction
174. - Flare Wolf
175. - Pit Boss
176. - Bad Juju
177. - Grave Clobber
178. - Wild Storm
179. - Ro-Bow
180. - Tidepool
181. - Blaster-Tron

Pinworm infection

Pinworm infection is that the most typical variety of enteral worm infection within the u. s. and one among the foremost common worldwide. Pinworms area unit skinny and white, mensuration concerning 1/4 to 1/2 in. (about vi to thirteen millimeters) long.
While the infected person sleeps, feminine pinworms lay thousands of eggs within the folds of skin encompassing the asshole. the general public infected with pinworms don't have any symptoms, however some folks expertise anal itch and restless sleep.
Pinworm infection happens most frequently in school-age kids, and therefore the small (microscopic) eggs area unit simply unfold from kid to kid. Treatment involves oral medication that kill the pinworms and thorough laundry of pajamas, bedding and undergarment. For best results, the whole family ought to be treated.
Pinworm infection

Symptoms

Symptoms of nematode worm infection might include:
• Itching of the anal or canal space
• Insomnia,
• Irritability,
• teeth grinding and restlessness
• Occasional abdomen pain and nausea
• Pinworms usually cause no symptoms.

Compared to others I have a very light form. But still I can relate to a lot of things you guys tell about. I wish you all the best. And just wanted to share my story. Maybe it helps someone.
Beside that I want to know who got similar migraines. I had my first migraine at 17 of age. I was scared as hell since I have very strong auras. I'm losing my feeling in the hands, I see these weird shapes, sometimes I can't read anymore because half of my field of view get losed and also I get balance problems or even problems with speaking. After 20 minutes everything is normal and after 10 minutes more I get light pain and nausea for round about 12h. Usally I get migraines only a few times a year.
And the almost exclusive trigger is stress relief after a long period of stress. Always great working hard the whole week and getting migraine one the weekend.

All you suffering out there? I want you to realize how easy GA meetings are on the website you just look for a zoom meeting in your town or your old town or something in a time zone that's convenient to you and join the zoom meeting. It's as easy as that just listen and talk as much or as little as you want. I've been trying to quit for 10 years and I never wanted to do a GA meeting because of shame and wanting to try to quit on my own. I'm really grateful I did it this time around. I've been going for two months and I really love it. It helps me a lot. It feels my gambling brain with the company of other gambling brains! We're smart and aware of this illness more than a doctor is. Their words can carry you through the week til the next meeting. Or you can go to a meeting multiple times to relieve your immediate pain. There's many reasons these meetings work, you'll figure out why on your own. Some don't go back because they're still not ready, but you might be. It's worth it to try because you know, addictions bring you hell on earth. No matter how bad it gets, it gets worse if not fixed, suicide seems like an escape from the mental hell this gambling creates.

Is anybody still having those growing pains in uterus at 10 weeks or later? Like the crampy, pressure, sometimes sharp pains associated with the uterus expanding? Is this normal still at 10 weeks?

So when I started the open beta this last weekend I played as a necro first, breezed through most areas and some had a challenge but not impossible. Got to 25 and had a fun time.
Now when my buddy started a barbarian I decided to go with a Rouge to run with him, each have a bit of a challenge... no. We were both painfully weak and it wasn't until another friend playing wizard asked if I could use a weapon he found that it clicked. I was lvl14 and the bow he gave me was level 8 but had 3x the damage on it. I switched back to my necro and sure enough his highest gear was 15. The equipment is dropping too slow to keep up with our (and the enemies) levels. I used that lvl 8 bow at 14 and mowed down enemies.
Since mage classes don't care about the weapon (it's just a Stat stick) and melee classes do, that's why they feel underpowered. You can hit 25 before getting a level 10 weapon. I haven't seen anyone bring this up yet so I thought I would.

With the customization and individually of each character now that is adding to connection and immersion of that character and the player.... WHY do they still plan on us making new characters constantly?
If each season we are to remake a character constantly doing the character customization is going to get to the point where it's redundant it doesn't matter I have no connection to an individual character anyways what am I going to remake the same character over and over and have 10 rogues on my character list because I've gone through?
Plenty of other games have figured out how to do seasonal content or have seasonal power without you having to constantly remake your characters....
I know there are those that really like the leveling in this game specifically just the leveling but couldn't you separate the season into two different seasonal realms? How you have hardcore seasonal and regular seasonal could you do hardcore seasonal regular season on leveling seasonal?
It's going to be a pain in the ass to go through and click the little statues every single season over and over and over again I only want to do it once.
I want five characters one for each class one I can work on or play through a different season on and once I have them all leveled up I want them to stay all leveled up and I would like the seasonal content to just introduce new things new sets or like a seasonal power artifact I have to level up that goes away when the season goes away like destiny.
Tldr - seasonally recreating characters over and over is going to make the character creation and your connection to it and all the little things exploratively that you do in the world to be really redundant and annoying.

Hi everyone! I’m a 29 year old advanced beginner knitter, I’ve been at it for 1.5 years. I crocheted for some time before I picked up knitting.
I’ve never had any wrist pain until recently. I’m taking all of your advice and not knitting for a while, but I have to wonder what could have triggered this. I wasn’t knitting significantly more than usual.
I was working with a new yarn.. Purl Soho cotton pure. I have never knit with 100% cotton before and I found myself having adjust my grip a lot to keep tension. Also, I was working a flat piece, and I typically work in the round to avoid so much purling.
Anyone else find that specific knitting stitches/techniques or yarn type will trigger pain?

I remember this day very clearly. Because it involved my aunt coming into town. There was little but unfiltered rage and anger from that woman directed at me for most of my life. Diluted with intense shows of affection and displays of love. The human existence is one of many layers. That is how trauma bonds work. That is how multi generational families full of abused children turned into narcissistic predators work.
I was squatted on the couch. The light brown crushed velvet/corduroy couch that i would rub the different textured lines of to sooth and calm myself to sleep.
I loved those couches. Always comfortable and always able to accommodate far too many people. The perfect height to align the table against to build a bigger bed..... to catch me from my nightmares that had me flailing and screaming...... and most importantly to give me space from someone coming up and touching me.
I was 5ish. Based on pictures of me, memories of myself wearing the yellow shirt. I rarely wore pants still. Actually, still, to this day. I prefer to be pants free. It's warranted rules for the kids returning home with friends unannounced..... and is joked about in our home now.
I wore panties. Too big.... because i, like all of us, am physiology changed. Moist. Wet. Dripping always. Id go through too many pairs of well fitting panties, soaked through. The air flow required. The easy access to myself, needed.
At different points in my healing, I have been able to normalize my body. It went hand in hand with being able to turn off the lighthouse of sexual, young and hungry loin listful searching energy.... that pulse we do. That same pulse that has dogs rockets popping when we are near. I am truly sorry for those of you who know this. But that pulse, that tingling we constantly have.... it can be refocused. Our bodies can be in our control, as intended. The dogs can be pet without their attempting to mount. I promise you this. This is possible. I am in this, for years now. And of course, when that pulse, when the urges, the NEED hits.... the dogs feel it.... revalidating the layers.of healing snd reminding myself of what i need to do again to be in control of my own body again. Sit with the new painful memories..... feel them. Integrate them and heal.
I re read these.... to myself. I talk to myself. The pieces lecturing me into growth.
It all hits us though. That shared consciousness. You feel what i feel..... however worked through your own experiences.
Its not just me writing, knowing people see. Its to myself. For me to see.
I follow these trains, the tracks winding..... wherever they go, no longer fighting.
My journey, my blessings.
The couch..... the squat. Auntie. The blonde, curvy, mouthy bitch with the most fierce heart and passionate soul.
It was Uncle Randy whom she married.
It was her pussy i ....woke up.
It was her, who i first told the whole story to.... fripping blood, the house destroyed, the cat mangled..... insisting i asked him to touch me first - to which i did.
He stood there. She stood there. I between them, standijg on the couch. Her fresh to the scene the cats mangled yowls alerting her, despite my insisent screaming for millions of moments before.
Back to the couch....in the living room at my grammas.
My mother and grandmother smoking, drinking coffee in the kitchen at the big.round table with the super awesome swivel chairs.
These details are important for me.
So many mixed emotions.... the furniture always present, explanatory. These memories get stored into things.... its why i have had so many pieces of furniture.... i sit on a couch, i remember every time i sat on the couch. Remove the trigger, silence the screams for a time.... of course they build louder the deeper they go, more frantic for release.
I was watching tv. No foster kids were in the room. Maybe not even in the house. Im not sure.
At my own home, before we moved here, and at my grandparents home from my father, we were all encouraged to masturbate. Publicly.
She was there. Living five units away!!! Sexually benefiting from my own terrors from the men who had us both. Financially benefiting. THAT BITCH ATE MY BACON!!! LITERALLY. FUCKING CUNT.
Ive only been eating bacon again for four years. Since the TBI, since the vault doors swung open rebealing the faces that the fuzzy faces wore in my mind.
She came into the room. I in my hands on squat, easy accessed with the loose panties.
Hi Auntie!
The words she used. The anger and rage she hurled at myself.
I WAS ONLY DOING WHAT I WAS RAISED AND ENCOURAGED AND NEVER BEFORE TOLD NOT TO DO.
Homewrecker. Whore. Cunt. Dirty.
The competition that was always thrown at me..... a toddler. Their husbands dirty deeds.... repulsed them and caused them to hate me. Stab me. Beat me. Starve and poison me.
All under the guise of a happy, healthy home full of successful helpers and professionals.
I did live in chaos, but my appearances..... fun and happy supportive family.
The trust..... i trust myself. Its now irrelevant if others are trustworthy. because i am. I have my own back. I lead by example. I fight for myself. Kindly. Gently. Again, i lead this. This is my life. I need gentle. I am gentle. I need flexible. I am flexible.
When i start going off on others not meeting my needs..... it is because i am guilty of the same behaviours.
I get ghosted, because i ghosted.
I feel unheard, because i am not listening. Etc.
I keep rewriting my self worth.
I trust myself. Now.... do i respect myself? I am working on that. I felt disrespected..... so i started respecting myself by honouring i am allowed to have a voice. I am allowed to speak. My words hold value, more than any uses of my body or mind.
I refer to my family using my.mind sometimes....
I run businesses. I always have. Business school on scholarship during the summer from grade 10-11. We are all capable of surpassing our environment. Houseplants need to be repotted.
Shattering offered so many opportunities for excelling.... the mind never stops.
The very fact i was called a homewrecker..... validates their knowledge in a very peaceful way.
Im going to go roll a few joints and charge the phone up. Its time to find another tree to climb at the river.