Kesler funeral home booneville ms obituaries
How can this feel worse?
2023.03.21 15:36 SSBMeteo00 How can this feel worse?
My spouse of over 10+ years decided to leave me roughly 2 months ago. I moved out of our home within a week. During that period we went from being together, to her ending it but us talking about giving it some time and then getting back together (once we sorted out our issues), to by the end of the week her stating she felt she couldn't have someone like me in her life and that this was a permanent goodbye.
We were in couple's counseling for nearly a year before the break, and during that time I realized that my relationship with her was codependant. I idolized her and based my self worth and 'goodness' on her happiness and approval of me. And when she was unhappy, and in particular when she stated she was unhappy because of me, for me there was no greater sin.
The break has been very tough for me. The first week after moving out was bad enough that my psychiatrist stated that they couldn't help me enough and instead recommended an IOP. I did sign up for, but was wait listed... so instead I just had to wait.
Thankfully, I had my own therapist, and we were able to increase our session to multiple times a week. The sessions helped so much and after about a month I was at least at what I would call a 'neutral' state. (Where after the break, I was at an extremely negative state). We (my therapist and I) have even discussed how IOP may be a bit much for me at this point and I have once again applied to 'standard' psychiatry sessions (wait listed for that too...)
So this is what I am actually writing this for. I think about how low I was, and how I still feel to this very day. I don't go a single day without thinking about my spouse. Missing her, wanting her, and just feeling empty inside.
I am able to 'function' in my daily life (for the most part). I go to work, I am able to eat regularly, and I even have started hanging out with my friends and picking up hobbies that I once enjoyed (the latter parts being things that I didn't do while in our relationship).
However, as I've discussed with my therapist, the best I can get in my life right now is just a 'neutral' state. There just isn't any sustainable joy. I am able to enjoy things in the moment, but they are fleeting, and things just turn back to a colorless gray afterwards. She (my spouse) is gone, and she was what gave my things color.
Then I started to think about how hopeless I feel, and it made me think back to the only other 'traumatic' event in my life. That was when my grandfather passed away (roughly 20 years ago). He was the father figure in my life (as my actual father wasn't in the picture), and he was (and still is) a key person in my life. I looked up to him and I feel that my 'best' qualities are directly as a result of him and how he helped raise me.
And I still remember how sad I felt when he started to get sick (MS), and how hard it was to watch him wither in the last few years. I still remember the moment I got the call from my mother letting me know that he was passing, and me rushing to his house to sit beside his bed. I remember all the pain, sorrow, and grief of watching this person I love so much go away. I remember waiting outside his room, and my mother coming out and saying 'he gone', and all the paralyzing grief at that moment. I remember his funeral, and thinking about all the things I loved about him but still being sad because he was gone. And to this day, I still keep the card from his funeral one my desk. And the days and months following that, I would think about him and be sad.
But through all of that grief, the one thing I do not remember: colorlessness, joylessness.
I don't remember every day, even months later, feeling hollow and empty. I remember feeling sorrow, but still being able to feel joy.
How is this so much worse!? Why does this feel so much worse?
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2023.03.20 12:02 InvisibleNinja69 Assist her Priest
2023.03.20 07:41 jookco Death - Obituary : rest tomorrow at his ancestral home in Iganga district. The funeral service will be held at St. Peter's Anglican Church, Iganga at 10am. Friends and family are welcome to attend and pay their respects to the late Mr. Henry.
2023.03.20 05:48 MrsCowart1019 Aitah for not going to live with my sons farther (ex husband) to help him with my son younger brothers?
So I married my son’s father Jan 2010 found out I was pregnant on the 26th and a month later my husband went to prison. While he was in prison I did everything I could for him. I got him a really good lawyer sent him money, sent a letter in the mail every single day also put tons of money on the phone to talk to him 2 to 3 times a day. After my son was born I stopped doing as much for him. My money went to my baby. Sorry this story is long but I need to get my story out there. My husband came home after my son turned a yr old but guess what? He came home to another female. Anyways when my son turned 3 he went backed to prison and he got out when my son turned 5. At this time I done had two more kids. My last daughter I got hooked on pain meds. I lost everything. My home my car everything. I didn’t want to drag my kids through hell with me so I let my babies go live with their fathers until I got my shit together. It took me 5 months to get myself clean but it took me years to get on my feet. I had no family to help so I did it all on my own. My ex husband married the girl he left me for and took my son from me. We had joint custody and not once did they let me get my son. Had him calling her momma. They never gave me a chance to show them I was the mother I once was. I only got to see my son if I had money to spend. They kept him from me for 6 years. My son father ended up divorcing his wife and moved away to Georgia with my child. He finally aloud me to talk with him. I started talking to my son in November of 2021. I called my baby everyday and talked for hrs on the phone. It was the best feeling in the world. They started letting me meet them in Alabama every 2 weeks when his dad met up with his ex wife to switch out kids. I would drive 4 hrs one way to see my baby for 30 mins. I wasn’t going to miss it. Finally in February on his little break from school I got to drive to Georgia to pick him up for a week. Was the best day of my life being able for the first time in 6years being able to take my son. I brought him back the next week. Hated to leave. He was going to be coming to spend his summer with me but unfortunately that was able to happen. You see on April 26 2022 I received a phone call from his daddy. My son died that day . accidental hanging. I lost my fking mind that day. I got one week with my baby in 6 fking years. I’m grateful I got that time with him but I hate my ex husband. It’s been almost a year now and I still lay awake at night and cry my eyes out. The girl his dad was with at the time ended leaving him after the funeral. And my ex husband has moved back here to Ms. I recently received a phone call from him asking me if I wanted to come move in with him to help with my son’s little brothers. Apart of me wants to because they are all I have of my son but apart of me wants to go over there and beat him to sleep. How in the world can he ask me to help with them when he wouldn’t allow me to be a mother to my son?
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2023.03.19 06:45 lulu_bee30 My family and I have a stalker. We feel as if we have tried everything but had no luck. Is there advice on anything else we can do?
My father has recently passed away last December due to cancer. Despite everything that my family and I are going through to grieve and try to continue our lives. His ex mistress is harassing and stalking my mom, my little sister (who is 15 years old btw), my brother, my boyfriend, and me. Not only is she harassing us but she got my uncle’s girlfriend who lives in the front of our house (we live in a duplex, where we live in the back and my uncle and his gf lives in the front) to become best friends with her and is now harassing us too. We have known about my father’s affair for some years now and despite my mom trying to leave each other multiple times, they never did. He finally ended it once and for all, a couple of months ago when his health got worse. When he was still alive she would just call my mom and dad from a blocked number constantly (we knew it was her though because they got an app that shows the caller ids and it shows her full name) and passed by our house from time to time. But now since he passed away, it has gotten much worse. Not only is she still calling and passing by, she is delivering unsolicited packages with dumb things like badly photoshopped pictures of us or objects (she has sent my mom a dildo for some odd reason), she has stalked and followed my sister from school to our house and followed my family and I when we’re driving out of the house (we have video proof btw), she has been cyber bullying using accounts with her actual name, she even has used her actual name to post comments on my father’s online obituary (where all our family members saw and used to post photos or comments to honor my father) and just being a bully and commenting things like that “we are not his true family”, she has access to our security cameras that my uncles gf gave to her which she admitted to (we have screenshots of photos she took of us which she had sent us through a random #) she has convinced my uncles gf to grab all our mail and give it to us either days or weeks later or sometimes has ripped or thrown our mail to the trash when we have asked for them multiple times and even confronted her about it (we have the USPS app where you can track your packages/mail), she has tried to come across as my mom when she would go to try to visit my father at the hospital (even though we alerted the security, nurses, and doctors about her), had tried to pass off as my mom and go to the bank to take out money under my father’s account (I’m pretty sure she had my father’s credit card on file) and she even showed up to my father’s funeral services. We told security about her but they didn’t do much help when she showed up with her 5 kids. They were able to get a hold of her but my uncle’s gf helped the kids sneak their way into the funeral and caused a whole scene in front of my whole family and loved ones. Trust me, we have tried everything to try to get her to leave us alone. We have gotten new cameras, we have gotten a new mailbox and even let our mailman know (but he keeps putting our mail in their mailbox), we have changed our numbers multiple times (my mom has asked her multiple times she has called what she wants from us but the mistress will either hang up or just simply bully us or call us names), we have alerted the bank about her, we have reported her twice to the police and have 2 incident reports on her and called the police when those packages arrived. My sister has talked to the counselors at her school to get some help. But no one is helping us. The police keep saying that unless there is any physical harm or she enters our property without permission there is not much we can do. We have even tried to get advice to file a restraining order but they told us we need “more proof”. We’re just so sick and tired of all this going on. And I know what you might think that we should just leave and move out of our house, but we cannot financially afford a new house or apartment right now especially since we are now paying more bills and trying to stay afloat after all the expenses we used to pay for my father’s funeral services. We simply feel so exhausted and unsafe in our own home since we are being constantly harassed and watched. We have confronted my uncle about this too and told him to stop his gf but he doesn’t do anything. It’s almost like he’s scared of her. We desperately need some advice on how to stop this once and for all, before it actually resorts to physical harm or not to sound dramatic but death. Which we believe is when the police will finally care. Please, is there any advice on what else we can do?
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2023.03.19 06:39 Odd-Psychology-4747 Spare Ch1
Chapter 1 Legal Disclaimer
Truth or lies will be the first part. Things I find interesting second for those who are interested. And My opinions/observations last. (Working on how to format this, and everything is temporary while I work through the book. I will add to it as I find more.)
Truth or Lies:
"Still, I don’t think I heard those stories until much later. Or maybe I heard them and they didn’t register. To me Balmoral was always simply Paradise."
•Harry loves Balmoral. Most of the Royals have expressed this sentiment, including Prince William about himself and Harry. I haven't found a similar direct quote from Harry, although he does mention enjoying himself their in the documentaries Diana: 7 Days, and Diana: Our Mother (47:40). I hunted up a few pictures out of curiosity. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
•Most of the royal family was there. For varying amounts of time in August, most of them leaving at the same time on the Royal yacht. https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/the-queen-with-some-other-members-of-the-royal-family-on-news-photo/829941260?phrase=Peter%20Phillips%20 https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/prince-philip-helps-his-grandaughter-princess-eugene-board-news-photo/829943388
"Actually, we’d been with Mummy weeks earlier when she first met him, in St. Tropez."
•St Tropez was the first time Dodi and Diana met. Dodi Fayed's obituary states they met at Polo match in 1986. I couldn't find any pictures, quotes or articles about this. I did find pictures of Dodi sitting three seats away from her and Prince William at a 1988 Polo
match that was sponsored by his father whom she was seated next to and conversing with. Diana and Charles attended many Polo events sponsored by Harrods and the Al-Fayad's, often with William and Harry. Diana would socialize and entertain while Charles played Polo. Dodi often played for or accompanied his father at these matches. They ran in similar social circles, and found themselves at similar charity events. And Diana's Stepmother Raine Spencer, was on the board at Harrods. She became closer to her when she split from Prince Charles. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/obituary-dodi-fayed-1237096.html https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raine_Spencer,_Countess_Spencer https://www.radiotimes.com/tv/drama/the-crown-diana-first-meet-dodi-mohamed-al-fayed/ https://youtu.be/FEgjudgEZE0 https://www.shutterstock.com/editorial/image-editorial/polo-event-guards-club-sponsored-by-mohammed-1348334a https://www.shutterstock.com/editorial/search/al-fayed-polo https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/princess-diana-windsor-polo.html?sortBy=relevant
•Harry and Prince William had only just met Dodi Fayed? See the information above
•Harry vacationed with his mother in July, and drove Jet skis Multiple pictures of this. 1 2 3
•Planned to stay for another, as they did every year. They did visit Balmoral every year. I didn't find any traditional length or specific dates. Just that it was every summer.
Multiple sources close to Diana stated she was returning to London on August 31, to meet with her boys when they returned that day to spend the final week together before school began. As well as press, and newspapers. (A few listed in the comments. Links won't let you into see the article itself unless you sign up so I screenshot them.)
In the Documentary Diana: 7 Days That Shook The World, Diana's personal chauffeur stated he was supposed to pick Diana up on August 31, 1997.
The boys returned to school on Sept. 10, 1997, but no word on whether that was when school let back in or, they began attending again. And no source lists the term dates in 1997. Upcoming term dates list the first week of September as starting dates. https://www.upi.com/Archives/1997/09/10/Young-princes-return-to-school/7865873864000/
•Been at Balmoral Castle one week. Here's where things get tricky. In Mid July Princess Diana took the boys on vacation to St. Tropez, which was cut short by the murder, and later funeral of Gianna Versace
, causing Diana to return to London with them to make the funeral in Milan on the 22nd.
"There is evidence in comments that the Princess of Wales made to friends on her return that she enjoyed this holiday. She flew back to England with her sons on Sunday 20 July 1997" - Operation Paget Report
The family usually leaves for Balmoral in August:
+Aug 1, 1997 - Charles Playing Polo in London
+Aug 2, 1997 - Charles Playing Polo in London
+Aug 4, 1997 - The Queen Mother's birthday
+Aug 7, 1997 - Royals board the Yacht for Balmoral
+Aug 11, 1997 - C/W/H arrive at Port Askaigh, Islay Isle while royals continue on yacht.
+Aug 12, 1997 - C/W/H photographed on The River Dee on Balmoral Estate https://youtu.be/2Ij8lGeKm_s
(August 12, 1997 W, C, H at balmoral)
+Aug 16, 1997 - C/W/H photographed at the Falls of Muica on Balmoral Estate
(No mention anywhere I've found of C/H from the 16th to the 30th. No pictures, news articles, nothing.)
+Aug 30, 1997 - Last call with Diana, confirmed by William in the ITV special Diana: Our Mother and Her Legacy released in 2017.
So it seemed pretty straight forward. They did their first day Photo Shoots, and enjoyed their vacation. Until I stumbled on this picture.
It's listed in several places with various dates, including August 21, 1997. Although I didn't find anything from that time publicizing it.
So I tracked Diana to see if she was even in London:
+Aug 1-7, 1997 - "on Thursday 31 July 1997 they flew to Nice and holidayed together on the French and Italian Riviera aboard Mohamed Al Fayed’s yacht, the ‘Jonikal’. It was during this trip that the famous ‘kiss’ photograph was taken by the Italian photographer, Mario Brenna.... The Princess of Wales and Dodi Al Fayed returned to England on Wednesday 6 August 1997." - Operation Paget Report
+Aug. 8-10, 1997 - Landmine Charity trip to Bosnia 1 2 3
+Aug 13, 1997 - Diana and Dodi visit Derbyshire psychic Rita Rogers
+Aug 14-20, 1997 - Diana on a cruise in Greece with friend Rose Monckton.
+Aug 20, 1997 - Diana returns from vacation
+Aug. 21, 1997 - Diana Jogging from the gym.
+Aug. 21-30, 1997 - Diana vacations again on the Fayed's Yacht with Dodi.
+Aug. 30, 1997 - Diana lands in Paris with Dodi. Calls her son's. https://www.cbsnews.com/htdocs/pdf/Diana_Study.pdf
(Warning PDF download. Paget Operation Report) https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1997/09/03/dianas-boys/e373d4d4-4af7-4f9d-af06-235f585d61a3/
(I know it's the mirror but the events are verified, so it's a good timeline)
Harry says in the ITV Special 'Diana:Our Mother'(45:40) to the two men from Bosnia that "They had seen his mother more recently than he had." (She was in Bosnia August 8-10.) After sitting through several news reports, and documentaries I can't find anything about a lunch other than a couple tabloid articles from after 2015. It's not mentioned in any of the documentaries I saw or by William himself. Being that it was 10 days before her death I'd think it would've been everywhere.
I haven't found any other pictures of Prince William or Diana in those outfits. And again no mention of Harry, William or Charles in the last two weeks of August before Diana's death.
•Dodi gave Diana a diamond bracelet. " Bulgari bracelet On 31 August 1997, the Princess was wearing a Bulgari seed-pearl bracelet that was held at each end with diamond-encrusted dragons which were given to her by Dodi Fayed. It was last worn by the Princess on the day of her death and subsequently became one of the 14 personal effects recovered from the crash scene. It is said that due to the impact of the collision the bracelet broke "scattered on the back seat and floor", what was recovered of the bracelet, in part, was "6 white pearls"." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewels_of_Diana,_Princess_of_Wales
Interesting Tidbits (At least to me)
"The long-ago Queen, for instance. Mad with grief, she’d locked herself inside Balmoral Castle and vowed never to come out. And the very proper former prime minister: he’d called the place “surreal” and “utterly freaky.”"
•The Queen was Queen Victoria
following the death of her husband Prince Albert. And the Prime Minister was Tony Blair
•What Other Royals Have Said About Balmoral. For Queen Victoria, Balmoral was “ my dear paradise in the Highlands.”
Princess Eugenie has called it “the most beautiful place in the world.” -Our Queen At Ninety
“I am never so happy,” King George V once said, “ as when I am fishing the pools of the Dee.”
"He chatted us up. chatted Mummy up. Specifically Mummy. Pointedly Mummy. His eyes plumping into red hearts. •He targeted Diana.
Dodi was a romantic, playboy who was rich-by-daddy. He was married and divorced once already. Had been photographed with a string of Hollywood starlets, though whether he dated them or not was unknown. He was also at the very least in a relationship with an American Model, Kelly Fisher(Ms. Fisher says engaged, and even filed a lawsuit claiming such. Mohammed Al-Fayed (Dodi's Father) claims they were not. (Although he's been embroiled in enough controversies, including the Diana Death Conspiracies which were investigated and ruled false, to make his word questionable at the least.) I don't think there's any way to truly know for sure if Dodi went after Diana, his father orchestrated their relationship or if it just happened. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dodi_Fayed https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohamed_Al-Fayed https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=79b153d4f20210ad69548676309c9c2b&mediatype=video https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/model-kelly-fisher-admits-to-having-292416 https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a41792377/kelly-fisher-dodi-al-fayed-ex-girlfriend-facts/
(Copy of phone transcripts. Warning link is a PDF download.)
•Harry admits his memory is faulty. Are we distancing ourselves, Informing, or making excuses? Noteworthy.
•"We were having a grand time, just the three of us, staying at some old gent’s villa."
This sounds a bit rude to me. A million dollar ghost writer, and 'we stayed at some old guys mansion' ends up in the book? Who's proofreading this? Not to mention entitled. If someone let you spend two weeks at their 30 bedroom villa, hang out on their yacht and ride their jet skis, you'd think you'd have the decency to at least have a fact checker google their name. Or simply 'we stayed at an older gentlemans villa, an acquaintance of my mothers.' Hostility, maybe?
•"There was much laughter, horseplay, the norm whenever Mummy and Willy and I were together, though even more so on that holiday."
This could be important for later, so noting it.
•"The whole family, with the exception of Mummy, because Mummy was no longer part of the family."
It may just be me, but again one name for a person. No nicknames. And he continuously calls his mother 'Mummy'. In past interviews, and comments made pre-meghan he calls her 'mum' and only really refers to her as 'Mummy' occasionally when speaking to William. Like the ITV Diana:Our Mother documentary. He was young when she died(Almost 13), but not so young that he'd commonly be referring to her as mummy. I don't know if this is a normal thing for people who lose a parent as a child, a cultural thing that is normal in the UK, or an attempt at manipulation, but it's odd.
•. "Wherever Mummy was, I understood that she was with her new friend. That was the word everyone used. Not boyfriend, not lover. Friend."
Friend would be the right term when speaking to, or in front of a 12 year old boy about his Mom. Especially if you don't know the official status of the relationship. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Diana,_Princess_of_Wales https://www.crackle.com/watch/2BAED314-7A7B-4DF5-A850-9B3AF794D2FB
(Diana: 7 Days. Free but with ads) https://vimeo.com/252549098
(Diana: Our Mother)
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2023.03.19 01:29 FitInvestigator5945 Sunday, May 6, 2018 THE FATALIST TRILOGY VOLUME TWO: THE FATALIST DREAM THE FATALIST DREAM MONDAY 4.9.2018 3:40AM EST - 4:26AM EST
TUESDAY 4.17.2018 5:15PM EST - 6:15PM EST IT IRKS THE NERVES WHEN THE HURT UNNERVES LIKE MINERVO, MINERVA. SHOUT OUT JOSE CUERVO. SUCH A NERD OF THIS CALIBER IS WIELDING EXCALIBUR. IN TRUTH IT’S TRAGIC YOU’RE TREADING DOWN THE PATH SLIPPERY WHEN WET YET WHEN AT YOUR BEST THERE WAS NO CONTEST. WHY STRESS THEN FRET? JUST CONTINUE TO SWEAT. CONTINUE TO GIVE YOUR BEST WITH NOTHING BUT THOUGHTS OF YOUR REGRETS. THEN LEAVE THE REST, HOLDING ARROW LADEN SHIELDS PINNED TO THE GROUND. THEN WE SHALL FIGHT IN THE SHADE DING-DING-DING WINNING THE ROUND. NO NEED TO SAY IT IS GOING DOWN, BUT IT IS GOING DOWN. THAT’S WHAT WENT DOWN. WHEN I SLEEP IS INDEED JUST THE BEST TIME FOR ME. BUT IT’S NOT ALWAYS SOUND. THAT’S WHEN I SAY GOODBYE, TO ALL THAT INDUCE THE CRIES. TRUE SPIES NEVER USE LIES BUT I USE A TRY. I WILL TRY UNTIL I DIE AND SO I AM DYING JUST TO TRY. SIGHING JUST TO CRY, SHYNESS UNDERLIES. DOES THUNDER MAKE YOU CRY? DOES LIGHTNING MAKE YOU SIT, IN THE HALLWAY? CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JUST FORGET, FORGET THE PAIN YOU BEAR OR FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR CLINGING TO IT. GIVE YOURSELF PROPS MAN FOR YOUR PERSPECTIVE’S WHAT YOU ARE BRINGING TO IT. IF THE PAIN SINGS OUT THEN IT RINGS OUT THAT’S WHY IT STINGS NOW AND STINGS OUCH. TOO MANY STINGS CAN BRING OUT THE MEAN GROUCH AND SO I HIT THE MEAN COUCH. TO SLEEP AWAY THE NON SLEEPING DAYS. TALKING ABOUT RESTLESS NIGHTS. RESTLESS NIGHTS FORM THE TALES OF AN ALL NIGHTER FROM THE RESTLESS WRITER SO WHY BE A FIGHTER? I WOULD RATHER BE A TRIER. IF I WAS MADE TO DROP NUGGETS THEN I WOULD HAVE BEEN A FRYER. WHEN I LAY DOWN, ONLY ONE OF TWO THINGS HAPPEN. I GET TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY OR I ROLL FORTH AND BACK AND GET NO SLEEP ON THE BACK END. I AM IN FACT IN NEED OF MORE TRACTION. IN MY HEAD I ALWAYS FEEL I AM SLACKING. I COULD DIE TONIGHT AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS? TO ALL OF THE DREAMS AND POSITIVITY THEMES AND THINGS I AIM TO BRING TO THE SCREEN OR TO THE STREETS NO SWEEPER. IS THE LEGACY A KEEPER? IS THE LEGACY SECURED BEFORE I MEET THE GRIM REAPER? IS THE LEGACY SECURED BEFORE I MEET THE GRIEF LEAVER? TO ME HE IS THE WEEP RELIEVER AND I AM THE BELIEVER IN GOD, I PRAY TO GOD MY SOUL TO KEEP. EVERYDAY I WRESTLE WITH THE FACT I WAS CREATED WITH TACT. I WAS WIRED A CERTAIN WAY, TO RESPOND TO CERTAIN DISCONCERTING THINGS IN A CERTAIN PHASE ON CERTAIN DAYS IN A CURTAIN WAY. I WOULD CLOSE THE SHADE AND THEN I’LL JUST BEHAVE UNTIL I FADE AWAY. I WENT THRU THINGS I REALLY WISH I NEVER SAW. WISH IT SO OFTEN I WISH I WASN’T EVEN HERE AT ALL AND IT EVEN WASNT CLEAR; MY WORST FEARS PUT ME IN FIRST GEAR. THEN I SHED THE FIRST TEAR, THEY BURST NEAR AND FAR THEN I AM IN AWE. I PRAY TO GOD TO JUST TAKE ME. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME, GO THRU 60PLUS MORE YEARS WITH THESE MEMORIES THEY’RE BREAKING ME? I HAVE TWO OPTIONS, EITHER SIT IN THE CORNER AND CRY AND JUST WISH I DIED OR I COULD GET THE TABLET OR PAD THEN GRAB IT AND JUST TRY, TO MAKE SENSE OF THE CRIES. TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF THE TIMES YOU DIDN’T KNOW ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THERE. IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN FAIR, AS SMART AS I WAS HOW DID I NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE? IF I COULD NOW SPEAK TO ME THEN I WOULD’VE JUST KICKED HIM. HEY MAN YOU’RE ABOUT TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING TEARING YOUR HEART UP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO MAKE IT UP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WHILE YOUR OTHER FRIENDS PLAY OR HAVE FUN DURNG THE DAY, YOU WILL BE FORCED TO GO ANOTHER WAY. YOU’LL STAY TO YOURSELF, YOU WILL BARELY EVER SEE THEM. YOU LOCK YOURSELF IN THE ROOM AS THE MIND ZOOMS VROOM-VROOM. FASTER THAN A BROOM-BROOM UNDER A WITCH. UNTIL 30 YOU WILL NEVER BE A HITCH. YOU WONT DATE YOU WILL ONLY WAIT. YOU WILL ONLY PACE ABOUT THE HOUSE OR OUTSIDE ALL DAY OR ALL NIGHT; WONDERING WHILE IT’S THUNDERING OR WANDERING WHILE YOU’RE PONDERING ON HONEST THINGS. YOU WON’T FEEL THE BRUNT OF IT UNTIL YOU ARE TWENTY EIGHT. BY THEN YOU SHALL HAVE PLENTY GREAT THINGS IN STORE FOR THE WORLD IN THE FORM OF PLANS. IN THE FORM OF A MAN YOU TRANSLATED GODS PLAN. YOU WILL WRESTLE WITH THE FACT GOD GAVE YOU A VISION. IN DOING SO GOD GAVE YOU A MISSION. A MISSION REQUIRING COMPLETION BEFORE YOUR SUBSEQUENT DELETION. YOUR DELIQUENT DEMEANOR FROM THE PAST WILL YOUR BRING YOUR EMPATH OUT MUCH CLEANER AND AS YOUR EMPATH SHOUTS, CLEAN BOUT, BEFORE HE KNOCKS YOU OUT. THE PAIN YOU’RE GONNA FEEL FROM THIS DEAL WILL KNOCK YOU TO THE GROUND. THE PAIN WILL GET SO WILD, YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE NEVER EVER A CHILD. IF IT DOES GET WILDER, THEN IT HASN’T DONE SO YET AND IF IT DOES MILDER, THEN IT HASN;T DONE SO YET. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW UNTIL THE PAIN GLOWS, THEN THE PAIN WILL SHOW UNLESS YOU STAY HIDDEN. STAY HIDDEN AND PRAY WITHIN, BEGGING GOD TO REDUCE YOUR SENTENCE. BUT HE CAN’T CAUSE HE WON’T, I MUST LIVE OUT MY QUOTE. I SAY I GOTTA MEET A QUOTA BEFORE MY AORTA, SPRAYS OUT INTO THE AIR THERE, UNTIL THAT DAY I CARE. I SHARE WHATS BEHIND THE GLARE. WHAT’S BEHIND THE STARE OF A MAN SO RARE? A FLIGHT OF STAIRS...AS IN FOR MORE AMBITION I AM WISHING.
CHAPTER FOUR: UNCLAIMED KITTY WEDNESDAY 4.18,2018 5:01AM EST - 6:09AM EST JUST WOKE UP THE MIND IS COMING AROUND. THOUGHTS INTO SOUND. FIRING OFF LIKE ROUNDS, YO IT’S GOING DOWN BRITISH POUND. I AM A HUGE FAN OF PRINCESS DIANA AND HYANNIS PORT. FOR AS THE SOUNDS WIND OUT WILL THE SOUNDS EVER WIND DOWN? MY OTHER DREAM, IS TO JUST TO CALM MY MIND DOWN. MIND’S RESTLESS THEN THE BODY IT WILL TEST THIS TO IT’S “BESTEST” CAPABILITIES, I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO SOMETHING OR I GET REALLY SAD CAUSE I KNOW THAT I GOT MARTIN WITH THESE PLOTS NEEDING STARTING. I ENTERED THE MISSION WITH CONTROLLED INTERMISSIONS BUT EVERYDAY OF THE SENTENCE BRINGS A BRAND NEW ENDLESS TENDENCY IN WHICH RENDERS ME INCAPABLE OF NOT MEETING THE STANDARD. IT IS INESCAPABLE AND NOT UNTRACE-ABLE. MORE LIKE EVIDENTLY PALPABLE. IT IS FELT IN THE AIR. UNSTOPPABLE. IT IS UNDER THE FEW CHEST HAIRS I HAVE. THE CHEST HAIRS I GRAB OR PLUCK DON’T GIVE IT UP SO EASILY AND MENTALLY I GO AROUND TEASING ME, I GET QUEASY SEE THEN I’M LAUGHING AT MYSELF STUCK FIGHTING ALL THIS PAIN. FIGHTING ALL THIS BRAIN. FIGHTING ALL THIS TRAIN. FIGHTING ALL THIS RAIN. WRITING THRU ALL THIS CHANGE, ALL THIS GAIN. NEVER STOP BOY CLEVER JOT WITH YOUR TOY. LOOKS LIKE I AM WRITING AGAIN OI. YOU CAN TRACK THE PAIN, THRU THE SCRIPTS. I SAID YOU COULD TRACK THE PAIN FROM THE PENMANSHIP. SAID THAT WORD REAL SLOW IN MY HEAD I WILL GO DILDO, AS IN INTRUDING THE ILLUSIONS MY MIND IS PROTRUDING OR IS IT STILL ILL YO? IS IT A DREAM OF GLAMOUR OR DELUSIONS OF GRANDUER? I JUST SMASHED THAT QUESTION WITH A HAMMER. I MEAN I JUST SMASHED THAT QUESTION WITH THE TICKING ANSWER. I JUST SMASHED THAT BED WITH A LICKING DANCER. WHERE’S MARTIN SPRINGS? IN NEW YORK THAT’S THE ANSWER. IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PAINED BRAIN WITH ALL THIS REARRANGED GAIN THEN I HOPPED THE BUS JUST TO HOP ON THE TRAIN. I AM JUST TRAVELLING MANE. LOGGED INTO THE TRAVELLING GAME. TRAVELLING MAIN CITIES. MAIN BIDDY, MAIN KITTY. UNTAMED BIDDY, INSANE KITTY. UNTRAINED KITTY, UNNAMED BIDDY. UNFAMED BIDDY, MAJINBU STICKY. IT’S TIME TO DATE, ACCESS TO MY DREAMS NOW SO WHY WAIT? LIFE IS AS SCARY AS WEARING HEELS RIGHT NOW. MY LIFE IS AS SCARY AS ENDURING HELL RIGHT NOW. I SEE THE DREAM ON THE HORIZON, EVERY DAY ONLY THING I’M EYE-ING IS THE FACT I’M TRYING. IS THE FACT I’M DYING THE REASON IN EVERY SEASON I’M BLEEDING ON PAGES COMMITTING TREASON FOR EATING MYSELF ALIVE AND TELLING ON MY SELF? I HAVE TO DIE AND SO I HAVE TO TRY. THE LESS I TRIED THE MORE I DIED ANYWAY. THE LESS I TRY THE MORE I DIE INSIDE ON ANYDAY. SO ANYWAY IT IS SWAYED, WHAT’S THE PROPER PLAY? ITS LIKE I’M STUCK IN A LAND OF DEVOTION. THE LAND OF DEDICATION. IF I PERISH NOW, TO WHAT WAS THIS LIFE DEDICATED? HOW EDUCATED DID I TURN OUT TO BE? SHOUT OUT EVERYBODY CHURNING DOUBT DOWN ON ME. ABOUT TO GO MISSING. ABOUT TO GO FISHING. ALL ACROSS THE NATION OF THE STATES AND THEN GET STATEMENTS FROM THE MOST BLATANTLY FRAGANT ESSENCE OF A SELENA WITH THE GRACEFUL DEMEANOR. EITHER A MISSES OR A MISTRESS OR A DAMSEL. IT TOOK A HUNDRED YEARS JUST TO FIGURE ME OUT. UNTIL IT ALL WENT DOWN I WAS LOOKED AT LIKE I WAS TRIPPING...ICK, WELL I DONT’ GIVE A FICK. I DON’T GIVE A STICK TO A NON TREE. TO A NON ME. I ENVISION ME INCISIONING WITH THE ENERGY THE SYNERGY’S INNER CHI OR INNER ME.I’VE BEEN THINKING INNER THINGS LIKE WINNER THINGS EVERY TIME YOUR DINNER BRINGS THE DINNER BELL RING I WAS FACING THE DINNER BELL STING. OH WELL MY WINNER BELL JUST RANG CHING-CHING BLING-BLING PINKY RING. TOOK ME TEN YEARS BUT I DID THE THANG. I DIDN’T CHANGE UP NOW THE CHANGE COMES, WE GOT OUR CHANGE UP. LIFE’S A PLAYGROUND WATCH THE MATERIALS SWING. RESPECT THE SITUATION THAT THE PRESENT MOMENT BRINGS, NEVER GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN MATERIAL THINGS. LIFE’S A PLAYGROUND WATCH THE MATERIALS SWING BUT IF YOU HAVE THE CASH BLING-BLING PINKY RING. BUT IMMATERIALLY SPEAKING, AS MUCH AS I HATE A SLEEPLESS NIGHT, I LOVE STAYING UP AT NIGHT. I WORK OVERNIGHT. I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH OVERNIGHT. I ENJOY SITTING OUTSIDE AND THINKING. BUT IT GETS HEAVY, REAL HEAVY, HOLD UP, REAL STEADY. I’M SINKING INTO A BUNKER AND OUTSIDE’S THUMPER IN THE THUNDER. REFERENCE TO THE CHILDHOOD, SUCH A BLUNDER, SUCH A BUMMER, SUCH A DUMBER ONE I TRULY WAS. NOW HE TRULY DOES. NOW HE BARELY BUDGES AT THE UNSCRUPULOUS. THEY THOUGHT I THINK I’M PERFECT UNTIL I TELL THEM MY LIFE I FEEL I DON’T DESERVE IT UNLESS I SERVE MY PURPOSE AND IT UNEARTHS IT, THIS DEARTH OF PAIN ATTACHED TO THE GAIN I MUST ATTAIN OR ASCERTAIN FOR A CERTAIN REASON MAINE. AND IF I FAIL HIM I COMMITTED CERTAIN TREASON. OKAY? BE A GREAT PERSON OR YOUR SOUL GETS EATEN.
CHAPTER SIX: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE JEW? FRIDAY 4.20.2018 4:42PM EST - 5:46PM EST OK NOW, SETTLE DOWN AND LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT IT. THEIR DOUBTS I DOUBTED SO WE ALL POUTED, SO WE ALL SHOUTED. I WONDER WHY MY HEAD IS CLOUDED? WONDER WHY MY HEAD’S SURROUNDED AND POUNDED. GIVING REASONS TO BE LEAVING, LEAVING ME ASTOUNDED. MORE LIKE HOUNDED UNTIL I GO AROUND IT. THEN I GO AROUND IT, THE SOUND IT’S MAKING GOES DOWN AND FLOWS ROUND. I GO THE WHOLE ROUND. I REMEMBER SYRACUSE, THE WHOLE TOWN. NERVOUS TO GO AT FIRST BUT I HAD THE CHANCE TO GO AT LAST. FOR NEW SIGHTS THERE IS A THIRST, IT BURSTS. THE MIND ADVANCED CAUSE IT HAD A GLANCE OF THE CITY LIFE FAST. I REMEMBER TALL BUILDINGS, EVERY WHERE I GO. LIVING WHERE IT SNOWED. LIVING WHERE THE SNOW GLOWS. MADE ME FEEL I WAS WELCOMED THERE. THE RECEPTION DISPLAYED WAS SELDOM, RARE. LIFE NEVER FELT MORE FAIR. LIFE NEVER FELT MORE RARE, NEVER MOVED MORE HARE, AS IN MOVE FAST? COME ON, MOVE FAST, WELL THERE’S THE ATTITUDE. ENGULFING THE ATMOSPHERIC CITY. STRATOSPHERIC KITTY. NOW I CAN NEVER SAY NEW YORK DOESN’T GET JIGGY. NEW YORK’S MORE JIGGY THAN MS. PIGGY. SHOUTS OUT HIS AUNT MIGGY. AUNT LULA, AUNT DEAN. N.Y. HAD A CERTAIN VIBE TO IT, A CERTAIN FLY TO IT. IT WAS NEW YORK, COME ON MAN DO WORK. I WATCHED HER BOOTS FLIRT, THEY WERE POINTED TOWARDS ME. I GOT ON THE GROUP’S NERVE, CAUSE OF MYSELF I’M SURE IT WAS DEMURE FOR SURE, I WAS SINGLE SO THE LADIES MINGLED. I SINGLED THEM OUT NO PRINGLES, THEN RECITED JINGLES. THEY HEARD WHAT I DID TO INGLES. 469 TIMES. THE WOMEN OF THE BIG APPLE, DESERVE 469 RHYMES AT ONE TIME, AND A SNAPPLE. IT’S A SIGN THAT WE ENTERED THE SPACE THE SAME IN THE INTERFACE MAINFRAME. IT’S A SHAME I DIDN’T GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO ALL OF THE GLARING DAMES, ONES WHO WERE STARING AT ME OR STARING AT THEE...THE SPARKLES ON THE JACKET, SUCH A REMARKABLE HABIT, LOWERS YOUR DEFENSE SYSTEM CAUSE I’M NOT A SAVAGE; WITH NO PLANS OF RAVAGING IT’S RAVISHING. RELISHING ANYTHING THE CABBAGE BRINGS. IF YOU CAN’T PAINT WITH ALL OF THE COLORS OF THE WIND, THEN YOU’VE NEVER HEARD A CABBAGE SING. BEFORE NEW YORK I THOUGHT MY LIFE WOULD END UP TRAGIC, UNTIL I BREACHED THE FABRIC, OF MY LAVISH, MASSIVE CONSTRUCTION. NEW YORK TO ME WAS AN EMOTIONAL ABDUCTION INTO A PALACE. JUST BEING THERE ALONE LET ME KNOW THERE WAS A GOD. HE ALWAYS SENT PEOPLE STRAIGHT TO ME IN TIMES OF NEED OR TIME’S OF GREAT JOY. IN NEW YORK PLEASE I WOULD LIKE TO RAISE A GREAT BOY OR GREAT GAL. MADE GREAT PALS, MADE AND ALLOWED TO GROW WITH CONVERSATION AND SPACE TRAVELLING. NEW YORK MADE EVERYTHING I HAD BEEN THRU THE IN LAST DECADE, FEEL PERFECT. IT WAS WORTH IT. I FELT ESTABLISHED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO N.Y. TO KEEP ON ESTABLISHING. I SURVIVED 4MONTHS IN NEW YORK STATE AND I DESERVED IT. INITIALLY NERVOUS BUT IT WAS THERE I SHINED AT CUSTOMER SERVICE. I GOT THE CHANCE TO KICK IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE’S GRANDMOTHERS AND SINCE THE AGE OF EIGHT HAVEN’T KICKED IT WITH MY GRANDMOTHERS. I HAVE NEVER SHINED BRIGHTER THAN WITH MY TIME IN NEW YORK. AND SO I JUST GOTTA GO BACK. GO BACK AS THE NEW DORK. I BET SYRACUSE GETS HAPPY DUDE AS I’M TOUCHING DOWN CAUSE I’M BUCKING DUDE. I KNOW THEY MISS ME. I KNOW THEY WONDER. JUST WHERE DID I GO AND AM I COMING BACK? ON THAT THEY PONDER. I CAN’T WAIT TO SAUNTER. NEW YORK I’VE MISSED YOU TOO, THINK ABOUT IT WAY TOO OFTEN. SO OFTEN, BEFORE THE SNOW SOFTENS AND DISAPPEARS. I’M BACK, HOORAY, CHEERS! NEVER ASK ME “YOU GAY?” CAUSE THAT’S HOW PEOPLE GET SMACKED. WE CLEAR? PARDON THAT. GOING BACK TO N.Y. WITH THEM RABBIT HACKS . SHOUT OUT, WHERE MY RABBITS AT? I GET TO RETIRE, THEN MOVE TO NEW YORK. MOVING ONCE AGAIN. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE CITY. I HAVE TO SEE THE CITY. I HAVE TO SEE THE NEW TRADE CENTER TOWER. HEARD IT HAS MYSTICAL POWERS. HEARD IT MAKES WEIRD SHRIEKING SOUNDS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HEARD IT’S A STARGATEWAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A BEING WE DON’T NEED HERE NOR WANT HERE. BUT NOW WE NEED A BEER, CAUSE WE DON’T HAVE A CLEAR, COMPREHENSION DEAR, OF WHAT’S NEAR. FIRST OFF, LIKE WHAT’S FEAR? SOMETHING THAT SHEARS YOUR SENSE OF SAFETY. LAST NAME MORGAN, FIRST NAME TRACY. TRACY HAS A NEW SHOW NOT STARRING GWEN STACY. TRACY MORGAN STARS AS A FREE MAN GOING THRU GINGERFICATION OF BROOKLYN...LOOKS LIKE I MIGHT BE THERE WHEN IT ALL GOES DOWN. WHERE I AM MOVING TO MAY UNDERGO ZERO GROUND NUMBER TWO. MY DESTINY FORCED ME TO WALK THE PLANK YOU. HAVE NO IDEA. I MAY HAVE MY CHANCE TO BE THE BROWN SKINNED MAN ANNE FRANK. THOUGHTS FURNISHED IN THE MIND TANK...IKEA
CHAPTER SEVEN: FOREVER TWIST TUESDAY 4.24.2018 1:55 AM EST - 2:39AM EST
DEAR HONEY, IT WAS A SUNDAY, STARTED OFF A FUN DAY, IN ONE WAY. I WAS AT WORK, WAS JUST GETTING OFF, GETTING HOME I WASN’T PUTTING OFF. I WAS WAITING ON KYELLZ TO GET OFF TOO, CATCH A RIDE WITH HER THEN SEE WHAT DOES IT DO? SHE SHOWED ME HER PHONE, ASKED ME IF I THOUGHT SHE WAS CUTE. I SAW A PICTURE OF A PERSON THAT I KNEW. THE PICTURE REMINDED ME OF YOU. I REPLIED IN KIND THAT MY MIND KNEW YOU. IN MY TIME I KNEW YOU. KYELLZ SAID OH, SHE’S DEAD. SHE WAS SHOT. I WAS SHOCKED. RUINED THE DAY ALOT, MORE LIKE ALL THE WAY. WENT IN MY CLOSET AND PRAYED. WENT IN MY CLOSET THEN SPRAYED. BLUNT SPRAY. I DID THAT ALL DAY. I STAYED THERE ALL DAY. I STAYED THERE ALL NIGHT. I WAS CRYING ON A KITE. I DIDN’T COMPREHEND HOW ONE AS NICE AS YOU, COULD JUST GET SHOT DOWN AS IF YOU DESERVED IT TWICE, SHE DIDN’T DESERVE THAT PAIN AT ALL YET SHE WAS SO NICE IT STILL TURNED OUT GOD’S WILL. ON OCTOBER TWENTY-THIRD, TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE; YOUR KILLERS SHOULD HAVE WENT DIRECTLY TO HELL. YET THEY PREVAILED, COVERED UP DETAILS, HEARD THEY TOOK YOUR CELL PHONE. HEARD THEY SET YOU UP. HEARD YOU GOT JUMPED. HEARD YOU GOT CUT. THEN THEY SHOT YOU DOWN AS YOU TRIED TO RUN OR WERE BEATING A JUMP. HEARD THEY ALL WERE CHUMPS. HEARD THEY ALL WERE TRUMPS. HEARD THEIR LIFE IS A DUMP. I MET YOU HONEY WHEN YOU WERE FIFTH-TEEN. I ALWAYS RESPECTED YOU. ALWAYS PROTECTED YOU. WHEN WE WALKED TO THE STORE, YOU WERE ON MY ARM. YOU WERE MY FRIEND THAT WAY. NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENED TO YOU AROUND CHAD OR MARTY. NO HARM. EVERYTIME YOU SAW ME WE HAD A REEFER PARTY.THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU SCREAMED MY NAME THEN RAN TO ME. I ONLY SAW YOUR HOME LIKE TWICE. IF IT WAS TWICE, THAT THEN WAS THE LAST TIME. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR HUGS. I GOT ONE ON CAMERA. THAT MAKES ME BUG. I HAVE BEEN WRITING ABOUT YOU HONEY SINCE I WROTE MY SECOND BOOK. MY SECOND BOOK WAS CFK ONE THRU SIX. AND YOU WERE VOLUME FIVE OR SIX. I SWITCHED THEM AROUND. THAT WAS THREE YEARS AGO THOUGH, THREE YEARS AFTER YOUR LAST BREATH. I TURNED YOUR NAME INTO A FILM THEORY TOO, I HOPE IT GETS PLAY. FILM YOUR LIFE’S DAYS. IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN I HAD THREE YEARS AS YOUR FRIEND I WOULD HAVE FILMED EVERY DAY I SAW YOU. WOULD HAVE SAT RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND PULLED OUT MY NOTEBOOK. AND WE WOULD SCRIBBLE BACK AND FORTH. YOU READ MY NOTEBOOK BEFORE. YOU LAUGHED WHEN YOU SCANNED THE WORDS I CONSUME MARIJUANA. CONSUME MADE YOU LAUGH. IT WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH. IT WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME GRAB. THE ONE DOCUMENTED MEMORY I HAVE OF YOU TAKING A STAB. RIGHT AT THE HEART, THE CORE, THE PART I FIGHT FOR. YOU DIED HONEY NOW I FIGHT MORE. I FIGHT FOR WHAT I WANT. THEY TOOK AWAY YOUR CHANCE TO PURSUE HAPPINESS. THEY TOOK LIFE AND THEN CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS. EVIL’S NEVER RIGHT. SO TIL THIS DAY I WRITE. TIL THIS DAY I SAY HI. JUST TO MAKE YOU LAUGH I’LL SAY IT. TIL THIS DAY I’VE STAY HIGH. I DRESS LIKE MJ NOW IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN. BUT YOU IF YOU HAD SEEN, WE ARE ABOUT TO STEP IT UP YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU DIED A LEGEND HONEY. GOING TO DIE A LEGEND HONEY KNOW YOUR NAME IS FOREVER ON MY TONGUE. FOREVER IN MY HEART, FOREVER IN MY MIND FOR AS TIME UNWINDS TO SETTLE DOWN FOR ME I PONDER ON WHATS OVER THERE YONDER. THE DAY YOU DIED WAS THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY SHORT FILM, INTUITION. YET ON THE DAYS OF FILMING, MY INTUITION NEVER MENTIONED IT. I REMEMBER ZAY, TELLING ME SOMETHING BIG WAS COMING OUR WAY. ONE YEAR LATER, DEVASTATION, I COULDN’T TAKE IT. WHAT BECAME OF OUR NATION/ TWO WEEKS LATER, KYELLZ TOLD ME, SHE WISHED SHE NEVER TOLD ME. AS IF I WOULD NOT HAVE FOUND OUT BOUT THE DEATH OF MY FEMALE HOMIE. MY SADNESS OVER THE LOSS WAS WORTH THE SCOLDING. IT TOOK ME FIVE DAYS TO LEARN THEY WERE PREPARING YOU FOR BURIAL. I WASN’T THERE TO SEE THE BURIAL. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. BY THE TIME I FOUND OUT I COULDN’T MAKE THE BURIAL. BUT ON THAT DAY MY LIFE TURNED SCARY THOUGH LIKE A PRESA CANARIO; A HUGE DOG I’VE SAT ON BEFORE. I HAD A VISION SENT FROM MY INTUITION OR SOMETHING DEEPER. ONE DAY I WILL MEET THE GRIM REAPER SAVING A KIDS LIFE. CONVINCED. I’VE BEEN WAITING ON THAT DAY EVER FREAKING SINCE. I LOVE YOU HONEY. FOREVER FREAKING MISSED. FOR YOU, I WILL FOREVER FREAKING TWIST STICKY ICKY STICK.
CHAPTER EIGHT: AS AN OLD TIMER TUESDAY 4.24.2018 3:45PM EST - 4:33PM EST ONCE AGAIN, DEAR MY DEAR FRIEND, DEAR HONEY. I THINK ABOUT TALKING TO YOU REALIZING I REALLY CAN’T. THERE IS NO WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, FROM THIS SIDE, SO I JUST SLIP AND SLIDE. SLIP AND SLIDE INTO THE TIME WHEN WE WOULD RIDE OR SIT. SITTING IN NATE’S MOTOR VEHICLE, LISTENING TO WILDNESS. AUDIO THAT WAS TIMELESS. THE POWER OF NOW, THE SECRET, THINK AND GROW, JERRY AND ESTER HICKS FOR SHOW. TOO MANY TO NAME, TOO MANY TO CLAIM, STAKE IN, YOU WERE AS A PERSON AMAZING. FIFTH-TEEN LEARNING PROPER MANIFESTATION. PROPERLY YOU OFFERED ME A KIND FRIEND, SO WHAT’S STOPPING ME FROM FINDING A KIND PEN? AND SO I FIND A KIND PEN. AND YOU WON’T BE FORGOTTEN. IF THEY KNOW OF MY ART THEY KNOW OF YOU. I CREATED MORE ART FOR YOU THAN ANY FRIEND YOU HAD. NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE CHAD. THE FACT YOU’RE GONE PLAYS A HUGE ROLE IN THE SCHEDULING OF THE INTELLIGENCE DEVELOPMENT. IN THE POLITICAL RHETORIC, THE MINDSET OF A NON CONFEDERATE. FOR HONEY I’LL YELL IT AGAIN. THE REGIMINE OF THE NEW REGIME. TO SHED LIGHT ON THE MOMENTS THAT BRED FRIGHT, DEAD RIGHT. HONEY’S DEATH INSTANTLY, SAW ME SEEK NO CLAIM TO FAME WHILE ALIVE. I BEGAN TO CHANGE AS THE BRAIN TRIED, NOT TO TAKE A DIVE A FALL I’M JUST SAYING. HONEY YOU DIED I CRIED, I LIED TO MY FRIENDS WHEN I SAID I COULDN’T COME OUT. I LIED TO MY FRIENDS CAUSE REALLY I WOULDN’T COME OUT. WOULD RATHER DO WHAT I WAS DOING THEN. TO SCREAM, TO SHOUT, TO THINK OF YOU, MY DEAR FRIEND. TO BEAM THEN POUT. POUT WHY? CAUSE IT HURTS. EVERYTIME I THINK OF YOU I FLIRT, WITH TEARS. THE PAIN KICKS THE END OF MY REAR. IT WAS TOO CLEAR, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVEN’T BEEN AROUND THEM AT ALL, HONEY YOU WERE TOO DEAR, TOO SINCERE AND GENUINE. WE MET IN TWO THOUSAND AND NINE.THE YEAR THE KING OF POP DISAPPEARED. IT ALWAYS IMPRESSED ME, IT WAS CLEAR. THAT YOU LISTENED TO THE CRAZY MESS WITH US. PHILOSOPHICALLY YOU CHOSE TO THINK BEFORE THE AGE OF EIGHT-TEEN. YOU DIED WITH LESS TIME TO DO GREAT THINGS. THEN YOU DIED AND TURNED OUT YOU STILL DID THOSE GREAT THINGS. JUSTICEFORHONEY WENT VIRAL AND THAT’S WHEN IT HIT ME.MIDWAY THRU A DOWNWARD SPIRAL OTW TO CAIRO. HONEY DO YOU GET ME? I AIM TO DIE IN GOOD STANDING AS YOU DID. AS IT HITS ME. THAT DAY I PRAY I SEE YOU KID. ONLY CAUSE YOU DID, SOMETHING RARE. YOU WERE A GREAT FRIEND IN A WORLD WHERE NO ONE’S THERE. YOU WERE CALM AND INTELLIGENT. WE ALWAYS CARED. IT WAS EVIDENT. WE CARED ABOUT YOU, YOU WERE A PART OF THE GROUP. CALLED IT THE HOUSE OF ZOOT. YOU VISITED ON THE WEEKENDS. ITS HARD TO THINK BACK TO SEE JUST WHEN YOU WERE THERE. OVER THE COURSE OF TWO YEARS. WE MET YOU THEN WE GOT IN GEAR. YOU SAT AND TALKED ABOUT THE UNIVERSE WITH US EVERYTIME. YOU WERE THE SPECIAL GUEST STAR OF THE GROUP. WE WERE BLESSED TO KNOW YOU. WE WERE BLESSED TO SHOW YOU, A GOOD-GRANDLY TIME IN THIS UNCANNY RHYME SCHEME OF TIME THEMED MEMORIES EMBEDDED IN THE BASE OF THE CEREBELLUM.TRUTH IS I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THE CEREBELLUM HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MEMORY, I ONLY USED IT FOR I AM A RHYMER WITH BLOOD OF THE GOLDEN SHIMMERING. AND HONEY I WOULD TRADE MY LIFE FOR YOU TO SEE YOU AS AN OLD TIMER.
CHAPTER NINE: TWO QUESTIONS WEDNESDAY 4.25.2018 3:03AM EST - 4:05AM EST DEAR MS. HONEY, WHAT’S UP AGAIN MY FRIEND? DO YOU KNOW I SHALL MISS YOU TIL I DIE TOO? THE END. WHEN I DIE OOH ITS YOU I CAN NOT WAIT TO BE AROUND. TO SEE AROUND, THEN FLEE AROUND. BUT YOU’RE INDEED AROUND. IN ORIGINAL FORM. THE ESSENTIAL NORM. THE EXISTENTIAL CAN NOT CONFORM. HONEY, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS YOU NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO DO. HOW AT THINGS I GLANCE IS FOR YOU. I KNOW THERE ARE TWO, REASONS FOR THIS GLANCE OR TWO REASONS FOR THIS CHANCE. EVERY MEMORY I HAVE EVER HAD WITH YOU HONEY WAS SWEET AND NEAT OR FUN GALORE. WE BEACHED THE SHORES, OF UNIVERSALITY SO CASUALLY, WHETHER HAPHAZARDLY OR NOT, WE FOUGHT WITH OUR THOUGHTS. FIGHTING TO REDEEM WHAT WE THOUGHT WE HAD LOST. REPEAT TWICE. THEN WE REPEAT THE SIGHTS. WE SAW ON OUR OWN ALONE. THEN BROUGHT BACK CONCLUSIONS TO THE TEAMS DOME. WHAT WE DID AS A TEAM, WAS SMACK BACK ILLUSIONS. THE ILLUSIONS ALLUDING TO THE ALLUSIONS CONSCRUED WHEN THOSE EVIL DOERS PLOT THEIR MOVEMENTS. HONEY WHAT WE DOING? BUMPING FLUENT, ARCHAIC MOVEMENTS, THE DHAMMAPADA, BUDDHA AND CONFUCIUS. I USED TO WONDER WHY I GOT A RUNNING HUG THE LAST TIME THAT I SAW YOU. TIL I KEPT PUTTING YOUR NAME IN MY ART CAUSE YOUR NAME’S IN MY HEART. I AM IN AWE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. IT’S ON THE HEART, IT’S ON THE MIND, IT’S WEIGHS ON MINE. THESE STORIES GOTTA GET TOLD. SO I TELL THEM FORGIVE ME FOR TELLING, FORGIVE ME FOR YELLING. I LOVE YOU HONEY AND ACTING WAS YOUR CHOSEN PROFESSION. I WOULD HAVE WROTE A MOVIE FOR YOU. SO I WROTE YOU SOME MOVIES FOR YOU. I WROTE YOU SOME BOOKS TOO. MADE A CHARACTER FOR YOU. VANESSA STALLONE. I GUESS I’LL CALL HER BUNNY. YEAH I MISS YOU HONEY. AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE. SO I REARRANGE, THESE WORDS IN THE BRAIN, TRAINED IN THE PLAINES TO PIN THEM DOWN WITH THE PEN, SO PLANE LIKE PLAINLY. CLEARING, CLEARLY, I’M NOT REFRAINING, FROM TRANSLATING THE PAIN SEEN. HONEY YEAH THIS PAIN IS MEAN. IF I COULD PUSH A BUTTON TO TRADE PLACES, I’D BE GONE. LIKE POOF. LIKE WHERE’D HE GO? IDK, CHECK THE ROOF. I JUST HEARD A SWOOP, THEN I HEARD A WOLF. I’VE BEEN THINKING ‘BOUT YOU RECENTLY. THESE RECENT THINGS BRING RECENT STINGS. INDECENT THINGS TOOK YOUR LIFE AND I’M STILL HERE WHY? ON THE SADDEST DAYS, I THINK ALOUD WHY COULDN’T WE TRADE? SEEMS WE DO NOT HAVE A SAY CAUSE THEY SAY DEATH IS OF THE TONGUE, WELL I GUESS MY WORDS ARE FAKE. OR MAYBE LONGER IT TAKES TO TAKE PLACE. ANYWAY IT GOES, I PRAY TO PLAY IT SAFE. I PRAY TO STAY SAFE. UNTIL THE TIME HAS COME. IS IT OF THE TONGUE OR ON THE TONGUE CAUSE EITHER WHICH WAY IT IS SAID, I’M NOT DEAD YET. GOD WILLING. GOD WILLINGLY REMOVED HONEY FROM OUR BUILDING THEN. BEFORE SHE EVEN HAD CHILDREN AND. NAIJAH AND JOSH D. HUTCH HAD CHILDREN MANN.. CLUCTH MY HEART, WILL I HAVE THEM TOO BEFPRE I PART? HONEY, THE THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SAID YET. IT’S HARD TO SEE HOW THEY COULD BE SO MEAN, TO JUST TAKE YOU FROM US. IF YOU COULD SEE YOUR PEOPLE’S FACES THEN YOU KNOW THAT THEY MISS YOU. YOUR NAME IS FOREVER IN MY SIGHT. UNTIL I AM GONE I SHALL WRITE. ABOUT THE TIMES WE HAD AND HOW IT FELT GLAD TO HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND AMEN. THEN IT FELT BAD GOT REAL SAD WHEN YOU-YOU KNOW. MY FIRST COMPLETED BOOK WAS CALLED THE PHONE GIRL. A SHOW, ABOUT MEGAN, SHE WAS PAGAN. YEAH I’M JUST SAYING, THEN I WROTE ABOUT RUNNING THE NATION. I WROTE FIRESTARTERS THAT GOT THE LIAR’S FIRE’S ABLAZING. ABOUT A WORLD CHANGING FRAGRANCE. FRAGANCE IN THE AIR, THE CONCEPT OF THE SECOND BOOK IS STILL SUCH A SCARE AND WAS JUST AMAZING. JOHN FITZGERALD’S REINCARNATION OR MODERN DAY INCARNATION. THAT IS MY MAGNUS OPUS CAUSE THEY’LL BURN ME ALIVE FOR IT. ANYWAY I STRIVED FOR IT. I ADORED IT. I WROTE BOOKS WITH SPOKEN QUOTES QUOTING SOMETHING PROVOKING A FIRE’S SCORCHING, TORCHING, HORSE SPIT. YOUR NAME’S GOT IT’S OWN VOLUME IN IT, ALONG WITH NAIJAH. THE MEMORIES I HAVE OF MY PASSED ON HOMIES PASSES ON INTO A SCRIPT OR PLAY FOR US, BECAUSE IT WEIGHS A LOT ON ME. I’M REALLY GLAD I MET YOU HONEY, CHERISHED EVERY TIME I SAW YOU. AS A PERSON YOU WERE AMAZING AND A DARLING. I DON’T GET HOW YOU MADE THEM THAT MAD, WHAT COULD YOU DO SO WRONG TO DO SOMETHING SO WRONG LIKE THAT TO YOU? IT JUST WILL CONFUSE. ME TO, THINK ABOUT IT TOO SO DO YOU, HAVE ANYWAY TO SEND ME A SIGN, IF YOU COULD STILL READ LETTERS AND YOU READ MINE? HONEY IT’S BREAD TIME. CAUSE HONEY ON BREAD IS LIKE BUTTER, CRISPY. IF I HAD A CHANCE TO ASK YOU TWO QUESTIONS. THE FIRST ONE WOULD BE DID YOU EVER HAVE A CHANCE TO GET TIPSY? THEN I WOULD ASK YOU WHO DID IT? IF LIFE IS A HUSTLE THEN THEY TOOK YOUR NIPSEY. THE SADDEST THING ABOUT IT, WHO EVER KNOWS THE TRUTH THEY AIN’T SNITCHING. THEY DESERVE A BITCH RING WORTH 50,000$.
CHAPTER TEN: THE CONCLUSION
WEDNESDAY 4.25.2018 12:58PM EST - 1:39PM EST
DEAR HONEY, I PLAN TO PLAN THE GREATEST PLANS IN YOUR NAME, IN YOUR MEMORY JUST SAYING. THEN ACT THEM OUT ENGAGING, THEE-THEE ENTIRE NATION, BY BEING SO BLATANT, IN SAYING. WHAT IF THE EVIL DOERS EVER MET THEIR MATCHED FACES? WATCH THE MAT PLACEMENT, SPITTING IT ANCIENT, HONEY WHAT ELSE COULD I DO BUT KEEP TELLING YOU? THE STATEMENTS THAT I’M SAYING HAVE A TRUTHFUL SHAPING? IN TRUE FORM, THE NEW NORM, IS TO FILM YOUR LIFE CAUSE YOU CAN’T FILM IT TWICE. DOCUMENT THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE AND THE FRIENDS YOU’VE LOST. THE FRIENDS WHO PAID THE COST TO LIVE THE LIFE THEY LIVED, THE LIFE THEY GAVE THEIR ALL INTO, UNTO, REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES, THE EVENTS IN THEMSELVES WERE JUST TRAGIC DUDE. FOR THE REST OF OUR DAYS, WE GET TO ASK OURSELVES, JUST WHAT HAPPENED DUDE? IT’S SO MATTER OF FACT. SO AS IF MY BLADDER WAS MASSIVELY FULL AND STILL INTACT, I GOTTA TAKE ACTION. AND TAKE ACTION’S WHAT I DO, FAIL IF I’M PASSIVE. DEAR HONEY, I HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP FOR WORK, STILL HAD TO GIVE YOUR MEMORY AN HOUR, FOR YOUR MEMORIES EMPOWER ME, THEY SHOWER ME, HOURLY. PICTURE YOU RUNNING AROUND IN A FIELD SO FLOWERY. WHEREVER YOU’RE AT, I BET AN HOUR MEANS, NOTHING TO YOU AND YOU’RE LAUGHING AT THAT. WE COVERED THAT IN OUR AUDIO BOOK CLUB. YOUNG GIRL HAD A REDPILL MESHED BRAIN. IF YOU WERE RIGHT HERE HONEY RIGHT NOW, I BET MY MONEY YOU WOULD BE PHILOSOPHICAL. YOU WERE YOUNG AND YOU GAVE IT A CHANCE. THEN YOU DIED IN VIOLENCE. I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND, COMPREHENSIVE, I WASN’T, I WAS JUST PENSIVE. I WAS JUST APPREHENSIVE. HOW HAVEN’T THEY BEEN APPREHENDED? NOT TO MENTION HEARD YOUR FINGERTIPS WERE MISSING AT THE FUNERAL SO ITS USUAL TO FEEL IT FLOWED SOMETHING LIKE AS SHOWN OR FOLLOWS, EASY TO CONCLUDE YET HARD TO SWALLOW. IF THEY DID THAT REALLY IT MEANS YOU FOUGHT BACK AND YOU CAUGHT THAT KILLERS DNA IN BLOOD FORM UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS THEN OH NO THAT’S B.S. IF THEY DID THIS IT’S SICKENING, SICKENS ME. DEAR HONEY, THE IMAGERY OF WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU HAS STRICKEN ME, SINCE THE DAY I HEARD ABOUT IT-IT’S BEEN GETTING TO ME VIVIDLY AND INTENTIONALLY, PROVISIONING THESE PLANS THEN POSITIONING THE PLANNED FACTORS AND THE MANNED FACTORS. WITH MANNED FACTORS IN POSITIONS, WE JUST ENTER THE MISSION, WHERE WE ENTER THE VISION, THE VISION OF THE GOOFY ONE, WELL WE COMPLETED THE GOAL, WITH HONEY’S MEMORY RIGHT BESIDE OF US. WE TRUST IN THE INNER FUSS TO JUST FADE AWAY, WE MUST CONTINUE IN THESE DAYS, TO BRING BETTER WAYS OF ACTING ONTO THE STAGE. THE STAGE OF LIFE. THE SAME LIFE HONEY DIED LIVING, HER SOUL PAID THE PRICE, OF BEING HERE HERE ON EARTH FOR A GRAND TIME IN THIS NATION OF OURS. UNTIL HONEY WENT BACK, TO THIS SENSATION OF OURS. HONEY WENT BACK TO WHERE SHE CAME FROM. THE SOLAR SYSTEM OR THE COSMOS, SHE’S A STAR NOW HONEY’S-HONEY’S GANGED UP. FLAMED UP LIKE SIRIUS. I WAS DELIRIOUS, WHEN I HEARD YOU COULD PUT SOMEONE’S NAME ON A STAR. FIRST CHANCE I GET, BUYING TWO STARS FOR YOU HONEY. FOR THE LIFE YOU LIVED AND THE LIFE YOU COULDN’T, CAUSE THEY TOOK IT FROM YOU AND I KNEW THAT I WOULDN’T, BE ABLE TO JUST LET YOUR MEMORY GO, I WOULDN’T. SO I WRITE TO YOU FLUENT, I WRITE TO YOU DOING, WHAT I’M RIGHTFULLY DOING. RIGHTFULLY PURSUING, A HAPPINESS YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE, SO I HAD TO THUG TO SEE, YOU WOULD SEE AND YOU’LL SEE BECAUSE IT IS OUR DESTINY. HONEY, YOU BRING THE BEST THINGS OUT OF THE PEOPLE YOU MET. YOU WERE DEARLY ENDEARING I’LL FOREVER REVERE YOUR NATURE. I REGRET NOT BEING ABLE TO TRADE PLACES WITH YOU OR TO HAVE BEEN THERE WITH YOU. IF I WAS WITH YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE LET THEM GET YOU. I WOULD HAVE TO HAVE GOTTEN TOO. REST IN PEACE, VANESSA MALONE.
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2023.03.19 01:06 FitInvestigator5945 Thursday, March 16, 2017 THE RESTLESS WRITER January 22 2016 A LIST OF FUTURE BLOG POSTS FOR THE UPCOMING YEARS TALES OF AN ALL NIGHTER THE RESTLESS WRITER January 22 2016 A LIST OF FUTURE BLOG POSTS FOR THE UPCOMING YEARS TALES OF AN ALL NIGHTER
POST NUMBER 16: WHAT I LEARNED FROM JOB TWO JOB NUMBER TWO TAUGHT ME TOO MUCHIT TAUGHT ME I WAS ABLE TO TOUCHOTHER’S SOULSBY BEING REPRESENTATIVE OF ANOTHER SOULTAPPING INTO IT’S INTERNAL RESORVOIROF HOPEHOPING TO COPEWITH THE DAY TO DAY REALITYOF FIGHTING THRU THE BANALITYOF A MUNDANE FEELINGEXISTENCEHOPING ONE DAY THE HEALINGWOULD TAKE PLACERAKING INTO MENTAL SPACEREELNGI LEARNED TO PUSH MYSELF HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE WAS PUSHING MEI LEARNED TO KEEP MY ENERGYWHOOSHING SEEHOW FAR I CAME ONCE I DECIDED TO KEEP GOING STRONGALL ALONG 2014 WAS THE YEAR OF MY FIRST 60-80HR WEEK. IT WAS THE MOST STRENOUS ACTIVITY I HAD PUT MYSELF THRU BESIDES WRESTLING FOR 5YEARS AS A SCHOOL STUDENT. I HAD TO WAKE UP AT 5AM AND BE AT WORK BY 6AM. I DIDN’T SEE MY BED AGAIN THOSE DAYS UNTIL AFTER MIDNIGHT. ON A REGULAR BASIS I GOT 4HRS OF GOOD SLEEP. THE FIRST THOUGHT CREEPING OUT OF MY MIND WAS “HOW LONG UNTIL I GET TO LAY DOWN HERE IN PEACE AGAIN?” THE ANSWER WAS 90% OF THE TIME “MIDNIGHT”. THEN I WOULD HAVE TO SIGH AND PUT ON MY GAME FACE. I WAS BORN WITH HYPERACTIVE SWEAT GLANDS SO NEEDLESS TO SAY I AM A SHOWER FREAK. I’D TAKE 3 30MINUTE SHOWERS A DAY IF I COULD GET AWAY WITH IT. I TAKE A SHOWER AS SOON AS I WAKE UP, AFTER MY SHIFT AND IMMEDIATELY BEFORE SLEEPING. THE FIRST SHIFT WAS EASY TO GET THRU BECAUSE I KNEW IT HAD A DEFINITE END BUT IT WASN’T MY DAY’S DEFINITE END. ONCE THE FIRST SHIFT WAS OVER I WAS IMMEDIATELY ALLOTTED WITH THE ENERGY TO GET THRU SHIFT TWO. JUST KNOWING I WAS HEADING FROM ONE WORKING ENVIRONMENT TO ANOTHER MORE COMFORTABLE ONE WAS INVIGORATING. EVERYONE AT JOB ONE HAD KNOWN ME FOR 2YEARS AND THOSE AT JOB TWO WERE ONLY GETTING TO KNOW ME. I FELT LIKE A NEW PERSON AT JOB TWO. THE ONLY VERSION OF ME THEY EVER KNEW WAS THE YOUNG MAN WORKING 80HRS A WEEK. THEY ONLY KNEW MY ADVANCED PERSONAL CHARM. THEY LEARNED I WAS WILLING TO WORK THE ENTIRE ROOM UNTIL I WAS GRANTED MORE SALUTATIONS THAN ANYONE ELSE. I LEARNED I WAS A SUPER HARD WORKER. THEY WERE ALWAYS ASKING ME IF I HAD ANY CHILDREN TO MOTIVATE SUCH A VIGOROUS GRINDING WORK ETHIC. IT PLEASED ME TO REPLY “NO” AND WATCH THEIR LIVE AMAZEMENT. TO WORK TWO JOBS DAILY WITHOUT COMPLAINING AND NO FAMILY TO PROVIDE FOR MUST HAVE BEEN INSPIRING TO THOSE WORKING ONE JOB TO PROVIDE FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR FAMILIES. I WAS WORKING THESE TWO JOBS MAINLY FOR CHARACTER BUILDING. I ENDED UP GIVING UP ENTIRE CHECKS FROM JOB ONE TO MY OLDER BROTHER WHO RAISED ME AS A FATHER FIGURE TO MAKE HIS LIFE EASIER. I CAN VIVIDLY REMEMBER LEANING AGAINST MY ROOM’S WALL ASKING MYSELF PRECARIOUSLY “WHAT THE HELL AM I WORKING SO HARD FOR?” THEN I RESUMED THE HELLISH SCHEDULE INDUCED UPON MYSELF. POST NUMBER 17: RETURNING TO ONE FULL TIME JOB I GOT FIRED FROM JOB ONEFOR HAVING TOO MUCH FUNWORKING AT JOB TWOAND I DID WHAT I HAD TOWHEN THE GM ASKED ME TO COVER ANOTHER SHIFTMY 3RD IN 2DAYSDURING MY 2DAYSOFF AT JOB ONEI NEEDED TO GET MY 2ND JOB TASK DONESO I PICKED UP AN OVERLAPPING SHIFTIT ONLY OVERLAPPED FOR ONE HOURYET IT CAUSED A RIFFWHEN I TEXTED MS. TINAAT JOB ONESHE WAS SO MEAN AH!SHE TOLD ME SHE NO LONGER NEEDED MEA DECISION SHE LIVED TO REGRETSHE HIRED ME BACK 4MONTHS LATERSHE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN A HATERI WAS THE HARDEST WORKER AT ALL OF MY PREVIOUS JOBSTHEY’LL ALWAYS NEED ME ONE DAY AT JOB TWO THE GENERAL MANAGER, DAVID, ASKED ME TO PULL A DOUBLE THAT NIGHT. I HAD JUST WORKED THE NIGHT BEFORE AS MAINTENANCE AND HE ASKED ME TO WORK THAT AFTERNOON AS WELL. THE OTHER MANAGER JESSICA SAW MY PLIGHT AND WONDERED WHY DAVID HAD SUMMONED ME ONCE MORE AND SHE SENT ME HOME. MR. DAVID WAS THERE WITH THE DISTRICT MANAGER AND THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY AND I WENT OVER TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO THEM AND BID MR. DAVID FAREWELL. I HAD SPENT THE PREVIOUS NIGHT EXCRUICIATINGLY DETAILING THE STORE FOR THE INSPECTION REVIEW. I TOLD THIS TO THE VP AND HE LAUGHED AND SAID THANK YOU. FOR ME TO WORK THAT NIGHT I WOULD HAVE HAD TO CALL OUT FOR ONE HOUR THE NEXT MORNING AT JOB ONE. MS. TINA, THE NEW MANAGER SUCCEEDING MR. BRYANT DECIDED TO FIRE ME FOR CALLING OUT FOR ONE HOUR 24HRS IN ADVANCE. I RECEIVED THE TEXT AS I WAS AT MY ROOMMATES HOUSE ON THE FLOOR ATTEMPTING TO SLEEP. SO I WOKE UP KNOWING I HAD ONLY HAD ONE JOB. I TOLD MR. DAVID THIS AND TOLD HIM I WOULDN’T BE SEEKING OUT ANOTHER JOB. THEN I WAS MORE SOLID IN HIS EYES. UP TO THIS POINT I HAD BEEN WORKING AT JOB TWO ON 50% DAILY ENERGY. AT THE TIME I WAS FIRED, I WAS JUST PASSING 30DAYS WORKING NON STOP; A FULL OFF DAY IS RARE WHEN YOU’RE OBLIGATED TO TWO JOBS. I HAD ABOUT TWO OR THREE DAYS OFF AT CRACKER BARREL AND THE WEEKENDS OFF AT MCDONALDS. I WORKED THURSDAY THRU SATURDAY NIGHT AS NIGHT MAINTENANCE AT CRACKER BARREL SO ONLY THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF THE WEEK WERE ONE JOBBING. TO GIVE ME MORE HOURS I HAD A FEW DISH ROOM SHIFTS SPRINKLED IN BETWEEN. I BELIEVE ON SUNDAY WAS THE DAY I SERVED AS BUS BOY, CLEANING THE TABLES INBETWEEN MEALS. THEY ALWAYS PICK THE NEATEST MOST PROFESSIONAL DISHWASHER TO GO OUT INTO THE DINING ROOMS I FOUND OUT. ANOTHER TRAIT I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF. I AM A PROFESSIONALLY NEAT YOUNG MAN. POST NUMBER 18: HOW I APPROACHED JOB TWO AS MY ONLY JOB JOB ONLY AT THIS TIME WAS CRACKER BARRELWORKING THERE OCCUPIED MY MINDBEFORE I STARTED WORKING ON ALL THESE RHYMESI HAD MORE TIME TO FINDMY NEW AMBITIONSI ALWAYS WAS AND STILL AM WISHINGI WAS EXCITED TO SEETHEM SO EXCITED TO SEE MEON THE DAILYEVERY WEEK THEY PAID METHEY GAVE ME MORE HOURSBECAUSE MY DEDICATION TO THEM TURNED MY OTHER JOB RELATIONSHIP SOURI APPRECIATED THATTHEY APPRECIATED MEI ENJOYED THE SUMMER OF ONE JOBI BOUGHT MY FIRST DSLR CAMERA, I ENJOYED PLAYING THE KNOB WORKING ONE JOB AFTER PERFORMING DAILY AT TWO LOCATIONS WAS THE EASIEST TRANSITION EVER. IT WAS TOUGH ONLY BECAUSE I WAS USED TO WORKING MYSELF TO THE GRISTLE. THE ONLY HARD THING ABOUT LOSING ONE OF TWO JOBS WAS THE AMOUNT OF ACTIVITY I WAS USED TO EXPLORING. I DID ENJOY THE SPARE TIME I HAD. I ENJOYED THE REST ONE JOB ALLOWS. I DID NOT ENJOY THE SINGLE PAYCHECK. IT WAS THE SMALLER PAYCHECK BUT THE MORE FREQUENT CHECK. MCDONALDS PAYS $500 BIWEEKLY AND I WAS MAKING $800 A MONTH AT CRACKER BARREL. AT MY PEAK I WAS BANKING ALMOST $2000 A MONTH BUT I WAS GIVING OUT $1000 TO MY OLDER BROTHER. WAS HE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME? HELL YEAH, HE OBVIOUSLY HAD NO ONE ELSE WHO WOULD BE THAT KIND TO HIM. I NEVER GOT THE MONEY BACK TO THIS DAY, I’LL NEVER GET IT BACK, FAMILY ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE A REASON NOT TO TREAT YOU 100%FAIR 100% OF THE TIME. I STOPPED GIVING OUT THE MONEY ONCE I ONLY HAD ONE SOURCE OF INCOME. BY THIS TIME I WAS INGRAINIATED INTO THE WORK ATMOSPHERE AT CRACKER BARREL. EVERYONE WAS USED TO ME AND ONLY A FEW PEOPLE WERE NOT WARMED UP TO ME. I FIND IT OBVIOUS IT’S THE ASSHOLES WHO DON’T WARM UP TO ME QUICKLY. IT ALWAYS TAKES THE ASSHOLES TIME TO ADJUST TO A NON ASSHOLE. EVENTUALLY MOST OF THE ASSHOLES DID IN TIME WARM UP TO ME. BY THIS TIME, I WAS DUE FOR AN EARLY EXIT. I LIKE TO LEAVE A JOB ON TOP, LIKE AN ARTIST SHOULD LEAVE THEIR CAREER. CRACKER BARREL WAS TO DATE MY FAVORITE JOB EVER SINCE MY FIRST JOB EVER AT INGLES. THEY USED TO CALL ME “MR. INGLES”. I HAVE YET TO EARN SUCH TREATMENT. I HAD GOTTEN HIRED BACK AT MCDONALDS 218 IN NOVEMBER. BY DECEMBER THE TOLL OF TWO JOBS WAS SOMETHING I JUST COULDN’T PAY. I WISH I HAD TAKEN MORE OUT OF ME TO PERFORM THAT STRENOUSLY ONCE MORE BUT IT JUST WASN’T THERE. I AM A CAPRICORN AND MY RETROGRADE IS SATURN RETROGRADE. SATURN RETROGRADE LASTS FOR HALF THE YEAR. FROM SPRING TIME TILL FALL I ENJOY MORE UNIVERSAL ENERGY AND ABILITY THAN I DO DURING THE FIRST AND LAST 3MONTHS OF THE YEAR. MY 2JOBS STARTED AND ENDED DURING MY 2014 RETROGRADE. IT WASN’T MY RETROGRADE ANYMORE AND SO I HAD TO SUFFER. I QUIT BOTH JOBS ON THE SAME DAY BECAUSE I PREFERRED JOB TWO BUT I COULDN’T GET TO JOB TWO WITHOUT JOB ONE. MY ONLY TRANSPORTATION WAS IN THE MORNING AND MY TRANSPORTATION WAS LOST IN A CAR ACCIDENT. I NEEDED TO FIND ANOTHER JOB CLOSER TO MY LIVING QUARTERS. IT TOOK ME 3WEEKS TO DO SO. I HAD A CRAPPY BIRTHDAY. I QUIT 3WEEKS BEFORE MY 25TH BIRTHDAY. POST NUMBER 19: 3WEEKS OF UNEMPLOYMENT THOSE 3WEEKS WERE ROUGHI SPENT ALL DAY IN BEDRESTING MY KNEESOH SO TOUGHI HAD BEEN ON MY KNEESIT TOOK TIME 3WEEKSTO PLEASE MY KNEESWITH THE SERENITYAH THE ENERGYGIVING TO METHE PAIN FELT ENDLESSLYWORN LIKE ATTIREYET IT MELTED SENSELESSLYI WISH I COULD HAVE RETIRED THOSE THREE WEEKS OF UNEMPLOYMENT WERE BASICALLY A WELL NEEDED UNPAID VACATION. A NECESSARY CATHARSIS FOR MY MIND, BODY AND SOUL. I FELT BAD AT NOT HAVING A JOB ONCE AGAIN BUT MY CONFIDENCE WAS UP. AT THIS POINT, I UNABASHEDLY KNEW HOW TO SELL MYSELF LIKE A PROFESSIONAL HOOKER TO PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYERS. I LEARNED THIS SOLIID SKILL AFTER BEING HIRED AT CRACKER BARREL. THE CONFIDENCE I GAINED FROM THE INTERVIEW LASTS FOREVER. I LEARNED HOW TO TALK TO A FUTURE MANAGER, HOW TO DISPLAY THE GRACE AND ETIQUETTE NEEDED TO ASCERTAIN THE JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE. I LEARNED HOW TO TRUST GOD AND PURSUE SOMETHING NEWLY DESIRED. I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE WARM UP TO ME BY WARMING UP TO THEM AND BEING NICER TO THEM THAN THEY ARE TO YOU. IF A PERSON HAS ANY UNCOMMON SENSE THEY WILL RECIPROCATE YOUR HEARTFELT ACCOMDATIONS. DURING THESE 3WEEKS I MAINLY RESTED IN BED DUE TO SHEER EXHAUSTION. I HAD NO WHERE TO GO, NOT EVEN ON MY BIRTHDAY. MY 25TH BIRTHDAY WAS PENDING AND I HAD NOTHING TO DO AND NOT ENOUGH TO SMOKE. I DID SMOKE AS I TURNED 25 AND RIGHT AFTER MY BIRTHDAY HAD PASSED. I REMEMBER WATCHING A PREMIUM CHANNEL ON TV AND MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MOVIE “BULLETPROOF” STARRING ADAM SANDLER AND DAMON WAYANS WAS ON. I ENJOYED THE KINDNESS THE UNIVERSE HAD BESTOWED UPON MY UNEMPLOYED ASS ON MY BIRTHDAY. IT MADE UP FOR A SUCKY BIRTHDAY, BUT IN RETROSPECT, AT LEAST I WAS ALIVE TO SEE IT COME AND GO. TO DATE I HAVE SEEN ONE MORE COME AND GO. WILL I SEE ANOTHER ONE COME AND GO? I CAN’T CALL IT, I WOULDN’T MIND THOUGH. IF I AM NOT ALIVE ON MY 27TH BIRTHDAY THEN MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I DIDN’T DIE AT 28. AT 27 I CAN SAY I HAVE BEEN WRITING POETRY FOR 20YRS AND I AM EAGER TO SEE HOW MY 20TH YEAR AS A WRITER PAYS OFF. MY ONLY GOAL AT THIS POINT IS TO TRANSITION INTO WRITER’S YEAR 20 AS A SELF PUBLISHED AUTHOR WILL ALL 9 OF HIS CURRENT WORKS AVAILABLE FOR SELL ON LULU.COM AND ALL HIS AUDIO BOOKS AND THE COMPLETE SIGNATURE ME COMEDY SERIES AVAILABLE FOR FREE. IF I NEVER LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE MY WORK PROSPER, I WANT IT TO AT LEAST BE AVAILABLE TO PROSPER ON ITS OWN. I DON’T WANT MY CREATIVE WORKS TO LIVE AS OBSCURE OF A LIFE AS MY LIFE HAS YET TO SHAKE. POST NUMBER 20: THE LAST JOB I HAVE HAD SO FAR AFTER MY 3WEEK STINT AT UNEMPLOYED INCORPORATEDI INCORPORATEDWHAT I HAD LEARNEDFROM ALL PREVIOUS WORKHOW TO TWERKTHE INFORMATION BURNEDINTO MY MAIN FRAMEI WENT BACK TO MCDONALDSI DID THE SAME THINGEXCEPT IT WAS A NEW FRANCHISE OWNERWHO GAVE ME A SHOTI FELT HOTI GOT HIRED ON NEW YEARS EVEA FEW DAYS AFTER A CRAPPY BIRTHDAYNEW YEARS WASN’T THE WORST DAYTHE LAST JOB I ACQUIRED WAS WEEKEND MAINTENANCE AT A NEW MCDONALDS. IT WAS ACTUALLY A NEWLY BUILT STORE TAKING BUSINESS AWAY FROM MY PREVIOUS MCDONALDS ON 218. THIS MCDONALDS WAS ON JONESBORO RD. I WAS HIRED BY MR. BRANDON. HE WAS THE ASSISTANT MANAGER. A FEW WEEKS LATER HE WAS TRANSFERRED UP THE ROAD FOR A GM POSITION. IT’S REALLY WEIRD HOW THE UNIVERSE SHIFTS PEOPLE AROUND IN MY LIFE FOR MY ACCOMODATIONS. I REALLY ENJOYED THIS JOB ALL YEAR ROUND. I HELD ON TO IT UNTIL NOVEMBER. THIS WAS MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER WORKING TWO JOBS ALL THRU OUT 2014 ON EXIT 218. I ENJOYED GETTING OFF THAT STRIP FINALLY. BY THE TIME I SPENT MY FIRST PAYCHECK I WAS ENJOYING MY NEW POSITION. I WAS THE NEW GUY WHO KNEW HOW EVERYTHING WORKED MOSTLY. THE GM WAS MR. BEN AND I FAVORED HIM MUCH. THE NEW ASSISTANT MANAGER SUCCEEDING MR. BRANDON WAS MS. TEMETRIA. SHE AND I HAD A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP. DURING MARCH IS WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGED IN MY CONSCIOUSNESS. I ENCOUNTERED MY MOST RECENT NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE. I HAD ALMOST GOTTEN SMASHED BY A WHITE DODGE TRUCK IN FRONT OF A RED LIGHT. THEY WERE TRYING TO TURN WHERE I WAS WALKING STRAIGHT. I HAD WORKED FROM THE PREVIOUS NIGHT UP UNTIL NOON TO 3PM. I WAS TOO TIRED TO NOTICE MY IMPENDING DEATH AND AT THE LAST MINUTE THE DODGE SWERVED TWICE IN FRONT OF ME. ONCE I HAD REALIZED WHAT HAD ALMOST HAPPENED TO MY BODY, MIND AND LIFE I DECIDED TO WALK THE OTHER WAY FROM WHICH I HAD JUST CAME. THAT WAS MY WAY OF SAYING “MY BAD” FOR ALMOST COSTING MYSELF MY LIFE. THE WALK HOME WAS THE STRANGEST. IT TOOK ME 2DAYS TO ADMIT THE HAPPENING ON FB WHEN NORMALLY I POST EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY,I WAS EMBARRASSED. ALL THE WAY HOME I FELT LIKE THERE WAS ANOTHER UNIVERSE WHERE THAT VERSION OF ME DIED ON THE SCENE AND THE FAMILY WAS PREPARING FOR THE FUNERAL. I WONDERED IF I HAD DIED, WHAT WOULD I HAVE LEFT BEHIND AS MY CREATIVELY ARTISTIC LEGACY? AT THAT MOMENT THE ANSWER WAS NOTHING. FROM THIS POINT, I WAS GRANTED ACCESS TO AN ARTISTIC DEATH CONSCIOUSNESS…THE POINT WHERE EVERYTHING CHANGED FOR ME AS A PERSON AND AS AN ARTIST. POST NUMBER 21: THE ARTISTIC DEATH CONSCIOUSNESS ANYDAY COULD BE MY LASTI MAY NOT GET A CHANCE TO CASHIN ON MY ARTISTRYYET AND STILL MY ARTISTRYIS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO METHE SERENITYIT BRINGS TO MEBRINGS ALONG WITH ITA NEW GIMMICKTO STICK ITTO THE LEGENDARY HALL OF FAMEAS AN ARTIST WHO CHANGED THE GAMEBY CHANGING HIS STAGE NAMENO MORE BRAIN IN THE CAGESOCIETY KEEPS THE MIND ENSLAVEDENRAGEDI UNCAGEDMY FUN RAGEI STAYED ARTISTICALLY ENGAGEDBECAUSE BESIDES THAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO NOTHING BUTTHE GRAVEYEAH AND YOU HAVEN’T SAID NOTHING WHAT? THE ARTISTIC DEATH CONSCIOUSNESS GOES AND FLOWS LIKE THIS. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE AS YOU IN YOUR CURRENT BODY. YOUR SPIRIT MAY RETURN 20YRS LATER AFTER A REJUVENATION PERIOD IN ANOTHER BODY AND YET AGAIN IT MAY NOT. AS AN ARTIST, YOUR MAIN RESPONSIBILITY IS TO ENDLESSLY AND PURELY EXPRESS YOURSELF. YOUR ONLY PREREQUISITE FOR BEING A SUCCESSFUL ARTIST IS TO BE AN EXPRESSIVE ARTIST. AS LONG AS YOU ENDLESSLY EXPRESS YOURSELF CREATIVELY, DAY IN AND DAY OUT, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR. AN ARTIST’S BIGGEST FEAR IS FEAR OF FAILURE. AN ARTIST FEARS NO ONE CLINGING TO THEIR ART AND SUPPORTING THE MESSAGE THEY SPEW FROM THEIR HEART. AN ARTIST FEARS NEVER BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY AS AN ARTIST. AN ARTIST FEARS NEVER HAVING THE CHANCE TO RELEASE A PROJECT, GO ON TOUR AND PERFORM IN FRONT OF JAM PACKED STUDIO ARENAS. AN ARTIST FEARS NEVER REALIZING THEIR PERSONAL GOALS THRU EXPRESSIVE CREATIVITY OR CREATIVE EXPRESSION. THIS IS WHEN I CREATED THE SOLUTION TO ALL ASPIRING ARTISTS WHOSE MAIN CONCERN IS NOT BEING ALIVE TO SEE THEIR DREAMS COME TO FRUITION. THE DEATH VAULT IS THE ANSWER TO OUR ARTISTIC FEARS. THE DEATH VAULT WILL BE DETAILED IN THE NEXT POST. THE DEATH VAULT WILL SEAL YOUR SPOT ON THE WALL OF FAME. THE DEATH VAULT WILL ACCOMPLISH YOUR ARTISTIC GOALS WHETHER YOU ARE ALIVE OR NOT. THE DEATH VAULT WILL RELEASE A TON OF STRESS ON YOU AFTER YOU COMPLETE THE STRESSFUL TASK. THE DEATH VAULT WILL ALLOW YOUR WORK TO LIVE ON PAST YOUR DEATH DATE. THE DEATH VAULT WILL BE YOUR CALLING CARD. YOUR DEATH VAULT IS AN ENHANCED AND TIME TRAVELLING PORTFOLIO. YOUR DEATH VAULT IS YOUR INSURANCE POLICY AS AN ARTIST. IF YOU DIE PREMATURELY, YOUR ART WILL STILL BE VISIBLE AND WORTH MORE SINCE YOU ARE NO LONGER PRESENTLY WALKING THE EARTH. POST NUMBER 21: THE DEATH VAULT IMAGINE YOU DIEDAND EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER LOVED YOU CRIEDWISHING TO SEE ONE MORE CONSCIOUS SPARKLE IN YOUR EYELEFT OR RIGHTIT DOESN’T MATTERTHEY CHATTERABOUT WHAT YOU MEANT TO THEMHOPEFULLY THEY THANK GOD HE HAD YOU SENT TO THEMTHEY WISH THEY COULD HEAR YOU SPEAKONCE MOREJUST ONCE MOREWOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO BE VOCALLY ADORED?WHAT IF YOU HAD ONE LAST JOKE FROM YOUR LIFE’S TOUR?WHAT IF YOU HAD SOMETHING ARTISTICALLY GENIUS IN STORE?CREATIVELY STOREDAFTER YOU EMPTIED YOUR MENTAL INVENTORYALL INTO YOUR DEATH VAULTSO JUST IN CASE YOU FELL TO YOUR DOOM YOUR CAREER HITS A CATAPULT THE DEATH VAULT IS THE ULTIMATE INSURANCE POLICY FOR A CREATIVE ARTIST. MICHAEL JACKSON’S LIVING NETWORTH WAS ALMOST $500MILLION. ONCE HE DIED, HIS ESTATE WAS VALUED AT $2BILLION. HIS WORTH INCREASED TIMES FOUR WITHIN 2YEARS OF HIS UNTIMELY DEATH. THIS IS CLASSIFIED AS THE DEAD PEASANT POLICY. STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, YOU ARE WORTH MORE AS AN ARTIST WHEN YOU CAN’T PROFIT FROM YOUR ART ANYMORE. IF YOU CAN NOT PROFIT FROM YOUR ART THEN THAT MEANS YOU ARE NO LONGER LIVING. IF YOU CAN NOT CREATE ART ANYMORE THEN ANYTHING YOU HAVE ALREADY CREATED OR RELEASED OR NOT RELEASED IS MORE VALUABLE NOW. WHEN PEOPLE MISS AN ARTIST, THEY GO BACK TO THEIR CATALOGUE AND REMINENSCE. AS AN ARTIST YOUR WORK BECOMES PRICELESS ONCE YOU DIE AND LOSE THE ABILITY TO CREATE ANY NEW ART. YOUR ACTIVE CAREER IS OVER BUT YOUR WORKS LIVE ON.THE DEATH VAULT IS AN ARTISTIC CHALLENGE. MOST ARTISTS HAVE MANY IDEAS ROAMING AND GROWING IN THEIR MINDS. THE DEATH VAULT IS AN EXPEDITED PROCESS OF ONLY FOCUSING ON THE CREATIVE PROCESS TO KNOCK OUT ALL MENTAL PROJECTS. ANY IDEAS YOU WANT TO ONE DAY MAKE AND RELEASE, YOU HAVE TO TAKE ALL THOSE IDEAS AND FINISH THEM. YOU WANT TO FINISH THEM BEFORE YOUR CAREER EVEN STARTS. IF YOU ARE BLESSED ENOUGH TO BE A WORKING ARTIST BEFORE YOUR DEATH VAULT IS COMPLETE THEN MAY GOD CONTIUE TO BLESS YOU.THE DEATH VAULT IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR ENTIRE CAREER’S WORTH OF ART CREATED IN ONE CONTINUOUS TIME PERIOD. WHEN AN ARTISIT FOCUSES ON THE RESULTS OF THEIR NEW PROJECT, THEY UNWITTINGLY STIMULATE STAGNATION. BY CONSIDERING THE IMPROBABILITIES OF A SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE TASK TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR ARTISTIC GOALS, YOU ARE REDUCING YOUR ENERGY TO PRODUCING A FEAR INDUCED MINDSET.IF YOU ARE FOCUSED ON THE SALES OF AN UNFINISHED BOOK, THE BOOK MAY FOREVER REMAIN UNFINISHED. YOU MUST CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU WON’T BE ALIVE TO SEE THE RELEASE OF THE PROJECT AND SO ALL YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER IS THE ACTUAL PROJECT FINALIZATION. POST NUMBER 22: THE DEATH VAULT PART 2 EVERY IDEA YOU HADWRITE IT DOWNEXPAND ON IT RELENTLESSLY UNTIL IT IS FINISHEDRECITE IT NOWAREN’T YOU EXCITED NOW?IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU SEE YOUR SUCCESSYOUR SUCCESS WILL SEE YOU THRUIT WILL SEE YOU TOTHE PERSONAL GOALS YOU HAVE SET FOR YOUAND YOURSELFFOR YOUR HEALTH’SBENEFITYOU WENT AGAINSTALL THOUGHTS OF FEARSUCH THOUGHTS STAY NEARTHE ONLY WAY TO STAY CLEAROF SUCH EMOTIONAL ROAD BLOCKSARE TO THROW STOPSAND PAUSEBUT NEVER PAUSE ON CREATING YOUR ART NON STOPBECAUSE EVEN IF YOU GET POPPED BY A ROGUE COPYOUR CAREER WILL FOREVER CHART POP THE DEATH VAULT IS HOW A CREATIVE ARTIST EMPLOYS THE DEATH CONSCIOUSNESS. THE DEATH CONSCIOUSNESS IS THE WAY A PERSON LIVES THEIR LIFE AS IF IT COULD END THAT DAY. ANYDAY COULD BE YOUR LAST AND AS AN ARTIST, ANY PROJECT COULD BE YOUR LAST. WHAT ARTIST PURPOSELY WANTS TO LEAVE BEHIND AN UNFINISHED PROJECT? HOW CAN AN UNFINISHED PROJECT BE ACCURATELY JUDGED WHEN IT NEVER MATURED TO COMPLETION? THE ARTISTIC COMPLETION OF A CREATIVE PROJECT ALL COMES DOWN TO TIME AND CHANCE. HOW MUCH TIME DID THE ARTIST HAVE TO WORK ON IT AND HOW MANY CHANCES DID HE HAVE TO WORK ON IT? AS LONG AS YOU HAVE THE TIME TO WORK ON A PROJECT AND ANOTHER CHANCE TO DO SO, THEN IT’S COMPLETION ALL BOILS DOWN TO YOUR WORK ETHIC AND DEDICATION/DETERMINATION. SELF IMPOSED WILL IS ALL YOU NEED. IT’S HARD TO COMPLETE AN ENTIRE CAREER’S WORTH OF ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT UNLESS YOU ARE CONVINCED YOU WIILL NOT SEE TOMORROW, LET ALONE THE UPSTART OF YOUR CAREER. I WILL ADMIT IT IS STRESSFUL AT FIRST BUT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE EXCEPT THE APPRECIATION FOR WASTING YOUR OWN TIME. ONLY A TRUE ARTIST CAN START THIS TASK AND ONLY A TRUER ARTIST CAN ACCOMPLISH THIS TASK. YOU WILL NOTICE YOUR CREATIVE AMBITIONS BEING REALIZED EVEN IF YOU DON’T BLOW UP WHILE BREATHING. YOUR ARTISTIC DESIRE WILL PUMP BLOOD THRU OUT TIME FOR YOU. THE DEATH VAULT IS YOUR WAY OF PRESERVING YOUR IDEAS ON RECORD IN CASE YOU DON’T LIVE TO SEE THEM FULLY CREATED. ONCE YOU HAVE A LIST OF ALL THE PROJECTS YOU INTEND TO USE YOUR CAREER PRODUCING, YOU CAN START ACTIVELY PRODUCING EACH IDEA ONE AFTER THE OTHER. THE DEATH VAULT IS YOUR CHANCE TO PRESERVE THE EMOTION YOU FELT AS A STARVING ARTIST IN CASE YOU LIVE TO SEE A 50YEAR CAREER. POST NUMBER 23: THE DEATH VAULT PART 3 PICK YOUR FAVORITEARTISTAND LISTEN TO THEIR FIRST 3ALBUMSWHICH ONE WAS YOUR FAVORITE?AND WHY?DID THEIR ARTISTIC DECLINEMAKE YOU CRY?WHY ARE YOU CLAMING ITDOESN’T MATTER HOW RICHAN ARTIST GETSIT ISN’T ALWAYS A SINCHTO BRING NEW TRICKSTO NEW PROJECTSWHEN YOU NO LONGER LIVE IN THE PROJECTSAND HAVE BECOME A MULTI MILLIONAIRE FROM YOUR CREATIVE PROJECTSA SINGER’S 1ST ALBUM IS MOST TIMESTHEIR PURESTFOR CREATIVELY THEY WERE AT THEIR SURESTBEFORE THEIR EXTREME WEALTH INTRODUCED MORE BOASTING RHYMES THE DEATH VAULT ALSO GETS RID OF SUCCESS SATURATION. IN “THE DARK KNIGHT RISES”, DURING THE BANE FIGHT, BANE TELLS BATMAN VICTORY HAS DEFEATED HIM. WHEN YOU PICK A MUSICIAN AND YOU LISTEN TO THEIR COMPLETE DISCOGRAPHY, YOU MAY REALIZE THEIR TOP 3 ALBUMS OF CREATIVE EXPRESSION ARE THEIR FIRST 3 ALBUMS. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAS ALBUM? IS IT “ILLMATIC” OR “STILLMATIC”? IS IT NEITHER? WHY? WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE JAY-Z ALBUM? IS IT “REASONABLE DOUBT” OR “THE BLUEPRINT”? IS IT THE “BLUEPRINT” ONE OR THREE? WHY? SOME FANS MAY LIKE HEARING THE ALBUMS THAT BOAST OF THE SUCCESSFUL CAREERS THE ARTIST HAS HAD. SOME FANS MAY LIKE THE PURE DESPERATION FOR SUCCESS CONSUMING THE FIRST ALBUM. MANY SINGERS OR RAPPERS FIND IT HARD TO MAKE THEIR 2 FOLLOW UP ALBUMS AS CREATIVELY SUPERIOR AS THEIR DEBUT. HOW CAN YOU CREATE ART AS PURE AS A STARVING ARTIST WHEN YOU ARE NO LONGER A STARVING ARTIST? THE DEATH VAULT IS THE ANSWER, OR AT LEAST THE MOST DRAMATIC ONE TO EMPLOY IN YOUR JOURNEY. THE DEATH VAULT ALLOWS YOU TO CREATE ONE AFTER THE OTHER ALL OF YOUR MOST POTENT IDEAS AS A STARVING ARTIST. IF YOU HAVE 20 PROJECTS WORTH OF FILMS, NOVELS OR ALBUMS IN YOUR MIND, THEN GET THEM OUT. GET THESE IDEAS OUT AS RAPIDLY AS POSSIBLE. FORM ONE IDEA FULLY, THEN WORK ON FORMING THE NEXT IDEA AS YOU WORK ON YOUR MOST FULLY FORMED IDEA. ONCE IDEA NUMBER ONE IS COMPLETE, YOUR FOLLOW UP IS QUED AND READY TO BE WORKED OUT. WHILE WORKING PROJECT TWO OUT, YOU FORM UP PROJECT THREE SOME MORE. YOU KEEP THIS UP FOR 365DAYS NON STOP AND YOU WILL WITNESS THE EXPLORATION OF YOUR DEEPEST PITS OF CONSCIOUSNESS. YOU WILL ALSO WITNESS YOUR CREATIVE STATURE IMPROVE SO MUCH YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF INTERTWINING WITH THE ARTIST YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE…PERIOD. THE DEATH VAULT HAS AN UPSIDE AS WELL. THE FIRST 2YEARS OF TRANSFERRING YOUR LIVING PORTFOLIO INTO YOUR DEATH VAULT MAY BE THE HARDEST. LORD KNOWS THE FIRST YEAR IS STILL GOING ON FOR ME AND I AM MORE AT PEACE WITH IT. THERE IS A HUGE UPSIDE IF YOU SURVIVE THE 1ST WAVE OF YOUR CREATIVE ARTISTIC DEATH VAULT. POST NUMBER 24: THE DEATH VAULT PART 4 LET’S SAY YOU TAKE ON THE CHALLENGEAND YOU DO SURVIVETHE FIRST WAVETHE DETERMINATION YOU HAVE DISPLAYEDIN THE WAY YOU HAVE BEHAVEDWILL ALLOW YOU NOT TO HAVE TO SCAVENGEFOR FRUITFUL PROJECTSONCE YOUR CAREER TREE BEGINS TO SPROUTLIKE BRUSSELLNO YOU STOP IT!CREATINGYOU NEVER STOPPED ITAS A STARVING ARTISTYET YOU WILL SEE YOU WERE THE SMARTESTIF YOU HAVE 5 PROJECTS COMPLETED WITH AN EMPTY BELLYONCE YOUR TOUR STARTS AND YOUR SECOND PROJECT IS NEEDEDMY CURRENT ADVICE YOU ALREADY HEEDED ITAND YOUR 2ND PROJECT IS AS PURE AS YOUR 1STNOW DO YOU SMELL ME? LET’S SAY YOU EMPLOY THE DEATH VAULT STRATEGY IN YOUR ARTISTIC JOURNEY. LET’S SAY YOU WRITE A LIST OF ALL OF YOUR MOST POTENT AND LONG WITHSTANDING IDEAS. LET’S SAY YOU WORKED ON THIS LIST NON STOP, EVERY DAY, BACK TO BACK, ONE AFTER THE OTHER. LET’S SAY YOU ACTUALLY COMPLETE YOUR FIRST 20COMPLETED PROJECTS WITHING AN 800DAY PERIOD. LET’S SAY YOU TAKE ON THE DEATH VAULT CHALLENGE, 2YEARS LATER YOU WILL BE THE ARTIST YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE. YOU WILL BE AN ARTIST WHO NEVER CATCHES WRITER’S BLOCK. YOU WILL BE AN ARTIST WHO IS ALWAYS INSPIRED TO CONTINUE THE CREATION PROCESS. YOU WILL BE AN ARTIST WHO HAS NEVER FORGOTTEN HOW IT FELT TO STARVE. YOU WILL BE AN ARTIST WHOSE 2ND ALBUM, NOVEL OR FILM MATCHES THE POTENCY OF THE 1ST ALBUM, NOVEL OR FILM. THE SUCCESS OF YOUR 1ST COMMERCIALLY RELEASED PROJECT WILL NOT SATURATE THE 2ND PROJECT YOU RELEASE BECAUSE IT WAS CREATED DIRECTLY AFTER THE 1ST PROJECT BUT BEFORE THE 1ST WAS EVEN RELEASED. AT THIS POINT, EVERY PIECE OF ART YOU PROJECT TO THE WORLD WILL NOT BE FURTHER SATURATED BY YOUR PREVIOUS SUCCESS BECAUSE YOU TIRELESSLY CRAFTED OUT EACH PROJECT WHILE STILL UNSUCCESSFUL AT GARNERING A BUZZ FOR YOUR CAREER. THE WHOLE POINT OF THE DEATH VAULT IS TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR 1ST PROJECT’S SUCCESS. THIS WILL STRESS YOU OUT BUT AFTER YOU GET OVER THIS HUMP YOU WILL BE CONVINCED ONLY YOUR ART WILL SURVIVE THIS PROCESS. IN NO TIME YOU WILL BE WORKING ON YOUR 2ND SET OF 5PROJECTS. ONCE YOU HIT PROJECT 10’S COMPLETION AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T PROFESSIONALLY DEBUTED AS AN ARTIST, ALL THE BETTER. THE CLOCK IS TICKING IN YOUR FAVOR. THE MORE PROJECTS YOU CAN CREATE WITHIN THIS TIMEFRAME YOU SPEND AS A STARVING ARTIST, THE MORE POTENT EACH RELEASE WILL BE ONCE YOUR FANBASE PAYS YOUR BILLS. LET’S SAY YOUR 1ST PROJECT OF TEN EARNS YOU $100MILLION, PROJECT TWO WILL NOT REFLECT YOUR SUCCESS AT ALL, THUS ENSURING YOUR POTENCY REIGNS SUPREME. YOU WILL BE THE RARE ARTIST WHO HAS TRANSCENDED THE CONCURRENT ISSUE OF HAVING GROWN TOO SUCCESSFUL TOO QUICKLY. POST NUMBER 25: THE DEATH VAULT REVISITED AS AN ARTISTYOU HOPE YOU MAKE ITAND AS AN ARTISTI HOPE YOU MAKE IT TOOI HOPE YOU SEE IT THRUCOMPLETIONONLY EDITNEVER DELETIONTHE ONLY CREDITDUEIS TO GODAND TO YOUFOR HE GAVE YOU THE TALENTAND YOU WERE SMART ENOUGH TO USE ITENDLESSLYDAY IN AND DAY OUTSENSELESSLYTYPE THE PLAY INAND WATCH IT ALL PAY INAND PAY OUTJUST REMEMBER TO PAY DOUBTNOTHINGHE’LL ONLY BUY BOOZE WITH ITLISTEN TO HIM AND YOU LOSEPICK THE DEATH VAULT STRATEGY AND WHEN YOU’RE WORTH $100MILLION AND YOU NEED A NEW PROJECT WITH SUBSTANCEOPEN UP THE VAULT AND YOU CHOOSE THE DEATH VAULT WAS A DESPERATE STATEMENT OF MY CONDITION AS AN ARTIST TO SURVIVE THRU MY ART. ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE ARE NEVER UNDER OUR CONTROL AND JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A TALENT, DOESN’T MEAN YOU WILL LIVE TO DEVELOP IT INTO SKILL UNLESS YOU WORK ON YOUR CRAFT EVERY DAY UNTIL YOU GROW SKILLED. ONCE YOUR TALENT IS DEVELOPED INTO SKILL, ALL YOU CAN DO IS CREATE PROJECT AFTER PROJECT UNTIL YOU HAVE A VERY SKILLED PORTFOLIO. AS AN ARTIST, YOUR PORTFOLIO IS YOUR MOST IMPORTANT ASSET. WHAT CAN YOU OFFER TO THE AUDIENCE AS AN ARTIST? YOUR PROJECTS ARE YOUR GOLD. THEY ARE PRICELESS TO YOU BEFORE YOU PLACE A PRICE TO IT AND THEN THEY BECOME PRICELESS TREASURES ONCE YOU DIE. EVERYBODY DOESN’T WANT TO DIE BUT THEY HAVE TO ANYWAY. SOME PEOPLE LEAVE CHILDREN BEHIND AS THEIR LEGACY.STARVING ARTISTS MAY NOT WANT TO BREED WITHOUT HAVING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER. AS A MAN I DO NOT WANT A FAMILY BEFORE I CAN SUPPORT IT WITH A SUCCESSFUL CAREER. THE SUCCESSFUL CAREER I AM PURSUING IS OF A MEDIA MOGUL STARTING OUT AS A PUBLISHING CAREER. AN ARTIST ONLY WANTS TO MAKE A CAREER OUT OF THEIR GOD GIVEN TALENT.THE LEGACY I WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND AS DAVID CRICHTON PUBLISHING INC. IS OF A CREATIVE GENIUS. I WANT MY FANBASE TO KNOW I APPRECIATE THEM BEFORE I MEET THEM. IN CASE I NEVER EXPERIENCE MY FANBASE, I WANT MY FANBASE TO EXPERIENCE MY ART FORM. I WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND ALL THE COMPLETED WORKS I CAN MUSTER UP THE STRENGTH TO FINISH AFTER STARTING PROMPTLY.I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE CREATIVE LEGEND OF MY TIME. I WANT TO SPREAD THE TACTICS I HAVE LEARNED THRU OUT MY JOURNEY TO HELP INFLUENCE THE FUTURE CREATIVE LEGENDS OF THEIR TIME. I WANT TO EARN MY TIME TO SHINE. IF I NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO LIVE TO SEE IT, I STILL WANT MY FUTURE FANBASE TO GET A CHANCE TO APPRECIATE THE ART COMING FROM MY GOD GIVEN TALENT.THE CREATIVE DEATH VAULT IS THE MOST SELFLESS THING I HAVE EVER DONE AS AN ARTIST. IT’S SELFLESS TO SAY I AM GOING TO CRAFT OUT ALL MY PROJECTS IN ONE TIME FRAME IN CASE I NEVER MAKE IT TO THE CAREER ELEVATION TIME FRAME. IT IS SELFLESS OF ME TO PLACE LINKS TO ALL THE AUDIO VERSIONS OF MY BOOKS ONLINE FOR MY FUTURE FANBASE TO DEVOUR FOR FREE.THE DEATH VAULT IS MY WAY OF SHOWING GOD AND THE UNIVERSE I AM IN FACT SERIOUS ABOUT MY FUTURE CAREER AS A MAINSTREAM ARTIST. IF GOD DOES BLESS ME WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO GAIN FINANCE FOR MY PROJECTS OR TO GET INTO SCHOOL OR TO GAIN INVESTMENTS ALLOWING ME TO FUND MY OWN MEDIA COMPANIES AND DISTRIBUTE MY OWN MATERIAL, I WILL BE PREPARED.I DON’T DOUBT I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, I JUST DON’T KNOW IF I’LL LIVE TO SEE IT. I’M 26 AND I HAVE TWO FRIENDS WHO NEVER SAW 19, THERE’S NO WAY I CAN BE BRASH ENOUGH TO CLAIM HOW LONG I WILL LIVE. I’VE SEEN MORE THAN 5YEARS OF LIFE THAN THEY EVER DID AND I APPRECIATE THE BLESSING. I COULD DIE TOMORROW. ADVANCING THRU SOCIETY THE WAY THEY SAY I SHOULD MAY END IN ME DYING BEFORE I ACHIEVE THE STATUS QUO. THE DEATH VAULT ALLOWS ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO CREATE A CAREER’S WORTH OF PROJECTS BEFORE MY 1ST COMMERCIAL PROJECT GOES PLATINUM. IF IT DOES GO PLATINUM, THEN I WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY 2ND PROJECT BEING SATURATED BY MY SUCCESS. I WON’T HAVE TO RELEASE A PROJECT SATURATED BY MY OWN SUCCESS UNTIL PROJECT NUMBER 20-30. AND THAT IS THE ULTIMATE BENEFIT OF THE DEATH VAULT; BEING THE ULTIMATE ARTIST.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
Posted by David X Crichton
at 5:54 PM
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