Okay, so for context, I used to be really restrictive with my eating just a couple months ago. I would count every single calorie that entered my body and would only ever eat my ED approved safe foods. This lasted up until the last day of school, which for me was May 25. The last week of school I had cut my calories incredibly low most of the week, except for Monday afternoon, which I binged on. I found this really weird, as I hadn’t binged in a really long time, so the fact that I had done that out of the blue confused me. I shook it off though and told myself to just continue to stick my meal plan for the rest of the week, which I did. On my last day of school, my family and I went out to dinner at my favorite restaurant. I budgeted this out in my calories for the day and was all set, that was until I binged again later in the day. This scared me a lot, because I had just binged 4 days ago and was afraid that it would show on the scale. Sure enough, I had gained a few lbs. I’m sure this was just water weight looking back on it, but in the moment, it was soul crushing. I had reached a new LW only 2 days ago and now I had ruined it. I told myself I would get back on track the next day and would compensate for the binge by eating even less. But once nighttime hit, I just threw everything out the window and ate my entire kitchens contents. This was followed by the classic binge guilt and then the cycle would repeat itself, with me eating barely anything throughout the day and then ruining it all at night.
I still haven’t broken out of this.
I can’t think of a single fucking day that I haven’t eaten over double my target amount, and I’m so scared. I try to eat normally thoughout the day but I don’t even fucking know what that is anymore. I either can’t eat or I can’t stop. I hate myself so so much for this because restriction used to be so easy only a few months ago. I would always go the entire school day without eating, and when I got home, I would make food without feeling this overwhelming desire to eat everything else in front of me. Why can’t I do it anymore? I keep gaining weight and it genuinely makes me want to die. And its getting to the point where I’m starting to consider talking with my mom about taking me to a therapist or something, but what the fuck even for. My mom barely understands mental health stuff, and she only seems to be concerned when I eat very little for the day, so what if she says its not enough? What if what I’m going through doesn’t merit any concern, and I just need to grow a backbone and stop letting food control me? And I guess a part of me is also embarrassed, too, because how can someone just lose all their willpower? At this rate, I’m afraid that I’ll just gain back all the weight I’ve lost this year and everybody will go back to treating me like I don’t exist because I’m the fat kid.
I don’t know what to do. It feels like I’m too young to be going through this and I want it to stop. I’m just so tired of hating myself.

While doing my IB (high school diploma) I got rocked really really hard by depression (better now since I have meds), causing my predicted grade to go really low, and missing a lot of application deadlines in the UK because I was too depressed to bring myself to think about the future.
Currently I am awaiting exam results, but I don’t want to study in my home country, which I applied to most universities here. I want to go to the UK but there isn’t a real way for me to get into a university in the UK. I was hoping there would be some sort of gap year programme, sort of like a pre university programme for me to apply to? I’d like to get a head start on learning about the subject I want to major in. I’m not sure if I want to spend a gap year doing nothing in academics.
Any advice or pointers would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 years and we have an otherwise healthy relationship. I have 4 kids from previous relationships and though he thinks of them as his own, we really get NO time alone together. Its weighing on our relationship heavily because have no time for intimacy of any variety. We were trying to see each other weekly but now its become bi-weekly sometimes less and frankly we're both super burnt out trying to figure out a time schedule that works. We are exclusive and commited to each other and talk almost daily but we cannot seem to find any alone time between his home/work schedule and my life/college schedule. We miss each other greatly but its been a kind of a hopeless thing to make plans as of late. We're just totally out of ideas. We do some babysitters and nights out but we don't feel like its enough. Are there other ways we can get connection needs met? We don't wanna end the relationship at all but just wating for stuff to get better really bites.
Additional info: I am 29F and he is 29M. He lives at home to care for his mother and I have my own place for me and mine. We tried living together but its too much strain on us both. I plan to move out to his house once we get married in a few years.

I'm 20NB and so is my date. I've been going on a few dates with this person I met online for about a month. Everything is going super well so far. We're both ND, we both have the same interests, some of the same quirks, and just generally have quite a bit to talk about. Most of our dates so far have ended with us just having intense cuddle sessions after a day of doing whatever before my date has to go back home. My town's local LGBT Center is having a queer prom, and I ended up asking them out to it, which they agreed to! I've been having butterflies in the ol guts for as long as its been since I asked them in anticipate for this prom night. I never had a prom back in high school and envied those who did, so this is double points for me personally. As weird as it sounds, I want to have my first kiss with this person. The thing is, we technically *have* kissed each other already, normally during our cuddle sessions or when we're saying goodbye, but only on like the forehead, nose, or cheek usually. Never on the lips. I never dated anyone until I turned 20. In fact, this person was the second person I ever went out with, and had the most success with. So I am heavily unfamiliar with dating culture and how (lip) kissing works, let alone initiating it. Idk reddit, this is pretty pathetic sounding i know, but hey, what can you do? lol What advice do ya got?

I apologize that this post is lengthy, but I feel so confused and betrayed.
My best friend (I will call X) and I have been bffs since we were 15yo in high school and we’re 22yo now. We both have autism (which is relevant later) and have been there for each other, cried with another, told our biggest secrets, everything. Recently, I was expressing to him about how I felt about my job (Wl-Mrt)) and how draining it was and that it made me suicidal at certain points. He suggested that I quit and join his job (fast food). I quit and applied for his job and got hired the next day. During the application process, one of the many questions the manager had asked me was if anyone had referred me, and I told her that X did. They had me on dish washing duties. Sounds easy, but that job was the most stressful job I’ve ever had, and would rather be berated by customers all damn day at my former job. I would come home completely soaked, even with the water resistant apron, and have crazy migraines from the heat. All of the yelling and loud sounds made me extremely overstimulated and I was having really bad panic attacks because of it. After my third day there, I texted him and told him that I had to quit and explained how I was unprepared for that kind of job, and how overstimulating it was. X was very supportive and understanding. But then, just a few days after, I realized that he had blocked me on everything. I don’t understand what I did wrong. My mom told me that she thinks it’s possible that X may have received backlash from me quitting since I told the manager that he was the one who referred me. But I honestly don’t believe that is the case. It’s a fast food restaurant and the turnover rate there is expected. Me quitting had nothing to do with him?? That being said, if I were in his shoes, and he were in mine, I would not be mad at him, even if I got fired over it (which again, I believe is HIGHLY unlikely.) The love and friendship that we have (had?) together is more important than that. Even if that is the reason why he blocked me on everything, I just don’t understand why he couldn’t tell me that he didn’t want to be my friend anymore instead of just completely ghosting me like that. It’s completely unlike him to not communicate about things like that. We’ve always had deep conversations about whenever we’re upset with each other and resolve it quickly. I just don’t understand. Do any of you guys think that I am in the wrong and him completely ghosting me is reasonable?

So I've been questioning on and off for 7 years now. I would always get the feelings of being trans when I was away from home and able to be my more authentic self. I'm on a work trip for the second year in a row and am around a couple of other trans folks and I finally feel like I can't keep doing the back and forth. Every time I consider transitioning I worry about losing my family, but now is the first time that I feel like I could make it through that if it happened.
I still don't think I'll start medically transitioning very soon, as I am living with my almost certainly unsupportive mom while I finish my degree, but I could start socially experimenting with names and pronouns at my university. When I graduate I can see about moving out and to a better area.
This is essentially just a way for me to put down my thoughts that have been bubbling inside me for the last couple days. I finally can feel these feelings with a bit of hope, thanks to being able to see other happy, successful trans folks around me. I also feel like I've hit the point where I feel like transitioning is inevitable, just a matter of time until it can finally happen, and I'm so excited to finally be able to be myself as I see me.

In my campaign the party was in a small village and the Aarakocra bard had broken his bagpipes for plot purposes.They were going to repair them,but they had some how started a conversation about cheese revolving around mozzarella and cheddar.I being the dm,decided to make an npc throw a wheel of cheddar cheese at a peasant child and he went inside his home the party spent the next thirty minutes trying to steal the cheese however they were unsuccessful and couldn’t get in the house. Sorry if this violated any rules I suck at Reddit posting

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TL;DR: We'll be joining the strike starting on the 12th indefinitely. Indefinitely does not necessarily mean permanently, but as most/all 3rd party apps are shutting down we will simply be unable to moderate effectively until the official tooling-related issues are resolved.
Two key points I want to drive home:

• You've made this community a blast. We occasionally have to iron-fist stuff, but the vast majority of users kick ass.
• I've been through no-warning community shutdowns as a user, and I know they suck in regard to user-to-user relationships. I know it's only a few days' notice, but on the off chance someone has DMs disabled, I genuinely hope this lets you prepare and stay in contact with any other users you've enjoyed the company of.

Onwards to entirely too much information!

Why the shutdown/strike

Moderation

The original tagline for the sub started as "For people with day jobs", in reference to the post we spun off from which was about how a bunch of people didn't have time to care about the stuff hardcore players did. Stuff breaks? Cool, we'll move on until it's fixed, because we only have so much time a day to play.
This applies to our moderators as well. This ragtag bunch of knuckleheads doing digital janitorial work have outside responsibilities just like many of you, we just grab a proverbial broom when we're in the space to help keep the gathering chill.
Unfortunately, the recent choices by Reddit, and how they've handled feedback, have effectively led to our cleaning supplies being broken or taken away. Many of us moderate on-the-go via various mobile apps, which at this point have either outright stated they're shutting down, or heavily implied it. It's at a point we can't trust our custom-built news bot, u/tidthers, will actually be unaffected. Additionally, trying to moderate via the official mobile app only served to reveal how far it has to go - things like reported items not showing why they were reported, mod actions not seeming to take effect immediately, and content not loading. The issues we encounter aren't much better in the browser, and the mobile browser in particular.
I'm following the AMA as I write this, and the answers aren't inspiring confidence - at least one even doubled down on what seems like slander despite the opposing party having phone recordings.
I'm sure some will suggest adding moderators but vetting them isn't realistic in the timeframe we have. Beyond those of us that joined from the thread that spawned us, the rest of us have had established relationships with each other and the community before joining the team. This effectively let us be absolutely sure anyone joining matched our principles and decision-making abilities. Reference our previous drama with a "created for us but not by us" discord server for why this is crucial.

User poll

We're not alone in this space, so we ran a user poll too. Overall, 75% were for a strike/shutdown, and of those 87% (65% of total respondents) were for following the larger strike/shutdown guidance.
Combined with the new moderation issues, the choice is pretty clear.

Future State

Social Stuff

We'll be joining the strike/read-only lockdown on the 12th. We're not 100% sure when we'll be back at this point, but short of reddit staff doing a hostile takeover we'll still be keeping an eye on things to reopen ASAP.
To keep in contact with us, we do have a discord server set up - the link is: https://discord.gg/6VFRGSZkeA
There was some drama back in the day related to a server set up on our behalf, but the server linked above is our ONLY server and is explicitly owned by our reddit staff. We have a moderation bot/bouncer bot that will prompt for verification before entry. This is to help prevent spammers and scammers since they can sometimes be rampant.
If you have issues, there's a verification channel where you can chat with us, and you can reply here (avoid sending a modmail - if you have an issue someone else might too and having the solution public will help them).

Tooling

u/tdithers is expected to remain active for news posts (provided upstream data sources don't get turned off). Besides the users that genuinely use it for following gaming news, it will be a good way to keep an eye on whatever Reddit is doing with their API. Pending the results of the strike and Reddit's response, it may be turned into a mod bot for us as well.
Community tools like the pacing tool are planned to stay active as well.

Needs to Re-Open

• For us to regain confidence in reddit as a platform. Ultimately, Spez - Reddit's CEO - said it best himself: [...]behavior and communications with us has been all over the place—saying one thing to us while saying something completely different externally[...]—to the point where I don’t know how we could do business with [them]. This point is the biggest, as without it we can't trust "will be rolling out", "will be allowed" and similar language.
• Fully functional mod tooling, at a minimum feature and reliability parity with the tooling we've already been using.
• Finalized, clear, API information so u/tdithers can confidently be updated.

My god this felt so dirty to write without filling it with pop culture references.

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Well, after a rare and blissful streak without issues... my car has recently decided it's time to self destruct and (along with a lot of other new problems) has started making this awful clunking and creaking noise up front when braking, but only within the first ~15 min or so of driving. The noise stops entirely after that, and otherwise it brakes just fine, so I've not worried about it too much. However, a couple days ago it also started shuddering (steering wheel shaking pretty badly too) upon braking. I was an hour and a half away from home when the shuddering started and it continued for the entire drive back (yes I know it was fuckin stupid of me to keep driving it like that). I'm not sure but I suspect the shuddering is related to whatever the clunking noise is...
I was already not driving it unless absolutely necessary because of another problem that's cropped up, but I've stopped driving it entirely for now because I don't want to kill myself or anybody else. Any ideas of what the issue might be? I'd like some clue of what to look for before I start tearing everything apart in the parkade hahaha

Been lurking this sub for a while! Thought I'd finally leave a post (on a throwaway, just to be safe).
So currently, I (20) live with my mom, my two younger brothers, and our two cats. I don't know if my mom qualifies as truly being an nparent, she just comes off as pathetic to me. Anyway, I'm the result of a teen pregnancy and as such, my entire life has been completely unstable and really unfair. We all used to live with my ndad, but he was extremely verbally and mentally abusive to everyone around him, especially my mom and myself. They'd argue a lot and he'd run off in a hurry, and my mom would turn to me to be her emotional support. My memory of my entire childhood gets hazier by the day (repression is doing its wonders), but I do remember that my mom would sometimes leave with him to help him with his body building shows without telling me. This often left me to fend for myself and act as a sort of parent to my brothers. The only thing I remember from this is the absolute fear and dread of everything. My mom had this mentality that the world outside is scary and there's kidnappers in every corner, and my grandma would turn this up to 11 by going on and on about how there's rapists everywhere and they all want me specifically and that my only safety is at home. Due to this, I've grown up extremely sheltered and feel very powerless.
Skip some years and in 2016, my mom made the grand decision to move me and my brothers all to live with my grandma to get away from my dad. Her decision was SUPER rash, as we basically moved out within the same day as the pair had an argument (the argument was over me making a joke to my dad. He asked me to put a plate into the sink and I jokingly said,"I didn't sign up to be a slave". He immediately followed up with "I didn't sign up for you to be born"). At my grandma's house, everything was somehow worse. With my mom's decision, we had basically lost everything. All my toys at the time were gone (I was 13 and had an entire collection of littlest pet shop toys that I loved dearly. All gone except for 1 I hold onto to this day), half my clothes were gone, we were essentially 1 step up from being homeless (living with grandma), and we didn't even have a washing machine. My mom had to keep spraying our clothes with Tide Febreze spray, because she didn't even have enough quarters for the laundromat. The entire ordeal sucked. It wasn't helping that my grandma was absolutely god-awful.
EVERYTHING I did was wrong. I didn't microwave food correctly ("you're too messy"), I couldn't get cold water correctly ("you're lazy for not putting the water jug in the freezer!"), can't eat correctly ("you act like you never ate before!"), can't use the shower correctly ("you get water everywhere"), can't do anything right. My mom was still using me as a therapist, complaining about how wrong her life had gone. We had a cat at this point and he was my last fragment of sanity. I came home (ha... "home") one day and my mom had gotten rid of the cat while I was away because she KNEW I'd freak out if I saw her do it. I couldn't even say goodbye, and my grandma's first reaction to my crying was to mock me and laugh about how the cat probably died (fortunately he didn't, he was put into a shelter and he was adopted by an old lady within a week). At some point I completely broke and started screaming about how much I wanted to die, and my grandma's response was to mock me for it. She told me that she'd help me kill myself if I was so serious, talking about how she'd get a rope and tie it just for me. My mom even joined in, telling me she'd help me buy a gun so I can shoot myself. That entire scene is burned into my brain and it still really hurts.
Eventually we moved out and my mom finally took her spot as the antagonist of my life, because why not? Fortunately, this time period is way less eventful. Mostly just screaming, yelling, throwing me against a closet door and continuously throwing me back whenever I tried to walk away, her abusing the two new cats we adopted (we still have them now) and me yelling at her for it which immediately resulted in her throwing me to the ground and kicking me, her constantly calling me variations of "evil" and "mean" and "stupid", her calling me unlovable and telling me that no one will ever want to hang out with me just because I didn't like the fact that she was watching that old Ssoyoung mukbang youtube channel... Y'know! Uneventful! /s
She's finally chilled out in recent years and has become exceptionally clingy instead of outright abusive... Who am I kidding? Clinginess is just her being controlling and insecure. But I feel like I'm forced to just accept that this is the best she'll ever do. My grandma, though, is still horrendous. She got pregnant with my mom when she was 18 and I swear she never grew out of high school. Anything inconvenient is a personal attack, me wanting to be alone ever means I hate her altogether (happens often. I'm an introvert, have severe social anxiety, and am a massive loner), and if I don't do everything she says exactly as she wants me to in that exact moment, I'm evil. Just today, she said I'm exactly like my dad just because I didn't say "bye" to my brother who's leaving for 3 months to help our granduncle with his cleaning job. This same brother has ALSO said I'm exactly like my dad in the past because... I yelled at my mom for kicking one of our cats. Always evil, always bad, always a carbon copy of my dad, all for the most innocuous of things. I've had two therapists in the last couple years who I've been spilling all this to (first guy left the practice, hence why I had two), and I find it interesting that both of their reactions had spanned from very confused to very concerned whenever I tell these events. (I sure do wonder who's in the wrong here! /s)
I'm so tired of living here. I go to therapy every other week, and only in therapy did I learn that all of what my family has done to me is abuse, not love. Only in therapy did I learn that it's NOT normal for your family to insult you. It's not normal for your mom and grandma to make you their therapist, then treat you like dirt the moment you do something they don't like. It's not normal to be told that it's "greedy" to eat more than once a day and that you deserve to starve for running out of food (even though your mom only shops for groceries for 3 kids once every 2 weeks), leading to you to be VERY likely to develop an eating disorder in the near future. It's not normal for that same mother to then turn around and yell at you for not eating enough and tell everyone that you're anorexic, when she's the one who put you in this mess in the first place. It's not normal for your mom to fail to teach you essential life skills despite you asking repeatedly because you're "too young" and "have always been a little slow" but then immediately relent when someone else questions why you can't do said essential life skills (I couldn't do laundry until I was 18, I couldn't cook until I was 19, and I'm only set to get my driver's license now at 20). It's not normal to truly believe that you don't deserve compliments because you're too unlovable and anyone who says otherwise is lying, and it's not normal to treated like you're 10 one minute, but then be threatened to be kicked out the millisecond you do something wrong because, after all, "you're an adult!!". I'm always evil, never good. And it's only ever this family who says this, the couple friends I've managed to pull together say the exact opposite things about me. Isn't it funny how that works? Always horrible to the family, but everyone outside thinks you're great... It's not fair, man.
I'm really. Really tired. I'm currently in college full-time, living at home strictly to save money (it'd suck to move out and have to come back because student loan debt was worse than I thought). My brother (same one that insulted me), aunt, and grandma keep nagging for me to get a job and buy groceries for the family or pay rent because I'm a horrible selfish person or something (Surprisingly, this is one of the few things my mom backs me up on. She's completely fine with me focusing on college and tells everyone else to mind their business).
I can't work full-time while attending school, I could never handle the stress. I can only wait until I graduate, get a full-time job, save money, then leave. It also has to be in that exact rigid structure, I will freak out if it isn't (another problem I should probably get checked, hooray). I want to move to a state that's 2,300+ miles away (from Ohio to Washington). I've envisioned an entire life for myself there, complete with having my own found family. I don't need this family, I want one where people actually love and care about me. I want to get more therapy so I can properly heal. I want to get a dog, I want to be able to go outside without fear, I want to have lots of small pets who'll be properly cared for and loved. I've been questioning lately if I could even be trans, I want to find specialized therapy so I can safely explore this further. I want to change my name so I can sever my ties with this family. My name only gives me grief, I want a name that screams me. I want people who'd love me no matter who I turn out to be. I want people around who'd applaud my growth instead of downing me for never being good enough. I want people who are deserving of the me I've been trying to safeguard for so many years; a hypersensitive crybaby whose interests bounce around like ping pong and is in desperate need of a hug. I just want someone to care about me. And it's not fair that I don't have this. I didn't ask for this pain, all I did was be born. What did I do to deserve this?
TL;DR: I'm really really sick of dealing with my horribly toxic family. I can't explore myself as a person and despite being in therapy, can't truly heal since I'm stuck here. I can't drive, I'm really feeling trapped. I have dreams of moving far away and never coming back, but it still feels hopeless sometimes. I know it can't be, I know I can be free, but I can't do anything until I graduate college and save some money. Really sad about it. I'm really tired and want to go home, but home doesn't exist.

For a little bit of background I was diagnosed with MDD and anxiety when I was 13/14. I am now 24. It's been a never ending loop of emotions. Sometimes it's really good and I'll get overly excited during these times which many people don't understand. But when I have my downward spirals, it's hard. I know that nobody but myself can make me happy and I need to find things to distract myself with but it's really hard sometimes. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life but I feel like my depression is holding me back. My wife brings it up sometimes and she asks if I'm okay but it's so hard for me to explain. My thoughts run a million miles an hour sometimes and I'll think about everything under the sun. Other times I just kind of zone out. And then sometimes I just feel like I don't belong here and that I might be better off if I ran my car into a tree going 120mph. And it hurts, because she knows I have depression but I don't know if she knows that the reason I make it home everyday is because of her and our dogs which is like our babies. They're my reasons. I want to be better not only for myself, but for her as well. I've been fighting with this for so long and therapy doesn't help much because I've had therapists tell me before that part of my depression is because I'm confused about my sexuality and being with a man wouldn't make me as depressed. I take Wellbutron 300mg. I feel like a need a higher dosage or something completely different. I took Zoloft and another medicine that I can't remember the name to anymore but I didn't like the way they made me feel. What hit me really hard is that my wife told me that she spoke to my mother the other day and was worried about if I was happy or not. My mother told her that I am the happiest that she has ever seen me and that I've always been depressed and in the past could tell that I wasn't happy with my life and she was concerned about if I'd end my life because of how bad off I was. My mother actually used to never believe in therapy and wouldn't take me to a therapist until I opened up about not wanting to be here anymore. Her and my wife keep up with if I took my medication or not, why I'm late, etc. I just feel like I should be better and I'm just so disappointed that I'm not. And honestly, I'm at a lost. I don't mean to ramble, but I seriously think something is wrong and that I've should've been "fixed" by now.

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Hello!
I am a homeschooler from Maryland, and in the future I want to pursue a career in Neglected Tropical Medicine, with a vector biology specialty.
I am trying to decide how exactly I should go about achieving this goal, as it has a lot of academic prerequisites, generally speaking.
I could go 1 of roughly 4 ways. I am planning on getting some kind of Ipublic policy degree, with a double major in either Public/Global Health, Entomology, General Biology, or (basically just Tulane, Colorado state, and maybe a couple others) Vector Biology/Tropical medicine. I’m unsure if I should apply to them because they may be too far away from home in MD.
This is for undergrad majors specifically.
This is a very niche field, and while a lot of that is because of interest I’m sure, I can’t imagine it’s the ONLY factor. Does nobody remember being amazed as a child, hearing “The deadliest animal in the world is actually the mosquito!”? I’m wondering if that the almost void for vector biology here in the states could maybe be a result of lack of qualification? Not many students will be taking courses in this in my experience, as I find it fascinating, but no one else does, hence, lack of coursework.
Everything is almost always at the Ph.D, and masters level at a minimum.
I guess one could call it a more advanced field? Maybe that’s the reason for a lack of coursework?
Regardless, I want to make sure I am prepared, and have access to connections which will foster this. I’m unsure what major, and where, will provide me with the best opportunities to succeed.

Please. They practically have me right on the cusp of full time, but if they’re gonna do me like that? Someone else can come in, cause i’d rather be home for christmas than make like 60 bucks. Don’t know why part timers wouldn’t get it if full timers are always the ones that make sure to get the holidays off.