As much as I love to shit on Belift I have to give it to them. They really played 4D chess with this. Even if the reaction was unintentional, the choice to use dancers for bite me’s choreo was definitely a good move in hindsight, even if it isolated a few angry kfans lol. And sure, it could be argued that it had an affect on their kcharting but when has that ever been a factor for them (even if it’s not the best anyways, it did peak on melon and is still charting without free falling so I’d consider it an improvement.
Not only did it bring lots of attention to the song and the cb but anecdotally I’ve noticed being an Enhypen fan is alot more peaceful this era. Of course being one of the most hated 4th Gen groups never means complete peace, but generally speaking I’ve noticed more people including nonfans talking about them positively, sympathizing with them, giving them attention that wasn’t there before, and less negative and hateful comments generally speaking. Due in part to the album being amazing of course but also due to this “controversy”. The hate I do still see usually gets ratioed or downvoted into oblivion moreso than being agreed with by default like before. I curate my experience but there will always be antis so the fact that I’m not seeing much more than an odd comment or general passive aggressiveness is nice.
Sometimes I forget how short the attention span and cycle of trends in kpop fandom works generally because I find it almost insane how Enhypen went from having a year long, very widespread and active hate train to being treated and regarded relatively normally and getting some praises within the course of less than a month. Knock on wood that it stays this way, but I just find it hilarious how this one little thing has improved my fan experience tenfold lol thanks for one thing belift ig 😅

Bowie(monotone): “Welcome to Starbucks, how may I help you?”
Dakota: “Yes hello. I would like a teensy little quad long shot grande in a venti cup half calf double cupped no sleeve salted caramel mocha latte with 2 pumps of vanilla substitute,”
As she was talking, Bowie immediately took out graph paper and wrote the order as fast as he could.
Dakota”-two pumps of white chocolate mocha for mocha and substitute two pumps of hazelnut for toffee nut half whole milk and half breve with no whipped cream extra hot extra foam extra caramel drizzle extra salt add a scoop of vanilla bean powder with light ice well stirred.”
Bowie(breathes out in relief): “FINALLY!”
6 hours later
Bowie(carrying a jug): “Alright. Coffee obsessed girl with half of our supplies.”
Dakota(happily takes the jug): “Oh that’s me. Thank you.”
Bowie sighed in relief as Dakota left, unfortunately he was greeted to the angry face of Anne Maria.
Anne Maria: “I want my money back. I just drove all the way from my house because I was charged an extra ten cents for the coffee made by you.”
Bowie: “You do realize you uselessly wasted your gas money than what you’re going to get for the refund, right?”
Anne Maria: “I just want my money back for the incompetence your fat butt shoved in my face today.”
Bowie: “WHY YOU LITTLE-“

Been in the group for a while but moved back home as my husband and I are buying my mom's house and we're currently doing renovations and making changes. She has an overgrown herb garden we're planning to get back under control but she recently took some clippings. Before she would dry them on the table or counter but the kitchen is small and the table is currently occupied with misc boxes due to renovations. The kitchen is a galley-style and the side of the end cabinets would be perfect to mount something permanent for drying herbs and flowers and the like, but when I tried to look up stuff online it's all fake herb drying racks that are mostly for decoration and the practical ones hang from the ceiling instead.
I looked on Etsy and the ones I'm seeing are essentially just little peg boards that I could buy for significantly cheaper somewhere else or make myself. Last night I taped them all hodge-podge style because I needed to access the counter, and it's working for the most part so I figured I'd ask here what everyone does/uses for drying their herbs.
Edit to add that I'm avoiding the ceiling hanging ones as we have standard/low ceilings and my husband is 6'1" so I don't want to hear him grumble about something in his way.
Here's some links to what I was looking at potentially doing;

• Herb Drying Rack w/ Clips - This is my favorite for aesthetic so far, but waffling due to price.
• Herb Drying Rack w/ Pegs - This is the one I'm seeing the most when I look for something wall mounted.
• Adhesive Mini Clothes Pins - Most Cost-Effective Alternative
• Adhesive Hooks - if I rubberband a bundle of herbs I could hang it from these

Thursday, June 01 - Wednesday, June 07

Top Media

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
33	4 comments	Gary Stewart - She's Actin' Single (I'm Drinkin' Doubles) (1974)	[Sp] [AM] [Dzr] [SC]
13	4 comments	The Rolling Stones - Country Honk	[Sp] [AM] [Dzr] [SC]
11	0 comments	Tanya Tucker Makes Grand Ole Opry History By Riding A Horse Onto Stage
9	1 comments	Willie Nelson - Me and You (Official Video)
8	2 comments	Rockin' Sidney - Jalapeno Lena / My Toot Toot	[AM] [Dzr] [SC]
7	3 comments	The Hillbilly Tarot - Exploring the Major Arcana Through Country Music
7	2 comments	Tammy Wynette - Satin Sheets	[Sp] [AM] [Dzr] [SC]
7	2 comments	2Grass - Little White Church - From a kitchen in the mountains - This song is also called Smokey Mountain Sunday Morn - Enjoy!
7	0 comments	Jelly Roll “Son of a Sinner,” & “Save Me” Rare Acoustic set
6	10 comments	Garth Brooks Wants To Record New Albums As Chris Gaines Alter-Ego

 

Top Remaining

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
24	33 comments	What's your favorite Tanya Tucker song?
19	26 comments	Recommendations Wanted: Folk-Country
18	0 comments	Johnny Cash
16	36 comments	Let's vote on The Hag
14	69 comments	What is the best George Strait song?
13	48 comments	What's your favorite Waylon Jennings song?
11	0 comments	Hi-res album cover art - Waylon Jennings "Lonesome, On'ry & Mean" [3000x3000]
10	53 comments	Rock Country?
9	21 comments	Best Don Williams song?
8	31 comments	What's your pick for Randy Travis?

 

Top 5 Most Commented

score	comments	title & link	mirrors
0	31 comments	Just reminding everybody that this subreddit is called “country” so you can get your Morgan wallen and your pop country bullshit out of here.
2	20 comments	Best Reba McEntire song?
1	17 comments	I'm in a classic country cover band. Help us build a set list.
2	16 comments	What's the best song by The Judds?
2	11 comments	Country Music Suggestions

 

Foundations of Humanity 29 (Healing Words) - an NoP fanfic
​
Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish! Thank you again, u/Braquen, u/Acceptable_Egg5560, u/BiasMushroom721, and last but not least u/Liberty-Prime76 for proofreading! This is my side of the Nature of a Giant crossover!
First -- Previous -- Next
​
Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
Tarlim was the first to see me as I marched toward the table, tossing the still-open pad into its center.
“Predator Disease is anything! Whatever they need to put you away!” I cried, vacillating between grief and outrage while Tarlim looked through my research.
“They don't work! None of them do! Hundreds are being thrown into those facilities for everything from active murder, to jaywalking,” And Tarlim met my gaze, “to complaints. Complaints! The most positive source said ‘a dozen cured every year’. From a sample of hundreds! No names! No sources! Just their word and a ‘trust me, bro!’ And that’s only maybe from the ‘jaywalking’ section, not even the people who need real help!”
I pulled my ears down taut, embracing the pain to distract my panic, blind to Alvi’s desperate attempts to calm and comfort me. “The facilities don't help anyoneI But every one of them punishes, no, tortures Venlil for something they cannot control or choose. Not criminals, not those who did something, just… just so many people who did nothing wrong! Who had no record beyond a-a single half-shorn screening!!"
I stopped to breathe, my voice faltering as I started again, “And we sent you there. I checked, you did nothing! Not even a complaint! The only charge on your record, even according to that pro-exterminator trash ‘Moralen’s Pred Guide,’ was ‘resisting arrest’; whatever the brahk that’s supposed to mean. You were only barely an adult, and… we still sent you there. I’m… I don’t… I’m so sorry, Tarlim. I won’t plead innocence; we did this. Our people, all of us, failed you in the most impossible, embarrassing way. I’m…”
You’re what?? Sorry?!
My body went limp as I felt the weight of my people’s sins against all of us, distilled into this Person’s real experience. “No. Just a sad ‘sorry’ doesn’t even begin to make up for what happened to you. I don't know how to make this right, or if it’s even possible to do so at this point. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
I looked up at him. At Tarlim. He… he had begun breathing erratically, short and fast, tossing his chest wool about. His ears twitching in fear. Had- had I said something wrong? I saw Alvi lean towards him with worry in her affect. “Hey, you okay?”
Tarlim didn’t show any sign of having heard. He grabbed onto his knees and pulled them to his chest. Jacob stood and began running his hand along Tarlim’s back. I didn’t know what to do! How do I fix this? Should I do something? Wait? I-
I heard a chime coming from Tarlim’s shoulder pack. As soon as it was heard, it was like he transformed. The look of panic and confusion was replaced by a determined calm as he began taking steady breaths. He seemed to be coming around again.
Maeve leaned forward, looking uncertain at her words. “It’s alright Tarlim. We are here with you. You’re not alone. ”
“C’mon buddy, you got this.”
A murmur, too small for a Venlil of his size, “Th-Thank you.” Then Tarlim’s ears swiveled back to me, “Valek… you… you are the first to say that. To really say that, and to mean it, too.”
My tail swayed in honest joy, while I closed my eyes to give him comfort, as he started again, choking on phlegm brought on by tears,
“It has been years since my lawsuit. In that time, I can count the people who supported me on one paw. One paw!” He held up four claws for emphasis. “They helped me get on my feet. Let me release my feelings. And just… they were there for me. They gave sympathy, but you…” I panted, trying to control my breathing. “You didn’t. You called me dangerous. Feared me. You were… you were them.” He swept his arms at the oblivious crowd below, “In all those years, all that time, nobody, not one, had ever apologized. Not sincerely.”
I tried to show kindness and welcome, happy to have another friend. “You’re a good person Tarlim. I know I won’t be the last.”
…
A short silence fell over us all, before Maeve spoke up, “Not to give conversational whiplash, but absolutely to change the subject: What do you think about Venlil Cuisine, Jacob? I am quite partial to the Juicefruit, even if I need a small towel for every bite.”
“Good subject change,” he took a drink of his soda and set it on the table. “There’s this thing that translates to Firefruit, and it’s amazing! Got this nice zest like a lime but a sweet spice like a jalapeño! Its juice goes great on a lot of things!”
“Oh then you may like this,” she shifted a plate of fried veg across the table, “This one is fried Deeproot. It’s got quite a ginger kick to it, but the fry brings out a lot of sweet too!”
Tarlim’s affect softened as we spoke on kinder things. “Deeproot? That’s rather tasty.” He uncurled himself and swung his ears genially, “Have you… have you been on the planet long?”
Maeve met my eye, and pulled Alvi onto her lap, her voice taking on a wistful remembrance, “Feels like a new life… but my calendar says just over two weeks! A lot has changed since I walked on the station.” Her voice trailed off, while my tail flicked comfort and Alvi leaned her weight against Maeve.
Tarlim continued his curiosity and asked Maeve, “So what do you think of our planet? Apart from the… poor welcoming.”
Maeve waved her hand dismissively, “Oh those poor pups were just doing as nature intended; honestly it just made your planet more familiar! Really that’s the surprising thing, despite twenty lightyears across the galaxy, everything is still so familiar! You have trees that remind me of the Redwoods, you have cities that are just like ours, if shinier, and Alvi here worked in customer service!” She ruffled Alvi’s crown affectionately. “I never imagined I would feel so at home on another world!”
I stepped back from the conversation and helped myself to what was left of the food, enjoying the sharp tang of the Deeproot.
Maeve breathed a contented sigh under her veil, before facing Jacob, “How about you, Jacob? How are you handling the planet?”
Jacob finished another drink of his soda. “Ah would say that outside of the station incident, it has been going well. After we’re done here, ah am going to be getting my own apartment to live in since Tarlim’s isn’t big enough!” He snorted in amusement. “Don’ worry about me living in an apartment. Ah have mah ways of winning people over.” He picked up the last of his fried dough. “Relatedly, be careful with Venlil drinks. Their ‘lite beer’ is our equivalent to distilled whiskey.”
Maeve laughed lightly, “Glad to see they know how to party! It’s an equal trade though, what they call an ‘energy drink’ is on par with weak tea. I was so glad my handler got me a 10lb bag of beans and a french press.”
“Lite beer? What do you guys consider strong?” Alvi asked, and I had to agree with her concerned tone.
“Tarlim called it distilled Ipsom,” Jacob responded. “60% alcohol. That’s pretty strong fer most humans. Our whiskey is usually 40-50%. What about y’all? What do you call strong?”
Alvi perked up, excited to share one of her happy memories, “I used to hang out at The Roost when I was in the capital, and they kept a bottle of 90% behind the counter for Venlil only: distilled and fermented Goji juice, aged in Nishtalian hardwood casks. It was really good, but I’ve had stronger.” I had to admire how proud she was to say that. Even I would struggle at that amount!
Jacob leaned back, his shoulders tense with surprise. “Jeezus! And this is just drinkable Ethanol, right? Not Methanol?”
I recoiled at the awful memory of my first time with Methanol. That disgusting stuff? Blech!
“Ew, no, I hate the taste it leaves on your tongue. And after what happened at my 16th, I’m not touching that stuff any time soon.” Alvi seemed to share in my distaste for that glorified spoiled speh.
“Yeah,” Tarlim chimed in between sips of his Sprunk, “I hear the Zurulians experiment with drinking that stuff specifically, but it seems to be just them. Even they don’t usually drink at our level.”
“That’s incredible!” Maeve chimed in, “That stuff makes us go blind. Doesn’t stop people from homebrewing it anyway though.”
My tail flicked in concern; I mean, methanol is bad, but were humans so frail that it would make them go blind?
Tarlim, however, seemed somehow amused! “You guys are crazy. Why would you do something that would cause you to be disabled?”
“I never said we were smart!” Maeve, to my astonishment, laughed along with Jacob. “Seriously though, it's complicated. The insultingly short version is: humans experimented with alcohol for literally our entire history, some post industrial nits thought it was evil and banned it, so people made their own. Bootlegging Moonshine became its own culture, even the not so smart parts, so methanol based drinks are still around.”
“But seriously though, to turn blind.” Tarlim’s voice was full of worry, and his tail didn’t hide it. “Why do something that would cause them to be cast out?”
“Cast out??”
A silence fell over the table, while Maeve and Jacob watched Tarlim, who began to shrink under their gazes. I hadn’t been expecting this reaction; wouldn’t humans do the same? Isn’t that what… Wait. Maeve wouldn’t, not in a million years! Why did I think that humans would do this?
“Why,” Jacob asked, “would you think we would cast someone out?”
“B-because that’s what… we… oh Speh!” Tarlim did his best to bury his face in his paws, and I hid behind my ears. “Why did I think that? It isn’t true- of course it isn’t! The exterminators said it! Gods!”
“Yeah,” Jacob said as he shook his head slowly, “that ain’t what we do. We try to help them live as normal a life as possible.”
“Yeah,” Maeve agreed. “We teach them how to use guiding sticks, give correctional implants, or help them learn braille!”
That last word caught my attention. The translator seemed to struggle with it, saying it was some form of communication for people who couldn’t see, but not how. “Braille? What’s that? The translator didn’t quite get it.”
“It’s a kind of writing.” Maeve explained, “Little bumps whose patterns translate to a letter. A blind person can pass their fingers over the bumps to feel the pattern and thus read through their hands.”
“Don’t y’all have something similar?” Jacob directed his question at Tarlim, “you told me once that the Xeno-what’s it hospital.” He twirled his hand dismissively, “You said it had classes. Don’t they teach stuff like that there?”
“Those…” Tarlim spoke up, then hesitated. “Those classes are for families. Teaching them how to care for their herd members. Not for… us.”
Jacob shook his head. “Okay? Ah mean, that’s fine fer families, but what about someone without one? Or if they go somewhere the rest of their herd doesn’t?”
"It depends on the family," Alvi added her voice, "some will go without to stay with the weak, but some will just…" Her ears fell, "leave them. And for those that don't have… don't have a herd they…"
A deep sadness drifted from the Giant, “Sleep on the streets.”
“Bullshit!” Jacob slammed his hand against his table. “I’m not gonna lie and say we humans don’t have homeless, but no support if they don’t have a family or herd? None? What about shelters? Food banks? Those… those bunkers everybody evacuated to in panic!”
“We have food banks!” I piped up, wishing to add some hope to the gloom, “We don’t let people just starve! If people are tight on money, they are completely free to visit one of the social centers or food banks! They have services there to match you with a herd, and sometimes they give community service. It's considered pre-disease treatment.” But I couldn’t ignore the Tarlim in the room. "Sometimes people fall through the cracks. And sometimes, as I just learned… they are dropped through."
"Oh my god…" Maeve sighed, her face pointed at nothing.
“Hold it. Pre-disease?” Jacob’s voice dripped with skepticism. “So you're saying that someone visiting one of those places would be saying they have your Predator Disease?”
I answered immediately, "Not necessarily. It is more supposed to prevent herdless behavior. I've never been in the system, though, so I don't know what it looks like inside."
“It’s a big room.” I wince at Tarlim’s tone as he interrupts. “A bunch of bunk beds crammed together in the center with Exterminators watching over at all hours as you eat, sleep, and… everything else. Watching for the slightest excuse to cry Predator Disease.” He let out a huff of distaste. “When I was in the facility, there were five inmates who tried to stick around me despite what the faculty said.” He stared directly at me as he said the final words. “Three of them were snatched in one of those places. There’s a reason I slept in the streets.”
“But… but they wouldn’t…”
I remember the photo. I remember the corruption on Emerald Marble. I remember the testimony from Clegal Falls. So many children, abandoned by their families.
"Who am I kidding. I want so badly to believe we aren't like that, but…" I pointed despondently at my pad in the center of the table.
"It's ok, Valek, this is actually familiar to us." Maeve's voice soothed my melancholy, as she tried to rub my head with her elbow, "We haven't solved those problems ourselves, but we have made huge strides. Hopefully, more opportunities and less facilities may give them a fighting chance."
“Here’s hoping,” Jacob agreed.
I heard Tarlim sigh, but his tail… wagged?. “And as little as it may be, there is now at least one city with no Facility at all.”
A city with no facility. Somewhere that people with… possible Predator Disease roamed free. For two years. And yet, this place… it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t in chaos. There weren’t people being devoured in the streets at all times. There was… there was nothing. Just a normal city…
How could so few have realized…
“By the way,” my train of thought was interrupted by Jacob’s voice, “bit of a subject change, but Maeve. Are you going to eat any of your food?” He gestured to our plate. “You haven’t even touched that since we arrived.”
Maeve flipped her hand, and her voice was light and kind, "It's quite a pain to eat through this. I'd already had enough before you guys got here, I'll be fine."
Jacob shook his head. “Ah don’t buy that. There’s only one plate in front of you, and it’s only been nibbled.” He leaned forward, placing his elbow on the table. “It’s the teeth thing, isn’t it?”
Tarlim signaled concern, while his ears locked onto Maeve. “Are you not eating just so I don’t see your teeth?”
Maeve was quiet for a moment. She was thinking about her next words, like I had seen so many times before. "... I'm sorry I lied to you, I should have seen you're more comfortable than the average Venlil. Teeth is a part of it, yes, but I have had the most intense reaction from my eyes and hair. I'm red-headed, rather brightly I'll add."
Jacob leaned back in his chair, and chuckled, "Oh, No!"
Tarlim’s affected slid to confusion, "I don't get it, what am I missing?"
"Uhh, there's no easy way to say this bud, but her hair makes it look like she's doused and speckled in Venlil blood."
Of course, there really isn’t a good way to say that. It was the most alarming thing about Maeve when we first met, and Alvi took almost three paws to get used to it! I hoped that Tarlim wouldn’t freak out too badly.
He stared blankly. “Ooookaaay? And why is that a problem?”
Whut.
“Wait,” Alvi was the first to speak, “you aren’t bothered?”
Tarlim cocked his head quizzically, “Why should I be? It’s a fur color. I have seen pictures of Sulians with a pigment that makes them look like the color of our blood.” I could only stare in shock as he simply sipped from his soda. “Don’t starve yourself on my account.”
Ok Tiny, you're laying it on a little thick. You don’t have to be that nonchalant.
My ears focused on him as I called him out, “Alright, how are you so calm about this? Even the braver Venlil on the station were nervous around humans that weren’t their partners. Why aren’t you?”
“Guys, look at me. I tower over all of you. What could they do to me that a prey couldn’t? That…” His whistling laugh dripped with irony, “that a prey hasn’t already done?”
What they… that hasn’t… that has to be the most cynical reason for bravery I’ve heard.
I remembered the video of the station incident. My father’s rifle, ready to fire. The shuttle driver dropping us in the middle of a forest. And through it all, Maeve’s smile never left me.
I joined the four of them in boisterous laughter at the ridiculous reversal of everything I have ever known and been taught. When the world is upside down, what can you do but laugh?
Shortly after, Maeve regained her breath and answered, "I'm glad you can laugh about it! Well, consent given…" and she removed her veil entirely.
I watched as Maeve removed her head covering, marveling at the luscious waves of sunset falling against her shoulder. I couldn’t stop my tail from swaying as I saw her bright smile light up the entire room, and set my heart ablaze; a fire more hungry than any Exterminators’ torch. And in that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel her hair in my paws, scent her salt on my tongue, and hear our jubilations rattle off the walls of wherever we stood. To know her, completely. And maybe ‘biblically’.
Tarlim spoke with certainty, as if stating a fact that was beyond obvious, “You have very nice eyes,” Damn right, she does. And my snout bloomed at the well deserved compliment. “The color reminds me of a freshly sprouted Darkwood leaf.” Tarlim turned his attention to me, “From what I understand, you two are very brave to have seen her without her mask.”
I flapped my ears to shake off my reverie, and I breathed deeply as I remembered how we began. "It took time. We had talked by text for a couple weeks before the meetup, and our introduction in the room went smoothly. But when she took off her hair wrap, I… I could hear the sound of blood on the ground. I tried to dive under the bunk, but I missed. Woke up in the clinic with a nasty bump." and I laid my paw on the place of impact, now well healed.
Jacob chuckled. “You certainly weren't the only one to react by freaking out.” He turned his visor towards Alvi. “What about you?”
"My first time was in the forest." Alvi started, "Maeve was… having a hard time. I caught her eyes when I was trying to talk to her and… I uhh… I fainted!" She pulled her ears in front of her face, "and the second time! We were in Valek's b-" her voice caught in her throat.
I met Alvi’s eye while she sat on Maeve’s lap, reaching out to offer comfort as I picked up her story, "It's ok, Alvi. Our first rest at the farm we were all sharing a bed, Maeve's spare room wasn't finished yet. Maeve's uncovered face was the first thing Alvi saw when she woke, and she locked up. At least we took the opportunity to get used to eye contact."
"How about you two?" Maeve spoke to Tarlim directly, "You mentioned you were from the first wave on Prime Station? I'm glad you both made it out of the attack!"
“Nah,” Jacob waved his hand, palm facing out, “Only one of us was on the station.”
Tarlim sighed in disappointment, “Yeah, I’m certain you can guess why it wasn’t me.”
Maeve sympathetically returned his disappointment, “Ah. I can see why your size would be a prohibitor. Though I’m certain a human would have gotten creative to make a fix. But no use lamenting what is already done. And you, Jacob?” She switched to facing Jacob, and asked through a bite of fried sweetwood. “How did you fare in the attack?”
Jacob shrugged, “ah volunteered to help recover drifters after the raid cause, well, Spacesuit.” he gestured at his sadly un-blue pelts, “But Ah’m sure we can talk about that even more in a bit. Fer now,” he shook the now empty fried dough bags, “Ah don’t think these were filling enough. Do any of y’all have suggestions on what else to eat?”
“Not around here if you’re looking for ‘filling’,” Maeve answered, “If I’m being honest, as delicious as I find their food, everything has been very calorie-light. I would ki-- uh… be very excited for some pasta. This girl needs her carbs!” Her giggle was adorable. I could tell she was about to say something else, but she recovered well.
“Well why not eat some Stringfruit?” Tarlim offered, excited to be helpful, “It’s one of the more dense foods, more content and less juice, and has a good amount of protein inside. Good savory taste, in my opinion. Or maybe some more Bunt leaf salad. Hearty plant. Bit neutral, but that makes it good with just about everything. And even though it’s not my taste, firefruit is a good option for calories.”
I was impressed; He was more familiar with some of our foods than even my parents! Maeve and Jacob looked at him in surprise before he clarified, “I’m big! Need to eat more to fuel my size!”
Maeve lit up in another smile, “I will take those notes! The three of us can check a cafe that we passed on the way. But Jacob, what were your first impressions when you got to Venlil habitations? The smell took some getting used to, but at least it’s not sour…” Her question surfaced memories of her teeth on my neck, and I hoped my bloom wasn’t noticeable.
Tarlim’s ears turned in confusion, “Smell? What scent do you mean?”
Maeve shrugged, “It’s just something I noticed while on the station. Humans have their own scents, some stronger than others, but I noticed that the Venlil are especially thick; might be a consequence of having to taste the air. You, for example, remind me of when I took a nap in a field of honeysuckle.”
In response to Maeve’s words, Tarlim leaned forward for a scenting breath.
It was an interesting part of our biology. While our lack of a physical nose caused many to assume that we Venlil had no sense of smell, that wasn’t quite true. Our mouth and tongue had more taste receptors than most other races, so we could taste the air much like other races could smell it; though we were less sensitive and more specialized. We would be able to discern the difference between fruits one day apart in age, but things like petroleum products were completely scentless to us. Maeve and I had a wonderful conversation about the differences in our biology when that was first brought up.
Tarlim appeared to approve of our choice of shampoo. “Interesting. If multiple people were using the same scented fur-care, I can see how it would be overwhelming at first. But Jacob is going to get his own apartment. We’re just waiting to hear from the magistratta with news. Should be on this paw or the next. I’m sure that sleeping on a couch wouldn’t be an accurate impression.”
“Certainly not,” Jacob agreed. “Just thankful the apartment is tall enough!”
“Yeah, I can stand straight with my ears flat. Barely fitting for me, but good headroom for humans!” Tarlim flattened his ears, mimicking his issues with low ceilings, before laughing amiably.
“But fer now,” Jacob calmly stood from the table, “my stomach demands to be satisfied. Perhaps we could all check out that cafe y’all noticed?”
Alvi’s ears excitedly perked, “That would be fantastic! They had a stringfruit soup bowl with spiceleaf and nightberry on the window that I’d love to try! They're just leeward of the Dome, about two streets over.” Maeve set her down before standing as well.
Tarlim was next to rise, agreeing and swinging their tail in clear joy and friendliness. Maeve and Jacob reapplied their coverings before we all walked as a herd to the exit.
​
First -- Previous -- Next

Looking for advice: I have a new raised bed garden that I filled late last year with a bottom 20% leaves and sticks and the rest high quality top-soil + compost delivered from my local garden center + some peat moss. I also planted a cover crop of fava bean over the winter + top dressed with a bit of lobster compost before planting.
Seedlings (cucumbers, beans, squash) have been germinating quickly, but after several days look yellowish and stunted. Thought it was overwatering so I pulled back, but now beds are dry to my first knuckle. The weather has been horrible - cold (high 40s at night still, 60-70s days) with little rain and not a ton of sun (zone 6b). I'm so sad, I thought I got off to such a strong start. Only thing doing well are snap peas, zucchini transplants and my flowers.
Any ideas? Beds too hot? Just need to wait for it to warm up?

I just went in for my dating ultrasound yesterday at 7 weeks 5 days, and got to see the little beans and heartbeats. Both measuring about the same, one was slightly smaller but the tech said it was negligible, however the heart rate difference took me by surprise. One was 142 and the other 156.
Anyone have this before? Is this normal? I can’t seem to find anything online really.

I reckon the best way to find work is to follow your passion. Sure, we all need money to get by, but what’s the point in wasting your time on something you hate? We all know that money can’t buy happiness. It’s not just about having a cool car and tasty food every day. There are plenty of rich and famous folks who’ve struggled with addiction and even taken their own lives. That’s why I believe happiness is more about how you live each day rather than how much money you have in the bank. And let’s be real, if you’re good at what you do, the money will come eventually.
​

Follow your passion, whether it’s engineering or art

​
A true pro is someone who’s passionate about their work, no matter what it is. I’ve always been into mechanical engineering ever since I was old enough to know what it was. So, I decided to pursue it as my life’s work. I hope my experience can help others who are considering a mechanical engineering major, just like I was not long ago.

Best Colleges for Mechanical Engineering in Louisiana: Conditions to Apply

Look, I don’t wanna talk about things I don’t really know about, so let me tell you a bit about schools in Louisiana, okay? If you’re not from the Pelican State, don’t worry, you can still stick around and read this — you might pick up some generally useful tips (By the way, did you know that Louisiana is the only state in the U.S. that doesn’t have counties?). I haven’t done any research, but I believe that the requirements for applying to schools that open career paths for mechanical engineers are roughly the same in all states.
When I turned 18 and got my high school diploma, it was enough for me to get into mechanics school. According to the internet, state-issued GEDs are also acceptable, and I see no reason not to believe that. Some schools may have additional or different requirements, and as much as I hate making generalizations, let me break down those demands in detail for you.

Mechanical Engineer Degree Requirements: What You Should Know to Get Enrolled

So, what else do you need besides a high school diploma and being 18 to get into a mechanics school? Let’s take a look at some of the schools in Louisiana.

• Central Louisiana Technical Community College is one of those places that want you to pass the ACCUPLACER test to make sure you can read, write, and do math. But here’s the catch: it costs between $10 and $50 (I took this from the school’s official site, where else?).
• On the other hand, Delgado Community College is totally chill, and you don’t even need a high school transcript or GED/HiSET equivalency. And if you’re not sure what those are, don’t worry, I had to Google it too.
• Then there’s South Louisiana Community College, which can offer a mechanical engineering degree but does not have any additional requirements.

So, depending on the school you choose, you may or may not have to do a little extra work. I’ve made my shortlist of three schools and want to share it with you.

Community Colleges for the Start of Mechanical Engineering Career: Louisiana Edition

I didn’t see a problem with heading out to another town to get my mechanic degree, so I checked out schools from different parts of Louisiana.

Sowela Technical Community College

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByOWp8ApU1g
Sowela Technical College is located in Lake Charles, and it’s a small, cozy school that boasts a 100% acceptance rate (which I’m sure is a concern for many of us, right?). Their campus looks pretty impressive and modern, at least based on the pictures. Along with a high school diploma, they require the SOWELA Placement Test, which could set you back around 20 bucks. However, they also accept ACT or SAT scores instead of their specific exam. The school stresses that their test isn’t too tough, and the results are valid for several years.
According to their official website, graduates from this school can expect to earn a minimum starting salary of $28,700, which I think is pretty attractive. A good salary for the mechanical work I want to do, as I said before.

L.E. Fletcher Technical Community College

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWkHHiWCDN8
This school is located in Schriever and belongs to those pleasant places that don’t require additional tests. All it demands is that you be over 16 years old (not even 18!), provide them with proof of selective service registration, and satisfy the requirements of Louisiana immunization of persons entering school. I think that the last requirement appeared because of the pandemic we’ve been surviving over the last few years. Don’t know about you, but for me, it’s pleasant to know that the school takes care of my health.
L.E. Fletcher Technical Community College also has a 100% acceptance rate but a little bit lower starting salary for graduates, $24,400. But their campus is epic, I must say. It can be a truly good choice if you want to start your path in mechanical engineering fields early.

Northshore Technical Community College

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5KVGxKqr18
Northshore Technical Community College is in Lacombe. The acceptance rate in this school is also a pleasant 100%, and the salary of graduates starts at $21,400. To enroll, you have to complete an application, have proof of immunization, and have proof of selective service status. As you can see, this school does not mention the age of their potential students, but somehow I got the impression that they want people to be under 18. I don’t know why, but I think so. Their campus looks brand new in the pictures. It gave a similar impression to the one at Sowela Technical Community College, and it’s pretty good, I’d say. It’s definitely not the last choice for one who’s looking for colleges for mechanical engineering, as I was.

Conclusion for Your Encouragement

To be honest, I was thinking a lot about this mechanical engineering career. It seemed pretty appealing to me, but I also wondered if I really needed to go to school for it. I mean, maybe I could just have taken a year off, worked a bit, and figured out what I really wanted. But then I realized that I was just scared of rejection. I mean, so what if I got rejected? I could still take that year off to figure things out.
​

At the end of the day, I knew that mechanical engineering was my jam. It’s one of my biggest passions, and I knew I wanted to spend my time pursuing mechanical engineering career paths. So I took those extra tests (not gonna lie, they were a piece of cake), and I got into my top choice school!

​
Sorry, I’m not gonna spill the beans on which one it was, since gotta keep some mystery going. I just hope my experience can help you make the right choice for yourself.

Being poor and disabled in 2023 in the United States is a death sentence. Here's why:
Housining unaffordable. Corporation are buying up all the houses and ten retih them at 3x what they're orth. They require 3 to 4 times the rh amount in income. So a $1200 studio requires $3600 in income, good luck getting that.
Houses are being sold for 5x their value. A house valued at $80,000 is being sold for $400,000 even in poor rual areas like min. Which means try sit empty. Banks own these from foreclosure so they can just sit on them.
It's nearly impossible to get a home loan in an amount that I'll buy anything. For example I'm tryh to get a home loan with usda because the have programs to help low income, disabled and seniors buy rural houses. I'm on SSI because I'm paraplegic and have more health problems than we have time to talk about. With the program, by the time they allot more to insurance and property taxes which is more than the loan amount I mgt get a $70,000 loan which I'll buy nothing in my state, much less this tiny rural area.
I'm still homeless because I have to live in a subpar rv. I rent a space that costs way too much but is the cheapest option for the moment. Except I'm being forced out. Also this place is slum. No water pressure. No management. They can't even pay the water bills to keep the water on. People selling drugs, stealing and tresspassing.
Now let's talk about food. Inflation is so high you can't afford food. Potatoes are $6.50 for a bag. There is no poor people food. People are living on beans and rice af being told to forage for dqndilion greens in the wild where they could be sprayed with weed killer.
Ebt was cut for millios of people. Not just a little ether. Most lost all their ebt. Going from the amout g $281 to the minimum their state allows, in my case is now $25.
Healthcare is for profit and unaffordable for most. People go bankrupt trying to afford to stay alive. Millions were cut off from government healthcare. Hey are going to die now.
There is a pandemic that everyone wants to ignore. Won't wear masks and gladly spread a virus that kills people.
Reproductive rights are gone. People can't get the care or medications try need. People are dying and suffering as half the country aret considered human. Getting sterilized for women is nearly impossible.
LGBTQ+ people are being slaughtered. People of color are being slaughtered. Rights for anyone other than white males are all but gone.
We have gun control. There are amass shootings everyday.
We have two political parties. One are old white conservatives and the republicans are terriosts.
I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot. But these are the top reasons.

Figured out that beans and lentils are giving me stomach issues
So far I've swapped out the beans in my meal prep for tofu and quinoa. I'm eating this everyday aswell as soy milk in my oats every morning.. little bit worried I'm consuming too much soy
I'm trying to be as healthy as possible and avoid processed foods and mock meats, so besides soy based proteins and beans.. any suggestions what other healthy sources of protein I can use? high calorie would also be ideal as I'm bulking atm
Interested in hearing what you guys are eating

So I have started healthy eating + exercise and could do with tips from everyone on this subreddit.
Stats

1. 25M, 5'7" and used to weigh 97kgs as of 27 May 2023
   
2. Started a more strict but manageable diet (can't attach stats as the community does not allow attachments?)
   
3. As of today I weigh 93.5kgs
   
4. Foods stopped: Added sugars from candies. I have stopped milk (I am possibly lactose intolerant, very weird because I have had bouts of intolerance followed by normal consumption), I no longer eat the junk I did before, no fast food (except occasionally a roasted chicken 6" Subway). Used to eat a lot of snacks like chips and popcorn, stopped those. There are a few things I can't stop so I control the portion, example Cheddar Cheese. I have a teaspoon worth or two of cheddar cheese every day and often pair with 3-4 walnuts. Increased intake of fruits daily.
   
5. Exercise: Entirely cardio currently. HIIT routine with jumping jacks, pushups + daily 25 minutes on the elliptical.
   
6. I sleep late due to my routine but I ensure to get 7H daily.
   

Questions:

1. Am I eating too little? My calorie deficit is almost always 1000+ every day.
   
2. I am not doing any strength training. I intend to lose another 10 kgs over the next couple of months and then join a proper gym. Can't do this now as my schedule is extremely packed. Hence why my current daily cardio and exercise occurs between 11PM to 12AM at home.
   
3. Any other tips to make this journey more sustainable and achievable? I am resisting cheat days and instead I am interested in knowing more about refeed days. I have no idea how many calories to eat on a refeed day. My weight is up & down. Dropped to 95, went up to 96 and then ket dropping to about 93.5 over the last few days.
   
4. Need more sources of easy protein. I am skeptical about Soy with all the rumours surrounding weight gain and hormonal changes. Currently I eat: -
   

Mung beans, Dal, Eggs (whole/whites), Chicken & occasionally cottage cheese
These are my main sources.
Edit: Daily average calories consumed is ~1700 calories. 39% carbs, 44% fats and 17% protein. Water consumption: 3-4L/day

Hello there,
I know I am working and it means I won’t have a lot of free time but… I’m… I’m… horny 😳
So, here’s the idea, you’re gonna add me on sc, we’re gonna talk a bit, and then, you’re going to ask me to go to the toilet, if I give you a excuse to not to, start to force me, dom me, I will easily obey you. Then, once in the toilet, force me to jerk off fast for you ! Send me pics, vids, voice message, anything to not have choice.
I'm very into voice message (if you're able to do it) or pics and vids
Role play idea :

- a stranger add me on Snapchat/Reddit. This is the most realist one, just add me and tell me to jerk off I will be your little good boy and stroke my cock to your fav and kinks (pics, vids…). Start the plot straight away after to add me. - You are my buddy and I’m telling you how horny I am recently, you decide to “help me out” by sending me straight content (pics, vids, gif) and … little by little…. You’re trying with few bi-stuff (I’m into femboy, very cute feminize boy) and you’re trying to convince me how “no homo” is it, because they look like girls. The goal is of course to make me at the end for you and for femboy and sissy stuff - my aunt (a bossy woman and doctor) are so nice with me and help me out because I’m in pain. “Auntie… it may be weird… but… I have p-pain… somewhere… can… can you keep a secret ?” You’re my aunt who will understand that I didn’t stroke for few days. You will decide to help me 

I’m into sissy, femboy, femvoice, big boobs, big ass, bossy milf, RP.
Start the RP directly after adding me (I can't show off) Sc: johntracer

Hello friends! I've been lurking here since I failed my 1 hour screen last week at 158. This community made me feel so much better about my result! thank you all! I see there's a lot of posts about food recommendation requests. I've been "mindful of my carbs" for the last 6 years, so I have developed an arsenal of good low carb food options. I'll list a few below. Unfortunately many may be specific to the US. Also, luckily my 3 hour test came back all normal and I haven't had to monitor my glucose at home, so i don't speak from GD experience.
These are all things I'm able to find at my local grocery stores (harris teeter and giant)
[Bread] Hotdog buns, burger buns, bagels and slice bread: 647 brand from Schmidt/old time has so much fiber and half the amount of net carbs of regular breads. No one can tell this is "lower carb" bread.
Flat bread and "lavash": Joseph bread has a flax and oat barn line that's VERY good. Again, no one can tell it's lower carb.
Tortillas: so many companies make low carb tortillas, they're generally all good. I prefer Ole extreme.
[Pasta] Al Dente has a line called Carba-nada. It has been a go to. It's the closest to regular pasta with a little more character and half the carbs and double the fiber.
Bonza has chickpea pasta that is 30 grams net carbs per serving. It's a little more squishy than regular pasta, but I like it quite a lot. They have ready mac and cheese boxes with decent macros if you restrict yourself to a single serving!
Explore Cuisine has different types of bean pastas. I like all of them! They all have a mild but distinct taste that can be a hit or miss depending on the dish. They're all VERY good on their own with some light sauce or garlic olive oil. They're very heavy on the protein so I often prefer them with no meat.
[Savory snacks] Beef/jerkey sticks (look at macros)
Olives! Several brands make "liquid free" snacking olives. My favorite is Mario
P3 protein snacks
Popcorn if you can not finished whole bag
Flavored almonds. Blue Diamond has a wide variety of non-boring almonds.
Any snacking cheese in individual packs (string, cheddar sticks, baby Belle.. so many!)
Quest protein chips have only 3 grams net carbs
[Sweet treats] NICK'S products. Ice crams and bars and other stuff too. I LOOoRRRVVVEE their peanut chocolate protein bar, it's basically a snickers bar but not as sweet. It's the very best!
Berries with reddit wip
KIND ice cream bars have decent macros!
Halo top ice cream (NOT the whole pint, and not the sorbet)
Skinny Dipped almonds. Espresso and lemon are my favorite!
Lily's chocolate
[Sugar alternatives] I'm a firm believer in diversity and moderation. I believe that having huge amounts of any type of sugar on the regular is not great. So I personally try to mix them up (including having regular sugar in moderation). But here's my two cents.
Monk fruit sugar: most similar to regular sugar. By far my favorite. People can't tell the difference between it and regular sugar. Generally haven't noticed any bad gut effects.
Allulose: not as sweet as sugar. Still good. 85% similar to regular sugar in taste.
Stevia: definitely has a weird aftertaste. Not my favorite but has its uses and great mixed with other sugars or fruit-heavy desserts.
Swerve: pretty alright. It's an erythritol mix which makes me bloated if I consume a lot of it. I use it frequently in small amounts or mixed with other sugars!
Xylitol: has a minty cooling effect. I only like it in icecream and gum. May cause bloating too.
Sucralose: there's been many studies showing its not the best for you. I DON'T avoid it like the plague, but would personally rather have regular sugar over sucralose.
[Quick meals/sides/lunches/snacks] Boca burgers (with 647 buns, mayo cheese and sugar free ketchup!) Just pop them in the microwave for 1:30 mins!
Cherry tomatos + fresh mozzarella + olive oil and balsamic + basil
Cucumber + cream cheese + everything seasoning
Trader joes crisp bread crackers + smoked salmon + cream cheese
[Breakfast, other than the obvious, EGGS <3] Pancakes and waffles, there's SO many brands that make low carb options. Our store has Birch Benders and it's pretty alright!
Avocado + hemp seeds + seasoning + lime (or even a splash of apple cider vinegar)
647 brand toast with a slice of cheddar cheese!
Cottage cheese (even the fruity ones are very low carb)
Cheese platter, sugar free jelly and sugar free peanut butter and crackers/low carb bread
[General cooking advice] If you can, join a service that delivers vegitables to you weekly. This will force you to cook at home and not let things go to waste and eat A LOT more vegetables.
A spiralizer is fun! Veggies are not a substitute for noodles, but they often work well in many dishes!
Cooking shredded cabbage in a very hot wok with soy sauce and garlic is a great base for Asian dishes. A regular pan would steam the cabbage, so it's not as good.
Spaghetti squash is your friend. You can poke holes in it and microwave it whole.
Air frier is another one of your best friends. They speed things up tremendously making it more likely for you to eat at home!
Cooking LOTS of tomatoes + garlic + onion + Italian seasoning + dump any other vegitable and protein you have available until the tomatoes really reduce, will ALWAYS result in a yummy meal. Topped with feta and pine nuts and olive oil? Yes please. Low carb bread works with this.
Any vegitable combination + any ground or shredded protein + a can of salsa + Mexican seasoning + (beans optional, they add fiber, protein and substance but also add carbs) make an excellent meal on its own OR in a low carb tortilla. Avocado and sour cream work on the side.
Salads with a hot protein on top feel more like a meal than an all cold salad. They're less boring too.
I hope this was useful, even little!

Occupation – Government employee
Age – 34
Location – Zimbabwe
My salary – $500 (paid monthly)
Side Gig Income – $0
Other income – negligible amounts from dividends received from my stock portfolio that I re-invest
Housemates – 4 (husband P, 6 year old L, 4 year old E and nanny F. My nephew M is around and makes appearances too)
​
Assets and Liabilities
​

Equity	$60,000 fully paid off
Retirement Balance	??	I contribute monthly, and employer matches fully. But because of changes in currency and hyperinflation, I don’t really count this as an asset
Savings	$1700	(went down due to travelling trying to get my passport done since it expired)
Current account balance	$660	Includes my mum's money since I'm managing her financial affairs while she's abroad
Loan from employer	$130	I took a personal loan from work, because the interest rates are lower than rate of inflation and repayment is over 18 months. Loan was used to make improvements on our house, and what wasn’t used, I bought shares on our stock exchange, due to hyperinflation, the amount I owe in US$ has gone down
Investments (shares in various counters on our local stock exchanges)	$1,186
Car	$4,000	Based on current resale value. Car was bought secondhand for cash

​
Income progression- (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/)
​
Expenses
This year, my husband and I decided that he would take on the bulk of our expenses since I do most of the domestic work/childcare. Expenses I pay will be indicated. My salary is now for my expenses, my investments and my savings, and spoiling the kids. Husband caters for the family basics. There was a point last year when I felt my husband wasn’t as invested in the family because he barely did anything financially. By having him cater for all expenses, he is now definitely involved and invested. My husband’s income is just about the same as mine, slightly higher at some times.
​
My Expenses

Expense	Amount /period	Note
Car insurance and licensing	$300/annum	This is due in March, and I pay for the entire year
Petrol	$60/month
Electricity	$10/month
Airtime/data	$20/month
Groceries	$60/month	This is for additional groceries such as bread, veg and fruit bought during the month
Kids’ clothes	$40/month	I’m trying to build up their winter wardrobe so I try to buy them something each month
Makeup/clothes/toiletries/ supplements/hair	$30/month	I do not us this much monthly though
Water	$15/month	Based on last bill received in April. We do not get water consistently so bills are infrequent
Donations	$20/month	Ad hoc donations to a soup kitchen, and maternal health fun
Stock market investment	$50/month	May invest more or less, but I do try to buy shares every payday

​
Household Expenses (paid by P)
​

Expense	Amount /period	Note
Groceries	$200/month	Bulk grocery shopping of staple food items and toiletries
LP Gas	$30/approx. every 2 months	We buy when it runs out. Usually every 2 months depending on how bad the power supply is
Medical	$15/month	For OTC meds (painkiller, cough syrup, antacid stocked for emergencies) and any prescriptions
Pet expenses	$60/ twice a year	For vaccinations and checkups for 4 dogs. Pet food is covered under groceries
School fees for the kids	$347/ term	One kid has fees paid every month, the other every 3 months
Nanny	$80/month	Less than before as both kids are now in school fulltime, and nanny is there to get them ready for school and care after school for 3 hours.
DSTV subscription	$37/month
Transport for kids to/from school	$60/month	L gets picked up and dropped off at home daily, E is dropped off after school

​
Previous MDs - (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/vbbb7s/i_live_in_zimbabwe_making_3600year_and_i_just/) and (https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/yc801g/i_am_33_years_old_and_i_just_graduated_with_my/)
​
MD Q&A
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I have a BSc in Accounting, a Masters in Accounting, and a Postgraduate Diploma in Taxation. My parents both have Masters degrees, and in my family, the bare minimum acceptable for education was getting a Bachelors. My mother paid for my undergraduate degree, and I paid cash for my postgraduate studies.
​
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad is the wealthier of the two, my mum has always been middle-class. My mum brought me up with very little financial help from my dad, he only covered tuition and healthcare until I turned 18. My mum catered for everything else. My mum taught me how to look for bargains, how to save and invest, and also how to sometimes enjoy your money.
​
If you have, when did you move out of your parents'/guardians' house?
I would say I moved out at 26 when I got my current job. I had moved out when I got my first fulltime job, but moved back home when that contract ended
​
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
At 26 again. That's when I earned enough to cover all my bills without needing help. My husband P covers some aspects of my financial life, and my mum occasionally helps out with stuff for her grandchildren.
​
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked as a receptionist at my mum's law firm after finishing my A Levels (age 18) while waiting to start university. My mum gave me the job to keep me occupied and out of mischief, lol.
​
Do you worry about money now?
I worry about building generational wealth for my children. I want to make sure they will be set for life as adults. I do worry about money because hyperinflation is eroding my earnings and retirement dramatically. This is my second time losing my retirement. My mum and in laws are losing their retirement for the third time, so honestly our old age looks bleak if we do not invest outside of work pensions.
​
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
I receive negligible dividends from the shares I own, lol.
​
Day 1
0430 – I’m woken up by loadshedding. I sigh, rollover, and sleep some more
0600 – Alarm goes off. I turn it off, enjoy cuddles from P and finally get out of bed. Our water tanks ran out 4 days ago, and council has not yet deigned to give us water, so we rely on P’s parents and friends to give us water. I get my water that was warming up on the stove, and take a quick bucket bath. I moisturize, do my brows, throw my lace wig on (I cut my hair in January, and I’m at a really awkward stage where my hair looks bad when I wear it out all day) and get dressed. It’s cold in the mornings so I put on winter stockings and a black and white chevron patterned dress, nude ballet pumps plus my warm jacket. I get E from the couch where he was watching Cocomelon and my lunch bag out of the kitchen and we head off to his school. After dropping off E, I go to the office. No electricity means no elevator, so I go up the stairs. I see my boss’s boss and greet him as we do the ZESA (local electricity company) sponsored workout. I log in to the work register, fill up my kettle, and settle down to check out my work email. Nothing urgent came through overnight, so I go into my personal email. The wig company I patronize has given me a code for my birthday, and I’m wondering if I should pull the trigger on my cart. I decide to do a report while thinking this through.
My mum is currently working out of the country, so I am managing her local finances/obligations while she’s away. I remember I have to buy the prepaid electricity token for my childhood home as well as for the house she lives in when she’s working in the country. I spend $23 on electricity for both houses (mum’s money so doesn’t count)
1030 – After doing some firefighting and office gossip I have my breakfast. Today its rice, peas and 2 fried eggs. I sprinkle some peri-peri Aromat on top since I don’t have a sauce/gravy ad I have been craving spicy food lately. I also pop my multivitamin and supplements. I check my team’s work and send back anything that needs correcting. I also generate the multiple reports my boss expects from me. I suddenly remember I need to claim my allowance for performing a role that is higher than my actual position at work. I quickly complete the form, and send it to my boss for his signature. The extra money from this is what I use to fund my stock market investments. I also remind my team to send a report to me for consolidation by noon.
12.00 – I do a major push of all my work due today so I can relax after lunch. I compile my reports and set them ready to send. I also finish my first 2 litres of water of the day, and cue up the next 2 litres
1300 – Its lunchtime, and my work bestie and I head out around town**. I find shorts that L would fit and buy 2 pairs for $10**. We head back to the office and I have caramel popcorn for lunch. Then I remember I forgot to have my afternoon meds, oops. Anyway, more work before heading to an audit meeting
1630 – The audit meeting is finally over, and I rush to shut down my computer, pack up my things and go home. I have an agreement with my manager that as long as I make up for the hour, by either coming early or skipping lunch, I can leave work at 4pm. I had a total hysterectomy end of last year so I still can’t manage driving in heavy traffic. I arrive home, make the bed (P had not made it when he went to work), and harvest chilies from our garden that have ripened. I also harvest a local herb used as a flu remedy and lemongrass, so I can brew up a tea/tisane for the flu affected people in my house. I also pack L’s lunch for tomorrow, a pie, a naartjie and juice. It’s also F’s payday, so I give her US$80 (P gave me this money).
E says he is hungry so I feed him sadza and sour milk by his request. I multitask covering L’s school textbook while supervising his homework and watching Married to Real Estate and the Great British Bake Off. I then have my dinner of sadza, greens and beef. I have a chat with the kids about their day at school. P gets home.
1900 – P and my nephew M go to fetch water from P’s friend’s house. The city council still hasn’t opened up our water supply. I do some French on Duolingo while the boys wreak havoc in their playroom. I read L and E their bedtime stories and put them to bed. I decide to do my hair in cornrows while watching Masterchef Australia. They get home and I help them carry water indoors. I remember that when power comes back I need to boil tripe on the stove, so I cut it up, put it in the pot with water, salt and garlic, and place it on the electric stove. We have serious loadshedding these days, so we have a gas stove and solar power to tide us over. I take a quick bath and change into my pyjamas. While P watches TV, I read Wild Sweet Love by Beverly Jenkins and continue to do my hair in cornrows.
2200 – My arms are tired and I’m only halfway through with the cornrows. I give up and go to bed with P.
Total spent - $10
​
Day 2
0600 – I hear crying. E is in a bad mood today. I turn off my alarm, and go to see what’s wrong. E does not want to get dressed for school. I sigh, and help F dress him while he throws a massive tantrum. E is dressed, so I go do my morning routine of shower, moisturize, contact lenses, and eyebrow makeup. Today, I wear a green dress I took from my mum, black tights, nude ballet flats and a black and white coat. E gets put into the car by F, and starts crying for porridge. We are already late, so he learns that the consequence of refusing to eat his porridge on time is to go to school without having his porridge. It’s not a big issue though, as he gets fed at school. So I lock the doors and windows and drive him to school as he throws a tantrum for the entire 10 minute drive. I shove him into the school gate and head to work.
It’s another ZESA sponsored stair workout today. I log into the register, and fill up my kettle with water. I switch on my computer, check my work email and send off client emails to my team for their response. My personal email has an annual report from one of the companies I have shares in so I check out if there’s a dividend this year. I own a negligible number of shares in the company though, but 28c per share is quite impressive. I check to see if my stock exchange wallet has been credited with the money I transferred there so I can buy more shares. It still hasn’t so I send a follow up email o the enquiries desk at the stock exchange. I do have a stockbroker, but I prefer doing my trades myself. I also do some French on Duolingo before 8am.
0830 – Our HR is in a tizzy because people are late for work. I don’t make a big deal out of it usually, because salaries are shit and people are demotivated. As long as my team shows up and does some work, I’m ok. I approve some work, and warn my team about coming in a bit too late. I also tell a teammate that she will have to cover for me on Monday as I am taking the day off. Our internet connectivity is shit so I can’t log into our system to check some stuff. My work bestie gives me avocados from her house. I almost cry because I have been craving avocados, but been too cheap to buy them.
1000 – I have a really bad sore throat. I am also hungry since I haven’t had breakfast yet. I jot down my shopping list for the weekend and head to Pick ‘n’ Pay to buy carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, lemons, cheese, polony and bread. I also buy my breakfast/lunch, which is rice, beans, ox liver and egg salad**. It all cost $10**. I leave my shopping in my car, and go to the office to wolf down my food, and take my multivitamin and painkiller. I also receive my wigs that I bought in May. Perfect timing, as I want to wear a new wig tomorrow for our girls’ day out.
I do some more work, and remind my team to send me the information I need for my daily reports.
1300 – I go out to buy a few items I didn’t find in Pick ‘n’ Pay earlier**. I go to Spar and buy peas, eggs, soft drinks for the outing tomorrow and a sausage roll. Total cost is $10**. The outing has been deemed kid friendly, so I needed drinks for the boys to have tomorrow. I get back into the office, and spend the rest of the lunch hour working.
1600 – It’s finally time to go home. I send my email to handover work issues for the person who will take over my role on Monday while I am on leave. I also send my out of office email, and head home. The kids are at their grandmother’s, so I take a leisurely bath, put on my pyjamas and eat dinner. Then I watch Masterchef Australia until P and E get home. I also get in some French Duolingo practice
2000 – P goes out with his friends, so I snuggle up on the couch with E and watch TV. I put E to bed, read him his bedtime story and kiss him good night. I finally finish season 13 of Masterchef Australia, and move on to My Kitchen Rules Australia. I love Australian reality shows, ngl.
2200 – I go to bed P gets home and tells me some bad news about a friend of ours. I feel very sad for him. He cuddles me and we sleep.
Total spent - $20
​
Day 3
0700 – I wake up feeling like a truck ran me over. I get out of bed, and get ready to hand-wash our laundry. We still have no running water so we can’t use the washing machine. I play music while doing my laundry to keep me motivated
0900 – Laundry has been hung out to dry. F has cooked potato curry, so I boil eggs and water. I have my breakfast of potato curry, egg, multivitamin and coffee. Once I’m done, I give E a bath and dress him. I also bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt today as my friends and I ae supposed to take our kids out for a playdate. Then I receive a message that the outing is cancelled since one of our group is really sick. I try to think of something I can do with E, since L is out having fun with his grandmother. I do my Swahili Duolingo practice.
1100 – The welder comes to do some work on our garage door. I monitor the work for a bit, and then my nephew takes over. E starts really bugging me to go out. So I put on my headband wig and sneakers, and pack a cooler bag with snacks and drinks. We head into town and I buy myself some ciders for $9. These are for me to drink when the mood strikes me. E wants to go to a resort by the lake so I oblige him. We pay $8 for our entrance. He goes to play on the swings, and I take pictures of him having fun. Another family turns up, and one of his classmates is among them. He’s so happy, and goes to play with his friend. I watch him running around.
1500 – I get a call from my friend that she’s in town with my cake. This cake was meant for the cancelled outing. I pack up our stuff, hustle E into the car and drive back into town. I let out some colourful swear words when I realise I forgot to get our change of $2. Anyway**, I meet up with my friend and get the cake, and pay her $30**. It’s so pretty. I call my MIL while still in town to find out what time she will be there so I can pick up L. She says it will be an hour, so E and I head home to drop off the cake so it doesn’t melt in my AC-less car.
1600 – We are back in town waiting for L and MIL. E wants an ice cream so I buy him one for $0.50 using money I had in my Innbucks wallet. MIL calls and asks me to head over to where she is to pick L up since she can’t leave yet. E and I get there. MIL gets me sadza and goat tripe stew, which I eat a bit of to be polite even though I am not hungry. When I’m done, I pack up the kids and drive home. I bath and change into my pyjamas.
1800 – I feed the kids, and we play until their weekend bedtime of 8pm. I read them their bedtime stories and tuck them in. I watch TV and iron my morning laundry while having a gin and juice until 9pm, and head to read in bed. P and my nephew arrive home from their amateur soccer league match and subsequent outing with the boys. I fall asleep soon after.
Total spent - $49.50
​
Day 4
0700 – I’m woken up by L demanding that I come and play with them. I am still sleepy so I fob him off.
0900 - F knocks on the door and tells us she is off to church. I finally get out of bed and get dressed. I see the boys playing relatively peacefully so I let them continue with their antics. In the kitchen, I find F had cooked breakfast, and since I’m starving, I heat up water for coffee. L surprisingly isn’t hungry so I serve up breakfast for P and me. I have my daily multivitamin. P heads out to go fetch water, while I bath, change and hang out with the kids. I also do my French Duolingo practice for the day
1200 – I have played with the dogs and kids, and I am exhausted. I collapse onto the couch and watch MKR Australia. P gets home, and naps on the couch. I give the kids haircuts and baths.
1700 – L is hungry and really wants cake, so I feed the kids a dinner of sadza and sour milk. Then some cake for dessert. I also pack L’s school lunch, which will be a polony sandwich, a cupcake and juice. The kids play until its bedtime at 7pm. The usual routine, bedtime stories and tuck in is done
2000 – P and I watch a movie while having some alcoholic drinks.
2200 – Bedtime for us
Total spent - $0
​
Day 5
0600 – It’s my birthday today. I am going all out celebrating myself since TW I tried unaliving myself twice in the past year. L wishes me a happy birthday before he goes to school. I get birthday messages from my mum, dad, SILs, and friends. I also get a call from my brother, his wife and their son, and they sing to me. I feel very loved today. P goes to drop off E at school today so I can sleep in
0800 – I am finally up and hungry. I cook a quick breakfast of boiled eggs, and a bean curry. P takes my car to get serviced, while I bath, moisturize, contact lenses, do a full face of makeup and get dressed for the day. Today I wear a tie-dyed cutout mini-dress and sneakers, and my wavy headband wig
1300 – P is home and he drives me to a hotel outside town near a renowned tourist site in our country. We have a platter of fried fish, chicken strips, pork strips, fries, and a salad to share and multiple Savannah Drys while there. It’s really nice getting to reconnect after a very tumultuous year in our marriage. P pays.
1700 – We drive around the area, before heading home. Once we get home, P and my nephew go on a hunt for water, while I feed the kids. P and I head off to take our showers. I remember why I don’t do a full face of makeup when it take a long time to get the makeup off my face.
1900 – The family sings happy birthday, and we eat cake. Birthday gifts were gin and chocolate. I hustle the boys off to bed. No story today, as they went to bed later than usual. P watches TV while I read my novel.
2100 – Bedtime for the grownups
Total spent - $0
​
Day 6
0530 – I wake up and lie in bed for a bit. Then I read my novel some more.
0620 – I am up, and take my bath, moisturize, do my brows and get dressed. It’s cold this morning, so I wear a yellow dress with black polka dots, black tights and ankle boots. I pack up the cake I’m giving to my colleagues, as well as my water bottle. E and I head out. I drop E off at school, and go to the office. I log into the work register, turn on my computer, and check my emails. There are a few pressing issues I need to get up to speed with. One of my colleagues gives me $50 as a birthday gift. I also hand out the cake to my team.
0900 – Work is pretty quiet today, so I update my MD. I also receive news that one of my nephews is getting married. He is not that much younger than me, and could be my younger brother, but it makes me feel so old.
Note on my family: In our culture, even distant relatives are given close relationships so the large number of nephews/nieces is from those relationships. It’s a big thing done to maintain close family bonds. I have 4 actual (in a Western sense) nephews and nieces who are all under the age of 6.
1000 – I head to the supermarket and buy bread, onions, carrots, pork chops, pork trotters and my breakfast and lunch. This costs $25. The meat is the main cost driver here. I have a sausage roll, my multivitamin, supplement and milk for breakfast. I remember that I need to check if my stock exchange wallet was credited, ugh. The website is refusing to load and I’m very frustrated. I finally log in and see the amount is still not credited. I email and send a tweet to the stock exchange. Hopefully the tweet will get them to start moving.
1200 – My boss is mad. One member of my team left his desk without informing me and there’s an urgent matter. I was about to go downstairs to give P the groceries, so I stick around for a bit before committing the same offence as my subordinate, lol. I quickly get back into my office and check on work, sign some papers and letters, and clear out my emails.
1300 – My work bestie has to run other errands at lunch so I decide to stay in the office. I check my personal email and see I have received a dividend of $0.27, lol. The share price will probably drop soon, so I will buy more shares in this counter if I can get them to increase my shareholding. My goal for this year is to breach the 10,000 share mark for one counter. I suddenly remember I have work to do, so I use my lunch hour to do the work, and then take a quick break to eat my lunch of fries and a sausage and do some Swahili Duolingo practice.
1500 – I am thinking of going home when one of my team members calls me to deal with an angry client. I go to the office, and find out it’s a surprise birthday party from my team. I am so happy, lol. We have more cake, and there’s also fruit and juice. I head home feeling so appreciated with even more cake.
1700 – P and my nephew go out to get water. I warm up my bath water, and give the kids their dinner. Today its rice and croc meat. I make L’s lunch for tomorrow, a toasted polony sandwich and juice. I also pack my lunch, rice, a fried egg and peas. And some cake for my work bestie’s kids. I take my bath; change into my pyjamas and hound E to eat his food. If we let that kid be, he would probably live on the bits of our souls he sucks out daily by being stubborn. I am feeling nauseous so I have plain rice with a bit of avocado. The kids watch cartoons, while I do some more Swahili on Duolingo.
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. Today, there’s no demand for a bedtime story, so I just tuck them in and tell them I love them. I read my novel as increasingly feel more nauseated. I end up going to hurl my guts out. P comes home and finds me lying limply on the bed. He gives me a cuddle, and goes to eat his dinner. I get up but smell fish, and run back to throw up. If I hadn’t had a hysterectomy, I would be doing a pregnancy test ASAP.
2100 – I go to bed, and lie in bed for a bit, before finally drifting off.
Total spent - $25
​
Day 7
0500 – I wake up feeling nauseated again. Ugh, this reminds me of having hyperemesis while pregnant. I put my water on to heat and get back in bed to read some more.
0600 – E comes to lie on our bed. I get out of bed, and go throw up. I get my bath water, take my bath, moisturize and put my contacts in. I look like a reanimated corpse this morning. I do my brows to try bring a bit of life to my face and get dressed. It’s very misty and cold today so I put on warm brown tights, a long black dress, my warm jacket and ballet flats. I grab my lunch and the cake, pop E into the car and head out. Visibility is extremely low, so I drive slowly. I don’t know why people like surprising other drivers by having their cars pop out of the mist without switching on their headlights. I successfully avoid the drivers who hate life and drop E off at school before heading to work.
0700 – I am in the office, and I log into the register, before turning on my computer and checking my work email. Not too much in there, so I check my personal email. My stock exchange wallet has finally been credited with the $100. I also ponder whether I should pull the trigger on a V-part wig.
I do my weekly report, and start doing some boring work in the system. I realise I didn’t save the work I did yesterday, so I have to re-do it, so I can have the list of error messages to send to ICT.
0830 – Everyone is in the office, so I do some reshuffling of duties, so that essential areas are covered while one of my colleagues is on leave. I give the cake to work bestie, who tells me how much her daughter was excited over the cake yesterday. It’s now time for me to put my head down and really focus on knocking out the system work today. I also log into an online training, and I listen while doing my work. My mum also deposits money for my birthday gift and to spoil her grandkids.
1000 – I log into my stock exchange account and buy shares for $99.14 (doesn’t count as spending, as the money was moved before the MD started). The deadline for other departments to submit their weekly reports to me for consolidation has passed so I start following up. One department is a big problem as they always send their report late. Le sigh. I draft a very passive aggressive email to them. I also decide not to buy the wig and instead ask the person making me my custom earrings that I got myself for my birthday to bill me the rest of the money so I can pay and move the remainder of the money in my account into savings. Our currency has taken an enormous hit in the last week, and is free falling dramatically. I’d rather keep USD cash than money in my account at this point. The training finally ends.
1100 – I’m getting hungry so I go warm up my lunch, sprinkle on peri peri Aromat and dig in. Yum. I also have my multivitamin and supplement. A lady who sells local snacks comes in. She persuades me to buy maputi (corn nuts mixed with roasted peanuts) for $0.50. I buy them for my afternoon snack. I end up sending the report with missing statistics, and tell the department to send directly to the compiler, as they were late. That was a very aggressive email tbh. I’m still hungry, so I munch on my maputi, leaving the peanuts because I don’t feel like eating them lately.
1200 – I see a missed call from a number I don’t know. I call and it turns out they had sent money to my mobile wallet mistakenly. I check the mobile wallet and it shows it had an extra $11. I send the money back to the person. Times are too tough to keep people’s money
1400 – I snack on a few skittles instead of having more food. I just want something to entertain my mouth, I’m not hungry at all. I review more work and drink more water. The jeweler has sent the payment request for the earrings. I pay $100 (total spent on the earrings comes to $200, which is worth it for sterling silver custom made Jewellery. I use $50 of the birthday money from my mum to cover for part of this expense)
1600 – Finally time to go home. I shut down my computer, and drive home. Once I’m home, I put on my bath water, and help L do his homework. Then I do some Swahili Duolingo practice and pack L’s lunch for tomorrow. He requested maize (corn on the cob), a boiled egg and a naartjie. His wish is my command for once. I also pack my lunch, a boiled egg, peanut butter sandwich and a bit of birthday cake. The jeweler sends pictures of the final product. They are absolutely gorgeous. Happy 34th birthday to me!!!
1800 – I serve the kids their dinner, and go to take my bath. P sends a text that he will be home late as they are working late today. I have my own dinner while persuading E to eat his food
1900 – Bedtime for the kids. I read them their bedtime stories, tuck them in and tell them I love them. Then I go to watch TV. I’m catching up on Married to Real Estate, Food Factory and Man Vs Food. You can tell that reality TV is my jam.
2100 – I decide to have some decaf black coffee and cake as my bedtime snack. P and my nephew arrive home. They are later than they thought they would be because nephew dropped his phone in the middle of the highway and they were searching for it. Because nephew’s ancestors were on the job, they found it intact. It’s a big deal because this is a major highway and huge trucks use that road constantly. I chat with P as he has his dinner and takes his bath.
2200 – Cuddles and bedtime for us
​
Total spent today – $100
​
Total spent this week – $204.50
​
Spending by categories
Food & Drink – $84.50
Home & Health – $0
Clothing & Beauty – $110
Transportation – $0
Fun & Entertainment – $10
​
Reflections on this week’s spending
The spending is pretty much about normal for me tbh (excluding the cake and earrings). I had quite a bit of petrol in the tank so I didn’t need to top up my tank this week. The converted US$ prices are a bit inaccurate since our currency had a big drop this week, and most of my spending is in local currency. I could reign in my spending a bit, and focus more on investing. However, I do enjoy using my money to bring joy to my kids and myself. Particularly myself after the absolutely shitty year I had.

I’m a 20yo male
i grew up with siblings, mothefather my parents were split when i was born but i’d see my dad every weekend, we grew up in housing commission which is government housing for poor people. i grew up eating bake beans and toast for dinner, sleeping on the floor next to cockroaches and rats. my mother and farther were both drug addicts who would replace their habits instead of getting us food. i was 6yo when one weekend i went to my dads & he sexually assaulted me, i vividly remember the car ride home telling my mother while she burst into tears saying how sorry she was that she wasn’t doing her job right. my farther went to court but got away with everything since then i lost all contact and was removed from seeing him. a few years past and my mum was still addicted to drugs, one day she took to many pills and sadly passed in her sleep 1 night and i was 12yo and keep in mind i was a mummy’s boy and we still slept in the same bed. i went to bed that night not knowing she had passed and i awoke to see her pale cold blue face and stiff body. i immediately knew what was wrong and i felt distraught and sick and i tried shaking and waking her up but i couldn’t. the memory plays in my head all the time. i moved in with my mums mum after that since she took me in but sadly a year later she passed from cardiac arrest and i seen it happen, i was 13 just starting high school i then got taken under guardianship from my auntie but she also abused drugs and abused me when i’d do bad. i started high school and never went because i didn’t have too, 1 day i went and got suspended from school and i was so horrified and scared to go home because of the consequences of getting beaten i went to the local pay phone and dialled the police and told them what she was doing and how she was doing drugs and abusing me. i got removed from my auntie and got placed with my older sister, she was only 17 at the time. she put me into a different school and tried getting my grades back on track but i couldn’t keep up with school with so much mental illness going on. i was kept quiet and kept to myself and cried when no one was around i tried taking my life when i was 16 and failed. i took 22 xanax from my sister and she found me having a seizure in my room, she called the hospital in time to come save me and here i am after the failed attempt my sister kicked me out because she thought she wasn’t doing a good job by me because of what i did. i moved into a refuge house filled with other teens that have gone through similar situations but i found a job and a place to stay now but the moral of the story is that please seek advice even if it’s something little. you’ll crack one day you just don’t see it yet… it still hasn’t been the same since my mother passed, i don’t celebrate birthdays or anything it just doesn’t sit right with me and i promise you guys reading this men/women fake smile all the time but there’s always something wrong pls seek help.

it was so difficult to write the card without smiling & tearing up bcos i rly, RLY love him v much fml i am such a simp 😵‍💫
i have been talking to him for one year six months, but we only grew closer when i downloaded sc for him in feb/mar and we kinda became mutually exclusive without a label on our rs. which is perfectly fine by me because we both discussed on wanting to see where this goes and whether it’s worth getting serious.
for context, i alr knew him since we were 13, became an item at 14, drifted apart bcos we were both stupid & immature and now we reconnected 6 years later 😋
since then, we talked EVERYDAY. about anyth & everyth. he alw replays my snaps, saves them in chat & compliments me. he asks me to send more pics of myself bcos ‘he wants to see pretty’.
he notices every little change in mood i have (due to sch) & cheers me up with lame dad jokes. he remembers small details & sends me memes/reels that reminds him of me. he watched romcom movies to understand me better. he asks about my family because he wants to know them.
he hopes i am happy everyday & sends me voice notes / calls me and istg nothing makes me happier :” he calls me darling & honey & sweetie A LOT and even picks up on my lingo (i alw say ‘goodnight loveya muah’) so it j became a thing between us. he tells me to stay safe whenever i go home late at night, starts convos a lot and sends gm/gn messages everyday.
he created a spotify playlist for me & alw updates it every two months bcos he knows how much i love music (and our music taste is v similar)
he wrote an entire paragraph on a random afternoon j telling me how much he adores me and stated that he has ONLY my notifs on :”
he knows i don’t like it when chats are deleted (bcos it can lead to miscomms) so everytime he deletes smtg, he tells me why (usually a typo) but that gesture means a lot to me.
and i am not on my phone 24/7 either and i love love love how understanding and respectful he is of my own personal time.
have i mentioned he’s the smartest, hardworking & hottest man i know?
i am so deeply in love with him for 10 months & i cant wait to meet him soon and give him a hug bcos i missed him sm 🥺

It’s the holidays so a lot of family and friends are getting together. Personally my family doesn’t do that much and I know some people aren’t doing anything. It’s a little difficult for me to make friends because I’m always working. So I never go out. Being 23 kinda freaks me out because Idk how my life is going to look in the next few years so I’m kinda going through a crisis lol. Also right now in my life I feel really lonely. Sc:qeeyah23 So if anyone is having that same experience and you want to make some friends please DM me!

Hey, anyone with developing skills would be down to make a dental floss tycoon game where you get to be Zappa or a member of any band he had and you live in for example Utah and then you decide to move to Montana to raise dental floss. The best horse is mighty little and you also have to beat W.B. to send them to hell and put them on towers of power to win the game. You start with basically nothing and you have to get your dental floss seeds from a special place, water them with string beans from Utah that you brought with you. Getting back to W.B., when you finally overtake them in terms of production you have to have a talk with the devil and try to convince him with the little style you got, if you do you win, if you don't you're in a lawsuit with them and have to win it. If you win you get a second chance, if you don't you loose the entire game and have to start over.
P.S. My brain kinda went into full Zappa crazy mode

This piece recounts the first time I drank an ancient plant medicine called Ayahuasca. It comes from Amazonian tribes who consider it a sacred plant medicine with healing powers and, given what a hugely beneficial impact it has had on my life, I am very comfortable describing it as medicine.
One Saturday, in the spring of 2016 I was greeted by the medicine man himself with a big hug, let’s call him Blu. I came into his kitchen to be greeted by several women with slightly comical homemade, feather headdresses and couldn’t help but think I’d walked into a kid’s birthday party. In the garden, there was a small festival tent set up which had a hay bale altar with easter decorations.
The ceremony had around 30 other participants and 10 shamans. In the middle of the tent stood the medicine man’s wife, Sun who was very much the master of the ceremony. She had the most daring headdress, flowing orange robes and a rattle in her hand. She spoke to us with warm, friendly humour telling us that we would know the medicine had kicked in once her singing started to sound good!
She advised that each experience is unique and we should try not to have huge expectations, sometimes nothing at all happens the first time. Having waited five years for this day I was quietly confident that this would not be the case for me and boy was I right!
We went around the circle introducing ourselves and explained what we were hoping to get out of the ceremony. Focusing on your intent during a psychedelic experience is meant to help you get what you are looking for.
During my turn, I expressed my desire to regain my self-confidence and passion for the opportunities and women in my life to whom I never seem to be able to fully commit.
Once we had all shared, we learned that it was time to drink.
My heart was filled with profound forbearing and excitement as I went up to receive a small glass of harsh-tasting, brown liquid which certainly tasted like medicine!
I had a basic camping mattress and a duvet laid out for me which I snuggled into before pulling on my eye mask. I was on my back trying not to think too much about the medicine, whether it was working or maybe wouldn’t work while I meditated for an hour.
The shamans started singing and shaking rattles. One of the female shamans, Nubia had an incredibly beautiful soprano voice that stood out from the others. It was while listening to the song of the shamans that I started to feel a warm flow of energy along my limbs. I tried to dismiss it at first, thinking it might somehow be related to my fasting for 40 hours prior.
When I moved my eye mask to let some light into my eyes I saw the tent roof overlaid with a flowing grid of beautiful, metallic, geometric grids with multi-coloured light flowing through the lines. The Individual elements of the grid reflected every colour of the rainbow like oil on water’s surface and I started to feel joyful, like a child rolling through leaves on a warm autumn day.
Nubia started singing to us again and it was like nothing I’d ever heard. It was so beautiful and mesmerizing I didn’t want her to stop.
I could hear the people around me, some giggling and some vomiting or, purging medicine into their buckets. I checked myself, asking if should I purge but I felt a gentle presence speak inside of me saying: ‘No, you’re fine. Just relax.’

They call this presence Mother Ayahuasca. The reason people drink the brew is to speak with and receive her guidance.

My eye mask was back on my face and I turned into the fetal position with the duvet pulled over my head I felt exceptionally comfy with this strange yet familiar presence as I started to explore the un-intimidating hallucinogenic world within my mind. She showed me complex pictures of flowing energy with multicoloured lights in perfect alignment while I was gently gliding along, watching the beautiful colourful spectacle.
It was around this time that Sun asked into the ceremony if anybody would like a second dose. I slowly sat upright and looked around. I checked myself. Truthfully, I was enjoying the experience. I was slightly nervous that having more could take me to a deeper, darker place however I had mentally prepared myself for the full immersion experience.
The presence told me: ‘It’s okay. You can handle it. I’ll be gentle.’
So I pulled on my shoes, got up and slowly walked over feeling slightly wobbly. I was worried Sun might tell me I’d had enough but when I sat in front of her, she gave me a big smile and beckoned me towards her. The second dose was about half the previous one and tasted familiar, not quite as harsh.
After I got up I walked out of the tent into the house. Sitting in the small toilet I saw the walls gently rippling with energy and recognized the phenomenon from previous psychedelic experiences. I’ve experienced mild, LSD-induced hallucinations before but nothing quite as mesmerizing as watching bright sparks of colorful energy emerging from objects and pictures.
Snuggling back under my duvet I listened to the rattles and felt myself floating deeper into the kaleidoscopic universe seeing my own body curled up but instead of my skin and flesh, I saw myself as streaming veins of energy. Millions of thin fibre optic threads pulsated with warm healing energy which outlined my body.
I felt myself lying on the floor in the jungle with mystical symbols and ineffable tribal figures around me. I felt like I was in a different, timeless dimension however I was surprisingly lucid and could snap out of it to check myself with ease. At some point I had to giggle as my boring pragmatist made the smart-ass remark, ‘You’re not lying in the jungle. You’re in a garden less than 100 meters from the Thames estuary!’
I had my eyes closed for most of the afternoon. I was seeing ever richer patterns. When I opened my eyes the patterns were still there but they were overlaid on the reality in front of my eyes. I could change them with the blink of an eye or bring back shapes I had seen previously.
I started thanking this entity for showing me all this beauty and felt the urge to reciprocate. I revealed some personal memories but they looked so very different. It seemed like they had a photo filter applied that filled the memory with golden light as they came alive with breathtaking beauty, streaming with colourful energy. I visited various life moments and it felt like entering into a photo and suddenly being there on that day!
I was there sitting in our garden at home. Once again I was a chubby baby covering my face with baked beans. I was actually there! I was picking the baked beans off my face and pushing them, one by one into my mouth.
They say that Mother Ayahuasca is a deep ancient spirit and I always imagined her as a deeply serious, majestic queen. I started wondering what she might look like… and so she appeared.
She was stern but not an old woman. Aya was young, perfectly matched to my age and exceptionally beautiful. She had long, smooth brown hair and big beautiful eyes filled with power and inspiration. As I looked closer at her exquisite face I realized that her features were constantly changing complexion. Her skin cycled from Amazonian to Latin to Nubian to Oriental and Mediterranean. She was outlined by swirling rainbow-coloured curls of light. The rest of her naked body only came into being when I directly looked at it. I realize that she was not one woman but a combination of every beautiful woman I’ve ever felt attracted to. I wanted her. She wanted me. We kissed and whirled around as we floated through my Entheoverse. My body of swirling rainbow energy flowed into her and hers into mine and this is how we made love passionately.
I had visions of us being on a summer weekend getaway in a stylish city. We lay in luxurious hotel rooms and I remember a cream-coloured clock on the wall, with Roman numerals but no hands to tell the time. I was dressed smartly as I led her by her hand into classy restaurants that had champagne poured, waiting by our table. It was like we were on a never-ending date, teleporting from one experience into the next, eloping while taking our time to enjoy each other’s energy, and passionately loving one another.
Afterwards, she lay in my arms and I asked what else she could show me and she replied; ‘What else would you like me to show you?’ I wasn’t prepared for this and my mind went a bit blank realizing that I could do anything, go anywhere in space and time I wanted.
I asked her; ‘Can you help me find my confidence?’
There was no clear answer. Instead, I had the random idea to become the temple stem of my friend Julio’s glasses. I looked at him from the bit next to the hinge and I could see him put the glasses on in the morning, and take them off at night and in the reflection of his right eye, I saw him coming home and watched his beautiful daughter jumping into his arms. Then I saw on his eyeball the reflection of me walking into the room and a felt warm glow spread through me.
Next, I visited my baby nephew sitting in my brother’s living room, in his red chair. I crossed my hands on my chest like he does and saw my brother and his wife smiling at me giving me warm hugs but more than seeing their faces while they hugged my body I could feel the way they felt when they put their arms around me and press me to their chests.
I saw all my brother’s smiles and happy faces as we jollied about, trying to make each other laugh as we do. I visited all my closest friends, took in their smiles and one by one, as I hugged each of them, I could feel their love for me.

Later I realized that Aya was indeed trying to give me confidence by showing me how much the people in my life care for me

I visited the girl I had just started dating called Anna whose raw energy I find simply irresistible. I came into her new apartment that I’d never visited before. She was standing in sexy lingerie by a floor-to-ceiling window looking down onto the busy Tottenham Court road. I remember her turning her beautiful face as I approached, touching it with ten fingers and kissing her lips passionately as we erupted into rainbow swirls of energy.
I also visited my ex-girlfriend Jo, whose body and spiritual mind I still loved but whose soul is too damaged by the fear of rejection and tough mental armour I never managed to vanquish.
She was asleep in our white room in LA that she had so carefully decorated and I spooned my energy into her little body. She woke and we cuddled and kissed and I said I was sorry it didn’t work out between us and she replied; ‘It’s ok. I wasn’t ready for you…’
I asked Aya if we had made the right decision to stop forcing it and just be friends and felt her nod wisely.
At some point, I remember all three of us lying in bed together but instead of feeling like the king of the world, I felt like a greedy pig.
One of the underlying themes of the whole journey was how slowly gently and unhurried everything felt and I think the lesson I was meant to learn was that it’s ok to not settle right now — I thought I just haven’t found the one, the right woman to share my life with…
Aya kept giving me gentle advice throughout. I asked her about the stimulants I love such as cannabis, coffee and alcohol but instead of the stern telling-off I was secretly hoping to receive she told me; ‘You know they don’t serve you when you abuse them but they are also a part of what shaped you… Take care of the beautiful body you have been given.’
She repeated many times; Take care of yourself more… take care.
I asked Aya how I could find the power to harness my mind which has always been blessed and cursed with a distracting imagination and to keep my lack of attention from killing my dreams.
Instantly, I saw an unreal version of myself.
I was standing in something like a black shiny display window, straight out of a Mercedes advert. This guy was not merely a little bit better than I am now and I realized that the version staring back at me was my best self!
That guy is sharp, he is determined, and he dresses immaculately. That guy knows exactly what he is doing. When he enters the room, people notice his presence from the invisible halo that brightly surrounds him.
I asked Aya, how I could become him and the answer became clear. That guy works. He knows exactly where his energy comes from and all of a sudden I understood — The confident image he projects comes from the love he feels for himself which makes him look loved and successful in other people’s eyes. There is no room for distraction because that guy knows his worth and knows his purpose.
She gave me such a clear image of myself. I can still see myself standing motionless in the black, shiny shop window with rainbow-coloured fibre optic strains lighting the air that gently flowed around me.
How long I lay like that is impossible to say but I guess it was around 5–6 hours but it felt like an eternity of journeying into myself.
But it wasn’t all just warm energy and neon colours. I distinctly remember at some point realizing, it was time to go to the toilet. Afterwards, I walked back into the garden and found the Ewok-faced little terrier yapping at me. I laughed at him as I noticed the blue silver and chrome energy swirls around his head and ears. I couched down to see if I could pacify him but I suddenly became aware that his barking must be interfering with other people’s experiences. I turned to hurry into the tent as one of the shamans came out, to tell off the dog saying; ‘What’s wrong doggy, he’s alright!’ As I walked into the tent there were certainly more people sitting upright than when I had left and I read some irritated expressions on people’s faces, at least three people got up and walked out.
I lay down in shame but all my friend’s energy avatars ran up to me saying ‘It’s fine!’ as they doggy piled on top of me. It made me feel better. I felt them warm the cold shame out of me and I began relaxing again. I played around as before but the energy had markedly changed, it didn’t feel as light-hearted anymore. It was heavier and more serious. I was feeling the effects of the medicine becoming even stronger so I decided to sit up but when I opened my eyes, I saw Nubia hit the deck at my feet on a hastily arranged bed after having just purged into a bucket. I could see vomit in her black wavy hair as I started to think, ‘…oh dear if even the shamans are starting to falter, I’m in trouble.’
I didn’t know what to do. I tried to lie back down again. I asked Aya to help me, as she had several times previously when I’d gotten a little bit frightened but this time I could not sense her presence and I knew why. I had to go through this for myself.
It felt like I was sitting in a shopping trolley, rolling down a steep hill toward darkness, realizing as it picked up speed and bucked to and fro that this had been a bad decision, a dangerous idea and the only way it would end would be for the momentum to collide with suffering.
I needed help so I weakly put up my hand and within a few seconds, one of the shamans sat down next to me. She was wearing a white feather dress and occoured to me like an angel. She helped me sit up and as soon as I was sitting upright I began to retch. She passed me my bucket which I gratefully barfed into…
After I purged I felt better. My angel asked me if I felt okay again and I asked her to stay with me and hold my hand for a while longer, which she did. I gently leaned over and rested my head on her feathery bosom and felt a sense of peace and strength flow back into me. I saw my energy self, the swirling electrons of light curling my limbs as I sat cross-legged, hunched over like a bear cub being cradled by his mother bear.
She helped me lie back down and I started to return to my technicoloured dream state. I asked Aya if we could make love again and she said ‘Of course’ but it felt different, when I opened my inner eye to see the face of the person I was entangled with I saw my own. Aya had taken on my form and this might well be the strangest thing I’ve ever written but I was exceptionally attracted to myself and I realized that this could be how girls who are in bed with me see me. I could feel the burning desire a girl feels when we make love. It felt strange but also good.

They said Ayahuasca show you not what you want to see but rather what you need to see at any specific point in your life.

I visited countless friends, some people no longer in my life becouse we have grown apart and even those whose who have passed away. I visited my German grandparents and told them how much I loved them.
While I cuddled Oskar, the dog I grew up with, and played with him in our garden I looked up to see my dad approach us with tears in his eyes. I knew what he was going to say. When he told me that my grandmother had died I didn’t run away in confusion as I had on that day, instead, I went to hug my mom and for the first time, I empathized with the pain she had felt in that moment of hearing that her mother had passed.
I visited my friend Keith whose passing I have always felt a slight responsibility for since I know he read my travel blog and went to Costa Rica a month after I’d been there where he swam out to sea and drowned. I hugged him tightly and cried gently but he grabbed me firmly by the shoulders and said; ‘It wasn’t you! It wasn’t you…’
I visited my old school friend Alex who I had not been close to but whose misfortune to be on flight 447 still touched me. I told him and his beautiful fiance whom I’d never met that I was so sorry for them having been so frightened when they died but instead of me comforting them, they hugged and comforted me as I lay there silently crying for the people I missed. But it was not painful. Quite the opposite, it felt cathartic, like I was letting out the pain and healing myself.
At some point, while it was still light out Sun said “OK, I know that some of you are still on your journey but we will start having some food soon so if you want to share what you experienced now is the time.” I listened to some of the reports.
Several people said that they had a very rough ride because they had tried to fight it. One girl even said she was convinced she was dying. I felt very lucky and grateful for my gentle, warm ride through my multi-coloured Enthenoverse and wondered if I would ever return…
When it was my turn I said that I had finally been able to see how my friends and family see me and why they think I am awesome which will give me the confidence to finally believe that I am awesome (that got a laugh :). I also shared my new appreciation for how profoundly beautiful my life has been up until now and hoped that it will give me the strength to stop comparing myself to others, to focus on my own path and become my best self.

10 weeks later

My life has undeniably changed over the last 10 weeks.
The following day I drove back to my rented shepherd’s hut in a nature reserve and had an exceptionally rich experience walking through the marshes. The sun was shining and everything seemed so intensely beautiful. I was moved just by watching something as simple as a male and a female bird fly across the water in perfect sync. It made me well up emotionally.
I’ve cried a lot recently and I believe it’s a good thing. I cry on most days.
Usually, it happens when I see someone doing something kind and for a brief moment I get overwhelmed and shed a tear. But again, they are not tears of pain they are usually tears of joy and I feel like I have become much more in touch with my emotions.
It feels like bringing Aya’s female spirit into my awareness has tripped a switch in my brain making me more feminine, hence a more complete human being. I’ve also started to care more about my appearance. My mum commented recently that I looked different and she is right. I’ve been working out more. I get my hair cut more frequently and I’ve even gone and bought new clothes that dress me with more style, even when it’s not particularly necessary.
My work attitude has also changed. I find myself a lot more productive and capable of operating at a higher level while enjoying the entire experience so much more!
I honestly feel more in control of my life. I feel focused on who I am, who I can become and what I can achieve. Previously my decisions in life seemed more vague and fuzzy.
Above all, I feel the happiest that I have felt since childhood. The last 10 weeks have been almost like a too-good-to-be-true dream for me.
I’m also positively influencing the people around me. My grandfather wrote me the following sentence after my most recent visit.
You have this mysterious gift of raising the spirits of people both just by being there and by your gift of empathy.

Epilogue

I have indeed had more Ayahuasca ceremonies since I first wrote this and even though there was a 4 year gap between my 4th and my 5th experience I have felt the effect compound over time. I will be publishing more of my trip reports over on medium and would appreciate your supporting me by following me over there where I also publish contant whihc is not just psychedilic in nature. https://medium.com/@hi_niels