How to copy text from bluebeam

So I seemed to draw a conclusion pretty soon after my experience of seeing a UFO (for all of 3-5 seconds) about light & it recently made me think why there might be more sightings at night.
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Could it scientifically be possible to track the photons your light emits, and detect what picks up that light? For example, if you had a torch, and shined it across a sector of land, could it be possible to tell if any of that light was picked up by life, and potentially even what life it would be? Or what wavelengths of light are being picked up etc.
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That would enable a craft or vessel with that kind of technology, to know when it's being picked up by eyes, cameras, animals & to have reactionary programs built in when X criteria is met. We could probably do the 2nd half of that now, with things like lidar and self driving cars/rockets/robots etc. But would it be possible for these craft to know what was being picked up by photons. This could work shorter range & longer range, potentially allowing other civilisations to know where life is amongst the universe, by detecting where the light you're emitting is being picked up.
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We see light that is billions of years old, when looking at the night sky. We could be "giving away our position" as easily as that.
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It may explain why crafts are seen more often at night, they depend on light & light reactions for manoeuvres. This could easily be tech that is billions of years old, and the inhabitants themselves don't fully understand - the same way one of our astronauts wouldn't understand every aspect of a rocket and how/why it works. We stand on the millenia of knowledge before us.
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Moreover, it's alleged that Rosewell was a crash based around nuclear bomb testing, and the disruption to EM (light) waves. Other people suggest lasers have effects on the crafts. We've all heard of things being beamed up & seeing lights just before incidents. They would need to travel at a significant portion of lightspeed if they're not immediately close to earth. There is speculation that fibre optics were back engineered from craft.
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This seems to align with my personal experience, and the motion that I witnessed. I wanted to see what other people might think or know if my theory of gaining information from light is possible and fits in with other peoples understanding of things?

I only started reading a little over 2 years ago and it's been one of the best things I've decided to pick up on a whim. I began my journey with A Game of Thrones, a decision that I would soon find to potentially be a mistake once I realized how complicated the series was. Perhaps not the most beginner friendly thing. But I was in love with the plot and the characters and the world, so over the course of a period of time I'm not comfortable sharing out of embarrassment, I eventually got through it.
Books 2 and 3 of the series went quicker and I found myself enjoying the books more and more, book 3 especially. I read all 3 of these books back to back so I decided to take a break from the series there to explore what other books had to offer. I read Project Hail Mary and Six of Crows, and both were a very fun experience.
When I returned to the series I noticed something though. I found it much more difficult to get through book 4 than any of the others, for reasons I was not able to place then. I thought I had just soiled my reading comprehension ability by reading two other easier books and now I couldn't read this. Still, I trudged through it.
I took another break there to read Crooked Kingdom and now I'm back to book 5, A Dance with Dragons. And it's been a nightmare. It's been months and I'm not even 300 pages in cause its so hard to find motivation to pick it up. I'm noticing specific things about the writing that I absolutely hate. Chapters take way too long to get to the point and sometimes there is no point. Like I just read a Davos chapter where LITERALLY nothing noteworthy happened. And I'm just sick of it man, I've honestly considered dropping the book but I'm so close to the conclusion (for now) of this series. I really don't know what to do, every reading session feels like wading through molasses. I can only read a chapter or 2 at a time and have to take frequent breaks to check my phone or to just sit and contemplate for a bit why I'm still even reading this.
I'm not necessarily looking for solutions or suggestions although you're certainly welcome to share any. I just wanted to vent about this and to see if other people have similar opinions. I've heard that books 4 and 5 are where the series fell off so maybe I'm not crazy. But there's always a voice in the back of my mind telling me that the only reason it's such a slog is because I'm not smart enough to handle all the little complexities of the book. Idk man

Just a simple question, though from my perspective, this would be specifically a HL person writing to their LL partner.
I know it sounds basic and overly simplistic, almost childish or cowardly... but looking around, there are a number of talented writers here who put their thoughts and feelings into words with vivid detail. My therapist recommended it to me as a last ditch technique when other forms of communication have deteriorated or outright failed. It's certainly a way to remove oneself from the emotion of the situation, and really get the jist of what you mean down in black and white.
Personally, I was thinking of trying it soon. I'm nearing (another) breaking point, caught in that awful cycle of patiently waiting for something to change, never getting to have sex, and then collapsing into a tearful "discussion" when it becomes too heavy to bear, like a supernova. I'm not sure if it will actually do anything, but it makes my brain feel better to have exhausted a potential solution.
Has anyone here tried it? How were the results?

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(English is not my first language so sorry if something doesn't make sense)
I came out to my family (father, mother and sister) like a week ago. My dad and sis took it ok, they don't hate me like I tought it would happen so even if they still use she/her pronouns with me, I don't really care much for now since a win is a win.
My mother on the other side has always been transphobic, it mostly comes from a mix of ignorance and religion. I'm trying to answer most of her questions and I've tried to explain to her what gender dysforia is, I told her to also google it, a big mistake since now she is reading more transphobic stuff off the internet. Now she came to my room claiming she is "trans-age" and has "age dysforia", she later went into a discourse of how getting old is something scary but "It's nature, and we should accept it as it is" and I just told her to shut up.
Like, it's just so stupid I couldn't even begin to explain how it is not the same thing. Also I don't know if I'm being oversensitive but it's like she is making fun of me? Like she was laughing while she said the first thing and ended the convo saying I shouldn't get mad with her "real identity".
What I'm supossed to say to her if she pulls that again?

He’s the Aquarius
I was with Sam for a few months and it was some of the best months of my life. I never had a more healthy relationship and it truly felt (feels?) like we were meant for each other.
Last time we hung out, we spent an entire weekend just hanging out at my house, opening up and it was just so intimate and caring. I’m pretty sure that was the time I knew i was falling in love. After that weekend he told me he would be busy the whole rest of the week with work. But i haven’t seen him since except for 20 min one day.
Week 1 - he worked every single day and got off at 11pm plus lives an hour away & lives with family who trips out on him when he gets home late. Didn’t see him. 1st weekend - he said he had to go be with his friend to help him with something related to his mom so he couldn’t come over.
Week 2 - he had to come into my town for something so he stopped by. He broke down in front of me saying his best friends mom just passed away the day before. I comforted him and after 20 minutes, he said he had to go back to his town to be with his friend. Rest of that week he had work, a dental surgery, and then the funeral. 2nd weekend - he said he was coming to spend the night after he got off work but then his mom started tripping out of him. He had to go straight home and told me he would try to see me during the week.
3rd week - this is the current week. Monday he was acting distant. Tuesday i started feeling weird and wednesday asked if we could talk. I asked him if there was something he wasn’t telling me and if he was still interested in pursuing a relationship with me. That i want to support him in any way but feel like I’m in the dark. He responded late at night by saying he doesn’t want me to feel like I’m on the back burner, that he’s had so much going on that he’s dealing with and feels like he should focus on himself bc he needs to work on some things. It has nothing to do with me, that I’ve shown nothing but love and patience but he doesn’t want to string me along.
I didn’t respond until Thursday morning and that conversation basically ended with me saying i needed my game console back bc i had family coming to visit with little kids and was going to use it as a distraction. At first he told me he would give it to a mutual friend that lives in his town but i told him he took it, he needs to bring it back. He told me he works doubles the rest of the week but is off Tuesday and will stop by.
Today, Friday, is the first day in since we met that we haven’t talked at least once. I haven’t reached out to him nor him reach out to me. I want to give him space to miss me and not see me being clingy. I was never clingy to begin with, i always gave him more than enough space but now that we aren’t talking, i feel like not contacting him is best.
Since earlier this week, his phone has been acting up. It seemed as if he turned his location services off bc his location wouldn’t show up when i checked but if i stayed in the app long enough, it would suddenly refresh to show his location and then automatically go back to saying no location found. Idk why his phone was doing that as this never happened before but i was still able to see his location even though it was acting weird.
Today, after not talking since Thursday afternoon, i check his location and i still had it. I took a nap and woke up and wanted to see if he was still at work. It suddenly said “Sam can see your location” which means he was no longer sharing his with mine. I went to our messages but no where did it say he stopped sharing. I was dumbfounded for about 10 minutes when suddenly, literally in front of my eyes, a notification shows up in our Messages saying “you stopped sharing locations with Sam at 11:37pm” I NEVER stopped sharing locations. It’s like our phones did it for us. But why did my unsharing show up but not his ?
Idk if he stopped sharing, idk why mine would even if did or if it’s a problem with the phones. He’s no longer on my friends list in the find my friends app. I don’t want to reach out to him either about it.
He’s an amazing guy and his actions proved he wanted a serious relationship with me. There was never a red flag with him. We were moving in the right direction and then suddenly he was slammed with so many unexpected things and untimely, that’s what separated us. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to tell myself that he feels guilty that he has so much going on and can’t make time for me that he rather just end things than make me feel like I’m not a priority at the moment. The first 2 weeks, having his location confirmed that he was always busy. It wasn’t that he didnt want to come see me but he just literally didn’t have the time. And then the 3rd week, idk what happened :( I didn’t have the option to go see him bc his parents are strict and it just wouldn’t have been the best idea. Who knows if he’ll really come on Tuesday to give me my game console back but he’s the type of person to not tell me things over text but open up in person. I’m holding onto hope that when he comes, we’ll be able to talk and he tell me what truly is going on. I have an intuition feeling he’s going thru something else he hasn’t told me about yet. But then the scared part of me says we’re over.
I miss him so much already. He was (is? 😭) my best friend and not talking to him feels weird. How do I approach this. I know better than to approach him right now saying i miss him and also know Aquarius can detach from their emotions. He could be missing me right now but won’t act on it or he could truly not care. I’m sad and confused.

I have Hammy and Harold. They are the same age pretty much, 1 year old. Both are neutered. They were with the same foster before i got them. I've had them since April. It's been a learning process on how to have their stuff set up in my apartment.
They currently have 3 litter boxes. 1 covered one that's kinda big, 2 smaller ones in a litter box enclosure thats basically a coffee table with openings on the ends. Harold has no problem with any litter box. Does it have litter in it? Yeah? He'll use it. Hammy though. It has to be clean, the right size, the right amount of litter. He thankfully has not went outside any of the boxes on purpose. He'll turn mid poop and it might fall outside the box sometimes so I think larger litter boxes would be better. He peed in the smaller boxes but didnt cover it, and left little wet litter foot prints around. Then he wouldn't let me clean his foot. I'll get a 2nd of the larger covered box. I guess I'm gonna clean the enclosure and use it as a TV stand and put pillows and stuff in there for them.
They have windows to hang out in, the window sill is wide enough that they can lay in there and sleep. They can watch birds and squirrels and stuff. They have a cat tower that they kind of stopped using as much. They used to both sleep in different levels of it. They have a large variety of toys - springs, mice, balls, bell balls, cat nip toys, laser pointer, and other random things like a robe belt and stuffed toys. They have cardboard and rope scratchers, lots of boxes, comfy places to sleep. They can go up on the cabinets in the kitchen too. If I have the curtain open they can watch birds from up there. They don't seem super interested in the toys most of the time either.
I feed them probably a little more than they actually need, I can't leave food out all the time because Harold will just eat all of it and Hammy will get just what he eats in the first sitting.
They seem different after a maintenance person had to come in my apartment, they didn't hide from him they just followed him around until I shut them in the bedroom so they wouldn't be in his way. Whenever they hear someone in the hall outside my apartment they seem startled until the noise stops. Any noise in the hall echos a lot.
TLDR - I feel like I'm a bad cat parent but I'm doing my best :( I love them so much.

Been together almost 4 years and live together. Our relationship is wonderful. The only thing I don’t give him is a love for anime and D&D. He’s been a DM since way before we met. I don’t like to play D&D because it’s incredibly boring for me 85% of the time and doesn’t spark my adhd. I’ve always respected his love for it. I try to listen to him talk about it, buy him themed gifts, and even enjoyed watching Vox Machina with him. I’ve done a couple one shots with him and it was relatively fun, but I don’t want to devote 4-5 hours of my life to that every other weekend.
I’ve never really cared that he played every other weekend and did some gamebuilding for a few hours through the week. If anything it gave me some alone time. However, that has recently changed. Some people at work asked if he would run a game for them and he agreed. It was three people and he decided he would rotate the weeks (play his original campaign of 4 on Saturday week A, and the new campaign group on Sunday Week B alternating like that). I told him before he agreed that it might be easier to just group the campaigns together but he said it would be too much work and bring him up to 7 people which was too big of group.
So now he’s spending double time gamebuilding and starts getting stressed. Then the three people found 2 more people. Then they brought in another one. Now he’s at 6 people. He asked his original campaign if they would be okay if he took a month off to avoid burnout and they said yes. It kind of annoys me because he said 6 was too big but here he is with 7. And 4 people taking 4-5 hours per game means 7 will probably turn into 6 on those weeks.
Every day after work from home he cooks and then gets on his laptop for 2-4 hours. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t do what he wants in his down time. He works hard and deserves it. I just feel like we are spending less and less time together now since we work during the day. We do eat dinner together but then he grabs his laptop and we get to cuddle and watch maybe 10 mins of tv before he goes to sleep. I also worry about being on the computer too much because he works tech and won’t leave his desk to walk during the day and then transitions to a laptop after 8 hours of work.
Yesterday we went to get dinner and he was on his discord app talking to a new player who needs help before the game on Saturday. As soon as we get home he tells me in 30 mins he has to get on video chat at 9pm to help. Says it’ll take an hour. Okay no problem. He doesn’t get done until 11:30pm.
Today he gets off work and starts helping another player. He doesn’t let me know. I just come downstairs and his door is closed and I hear him talking about D&D stuff. We’d agreed to cook together tonight because we’ve been too tired and busy with DM stuff the last few days but I didn’t want to bother him. I went and ran an errand at 5:45 and got food to eat. I got home at 7 and he had just finished. I’ve told him I don’t want to eat late because of my acid reflux and I would have been fine if he had just texted me earlier to let me know he would be jumping on a call.
I want to talk to him about everything but I don’t know how. I want to say “your game is taking over your time and affecting your mental health. It’s also annoying me.” Obviously I’m not going to put it that way but what do I say? He’s already bummed out and if I say it in the wrong way it’ll seem like I’m kicking him while he’s down after losing players the last few years. Basically he’s had players come and go and it really saddened him since this is a huge part of his life. The last player from his original campaign before he brought new people in just left. Then this new campaign opportunity came together a couple weeks ago and perked him up. Now he’s just consumed by it. Please give me advice. Is it something we should have discussed before he committed to it or would that have been controlling? I had some worry he would overwhelm himself but I didn’t think it would get so bad.

Looking for anyone with experience of requesting a lower level job for life commitments or more enjoyment.
Currently a head of department on about US $180k pa total comp. I'm doing fine in the job honestly - if I wanted to push further I could keep stepping up levels. However at this level I am having to make personal choices about using my energy to push myself at work, manage & chase others, take responsibility for things - more than I want to use compared to my personal life. I have a wife and young family.
So I am thinking about how to take a step down to balance this. Finance-wise $150k would probably be manageable long term for my financial goals.
Ask to step down within current company? How has that gone for anyone? Same company but move department? Have to switch company to avoid the weird questions from colleagues? Try contracting/consulting for a while? However I do prefer more stable work.

Never played Halo in my life but accidentally unlocked an achievement a while back, as a completionist, I'm now committed to the 100% and am deciding to start on it now. Completed the first 2 levels on Halo CE legendary which was fun and not too difficult. I think I'll need to speedrun these or something in future though but that's not on my radar atm.
I hear LASO challenges are a pain and what not but outside that it seems like more of a time sink from the sentiment I've seen on forums. Plus there looks to be ways around the real tough stuff by finding a helpful 2nd God tier player.
I don't really have a frame of reference in terms of difficulty for these types of games. The most difficult completions in this genre I have are Perfect Dark and Goldeneye. I found these relatively easy though through past experience and am basically wondering how they'd stack up against Halo MCC. Obviously I'm expecting a much more significant challenge in terms of scope alone but yea, anybody give me an idea of what I'm looking at?

See the first post here
So my wife finally came back to the meeting. She attended the midweek meeting with me.
She was love bombed by a few people. Some were genuine, some were those that never called her once to comfort her.
I’m very proud of my wife. She was very dry with all of them, and with good reason. They never called or messaged her to see how she was doing after her mom died.
So we pretty much went home right after the meeting was over. I got a call from the elder that wants to give us the shepherding visit.
He left a voicemail.
I ignored his call and haven’t bothered listening to the voicemail.
My wife agreed that a shepherding visit now is a bit too little too late. I told her I was going to tell the elder we won’t be able to receive visits any time soon but I will let him know when things change, which is never, lol. My wife is totally on board.
I’m really hoping she wakes up.

I'm not sure if this is just my family or if other people do this too, but all the members of my family have this weird thing where they'll shove their phones in my face at the most inconvenient times (usually when I'm super busy or trying to take a few precious minutes of me time) and demand I watch some pointless video when that's literally the last thing I need/want. Doing the dishes - watch this! Doing the laundry - watch this! Cooking dinner - watch this! Helping the kids with their homework - watch this! Finally getting some me time - watch this!
Yes, I tell them it's not a good time. I let them know I'm annoyed. Yet they always insist "no, this is so worth it. It's hilarious!" It never is. It's usually some pointless joke that I find more annoying than funny. All day long I deal with this from the kids and the adults in my household. Frankly, I don't get it. If I see something I think someone will enjoy, I send it to them via text, I don't incessantly bother them with every single thing I happened to see on the internet that day.
My SIL just interrupted my me time to insist I watch a video about misheard song lyrics, I told her no, she insisted, and it was just me sitting there (quietly stewing) with her phone shoved in my face, for what? The same misheard song lyric jokes I've heard a thousand times before? Why? Just why???

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"
The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull'

Have just attended some inspections in Western & North-Western Sydney. All going for auction & not entertaining any pre-auction offers.
I’m seeing how much over the listed price guides homes are selling for at auction these days.
With a budget of <900K, should I realistically only be considering those with a price guide in the 700s? (I’ve seen some places I like with guides set at 800-850K, but not liking my odds of a successful bid if auctions start from here).
Can’t afford to get building & pest reports for all the places I’m considering- how do people weigh up the odds when deciding between a few properties going to auction? Or is it a matter of you won’t know unless you throw your hat in the ring (and just expect to burn through thousands of $ on B&P reports & lawyer contract reviews with all the pre-auction preps)
Newbie house hunter here. Thank you for any input!

01:52:35 WARN Content Patcher Ignored Stoffton > EditMap Maps/Custom_Stof_MacHouse #1: must specify ToArea when using FromFile (use "Action": "Load" if you want to replace the whole map file). 01:52:35 WARN Content Patcher Ignored Stoffton > EditMap Maps/Custom_Stof_MacHouse #2: must specify ToArea when using FromFile (use "Action": "Load" if you want to replace the whole map file).
Please, help!
I try to access the map through the bus, but only the option to go to the desert appears. There is no option to go to Stoffton. I downloaded Fostoria to try to go through Fostoria, but when I try to go to Fostoria through the bus tunnel, it just keeps loading. and in the Log appears the same error with stoffton and fostoria as well. please how do i solve this error? I use SV 1.4 mobile

With the new path system released for vestal and flagellant I started thinking about other characters that need new paths that make them feel unique. Runaway is the only new character in DD2 and I almost never pick her because she’s just underwhelming and frankly boring with her current paths incentivizing you to stick her in rank 4 and spam firefly. Here are my ideas on how I think they could make her better.
Orphan:
Totally reworked into a pseudo tank/guerrilla fighter Passive, 50% chance to gain dodge on turn end 50% chance to gain taunt on turn end Affected skills: Hearthlight, same but grants two taunt tokens. Only usable in front two ranks and clears corpses.
Run and hide: back 3 instead of 1 remove taunt tokens and heal for each one. Still grants stealth and cannot gain taunt for two turns.
Firefly: now only usable from rank 4 but has increased burn damage.
Ransack: apply daze on combo instead of burn, stun on upgrade.
Dragonfly: same attack in terms of targets and damage but only usable in rank 4 and 3 and move forward 2 instead of back 1.
Survivalist: Affected skills: Firefly, searing strike, ransack: inflict blind to an adjacent enemy on combo instead of burn.
Run and hide: now usable on all heroes not just herself.
Cauterize: heal 10% cure bleed. If target bleed heal additional 25%
Hearthlight: now targets allies, removes blind. Upgraded removes 1 stress from allies with 5 or more stress. Cooldown 1.
Arsonist: Keep her chance to burn self from current arsonist path. And burn resist piercing.
Affected skills: Firefly, searing strike, ransack: on combo burn both adjacent enemies.
Controlled burn: increase burn duration.
Cauterize: requires ally bleed. Cure bleed and grant crit token. No longer heals.
Backdraft: same but also applies 4 burn to target.
Hearthlight: Tick all enemies burns without lowering their duration. Cooldown 2.

Hello everybody,
I am a BJJ Blue Belt from Germany. I have a problem that I feel very stressed before every training. Short explanation.
The Gym I used to train in closed after some internal problems and split into 3 new gyms. I tried everyone, but it never felt "right" so I did quit BJJ for a while and than Corona happend and yeah.
For the last 1 1/2 years I try to get back into training (I joined a new Gym which is welcoming, has a good moral and the people are competetive but also very aware what they are doing).
Now the problem is that I get psychosomatic symptoms whenever I want to go train, because I stess myself about it. The Gym is quite big and curses can be full and you need to safe a spot for some sessions. So there are alot of people which is stressful for me and I also compare myself to how "good" I was when I trained regulary and often feel like a "fraud" wearing a blue belt. I talked with the coach about it and he unterstood and said his goal is to get me back to that confiedence and that my former coach knew what he did, when he gave me the blue belt.
Now when I go train (over the last 1 1/2 years around 20 times?) I have fun, but I feel the pressure and often cannot go to the next session for psychosomatic reasons. That frustrates me and grows my anxienty to go back, which leads to more stress when I can push myself and my body to go.
I am aware that this is an ego thing, comparing myself to my former self but I do not know how to change that mindset. Does anybody has ideas for that or expierence with training while having social anxiety?
Thank you already.

I have had Fitbod coming up for a year and I am debating whether I should keep it. I am unaware of its competition though Caliber has popped up in a few posts. Unfortunately, I was sidelined by repeating illness for most of the late winter and spring so I haven't had a chance to really play around with any new features. I also haven't been able to find many of these new features as the app has always seemed complicated to navigate on Android -- I use a pixel.
Having said that, I rarely followed the app-generated workouts as they always seemed to include 20 odd exercises with choices that seemed better suited for olympic athletes or people with workout buddies (how would I even possibly do a clean or jerk by myself having never performed one). I also found that the app confused hyperthrophic and strength rep ranges as I'd often be recommended 12+ reps even though i had a PPL, strength set up. Which means, when I did use the app, it was only for counting and logging essentially and that I missed out on a lot of what I was paying for.
Is anyone else thinking of leaving? why? where will go from here?

I’ve had this issue pretty much my whole life up until now where I believe i’ve become friends with a person or a group of people but they dont consider me to be one and I am always oblivious to this. In elementary school I thought I was in a girl group of friends they nick named me tag along ally. I couldn’t understand why as i thought we were friends but I was very much excluded most of the time and got bullied by them. Same in middle school Id get picked on and made fun of by the same people I considered friends in highschool I want bullied thankfully but still the same issue where I’d think I’d become friends with people but they didn’t see me the same. It’s like Im unaware how well you need to know someone to consider them a friend. Back then i thought talking to someone a few times in class and what not made them your friend. I know thats not the case now but I still have this issue where I cant connect with people to have them consider me one too. I dont know if im wording this weirdly ive had so many instances like the examples i gave in my life. I’ve seen other people make friends pretty quickly almost as if they’ve known eachother for years and i’ve never been able to do that. I feel as if its something I need to observe from a 3rd perspective to understand how to do but realistically I can’t do that. I also don’t know what to do to prevent this from happening again i’m always so unaware and it comes as a surprise when I finally realize the people I thought I was friends with dont consider me one/ make fun of me etc and im usually hurt and I dont think I can blame anyone but myself for being so oblivious all the time. I can never catch on I don’t know what to do to change that or how im tired of this happening over and over again

For months now, I had had this coming and going sadness about the relationship. It was over stupid things, so I wanted to push through, but it only got worse to the point where I was having a hard time being a good boyfriend. I loved her, I still do, but I just kept feeling distant from my sadness and that wasn't fair to her. Because what was making me sad wasn't fixable, I broke up with her earlier tonight. And god do I feel awful. She was the only person I had irl, I don't have any in person friends and I'm so isolated and lonely in person. im kind of a useless excuse for a man. I'm very timid and prone to crying, it's a miracle someone had loved me especially someone so great. i dont look great, and due to traumas i am very flighty in nature. hell im not even good at sex because i cant help but disassociate during even the slightest things. and I hate myself for being sad over something as stupid as not having things in common to do. part of me wishes I would have been selfish and stuck with it even with it so I wouldn't have to be alone and without her but what's done is done and I can't change that. she was my first in so much. first person ive dated who actually genuinely cared for me, first person to take me on a real date, first person I've kissed, etc. and it's crushing to know I'll never be held or loved by someone again. I hate myself for how I am, how pathetic of an excuse for a man I am. I don't have a job because my physical disabilities and lack of a highschool degree make it near impossible to find one, I don't have any friends in person because I have no way to make them and I fucked up the only route I had to making them, and I just feel so alone. sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to keep going because I'm such a garbage person and I feel like I'll be alone forever. my father made me feel worse when I consulted him, he questioned if I left her as a way of self harm and I can't even say with confidence that it wasn't that. now I keep questioning if maybe I would of kept fighting I could of learned to be okay with it? because I know there's tons of people in the world, but I don't feel like I'll ever be worth someone else's love and I don't know how to be alone. being alone makes me feel like my exes who didn't treat me well are winning. being alone makes me feel like im not worth anything. I just don't know what to even do, I'm only 18 but I feel like my life is over and everything hurts so very bad. I'm having a hard time fighting and keeping going forward.